Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ What I Didn't Know ❯ Adjusting ( Chapter 2 )

What I Didn't Know

Chapter 2-Adjusting

The next morning, I still felt like hell, but I got up anyway. I refused to stay in bed any longer like some sort of invalid. Maybe during the day I could snatch a few minutes of sleep here and there, but I had to go to school. Things had to get back to normal as soon as possible.

Or, at least, as close to normal as anything would ever be again.

I'd set my alarm to wake me up half an hour early, just in case I couldn't get out of bed right away. I congratulated myself for such foresight, until I realized I should have set it an hour early. God, it surely couldn't be six o'clock already. The sun hadn't even bothered to come up yet. So why should I?

When I finally crawled out of bed and completed my bathroom routine, I had to face the insurmountable task of donning the Seijou school uniform. How the hell many pieces did that thing have, anyway? It mocked me as I stood there in my shorts, but I accepted its challenge, and each article of clothing was successfully zipped, buttoned, or tied before I had to sit down and wait for my spent energy to return.

It was going to be a long day.

Ten minutes and two extra-strength aspirin tablets later, I was able to make it downstairs for breakfast. The sweet aroma of buttery hotcakes greeted me, and I immediately knew what part of my problem was. I hadn't eaten anything in almost two days. I hadn't even felt hungry until I saw the plate waiting for me. Then I was ravenous.

"Morning, Onii-chan," Sakura said, pretending to be cheerful. She was standing at the stove, flipping the last batch of pancakes onto a plate and then carrying it to her spot at the table.

"Mmm," I replied with my mouth full. Normally I would have teased her about getting up on time, or about her cooking being inedible, but I was otherwise occupied with shoveling in enormous forkfuls of fluffy pancakes. Food had never tasted so good. Although, I'm sure anything would have tasted good. She could have deep-fried one of my sneakers, and I'd be asking for seconds. "Is there more?" All that was left on my plate was a small puddle of syrup.

She gave me a funny look before passing me her breakfast. "Are you sure you didn't actually switch personalities with Yukito-san?" she asked, quickly drinking her juice before I could steal that, too.

Switch personalities? I didn't think so. But now I understood why he was so hungry all the time. This must have been another of the temporary side effects of losing my power, like the headaches and fatigue. Speaking of fatigue, I needed coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

"Good morning, Sakura-san," my father said as he came into the kitchen. I saw a look of surprise cross his face when he noticed me. I'd told him I'd be going to school today, but he'd warned me not to push myself if I didn't feel up to it. We hadn't told him anything except that I'd been overstressed with school and work, and that the long days were starting to take their toll on me. He didn't seem to buy that, but he didn't question it. We'd tell him everything when this-whatever it was-was all over. "Morning, Touya-kun."

"Morning. Are you going to eat that?"

***

All it took was one look at my bicycle to decide that I was going to walk to school. Just the thought of having to keep my balance and stay alert, of having to push those pedals around and around, the wheels spinning in a constant, dizzying, mesmerizing rhythm.... Maybe I should have stayed in bed after all.

Sakura skated slowly in front of me, facing backwards so she could keep an eye on me. It was almost funny how overprotective she was acting. I wondered how long it would last. "If you fall and break your leg, kaijuu, don't expect me to carry you."

Her expression showed worry. "Are you feeling tired again?"

God, yes. "No, you're just as heavy as a damn elephant."

I hoped she was saving up all these insults she was suppressing, because I could tell from the momentary flash in her eyes that she had a good one. Instead she just spun around as we came upon Yuki's house. "Where's Yukito-san?"

It was unusual for him not to meet us. I had a sneaking suspicion that he was avoiding us, or, more accurately, me. "He probably had to go on ahead," I answered. "He fell a little behind in his schoolwork." Between his unscheduled naps and Yue's adventures, he hadn't had the time or energy to focus on his studies. I'd tried helping him, but he still needed to catch up in a couple of subjects.

But I honestly didn't think that was why he didn't meet us.

It was just as well. It bought me some time. I could foresee two possible scenarios, neither of which appealed to me at the moment. Either he'd want to talk about it, which I wasn't ready to do, or he wouldn't, which would create an awkward tension between us until everything was out in the open.

He'd want to know why I did it. Why I saved him by giving away such an essential part of myself. And that was something I had to figure out for myself first.

And something I was too tired to think about right now. I just wanted to make it through the day.

Despite the three servings of hotcakes, two glasses of juice, and an entire pot of coffee I had for breakfast, I still felt strangely empty. Was this how it was going to be from now on? Would I be constantly trying to find a way to fill this hole inside me? Even though it wasn't actually a physical hole, it manifested itself as a physical pain that ached as if someone had reached in and yanked out my very soul, kicked it around a bit, and then put it back in upside-down. I just felt... wrong, somehow. But it had only been two days. It would stop hurting eventually. I would heal. Until then, all I could do was go on.

Sakura still had a worried expression on her face, and she looked like she wanted to say something, but we'd reached her school. I crouched down to her level so I could look directly into her emerald eyes. I hoped mine showed clarity and strength, because I needed her to see that I was all right. "When I get home tonight, the three of us are going to have a talk, okay?"

"Three?" She pointed to me, then to herself, and then her face scrunched up as she wondered who the third was.

"Go on, now, or you're going to be late," I scolded.

I could tell she was still trying to figure it out as she caught up to Tomoyo in the schoolyard. Good. That would give her something else to think about. I smiled a little, just a little, as I continued on to my school.

Now that I'd left Sakura behind, I could briefly let my weariness show. My shoulders slumped, and my arms hung limply at my sides. I bowed my head and closed my eyes, just for a second, so I could get up the strength to walk into the building and sit down at my desk. Nothing in the world sounded more appealing than folding my arms on that hard desktop and sleeping in the most uncomfortable position imaginable. The homeroom teacher wouldn't mind. I'd be surprised if his droning monotone didn't put everyone to sleep.

So, let's get a move on, Kinomoto. One foot in front of the other. You're not moving. Do you want someone to come out here and find you like this?

"Touya-kun!"

Damn.

Akizuki always knew just how to appear out of nowhere at the worst times. As usual, she pounced on me, clinging like a barnacle. Hanging from my neck like an albatross. The way she always attacked me made it feel like she was trying to suck my aura dry. But Yue had beaten her to it.

Hmm. There was a dirty joke in there somewhere.

She let go of me suddenly and stepped back, tilting her head to the side as she considered me with a disappointed expression on her face. "What a shame," she murmured, clucking her tongue and shaking her head. There was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it glint of knowledge in her eyes before she reassumed her annoyingly perky grin. "Oh, well. I still think you're yummy," she giggled.

She knew. I always had this feeling that there was more to her than met the eye. She was like Yuki-or Yue, I guess-with that moon aura I couldn't help but notice. But instead of being drawn to it, as I unfortunately often found myself, it made me suspicious and uncomfortable. She'd obviously been trying to disguise her power, but I'd seen through her front. On some level, I had been more powerful.

Had been. Not anymore. I hadn't known why she was hiding, and now I might never know.

I started to walk past her, ignoring her as I normally would, but she skipped alongside me as we entered the building, refusing to acknowledge my lack of interest. "We need to finish our movie," she chattered, like a pesky little squirrel. "Can you come back to my house today? It's just that one scene, and we'll be through. Tsukishiro-kun already said he would come, but I can't do it without my leading man. Will you come? Please? Pretty please?"

God, she was exhausting. Even if I hadn't felt so tired already, I would have thought so. "Fine," I answered tersely, punctuating my exasperation with a weary sigh.

Satisfied with that, she finally left me alone. Maybe she wasn't entirely insensitive.

I wish we could have finished the stupid movie the other day. If I had to sit through an entire school day, and then work on the project, I'd be lucky if I didn't just collapse. Yes, a nap during homeroom was sounding better and better, and I actually quickened my pace down the hallway.

I wasn't surprised to see that Yuki had in fact gone on to school without us. He was sitting at his desk, a textbook open and a pencil in his hand, but he was staring out the window. Either he heard me or he simply sensed my presence, because he turned around before I said anything. "Good morning, To-ya," he said with a false cheerfulness, much like Sakura's had been.

"Morning. We must have missed you earlier, I guess."

He shook his head. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come here and get some work done."

His notebook was blank, and his physics text was open to a chapter we'd covered last term, but I didn't say anything about that.

"Couldn't sleep, huh? Wish I had that problem," I joked half-heartedly, sliding into my chair. The yawn that followed my statement wasn't affected for the sake of humor, and I crossed my arms on the desktop to provide a softer surface for my head to rest on. My eyes closed on their own.

"Are you okay?"

They opened again, and I saw him looking at me with that same concerned expression I was getting from everyone. Why couldn't they just treat me the same as always? "Just a little tired," I answered. I didn't need him worrying about me. He had too much going on himself.

Well, I was worried about him worrying for nothing. "Oh, okay." And he went back to staring out the window.

"What about you?" I asked.

When he turned around again, he almost looked irritated. He was never moody like this. I wondered how much was due to his lack of sleep, and how much was Yue's influence. "I'm managing."

I still didn't want to talk about it, but I couldn't be selfish like that. The world didn't revolve around me, after all. Something had skewed my perceptions, and I was taking everything personally. "Do you want to-"

"Not now," he interrupted. Whether he knew what I was going to say or not didn't seem to matter.

Sakura's words came back to me. It did seem like Yuki and I had switched personalities. Well, that wasn't exactly right. Actually, we were both acting like me. And that wasn't good, because one of me was plenty. Yuki's usual cheerfulness balanced out my seriousness. His easygoing, friendly disposition was a fitting contrast to my more reserved, antisocial demeanor. But now, we were both quiet. Withdrawn.

He had an excuse for not acting like himself. He literally wasn't himself.

And as for me, well, I was still adjusting.

But I'd have to worry about all that later, because right now I was finally able to give in and let sleep settle over me like a warm blanket.

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