Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: Hot Bat's Chest ❯ At Lard’s End ( Chapter 20 )

Chapter Twenty: At Lard's End

 

[The scene cuts back to the Lothlorien style bayou. The longboat with the surviving crewmembers of the Black Pearl float's towards Amy's shack. The scene cuts, and the crew is crowded inside the shack. Amy is moving around handed mugs of…coffee. Yeah. Coffee.]

 

Amy: (stopping in front of Rouge) Well, it seems Knuckles wasn't kidding…

 

Rouge: What?

 

Amy: Oh, nothing, hot stuff.

 

Rouge: Uh, I don't swing that way.

 

Amy: You will when you're done drinking what's in that mug.

 

[As Rouge spits out her drink, Amy moves towards Sonic.]

 

Amy: Such a shame, isn't it? With the Pearl, you might have been able to stop Big the Cat and save your father from an eternity of servitude.

 

Sonic: Doesn't matter anymore…I'm too depressed to care.

 

[Amy leans in towards Sonic.]

 

Amy: (smiling) I could make you very happy…

 

Sonic: (jumps back) JESUS CHRIST! Don't smile! EVER!

 

Boris: Ah, Comrade Captain…what will the world be like without you?

 

Arthas: Aye, he was a man's man…and there is no hidden sexual subtext to that, Boris, and you can stop looking for the gay reference in there in an attempt to shove your own sexual insecurities on me!

 

Boris: I miss the Comrade Captain too much to even call you a pansy, pansy.

 

Arthas: That's okay. I know that you'd say it any other time.

 

Boris: A toast. To Knuckles!

 

Megabyte: There will never be another like Captain Knuckles the Echidna.

 

Cervantes: Arr arr arr arr arr, arr arr. Arr arr.

 

Rouge: He was a good echidna.

 

[Everyone takes a sip from their mugs, except Rouge. Everyone ends up spitting the drink back out anyways.]

 

Sonic: If there was anything we could do to bring him back…

 

Amy: Would you? Would you do it? Would any of you be willing to do it? Would you be willing to sail to the ends of the earth to save Knuckles and the Black Pearl?

 

[The crewmembers pause as they think it over.]

 

Boris: For Comrade Captain, anything.

 

Arthas: Aye.

 

Megabyte: Aye.

 

Cervantes: Arr.

 

[Gordon Freeman nods in approval.]

 

Rouge: Yes.

 

Sonic: Aye.

 

Amy: Oh, this is gonna be so fun! Well, if you intend to travel to odd locales, the weird shores, and the expensive restaurants at world's end, you will need a captain who knows those shores, and the right amount to tip.

 

[The camera cuts to stairs at the back of Amy's shack. Large black boots descend the stairs. The camera cuts back to main cast as they look towards the boots. Shock registers on their faces. The camera spins to the boots, as the undead monkey runs over to them, the camera then pans up as it follows the monkey as it clambers up. The boots' owner turns his face to the camera. It's Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik!]

 

Eggman: So tell me, what's happened to my lard?

 

[He takes a bite out of a slab of lard. Lard juices dribble down his chin. Eggman cackles. The scene cuts to black and the freaking movie ends. Just like that. Seriously, what the hell is up with that?]

 

John Madden: And that's where you see that the movie ended. If we can go back into play-by-play, we can see that right here is where the plotline started to fall apart, and then on that next act, he got some excellent penetration. And what's up with that girl's chest? Is that legal? I think the refs missed that one. I mean, here she just rams it into that opening. Come on! What a play! That's how you win in a game of football! You get some deep penetration, and you score more than the other team!

 

[Who the fuck let Madden into the studio?]

 

John Madden: Insane penetration! They're gonna be feeling that for weeks! Giant meathooks! MEAT!

 

[Uhh…security! Help!]

 

John Madden: Just grab that ball by the skin and huff it into a hole until those large guys can't take it anymore! Penetration is what it's all about! BAM! Penetration! BAM! TOUGH ACTIN' PENETRATION!

 

[GET HIM OUT OF THE STUDIO!]

 

Madden: (fading into distance) Just gotta slam it into whatever opening you can find!

 

[Oh, thank God. The scene fades into the credits. They scroll by as the audience vainly attempts to peel their feet from the sticky theater floor while avoiding the popcorn being hurled at the screen by those less than satisfied by the end. Eventually, feet are unstuck and everyone is free to go home.]

 

~~~The End~~~

 

 

{Author's Note: Well, that was parody of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest”. I hope you enjoyed, and at least got a few good laughs out of it. If you want to, reviews are always appreciated. I'd like to give thanks to my cousin, for being a good editor/guy-who-mercilessly-criticizes-every-error-he-finds (and for helping me come up with a title). Thanks to a college buddy for telling me that I was dumbass, and that it was cursed Aztec gold, not Inca gold. Also, thanks go out to a certain female friend of mine for catching an error in Knuckles' lengthy diatribe on sex. Any ensuing nightmares you may have were made possible by these people. And for those of you were wondering, a “squib” isn't a nautical term at all, though it sounds like it should be one. Thanks for reading!}

 

~~~The End~~~