Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Ever Wonder...? ❯ Funny Take 2...ACTION! ( Chapter 2 )

DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

~ ~ Setting

* * Actions

< > Sound effects; thoughts

~CLAMP Headquarters~

touya_mou: Why do I let you drag me into this kind of mess? *Tiptoes behind bishlov*

bishlov: Sshh. The guards might hear you. *Peeks around the corner* come on. The coast is clear.

touya_mou: *stands at one side of a digitally locked titanium steel door* I really hope you know what you're doing.

bishlov: *positions at the other side; puts on glove with copied fingerprints of CLAMP executive* Of course. Have I ever led you astray?

touya_mou: *places on contact lens with copied iris patterns from another CLAMP executive* No but you almost had us killed at least three times already.

bishlov: *punches in stolen numeric code to initiate volt opening* Trust me. This is for the good of the CCS fandom. It's time to shed some light on the CCS mysteries that CLAMP left us hanging with.

<ACCESS GRANTED>

bishlov: YOSHA! *Watches volt swing open*

touya_mou: NANI?! *Walks in* there's nothing in here *looks around room with black walls, floor and ceiling*

bishlov: Bummer! Wait! There's something on the floor.

touya_mou: It looks like a folder.

bishlov: *picks folder up and reads cover* TOP SECRET. Ohohohohoho! Jackpot!

touya_mou: *sits beside bishlov* Oooh. What does it say? What does it say?

bishlov: Hmm, let's see…

EVER WONDER HOW SAKURA FOUND OUT THAT HER FATHER'S HALF CLOW REED?

Kero: Sakura, wake up! You're gonna be late for school.

Sakura: Hoe! *Runs to the bathroom*

Fujitaka: NANI! *In the bathtub*

Sakura: HOE! Gomen ne, 'tousan. I didn't know you were here.

Fujitaka: It's okay. Hey now that you're here, would you mind scrubbing my back? *Conjures his staff (like Eriol's) with scrub tied on one end and hands it to Sakura*

Sakura: HOOOEEEEE!!!

*Windows rumbling all over the house*

EVER WONDER HOW MOVIE 2 REALLY ENDED?

Syaoran: Matte, Sakura! Don't jump!

Sakura: IYA! I don't want to wait anymore. Here I come *jumps over the big gap on the spiral stairs*

Syaoran: <She's not going to make it>

Sakura: *starts to fall; reaches for Syaoran* HHEEEEEELLPP!!!!!!

Syaoran: SAKURA!

<BLAG!>

*Missing steps had reappeared*

Sakura: *face down and twitching on the cement steps*

Syaoran: ^_^0

EVER WONDER WHY SPINEL SUN ACTS LIKE HE DOES WHENEVER HE EATS SWEETS?

Kero: Two cups of flour.

Nakuru: Check.

Kero: A cup of sugar.

Nakuru: Check.

Kero: Half a dozen eggs, half a stick of butter.

Nakuru: Check, check.

Kero: Half a pint of rum.

Nakuru: Half a pint of rum?

Kero: What's wrong with that?

Nakuru: Half a pint of rum?!

Kero: Hmm, you're right. Make it two pints of rum.

Nakuru: Check!

~Later~

Nakuru: Oh, Suppi *in singsong voice*!

EVER WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF KERO AND YUKITO GOES ON A DIET?

Yukito: *looks at Kero and sees cream cheese muffin for his head*

Kero: *looks at Yukito and sees chocolate pudding for his head*

Sakura: *sweatdrops* Ne, why are you guys drooling?

Yukito & Kero: *looks at Sakura and sees Big Mac for her head* FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sakura: Hoe! *Runs for dear life*

EVER WONDER HOW SAKURA FOUND OUT THAT THE "OLD MAN" IS REALLY HER GREAT GRANDFATHER?

Old man: This dress was my granddaughter's favorite. It's such a shame to waste a pretty dress. And since you remind me so much of her I'm going to entrust it to you.

Sakura: A-arigatou. I'll take good care of it.

*Old man leaves; Sakura folds dress then notices the tag*

Tag: PROPERTY OF NADESHIKO AMAMIYA

Sakura: HOOOEEEEE!!!

*Windows break*

Touya: *sigh* you and your secrets. You shouldn't have kept her in the dark.

Fujitaka: *sigh* I know. Hey could you lend me some money to change the windows?

Touya: NANI! That's not in the list!

EVER WONDER WHAT KIND OF BOOKS SPINEL SUN READS?

Dear Diary,

My love life is such a mess. There's Kaho. I love her but I always get neck cramps whenever I'm with her. Is it true that age doesn't matter?

And then there's Tomoyo. She's perfect just as I'm perfect. We're perfect for each other. But then she's got this thing going for Sakura.

Speaking of 'thing'…I find that I think of my cute little descendant more and more these days. How his messy hair looks cool when they fall over his dreamy chocolate brown eyes. Or how my heart flutters whenever he scowls at me.

They say that there's a thin line between love and hatred. Since he hates me, could it be possible that he loves me?

Spinel: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP!!!

~At school~

Eriol: ACHOO!

Sakura: Gesundheit. *Offers tissue to Eriol*

Syaoran: *death glare on Eriol*

Eriol: *blush*

EVER WONDER WHO SYAORAN'S REAL FATHER IS?

<Pooohh…phaahh>

Syaoran: You killed my father!

Darth Vader: I am your father <pooohh…phaahh>. Join me my son. Together we could run the empire <pooohh…phaahh>

Syaoran: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Darth Vader: Aw, come on <pooohh…phaahh>. I'd give you your very own light saber <pooohh…phaahh>.

Syaoran: Get away from me, you bald anemic freak!

Princess Leia: Did you know about him, brother?

Luke Skyewalker: Nah. Tsk, tsk. Our father, the stud.

EVER WONDER WHO TOMOYO'S REAL FATHER IS?

Padme: *bawls* HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT I'M THE ONLY WOMAN YOU'VE LOVED!!!

Anakin: It's not my fault!

Syaoran: Sister!

Tomoyo: Brother!

Luke & Leia: ^_^0

Master Yoda: Reason, that is, why Jedis allowed not to love.

Anakin: Shut up, you little green man!

3-eyed aliens from Toy Story: DADDY! *Runs to Yoda*

Mr. Potato head: *sniff, sniff* I'm gonna miss those little critters.

Spiderman: Hey, can I cut in this scene too?

EVER WONDER WHY NAKURU AKIZUKI CHOSE TO BE A GIRL?

Nakuru: I want to be a girl!!!

Eriol: But why? What's wrong with being a guy?

Nakuru: Oh, please! Can you imagine a male guardian with butterfly wings? It's such a QUEER thing to do!

Eriol: *blush*

Spinel: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

EVER WONDER WHY TOMOYO LOVES MAKING OUTRAGEOUS COSTUMES FOR SAKURA AND WHAT SHE DOES WITH HER VIDEOS OF SAKURA?

Host: And our grand prize winner for the World's Most Funniest Home Video…Tomoyo Daidouji with "Gullible best friend in bunny pajamas"!!!

EVER WONDER HOW SAKURA FOUND OUT THAT TOMOYO'S HER COUSIN?

~At the old man's funeral~

Sakura: What are you doing here, Tomoyo?

Tomoyo: Saying my last farewell to my great grandfather. What about you?

Sakura: Same reason. You mean to say we're cousins?

Touya: Second cousins actually *winks at Tomoyo*

Sakura: Hoe!

~After the funeral~

Lawyer: In his last will and testament, he wants his family to have these *hands out some things from a box*

Sakura: *groans* not another one of 'kaasan's dresses.

Tomoyo: You're lucky. I got a loin clothe.

(t_m: *groans* not another loin clothe joke!)

Sonomi: Hey, what happened to all of his money?

Touya: Bwahahahaha! I'm rich! No longer am I to work such measly jobs! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

<THIS FOLDER WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS>

bish & t_m: NANI!!!

<FIVE>

t_m: You've got to be kidding me. Folders don't explode!

<FOUR>

bish: Wanna stay to find out? *Shoves folder at t_m*

<THREE>

t_m: You wish! *Shoves folder back at bish; runs to the door*

<TWO>

bish: MATTE! *Throws folder then runs after t_m*

<ONE>

*bish and t_m closes vault*

<BOOM!>

*Walls crumble leaving only the vault door standing behind bish and t_m*

bish: *big eyes* That was close!

t_m: You're going to be the death of me, I swear!

bish: Don't be a sissy! If it weren't for me you wouldn't have found out what CLAMP was hiding. Come on, let's go!

t_m: Where are we going?

bish: To Switzerland!

t_m: And may I ask why?

bish: To steal CLAMPS' safety deposit box of course!

t_m: *sputters* To steal…WHY?!

bish: So that we can find out if they're hiding more secrets.

t_m: WHAT SECRETS!?

bish: I don't know *shrugs*. But I'm sure there are other things CCS fans want to find out, ne? Ne?

t_m: *looks around* who are you talking to?

bish: Uh, the readers?

t_m: What readers?

bish: You know…those guys who were about to click that review button below *hint hint*

NOTE: This fic was done without the permission of CLAMP. I just borrowed their, uh, company for fun. Don't go on telling them about this, k?