Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Wish Unbroken, Dream Unspoken ❯ Chapter 8

Wish Unspoken, Dream Unbroken

Eight

Only yesterday I still thought I could carry through with the plan. Yukito stared through Yue's eyes helplessly as Touya came closer, urged by Yue's hands. He remembered saying, only a week ago, that he would do what he could to bring Touya and Yue together as a couple. He knew it would hurt, he was ready to accept that, but like this it would be impossible. He couldn't pretend it wasn't happening, or that it was happening to someone else. He would see it every day.

The way Yue must have seen how I was falling in love all this time....

Yukito shoved the thought aside, trying to focus on something, anything but the kiss that was going on with ever increasing fervor. It was a dream come true and an unimagined nightmare at the same time. He had hoped and wished for years, imagining what it would feel to have Touya kissing him like this.

I'm going to tell him how you feel, Yue thought, just before breaking off the kiss for breath. He should know how you feel, how we both feel....

NO! Yukito shouted in return. Yue couldn't hear him though.

His mouth opened to say the words--

And Yukito made a desperate attempt to change form. He had listened carefully when Yue had thought through the process, but seeing the images in the mental landscape they had shared was very different from trying it himself. First he gathered the magic necessary into himself, bringing it carefully to his core. He then let it spread through his entire body, feeding the cells with the imperative to return to his magical form. From that point the magic took over, materializing wings to hide the process from the world. Yukito again saw the magic circle with its intricate inscriptions, dominated by a star in the middle. Something about that circle resonated within every fiber of his being, telling him that this was a key to his existence. He had time to wonder if this was the symbol of Sakura's power before he found his eyes opening to the world again.

Touya stared, apprehension clear on his face. "Yuki?"

He managed a smile despite the inner turmoil. It was a weak smile though, and Touya's body language shifted in response. His stance showed a shift toward the protective side, even if the only thing he could protect Yukito from was himself. Yukito needed to pull back from the emotional intensity building again, so he poured all the effort he could into making his smile brighter. "Is that how he kissed you before? That clearly throws me out of any competition!"

Touya drew back as if stung. "It's not a competition, Yuki."

"Of course, not after that kiss!" Yukito joked. Just the attempt at humor was already making him feel like his old self again.

A dark gleam heralded a wicked thought and Touya started to smile. "Fine, maybe it is a competition. But, that means you have to try to win me also."

"I did try," Yukito murmured softly, looking away.

Touya sighed heavily and collapsed onto his bed. "If it's a competition, then why am I the only one who can't win? This isn't fair. I told you last night that I love you. Why isn't that enough?"

"It just isn't," Yuki said.

"Tell me. Why can't I love both of you? You're one in the same, so tell me how it's possible I could fall in love with one and not fall in love with the other? Then tell me why you think it's fair that I have to pick one over the other."

"But, we're not the same. We aren't!"

"How would you know?"

"That's part of the problem. I don't know. How could I?"

"Well, that's what you're going to find out."

Both boys turned to the doorway that had been closed only a moment before. Sakura stood there, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm sorry for barging in unannounced, Onii-chan," she chirped brightly.

"This means that the creep isn't going to change them back, doesn't it?" Touya growled.

She shook her head, smiling brightly.

Yukito turned to her with a cautious smile now. "What about you? Did you learn how to do the spell yourself?"

"Oh yes, I know how to do it now." She stayed where she was, still smiling, but not moving a muscle.

"Ne, Sakura-chan, when are you going to use the spell?" Yukito smiled at her, turning the full force of his charm upon her.

Charm that didn't work nearly as well since the day she confessed her love and had it turned down....

"As soon as you tell Onii-chan the truth," she replied brightly, and then skipped down the hall, singing tunelessly.

Yukito's face fell.

Touya chuckled. "Just remember, I'm the only one who is allowed to call her 'kaijuu'."

Touya walked Yue home, tired of the ever-present grin his sister had worn while they had done their chores that morning. "Who does she think she is today? Acting like that...I can't believe how smug she was all morning. It was irritating."

He half expected the usual type of reply Yukito would give, but Yue was quiet, frowning. "Maybe the cards are a bad influence," he finally said softly.

Touya instantly went from irritated to overprotective. His eyes glittered darkly as he turned on his companion with sharp concern clearly expressed on his face. "Tell me you're trying your hand at telling a joke for the first time in centuries."

Yue only shrugged. "If I were, this wouldn't be the topic I'd decide to joke about."

Touya's frown deepened. "You're saying the cards are exerting an evil influence on my little sister?" His hands balled into fists at the thought and all the implications.

"No, nothing so sinister," Yue quickly assured, giving his usual small whisper of a smile.

Touya refused to be placated so easily. "Then what did you mean, exactly?"

"She has a lot of responsibility now, a lot more than other people her age. So did Clow. Sakura reminds me of Clow sometimes lately, especially the way she was smiling today."

"How do the weight of responsibility and that aggravating smile relate?"

Again, Yue flashed that shadow smile. "It's the smile of someone who knows a lot more than they should, but has decided to be amused anyway. Clow's reincarnation seemed to be the same, the few times I saw him."

"So, the only 'bad influence' from the cards you meant was because she has so much more to take care of and worry about now?"

"Not entirely. She can do more now than nearly everyone else she knows. That includes things that others might find," he paused, frowning, "aggravating." They walked in silence for a few moments before Yue went on. "Clow had an unfortunate sense of humor, and used his magic to facilitate it at times."

"Unfortunate?"

"Practical jokes. Never anything dangerous, but he made many mortal enemies that way."

Touya had to choke back a laugh, realizing that Yue was serious about this. It was hard to picture some old sorcerer with so much power pulling jokes on others. Though, when he thought about Kero's false form he realized that the mage must have had a twisted sense of humor at best. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped at that thought. Yue shot him a bit of a glare, but Touya waved it off. "I guess the idea took me by surprise. No one has told me anything about Clow, so I've been imagining some faceless, ominous figure in robes that would never crack a smile. I never thought of the creator of the cards as, well, entirely human."

Yue looked shocked at first, then sad. He looked down at his feet as they walked, turning the last corner before his house as Yue thought. The guardian in human form looked up at Touya finally, slowing his pace the last few feet of their journey. "Oh, he was very human. Too human in some ways." He started to smile a touch as he spoke.

"Would you mind telling me about him?" Touya kept his tone neutral, ready to listen or drop the subject entirely, depending on what Yue needed.

There was silence between them as they walked up to the house. Yue was clearly deep in thought, so Touya waited, watching his companion carefully, trying to figure him out. There was so much he didn't know about the moon guardian and judgment maker, despite the pieces of the puzzle he had gathered. No one had bothered to sit down and explain anything to him though. He had gotten more of an actual explanation when he had listened to Tomoyo and Sakura explain things to their dad yesterday, but it still didn't fill in many of the holes he knew were in the story.

They reached the door and Touya made a decision. "I'll make dinner for us," he stated.

"I don't eat," Yue said automatically.

"You do now," Touya said with a smile. "Isn't having a 'normal' form all about hiding the fact that you're a magical creation? Well, now you're the 'normal' form, and you have to eat to keep up appearances."

Yue blinked in surprise. He almost forgot to take his shoes off at the door...both out of surprise and because he simply wasn't used to wearing shoes at all. Touya gently reminded him with a kind smile, then headed to the kitchen without another word. He had already started cooking by the time Yue wandered into the kitchen, a thoughtful frown on his face.

"He was in all ways my father," Yue began softly.

Touya blinked in confusion. "What?"

"You asked me about Clow."

"So I did," Touya nodded, smiling reassuringly. "You don't mind if I cook while you talk?"

Yue simply shrugged and leaned against the counter, watching. "I was going to say that Clow was like a father to me, but he was my creator. He was my father. Actually, for most of my existence he was my entire world." He paused for a time before continuing. "He smiled a lot, despite everything we went through. He was soft spoken and kind, but stubborn in his own way. Well, Keroberus called him stubborn. I always thought of him as determined. I already told you about his sense of humor, but he also had a sense of responsibility. He was worried about the cards falling into the wrong hands, so he instilled in me a sense of purpose. Between me and Kero, we were to make sure that the cards had a master both powerful enough to control us and...and...." He broke off for a moment, at a loss for words, and Touya though that he seemed endearingly like Yukito when he hesitated like that. He was acting more and more like Yukito as the day wore on and he grew accustomed to living in this form. Yue smiled when he found the words he wanted. "Pure enough in heart. Yes. Someone who would not abuse the power they would be gaining."

As Yue spoke, peace seemed to fall upon him. Touya could see the pleasant memories transform the cold and lonely guardian. The expression on his face was still far from typical for this form, still more guarded and not nearly as open as Yukito was, but it was a genuine expression. It did them both justice. Entranced, Touya watched the subtle play of a rainbow of emotion cross that familiar face, decoding a new set of expressions. He was so much like Yukito, but so different as well....

"Touya?"

"What?" he asked, still zoning out a bit.

"You're staring, and you stopped cooking."

"Hmmm, sorry. Just thinking." He smiled, returning to stirring the food on the stove. No harm was done; it had been merely a momentary lapse. "It's nice to see you smiling more."

Yue frowned. "Have I been? Or are you just able to see it now? I'm not really sure myself, but it does feel good to be like this. No magic. No responsibility. You don't know how long I envied--"

He broke off, looking stunned.

Touya took the inadvertently revealed information and began to fit that puzzle piece into the big picture. A few more things fell into place. He didn't say a word, he didn't even change his expression, but he finished fixing their meal with a bit more ease to his movements. Putting things together was something Touya enjoyed doing, and his best friend--in all his aspects--gave him no end of enigmatic information to puzzle through.

He envied me? Yukito was shocked by that revelation. It was something he had never imagined.

Yet, the thoughts were still clear to him as the two sat down for dinner. Despite Yue's outward hesitation over eating, he enjoyed the experience and relived his desire to indulge as Yukito had. It hadn't been justifiable in his original form, but now it was expected and gave him the excuse to enjoy the sensation of taste.

My hunger was a manifestation of his suppressed desire for food. All this time I ate three times more than everyone else--or more--because he wanted to but couldn't admit it.

Inwardly, Yukito frowned. Yue was becoming happier with the situation, but Yukito couldn't adjust to it. He felt nervous. He felt withdrawn. He felt isolated because he was only observing things and not interacting. Earlier he had realized that staying in the magical form was tiring, so he couldn't stay in control like he was used to. Sakura had gently pointed out that missing so much time would be disconcerting to Yue--which Yukito understood all too well. He didn't realize just how considerate Yue had been before.

His head was spinning. This was just completely out of his realm of experience and beyond his ability to cope. His life had been falling apart at the seams before this, but now it was rapidly unraveling while all he could do was watch. He felt completely out of control.

As soon as you tell Onii-chan the truth, Sakura had said. It sounded so simple when she said it, but nothing was harder for him to do. What truth was he supposed to be telling?

How could he admit a truth to Touya that he couldn't admit to himself? A part of himself knew fully well that the truth Sakura wanted him to admit wasn't something so simple as admitting his true feelings for her brother. Not by a long shot.