Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Return to Life ❯ Rain on the Parade ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Return to Life
Chapter Four- Rain on the Parade

Author's Note: Yes, I have finally finished with the fourth chapter. It's much better than before, and I've added more content. Happy, eh? Just a couple of things, folks.
<Thought brackets like this represent Spike's thoughts in a dream>
Easy enough to remember, right? Do you want me to continue this, or not? I'm having fun writing it because I enjoy being in Spike's head, and exploring his thoughts. So please tell me if you want more, or not because I have lots of other projects I could work on. ^_^ I'm done now, please enjoy.

I should be happy, shouldn't I? After all, I survived the death of Julia, and the showdown with Vicious. In fact, I should be ecstatic. But I don't feel any of these things. Guilt is weighing on my conscience like a ton of bricks. All those deaths...
"Spike, is something wrong?"
I open my eyes, and find myself looking into Jet's worried ones. A few moments pass before I speak. I never know the right words to say. "If the spirits of the dead were haunting you...how would you get rid of them?"
Jet's eyes grow wide, and he stares at me for a full minute. "Figuratively, you mean?" I offer no reply, only await his answer. "Make peace with them."
Easier said than done, friend. I close my eyes once again, allowing sleep to close in once more. Someone's shaking me. Hard, I might add. I lay in a coma of half-consciousness, my mind split in half. One is aware of reality, and ponders whether or not to answer the call. The other half is in the middle of a dream, one where Julia is alive, and Vicious is my partner once more. Guess which one I choose?
The hands leave me, and I slip into oblivion once again.

"A girl, huh?" Vicious ponders, face set in a confused expression.
I glance over at him, halfcocked smile on my face. "Not just any girl, Vicious. An angel...," I say, remembering her warm embrace, just like a pair of angel's wings.
He stares at me, lone raised brow raised in curiosity. "Sounds like you've got a disease," He comments dryly, draining the last of his drink in one gulp. "A bad one at that."
I stare into the glass of bourbon, fully aware that I'm close to drunk. Vicious calls out to the bartender for another shot. My face grows serious, dangerous thoughts run in circles in my mind. "You know, I'd give it all up for her. I would drop out of the Mafia, throw all material things away, and go to the ends of the earth, just for her. Hell, I'd even give up you..."
Vicious's eyes grow wide, and he stares at me alarmed. Then, he smiles, distress slipping away. "You've gonna be drunk to be thinking that way," He says nonchalantly.
"I'm not drunk...," I say loudly, defending myself. Then more quietly add. "yet."
Vicious laughs, always a delicious thing to hear. I am enjoying my protege's company, even if it is a dream. "What's her name?" He asks quietly, casting eyes downward. "Julia."
"Julia...a very common name."
"Yeah."
"Do you love her?"
"Yeah."
"How much?"
"You heard how much, Vis."
"You're not really thinking of leaving the Mafia, are you? You know it's impossible, right? Besides, you're second-in-command. When the elders transfer leadership, your are going to be their first choice," He tells me fast, as if he himself hates to admit it. Reliving this particular moment, I realize this is the first sign that Vicious had his own hidden agenda. Or the beginnings of one.
"Have you ever felt incomplete your own life, then suddenly you meet someone who fits that emptiness perfectly?" Vicious nods, choosing to remain silent yet I can tell he's holding something back. I've always had a sneaking suspicion that Vicious was my partner in more ways than one. But we've never actually explored that option...except for the times when we were too drunk to remember what the hell happened the night before.
"Julia fills that hole, Vicious. If she asked me to jump off a cliff, I would. Without a thought of hesitation."
"You'd give up this life so quickly?" He asks, forgetting his drink altogether and turning to me. I almost roll my eyes, but I feel he needs a reasonable answer.
"What's so great about this life? I am at the beck and call of the elders. I am the police officer, the judge and the executioner all in one. I don't like having my life controlled."
"But Spike, who's controlling your life right now? You are. But in the Mafia, you're allowing yourself to be controlled, when you could just-"
"Escape," I add, a sudden wave of determination coming over me. If I wanted this to really work, I'd have to accept a mission that would either free me or kill me. I was betting on the latter.
"Dammit, Spike! Do you have a death wish? Do you realize what will happ-"
"I'm aware," I interrupt quietly, a plan slowly forming. Vicious stands, anger burning in his eyes. "I've heard enough. If you're actually going to go through with this, I don't want any part of it."
I grab his arm, stopping him from walking out the door. "I can't do it without your help." He glares at me, a little bit of the future Vicious peeking out.
"Then don't!" He remarks bitterly, storming out. I stare after him, disappointed. Dammit, if I wanted to do this, I'd have to go it alone.

<Alone? I didn't do it alone. I had Vicious's help after all. Except he had planned his own agenda. He had contacted Julia, and threatened to kill us both if she didn't do away with me. But she cared too much for me, and as I waited for her arrival at the graveyard, it became clear she was never going to come. She had trapped herself in hell to save my life. I disappeared after that, but I never stopped caring about Julia. I should never have come back to get her, because when I finally found her again, she died. Everything dies when I'm around. Did I mention that before?
<Well, it's true. So many souls have departed from this world because of me. I can't help but feel guilty. I feel I've made peace with Vicious and Julia, because they had known me better than anyone. The best I can do is carry the weight, and hope nothing comes back to bite me in the ass.>

IF YOU KILL ONE, THERE ARE BOUND TO BE OTHERS...
(To be continued...)