Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Dead Angels ❯ ~Balance~ ( Chapter 6 )

by: AniDragon
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**********Light and Dark; Life and Death**********
Tomoyo came into Eriol's study as he was looking through some records he had made about the Clow cards. She put her arms around his shoulders, "What are you still doing up? It's almost midnight."
He smiled and took his glasses off, "Sorry. I've just been doing a little bit of research."
"You're actually working at a time like this?"
"This isn't for work," He told her, "It's for... well, remember when Syaoran asked if there was any card that could help?"
"Yes, of course."
"Well, at first I didn't think there was, but after thinking about it I realized something."
Tomoyo pulled up a chair and sat down next to Eriol, "And what might that be?"
Eriol took a deep breath before answering, "Well, when Sakura died, most of the cards stayed in the book, but a few of them escaped. Syaoran eventually found them all, except for two. The Light and the Dark."
"Are you saying that those cards can help us get Nadeshiko back?"
Eriol nodded, "It's just a theory, of course. But one thing I know for sure is that those cards are the strongest in the entire book. Light and Dark are only two of their powers."
"What does this have to do with Nadeshiko?"
"Well... When Clow Reed created those cards, he wanted them to be The Life and The Death, but he wasn't able to give them enough power. But when Sakura converted them, they became more powerful."
"So you're saying that the Light card could bring Nadeshiko back to life?"
"Maybe. But we'll have to find it first. And even if we do find it, there's no guaranty that it'll work."
"But it's worth a shot, right?"
"Of course. But there's another problem. Light and Dark are... how should I put this... symbiotic. Light can't do anything if Dark isn't around, and vice versa. So we'd have to find both cards. And that could be a problem."
"Why is that?"
"Well.... To use the Light, you have to use the Dark at the same time. Otherwise, it'll create an imbalance. So if we use the Light to bring Nadeshiko back, we'll have to use the Dark for something. It could take somebody's life, or even plunge the entire world in darkness. Maybe even worse. And I'm not sure if I'm willing to take that risk."
Tomoyo was silent after that. Eriol was right, it was too big of a risk. But would Syaoran think so?
**********Learning to love**********
~I know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could live for no one else
But now, through all the hurt and pain
It's time for me to respect
The ones you love mean more then anything.~

"Mamma?" Nadeshiko asked in a week voice. It was strange, Sakura was standing right there, but didn't seem to know about the lost spirit of her daughter standing next to her.
"Mamma!" She called again, with no result. She extended her hand to touch her mothers shoulder and... nothing... Her hand went right through, as if Sakura wasn't even there.
She took a step back. Was this hell? Being so close to her mother and not being able to touch her, to talk to her? She wasn't even sure if she was really there. It could have been an illusion. Could it have been the cards, playing a trick on her? To be honest, she had never really had the best attitude towards the cards. She had even suspected that they were fake a few times. Had they known about that? Had they held some sort of grudge against her, and this was their way of showing it?....
......But her father had always told her that the cards weren't like that. They were good, for the most part. Except Hope.... Hope was a negative card, wasn't it? But how could it be? From what she knew, hope seemed like something positive. But then again, who was she to judge what hope was? She had given up on it that night after the party, hadn't she? But even so.... was that the negative part of the card? Did it take away hope? Was that what happened? Or was there something bigger?

~So with sadness in my heart
I feel the best thing I can do
Is end it all and leave forever.
What's done is done, it feels so bad
What once was happy, now is sad
I'll never love again, my world is ending...~

Nadeshiko shook her head, trying to clear up her thoughts. What good would it do to figure all that out now? It wasn't like she could undo her actions now. And besides, she didn't want to.... did she? If she could go back a few days, would she have stopped herself?
She sat down on the ground and looked at the angel who was her mother. It was bad enough that she had to watch her father hurt so much. But to have her mother within her reach, yet unreachable... Yeah, this was definitely hell...
She gasped as her father got up from the couch. He looked terrible. His face was red and streaked with tears. He picked up a picture that had been sitting on the coffee table. It was of her, sitting on his shoulders when she was five. It had always been his favorite.
He wiped his eyes and put the picture down, then made his way to the front door. Sakura was following him. Nadeshiko frowned, then followed as well. The angel was acting strangely. Her face looked blank, emotionless. She was following Syaoran as if she was a mindless robot. What was going on?

~I wish that I could turn back time
'Cause now the guilt is all mine
Can't live without the trust from those you love.
I know we can't forget the past
You can't forget love and pride
Because of that it's killing me inside.~

She followed her father to a nearby park, then finally, to the big willow tree in it's heart. She knew this tree meant a lot to him. Why, she wasn't sure. But then again, there were a lot of things she wasn't sure of anymore.
He put his hand on the bark of the tree, and tears began to stream down his face once again. All for her, his only daughter. He was crying for her. Why? Why was she so special to him? All she ever did was sit around the house, watch TV and practice her guitar. She never helped clean anything, and always acted like a spoiled little brat. So why would her death hurt him so much? She was just a burden to him. Always in the way, stubborn, sloppy. His life would probably be a heck of a lot easier without her, wouldn't it?
He should be happy now that she was gone, shouldn't he?
She found herself shivering, even though she wasn't cold. And now there were tears coming down her face as well.
"Don't cry for me!" She shouted at him, "Stop it! Stop crying! I'm not worth it!" She ran up to him and tried to grab his shoulder, with no success. After all, a spirit can only do so much. She could only watch his tears fall to the ground. Angrily, she turned to her silent mother, "Why are you just standing there?! Don't you care that he's crying now?! Don't you care that the one you love is in pain?! Why don't you do anything to help him?!"

~It all returns to nothing
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.~

And to her surprise, the angel turned to her. Her eyes were finally showing emotion. Pain. Immense pain, "Don't you understand yet?" She asked gently, "I can't help him. Neither can you. The only thing we can do is watch him. The only time we can help him is if his life is in danger. And right now, it's not, so there's nothing we can do."
Nadeshiko took a step back, "You can see me then. Why weren't you saying anything before?"
Sakura shook her head sadly, "There are some things you have to realize on your own. But there are also things that I can help you with."
"What do you mean?"
"You say that you can't love. But why do you think you're so worried about you're father's well being?"
"Because.... Because he's the only one who loves me. So I don't want him to be sad. I owe him."
"That's only what you're telling yourself. If you didn't love him, you wouldn't care what happens to him. So just the fact that you don't want him to be sad proves that you love him. Even if it's just a little bit."
Nadeshiko covered her ears, "Shut up! You're wrong! I don't love him! I don't love anyone!"
Sakura bent down next to her daughter and pushed a stray strand of hair away from her face, "Why are you so afraid of the truth? Why are you afraid to realize that you do love him?"
"Because..." She choked as tears began to stream down her face, "Because if you're right, then it means that I died for nothing... The reason I killed myself is because I thought that I didn't know how to love. I had never felt any strong emotion towards anyone. Even when Grandpa died, I didn't cry. Whenever Cleo and I had a fight, I couldn't care less if we became friends again. She was always the one to step forward. I never really cared. I just pretended that I did. So if you're right, and I can feel, then I could have continued to hope, instead of just giving up!"

~In my heart of hearts
I know that I could never love again
I've lost everything, everything.
Everything that matters to me matters in this world...~

"And why did you give up?"
"Mamma, please stop this..." She begged.
"Why did you give up?!"
"Because I was afraid! I was afraid that if I continued living without loving anyone, without loving myself, then no one would love me. And don't think that I didn't try! I did! So hard! I tried with every part of myself! I tried until there was nothing left inside of me but darkness!"
To her shock, Sakura pulled her into a hug. That's when she felt something strange inside of herself. It was as if something was being pulled out of her. But it didn't hurt. The contrary, actually. It felt nice. It was like all her feelings of sadness and despair were melting away. And she finally felt feelings of love filling inside her. Love for her father, for her mother, for her friends, even for that annoying dog that lived next door. And then she saw it. A darkness, almost like a shadow, was coming out of her, and joining together to form the shape of a woman with long black hair and a black dress. She smiled.
~*So we meet again, mistress,*~ She said without moving her lips.

~I wish that I could turn back time
'Cause now the guilt is all mine
Can't live without the trust of those you love
I know we can't forget the past
You can't forget love and pride
Because of that it's killing me inside.~

Sakura pulled away from Nadeshiko to face the new woman.
"Dark. So it was you the whole time."
The woman, Dark, nodded sadly, ~*I'm afraid so. Please forgive me. You must realize that I had no choice. As you must know, when Light and I aren't in our true form of the card, we must go into someone's soul, else we'd cease to exist, and that soul had to have some magical power. Since Light had already went into Syaoran's soul, I chose to go into your daughters. And having her soul literally filled with darkness caused her to reject any feelings of love.*~
Nadeshiko blinked back her tears, "You mean..."
~*Yes. The reason it was so hard for you to love anyone, including yourself, was because of me.*~
Sakura frowned, "I understand. It must have been a hard decision for you. And if you'd cease to exist, then who knows what would have happened to Light. After all, you two are connected in some way, right?"
~*In more ways then you could ever imagine.*~

~It all returns to nothing
It just keeps tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.~

"But... now that your out of Nadeshiko's soul, where will you go?"
~*The only way I can return to my true form is by being reunited with Light, who resides within Syaoran. But...*~
A look of panic crossed Sakura's face, "'But' what?"
~*If Syaoran has both Light and Dark inside of him at the same time, it will kill him.*~
"No!" Nadeshiko shouted, running up to the card, "You won't hurt my father! Not when I finally found out that I really do love him! Isn't there another way?!"
~*Perhaps... If we could find a way to let Light know that it's time to come out... But that would be next to impossible.*~
"We still have to try!"
~*You don't seem to understand. I don't have much time. If I am not reunited with Light soon, I will cease to exist, and that will cause an imbalance. Light would be dominant in the word. There would be only good, and no evil. But that is not right. If there is no balance between good and evil-- Light and Dark-- life as we know it will shatter and be filled with chaos.*~

~It all returns to nothing
It just keeps tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.
It all returns to nothing
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down.~

"But... That's not fair. Can't you just stay in my soul? You may never get into your true form again, but at least no one will have to die."
~*I can only stay within a dead soul for a short period of time. If I had stayed with you any longer, then what I just described to you would have happened.*~
"So Syaoran has to die?" Sakura asked shakily.
~*I'm afraid so. I'm sorry. I know that an apology isn't enough, but it is all I can give.*~
And with this she turned away from the two dead angels and began to walk towards Syaoran.

~End of part 6~

(A/N: And it's about darn time I finish this part! Anyway, sorry for the cliffhanger! At least your wait was worth it! But actually, the reason it took so long is because my dad has a tendency to read over my shoulder while I write, and so as you can imagine, writing about a girl who killed herself while a parent is reading it isn't the funnest thing in the world! It took me an hour to convince my dad that it was just a fic and that I wasn't gonna kill myself. *frustrated sigh* Anyway, I hope you liked it! And also to clear something up: No, Syaoran ISN'T going to die! Trust me, two characters dying was my limit for this particular fic, and Sakura and Nadeshiko were it. So Syaoran's gonna be fine. More or less.... Anyway, please review!)

~AniDragon~