Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Clouds in My Coffee ❯ Make sure that coffee's black ( Chapter 5 )

Discaimer: I. Don't. Own. Cowboy. Bebop. Got it? Gooood…

 

AN: This chappie took some thought. I've been trying to explain the Faye/Spike relationship in a non romantic tone…but with a sense of friendship and love in it. Cause Faye did love Spike, just not the way she thought she had. Oh, well, hopefully it'll make sense… oh, and Faye's doing most of the talking.

 

Now presenting…Clouds in My Coffee chapter 5

 

Chapter 5: Make sure that coffee's black…

 

“When I woke up out of cryo-sleep those years ago, I couldn't remember anything. Nothing. Not about myself, my family, where I came from. The doctor told me my name was Faye Valentine and that was all the information he had on me. So, I sat in the hospital bed feeling alone and scared and not sure of what I was gonna do.

 

Till I met this guy. He was handsome, charming, sweet. He took me under his wing and showed me the ropes, helped me get used to this new world I was thrown into. For a few lovely weeks, I spent almost all my time with him, and he never once acted without chivalry and kindness. I felt comfortable around him, like I could trust him with my everything, and in my naivety, I did. I didn't expect to be betrayed. I didn't know that men could take advantage of you like that. He never once put his hands on me or touched me in an inappropriate way, but when he did what he did, it was just as good as violating me, raping me.”

 

Faye paused for a moment, the memory filtering through her mind, stirring up feelings of betrayal and a sense of self-disgust for being so stupid that she thought she had gotten rid of. All that time he was scheming on me…

 

“Witney,” Jet said suddenly, spitting the name out as if he couldn't stand the man himself. Faye nodded and sighed. “Yes, Witney. Witney Hagas Matsumoto. The bane of my existence. He…conned me, hurt me, destroyed my innocence and naivety, and in the process, dumped all his debts on me, sweet little Faye who couldn't do anything for herself. I found out what he did and it changed me. Probably not for the better either. Sure, I was more cautious now, but…I wasn't the same person I'd been before the accident. Of course, back then, I didn't know who I was, so I created a brand new persona. Faye Valentine. Gambler, con artist, cheater, poker player, casino hopping, cigarette smoking, boozing, hard edge woman. I wasn't about to take any bull from anybody else again. And so I shed my former self in exchange for that woman and I thought that if I used what I had to get what I wanted, if I cheated people the way I'd been cheated, I could actually get by in this new world. Trouble is, it never really worked.”

 

“For awhile I enjoyed my new self. I was self sufficient, independent, brassy, sexy…everything that the newly awakened Faye hadn't been. I didn't trust people; I conned them, schemed them, scammed them, robbed and flirted and did just about anything I could to get money. Money was all that was important then. I didn't need anybody, just a few hundred woolongs, my Glock, and my Redtail, and I was okay. At least I thought I was. By three years time, pick pocketing and racketeering really wasn't paying off that well. Then I met Gordon on one of my trips to the casino and after a scrawl with some drunks at the bar he gave me proposition: get a chip for him and all my debts would be paid off. Sounded good to me, yet all the time he was talking I was thinking up ways to con him off. Shows you how far I'd gone, huh?”

 

Jet nodded, sitting up in the bed and intently listening to her story.

 

“So anyway,” she continued, “I had a job, the info, the profile-even though it was a bit sketchy to say the least. I set up by the poker table, dealing and waiting on Mr. Poker Chip, when I meet this guy…” she laughed slightly at the memory and let out an uneasy breath. “He was tall, lanky, with wild and poofy dark green hair, recklessly handsome, with eyes that captured you and a smile that would melt even the heart of even the most callous woman. He sat there at the poker table for a little while, grinning and annoying me and giving me the jitters all at the same time. And it didn't help that he knew I was cheating the people at the table. For a minute I forgot about getting that chip…until I starred at him long enough to think he was the guy on the profile.

 

Jet snorted and almost laughed. “Really? What kind of profile did you have anyways? A crayon sketch?!” Faye rolled her eyes. “No, it was a video sketch…but it was really fuzzy and from what I had he looked like him, okay?” Jet just waved his hand and said, “Continue.”

 

“So, I took off after him through the casino and demanded the chip from him when I finally caught up to him…and he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I get all hot, cause I think hotshot here's trying to josh me or something and he just grins…grins like there's nothing going on and it annoys the seven seas out of me. So I try to force it and he runs and I take off and…well, the rest is history.” Faye glanced over at Jet to find him staring at her with a wistful look on his face as if he was reliving that night in his head. That was the night she met he and Spike, and the night all their lives changed forever. “You ever wonder if it was fate that caused that to happen?” he asked suddenly. She opened her mouth to speak and shut it again, not entirely sure how to answer him.

 

“Maybe…I dunno…could've been fate or destiny or something like that. Could've been anything…”

 

“Anything other than a coincidence,” he finished quietly and shifted his gaze away from her to his feet. There was silence for a few minutes and then…

 

“Did you love him?”

 

Faye cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows raised in thought, and bit her bottom lip. “Yeah…” She watched for his reaction, and, seeing the look on his face, shook her head. “Before you start jumping to conclusions, let me explain.” Jet couldn't help the involuntary wave of jealousy that passed over him…or the chill the coursed through his heart. “Please do,” he murmured quietly, and Faye began.

 

“I loved Spike. I still love him and will always love him…just not in the way you think. It wasn't passionate and romantic, nothing like what he felt for Julia. When I met him, I found him intriguing and interesting. And annoying, and irritating, and crazy. But I couldn't help but like him. He had this…carefree, throw-caution-to-the-wind, don't-give-two-cents sort of attitude about him that just attracted me. I guess all girls like the bad boys. And Spike…he was a bad boy, but a good one too. When he rescued me from Vicious that time, I sort of became…infatuatied, I guess with him. Back then, I wouldn't have admitted that I even liked him, but I think he knew. I think he knew all along that I had a crush on him. And you know what Jet? After awhile, I pretty much convinced myself that it love, that I'd fallen in love with him.”

 

She fell silent again, and played with her fingers nervously. When she finally spoke again, her voice was cracking, strained at the edges.

 

“I hated Julia,” she breathed suddenly. “I hated her, but I wanted to meet her. Just once. That way, I could've told Spike how wrong she was for him, how she really didn't deserve him, that I did. I wanted him to see me the way he saw her…I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him. But…when I actually met Julia, it was another story, entirely. Of course, at first, I didn't know that she was her. I just knew that some guys were after this pretty lady and I decided to help out. We talked, drove around a bit. I found myself liking her in just a few hours. And then she told me to tell Spike to meet her. I didn't know what she was talking about at first…until I flew back to the ship and thought about it. Julia. It had to be only Julia. I was supposed to hate her, right? I was supposed to love Spike, right? I had finally met her and you know what? I couldn't even hate her. I liked her. And I wanted her to be with him because I realized she was the only one he'd ever want.”

 

“When he came back, he had this look in his eyes…he said she was dead and my heart sank. I knew right then that he was going to do something stupid. To try and take down a whole syndicate by your self is just…dumb, and I knew that with her gone, he wouldn't give two cents about what happened to him. Even though I wasn't in love with him, even though somehow I'd realized that, I know that I did love him. He was family to me, as messed up as it was, but family and when he left…I tried talking him out of, I tried telling him not to go, but it was useless.”

 

She drew in a sharp breathe and shook a little. Jet started and upon inspection, realized that this time, she was really crying.

 

“He left,” she continued as the first of her tears streaked down her cheeks, “and he took part of me with him. I wanted him to come back, but I knew he never would. And when you brought his body back…” She choked up again and Jet sat up and took her into his arms. It didn't matter what had happened earlier; if there was anything he hated it was to see Faye crying and he would do whatever to make it stop…though he knew that what she probably needed right now couldn't be done. He couldn't make Spike come back. “When you brought him back, that made everything so real. When we stood there at the funeral, it was so real. I wanted it all to be a bad dream, but it wasn't.” She shook her head slowly, rubbing her eyes furiously as if she could make the tears stop but she couldn't. “And to add on to that, I got my memories back. At first, it was nothing really. Just a numb feeling, because I knew that that life was gone. But after Spike died, it suddenly struck me just how much I'd lost. I had a family, I had friends, I had a life that I could never get back, and the memory of that and the memories of them and all the emotions and affections and love I'd had came rushing back to me at once. It crushed me, Jet, it really hit me hard. I was all alone, I was all by myself, and everyone that I'd ever loved was dead…”

 

She sobbed in his shoulder, shaking violently, her wails echoing through the room. It had been a while since she'd broken down like this and it scared Jet some. He was afraid she'd slip back into the dark hole that she'd worked so hard to get out of. Jet wasn't exactly religious but he prayed that she would never have to go through anything like that ever again. He didn't say anything, scared he would make it worse by commenting so he stayed silent and held her as she cried.

 

It was a few minutes later before she was quiet again. She lay still in his arms, sniffing every now and then and just staring out at the walls. He watched her face and wondered if she was alright now; either she was okay or had withdrawn inside herself again. He touched her hair, her cheek, and her lips gently and gripped her tighter to him. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, and was relived when she nodded. Faye turned her head up at him and smiled weakly. “I'm alright,” she replied. “I…just relived all that when I told you about it. It sort of got to me.” Jet nodded and sighed. “I hope so. I hope you're okay cause I don't think I can handle you breaking down again.” “I wasn't,” she assured him, “I just needed a good cry. I've learned it's better not to hold stuff like that in. Last time that happened, it almost did me in. If you hadn't come to me when you did…I know I would've killed myself…” Jet nuzzled his chin in her hair closed his eyes. “I'm glad you didn't.”

 

Faye then sat back and looked at Jet curiously for a few moments, studying his eyes and face. “Jet, I still have some things to explain.” He nodded and loosened his hold on her, his hands resting lightly on her forearms. “I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier. It wasn't so much from the kiss as it was what you said. I want you to tell me something before I go on though. Did you mean what you said?”

 

“What do you mean?” he asked.

 

“I mean, did you really…did you mean it when…are you truthfully…oh, God…Jet, do you really love me? Is it the way I meant it or is it different?”

 

Jet opened his mouth but couldn't really figure out how to explain what he meant. “Faye, I”- “And don't beat around the bush with it, either,” she said sternly. “I wanna know the truth.” He stared into her eyes, the brilliant green glowing with a fire behind them, her gaze concentrated deeply on him. He was quiet for a few more moments, just staring at her and she began fidgeting, biting her lip and wiggling her foot. “Jet…”

 

“Yes, I meant it.”

 

Faye looked at her lap then and shook her head. “You have to do better than that. I need to know for sure. Please, Jet. Please…” Jet frowned, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “What do you want me to do, just come right out and say it?” he growled. “Yes!” she exclaimed, and glared at him so hard she could've burned a hole in his skull. “Well then!”

 

Jet took hold of her shoulders firmly and held her gaze.

 

“I love you! I. love. you. Do you need me to spell it out? Do you need me to tell you how much you mean to me? Cause I will! I will! You know what, Faye? You mean the world to me. Everything. And I love you. A lot. Very much. Probably too much. I really couldn't tell you how much you mean to me! And I wouldn't think twice about giving my life for yours; I'd do anything you wanted me to! I'd rob a bank if you wanted me too! Know why?”

 

“Why?” she asked in a whisper.

 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT'S WHY!”

 

By the time he was finished, Faye was looking at him with a strange, sad look on her face. Jet frowned. “What?” she shook her head and put her hand on his cybernetic one. “Is that why you asked me to marry you, then? Not just because you felt sorry for me, but because you love me?” He nodded. “Yeah. Why?” “I guess it was unfair of me to marry you like that when you feel so strongly about me…and I don't exactly feel the same way…” Jet felt his heart sink a little lower than it already had. Why should it even bother me? Didn't I already know that? “I mean, I do love you,” she continued, “ but not the way you love me…if you're really telling the truth, that is.”

 

“I wouldn't lie about something like that,” he murmured grouchily.

 

“I didn't think so,” she responded quietly.

 

He turned his head away from hers and stared at the walls as a million and one thoughts swarmed around in his head and his heart beat painfully. Faye sighed and touched his cheek softly, but he swatted her hand away. “Don't”, he said. “You'll make it worse.”

 

“Oh, shut up!” she exclaimed angrily. He snapped his head around to stare at her, confused and a bit scared. “What?” he asked. “I said I wasn't in love with you. I never once said that I couldn't fall in love with you! Geez, you act like it's the end of the world or something.” Instead of firing back, Jet took her face in his hands and pulled her close to him. He pressed his forehead to hers, dizzy from the rollercoaster of emotions he'd just been through in the last twenty minutes. “Could you?” he asked. “Could you fall for me?” Faye, open mouthed and a little dazed herself, smiled softly and nodded a little. “Maybe…if you tried, I think I could.” Jet smiled then and pulled her face a little closer, his lips just barely touching hers. Her eyes sank shut, and just before he pulled her into another deep, soft kiss he whispered, “Then I'll make you fall for me, Faye. I promise…”

 

 

 

 

 

AWWWWW!!! That was soooo sweet! Can't wait to see what's in store for next chapter? Well, it may be a little while longer than this, but don't worry, not more than a week. I have tests and Graduation stuff right now, but next week is spring break, so I'll have time off to write. Gimme some suggestions about the next chappie, and I'll be sure to take into consideration you ideas. If I use them, I'll put your name in the chapter.