Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Return to Life ❯ Return to Life: Confessions ( Chapter 3 )

I dig a cigarette out of my pocket, fairly sure It's smoke able. Now, where was that damn a flame hovers inches from my face.

I lean forward, lighting the tip. "Spike…" Faye calls softly. I look over at her, raising a brow as I wonder what she wants. "Yeah?"
Jet now sits opposite of Faye, head back, and eyes closed. I ponder whether or not he lost any sleep after I left. Would he even allow himself to cry?
"What happened?" A simple question deserves a simple answer. But in this case, it was different. "Why do you want to know?" I inquire nonchalantly, taking a seat next to her.
Faye's eyes narrow in annoyance, or anger. Frankly, I didn't give a damn anymore. Faye loves being the drama queen. I suppose It's a part of the mask she wears everyday. "Don't you think your comrades deserve to know?"
I pause, briefly considering whether or not to answer. But my conscience gets the better of me. "Which version do you want? The cliff-notes version or the novel?"
Faye smiles, a rarity in itself since she's walked through the door.
"The cliff-notes version. We still have a bounty to catch," Jet answers quietly.
I stare at him, wanting to ask many questions, yet fearing the answers.
"Good, I'm not the novel-type anyway. I had finally woken up; Julia's death confirmed this. When she took her last breath, the dream ended. I decided to end it all, my past, my future. Who the hell cared anymore? I went to syndicate headquarters, kicked ass and killed Vicious. I thought that would be the end. But it wasn't. I passed out at the feet of the remaining syndicate members, fairly certain they'd kill me.
They didn't. Since both the elders and Vicious had been destroyed, there was no one left to order them around. The details are kind of blurry, but I remember someone taking me to the hospital. I recovered, slowly but surely. Then, one day, I received a letter. It was from Julia's attorney, claiming shed left something to me. After getting out of the hospital, I inquired about it. Turns out, the woman had money stashed away. Lots of it. By the way…"
I throw an envelope into Faye's lap, startling her. She picks it up carefully as if there was a bomb inside. "That's for you."
"When I had finally delayed long enough, I decided to come here. After all, I really have nowhere else to go. Home comes in the form of a tattered ship, a smart-ass old guy, a gambling addicted woman, a crazy hacker and a smelly dog-"
Faye's eyes widen, disbelief written all over her face as she counts the woolongs in her hand. I smile, leaning back against the couch, and continue my tale.
"The world is a crazy place, and I'm one of its mental patients."
Jet leans forward, trying to get a peek at the money in Faye's hands. "What was the last thing I said?" I ask quietly, eyeing my two hypnotized comrades.
"World is crazy, crazy, crazy! We all mental mental mental patients!!" Ed yells, running around like the insane girl she is. Ein jumps at her feet, barking all the while. Good thing to know they've been listening. Sometimes I feel so under appreciated.
"S-Spike, this is…"
"Five hundred million woolongs, more than enough to pay off Faye's debt. Not to mention, getting some real food here on the Bebop."


Jet laughs, grabbing the extra woolongs off of Faye's lap before she can get her grubby paws on it.
"Spike, I gotta say. It is good to have you back, though it's probably just the money talking."
I shrug, lying back on the couch casually. "It helps. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to take a nap." Laughter. "Whatever you want, pal."

I hate dreams. I can't understand why we push things into the back of our minds, only to be haunted by them later in our dreams. Where we are helpless to do anything but watch. Tell me that makes sense. I try to escape them, but I have never succeeded. The ghost that decided to visit me now? The Angelic Devil, Julia.
I'm there again, running across the rooftop, offering death to anyone who dare show their face. I didn't start this fight, they did. Now, I'm going to end it. For good.
Julia suddenly disappears, ducking just in time to avoid the bullets as they bite dust near her. I see the sniper out of the corner of my eye, but am helpless to do anything but try and reach her in time. Dear God, please don't do this. Not Julia. Anyone else but Julia. He doesn't give a damn.
I take down the gunman, but am too late. Julia is already wounded. Oh, Kami, no...I run towards her. It seems as if years pass, as she falls to the ground slowly. A moment later, I'm there, holding her in my arms. She stares at me, hand struggling to caress my cheek. "This," She whispers softly. "This is all a dream."
Suddenly, I can't feel anything. Not one damn emotion. I feel cold inside. "Yeah, a bad dream..." I mutter softly, already seeing her eyes start to close. I want to cry, but I can't. I want to hug her close, but I can't move my arms. I want to do so many things.
I can see the light fade from her eyes, and seconds later, she is dead. Was she ever really alive at all? The death of an angel.
The dream goes on, and suddenly Julia opens her eyes, brow narrowed in rage. Her bloody hands grab my throat, and squeeze. Not only can I not feel nothing, I can't breathe. "Julia…" I try to say, but those demonic hands squeeze tighter and tighter.

"JULIA!!!" I shout, eyes blind to see the Bebop's comforting living room around me. The past, my eye's still focused on the past. I have to let it go, already!
Kicking my jacket off, I sulk to my quarters, avoiding any of the crew. I could still see Julia, laying there dead, killing all my hopes and dreams of a normal life with her. If only she'd run instead of staying with me. Julia...leave me alone...
I decide to let off some steam by working out, toughen out all the muscles that had gotten lax in the hospital. I close my eyes, arms and legs already in position. Then I'm no longer there, instead I am everywhere at once. No longer am I trapped in flesh, but spirit. I'm watching myself do moves so familiar, yet alien.

Suddenly, I can see Vicious's cold eyes, glaring at me as he falls to the ground. Then, a smile creeps over his lips and he dies.
Julia. Falling yet again, blood soaking through her clothes. She dies. Everything dies when I'm around!
Roco. My only student. Just as he masters my technique, a bullet steals his life.
Lin, Shin. The list goes on and on, breaking my already weak conscience. If I hadn't been born, then none of them would have died!

I'm back in my own body, doing my routine harder than usual. Panting, I stop, too tried to continue anymore.
"Dammit!" I yell through clenched teeth, heading towards the shower, which I don't expect to be warm, to distract from my persistent conscience. If I was able to kill things that didn't have form, my conscience would be the first to go.