Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Dead Angels ❯ ~Good bye letter~ ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

by: AniDragon

*****Memory*****
Eriol waited impatiently at the hospital with Tomoyo, Touya, Yuki, Fujitaka, and a few more of Sakura's friends. He glanced over at his wife and smiled when he saw her preparing her camera. He put his hand on hers and she looked away from her work to see him.
"Relax," He told her, "The doctor will tell us once the baby's here, and you can prepare your camera then. In the meantime, save your strength."
Tomoyo smiled, then leaned her head on his shoulder, "Sorry. Sakura-chan's going to become a mom, and I'll be doing the same in a week or so. I think that's reason enough to be exited."
"I suppose your right," He said, then put his hand on her stomach, "And speaking of our baby, did you think of name yet?"
Tomoyo grinned, "As a matter of fact, I did."
"And what might that name be?"
"Well, if it's a boy, I was thinking we could name it Clow."
Eriol sweat dropped, "You're kidding, right?"
Tomoyo laughed, "What? It's a good name! Do you have a better idea?"
Eriol shrugged, "Not really. What if it's a girl?"
"I don't know. Maybe Cleo, or something like that."
"That sounds like a good name," He said, then kissed her forehead, "And I'm sure that no matter what we name it, the baby's going to be a wonderful person. After all, you're it's mother."
"Flatterer," Tomoyo accused with a smile.
"Of course."
He wrapped one arm around her shoulder, resting the other on her stomach. She closed her eyes, forgetting about preparing her camera. Just then, the doctor came out and gave them a sad look. Eriol nudged Tomoyo to get her attention.
Touya got up, "What's wrong? Did anything happen to the baby?"
"The baby's fine," The doctor informed him, "But I'm afraid that the mother didn't survive."
*****Discovery*****
Eriol blinked as the memories returned to him. Why he was thinking about that now, was a mystery.
The day after the party, Tomoyo had called Syaoran's house to see how Nadeshiko was doing. There had been no answer. Thinking that they had probably just went out for dinner, they decided to call again later. Now monday had come, and Eriol had to come teach his class, but both he and Tomoyo were getting incredibly worried, since there hadn't been any answer all weekend. Tomoyo was going to stop by their house on her way to work that very day, and was going to come tell him what was going on during lunch.
He shook his head to clear the memories and went back to teaching.
"And now," He told his class, starting to write on the blackboard, "If you want to calculate side 'C' of the triangle, you use the following formula: A²+B²=C². For example, if A=8 and B=15, then 8²+15²=C², so 64+225=C², so 289=C². So to find C, you have to find the square root of each side. So in other words, you find the square root of 289, and the square root of C². The square root of C² is, of course, C. And the square root of 289 is 17. Now--" Eriol turned to notice that not one person in his class was paying attention.
'Am I that boring?,' He thought to himself. His second period class never listened to him. Nothing ever seemed to work. The only thing he never tried was....
'Hold on a sec.... That's what I'll do!'
He began pacing in front of the class, "And I'm just walking and talking. Walking and Talking. Just to myself, no one's listening. I'm just walking and talking."
Still, no one listened. He tried another tactic.
"The little red riding hood--"
"Um, Hiiragizawa-san, what are you talking about?" One of the students finally asked.
"Ha! You're paying attention! Tell me the square root of 25!" He exclaimed, asking the first thing that came to his mind.
"Um... I don't know," The guy muttered.
"You don't know the square root of 25?"
"No."
"Do you know the square root of anything?"
"No."
"...Do you know what 'square root' means?"
"No."
Eriol sighed, "You're supposed to be in grade 10, Christopher, not grade 5."
The boy shrugged, "Whatever."
"Did you smoke anything?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know." Eriol stated.
The boy shrugged again.
Eriol took a deep breath. This particular class was getting on his nerves lately. He opened his moulth to say something else, but then heard a knock at the door.
"Talk to me after class," He informed the boy, then went to answer the door. He was surprised to see Tomoyo. Her eyes were red. She had been crying.
"What's wrong?" He asked as he led her into the hall, "Did something happen to Syaoran or Nadeshiko?"
Tomoyo nodded, "It's Nadeshiko. She... She's dead!"
"What?"
Tomoyo began crying again, and Eriol put his arms around her, "Tell me what happened. Was she attacked by someone?"
Tomoyo shook her head, "No... She killed herself..."
This news surprised Eriol more then anything else. He had known Nadeshiko was upset because of her fight with Cleo, but to go that far?
"When did this happen?"
"The police said that Syaoran found her Saturday after work. She hung herself in the back yard."
"Wait here, I'll be right back."
He opened the door to his classroom, "You guys can go early," He told them, then closed the door, "Ok, let's go."
*****Letter*****
Syaoran vaguely noticed the policeman asking him questions, and he even answered a few of them, but in the end, he didn't care about them.
Nadeshiko was dead. She was gone forever. She would never smile again. Never laugh. Never scream because of a spider. Never speak. Never breath. And that was all that mattered. First he had lost Sakura, and now Nadeshiko? Who was next?
He blinked as a policeman handed him a folded piece of paper found in Nadeshiko's room. Written on it was: "For daddy's eyes only".
He opened the piece of paper slowly and silently began reading what was written.

"Dear daddy,

I bet you're wondering why I did this. If I owe an explanation to anyone, it's to you especially. Please don't let anyone else read this letter. It was written for you, and you alone. You're the only one who deserves to know why I'm now dead.

If you're thinking it's because of my fight with Cleo, you're wrong. Cleo was my friend, true, but if she doesn't want to be around me, then I don't care.

You see, that's the thing. I don't care about anything. The only times I've cried have been for selfish reasons. I've never cared about anything but myself, and I hate that. And because of that hate, I began hating everything around me. I hate my school. I hate Crystal and her stupid band. I hate the 'cool crowd'. I hate life. I know that things won't get better if I die, but I'm just sick of living each day hating everything and everyone. Everyone but you, daddy. You're the reason it took me so long to come to this decision. You're the only person who's ever loved me. But I'm not even sure if I can return that love. If you were the one who had died, I don't even know if I would have cried.

You're the only person I'm ever going to tell this to. An online friend of mine posted a suicide note on her website last week. I never told anyone, mostly because I didn't know if she was really dead or not. I never knew her in real life. Someone may have stopped her just in time, or maybe the note was just a joke. I don't know, and I guess I never will. The reason this matters is because when I read that note, I didn't even shed a tear. Not even one. What does that say about me? Am I so heartless that I can't even cry over my friend's death?

This is why I'm going to kill myself. Even if I go to hell, at least then I won't need emotions. Anything's better then the life I have now.

If you cry for me, then that's fine. You don't how privileged you are to be able to cry for someone
other then yourself.

Yours truly,

Nadeshiko."

Syaoran gripped the letter tightly, tears coming to his eyes. This whole time he had been thinking it was because of that little fight with Cleo. But now he saw that this would have happened anyway. He couldn't blame Cleo for anything. If anyone was to blame, it was himself for not seeing this coming. But even if he could have seen it coming, what could he have done? It was all too confusing for him, and his mind didn't want to think right then.
"Li-san!" A voice said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked up from the letter to see Eriol and Tomoyo.
"I just heard," Eriol said, "I... I'm sorry..."
Syaoran looked away, "I don't know why I didn't see this coming," He told them, his voice cracking, "Until her fight with Cleo, she always seemed so happy. Had I known she was feeling sad..."
"There was nothing you could have done," Tomoyo told him, "Even if you would have known, it wouldn't have changed anything."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I don't know," She admitted, "But the point is, you can't change what happened."
"I... I have the return card..." He started.
"You can only see the past with that," Eriol told him, "You can't change it."
"Isn't there any card that can help?"
Eriol shook his head, "No. I'm sorry."
And so there was silence.
*****Judgment*****
"Nadeshiko Li, step forward."
It was dark. That was all she knew. She couldn't see anything.
'How am supposed to step forward if there's nothing here? Not even a ground,' She asked herself.
As if the dark void heard her thoughts, a single light started shining to her right. She could vaguely make out the shape of an angel waiting for her.
'I guess this is it,' she thought grimly, 'This is where they decide if you go to heaven or hell. That last one doesn't sound too great, but it's better then floating around in the dark.'
"How do I--" She started, but then an unknown force began pulling her towards the angel. Once she was in front of it, her feet found ground.
"You seek death," The angel stated.
"Even hell would be better then my life," She answered.
"Are you so sure?" He asked, "You've never seen hell, thus it would be impossible for you to judge it. If you think it's physical torture, then think again. What good is physical torture if you're already dead?"
"I don't care what kind of torture it is!" She shouted, "I just don't want to live anymore! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of hating everything!"
"And who says hell is where you're going?"
Nadeshiko crossed her arms, "And why wouldn't I go there? It seems as if it's where I deserve to go."
"And who says what you deserve?"
She shrugged, "God, I guess."
"Exactly. And God loves everyone, correct?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Then why would he want anyone to suffer if he loves everyone?"
"Because... because it'll teach them that they can't just do whatever they want. There are always consequences. And everyone wants what's best for the ones they love. And if punishing them will teach them a lesson, then that's best for them."
The angel smiled, "It's funny how you say that you don't know how to love, yet you seem to understand love so well."
"I'm just really observant, that's all."
"It's quite a shame that you decided to take your life, Nadeshiko Li. The world could have used someone like you."
"The world will do better without me."
"And your father? How do you think he will go on without you?"
"I... I left him a note. That should help him understand. At least a little bit. And over time he'll get over it."
"Are you so sure?"
She nodded, "Yes. It may take a while, but I know he won't be hurt forever."
"Then that is your punishment," The angel said, "Watch your father's pain, and only once he 'get's over' your death will you be able to see heaven's doors.
And with those words, the angel disappeared. And now, Nadeshiko was back on earth, standing next to her father. But he couldn't see her. No one could. That is, no one except the other spirit in the room. But this spirit wasn't here as a punishment. She had earned her wings, and was watching Syaoran as a guardian angel. Nadeshiko had never met her, but had seen enough pictures and videos of her to recognize her right away.
"Mamma?" She stammered.

~End of part 5~

(A/N: *bangs her head on the table* I've been watching too much Neon Genesis Evangilion. The letter Nadeshiko wrote was basically based off the two last episodes. But it still turned out good! Yay! Anyway, the next part should be out faster since I already know what to do for it. So anyway, please review!)

~AniDragon~