Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ What If Albus Dumbledore Raised Ranma? ( Chapter 31 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Batt smirked. Exe scowled.

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Ranma sent a glare towards his uncute fiancee. "Stupid muggle."

Akane glared back. "Freak!"

"Angry cow!"

"Freak! Pervert!" Akane made a sweeping gesture. "As far as I'm concerned, our engagement never happened!!"

Ranma shrugged. "Fine. Have it your way. I never asked to be engaged to some PMS ridden sow with all the fine self-control of a rabid wolverine!"

"DIE RANMA!" Out came a shinnai.

"Petrificus Totalus!"

THUD!

Genma was instantly present. "RANMA! You promised you wouldn't use magic on your fiance! But then you have no honor do you?! HUH?! DO YOU?!"

"Look you stupid git, when Dumbledore took me in after that crap with the damn cats, I went through seven kinds of hell to get me hands on the magic. I was sick for two damn years after that but it was *my* choice rather than be some earthbound muggle rampaging twit like yerself." Ranma glared at his father and slapped his wand into his palm. "Still, when I turned sixteen I left Hogwarts and came back to Japan, I did. Wanted to get together wi' me folks and see if we could come to terms. But NOOOOOOO. Y'had to go and pull one lame manuever out of your ass after another." Ranma didn't bother to point out that Akane had broken off the engagement. He didn't really feel it would make any difference.

"RANMA! HOW DARE YOU BACKTALK TO ME!" Genma began crying. "Oh, the shame! My son and only heir has no honor!"

"You want the houses to be joined, YOU marry the bitch!" Ranma glared at his father. "As for meself, *I* am heading to that nice Japanese college of thaumaturgy and complete my studies!"

Soun merely stared at the wand in Ranma's hand as if it was a loaded weapon. You see, Soun had his faults but he could get a clue on occasion.

"RANMA HOW DARE..." Genma got crosseyed staring at the business end of Ranma's wand pointing at his nose. "I thought I broke that thing and hid the pieces."

"I have my ways old fool," growled Ranma. "GoodBYE!"

Ranma left by the front gate, his luggage following on chicken legs behind him, having packed itself during the discussion.

Nabiki came out of the house (having stayed out of the line of fire earlier) and tsked. "So, how long do you suppose it will be before this spell wears off Akane?"

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WHAT IF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE RAISED RANMA? an omake by Gregg Sharp
all apologies to R.K. Dowling

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Ranma straightened his backpack and counted on his "Oculara Obscurum" spell to operate while he caught the bus to the train station and from the train station to Azabu Juuban. While there he felt some odd magical signatures, but he was heading to the College and not about to change course to investigate this.

Of course not everyone felt the same about him.

-------

To get to Hogwarts required finding Platform 9 3/4, riding the train to the docks, and then crossing the waters on some boats.

Tokyo had its own rituals. As one should expect of a land as steeped in ritual in Japan.

To get to the Tokyo Thaumaturgy and Technical, one needed to go to Azabu Juuban and from there to a small alleyway behind a jewelry shop. When in the alley, which came to a dead end, one got into the phone booth, pressed "T" three times and when the phone booth had spun around to the other side of the wall, you got on the subway. The special line took you straight to TTT.

What he didn't expect was a blue haired girl with glasses, a slightly taller girl with a ponytail, another girl with a bow in her hair, another girl with ridiculous ponytails, and a suspicious looking girl in a Shinto shrine maiden outfit to come rushing up obviously looking for something.

"Hello," called out Ranma with a friendly wave. "New students?"

Much blinking and the group all started peering at the short-haired girl's laptop. "Uhm... Are you sure about this Ami?"

Ranma calmed himself, then sensed the magic around them. "Oh good. For a moment I thought you might be muggles." Then caught himself for responding in English.

"Muggles?" One girl repeated in a British accent.

"They call them 'mundanes' in America, muggles in England." Ranma held out his hand to the English speaker. "Ranma Saotome. I just graduated from Hogwarts in England."

The girl with the ribbon in her hair stared a lot at Ranma, but then so was the tall one. When she shook his hand she seemed to stare at it briefly before she began to smile back. "Yeah, uhm, Hogwarts. Right."

"Look, I just couldn't put up with the idiocy back in Nerima, so I'm taking control of my life." Ranma winked and grinned. "Back at Hogwarts there were two very valuable lessons I learned. One is to stick up for yourself. If you let everybody and their brother dump their troubles on you, then you'll end up in the sticky end and never be able to get out. You have to be responsible you know, but not to the point where you're getting abused."

This seemed to confuse the Shinto priestess and the girl with the computer for some reason.

"Look, we can chat on the train later. I'd relish the chance to speak with some other magically inclined folk, especially after being saddled with that uncute muggle." Ranma turned his back, punched the "T" key three times, and let the phone booth revolve around. Now in an empty alley he continued down it and finally found an old fashioned steam train. How quaint!

------

"Well?!"

Ami wilted slightly as everyone confronted her and demanded results. "Well..."

"WELL?!"

Ami swallowed. "He's magical, all right. Considerably less power than we have but a different type."

"Dark Kingdom sort of thing. Damn, he was cute too," Makoto lamented. Just their lot in life. If it was a cute guy, he turned into a monster-of-the-week or was one of the enemy.

"Actually... no. There was a 0% frequency match up. He's not with one of our traditional enemies or using Silver Millenium equipment." Ami's curiosity was engaged and she wanted to learn more.

"No?!" Rei hadn't gotten *anything* from a fire reading, and so she was entirely unsure of how to progress. Running into magical boys seemed too good to be true.

Minako grinned. An ally! Or at least a really cute boy who wouldn't freak on learning his new girlfriend was a magical girl! Heh heh heh.

Makoto looked at the phone booth. That boy had moved like a martial artist. Hmmm. He was tall too. Hmmm.

Ami entered the phone booth. "If we investigate further, perhaps more of this mystery will be revealed. He pressed the same key three times. This one, I...OOF!"

Getting five Sailor Senshi (in civilian ID) crammed into a phone booth should have set some kind of record.

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The boy was happy to see them board the old train, which gleamed like new despite the apparent age. He even offered to share snacks (thereby immediately earning him many points with Usagi) while the train headed towards its mysterious destination.

"...so oddly enough I ended up in Hufflepuff. Everyone thought I'd end up in Gryffindor or Slytherin - courage or pride being the earmarks of those two. Nope. Hufflepuff. Anyway, it was barely a week after that when we had those yuan-ti show up. Still weak from the magi potion, but how could I turn down a good fight?"

Minako nodded and tried to look like she had a clue. "Yes. I see."

"Every day an adventure, still I made friends," Ranma confessed. "Hagrid, a couple of the centaurs, one of the unicorns, some of my classmates. Made a few rivals and such there too. No help for it, you know what I mean?"

"Certainly," said Ami, for once in the same boat as Minako.

Usagi perked up a little at the mention of a unicorn. Friend of a unicorn meant... she tried not to snicker.

"Anyway," continued Ranma, wondering why that one girl started snickering. "So this your first time to Tokyo Thaumaturgy and Technical? I've heard it's a pretty tough school!"

"Oh, I don't know." Minako said in response. "You know what they say. Old cats learn to trick or treat."

Ranma blinked and tried to make sense out of that.

"That's 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks' and not even vaguely a correct response, Minako-chan," whispered Rei.

"Oh, I get it," said Ranma. "You're saying that because they've been around so long, they've chosen to go for a tough image that isn't necessarily true. Got you."

Much blinking.

"I knew someone from Slitherin who was similar," explained Ranma. "Much less dangerous than her attitude was."

(Far far away, a young girl sneezed for no apparent reason. Frowning, she whispered into the stillness: "Ranma Saotome, this must be *your* fault!")

"Anything from the cart, dearie?" An old blue-haired woman pushed a cart past them. "Wasn't expecting the crowds till tomorrow. Getting an early start, are we?"

"Say, you're the woman from the Hogwarts Express, Car #7!" Ranma blinked. "I remember you!"

The woman scowled. "And I remember *you* young man. I do hope you'll keep your shennanigans under control this time around."

Producing a sheaf of yen-notes (Ranma idly wondered if Nabiki had found out where her stash of 'Ranma-photo-money' had gone) the wizard bought a number of snacks for his newfound friends.

Waiting for the foodseller to pass, Ami stared at the package proclaiming she had a "Chocolate Frog" and wondered if she dared to open it. "Uhm, 'shenanigans'?"

"Oh you know, the usual sort of thing. I was a Basher for Hufflepuff briefly until that little incident with the Rain Of Cats. At which point I had to work on that phobia. A martial artist OR a wizard has to eliminate weaknesses, after all. Then there was that bit with Slitherin and how Professor Snape left those vials of Jusenkyo water out. Major problem THAT turned out to be."

Ami opened the little packet and eeeped when the frog leapt out, hopped around briefly, then got sucked out the window.

"That seems to happen a lot," noted Ranma. "Besides, you want the card anyway. They're collectible."

Ami took out the card and read aloud from it. "There's no picture but it says: 'Madam Hooch - Instructor at Hogwarts in flying and magical transport. Changes into a hawk through her own magic. Her brusque manner is indicative of her 'take charge' and 'woman of action' nature. Once romantically linked to Professor Snape, the relationship apparently came to a bad ending about the time he became the head of Slitherin House.' Oh, there's a picture there now?!"

"Well, yes, there's a time sharing protocol for her image. One of those things, I gather." Ranma shrugged. "Taught me everything I know about flying. Though I prefer not to use broomsticks. They're too Euro-centric."

Minako started coughing. "Eeeewww, what *are* these?"

"Every Flavor Bean, never bean fond of them myself. First one I tried was 'vomit' flavored, rather put me off it did." Ranma shrugged. "On the other hand, try one of the little Ambrosia cakes - just don't eat too many."

Hesitantly, Minako took a little bite. "Mmmm?!" Light surrounded her and a wind seemed to spring up around her briefly as she closed her eyes and grinned. "oooooooooo!"

The other cakes abruptly disappeared as all the Senshi lunged for those cakes.

"Aaaaaaaaaa!" "MMmmmmmmm!" "Ahhhhhhhh!" "Ooooooo!"

Ranma waited for the effects to pass. "Not bad, eh? Only problem is that they tend to leave you hungry. They also say not to be flying your broom for an hour afterwards."

Feeling more mellow than she'd ever felt in her life, Ami tended to agree. "So you don't fly using a broomstick?"

"Nah, at least not often. Carpets are too bulky and flashy, seat cushions just aren't stable enough. That little problem with Professor Snape's Jusenkyo water limits my abilities to transform myself, and you know the problems with simply levitating." Ranma sighed.

"What little problem with transformation?" Rei was 90% convinced that this wasn't a youma or general. Though mainly that was the cake making her feel, well, cozy and relaxed. Sort of a full meal while dozing in front of a fireplace kind of content.

"Well, you're familiar with the usual water-magnet curse and the other part that's got the cold water turns the curse on and hot water turns it off, right? I've eliminated most of the water-magnet bit over the past few, but I haven't budged the main transformation curse. Spring Of Drowned Magical Girl. Terrible tragic story of girl who drowned in that spring quite some time ago. Now with the combination of me own magic and that, it can look fairly bizarre at times." Ranma gave a "what can I do?" gesture. "Maybe at T3 I can remove the rest of it. As it is I can't change into anything else, any attempt to transform meself and it reverts to that girl. Like..."

Ranma decided to demonstrate. "Raptorus polymorphus!" Which should have transformed him into a golden eagle, one of his favored forms.

The civilian ID Senshi gasped as a curvy girl appeared where the boy had been a moment ago, especially as the girl had these broad feathered golden wings from her back. Her hair being a mixture of gold and red furthered the angelic appearance.

"As you can imagine, the muggles take one look at this and suddenly I'm being chased everywhere by photographers and Islamic fundamentalists and all sorts of other people who get very upset very easily. Not fun at all." Ranma looked disgusted. "Dispelliar."

The young ladies were still trying to figure this out as the train pulled into the station.

-------

"Well, it's good of you to come by. Mister Saotome. Oh yes, and you girls weren't expected. This way please." Unlike Hogwarts, TTT was relatively new and filled with modern conveniences.

"At Hogwarts they used a Sorting Hat. What do you use here for accomodations and dorm setup?" Ranma was quite curious as he hadn't seen anything in the literature.

"Yes, how quaint, we're far more modern here in Japan," the elderly butler type proclaimed. "We use a similar set of dormitories or Houses, but we aren't as concerned with how the Europeans do things. Hogwarts sorts by philosophical bent, does it not?"

Ranma nodded. "Slitherin - pride & power, the philosophy of Self. Griffyndor - courage & honor, the philosophy of the Team. Ravenclaw - caution and attention to detail, the Seers. Hufflepuff - the weird ones."

"You were in Hufflepuff." It was not a question.

"Yes," agreed Ranma.

"Well, we go here by a slightly different system, but then this *is* a college." Jeeves motioned them towards a hall. "The houses here are judged by one's longterm goals and they are more co-ed fraternities than anything else. You're young adults and constant monitoring is not required. Just beware the Terakoya and some of the other mischievious sprites."

"No ghosts?" Ranma thought that a pity. He'd had a few conversations with the Bloody Baron about tactics and medieval warfare.

"Not quite: minor kami, we've got a kappa, a few yosei, a couple of professional demon hunters, things like that." The old man's voice betrayed a faint hint of amusement. "Even possibly a magical girl reincarnated warrior from an ancient kingdom or two."

The civilian ID Senshi nearly panicked at that and Rei had to be restrained from pulling her wand out and transforming on the spot.

"Here we go," Jeeves said, gesturing towards a doorframe. A face was engraved on the lintel, a bored looking droopy-joweled fellow with a walrus moustache. "Just step through."

Ranma, without hesitation, stepped through the doorway. The doorway's face scrunched up and considered briefly before declaring "Yojimbo!"

Jeeves nodded approvingly. "Yojimbo is an old warrior's house. Courage and honor are its hallmarks. It's said if you have lost your way, Yojimbo is the way to find it."

The girls looked nervously at each other, wanting to further check this out and allay any suspicions that this might be Dark Kingdom or something.

Ami stepped back. "I'm just visiting. I'm going to be a doctor."

Usagi stepped back, waving her hands in front of her. "I stink at tests. I'm just giving moral support to her." Usagi shoved Rei forward. "Go for it, Rei-chan!"

Rei not so quietly freaked at finding Usagi shoving her into the hot seat. "Well, I'm still attending high school and just wanted to see off my good friend here." (Grab, shove.)

Makoto's eyes went big. HER?! She didn't speak English and most of the conversation between Minako and Ranma had used that language. Which meant... "We were just seeing that Mina-chan got here on time. You know how late you are most of the time!" (SHOVE!)

Minako practically flew through the doorway, her feet sliding along the glossy tiles. "Eeep!"

The face scrunched up. "Lots of possibilities here. Lots of potential. Both good and bad. Hmmmm. Yes. Well. Yojimbo!"

Minako blinked repeatedly, then pointed at Ranma while addressing Jeeves. "Me?! In a co-ed dorm with the Incredible Hunk here?!"

Ranma blushed slightly.

Jeeves looked thoughtfully at the two. The girl had seemed to him a ditzy party animal whom he would have expected to go into "Tappa Kegga Bru" or "I Felta Thi" (two of the more rundown and disreputable unofficial dorms). "Door, explain your decision."

The doorframe sighed and rolled its eyes. "Very well. She has many bad habits and many good qualities. Through it all, however, her courage and honor have often been tested but she has overcome. First and foremost: hers is the spirit of a warrior."

Minako looked at the new respect being directed to her by the guy whose butt she had been repeatedly checking out and mouthed a "thank you" towards the door. The face winked back at her.

Of course, now that it had been revealed that alarms were *not* going to ring out as soon as one of them walked across that threshold, there were seconds thoughts occurring.

"You might reconsider, Mizuno-san," said Jeeves as the group tried to come to a decision. "There are many paths to becoming a physician and what you learn in just one quarter at TTT could benefit you a lifetime."

"...how did you know my name?" Ami was feeling *very* nervous.

Rei took this as her cue. Time to cut loose and prove whatever dastardly plot was afoot, Sailor Mars could handle it! "Mars Crystal Power, MAKE UP!"

Ranma wondered why that girl was standing there, pointing some gaudy pen at the ceiling, and seemed to be waiting for something.

"Mars Crystal Power, Make up?" Jeeves asked politely.

Rei began shaking her pen. "Mars Crystal Power. Make Up. Mars Power Make Up. Mars Eternal Power Make Up. Come on damn it!"

Makoto whipped out her own pen. Unfortunately she'd been sweating nervously and the pen squirted out of her fingers and across the room. "...oh hell..."

Usagi held onto her brooch. "Moon Cosmic Power. Make Up? Moon Power Make Up?"

Jeeves sighed. "You really shouldn't try that sort of thing. You'll upset the guardians."

Ami looked acutely embarassed. Minako considered trying her own transformation.

Ranma picked up the discarded pen. "Oh a hensshin wand. How cute. I think it's just blocked by the suppressing field in the audience hall."

Much blinking.

"I wouldn't advise you to do it here, those things work by a set program. And therefore here they're vulnerable. Oh, you wouldn't believe some of the pranks..." Jeeves waxed nostalgic for a moment, then considered Ranma. "Actually, *you* probably would coming from Hufflepuff."

Ranma shrugged and handed Makoto back her pen.

"Well, then I guess..." Ami blinked. They were all standing in an alley behind the jewelry shop staring at a note that stated TTT was only for students and faculty except on holiday visitations. There was no sign of the phone booth, Ranma, Jeeves,... or Minako.

--------

Minako lugged her luggage into place and checked out the room. Small, cozy, with a window that overlooked some sort of playing field. A couple of dressers, a closet, and a bunk bed made up the rest of the room. Ranma, the only other person she knew around here, was in the room across the hall.

"Look we're both cursed, and TTT is our best bet at a cure," had said Ranma. "Anyway, you need something, I'm just across the hall."

"'I'm cursed'?!" Minako had asked with a squeak.

Jeeves had complimented Ranma on seeing it and had explained that yes, Aino-san was cursed to never have to choose between love and duty - as she would have a miserable and barren love life. No matter who and no matter how - she could never find a love. This had explained a lot to Minako and given her entirely new reason to stick around.

Her friends could come visit her soon enough and her parents were *delighted* at the thought of their little daughter getting a scholarship!

All this and a clear shot at getting herself a cute boyfriend. Minako chose the bottom bunk and thumped down with an electric grin in place. Things were definitely on the upswing.

--------

Ranma set his things down. He only had to share a room with one other person? Wonderful.

He had someone he could relate to - though her curse was not a transformative one.

He was back on track to be the first practitioner of Anything Goes Mystic Arts. No muggle fiancee to start with the flamin' name-calling. No sneaky would-be sister-in-law to snap odd photos of him, particularly with the curse going off and doing that sort of thing.

He was Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts and Ranma of Anything Goes Mystic Arts. He was *not* something to go putting on Page 9 or pink bills or whatever these Japanese did. There were times he regretted not turning Nabiki into a newt.

Taking out a little packet from his bags, Ranma found the little pouch marked Nabiki. He took a single hair free from that clump and used some wax to make it a lump. Professor Snape's potion class had been fairly boring prior to that Jusenkyo incident. After that he'd taken a rather higher interest. It would take a fortnight, and the final spell had to be done on a new moon, but Thiskander's Curse Of Uncontrolled Exhibitionism sounded like decent payback. By extremely bizarre coincidences, Nabiki Tendo would find herself publicly disrobed at random times over the next six months.

That Nabiki's hairbrush had been borrowed on one occasion by Akane was not known to Ranma.

He was free of the stupid father as well. Hmmm. Have to send him something special for Father's Day. Maybe a curse of Uncontrolled Flatulance.

All in all, Ranma thought, things were looking up.

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Just wanted to try a different meeting of the Senshi and Ranma, as well as throw out some ideas on a crossover framework.