Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Zanpaku-to? ❯ Key to Sorrow ( Chapter 19 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters. I did create Atonomatsuri (the bird) and Piecrust (the jerk).

 

Key to Sorrow

 

“Remove the point. I get the point. There is no point. Get to the point. What is the point of existence without love and friendship?” As usual Atonomatsuri started to gabble meaninglessly. Zaraki had almost expected it.

 

“Tell me. I'm sick of this; your stale adages and your stupid methods to avoid telling me the truth.” Zaraki began to move the point of the blade closer. He didn't care if he blinded her. If he did, maybe she would take him seriously. It was an unlikely possibility.

 

“I don't explain anything? I explain everything. You never listen. God will listen to you whatever cloak you wear. If you were as intent on my words as you are on my harm you would know all.” The words did not quite ring true, even though Atonomatsuri tried to appear sincere.

 

“You said once before you hated telling me the truth. I know you're lying. Why do you think I'll believe you? Why do you hate telling me the truth? You keep using words about truth and the importance of truth and then you won't tell me the truth.” Zaraki sighed harshly and rested the point of his zanpaku-to on her eyelid.

 

“It won't work Kenny. It won't work on me, remember. The power of `too late'.” Atonomatsuri voice wavered as she tried to back away. There was no further room behind her. She was trapped.

 

“I never understood what you said about that either. Are you ready?” Zaraki decided that now he had the advantage, he would keep it.

 

“Stop. I'll tell you. Ask me a question, any question. I'll answer it.” The scream that the vulture uttered, made Zaraki pause. He'd never heard her scream like that before.

 

Which question should he ask? The secret, he'd ask about the secret. That was why he was in his mind anyway.

 

“Tell me the secret.” Zaraki uttered the words clearly and loudly.

 

He thought he saw the bird pale at the question. Her black feathers turned a dark grey and she swallowed convulsively.

 

“You said if I summoned you, you would tell me the secret. I get the feeling that you don't want to tell me, that you never intended to tell me. Am I right?” Without waiting for the answer, Zaraki knew the bird did not want to respond.

 

“I'll tell you about the `too late' power, properly this time.” Atonomatsuri's voice was small as she made the offer.

 

“Too late. I wonder if this will hurt.” Zaraki started applying force to the blade. The eyelid began to bleed. Atonomatsuri pushed back again and the book case fell over. She fell with it, somersaulting clumsily as she tumbled and for a few seconds lay sprawled on the ground. Zaraki was too late to blind the eye. Atonomatsuri quickly got to her feet and backed away further.

 

“I told you it wouldn't work, it would be too late. I told you.” The words were triumphant, the tone was fearful.

 

“It could have worked the other way. The book case could have fallen over too late to save your eye. Careful not to bleed on the bear, bird. Your eyelid is bleeding.” Zaraki was disappointed at the opportunity lost. If the bookcase had stood for a minute longer, maybe she would have explained. He began to slowly move toward her.

 

“I know my eyelid is bleeding. The blood is running into my eye. I'm not as thick as you, Kenny. I do recognize and dislike pain. I notice when I bleed. I don't like to be injured.” Her voice rose as she spoke.

 

Zaraki cut her off. “Don't start that again. Every time we talk it always comes back to your pain, and then you crap on. I don't want to hear it. Tell me the secret.” He was getting closer.

 

“I'll explain about the teddy bear. It's important you know, Kenny. Very important. Life is a treasure hunt, love is the treasure.” Atonomatsuri was keeping as far from Zaraki as she could. Every so often she shook her head, trying to get the blood and tiny maggots out of her eye. Wiping the eye with the wing seemed ineffective.

 

“Always the bloody bear, except it's not bloody now. I told you once before. I'm not interested in the bear.” The nightmare bird was talking in circles again. In fact she was backing from him in circles. What sort of thing was she planning now?

 

“The bear represents all the love you have, all the good feelings, the friendships. It's small. Only a small bear because you distrust those emotions. You can't bleed on the bear. Otherwise it will kill all your love, all your friendship. .” Atonomatsuri fell silent and looked at Zaraki with a piercing gaze.

 

“Frigging hell! Damn you to the inner circle of Hades! You continue to talk rot. I knew you'd talk about love. I'm not interested in that stuff.” Zaraki was disgusted with the latest `truth' revealed by the bird. She was doing this to distract him from the secret she had pledged to impart. What use had he for love?

 

Flapping her wings, as if preparing to fly, Atonomatsuri glared at Zaraki. “I told you before, you can't deny love…” Atonomatsuri's words were cut short as Zaraki lunged at her with his zanpaku-to and managed to stab her through a wing. She shrieked in outrage as the blade cut through the membrane.

 

“Hah. The `too late' power didn't work that time. Do you ever bloody listen to me? Do you need your hearing checked? I didn't know zanpaku-to's could be deaf.” Zaraki was tied of her comments and decided that jeering at her might make her defensive. She was constantly jeering at him.

 

“You're deaf. Deaf to reason; deaf to common sense. You need to understand about the bear, otherwise you will be lost. If you bleed upon the bear, you are bleeding on your representation of love and all the other good emotions. If your blood stains the bear, your love will lie bleeding. It will destroy the bear, and your ability to love and form friendships. All your kinder emotions will be gone from your mind and you will return…” Atonomatsuri abruptly stopped in the middle of the sentence. “Love, pain, and money cannot be kept secret; they soon betray themselves. The bear is important, Kenny. Don't bleed on the bear. The bear is the reason you saved Yachiru. Yachiru is one of the reasons you have survived. At first the bear was tiny, almost impossible to see. Even you must notice it has grown since you were last in your mind.” Atonomatsuri had pulled her wing free of the blade and was again walking backwards.

 

“That's a great thought. If I form more friendships, I'll have a giant toy bear in my mind. It almost makes me feel like bleeding on the bear on purpose.” Zaraki began weaving cautiously toward the vulture.

 

She was watching him closely, copying his movements so she maintained her distance from him. Blood and maggots were dripping from the wing as she phased between whole and decomposing. Zaraki wasn't sure, but there may have been fewer maggots, and they looked less defined than the last time he'd made her bleed. Atonomatsuri seemed to be a little less decomposed in that phase too. Zaraki shrugged. It didn't matter. He had to get out of his mind. The secret was no longer important. Trying to extract facts from the bird was disturbing as she kept providing irrelevant information. He hated being trapped in his mind with her as his only method of escape. Briefly he hoped that there was another method of leaving his mind, aside from being stung by the barb in her tongue. Realistically he knew if there was another method Atonomatsuri would not use it.

 

Their eyes fixed on each other, the two circled each other, warily. Neither gaining the advantage; the same distance always being maintained. It was tedious. Nothing was happening. Zaraki was losing patience. He stood still. Atonomatsuri continued to circle for a few seconds until she noticed he was no longer moving. Craning her neck, the vulture seemed to be confused at Zaraki's change of tactic.

 

“Keep your secrets and lies. I want to go back. There is no point in being here. I've learnt bugger all and you won't tell me anything I want to know.” Zaraki let all the disgust he felt at this situation show in his voice. He sheathed his zanpaku-to.

 

“Time is short. Time flies. Time is running out.” Atonomatsuri again appeared nervous as she spoke.

 

Sighing heavily, Zaraki sat down. “I'm not going to stand around while you jabber on. I suppose you have something you have to tell me and you will tell me because it affects you. I hope it's not that the Winds of sodding Change are returning. I'm fed up with them.” Zaraki looked at the bird, considering her attitude. He wondered how long it would take her to reveal whatever it was she was going to say.

 

“I have to tell you how to control your reiatsu. You have to learn to wield me in my other form.”

 

Atonomatsuri's confession stunned Zaraki. She was actually going to tell him something useful? He shook his head in disbelief and decided that she would probably mention about the two eye patches again. “Get on with it. How do I control it? That stupid idea about two eye patches? I'll cut you again if you suggest it.”

 

“I won't mention the two eye patches again. Listen to me Kenny. This is important. If you don't control your reiatsu we won't be able to work together. You'll never reach bankai. Whatever Retsu makes won't work, because even though it the poison does control reiatsu, it is still poison. Do you understand?” The bird was speaking very seriously, almost hypnotically.

 

“No. I don't understand. Why now? Why's it important now, when you've had the chance to tell me before? You've mocked me about this. There has to be a reason. Tell me.” Zaraki knew there was a motive behind the offer. He did not trust the offer or Atonomatsuri. Past experience had made it difficult, if not pointless to foster trust.

 

“Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Why do you question me again when you should just accept? Will you never learn? Never will you learn. Why explain when you should accept.” The babble of Atonomatsuri's words did not distract Zaraki.

 

“Cut the crap. Tell me the reason or I'll bleed on the bear, or beat you senseless, or drink the stuff in the sake bottle. Hell, why don't I do all three, just for the hell of it? Might make the time pass until you let me out of here.” Zaraki folded his arms and contemplated the vulture who seemed nonplussed by his manner.

 

“Why are you making those threats? I'm going to tell you something important, Kenny. You should listen to me. You have to listen to me!” Her feet started shifting again as she talked. She shifted from one foot to the other, unwillingly.

 

“So you don't want to tell me. I remember last time you did that dance. You had to tell me, but you didn't want to tell me. Okay. I'm feeling tolerant. What stupid instruction are you going to provide me this time? Oh, that's right. How to control my reiatsu. Get on with it. I'm listening, for the moment.” Zaraki's tone was dry as he waited for the inevitable insults and obscure instructions.

 

Atonomatsuri gazed at Zaraki uncertainly. “They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love it are not equal to those who find pleasure in it. I find pleasure in the truth.”

 

“Liar,” Zaraki cut in. “Just tell me what I need to know. I don't give a damn about the rest.” Why the bird used any opportunity to speak rubbish eluded him. Nor did he care.

 

“I do not like your attitude Kenny boy. In spite of your prejudice I will tell you. To control your reiatsu you need to learn a new way to control your thoughts. Thoughts and emotions are the key to reiatsu.”

 

“That sounds like garbage to me. Are you saying I'm an emotional wreck and that's why I can't control my reiatsu? I don't want to listen anymore.” Zaraki was outraged by the suggestion.

 

“I haven't finished. I'm not saying that your emotions or your thoughts are your reiatsu; I said they are the key to your reiatsu. You don't hold back, Kenny. When you're angry, people know it. When you're fighting and happy about it, that too is obvious. It's the key, but not the whole answer. We have to work on your emotions. When you think something, you normally say it.” Atonomatsuri provided the information reluctantly. She hesitated before each sentence. Her head wagged as she spoke, and she continued to shift from foot to foot.

 

“Keys? What in the name of the devil are you talking about? Keys? Do you think this is a game of some kind?” Zaraki was frustrated by yet another obscure reference. What did she mean by her words? “I thought you were finally going to explain the too late thing. Explain that first.”

 

“Patience is the key to joy; but haste is the key to sorrow. It is all of one piece. Once you can control your reiatsu and control the size of the blade, then I can explain the first tranche of power of `too late'. You allow your emotions to rule your thoughts. That cannot be.” Atonomatsuri did not quaver as she uttered the words, but the shifting speed from foot to foot, increased.

 

“There's something you have to tell me. I remember from last time. You have to tell me something and you're resisting. You have to tell me, but you don't want to. Do you want me to help you out like last time?” Zaraki grabbed at Atonomatsuri from the sitting position, but he was too late as she quickly shifted her location. He got to his feet so he could move more quickly.

 

“I don't want your large, unattractive feet on my wings again. You hurt me last time. He who plots to hurt others often hurts himself. You can only hurt yourself if you hurt me, Kenny. We have to work together.” Atonomatsuri was continuing to shift her feet.

 

“Can you explain simply, in words I can understand, without adages and without the normal long winded attempt to distract me? Is that even possible? I knew it was a mistake to say your name. I must have been under the influence of the sake. That's a good reason not to drink. It means I end up stuck in my mind with you. I've had enough of this. Tell me, don't tell me. Let me leave.” Zaraki turned his back on Atonomatsuri, no longer wishing to look at the creature.

 

“I can't. Don't you understand? Are you being stupid on purpose Kenny? You have to listen. When we sing everybody hears us, when we sigh nobody hears us.” Atonomatsuri was interrupted by a yell of rage.

 

“You want me to listen to you, but you won't bloody listen to me you thrice damned bird. I asked you a question. I requested that you explain without the unimportant stuff and yet you continue to do what you want, say what you want and insult me. You want my mind to rule my feelings?” Zaraki quickly unsheathed his zanpaku-to and swung it at the bird while he spoke. His level of frustration and anger was greater than he could believe, but he knew that she might be focusing on his words and would not manage to avoid the moving sword. Tactically he used a left handed blow as her head was placed to the right. Instead of acting instinctively in his attack he used his judgment and waited until she blinked before he swung the blade. He focused his reiatsu at the same time to overpower the bird. To his shock the blade lodged deeply into the side of the vulture as she moved, just too late, to avoid the cut.

 

Atonomatsuri glanced down at the zanpaku-to lodged in her side in wonderment. Her eyes did not seem to accept that it was really there. “How did you do that? Did you actually think about what you were doing? I know you were angry, but did you think about it? Think with the wise but walk with the vulgar. I think you thought.” Her eyes shut and she collapsed with the zanpaku-to still stuck in her side.

 

Zaraki slowly removed the blade from her and prodded her with his foot. She did not move. Wiping the blade on some nearby wild grass, Zaraki wondered briefly if he'd killed her. It seemed unlikely. She'd said before that he could not kill her with herself or some such jumbled words. At least she was quiet. Her wound bled the mixture of blood and maggots. Again Zaraki noticed that there seemed to be fewer maggots and more blood.

 

Emotion and thought. Acting with emotion, but thinking at the same time, he managed to overcome her resistance and make her too late to move. For once it appeared that Atonomatsuri had told the truth. The emotion he understood best was anger. He had used his anger in the past for a variety of reasons, but using it with thought was disturbing. When he had first started fighting he had used instinct more than logic. As his fighting abilities increased he relied solely on his judgment and less on his instinct and emotion. He had never used his thoughts and emotion to try to focus his reiatsu before this.

 

Looking at Atonomatsuri, he noticed that she looked less decayed than before. Behind her, the bookshelf had reformed and looked stronger. In the sky a planet appeared to be reforming as he watched. Zaraki shook his head. This was seriously weird. Then he realized he was thinking and understanding again. The vulture had told him this would happen. He rested his chin in his hand as he looked at his fallen foe. He wanted her to wake up so that he could call the new blade form. If he could focus his reiatsu, the blade might be smaller. It was even possible that she might be persuaded to explain the `too late' power. It was more probable that she would make him suffer for cutting her. Shrugging, he realised he had no command over that.

 

Prodding Atonomatsuri with his foot, again, he noticed that the wound appeared to be closing. He tried to focus his reiatsu on the wound to make it heal faster, but couldn't. He tried again and failed. The third time his frustration was roused. “I've done this before. I know how to do it. I've got to work out what I need to do...” As his thoughts were forming, Zaraki found he was again controlling his reiatsu. The control was much weaker, but he directed it at the cut in Atonomatsuri's side and noticed it was healing quicker. He smiled. Maybe this was not the impossible task he had thought it would be.

 

“Thank you.” Zaraki was startled by Atonomatsuri's words and looked at the vulture lying at his feet. Her eyes were open, but seemed not to be able to see clearly.

 

“You thanked me? Why?” During all the conversations with Atonomatsuri, Zaraki could not remember a time when she had thanked him before. He'd thanked her twice, sarcastically, when she had annoyed him.

 

“You tried to heal me. After you tried to kill me, you healed me.” Atonomatsuri slurred her words. It was apparent that she was not fully aware of what she was saying.

 

“I was practicing control of my reiatsu. That's all. Healing you was a side effect, nothing more. Don't think it was anything else and don't make a big deal of it. Understand?” Zaraki did not want her to get the wrong idea. If he'd really thought about it he could have used the reiatsu to make the wound worse.

 

“You didn't have to heal me. You could have made the wound worse. There was a chance for you to kill me, not that you could, but you didn't take it. Thank you.” Her voice strengthened. “That is the first intentionally kind action you have performed for me.”

 

“Could you listen to me? I said don't make a big deal out of it. It was an accident.” Zaraki heard the rage in his voice. He didn't want the bird to think he was getting soft. Had she known he regretted not making the injury worse?

 

“I knew you could do it, Zaraki. I knew you could learn. Who dares, wins. Now you will be able to control the size of the blade. It means you might be able to understand the first part of the powers I can give you. I could not have taught you this before. Your mind had to heal to this level before you could focus your reiatsu. As it continues to heal, your control will grow.” Atonomatsuri blinked at Zaraki slowly.

 

Zaraki stared back at her. It seemed wrong to hear praise from her beak. It seemed even stranger to hear her offer to provide information without the usual blather, insults and inexplicable instructions. The praise, the thanks made him feel off centre and worried. Atonomatsuri looked at her shinigami.

 

“If you can focus your thoughts and emotions the way you have, you can also use the power of too late. You have to maintain the focus, or the power will work against you. It is a chancy power. You've invoked it by accident when we were fighting. Your anger and desire for my destruction focused your attention, but you didn't have enough will to maintain the focus.” Atonomatsuri spoke slowly, nodding her head as she spoke.

 

For once Zaraki followed her words closely. He understood them and the concepts behind the explanation. Without noticing it, his lips stretched into a smile as he listened. The bird was actually telling him something he wanted to hear. He would be able to gain more power and strength. His rage had gone and he found he could look at Atonomatsuri without the loathing he normally felt.

 

“Why do you look different?” The words blurted out of Zaraki's mouth before he could prevent them. He'd asked the question without intention.

 

Atonomatsuri looked astounded at the question. “You noticed? Never dismiss the element of surprise. You've surprised me, Kenny. Think about why. Use that rusty mind of yours to contemplate the answer.”

 

Zaraki opened his mouth to protest, but Atonomatsuri kept talking.

 

“I'll return you to your world now. Tomorrow, try using the blade again. I'm too tired to try to help you at the moment. I need to sleep. A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder. To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream.” She yawned loudly, her beak stretching wide.

 

Zaraki shuddered at the mention of the word, dream. His dream had caused this interlude in his mind. He could see the barb on her tongue waggle as she yawned. He backed away, his memory of the way she returned him to his world surfacing. He didn't want to end up feeling that weak and helpless again.

 

“Don't worry, Kenny. I won't poison you, this time.” There was heavy emphasis placed on the last two words. Atonomatsuri almost seemed to be smiling at Zaraki. “Just close your eyes. This won't hurt.”

 

Thinking it was a mistake, Zaraki shut his eyes, but not completely. He felt himself tense, awaiting the painful sting of the barb and the feeling of weakness spreading through his body. He peered through one eye ready to move out of the way if she tried to poison him again.

 

Atonomatsuri rubbed her beak over her feathers as if preening. He noticed his vision blur at the edges and opened his eyes fully. He was back in his bed and the bird had vanished. Looking at the time he noticed a minute had passed since he'd summoned the physical manifestation of his zanpaku-to.

 

Then he realised something and began cursing. She hadn't told him the secret. She'd given him valuable information, but unless the secret was about the bear, the sake or whatever else, the secret she promised had not been forthcoming. Damn the creature.

 

At least he was back in his world. Now he was tired. After rearranging his pillows and making the bed more comfortable, Zaraki lay down and closed his eyes again. He would sleep. Hopefully the disturbing dreams would not return again that night.

 

 

Author's Note:

 

An apology. In the past, I have repeated some adages. That was wrong and lazy. I am now keeping a list of the adages, quotes etc used in this story. Including this chapter, 204 adages have been used and there's more to come. Keeping the list will mean I won't repeat (I hope).

 

There was a little difficulty in trying to work out a way for Zaraki to control his reiatsu. Atonomatsuri was of little assistance. If she'd said two eye patches again I was going to let Zaraki kill her.

 

I am not revealing the name of the poem I quoted last chapter. It will happen, in time.

 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. A warm thanks to the people who review this story. The comments and support are appreciated.

 

Review please.

 

MS