Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Clouds in My Coffee ❯ Wait, make that two sugars... ( Chapter 4 )

The orangey-pink sky of a Martian summer evening glowed above Jet and Faye as they walked back to the Bebop. The street dance had been fun; someone had even requested “My Humps” and both of them sang along, laughing so hard they cried. Faye held his hand as she walked to the dock, still singing the song and laughing as she went along. At first glance, she looked drunk, and in a way, she probably was. Jet knew he was drunk on something; he hadn't laughed that much in a long, long time. Suddenly, Faye stopped as they neared the ship and stared up at the sky, a soft smile spread on her face. “Isn't the sunset beautiful?” she said almost in a whisper and reached out for Jet's hand. As he took it, he glanced up at the sky and realized just how right she was. Martian sunsets were always beautiful, but tonight this one was even more so because she was standing next to him. “Only to be outshone by you,” he said without thinking, so he wasn't prepared for the look on her face when she turned around to look at him. She was crying, but Jet knew that it wasn't from pain or sadness. It shocked him to think that what he said had such an effect on someone who'd been told things like that probably her whole life. Does what I say mean that much to you, love? She bit her lip as the tears streamed down her cheek and touched his face. “Thank you so much…” she breathed and wrapped her arms around his neck. And then his arms were around her small waist and his lips were a hairs' length away from hers and then…they kissed.

 

This kiss was nothing like the one at the courthouse. That one had been rushed and brief; this kiss was deeper and richer and slower. Her lips were every bit as soft as he'd always imagined them, but the impact of the embrace was much more intense than anything he could've ever dreamed of. In one kiss, in a few long, sweet moments, he poured his heart out for her to have, not even stopping to think that maybe she was imagining he was someone else or that she was only doing it because she pitied him. From where he was standing, it sure didn't seem that way. Once again, the rational and optimistic sides of Jet succeeded in smothering out anything the negative side had to say, and not one depressing thought passed through his mind then. In fact, not much passed through his mind; he was too wrapped in how delicious he felt to think.

It was over so soon, too soon…

 

She didn't open her eyes afterward, just lowered her head and buried her face in the patch of bare skin between his throat and chest exposed from the top three buttons of his shirt being open. Her breathing was shallow and rushed, skin flushed, hands shaking and pulse racing. He, on the other, felt placid and dreamy, standing in the hot Martian air with her in his arms. Somewhere, distant music played, the words lost on his ears but the melody ringing through the haze of his mind. He unconsciously began to move to the slow, sweltering beat and she moved with him, never once opening her eyes, just moving in tune with the song and the strength of emotions surging through her at the moment. She was swaying with him silently, slowly, steadily and his arms were locked around her possessively, as if he were afraid she would disappear. The world couldn't have been more perfect for Jet…and as things usually go, it only took one stone to break the glass, to ruin the mood. Without thinking about it, before he had time to stop himself, before his mind could prevent his heart from crying out, he said it; three little words that could either make or break everything. One minute she was intoxicated in the feeling that his kiss gave her and was trying to calm her erratic heart palpitations and the next she had gone stock still, a cold shiver running down her spine and the world around her completely tilted off kilter.

 

“I love you…”

 

And the very instant he said those words he wished he could take them back. He'd said them too soon; too quickly…the mood had been just right; maybe if he'd waited a few more minutes. What's a few more minutes? Then everything wouldn't be so awkward. The sudden tension was so thick he felt he would choke on it. Faye broke free from his embrace slowly and daringly shifted her eyes to meet his. There was a storm raging behind those eyes, something almost kin to fear leaking out from the corners and she hurriedly wiped the tears from them before they had a chance to race down her cheeks. Her mouth, softly agape and set in a semi pout, moved slowly to speak but she could barely get the words out. “Do you mean it?” It was more of a request than a question or simple query; her voice was quiet and uncertain, and her face held an unbelieving gaze as she stared at him. Jet swallowed, his body rigidly allowing his neck to move up and down, hesitantly at first and then more freely as his mind finally settled enough to respond. “Yes,” was all he murmured, and he held her eyes, searching them to see her reaction. Faye was quiet still; the silence ate away at Jet's psyche, as he wanted to know what she was thinking, but she stayed mum. Instead, she flashed him a plastic smile and turned abruptly toward the ship, marching resolutely down the pier and yelling over her shoulder, “I guess I'll go take a shower now. See ya inside!” Jet, confused by her solemn behavior and sudden façade of cheeriness, stood standing still in the exact spot she left him for a few more long minutes, staring out at nothing but thinking of everything. What does she think of me now?

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000

Jet stared at the ceiling of his room dejectedly and sighed for the millionth time in twenty minutes. He could hear the water from the bathroom running at full speed still, signaling that Faye was currently still showering. It couldn't take that long to bathe, could it? Of course not. She just doesn't want to talk to you or see you. She's finally realized that you're not him. She can't pretend any longer. As terrible as he felt at the moment, he really didn't even feel like trying to block Pessimistic Jet from nagging at his frayed nerves. Yet, the more he listened, the more Optimistic Jet, as small as his voice was now, kept pushing that he was wrong. That maybe she reacted the way she had out of shock. Maybe she does lo-but he couldn't go through with the thought because it seemed so preposterous and silly. As if she could ever love me…Logical Jet didn't even have a say in any of this. He turned on his side and stared at the red digital numerals of his clock until his eyes were blurry and then reached out to turn on the radio. Music probably wouldn't do to help his mood right now, but it was a lot better than the aching silence. He didn't like the song the moment he turned it on but was too lazy to turn it off so he lay and half listened, half mused. You give me just a taste so I want more… and Jet snorted at the absurdity of how pathetic he felt. But it was true, unfortunately. Part of him wanted her to come rushing out the bathroom and into the room, crying and wailing and declaring her long suppressed feelings for him; another part of him wanted to hide away from her, knowing that if he ever saw her again, he'd never be able to see her the same way. It didn't matter that she was his wife; the kiss had done all the work of transforming Faye in his mind and her reaction to his confession made his head hurt. It was like she was teasing him…but was scared of him. And Jet didn't think he'd ever been that confused before. Cause I've never known a girl like you before…

Suddenly the water turned off and Jet tensed as if he was expecting something. He settled back down into his bed soon after, realizing that she probably wasn't going to ever talk to him again. He sighed again, pinched the bridge of his nose to stave an oncoming headache, and glanced down absently at his bare feet. The foot of his bed was only a few inches away and he pointed his toes forward to try and touch it. Then, something semi shiny caught his eye in the dull lamplight; Faye's typewriter sat in a chair near the closet with a piece of paper sticking out of it and a bottle of water beside it. He wondered if she'd come back to his room, if only for the typewriter, then turn and leave in a hasty rush to get away from him. Either that or she'd simply ignore what had happened and act as though nothing had occurred. Whatever she did, Jet knew things would never be the same between them again. He averted his gaze from the typewriter and focused on his feet again, trying to get his mind off Faye for at least a minute or two, but to no avail. Everything about this room seemed to scream Faye. She'd put her stamp invisibly on everything there during her late night writing sessions, and no matter where he looked or focused on, it all came back to her. She says I need to take better care of my feet… He turned his attention to his cybernetic arm. Faye's been bugging me about this thing for ages… and even when he turned back on his back and stared at the ceiling again she invaded his thoughts. Faye told me she'd love to have a chandelier coming from the ceiling, as ridiculous as it would look in the ship…and he sighed again for the millionth and third time, laying his hand on his eyes and vaguely listening to the music on the radio.

A few more torturous minutes later and the door opened slightly, a small sliver of dusky light peeking in through the crack. Then, it closed softly and he could hear light footsteps approaching the bed before they stopped…and were still. He knew it was her without opening his eyes, but why she'd stopped was beyond him and his curiosity got the best of him. He peeked through one eye to find her staring down at him like he was a piece of meat at the grocery store…like she was searching him for something but couldn't figure it out yet. In the dimness of the light, he really couldn't tell what her face looked like or what her eyes were saying but he knew that the silence and her scrutiny of him were unsettling. Creepy, really. “You're not asleep,” she said suddenly, her voice dry and void of any underlining emotion other than a faint feeling of expectancy, as if she hadn't expected him to be asleep anyway. “Hmm…” was all the acknowledgement he gave her and turned his head to the side, away from her. Faye shrugged as if nothing unusual had ever happened between them and sat beside him cross legged in the middle of the bed. Her hands rested lightly beside her on the bed, the left one between her pajama-clad leg and his and in the dim light the largest diamond of her wedding band sparkled brilliantly. She was quiet for a few moments, staring at the back of his head and trying to figure out just how she was going to get the conversation started. She had to talk to him, had to, because if anything, Jet deserved an explanation of her reaction. Maybe it wasn't fair how she had reacted, but there certainly was a reason and she was going to give it to whether he wanted to hear or not.

Faye poked Jet on his back to get his attention and he turned over slightly. “Hey, Jet?” “What?” he asked tiredly. “Is it okay if I ask you something?” she asked quietly, fiddling around with a loose thread on her tank top. Jet grunted in acknowledgement and kept his eyes covered while unsuccessfully trying to ignore the way his heart thudded painfully with her nearby. “Well,” she began slowly, “I…I just wanted to know…What do you think went on between Spike and me?”

“What?! Why in the world did you ask me that?!”

Faye shrugged and blushed a little. “I don't know, really…I just wanna know.” Jet didn't say anything for a while, shocked that she'd even asked such a question. He kept his eyes covered before answering her so she couldn't see the look in his eyes when he replied. “Honestly…I think you guys had a fling going on,” he said matter-of-factly and ignored her soft gasp. “I think you love him and he…took advantage of that for his own purposes. Maybe he was trying to forget Julia, but when he realized it wouldn't work out, he tried stopping. He couldn't just drop you like that though so he just kept on letting it happen. And then he found her-well, you found her-and he lost her again…and he left that night because he didn't think he had anything else to live for.” He paused for a moment then continued when she didn't say anything. “Even though he had me and you-especially you because you loved him-he left. You loved him, and you still do. Am I right?” Then he uncovered his face to see what she would say. Jet expected her to nod and say yes because he was usually right about stuff like that; or she would wail and cry about how much she missed him and how he'd be the only man she'd ever love. But he didn't expect the effect of his assumption; her head was hung low, her body slouched and trembling slightly, and small choking sounds came from her throat. She seemed to be sobbing from what he could tell, but upon closer inspection, he realized that she was…laughing? What in the world?

“Faye? Faye! What's so funny?”

“You!” she choked out and bit her lip to stop from laughing. “Do you realize how silly you sound?” “Silly?” Jet asked confused. Wasn't what he said right? Hadn't Faye and Spike had something? “Yes, silly.” She watched his face change from worried to embarrassed to sulking in less than a few moments. “Oh well, excuse me for giving my opinion on the matter.” He turned his head away from her again and placed his hand back over his eyes, and waved his hand toward her. “Go ahead,” he said irritably, “go back to doing whatever you were doing before you came in here. While you're at it, you can shut the door behind you.” Normally, Faye would've been angry and sad that he was acting that way, but she just shook it off. Rolling her eyes she shook her head and crossed her arms. “Nope. I'm not going anywhere. I wanted to talk to you and that's what I'm gonna do. Plus,” she added, “we've got things to sort out.” Her voice was more somber than before and she was quiet again soon after for a little while trying to sort her thoughts out.

“So, you actually thought that Spike and me slept together? All this time, you thought we had an affair going on behind your back?” When he didn't respond, she took that as a yes and sighed. “I don't see how you could've figured that. I mean, we never even…well, okay so we did flirt a little”-he snorted-“a lot, but that was just friendly flirting, ya know?” “No, I don't,” he replied tartly. “Unlike you beautiful people, I don't have the luxury of just flirting for the fun of it.” Faye titled her head to the side and touched his arm softly. He wanted to be really angry at her, to wrench away from her grasp, but he couldn't help liking her touch. “No, I guess not,” she said slowly. “You're a much more serious person. And that's why I wanted to ask you…about the kiss earlier.” Jet turned over and looked into her eyes and though he couldn't really see what was going on in them, he could tell from her voice that the kiss had affected her as drastically as it had him. Perhaps she had reacted from shock after all…but first, he had to know what she felt towards Spike. That thought was and had been the most nagging thought going on in his head for the past two and half years, and tonight, he wanted to get it resolved, even if it came to her still loving Spike…and never loving him.

“We…can talk about that…and other things that preceded that, but I want to know about you and Spike first.” Faye figured he'd say that; she knew Jet was curious, even a tad bit jealous of the relationship she had with Spike when he was still alive but apparently it had grown deeper. That didn't make one lick of sense to her, though; it wasn't like Spike was there anymore, was it? Didn't he realize he was the only one she ever wanted to be around?

Sitting forward a bit, she propped her hand on her cheek and her elbow on her bent knee, thinking of how to explain what she felt toward Spike. “Well, okay, I'll tell you whatever, but it may not make sense…and it's gonna take a while.”