Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: Hot Bat's Chest ❯ The Hat is Back ( Chapter 19 )

Chapter Nineteen: The Hat is Back

 

[Right. We're back. The bullet finally hits the barrels, and the whole contraption explodes violently. The tentacles whip around, some on fire, some burned to the bone, etc. A horrible moaning sound echoes across the ocean, and the tentacles slide back underwater.]

 

Knuckles: (flat and emotionless) Whoa.

 

Arthas: Is it dead?

 

Boris: No, Comrade Pansy, it's just angry. Comrade Captain, what are your orders?

 

Knuckles: Abandon ship! Into the longboat!

 

Rouge: But there's only one boat! We can't fit the whole crew.

 

Knuckles: Hey, Tits McGee, look around you. There's like, only eight of us left.

 

[Rouge looks around the now empty ship.]

 

Rouge: Wow, Boris was right.

 

Knuckles: Now, into the boat!

 

Boris: But…the Pearl!

 

Knuckles: She's only a boat! We have to save Rouge's chest!

 

Sonic: Excuse me?

 

Knuckles: What?

 

Sonic: You just keep pushing the envelope…

 

Megabyte: Has anyone seen just how much water there is between us and land?

 

Cervantes: Arr.

 

Megabyte: What he said.

 

Boris: Either we abandon ship, or we abandon hope! Let's move!

 

[The remaining crew starts tossing rifles, swords and other stuff on the last boat. Knuckles wanders off to say goodbye to his ship. Rouge approaches him.]

 

Rouge: Thanks, Knuckles. You did something honorable.

 

Knuckles: Well, we're not out of this mess yet.

 

Rouge: I knew you'd prove yourself to be an honorable echidna…

 

[Rouge pulls up against Knuckles in this really passionate kiss. I mean, she's like, grinding into Knuckles, who's eyes have rolled into the back of his head. Rouge keeps grinding with sustained passion. I'm placing bets that she gets pregnant through this. Sonic, who's on the longboat, sees Rouge engaging in an act that is illegal in most Arab countries with Knuckles. His jaw drops. The kiss is interrupted by the sound of clanking metal. Rouge has handcuffed Knuckles.]

 

Knuckles: I always knew you liked the kinky stuff…

 

[Rouge steps back, breathing heavily, and the camera reveals that the handcuff is chained to the ship.]

 

Rouge: Oh, Knuckles, it's not after the ship. It's after you. This is the only way for us to get out al…whoa.

 

Knuckles: (smiling) Told you I wielded a mighty blade…

 

[Rouge leans in (and low) as if to handle said blade, but she withdraws at the last second and runs to the longboat.]

 

Knuckles: Hey! Don't leave me like this! Something needs to be done about this condition! At least chain the other hand instead! Come on, I can't do this with Lefty! I need Righty!

 

[Rouge clambers into the longboat.]

 

Sonic: Where's Knuckles?

 

Rouge: He decided to stay behind to give us a chance.

 

[The crew is dumbfounded.]

 

Arthas: Wait…you mean Knuckles is willingly sacrificing himself to save us?

 

Rouge: Uhh, yes.

 

Arthas: Astonishing.

 

Rouge: Well, start rowing!

 

[The longboat casts off and starts moving away from the Black Pearl. The scene cuts back to Knuckles, who's struggling with the handcuff.]

 

Knuckles: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Damn whore!

 

[The Black Pearl begins to tilt at a sharp angle. Somehow or other, Knuckles manages to grab a lantern and smash it over the manacle/cuff thingy.]

 

Knuckles: OW! Glass in the skin! Kerosene in the wound! Not good!

 

[Knuckles struggles some more with the handcuff and finally slides his hand out.]

 

Knuckles: Mmm…lubrication. What can't it do?

 

[Behind Knuckles, the main body of the Kraken (o. d. b.) rises out of the water, looking suspiciously like the aquatic brother of the Sarlacc. Knuckles slowly turns to face the gaping, toothed mouth of the beast. It roars, covering Knuckles with something we dearly pray and hope is mucus. Knuckles looks down and notices that his hat from way earlier in the film has also been spit back up.]

 

Knuckles: (grabbing his hat) Hey, I've been looking for this…

 

[Knuckles pulls out his sword and dramatically stares down the mouth of the Kraken (ominous drum beat). The monster slides towards him, jaws opened wide.]

 

Knuckles: Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

 

[The scene cuts to the deck of the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction. Big watches as the Black Pearl is pulled underwater by the tentacles.]

 

Big the Cat: Oh-ho-ho! Our debt is settled Knuckles!

 

Kerrigan: The captain has gone down with his ship. Not even Knuckles the Echidna can beat the devil.

 

Big: Hmm…bring me the chest. I need to see it.

 

[A random crewmember brings the chest, and Big the Cat opens it. His face trembles. The camera cuts to an overhead shot, showing the empty chest. The camera starts to zoom out.]

 

Big: FUCK YOU, KNUCKLES THE ECHIDNA!

 

[The scene cuts to the headquarters of the East India Trading Company. Shadow is sitting behind his deck and some lackey is talking to him.]

 

Some Lackey: The last of our ships has returned.

 

Shadow: Is there any news on either of the chests?

 

Some Lackey: No sir…both seem to have vanished off the face of the earth.

 

Shadow: Most disappointing.

 

Some Lackey: However, one of our ships did pick up someone adrift at sea who had these.

 

[Some Lackey throws the Letters of Marque onto Shadow's desk. Shadow opens the first one, reads it over and looks up at Tails, who's been in the room the whole time.]

 

Tails: You'll notice that I filled my name in on that Letter of Marque.

 

Shadow: Indeed I have noticed. If you want these, then you must have something to trade with me. Do you have the compass?

 

Tails: Something better.

 

Shadow: Rouge?

 

Tails: Well, maybe not that good.

 

Shadow: Oh.

 

[Tails tosses a bag onto Shadow's desk. Shadow leans forward.]

 

Bag: (heartbeat)

 

Tails: The heart of Big the Cat.