Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ Anime Chaos! Talk Show from Hell! ❯ Harry Pothead if Raped by Anime! ( Chapter 6 )

Anime Chaos! Talk Show from Hell!

Disclaimer: All anime characters go to their rightful and respectful owners, any and all references to "THE STORY" also known as "Sausage or something like it" go to the almighty Strawb-sama and T.C. I BOW TO YOU! *bows* And Brit/ET will now be Katinka. (her Russian split personality)

Kimchi: I DON'T WANT TO SIT STILL!!!! *runs around the room in crazed circles*

Katinka: heeey I'm the insane one!! *sniff* She's taking my job!

KT: *redneck south park accent* SHE TOOK YER JOB!!

TC: Hey I know! Let's go on random quests!!

KT: For the golden undies! *pantses ET*

Katinka: *wearing her trademark purple spandex which she has named… "Gay Kevin"* EEEK!! Gay Kevin does not wish to be seen!!

Kimchi: *Smacks KT* NOOO! They did that in "THE STORY" we must think of our own quests!

KT: *Smacks Kimchi back* Who the hell smacks people!?

Everyone: O.o?

Lesbi: *Just sort of… APPEARED!* Lets go on a quest to get me a better name!

TC: Ok your name is Harry………………………… …. Shlong!

Harry Shlong: NOOOO!! I liked Lesbi better!

Kimchi: Alright your name shall remain Lesbi.

Lesbi: But… oh never mind it can only get worse. *sigh*

TC: Hey aren't we missing someone? Where is Skitzo?

FLASH BACK TIME!!!

*After the 5th chapter to introduce the new cast and get rid of the old ones, Skitzo walks onstage after everyone has left*

Skitzo: I fell asleep!!! Is it over? *SCREAMS* GUUUUUYSSS!!??!? *falls through trap door*

END OF FLASH BACK!

Kimchi: Screw it I don't see Chili, I mean Skitzo that much either. *sweat drop*

KT: Screw?? Screw what!?

TC: Hey we can go to Hogwarts and SPOOF (fun word!) Harry Pothead!!

Kimchi: Yea since the 3rd movie SUCKED ASS.

Lesbi: What are you humans talking about??

Katinka: I like to spoof. *BIG perverted grin*

TC: Who gets to be Harry?

Katinka: heh Hairy.

Everyone: Not THAT hairy!!!

KT: Kimchi can be Harry! Since she just dyed her hair black!

Kimchi: I don't want to be Harry!! *suddenly has no hair* Damn…

*Pretty colored lights and some random smoke effects are added and the next thing you know the entire cast is seen wearing those cool Black Hogwarts uniforms and standing in front of the Hogwarts castle… yes even Lesbi. A moose… in a Hogwarts uniform… Ohhh the mental images XD*

Everyone: WHOOOAA!!!

Kimchi: YEEESSS!!!! *cries* (serious HP fanatic XD) *and somehow got her hair back*

Random voice: All new comers this way to the sorting ceremony!

TC: Isn't Hagrid supposed to come and get everyone?

Everyone: *strain their heads to see Hagrid*

Katinka: Hey I know that guy!

*Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z is seen in Hagrid's overcoat made of dead moles strung together*

Vegeta: HURRY UP YOU STUPID HUMANS!

Stupid Humans: O.O *begin hurrying*

KT: Vegeta? Are you insane!? Oh, never mind.

*Vegeta leads our crew through the ginormous Hogwarts entrance and into the Great Hall where the school house tables are lined with older students watching the little newbies twitch and spaz*

Vegeta: I am now going to leave you little bastards here where professor McGonagall will suffer your presence *stomps off*

*Footsteps are heard as Integra from Hellsing walks into the room wearing one of those awesome witch cloak thingies that all teachers of Hogwarts seem to wear*

Integra: When I call your name please come forward QUICKLY, seat yourself on this stool and try on the Sorting Hat.

*Random stool is seen in the middle of the room with the traditional craptastic old musty dingy sorting hat seated atop it*

Integra: Katinka!!

Katinka: *snoring while standing in place* … WHAT! I DIDN'T DO IT!! O.O

Integra: SIT ON THE STOOL!

TC: WHY MUST WE YELL!?

Integra: SILENCE!

KT: OK!

Kimchi: LOUD NOISES!! (copyright of Anchorman!)

Katinka: *walks to the stool sits down and puts on the sorting hat, as soon as the hat touches her head it screams out…*

Sorting Hat: Hufflepuff!

Kimchi: Figures *snicker* (Hufflepuff's for stupid people! XD)

Integra: Go to the table with the badger on it's flag.

Katinka: …. What's a badger?? *actually does NOT know what a badger is*

Integra: THE YELLOW FLAG OVER THERE!! ::points to table of Hufflepuffians::

Katinka: ooo *runs off to her house table*

Integra: Lesbi!…. Lesbi? What kind of a name is that!?

Lesbi: Not a very good one. *gets stared at by EVERYONE* YES I AM A MOOSE!

Integra: Uhh… we do not permit Moose's inside of the school.

Lesbi: And… I'm supposed to do what about this??

Integra: Go see Hagrid (Vegeta) he is the grounds keeper, I'm sure he'll know what to do with you.

Lesbi: *turns to leave* RACIST!! *runs*

Integra: O.O; …… Kimchi!

Kimchi: *runs to stool and jams the sorting hat onto her head* *GRIN*

Sorting Hat: Gryffindor!

Kimchi: Why do I get stuck with all the goody goodies? *walks off to table with a lion flag over it*

Integra: KT!

KT: *walks into stool knocking it over* Crap … *grabs hat and stuffs it over her head*

Sorting Hat: Slytherin!

KT: heeheehee I'm evil! *evily skips off to the table with the snake flag over it*

Integra: TC!

TC: YAY!! *picks up hat and sets it on her head* This is SO kosher *kosher grin*

Sorting Hat: Ravenclaw!

TC: O.o …. I'm smart!? *runs off to the table with the raven over it* Hey guys, I'm smart!!

Integra: That concludes the sorting of the new comers please remain seated and our headmaster (Authors Note: OOOO the pervertedness of that term!) will give his speech. *Seats herself at what I have dubbed The Teacher Table. (DUNDUNDUN!) or TTT for short!*

Katinka: Is that like the KKK but for tables?

TC: yes they are racist towards maple and dog wood tables… bastards!

Kimchi: Nothing worse than organized redneck tables.

*Everyone quiets down to show respect for the headmaster (heehee). But our lovely little cast just shut the hell up to see the anime Dumbledore, so as I was saying. A hush fell over the crowd as Dumbledore approached a podium to give his yearly speech…. And he was far to short to see over it. For none other than Koenma-Chan from Yu Yu Hakusho stood before the students. He wore a purple sparkly wizard cloak with little silver stars ALL over it! … He also wore a big fake beard and glasses, but behind that beard was the binky to give away his true identity.. Even though you already know who he is*

Koenma: I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey…

Everyone: HOW STRANGE WAS IT!?

Koenma: Quite strange indeed for you see this year Hogwarts will be hosting some guests. The Dementors, guardians of Azkaban will be sanctioned at all entrances to the school. This is only temporary until Sirius Black is captured. They don't understand pleading or the mention of free sex so give them no reason to harm you. ESCAPE WILL BE FUTILE!

Students: O.O

Koenma: But anyway now we feast! *claps hands and that big flashy dinner thing happens (A/N: I'm to hungry to go into detail ;-;)*

Integra: Now that the feast has ended…

Feast: WHO THE HELL PUT YOU INCHARGE!!!

Integra: *super evil death bitch glares the feast (copyright to Integra XD)*

Feast: ok I'm done *cries*

KT: I hate to see food cry.

Koenma: One more thing! *is seated in highchair at the TTT* *claps his hands again* Vegeta! I mean Hagrid! I mean Vegeta!

Vegeta: You sort of called? *Is dragging Lesbi around by a leash*

Lesbi: How humiliating.

Koenma: I've always wanted a moose…. I mean personal assistant. From now on you can stay in the castle as long as you work for ME. And ONLY ME!

Lesbi: Ok… how humiliating. REPETITION!

Koenma: *GRIN* *Seats himself on Lesbi as they ride off into the sunset*

Integra: You may now follow the Prefects to your assigned dormitories. *Exit's the room with all of the other teachers*

Anime Chaos Cast: BYE GUYS!!! *wave sayonara to each other*

*Much scrambling and pantsing happens we're not quite sure as to why but the entire room empties…. Some injuries were involved…. (KT: *hides mongoose* … I ESCAPE!) but most made it out unharmed*

At the Hufflepuff Dormitory

(Katinka)

*There are no cool people in Hufflepuff! So Katinka just has to go straight to bed! BWAHAHAHA!*

Katinka: awww that's not fair. I've been raped! … I mean tricked!… I'm suing.

Kimchi: well, that's because someone doesn't read the books.

*Katinka is pelted with Harry Potter books. A potentially dangerous situation O.O*

KT: now that's what I call karma *karma grin*

TC: Hey we're supposed to be in separate parts of the story!

Everyone: oh yea *stare at each other* o.o …… *leave*

At the Gryffindor Dormitory

(Kimchi)

*Kimchi walks along with the crowd until they come to the painting of the "Fat Lady"*

*Keitaro from Love Hina is seen in a pink dress and covered in white paint*

Keitaro: *sniff* But I'm not obese OR a woman!

KT: *screams from wherever it is, that she is* YOU ARE NOW!

Keitaro: *is scared* oh ok…

*The Prefect of Gryffindor or Percy Weasley strode forward… hmmm we need an egotistical, full of himself, bore of a person to play this role!…. Ilpalazzo from Excel Saga strode forward with his Hogwarts uniform and Prefect badge*

Ilpalazzo: Ignorant masses! I command thee to silence yourselves while I, your soon to be ruler and overlord shall utter a secret word also known as the password which allows us to pass secretly from one point to another, and so therefore once this word of pass is uttered it shall bring forth a passageway that once after a brief journey through to the other side will lead us all to our living quarters where we shall spend most of our free time outside of classes!

Gryffindor students: *all snoring as Ilpalazzo makes his speech*

Ilpalazzo: *random loud speaker* WAAAAAKE UUUUP!!!

Gryffindor students: WHHHA!!!! O. <

Kimchi: Because you just HAVE to listen to someone with a loudspeaker.

Ilpalazzo: AHEM! The password IS "for tuna of the major river of the Amazon in Oklahoma"

Everyone: O.O?

Keitaro: uhh.. Ok *steps aside to reveal a hole (hee)… that widens (heehee) to allow the students inside* I hate my life. *Drips some paint*

*All the widdle Gryffindorians go inside to the common room*

Kimchi: *is about to walk off when she is grabbed and brutally shaken by Ilpalazzo*

Ilpalazzo: YOU KNOW DON'T YOU!?

Kimchi: O.O

Ilpalazzo: YOU KNOW THAT THIS VERY COMMON ROOM IS HOME TO THE LEGENDARY HARRY POTTER RIGHT!? *shakes Kimchi some more*

Kimchi: O.O

*Suddenly a pink spotlight, yes pink, shines down on one corner of the room and in that corner… there is some air… but mainly there is a man standing amidst that air and he is…. Wearing REALLY tight jeans!!! O.O (my eyes!) Dee from FAKE is that man standing amidst that air with that shiny pink spotlight shining down on him! He also sports giant thick glasses with a scar that was sharpied onto his forehead*

Dee: Hey I said I was Bi dammit! Bi!! Not a friggin' pedophile!

Kimchi: Wow so you're THE Harry Potter?

Dee: *sigh* I guess so, just look at this scar *points to his forehead, but where a lightning bolt should be………………………… 230;….......... There is a penis*

Kimchi: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! *laughing fit*

Dee: *looks in mirror* DAMMIT! THIS WAS RYO'S DOING!!!

*Strange brown haired Japanese man is seen fleeing the scene.. With a sharpie*

Ilpalazzo: Well now that you two have met, allow me to introduce you to a member (hee) of my family… ROOOOOON!!! *earsplitting scream*

Dee: *sigh* you should have saved that pink spotlight for this.

Kimchi: For what?? *innocent chibi look*

*More Rocky Horrorness! "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" begins playing out of absolutely nowhere as the pink spotlight shines down on a door… and from that door emerges the gayest, queerest… thing ever to be seen, that oh so pink and flamboyant Shuichi from Gravitation! Wearing a normal Hogwarts uniform… but since his hair is pink his gayness is completely revealed! … and he IS Ron after all*

Shuichi: LIKE HIIIII!!! It's so amazing to meet you!! OH MY GOD! I just LOVE your hair!!! *GRIN*

Kimchi: …. Thanks?

Shuichi: *runs over and man glomps Dee* YOU BIG SILLY! I haven't seen you in forever!

Dee: Jesus Christ! When did you turn into such a stereotypical queer?

Shuichi: I… don't… KNOW! O.O

Kimchi: cries I'm scared.

Dee: Oh I guess we should introduce you to Hermione.

Shuichi: ohh I don't like that girl! She's so rude to me. *pout*

Dee: That's because your gay.

Shuichi: But your gay too! *inches closer to Dee*

Dee: No I'm Bi, she is the Hogwarts whore after all, and she knows she can't sleep with you so she doesn't like you.

Shuichi and Kimchi: O.O

*Footsteps are heard as Miaka from Fushigi Yugi walks into the room in a Hogwarts uniform and carrying a book. I mean everyone knows she's a whore*

Miaka: OMIGOSH!! Where have you boys been!? I was er… tutoring some people in the library… where you were SUPPOSED to meet me!

Shuichi: Then why is you top unbuttoned, a very ugly top at that? T.T

Miaka: KYAAA! *turns around and buttons it*

Kimchi: =.= heeeelp me!

Ilpalazzo: Oh forgive me I forgot the REST of my family!

Kimchi: *gasp* There's more!?

Shuichi: Yea our parents had LOTS of fun.

Ilpalazzo: FRED!! GEORGE!!! Get down here this instant!

*Loud thuds and some explosions are heard as two pairs of feet make their way down the random staircase in the Gryffindor common room. Amiboshi and

Suboshi also from Fushigi Yugi are seen stumbling down the steps*

Ilpalazzo: What were those noises?? *glares skeptically*

Amiboshi: uhh… just some…

Suboshi: …. Magic fireworks that…

Amiboshi: … went off by mistake!

Kimchi: NO! No annoying twin speak! Where the twins finish each others sentences!

Amiboshi and Suboshi: ok

Suboshi: You picked us for this part because we're the only anime twins you know of. *glares at Kimchi*

Kimchi: eh heh. *makes sure all Yo-Yo like objects are out of reach::

Ilpalazzo: You two weren't doing anything against school rules were you!?

Amiboshi: No of course not!

Suboshi: We wouldn't want our big brother to tattle on us on our first day back now would we?

Ilpalazzo: I told you it's not tattling! I'm a prefect! It's my job to report any misdoings by my fellow Gryffindor's!!

Everyone: So you tell on them.

Ilpalazzo: NO! It's different!

Everyone again: Suuuuure

Shuichi: Oh wait we have one more family member!

Amiboshi: Oh yea, where did Ginny go to?

*EXTREMLY loud explosion is heard, much louder than the boshi twins! Kaolla Su from Love Hina skips down the same steps that Amiboshi and Suboshi had just emerged from, with her face completely black with soot*

Su: *GRIN* Guess what Fred and George have upstairs!? It's amazing! It's…

Suboshi: *smacks his hand over Su's mouth*

Amiboshi: Ginny you can have one if you keep quite!

Su: O.O who's Ginny?

Ilpalazzo: WHAT DO YOU HAVE UP THERE!?!?!

Suboshi: NOTHING! Ginny was just playing a trick!

Amiboshi: You know, she was trying to make it seem like we actually DID have something up there when we don't.

Su: *GRIN again* Tricks are for kids!! ^______^

Ilpalazzo: alright…. *still looks skeptical* Ginny are you sure there's nothing up there?

Suboshi: *quickly wipes soot off of Su's face*

Su: I forgot what we were saying! ^______^ *Grin GRIN*

Ilpalazzo: *sigh*

At the Slytherin Dormitory

(KT)

*The entire Slytherin group is marching to it's dormitory. When they get down into the dungeons the Prefect says the password (Ass rape) and some stones move all magic like to create a doorway. (They never go into detail about Slytherin!)

KT: *still evily skipping* I'm evil!

*KT evil skips her way over to the armchairs and sits down by the fire all comfortable*

KT: Dammit. Kimchi gets to meet all the main characters!!

"EXCUSE ME!? You wouldn't happen to be talking about anyone from Gryffindor would you?"- random voice

KT: *looks around all startled* Who said that? OH YEA! All the cool evil people are in this house!!

*Three evil male figures appear out of the shadows. The first one comes forth… evily!! And this evil figure of evil is………………….. KUNO! From Ranma