Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ What I Didn't Know ❯ Issues ( Chapter 6 )

What I Didn't Know

Chapter 6-Issues

The next few days were relatively uneventful. I slept whenever I could so that I could keep my strength up. I spent every afternoon with Yuki, just listening to him, because I'd realized that was the only way I could help. There wasn't anything more than what I'd already done.

We were as close as ever, but something had changed. And I tried desperately not to think about it. But little things that I'd always done before took on new meaning. When I'd ruffle his hair or pinch his cheek, it didn't seem to be the same friendly, teasing gesture. It felt almost like... flirting. Which was bizarre as hell. And he'd still laugh or tease back, like always, but he'd get this funny expression on his face, and I'd do whatever I could to make the uncomfortable moment pass.

And with all that had happened, or was happening, I still never saw Yue. I guessed this was how it was going to be after all. It felt strange to be talking about him, knowing that he was listening, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Maybe he didn't like me. He certainly didn't have anything to say to me. But I could tell when he'd speak to Yuki. His eyes would unfocus, like someone who'd been staring for so long that they no longer saw anything. Then he'd blink, and that was the end of it. I didn't want to pry, so unless he offered any information, I was left in the dark.

I really didn't know what to make of any of this. And sometimes it would actually keep me awake at night, which might have been part of the reason I was still napping during the day. I was attracted to my best friend, who wasn't even human, and who had another personality that refused to be a part of my life, not that I was completely sure that I wanted him to be. Or something like that.

Oh, yeah. This was bad.

So I wasn't going to think about it. Nope. Not at all.

***

Sakura and Yuki finally made up, which relieved some of the tension we'd all been feeling. He waited for her to make the first move, and we were both a little surprised when she invited us to go to the festival at Tsukimine Shrine with her and her friends.

It was hard to believe that two summers ago I hadn't been able to go to the shrine at all without all those old memories flooding back. At that time, I hadn't been back there since that night, the one I hated thinking about. But a lot had changed since then, since the day she left town, left me. I didn't die. She came back, and I kept my cool. She left again, and the world kept spinning. Somehow, during all that time, I managed to get over it. I was able to step onto the grounds again and appreciate their beauty and serenity without feeling like I was going to be physically ill. I knew deep inside it wasn't that I'd stopped caring; I'd just learned to accept reality.

We met the kids there, and I was actually able to have a pretty good time. Except for the fact that the gaki had come along. I didn't like how close he and Sakura seemed to be. Nothing good could come of that. And why did I have to pay for all of them, anyway? I hadn't worked for almost three weeks, and my cash reserves were drying up. I didn't mind paying for Tomoyo, because I knew how much she always did for my sister. But that gaki-I didn't care how much he'd supposedly done for her. I hated spending my hard-earned money on him. But I did it because Sakura asked me to.

When she jumped up out of nowhere, scaring me half to death, I saw a look of concern cross Yuki's face. I didn't think he'd ever seen me so surprised before, because no one had ever been able to sneak up on me like that. We hadn't talked much about me lately; it had all been about him. That was how it was supposed to be. So when he started to express his guilt again, I had to stop him. I'd made my choice, and it was the right one, the only one. If one of us were hungry, the other would give up his lunch, right? This was no different. We'd always help each other any way we could. And that, I insisted, was to be the end of it. I didn't want to hear any more about it.

Because it made that empty space inside me ache.

It hadn't gone away yet. Maybe it wouldn't. I'd tried distracting myself with other things, but it was always there, making its presence known. The presence of emptiness... that was oxymoronic, wasn't it? But I could feel it. That hole was a part of me now, and it represented my need to find something... something....

We never got the juice Sakura had asked for, because the lights suddenly went out. Was it some sort of power malfunction? But she and the others were waiting for us down by the lake, and I knew that the electrical switchboard was over that way. My gut instinct told me that this wasn't a normal power outage. Something was wrong. And I couldn't even tell if she was in trouble. I looked at Yuki for some sign that he knew what was happening, but he just shook his head, so we started running.

Whatever had happened was over by the time we got there, and they all seemed fine, which was a huge relief. With the lights out, though, we thought the festival would probably be cancelled, so Sakura took off again, and a few moments later, the sky filled with little glowing orbs. One of her cards, I guessed. That was just like her to want to make sure everyone could still have fun. She didn't want the night to be spoiled, so she provided a beautiful light show for all of us.

As the green orbs gently fell around us, I looked over at the kids again, just to be sure they were all right. Sakura hadn't come back yet, but Tomoyo and the gaki seemed to be involved in some sort of important discussion. The green glow reflected in Tomoyo's eyes, changing their color subtly. At that moment, she looked so much like my mother. It was... eerie.

"Pretty, isn't she?"

I looked at Yuki, who was grinning at me. "What are you talking about?"

I couldn't fool him. He'd caught me staring at the young girl, and now he was going to tease me about it. "Tomoyo-chan is going to be quite a knockout in a few years, don't you think?"

I shrugged indifferently. She was just a kid. "I never really thought about it." If he knew why I'd been looking at her, he'd probably accuse me of having mother issues on top of my supposed sister complex. I did not have mother issues. I just... missed her. Even after all these years, that feeling could still come over me so suddenly, so overwhelmingly, and it made me regret that I didn't get to see her one last time.

Yuki went back to looking at Tomoyo, and I followed his gaze, watching as she gave the gaki one of her sweet, friendly smiles. "Yeah, she's definitely going to be a heartbreaker, all right."

I turned to him again. "Why do you care so much?" I asked, scowling a little.

He just laughed at me. "Jealous?"

Of what? Of her? Or of him? Well, that was incredibly ridiculous, wasn't it? This whole conversation was ridiculous. I deepened my scowl, which he found very funny for some reason. "Where's Sakura, by the way?" I asked, my attempt to change the subject about as subtle as a sledgehammer.

"She's over there. See?"

And, sure enough, she came running up to us. "Hey, Onii-chan," she said, a little out of breath. "We want some ice cream."

Again?

***

My birthday came and went in that way in which a day that doesn't exist will. Once again, the calendar refused to acknowledge the glorious occasion of my first appearance in this world, but we had a little party anyway, with chocolate cake and, my personal favorite part, the presents. As much as I protested any fuss my family and Yuki made, a part of me did secretly enjoy it. I mean, come on, who doesn't like getting presents? And, thus, I marked myself as nineteen, and to hell with what the calendar said.

"Just think," Sakura reminded me, "next year you'll be a big boy of five!"

It was the only way she was ever going to be older than me, and she milked it for all it was worth.

A few days later, Yuki and I were sitting in my room after school. He was stretched out on my bed, reading, while I sat on the floor and sketched. He'd given me a sketch pad and some expensive art pencils for my birthday, saying, "You never draw anymore. You used to draw all the time." He was right, and I hadn't realized how much I missed it until I had that freshly sharpened pencil in my hand and made the first scratch across the clean sheet of white paper. It was relaxing and productive at the same time. It gave me something to concentrate on while still letting my thoughts wander. I just sat there and doodled, which seemed like such a silly thing to do, much too silly for someone as serious as me. That must have been why it was so much fun.

"Look, a bunny!" I said with all the excitement of a three-year-old proudly showing off a finger-painted masterpiece.

Yuki glanced up from his book, and his hazel eyes narrowed as he studied my drawing. "That doesn't look like a bunny," he said.

"What are you, blind? It's a perfect little rabbit. See the ears?"

"Is that what those are?"

"What else would they-" I couldn't believe I fell for it. He'd been teasing, and just as if I were Sakura, I'd believed him. "Just shut up," I laughed, crumpling the sheet into a ball and throwing it at him.

I started another drawing, and he leaned over the edge of the bed to watch. "Oh, dear, that's terrible, too," he said sadly. "Maybe next year I'll sign you up for some art lessons."

"Maybe next year I'll ask for a new best friend. How would that be?" I joked.

When he didn't say anything, I wondered if I'd gone too far. "I was only kidding, you know." My explanation was greeted with continued silence. "Yuki?"

When I turned around, I saw that his eyes were closed, and he was wearing an expression I'd never seen before. "Clow," he whispered.

"Clow?"

And then I saw something I thought I'd never see again. Yuki seemed to levitate in the air as large, white wings appeared behind him. They closed around him as the magic circle appeared at his feet, and when the wings retracted, Yue was standing before me, looking like the cold, arrogant moon creature I remembered.

"Clow," he said, his quiet tone somewhere between anger and disbelief.

Apparently that was all he was going to say. He pushed my bedroom window open and was about to leave without giving me a second thought, or even a first one. "What is it?" I asked anxiously, and he actually stopped. "Is Sakura in trouble?"

His silver cat's eyes showed his annoyance at being detained. "I don't know." As if words were at a premium, he didn't say anything more. God, if this was how he was going to be, who needed him?

"Then I'm going, too," I said, before he could take off without me.

I ran downstairs and shoved my feet into my sneakers. When I went outside, he was just barely waiting for me. He was standing as still as death, but there was an impatience simmering beneath that emotionless exterior.

The last thing I remembered was running down the street with Yue by my side. Then everything went black.

***

"Touya-san?"

I groaned a little but didn't open my eyes. Hadn't we done this part already? Where the hell was I? My head was down, and I was slumped against something. I was sitting on the hard ground, and the roughness that scratched against my back must have been a tree trunk. My senses really had improved.

"Touya-san?" that soft voice said again. I finally opened my eyes with a bit of a wince at the pain in my neck and found myself sitting on the ground next to Tomoyo. "Are you all right?" she asked with a touch of concern in her violet eyes.

I rubbed the back of my head and tried to remember how in the hell I got here. "Yeah. Did I fall asleep again?"

"No." My expression clearly said that I didn't believe her. "Well, you did," she amended sheepishly, "but everyone did."

I looked around her and saw Sakura talking with Kerberos and Yue, while that gaki hung back awkwardly. I'd forgotten how intimidating Kerberos was in his true form. I'd only seen him that way once, during the judgment, and had since only dealt with him in that silly little stuffed animal's body. I made a mental note to never, ever cross him.

Ah. Now I remembered what had happened. Sort of.

Yue stood there, his arms folded and that ever-present frown on his face as he listened to whatever Sakura and the former plushie were discussing. To say that he looked displeased would be an incredible understatement. I didn't know what to call his expression. Maybe because he didn't really have an expression. It was more something about his entire demeanor. There were anger, confusion, concern, and disappointment all on display.

But I wouldn't get to talk to him, even if I'd wanted to, because after nodding at something Sakura said, his wings closed around him. And then Yuki was back, a little disoriented, but he seemed to figure everything out rather quickly.

He walked over to me and simply said, "It's over."

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