Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ My College Romantic Comedy Was Wrong, As I Expected ❯ My College SNAFU: 6 ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Six

 

It was summer. My first novel was entered in the new author Debut Novel competition. I was waiting for results. School was going to wrap up in a week for summer break. Household tensions were weird. It seems that Nana and Aki had spoken to Haruno and Saki about their agreement and done much the same with Kyouya. So now my room wasn’t the only noisy one. Being summer, our windows were open so we’d gained a reputation as the Haunted House of Okami Arts. I would feel ashamed of this if I wasn’t so exhausted and relaxed all the time. Worse, I was building abs and arm muscles from… well you know. Haruno was both flexible and inventive, and Saki tended to get the bit between her teeth and was more of an endurance partner. Anyway, I found a shrine near the stone steps leading up to the house from the street below. Some wag from the stone casting lab had made a shrine house with a moaning ghost sculpted in with concrete, and a candle inside, and a warning plaque about the haunted house purporting to be from a two centuries ago. I appreciate the joke, so I left it up. Haruno stamped her foot, rosy red, when she saw it, but Saki just photographed it with her phone and forwarded it to her brother and my sister, I found out later. I swear. Women.

End of school year included a student festival, showing off what we’d been doing with various projects and galleries and installations. There was also a music festival on the final day, culminating with a famous graduate from the school a few years ago. Unfortunately, an hour before he begged off with laryngitis.

“Nana! You can do this. You’ve been training for months now. Get out there and sing.” So she did Fire Woman by Love and Rockets and it went over well. 80’s tunes are timeless. She kissed Kyouya later, after the show. If circumstances had been different she might have found ShinoAki kissing Kyouya and a whole broken-heart trainwreck would start crashing into the landscape, but things weren’t so.

 

++++++++

 

Two days later Haruno showed up at my place, tucking her phone away and looking pensive.

“Hachiman. We should go home to Chiba to deal with some things there. Visit your family. Saki too. And I need to check in. Pack a bag for a week.” I relented. This was needed. I put any meats in the freezer and put a sign by the veggies to help yourself. Kyouya probably would. Aki and Nana were both visiting family at their homes. ShinoAki up to Itoshima and Nanako to Lake Biwa. The three of us took the trains to Kyoto and then Tokyo, and a transfer over to Chiba. It was our hometown.

“Did you know there’s a famous book that starts here,” mentioned Haruno pointing at the port area beyond the main train station. “It’s called Neuromancer. Scifi, supposed to be the inspiration for The Matrix and Ghost In The Shell.”

“Huh. I wonder if I should read it. Any good?” I asked her.

“It’s literature. I think it should be required reading for every Chiba high school student.”

We got into the family limo, the one that hit me all those years ago, and the same driver took us to Saki’s house to drop her and her luggage off, then to mine nearby. I kissed Haruno and she promised to see me later.

I rang the doorbell on the family home. No one answered. I tried my key. It still worked. I stepped in.

“I’m home?” Silence. Figures. My cat showed up. At least Kamakura still remembered me. I petted him and settled onto the couch to think. Eventually I checked my phone for messages. I’d had it silent while I was on the trains. Manners, you know?

I hadn’t been alone like this in a while. I just let it sink and drifted off to sleep.

“Gomi-chan!” was the loud voice of imouto much too close. I cracked open an eye and regarded her. She was glowing with life, as always. My sister was boundless energy. She also had an engagement ring.

“Taishi asked you, huh?” I confirmed. She nodded.

“When’s the baby due?” I asked. She swatted me with a pillow.

“I could ask you the same question, but Saki-chan wouldn’t tell you. Is college life really like that?”

“Oh, Komachi. Its way more interesting than that.” I told her.

“Are you kidding me?”

“I think they are trying to see who I pick so the other one can be the mistress.”

“Did you become French when you were off at school? Is that what they teach in art school? J’accusez!” she added with a dramatic finger. Then giggled.

“I only have so many tears. I used up a year’s supply.”

“So how come you didn’t try this solution with Yui and Yukino?”

“Can you see either of them being mature enough to consider that?” I eyed her. She flopped.

“No-pe!” she popped the P. “And they’re vamping around town, picking up guys and molesting them like Haruno used to threaten, and dropping them on street corners when they’re done. I’ve never seen anything like that. It’s.. trashy.”

“I think that sounds really terrible, and very much out of character. Where did you hear such things?” I asked her.

“It’s probably just a rumor.”

“I hope they aren’t blaming ME for their behavior.”

“Of course they are. It’s probably just dancing and teasing. Some women get really crazy after high school. They still have to marry by 23, but until then they play around a lot so they have something to regret on lonely winter nights.”

“Oh? Has Komachi discovered a talent for self reflection and cynicism?” I teased her.

“Stupid Gomi-chan! Sent me Voltaire, and now I can never un-see the truth. Optimism is a lie!” she declared like a magical girl, finger upraised. Then she giggled again.

“Now that I’m a second year in high school I can finally understand what is so addicting about teasing people.”

“Haruno says something similar.”

“So you and Haruno and Saki all just… that?” she asked.

“Usually not all of us. That happened once. There was wine. Usually they trade off.” It didn’t sound any less sordid.

“So college really is like an ecchi game. What about your roommates? What do they think about this?” I blushed at her question.

“They have their own arrangement,” I said. I don’t want to corrupt my little sister.

“Really? So you corrupted them?” she demanded. I must have said that last bit out loud. Damn Kyon!

“Who’s Kyon?” she asked.

“Nevermind. Famous Harem protagonist.”

“So he’s FICTIONAL then?“ she emphasized.

“Probably. Most likely. There’s a theory that if God really was a high school girl, she would make it so an anime was created about her return to Earth so the people would know her. And it sort of fits, if you take the broader view. And even more so if you think Kyon is the God, and the high school girl is just his manic pixie dreamgirl. The harem also makes more sense.”

“Literature students all talk like you, don’t they? Is that how they end up practicing Bigamy? What are our parents going to say?”

I kind of dread that, but it was coming, wasn’t it?

“It’s only bigamy if I marry them both. And we saw what happened when I rejected one and chose another. They don’t seem unsatisfied.”

“Gomi-chan, do not brag to me. I know you, and I remember your Chuuni phase,” Komachi shook her finger in my face.

“Ugh. I need coffee. Want some?” I offered.

“Not that Max stuff.”

“Real coffee. If we have any. I learned how to make it properly in college,” I said. “Saki taught me.”

“Saki drinks coffee? Since when?” she asked. I started putting together the stuff I needed to make coffee. The parents would rush a cup on the way out the door to their terrible jobs.

“She joined the sewing club. One of them is a fiend and taught her. Didn’t the pictures I sent you give you some idea of how weird art college students are?”

“I figured you were exaggerating, like usual. You’re so dramatic. Does Saki know how sensitive you are?” she poked.

“Yes. So does Haruno.”

“And they didn’t leave you?”

“Not all women are heartless,” I responded.

“Hmph. Still sounds like some kind of practical joke. How did you convince them to both sleep with you?”

“They convinced me. Women are mysterious. You want to know why, ask one of them, but this is probably as big a secret as Candide and you might never be able to un-see it once you know.”  

Komachi made a face, as if considering the value of a dangerous truth versus the value of her remaining innocence as a high school girl with genki powers. She didn’t answer. I let her stew.

The coffee finished and I poured her a cup, then myself. I tasted it. The coffee maker needs to be cleaned. I added a small amount of sugar. Komachi did too.

We sipped in silence a while.

“You still haven’t said how you’re going to explain this to mom,” Komachi reminded me.

“I’ll just wing it. I’m in college. Maybe she’ll just chant about grandbabies in a demented voice?” I suggested. “Not worried about Dad?”

“Nah. He’ll give you a thumbs up.”

 

Mom got home early, just after dark and seemed happy to see me. I hugged her and fed her some gift cake I got from a shop in the intervening hours, better coffee, and pictures.

“So, Hachiman. I noticed you haven’t mentioned the two girls you’re screwing,” she finally said. I squirmed.

“Its not like I’m running around on them. They organized this.”

“College is supposed to be a time of experimentation, but I didn’t raise my son to commit bigamy,” she pointed out.

“So, Saki and who else?” she asked. I told her. She froze. Then she laughed. She laughed good and loud.

“Oh mercy. That’s… that’s precious. Keiko must be fit to be tied. And she can’t say ANYTHING.”

“Eh? Who’s Keiko?”

“Haruno’s mother. She and I were close friends at Soubu chasing the same handsome Kendo team captain. We got drunk together one night and seduced him and we both got pregnant and made him choose between us. She got chosen and I gave your sister up for adoption to my older brother and his wife to raise. That’s cousin Seiya, she’s your half-sister, and Haruno’s too.”

“What about Dad?” I asked.

“I met him in college a year later. We got married and eventually had you two. I still visit Seiya when I can. She’s a strong girl, like her father. Keeping this scandal quiet is all its own kind of entertainment. So are you going to marry Haruno or keep her as the mistress?” she asked, like it was the most natural things in the world. Komachi was holding her hands over her ears, scandalized. I patted her head, and the untamed ahoge which waved over her head wiggled like mine did.

“That’s a good hairstyle you’re wearing, Hachiman.”

“Saki helped me with it. She’s my other partner. She really came through for me.”

“That’s because Saki had a crush on you ever since you helped Taishi with her problem. She said you were good with kids like Keika and Rumi. She noticed that kind of thing.”

“Saki is a good woman. Very intense.”

The announcement for the national new author Debut Novel winner came on. I checked my phone messages to see how I placed. I blinked.

“I won.”

“Won? Won what?” asked Komachi. She looked at the message. She hugged me.

“Gomi-chan, you’re a winner!” my sister cheered.

“Hmm? Did a Nigerian Prince learn you were trustworthy?” Mom asked snidely.

“I won the national novel competition. It comes with a scholarship. And a cash prize. And a publishing contract.” I am shocked.

“There’s a banquet in a week. I have to be there to accept the prize.” I responded.

“I wonder which girl you take to the dinner? Haruno or Saki?” asked mom.

“Why not shock them? Take both,” suggested Komachi.

 

+++++++++++

 

The Kawasaki family was not amused. Saki kept her head down while her parents chewed me out. I waited.

“I just won the national debut novel award. I am going to be famous. I am famous, as of yesterday evening. I want to take Saki to the award ceremony with me.”

“We have our pride, you know. You can’t use Saki and cast her aside for some rich floozy,” her father demanded. He was angry. Her mother just seethed in rage.

“I will never discard her. She’s been invaluable to me for the last year. And we’re very close.”

“You’re close to that Yukinoshita, too.”

“Yes, I am. But we’re talking about Saki. Haruno might get bored of me. But I will never get bored of Saki.” This took them aback somewhat and they simmered.

“You won some award? What’s that for?” he asked roughly. Her parents both worked. Saki had helped raise her younger siblings. Her brother was going to marry my sister. I had to be polite.

“I wrote a book. It’s going to be published. The judges liked it better than all the thousands of other books they read this year. So it’s going to sell. And it’s going to make money.”

“How much?” asked her father.

“Hard to say. Might be worth a year’s wages. Might be two years wages. There’s sequels I’ve already written, and those will publish every few months until they get caught up. There could be additional media, which also brings in money. I have to talk to a literary agent so I make the most I can.”

“So this school you’re going to is useful for all that?” he asked.

“Indeed. They teach this sort of business.”

“Well. Hemm. Don’t let them take advantage of you. Saki’s future is riding on you.” I bowed and the children finally entered and we ate a family dinner together without all the shouting, though it remained a bit tense.

 

+++++++

 

I kissed Haruno at a coffee shop where we’d eaten fancy donuts years ago. It was a low rent but slightly upscale place. The coffee was good, but expensive, and the donuts were too sweet, but Haruno liked this kind of place. She was disguised similarly to last time, complete with sunglasses at night and a beret. She giggled at my glare towards her outfit. Haruno is a delight.

“Congrats on the award. I saw the news.”

“I have some news too. Did you know you have a half-sister?” I told her. She was sipping coffee and managed to swallow it rather than spray it all over me. I was grateful for this. It looked sticky.

“Really? And how might you know that?” she asked.

“My mother and your mother were rivals for your father’s affection. One night there was alcohol and two positive pregnancy tests were a result. Your mother got the ring, and mom gave me a ‘cousin’ who looks like you with an ahoge. Oh, and arms that lets her pick up pigs. She’s a farmer.”

“That’s scandalous,” Haruno giggled. She considered, and laughed a bit more.

“Does she know?” Haruno asked.

“I don’t know. I only just found out because you and I are dating. Mom thinks it’s hilarious. Speaking of, would you be willing to be my official mistress? Saki’s parents are pushing me to make her an honest woman. They’re not wealthy enough to get the joke, or find anything about this remotely funny.” Haruno considered.

“All right. We can do it that way. But I insist you give me a child at some point. My little sister is making a huge mess and its keeping mother occupied hushing up the scandals. I think it’s just a cry for help. As such I’d like you to meet with her and Yui. The two of them are raising Cain.”

“Who’s Cain?” I asked.

“It’s a Christian thing. My professor in Material Science used to say it all the time. How they found a Norweigian who spoke Japanese I will never know.”

“Let’s go ring shopping after we get done with this awards dinner. Something for me, something for Saki. And your reputation will be sealed at school as a rotten hearted playboy. Won’t that be nice?” and she laughed. I ate my donut and sipped the bitter goodness of my coffee.

“Well, I am not even remotely close to sleepy. Whatever shall we do?” taunted Haruno. Rather than retire to her family home and cause an incident there, or rent a room for a few hours in a love motel, we went club hopping. It was several clubs before I noticed a pattern. Haruno kept checking her phone, and making a distasteful noise. Eventually we found Yui and Yukino in a dance club, dancing with each other and flirting with various club boys like some terrible yuri parody. Haruno eyed her sister and pushed me to pull Yui apart to dance with her. She was drunk. It took her a while to recognize me. Then she cried. Yukino was getting chewed out in a booth by Haruno. She also looked drunk, and probably drugged on some kind of stimulant. She couldn’t hold still. I carefully danced Yui out of the dance floor while she cried and got her to the booth.

“And you’re shaming our family!” Haruno insisted.

“Oh. It’s you,” said Yukino, recognizing me instantly, tone venomous.

“How nostalgic,” I replied, gently lowering Yui into a seat.

“I never led Yui into a life of drugs and debauchery. Are you proud?” I accused her.

“You debauched my sister,” Yukino accused. I looked to Haruno.

“You did. Thoroughly. Repeatedly. Every other night. With good food, good company, and athletic sex.”

“I don’t want to hear this,” argued Yukino.

“What you missed?” I teased.

Yui looked green. I signaled an attendant, who brought a plastic bucket for this common problem, placing it beside her.

“Use that if you need it.”

“Oddly, there’s not much need for nightclubs down in Nara. We do sit down dinners with artists and sing 80’s songs together and show off our art. Did you know I won the Debut Novel today?” I asked Yukino.

“You wrote a novel? Was it like that chuuni garbage Yoshiteru wrote?” mocked Yukino. She might need a bucket herself soon. Yui puked a rainbow into her bucket.

“You’re my best friend,” she muttered to the bucket.

“Alcohol is self-abuse,” I chastised.

“You just say that because it wrecks your writing,” disagreed Haruno. She liked wine.

“It’s not chuuni. It’s about the Service Club. You’re going to be famous. Do you want to be scandalous too?” I asked her. She frowned.

“That’s … that’s not fair. I never gave you permission to do that.”

“Funny thing about a memoir. You write the truth and it gets published anyway. You should give up this nonsense. This isn’t like you. You were never like Haruno, and now Haruno isn’t either. The Haruno I’m seeing is only interested in flirting with me.”

“True. And he’s so satisfying. I walked with a limp for days after that first time. And a smile that wouldn’t go away.”

“That sounds so… you, neesan. So utterly you. So you won the bet. Are you happy?” Yukino sulked. Jealously and anger were making her sober up.

“Delirious. Being away from all this family mess, and those dirty old men, with a strapping young man to ride? It’s wonderful.” Great. I was a horse, now. Still, good memories. And more to make later.

“And I can keep up with her banter.”

“And he cooks. Did you know that? He cooks. He’s got an actual personality and everything. You missed out on all that.”

Yukino stared at the two of us and softened. She started crying. Haruno hauled her out of the club making sure their tab was paid with a family credit card. I helped Yui drink a tall glass of water and gather their purses, extracting them from this stupid place and out in the cool night air of Chiba City.

I think, even in their idiotic state, they knew better than act like this in Tokyo and keep things in the district where Mr Yukinoshita could quietly rescue them from police with the right word in the right ear. It probably made things worse, getting away with it.

Yui was half dead from exhaustion and would need a good nights sleep and probably rehab. Yukino was probably looking forward to a family clinic and blood tests, detox, and alcohol treatment program. I don’t envy her near future.

I knew where Yui lives so I got a taxi and took her there, splitting with Haruno to deal with her sister at home.

Yui’s mother was a nurse and answered the door after a few minutes wait. She didn’t recognize me, since we’ve never met, but she looked suspicious at my eyes. People still do that. I apologized and made sure she knew who’d rescued her daughter from an embarrassing situation. She closed the door in my face and I walked home, a few blocks away.

“Why do you smell like vomit? And have glitter on your coat?” asked my sister, who was awake for some reason when I got home. I heard my parents snoring in their room, so we were being quiet.

“I found Yui. She was in a bad way, drunk. I got her home. I think her mother probably blames me without knowing who I am.”

“She would be right.”

“I suppose so. Imagine if I’d settled for the nice girl? How happy would either of us have been, and for how long before we broke up or divorced? A year? Less?”

“And how would Yukino have coped, knowing I’d chosen Yui instead her? Wouldn’t she be wracked by self-hatred for being too skinny, too mean to get a man from even the lowest of losers from Soubu?” Komachi made a face.

“You just won the book prize.”

“Sure NOW. But this was then. I hadn’t written anything. I wasn’t going to write anything. I was looking at a life of crap jobs sweeping warehouses, making change behind counters, and dreaming of an office job with my own chair. That’s what I would have been with Yui. And I would have made her miserable and guilty.”

Komachi started to cry. I held her. Not all stories have happy endings. My loss here had led to a better life somewhere else.

“So Haruno agreed to be my official mistress so I can ask Saki to marry me and make her family happy.”

“Do they know Haruno is going to be your mistress?”

“Sort of. I think they’ll be happier without all the details. Haruno wants a baby eventually.”

“Of course she does. Nothing too gaudy, just a baby.”

“It’s a natural consequence of what we’re doing.”

“Thanks for that image, Gomi-chan. And with that I’m going to bed. I hope I don’t have weird dreams because of you.”

“Just imagine my acceptance speech on national television when they realize the opening lines of my novel is my essay Youth Is A Lie.”

And this totally happened, too.