Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ Thousand Acre Omake ( Chapter 47 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

just an omake by Gregg Sharp, with scenes from White Pheonix and feedback from Kender_Sci

omake (japanese: "extra") fanfiction use: refers to a tag at the end of the real story, sometimes a short scene, an outtake, or a spamfic.

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"How bad could it be?" A Ranma grumbled. This particular Ranma had come to this place, Mimir's Well, because it was a point where multiple realities could be viewed easily. After marrying Akane, seeing his child killed, having the marriage break up due to that, having Akane find solace in Ryouga's arms, until the youngest Tendo ended up in a sanitarium, he sought to find an Akane he could take away from the native Ranma. Then he'd found out about a group of simulations being run called "A Worse Father Than Genma" and had gotten peeved.

Toltiir, Elder god of mischief, a being of extreme levels of power, blinked. "Very bad. Or very good. Depending on your viewpoint."

"Huh?"

"Observe," said the black cat as he showed a favorite timeline of his. "You know how a statue can create a template at Jusenkyo. Witness Rouge as Shiva for an example. Well, this is just the case of a few toys which were lost by a girl named Plum which then tumbled into pools. The Guide kept his daughter away, and now there's a very different fate awaiting Ranma at Jusenkyo."

"Big deal," said Ranma.

"And when the form is of a sort of cat, and you get submerged in a different sort of Catfist." The feline smirked as the image cleared.

"Oh... heck."

-------------

"Oh no! Sir fall in spring that Plum just drop toy in last week! Could have been terrible tragic story!"

"AAAAAAAAAaaaaaa... Well this isn't the Thousand Acre Wood!"

"Ranma?" A splash of hot water had turned Genma back to human but he wasn't sure of what he was looking at.

"Hi! I'm Tigger! That's Tea-Eye-Double Ga-Errr!" The anthropomorphic tiger waved. "Don't suppose you've seen Pooh?"

"What's a 'tigger'?" asked Genma after watching the critter deftly avoid being splashed by hot water from the Guide.

"The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.

"The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful chaps
They're loaded with vim and with vigor
They love to leap in your laps
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.

"Tiggers are wonderful fellahs.
Tiggers are awfully sweet.
Everyone elses is jealous,
And thats why I repeat...

"The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Are Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.

"Yes, I'm the only one (GRRrrrrrr...) ooOOoooOOooooOOOO!!!"

Genma blinked again as the critter bounced entirely out of the Jusenkyo area and down the road. "Well, that was obviously not Ranma. He's got to be around here somewhere."

------

SPRING OF DROWNED TIGGER REDEAUX, an omake

------

(bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, boing, spring)

"Ah hah, I says to myself," said Tigger/Ranma to himself. "A village. I'll just mosey by and see if they can give me some directions to the Thousand Acre Wood. Ooo hooo hooo hooooo!"

(bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, boing, spring)

-----

After having knocked Shampoo unconscious (by bouncing off her head) and landing in the village asking for directions to something called the "Thousand Acre Wood" - Cologne had asked what he was. Which had been followed by asking what a 'Tigger' was.

Which, of course, was followed by much bouncing and singing the song depicted two scenes ago.

At which point Shampoo brought out an old battered and raggedy copy of a 1970 Chinese bootleg edition of a Disney Winnie The Pooh storybook and compared the creature currently sitting on her head to the creature in the book. Everyone stared LOTS.

Which was when Lilac's tea got spilled and Tigger turned into Ranma.

Ranma was more than a little startled by this as he never remembered anything that happened when he was under the Nekoken. This had been a little different however and he vaguely remembered something happening. Just not the details.

Shampoo thought about this briefly, but the interrupted Tournament was resumed and she had to put those considerations aside for now.

To make matter worse, while Ranma was off getting the Third Degree from the Elders, some panda started eating the First Prize!

------

"They'll be here any moment," said Soun, waving around the postcard.

"Let me see that," said Nabiki, holding out her hand. Upon receiving it, she held it where she and her sisters could all read it at the same time.

The first part was in poor penmanship. [Tendo. Back from China. Bringing Ranma. -Genma]
The second part was written in English. [Me too - T.]
The third part was written in much better handwriting. [Shampoo say hello! Have aspirin ready please.]

(boing)

"What was that?" Nabiki asked.

(boing)

"What was what?" Soun asked.

(boing boing)

"There it is again," said Nabiki.

(boing toing boing bounce)

"It sounds like," began Akane.

(boing bounce toing boing bounce skip hop) "Wooohooo hooo HOOOO!"

"It's getting closer," said Nabiki as she headed for the door.

(bounce boing toing bounce skip grab bounce boing bing hop tumble)

Everyone looked to where Nabiki was currently pounced on by a stuffed tiger.

"Hello," said the tiger, his nose half an inch from Nabiki's startled face. "Name's Tigger. That's Tea - Eye - Double Guh Errrrr. Say. You're cute."

"Huh?!" Nabiki was wondering where this had come from. Also why, how, and a number of other things.

Akane briefly considered, then decided a strange talking tiger sitting on her sister's chest could mean only one thing. She casually picked a stone lantern out of the back yard and brought it down on the little pervert.

"AAAGGGHHH!" Tigger yelped as he leapt back out of the way.

"AAAGGHHHH!" Nabiki screamed as the obvious result occurred.

Looking at the small crater in the Tendo home, from which Nabiki's arms and legs and a heavy stone lantern projected, Akane realized that the pervert critter wasn't there. "Hey, who are you and why were you groping my sister?"

"I'm Tigger and that Saotome guy said I had a fiancee here," Tigger waggled his eyebrows. "Naturally, I wanted to know what a fiancee was."

"That's nice," said Kasumi, recognizing the character. "Would you like some tea, Mister Tigger?"

"Absotively Posilutely," said the agreeable critter. "Now what?"

"You *want* a fiancee?" Akane paused, ready to unleash more outraged feminine wrath.

"Don't mind me," said a voice from within the crater. "I'm fine. Really."

"Of course, I want a fiancee," said Tigger. "It involves bouncing. I love bouncing."

Akane gasped. Kasumi smiled politely and poured tea.

"You like bouncing?" Akane had known this was a pervert, now she was vindicated.

"Bouncing is what Tiggers do best," declared Tigger.

Akane twitched as she sidled around the little creature. She'd smash him flat in just a moment. "Oh really?"

"Yuppers!" Tigger nodded and sat on his tail. "Why, Tiggers are just natural bouncers. I bounce every chance I get."

"Got you!" Akane said, bringing the table down on top of the creature.

Tigger seemed to flatten momentarily between the table and the floor, then spring back the next moment. *BOING*

The table flew into the next room, a very startled looking Akane trailing it like the tail on a kite. *CRASH!*

"...serves you right..." mumbled Nabiki from her crater. "Could someone get this lantern off me?"

Akane staggered back into the room. "What *are* you?"

"I told ya, I'm Tigger!" insisted Tigger.

"What's a Tigger?"

(cue song, see lyrics above, lots of bouncing and pouncing)

"You engaged Nabiki to a Tigger?" Akane demanded of her father, having a sudden inspiration.

"Oh my, Father, that was nice. I'll get the formal teaset," declared Kasumi, making a note to also hide breakables.

"excuse me?" said a voice within a crater.

"Waaaaa! My little girl is getting married from her deathbed!"

"Excuse please!"

"Growf!"

"Oh my, more visitors," said Kasumi, who wasn't all that surprised to see some young girl and a pet panda after meeting Tigger. She was just disappointed that Eeyore and Mr. Rabbit weren't along. And Pooh, of course.

--------

Later...

A sleepy Kasumi wandered in her nightgown to the parlor where the rest of the family was having a late night chat. She yawned, clutching a pillow in one arm. "I'm sorry, Mister Tigger, but I'm having trouble getting to sleep. Would you please come share my bed with me?"

"Absotively Posilutely," said the agreeable critter, bouncing up the stairs with her.

"That, that..." Akane gasped, eye twitching.

"My plush toy fiance is cheating on me?" Nabiki gasped. "With my *eldest sister*??"

A song floated down the stairs about Tiggers being cuddlesome critters.

Soun began wailing about his daughters, mommy's little girl, and so on.

Genma, who was already very drunk, had resolved to get more drunk.

Shampoo got up from the table, yawning wearily. She murmurred sleepily. "Is good idea. Shampoo going join them now."

As the family facefaulted, scandalized, the tired Amazon went up the stairs, found the right door by the bouncing sounds behind it, and entered as Tigger concluded his cuddly Tigger song and bounced into bed with the eldest Tendo girl.

Kasumi happily wrapped the plush toy, almost visibly changing back from 'guardian of the household wa' to a cute little four year old girl whose mommy was sure to be around watching over her. She sucked her thumb.

Shampoo also seemed to regress from village champion to little girl as she just lifted the covers to crawl in and grasp Tigger's other side.

----

Kuno paused. "You're a little orange tiger. And you're marrying that soulless mercenary Nabiki Tendo? That Yakuza wannabe?"

"Yup," said Tigger. "She doesn't bounce so good just now, but I'll make her a great bouncer!"

Kuno turned red and then white and then back to red. "You've done what with her?"

Tigger bounced past Kuno. "Yup. She'll be even better at bouncing than that Akane girl in hardly any time. Just watch."

Kuno blinked, turning white again. "Akane... has... you... I... what?!"

Tigger bounced all the way to the classroom. "Dis must be the place. Ooohooo hooo HOOOO!"

--------

Kuno sat at his desk, the very picture of despair. "Akane has given her virginity to an animated plush toy?"

Unfortunately he said this while class was in session. It got very quiet in the classroom thereafter.

--------

A haggard and haunted Nabiki, at school surrounded by curious classmates, halted all conversation as she whispered in dull monotones. "Kasumi won't go to bed without Tigger anymore."

Downstairs, a haunted Akane also whispered to a stunned class. "That chinese floozy and my sister... together with Tigger..."

Kuno wandered the halls, his eyes glazed while constantly muttering. "A plush toy has stolen the virginity of my dear Akane..."

----

Girl's Gym Class:

"Hello, students. We'll be having a new assistant instructor today."

(bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, boing, spring)

Nabiki found herself lying on her back with her plush fiance's furry nose barely an inch from hers. "Hello. Name's Tigger. That's Tea - Eye - Double Guh Errrrr for those that don't know, ya' know. Today we'll have a class on Bouncing!"

Blushing furiously, the girls of the class all tried to excuse themselves.

"Wait a minute," said Midori mere moments after Nabiki had fainted. "That's *Tigger*!"

"Woo hoo hoo HOOOO, that's right!" (cue song, bouncing off heads and all available horizontal surfaces.)

"Ohhhhhhhhh," said the Girl's Gym Class.

"We'll leave Miss Tendo right here-like," suggested Tigger. "I think she's gotta delicate constitutional or something. Follow me!" (bounce, bounce, sproing, boing, bing, bong, spring, pounce) "Like that! GRRrrrrrr... ooOOoooOOooooOOOO!!!"

------

Later:

On finding herself in the Nurse's office, Nabiki had rushed back to class.

She was beginning to wish she hadn't.

"Bouncing is FUN," said Midori. "Kind of tiring though."

Nabiki twitched.

Natsuki agreed. "My legs and butt hurt, but it was just so much fun today."

Nabiki twitched some more.

Ayako rubbed her lower back. "My goodness. Who'd have thought you'd get such a good workout from something like THAT."

Nabiki twitched LOTS.

"Hey, Nabiki, hope you're feeling better," said Midori, for once caring about the mercenary icequeen. After all, if she were engaged to *Tigger* there had to be a side to Nabiki Tendo that nobody had seen before. "You are SO lucky to have a fiance like Tigger."

"Yeah, I wish *my* boyfriend could be half that cuddly and energetic," agreed Ayako.

"She fainted again," pointed out Natsuki.

-------

Tatewaki Kuno was in hell. Or perhaps it would be more proper to say HELL.

"I have been upstaged by a three foot tall talking tiger," mumbled Tatewaki Kuno.

"You're kidding, you were watching?" asked Hiroyuki.

"No kidding. He took the entire girl's gym class for rides, and he had them all bouncing all over the place, it was..." Tetsuo's eyes glazed as he remembered. The music, the bouncing, the giggling, the strange warm and fuzzy sort of atmosphere. "...kinda surreal. Guy's got a lot of energy - he never slowed down."

Tatewaki Kuno fell over as if he had just been turned to wood and chopped down. Why couldn't that have been *him?* "I must smite this villain!"

"Careful he doesn't bounce you," suggested Tetsuo.

"GAK!" The great and noble Tatewaki Kuno felt something unthinkable. Fear.

-------

"Tigger-chan, can you come tuck me in and read to me?" Kasumi called sweetly from the top of the steps. "It's cuddle time again." She smiled charmingly.

"Woo hoo hoo HOOOO!! Hurray!" (Bouncing off of every wall, ceiling, floor and railing as the plush toy responded to the summons).

"Shampoo not miss this, too." (bouncing up the steps herself)

Nabiki cried wet tears down both sides of her face, weeping over the toy she loved cheating so openly on her.

-----

Golden Pair Martial Arts Figure Skating.

"Nabiki! Little Azusa challenges you! The winner keeps Matrina as her own!"

"Land's sakesss," grumbled Tigger. "How can she still not get my name right?"

--------

Nabiki stood outside her sister's door, daring herself to enter. The sounds of bouncing, laughing and giggling was just too hard for her to hear. It went on night after night. She steeled herself, reaching for the Ice Queen and finding only water, it flowed down both her cheeks as she reached out to open the door. Blinded by her tears, she stepped in long enough to sob.

"Tigger... Ranma, I... I *love* you... and, *snif*, if... if you want, I'll... you can go ahead and... *sob*... make love to my sisters and those other girls too. I won't mind, *snif*, just so long as you love me too."

Kasumi and Shampoo, who'd been playing innocent card games with Tigger, looked at each other, then at Tigger (who'd chased a sobbing Nabiki out of the room when she'd fled, trying to cheer her up), and shrugged.

"Work for Shampoo. Glad sister make offer. Very nice-nice."

Kasumi just smiled enigmatically and reached for the bag of marbles. "Shall we play another game till Tigger-chan comes back?"

----

Dr. Tofu steadily and calmly looked over Akane's butt as she leaned forward over the examination table, pants down around her ankles. "Hmm, I'd say that you're not getting enough lower body exercise for the kind of bouncing your trying to do. Jogging just works the muscle groups differently. You might want to go more slowly until you get used to it."

"NO WAY!!!" Akane shouted, standing straight and clenching a fist. "I'LL SHOW HIM!! I'M GOING TO BE THE BEST BOUNCER IN NERIMA!!"

Tatewaki Kuno, leaning against the clinic's outside wall, heard this and continued to cry.

--------

(bounce bounce toing boing spring jump somersault bounce twang bop boink bounce) "Oooo hooo hooo HOOOO!"

Daisuke shook his head at the usual antics going on behind him. Ranma/Tigger had been at the school over a month now and... the little guy just seemed to grow on you - what with that "can do" attitude and somewhat moronic but enthusiastic approach to life.

"Where... is Furinkan High School?"

"You're here," said Daisuke.

Ryouga exclaimed happily. "At last! Now. Where is Ranma Saotome!"

"Well, he's..."

*splash!*

Daisuke looked around. Where was that guy that had been here a moment ago?

"Oh well, hopeless I guess, let me just go and have a sit down."

Daisuke blinked and looked down. A blue plush burro roughly four feet long and a little over two feet high. "EEYORE?!"

"So I'm told," sighed Ryouga heavily. "Don't mind me. I..."

(stampede trample cloud-o-dust)

"IT *IS*!" squealed Midori.

"Uhm, excuse me," sighed Eeyore/Ryouga again dejectedly. "I'll just be going."

"No," corrected Midori with nods from the crowd of girls around her.

"No?" Ryouga said, sure this was going to be another nightmare.

"No," repeated Midori. "You're *way* too cute!" The crowd of girls nodded at this.

"I'm... what?" For Ryouga this was like being told that instead of the expected firing squad, you'd just been issued an invitation to a banquet.

At which point a half dozen young girls grabbed him, hoisted him up, and hauled his plush toy body up to their classroom.

Another sigh escaped his lips. "...damn you, Ranma, it's all your fault I keep getting cuddled by strange mainly cute women..."

Daisuke slowly climbed back to his feet. "I'm getting used to being trampled but Midori really needs to stop wearing those heels. Ouch."

----------

The Black Rose tried to ambush this Furinkan crowd.

Operative word - *tried.*

Every attack was neatly avoided as the girls *bounced* out of the way.

What was worse was that she thought that her own presence had been largely ignored.

"This is intolerable! I shall..." (trip, thud, wham!) trip over a large plush donkey?!

*Weary sigh.* "Sorry about that. My own fault really. Oh the humanity of it."

"How DARE you trip the... Black rose of saint hebere... ke..." Kodachi's violet eyes stared as she took in the sight. There hadn't been a number of pleasant memories of her childhood, but one had just surfaced. When her mother had read to her from a book, and in that book had been. "...eeyore?!"

"So I'm told," sighed Ryouga/Eeyore.

Kodachi twitched. "That's it. I'm done experimenting with black lotus. This is entirely too surreal. Hmmm. That would explain why I couldn't strike the girls, early effects of a hallucination."

"Tell me about it," agreed Ryouga/Eeyore.

"You're obviously some aspect of my own personality viewed through this hallucination," mused Kodachi Kuno. "I think that's how this sort of thing is supposed to work. Probably the innocent child I could have been. So, what bit of wisdom can you impart to me?"

Ryouga/Eeyore ruminated on this briefly. He had to admit that he became a good deal more thoughtful/philosophical in his cursed form and also tended to be more depressed. And while he might rail against the inhumanity of it all, being grabbed up and cuddled by strange girls wasn't quite the horrific curse he often made it out to be. He took one look at the girl and thoughtfully came up with a suggestion. Which, oddly enough, had originated with advice Tigger had given him. "Lighten up. Don't take things too seriously. Go out and have fun once in awhile at least."

Kodachi nodded and vowed to give it a try.

-----

Happosai vs Tigger. Ohh, the pain...

----

(bounce, bounce, bounce)

The students hopped by, over the trees, over the rooftops, in between fences and out of alleys on their ways to school.

(bounce, bounce, bounce)

All of them practically immune to her ladle throws.

(bounce, bounce, bounce)

The ladle lady was washing her walk, flinging the water about in all directions, trying to catch a *single* student. Her daily average had sunk so far she now hit less than each week than she used to in a *morning*!

(bounce, bounce)


----

(Boing, boing, bing, sproing, pounce!!)

Ukyo Kuonji lay on her back, looking up at the furry tiger perched on her chest peering at her an inch away from her nose. "Hi! Name's Tigger. That's Tea...."

"Wha.. what... WHAT!!???" The chef on a vengeance quest skittered along backwards she dislodged the plush tiger and managed to end up fifteen feet away with her battle spatula in hands. Hair sproinged, she demanded. "What are YOU!!?"

(cue song, see lyrics above, lots of bouncing and pouncing)

At the end of the song Ukyo found herself face down on the ground with a cute and cuddlesome Tigger perched on the small of her back.

He bent over to poke his head in her face. "Do you know Pooh?"

Ukyo's smudged face scrunched up in a mimic of consternation, but her heart wasn't in it. "No, I'm on a vengeance quest against the man who stole my honor."

"A Quest!!" Tigger shouted excitedly, bouncing her to a sitting position with him in her lap. "That's the sort of thing Pooh would do! Christopher Robin would too! Ooohooo hooo HOOOO!"

-----

Taro brings spring of 'virtuous man' water to splash Happosai, and gets...

----

Miss Hinako Ninomiya sat at the front of the classroom licking on a gigantic sucker while cuddling Eeyore under one arm and Tigger under the other.

A student raised her hand. "Excuse me, miss Hinako?"

"Yes?"

"We don't think it's fair that *only* you get to cuddle them during classtimes."

----

Nabiki counted her money.

She counted it again.

She glanced over to the dojo, shaking her head at the strange music whistling out from all corners, and the shockingly huge pile of discarded shoes at the entrance.

Her parent, the bum, man most likely to drink himself into a stupor or cry himself to dehydration over everyday events, had managed beyond all odds to give her a fiance with at least three unusual (some would say impossible) talents.

One, he had saved their dojo from financial insolvency without any apparent effort, and was doing more outside the doors; helping out in classes, schoolyards, and just strangers on the street like a walking... err, *bouncing* PR firm.

Two, as a direct consequence of #1, he had, independant of any help from her, completely redeemed her from her Ice Queen persona, saved her reputation, and made her enormously popular.

Three, Kasumi was laughing and giggling all the time, and, she had to admit, Nabiki was doing her share of that too. Even Akane was known to forgive the Tigger's perceived pervertedness on occassion at hearing Kasumi laugh. It was as if the pall of gloom the hung over their doors from infancy was gone, vamooshed, vanished.

Shampoo had renovated the front of the Tendo house into a ramen stand and now sold as much volume to the students as the concession stands at a sports stadium. Ukyo had bought the property across the street and now ran an all-night Bouncercize and Eatery.

Nabiki was earning fifteen percent from just sitting on her buttocks, engaged to one of the most cuddlesome cash cows ever imagined.

His panda of a father was laying in a depressed and despairing stupor in his own little corral, as the prime attraction to the neighborhood children's petting zoo.

She shrugged and bounced off to join the class.

==========