Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ She Will Be Loved ❯ Chapter 12 ( Chapter 12 )

She Will Be Loved

 

By Tituba

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any Bleach affiliates.

 

(A/N: Okay, please, before you read this chapter take a deep, deep, DEEP breath and then exhale slowly. Remember to do it after you read as well.

Also, kindly remember, this is a fanfiction, meaning the characters are acting like I want them to act.

Please, if you choose to review. Remember to BREATHE before you do.

Tell me what you think, hugs and kisses, Tituba.)

 

 

 

 

Chapter 12

 

“S.H.O.W.E.R.” Rukia said definitively, placing the small letters on the board. They ticked into place and she smirked, “Okay, that's eight and with the `W' on a double letter that's sixteen and since it's on a triple word score that would be… forty eight.” She smiled smugly to Kaien, “Forty eight for Rukia please.” Her smug smile turned into a sneer as he begrudgingly wrote the number down and tallied the score.

 

Kaien's turn came next and he studied the board for at least five full minutes before picking up two of his own letters and plopping them down on the board. “R.E.D.” He spelled it out just as definitively and smiled in satisfaction. “Four points.”

 

Rukia let out a peal of laughter and Aunt Retsu giggled as well. Kaien gave them both sour looks but didn't say anything else as he wrote down his score.

 

“Damn,” he muttered, “I'm losing by, like, two thousand…”

 

“No,” Rukia teased, “Only by one hundred and eight. Well, to me anyway. You're not even losing in the same universe with your mom.”

 

He glared at her. “Hey, I set you up for that `shower' word. If it weren't for me you wouldn't have so many points!”

 

“Yes,” Rukia giggled, “Because you put down `rat' I was able to, once again, whip you're a—”

 

Aunt Retsu shot Rukia a chastising glare and the curse word died on her tongue. She smiled sheepishly and shrugged, glancing back at Kaien, “Fine then, I was able to whip your butt.” She looked back at her aunt, “Better?”

 

Aunt Retsu smiled happily, “Much.” She smiled gently and picked up her letters. She began above the S. “Z.Y.G.O.T.E.S.” She murmured softly.

 

Rukia's mouth dropped open a bit and her eyes widened. Kaien's pencil slithered from his grasp and he stared at the word on the board.

 

Aunt Retsu allowed an infinitesimal amount of smugness to enter her voice as she tallied her points. “Z is on a triple word, making that thirty points, thirty four once you add the Y, G is two, and then O, T, E, and S are four… so that makes forty. The word is on a double word score making it eighty points.” She smiled kindly at Kaien and bent to pick up his pencil. “Write that down, would you sweetie?” She sighed happily and allowed one eyebrow to rise fractionally, “So, how many points do I have now?”

 

Kaien looked down at the paper, “Three hundred and forty eight.” He said in a quiet voice.

 

Aunt Retsu shrugged her shoulders and patted Rukia's knee. “Don't worry dear, you still have the other half of the game to get your points up.”

 

Rukia was still gaping at the board. Her eyes traveled down the word and then up to her Aunt, who simply couldn't contain her gleeful smile, and she laughed. “At least I'll come in second. I don't think I'll ever beat you at Scrabble Aunt Retsu.”

 

Her aunt smiled and patted her knee once again, her other hand fishing into the letter bag and taking out six more, “Someday we'll play and you'll beat me so badly I'll never want to play again.”

 

Kaien tilted his head to the side and looked at the word his mother had just put on the board, “Isn't a zygote a sex cell?” He asked.

 

Rukia shrugged and frowned at her words, “Who cares?” She growled when she realized she couldn't do much with the letters she had available.

 

Kaien was studying his words as well, constantly moving the letter back and forth, trying to find the correct one to use.

 

Aunt Retsu only moved one letter and smiled at her word. She sighed happily and then looked at the young adults sitting across from her. Rukia seemed so much more at home, sitting here, playing Scrabble, and just talking with her and Kaien. Her uncle was at work but that still didn't stop the three of them from having homely fun. Aunt Retsu had even made chocolate chip cookies for the day. Rukia had attempted to help her bake them, but once the fire alarm went off for the second time the elder woman had seen fit to shoo her out of the kitchen. Rukia didn't seem to mind though that Aunt Retsu had to throw all of her cookies away, she simply ate the cookies that her aunt had fashioned.

 

A low growl escaped Rukia and she continued to fiddle with her words, she snarled angrily when she couldn't seem to find the right letters to put down.

 

Kaien lifted up two letters and placed them down on the board. “Z.I.T.” He said, his voice carrying traces of useless pride. “Twelve points.”

 

Rukia snorted at the letters and shook her head, silently cursing him for taking away her perfect Z.

 

“Son,” Aunt Retsu asked and Kaien looked up obediently. “How has Miyako been lately?” A small smile played on her face and she gazed at him inquiringly. “I haven't heard much about her for a while. Are you two alright? Will she still be joining us for Christmas?”

 

Rukia glanced up at her aunt and frowned. Her letters were in her hand but even she was not so much into the game that she would ignore the tense silence that had just fallen over Kaien. Her gaze shifting towards him and her brows lowered even more. His muscles were tense and his body was impossibly stiff. Rukia could tell that he was fighting not to look at her but that only piqued her curiosity more. She looked over at her aunt and smeared a false smile onto her face. “Who's Miyako?” She asked sweetly, vainly hoping that her aunt didn't notice the false cheerfulness in her voice.

 

Aunt Retsu let out an exasperated sigh and pushed Kaien's knee playfully. “Kaien!” She scolded, “How could you?” She giggled lightly and shook her head, returning her gaze to Rukia and smiling, her hand reached out across the table and she patted Rukia's adjacent hand lightly. It seemed that Aunt Retsu had transformed into a tittering schoolgirl, chatting and gossiping about the latest boys, teachers, and couples around her. Rukia didn't mind though, she just never thought of her Aunt as someone who had once had an actual childhood.

 

“Well,” Aunt Retsu said happily, her eyes sparkling with delight, “Miyako is Kaien's lovely little girlfriend.”

 

Rukia's blood ran cold.

 

“Mom,” Kaien said, a hint of embarrassment and a hint of dread filling his voice. He sounded as if he was warning mother not to continue.

 

“Oh Kaien, stop being so modest,” she shushed him and waved her hand at him; she looked back at Rukia and grinned, “She's gorgeous! And I really think that they'll go a bit further, if you know what I mean…”

 

“Mom,” Kaien said, his voice now supremely irritated.

 

“Oh sweetie, I meant an engagement.” Aunt Retsu said swiftly, taking her hands away from Rukia's and waving them around the air. “I swear Kaien, sometimes I think your mind is always in the gutter.” She sighed and shook her head, glancing back at Rukia, “Sometimes I wonder if you and my son would have become a couple if you hadn't moved away.” She laughed lightly and sat back in her chair, “But I suppose it's for the best. You probably have hundreds of boys lining up for you back in Karakura.”

 

Rukia swallowed hard and smiled softly. “No… not really.” She reached down at her letters and plucked them up one by one. She placed them down, the sounds of the tiny letters ticking on the board filled the sudden silence, the letters trailed from the top of the Y that Aunt Retsu had placed down only moments before.

 

Rukia spelled out each letter as it fell into place, “B.E.T.R.A.Y.” She tightened her jaw and looked over at Kaien, her face frozen in a livid smile. “I believe that would be twenty two… it's on a double word score.”

 

Kaien fumbled with the pencil in his hand and added her new numbers to the tally on the pad. She was in second place, trailing Aunt Retsu by at least one hundred points, but right now, neither of them seemed to care about the number of points she had, or by how much Kaien was losing. Aunt Retsu seemed oblivious to the newfound stress coating the air between her son and her young charge.

 

Rukia took the pad from Kaien's hands and smiled icily. She turned to him and tapped the front of the paper.

 

“Well, Kaien, I do believe you're losing.”

 

*~*~*

 

Aunt Retsu hugged Rukia tightly and the younger girl breathed in her aunt's scent deeply into her lungs. Aunt Retsu smelled like cinnamon today, it probably had something to do with the cookies that she had baked for Rukia to enjoy on the train back home. Rukia held her tightly and relished the lovely perfumed scent.

 

Her arms wrapped tighter around her aunt and she giggled lightly when Uncle Jushiro came from behind and hugged her back. They sandwiched her between their bodies and swerved back and forth, rocking gently. Rukia laughed when Uncle Jushiro's long white hair tickled her nose and made her sneeze.

 

She was released after a few more moments and Aunt Retsu held her at arms length, making one final inspection of the young woman before her. Aunt Retsu frowned, “You're far too skinny Rukia, I'll call Haji to make sure he feeds you more.” The conductor shouted a five minute warning and the elder woman smiled back at Rukia, “Are you sure you've got your ticket?”

 

Rukia nodded and smiled warmly. It felt different, having her aunt fawn over her like Hisana used to. Pain shot into her stomach once more when she realized that Hisana was gone.

 

Don't think about that, she commanded herself ruefully, just don't.

 

“And you've got everything you brought? You didn't leave anything behind?” Uncle Jushiro asked.

 

Rukia turned to him, “I swear I have everything. Don't worry, I'll be fine.” She smiled warmly and shrugged her shoulders, “I mean, I came here, didn't I?”

 

Uncle Jushiro sighed and nodded his head, “I just wish that I could have been home a bit more,” he pressed a hand to his chest and coughed a bit, “Next time, we'll arrange a visit and I'll take off work just for you.” He paused for a moment and nodded, “And Kaien will take the entire week off too, it's so strange that he went back to school just yesterday, I mean, going back on a Thursday is just odd. He originally said he wanted to stay for the weekend.”

 

Rukia's smile faltered a bit and she patted him on the shoulder, “He probably had a term paper to do.”

 

Her uncle frowned and shook his head, mumbling something about Kaien being the worst type of procrastinator.

 

“Um, Aunt Retsu… Uncle Jushiro…?” She looked at her aunt and uncle and her grin vanished, replaced by a pained grimace. “Um, thank you… for taking me in for a while.” She glanced back at the train and felt pain prickling on the edges of her stomach, “I just… I needed to get away and, um, didn't really know where else to go.”

 

Aunt Retsu frowned a bit and placed her hands solidly onto Rukia's shoulders. She turned the young girl towards her and stared her firmly into her eye. “Now Rukia, I don't want you to ever think that you're a burden. We were happy to have you come and stay with us. We would love for you to do it again.” She bent forward and kissed Rukia's forehead. “Now, go on home, tell Haji what I said, and go talk to your brother. I'm sure that he needs you right now too.”

 

Rukia nodded softly and allowed herself to be enveloped once more into her Aunt's waiting arms. This time, Rukia desperately drew in her aunt's scent and wished that it could coat her forever.

 

The conductor behind them shouted for everyone to get aboard and Rukia reluctantly pulled away. She smiled and her eyes watered softly as she walked towards the train. She handed the conductor her ticket and he punched it in a perfunctory manor. She boarded the train and chose an empty car next to the window. She struggled with the pane a bit before the rusted thing gave way and she was able to stick her head out and wave goodbye to the people she saw standing on the platform.

 

Aunt Retsu and Uncle Jushiro waved back happily as the train started moving. She saw that her uncle's hand was linked with his wife's. It was a small show of love that had Rukia's heart twanging painfully. Rukia watched them until she could no longer see the loving pair. After a few more moments with her head outside the window she pulled herself back in and plopped down on the seat. A new pit of snakes was now curling in her stomach at the prospect of going home.

 

Rukia was sitting on the steps outside, the night air was cool against her skin and in the distance she could hear the traffic from the highway. A couple of sirens mixed with horns, dueling together as if to see who could be the loudest and most annoying.

 

Her aura was sour and pained. She had finished playing Scrabble with Kaien and Aunt Retsu hours ago but had opted to say out of doors for the rest of the evening. She told her aunt that she just wanted to take in some air and that was partially true, it wasn't like she lied to her hostess or anything, she simply wanted to clear her head and get away from him.

 

She should have known. He looked like him so maybe he would act like him too.

 

The door opened behind her but she didn't turn, she knew that he was coming, she could tell by the weight of his feet against the concrete.

 

He sat down slowly beside her, his feet were propped up on the steps below him and his elbows were resting on his knees. His arms were crossed and his hands were clasped hard. His knuckles were even white.

 

Rukia looked straight ahead, her neck tilted back just a bit so she could feel the light evening breeze against her skin. Her eyes were cold and hard.

 

“I'm sorry.” He said softly.

 

“You're sorry,” Rukia muttered immediately, a short scoff coming from her throat. “Yeah, I'll bet you're sorry.”

 

“I am.” He said, his voice was insistent and even a bit injured.

 

They were silent for a few minutes. The air between them was tense and hostile.

 

“You know Kaien,” Rukia murmured, “I just want to know why you did it.” She turned to him and glowered. He was avoiding her livid stare and simply looked the other way. “I mean, I told you everything about what happened between Ichigo and me and then you kissed me.” She laughed hollowly and shook her head. “You kissed me when you have a girlfriend.”

 

“I said I'm sorry.”

 

“Do you know how familiar this feels?” She asked him acidly. “Ichigo comes to me two, three, sometimes even four times a month and fucks me. But he's so selfish when he does it, sometimes he doesn't even let me have my own orgasm—”

 

“Rukia—” Kaien interrupted, his voice tight.

 

“Don't say anything.” She commanded nastily, “I know you must have had sex before so don't act like such a virgin.” She drew in a breath and scowled, “Each day after he comes I'm in so much pain… I have to sit behind him every day and watch as he kisses and hugs his stupid girlfriend. She's horrid and I hate her but he keeps seeing her. And you know what's worse? I'm in love with him. I love him and he uses me. I love him and he doesn't even know it.”

 

“Rukia—”

 

“You're just as bad Kaien,” she continued angrily, “You saw a vulnerable girl all broken hearted and decided to take action.” She snorted and shook her head. “You're just like him… did you know you even look like him? Except for the hair you two could be identical twins.”

 

“I'm not like him.” Kaien stated, his tone growing angrier by the second.

 

“Yes you are,” Rukia hissed. “But you know what the funny part in all of this is? I don't really care.” She chuckled darkly, “You'd think I'd be a little more heartbroken after what you just did… but honestly, I'm just angry. I've saved all my heartbreak for Ichigo so… sorry to disappoint, but I'm just mad.”

 

“I didn't mean to.”

 

“Yes, your lips just happened to fall onto mine.” She answered sarcastically.

 

“If you'd like that explanation.” He answered nastily.

 

“Just go back to college and sleep with your girlfriend.” Rukia snapped, rising swiftly and walking towards the street. “Maybe you'll feel guilty enough about me that you won't be able to get it up.” She walked to the streetlight and pressed the button to cross. She didn't bother looking back as she called, “I'm going for a walk, tell Aunt Retsu if she gets worried.”

 

The light appeared and she began walking towards the park.

 

But now she was going back to Karakura. Kaien was gone and now she was barely thinking about him. Instead, she was thinking about the person who looked so much Kaien… waiting for her back home.

 

Well, not waiting, he had someone else with whom to occupy his time.

 

How was she going to explain what had happened between the two of them on that Friday she left? Her stomach churned and she shook her head, staring vacantly out the window.

 

She simply did not want to go through with it. She didn't want to see her friends, she didn't want to eat lunch with them everyday, she didn't want to walk home with them, she didn't want to listen to them prattle about homecoming or winter break or even graduation. She just wanted to fade into the walls of her home and not come out.

 

She wasn't grieving loudly anymore, she wasn't crying at the mention of Hisana's name, and she didn't feel intense pain every time she heard Ichigo's name mentioned out of context. Yet out of all of that she still didn't want to see them or speak to any of them. She just wanted the peace that accompanied solitude.

 

The train moved on and Rukia kept thinking about what she would do when she went back to Karakura. She would go to her house, apologize profusely to Haji for leaving him without anything more than a note, call Aunt Retsu to let her know she arrived safely, and then maybe go to the park and look at the clouds.

 

School, of course, would be a problem. She would go to the library for lunch, work alone on projects—especially that cell one coming up, and stay after school for a little while longer, just so she could be alone. It might be unfair to people like Keigo, Ishida, and Chad… but they had Ichigo and Orihime, they would be fine without her.

 

The train continued on and she glanced at the trees flashing by her window.

 

Then maybe… just maybe, after a while, she would start appearing at lunch, walk with them a few times, and work with them on a couple of projects. After a while things might be better. She might be able to be around them again.

 

She would also have to put a permanent lock on her window.

 

Rukia knew that it was what she needed to do. She needed to close him off, to tell him to stop using her again and again, to stop making her feel like a useless whore. If she was to preserve any fraction of her sanity and her dignity for the next few months she needed to stop him, to get him far enough away that she wouldn't think of him every time something orange passed her vision. She had to keep him away from her body, her soul, and her heart.

 

This went beyond basic protection, this was survival. If she did not keep away from him everything she had repressed would come clawing back to the surface. It would thrash out violently and harm anyone in reach. She would wound people if that ever happened. She needed to ensure that it didn't.

 

Yet a part of her knew that she was being selfish. Deep down in the dark pits of her heart she knew that part of her wanted to see him suffer just as she had suffered. She wanted to watch him as he squirmed and writhed without her. She wanted him to know and feel how much he needed her. He used her constantly… she wanted him to feel how hard it was to give her up. He needed to yearn for the type of comfort she could give him. She wanted him to feel desperate and hurt. A tiny sliver of her being even wanted him to beg her to forgive him. Not that he ever would, but it was a nice thought to entertain.

 

But if she did… if she pushed him away as hard as she wanted to… if she drove him back until he was filled with nothing but shame, horror, and desperation… what would he do? Since the death of his mother she had been his only real connection to, well, anything. She had been the one to help him through that time, she had been there for him when he refused to cry yet let tears stream down his cheeks anyway, she had been there to hold him, to talk to him, and even to stroke his hair. She was his rock, whether she liked it or not, if she crumbled… what would he have to lean on?

 

The train's wheels ground to a halt and the announcer declared their arrival in Karakura Town. Sighing heavily, Rukia grasped her bag and began to move with various other people towards the exit. A couple of children rushed past her and blew a bit of air on her traveling dress. She smiled softly at them and watched as they rushed down to the platform. They ran straight towards an older, wizened, couple, who had their arms out, waiting for them.

 

“Grandma! Grandpa!” The children shrieked, dashing into two tight squeezed hugs from their elder relatives.

 

Rukia stepped down onto the platform and sighed, wondering if Haji had come to get her or if she was going to have to take a cab. Not that she would mind either way. She still had plenty of money left over from her trip and was just about to reach for it when her heart stopped in her chest.