Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ A mileau idea that didn't work out ( Chapter 24 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE:

This comes from an idea i had awhile back regarding alien invasions and different spins on the theme.

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The panda attempting to pound on a redhaired girl was abruptly stopped as a Drone dropped out of the sky and leveled sensor booms at the two. Like all Class Two Drones it most resembled some kind of floating lamp.

The crowd immediately found other things to interest them, as nobody wanted the Masters to decide they had too much free time.

As always the Drone spoke in perfect though overly formal Japanese with an androgynous voice. "DNA scan complete. Identification: Genma Saotome. Jusenkyo curse - panda. Identification: Ranma Saotome. Jusenkyo curse - girl. Public violence transgression entered into database. State nature of business in Nerima District: Takahashi Street Shopping Mall."

"Growf growl gruff ruuff," replied the panda.

"I ain't getting married, damnit," grumbled Ranma, a little too loud.

"Has this marriage been submitted for review and approved?" The Drone was still quite polite. Of course, it could be performing a vivisection and still maintained a certain pleasant politeness all through the process.

"No," replied Ranma, a little more cheerfully. Here was a chance to get out of it.

Meanwhile the panda had just stopped at a stall and dumped a cup of coffee over himself. "Yowch! It is a matter of family honor. Ranma *must* marry one of Tendo's daughters!"

"Searching database," said the Drone. "Six families under Tendo listed in Nerima. Specify."

"Soun Tendo, School Of Anything Goes Martial Arts," replied Genma, eyeing the Drone. If only Earth had not been conquered by the so-called Masters in the late '70s. With all the checkpoints and Drones, the life of a wandering martial artist was fraught with permits and registrations.

"Accessing database. Found. No available daughters." The Drone found evidence of Genma Saotome lying to Drones in the past and did a scan of bio-systems.

Ranma grinned. No available daughters = no engagement!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN..." Genma realized he was yelling at the Drone and this was not a good thing. He could easily end up in a panda breeding program at the least. At worst he'd be reduced to protein goo and recycled. "What do you mean 'no available daughters'?"

"Soun Tendo and Kimiko Tendo. Number of daughters: three. Eldest daughter Kasumi requested by Tofu Ono as bridal candidate. Marriage registered when no counterclaim filed: January 3, 1991. Nabiki Tendo claimed by Picolette Chardin III as wifeslave. Marriage registered January 15, 1982. Akane Tendo claimed by Tatewaki Kuno. No counterclaim filed. Marriage registered February 13, 1992." The Drone helpfully added something. "Ranma Saotome. Current marriages registered. Ukyo Kuonji. Shampoo of Joketsuzoku. Kaori Daikokuji. Multiple Marriage Partner Option filed by Saotome Head Of Clan: Nodoka Saotome."

Ranma blinked. "I have a mom?"

"She always *did* have some weird ideas about what consituted manly," admitted Genma. He remembered something of dealing with these Drones, though he was hardly an expert. "Have any of the Tendo marriages been finalized?"

"No. Do you wish to file a counterclaim?" The Tendo database showed that two of the marriages had been protested by the bride in question, where the third had a Dangerous Behavior flag.

"Yes!" Genma was quick to pounce. "It is a matter of family honor that Ranma marry a Tendo."

"Processing request." The Drone replied, sending a query to the Masters. The Masters replied back almost immediately which indicated that at least one was still interested after the events at Jusenkyo. "Note: Tatewaki Kuno - four violations of public violence restrictions, aberrant behavior and evidence of genetically based insanity. Tofu Ono - three violations of public exhibitions of destructive behavior, charges of drug ingestion dismissed after bio-scans revealed no evidence. Picolette Chardin III - genetic mutations deemed non-beneficial. Sending alert to Head Of Clan Saotome for choice regarding which daughter to engage Ranma to."

"Uh oh," said Ranma and Genma together.

"Hey, don't *I* get a choice in this matter?" Ranma demanded of the Drone.

"Meeting between engaged parties to decide compatibility received from groom and three of the marriage prospects." The Drone was now in constant communion with other Drones and the network. If it had feet, it would be tapping them. "Scheduling meeting. Location: Saotome household. Additional bridal candidates being arranged."

"More?" Ranma felt faint.

The Drone hummed slightly as medical scans went into play. "Genetic Upgrade program suggests four other possibilities. As candidates complete current travel arrangements and work assignments, they will be routed to Saotome household."

"Erk," said Ranma.

"Unless Ranma Saotome wants bride status instead of groom," suggested the Drone.

"...fine..." Ranma gritted her teeth at the suggestion of being a bride. Yeck!

"Saotome household leveled during attempted Uprising in 1988. As Saotome clan head was not one of rebels, location was rebuilt as apartment complex with attached dojo. Sufficient rooms are available. Registering. Proceed to Saotome household." The Drone paused. "Congratulations on your upcoming marriage, Ranma Saotome."

Deciding that attacking the Drone would only cause the Pain Beam to be unleashed in his direction, something he'd only experienced once as a child and had no intention of repeating, Ranma reluctantly nodded.

Genma sighed. He couldn't get away with much with the Masters. And he'd been sure that everyone had forgotten those deals he'd made regarding Ranma. Pity.

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Akane was happy. Sort of. A chance to get out of a marriage to Tatewaki Kuno? Yay! Time for the little streamers and confetti. It meant getting married to some jerk she didn't know. Not so good. Ugh. So Akane was going from happy to worried in cycles while she packed.

Nabiki was happy. Sort of. This was a chance to get married to someone who didn't keep swallowing her head as an expression of affection. She'd get the chance to eat something instead of having to sneak her food. This was a good thing. The bad thing was that she didn't know that much about this "Ranma Saotome" and if it didn't work out between her and him, she'd end up back at the Chardin residence. Very very bad. Nabiki packed and thought of ways to sabotage Akane.

Kasumi was not so happy. Nice Doctor Tofu wanted to marry her, but kept ripping up walls and dancing with a skeleton. She didn't like people who used drugs no matter what the Drones might say. Who else was she going to marry, some boy three years younger? How silly. Nabiki or Akane would make much better choices.

Shampoo was not so happy. Try to get past the Drone in the Bayankala Pass and she'd been hit with a Pain Beam repeatedly. Not good. If she tried to use the Breaking Point on it, then the Village would suffer. Everyone knew what had happened at Phoenix Mountain and in Washington DC and in Cairo and London. So she'd made inquiries about the redhaired thief, discovered that it was a *boy* who had defeated her, and had changed her "hunt down and kill" to a "hunt down and marry" - which was far more acceptable to the Masters. This whole bit about a group marriage was hardly Shampoo's cup of tea though.

Ukyo was also not very happy. Yes, Ranma would finally wed her. Genma making other arrangements was less pleasant. She'd have to get Genma Saotome into a combat arena though, otherwise she might get some violence marks against her.

Kaori was very unhappy. HER sharing a husband? This was not acceptable.

Makoto Kino whistled a happy tune. She had a fiance! His records showed him to be cute and a good martial artist. Okay, there was some competition, but when wasn't there? The database revealed that if she and he had kids: the odds were in favor of strong healthy babies and physically quite talented individuals. She hugged her parents goodbye and headed out with the feeling of eventual triumph!

Kiima wondered about this as she made her nest in the Saotome roof access. Phoenix Mountain had destroyed one Drone after most of the planet had been conquered. They hadn't lasted fifteen minutes after that as the mountain was literally cut away around them. Many soldiers had been disintegrated. She'd merely been stunned as had many of those who had not actively attacked the wave of mechanical soldiers had been. They'd been scattered and forced to live in the outside world. She'd been a young child then, and had grown up among humans. Now she had come up as a possible mate for a human boy. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad - it would be nice to have a family again.

Nodoka Saotome was mainly happy. Other than her husband doing something idiotic, she had mainly good things to contemplate. Now her manly son would have multiple wives, which was a very good thing in Nodoka's viewpoint.

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Ranma and Genma reached Maison Saotome without much problem. A three story building with a seperate room for bathing and a dojo in back.

The building *looked* old-fashioned pre-WWII construction. Except for Genma's memories of the place being smaller and looking decidedly different, it might have been there for sixty years.

"Registering Ranma Saotome and Genma Saotome," announced the outer gate as it opened. "Welcome home. Please contain violence to the area of the dojo and gym area, or to the practice field. Do you wish to hear a rundown on your fiancees, Ranma?"

"No," said Ranma, wondering what he could do to get out of this altogether. "How can I be married to more than one girl anyway?"

"Though traditional human marriages follow the one-on-one rule, it is not the only such arrangement. Polygamy has a long human history and was around for far longer in the culture of the Masters, which is similar to that of certain Bedouin tribes actually." The gate paused. "Are you going to continue standing in the street or go in now?"

Ranma grumbled as he walked through after his father. "Nobody asked me what *I* think of all this."

The gate closed and clicked off as soon as both Saotomes were within and didn't bother to reply.

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Nabiki chose room 10. Ten-do. Irresistable actually.

Kasumi chose room 11. It had a nice view of the street.

Akane chose room 13. It was available for some strange reason.

Shampoo had already arrived in room 12 and received several demerits and an appointment at a Sensitivity Training room after creating several doorways where there had been walls.

Ukyo was sulking in room 14 because she wouldn't be allowed to grill in her room.

Kaori had found room 30 unoccupied and claimed it. She'd eliminate the others from this little competition, one way or another.

Makoto had introduced herself to the landlady who had turned out to be Ranma's mother and hadn't gotten a chance to choose a room yet.

Minako, on the other hand, was sneaking into her room. She'd get a boyfriend before Makoto even realized what was going on!

If Ranma had had a clue, he'd have started running immediately.

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"Hmmmm," hmmmed a cat. "Let's just see how some of the others handle this situation."

"Indeed," said Ares. "How about Akane first? How does she handle meeting Ranma?"

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Akane looked at this boy turned girl, heard her father and his friend start talking about the marriage and reacted in a perfectly normal manner for her. "We are NOT getting married! I am NOT going to be involved in some... group marriage with some pervert! There's no WAY I'm going to marry some pervert who turns into a girl!"

Unfortunately, she'd forgotten the softball sized sphere floating nearby. "Counterclaim dropped. Engagement between Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome terminated."

Akane nodded in satisfaction.

"Marriage of Akane Tendo to Tatewaki Kuno is scheduled for this Saturday at noon," continued the Drone.

Akane began to nod, and stopped. "Excuse me?"

"Tatewaki Kuno has requested that marriage take place immediately. No legal obstacle has been found. Central calculates at least a 40% chance that after marriage has taken place, Tatewaki Kuno will become a much more responsible individual. This unit congratulates you on your upcoming marriage and advancement in caste, Akane Tendo."

"I... oh dear." Akane hung her head, wondering HOW she could get out of this now.

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Toltiir grinned. It was different at least.

Ares pushed the fast-forward. "Well, I'll bet Nabiki rejects him too."

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Ranma demonstrated the curse and explained about the whole group-marriage deal. Now that he'd gotten out of one engagement, he was hoping for others to jump out of the running too.

Nabiki crossed her arms and looked him over with a smirk. "Face it Ranma, you're my only ticket out of a marriage where I'd be a slave to a cannibal who swallows my head as a term of endearment and whose sister tried three times registering an 'unusual meal request' while basting me with plum sauce. There's *no way* a halfway-decent guy like you is talking me out of this arrangement with you instead. You simply could not equal the drawbacks of the other if you tried." She waved a hand airily. "Have a dozen other wives? Fine. Give me a few hours every other week and I'll keep myself busy in the meantime. You need someone to manage your finances anyway."

Ranma heard about the plum sauce and cannibalism and blanched. Sentencing someone to THAT wasn't something he'd do very easily. Maybe if she found someone she liked better?

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"Hah," Ares said, slapping his knee. "Looks like Ranma and Nabiki. Well, so much for the others."

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Kasumi met Ranma, but her mind was on something else entirely.

She'd seen the polished, gleaming, restaurant style kitchen of the maison. The long low tables of the common eating area. The vast refrigerator and freezer and food stores. She'd been in a pleased daze since then.

Lots of people to feed? Lots of ingredients and tools to do it with? Help cleaning? The promise of eventual children of her own?

"So, you see why you shouldn't marry me," said Ranma, demonstrating the curse and explaining about all the other wives and how there would have to be long training journeys.

Kasumi blinked. "I'm sorry, did you say something dear?"

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Kiima cooed to the latest egg as she moved it into place alongside the others in her nest.

"Citizen Kiima, please state for the record how you came across these." A Class Three Drone hovered nearby.

Kiima nodded seriously. Long association with the devices indicated that the phrasing meant that one of the hidden Masters was viewing this in realtime. As the Masters held sufficient power that her current situation could be very precarious, Kiima knew that her answer had to satisfy those Masters. Fortunately, she knew a bit about them and so could be honest enough for the Drone while couching the answers in a way to satisfy those aliens.

"Shampoo and Kaori were engaged in a combat that could have threatened the stability of the household. As poisonous substances were in use, I responded as decisively as I could." She indicated two of the eggs. That Kaori had been planning to drug the others and Shampoo had had a similar plan, with the two then going into open combat would be indicated by various recordings. Kiima had no doubt that these two getting egged was permissable.

"Noted. Corroboration available. Others?" The Drone dipped in midair briefly.

"Makoto and Minako both individually expressed doubts about the group marriage. Kiima indicated that she could help. Upon indication from both that they'd appreciate help, Kiima used available resources." Kiima left their phrasing open. If nothing else she'd be able to indicate a misunderstanding due to the way they'd spoken.

"Noted. Final occupant?"

"A friend of theirs inquired as to their whereabouts. Kiima showed friend. Friend became quite upset. Kiima stated egg technique does not harm individual. Friend indicated proof necessary. Kiima provided proof." Kiima shrugged apologetically and got on top of the eggs, spreading her wings to cover them.

The Drone communicated with the Masters, one of whom indicated interest in this development. "Please desist in the future. Proceed."

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Ukyo smiled.

Genma looked at all the spheres orbitting him and merely got increasingly nervous.

"Saotome Genma. Charges have been pressed against you. You have heard the evidence and testimony against you. Do you have any last statements before Judgement?"

Everyone present heard the capital letter in Judgement. Considering the Masters had a view of justice that could be pretty barbaric, Genma really began sweating.

Genma pulled himself together. "Yes. Everything I did was for the sake of the Art. For the Art and for my son. Everything was to better him or for his benefit."

Ranma couldn't help but snort. Ukyo laughed. Several others expressed varying shades of disbelief.

"Lying to a Class Three Drone is also an offense." One sphere turned red. "Guilty."

Another sphere turned red. "Petty theft: two hundred thirty two counts. Guilty."

Another sphere turned red. "Assault without sufficient cause. One hundred eleven counts. Guilty."

Another sphere turned red. "Public display of violence in inappropriate venue. Two hundred seventy nine counts. Guilty."

A sphere turned blue. "Conspiracy to rebel against the Masters. Two counts. Not guilty due to not being clever enough to actually pull it off."

"HEY!" Genma growled at the insult.

More spheres turned red.

"Sentence," said the first sphere, "subject Genma Saotome will be available in public combat arena number four. Subject will be available for challenges and attacks of vengeance from 8am to 5pm Monday through Friday with a one hour lunch beginning at 11am."

Genma sighed in relief. Hey, it beat having to work a *real* job.

Ukyo smiled. Genma would be where anyone paying ten yen could come in and beat the royal snot out of him. Figures that those annoying aliens would find a way to profit off of this, but it sounded like she'd finally get a measure of payback. Especially after selling the information to all the other restraunteurs and people who had a grudge against Genma Saotome.

Genma asked if lunch would be provided for him.

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Happosai was the aged martial arts master/pervert in a society where his normal activities had been outlawed.

Steal food? Get a Pain Beam.

Dodge responsibility? Get a Pain Beam.

Steal women's undergarments? Get a Pain Beam.

Discovering that the effects of the Pain Beams were increasing and that there were *worse* punishments awaiting him, Happosai had tried to go straight. These Drones were not pushovers. They were fast, hard to hurt, immune to a number of chi attacks, and could spot him in an instant no matter his disguise.

Going straight had lasted for three days. At which point the aged pervert had snapped.

A world without perversion was not a world Happosai could tolerate. Whether it was the Crystal Tokyo that Usagi Tsukino might have eventually brought about, or the alien Masters and their superior technology, it was one of rigid Order. Happosai and the Anything Goes School he had founded were based on Chaos.

A one-pervert rebellion against the aliens had commenced.

Happosai *was* a Master of Anything Goes and was constantly having to upgrade his skills to levels he hadn't even had to use during his younger days. Every trick he'd ever used was developed further, every skill honed to perfection.

The word got out. Women began airing their panties out on lines again, secretly smiling if their undergarments vanished. A little act of rebellion perhaps, but one they could get away with.

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"Happosai's a HERO?!" Ares stared. "A symbol of freedom and rebellion against the system?"

Toltiir blinked. "Now THAT is different."

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