Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: Hot Bat's Chest ❯ Ominous Drum Beat 2, Tentacles’ Revenge ( Chapter 18 )

Chapter Eighteen: Ominous Drum Beat 2, Tentacles' Revenge

 

Boris: All guns, defend the mast!

 

Sonic: It'll attack the starboard first! Roll out the guns, and await my signal to fire!

 

Arthas: Who made you captain?

 

Sonic: Hey, when Knuckles starts giving you useful commands, I'll stop telling you what to do.

 

Arthas: Fair enough.

 

[Slowly, the Kraken's (ominous drum beat) tentacles begin to slide up the ship. Its suction cups are like…suctioning onto the side of the ship, and it just looks plain gross.]

 

Sonic: Hold your fire…

 

Rouge: Sonic, are you sure you know what you're doing?

 

Sonic: Hold…hold…

 

[The tentacles creep higher and higher on the ship, and according to the script, start “feeling” the ship. So, our aquatic monster is giving the Black Pearl a reach around, or something.]

 

Megabyte: Do you want us to shoot now, or after we die?

 

Sonic: FIRE!

 

[The cannons of the Black Pearl roar to life, and blast some of the tentacles to shreds. A horrible moaning sounds fills the air, and the tentacles slide back underwater. The crew cheers.]

 

Sonic: It'll be back…we're going to have to get off the ship.

 

Rouge: Uh…there's no boats.

 

[Sonic turns to look at all the smashed longboats.]

 

Sonic: Someone explain to me how every boat got smashed, when the tentacles didn't even touch us.

 

Boris: Eh. Makes this more dramatic, I guess.

 

Sonic: Great. No boats. Alright, well…put all the gunpowder into the net in the cargo hold.

 

[Sonic hands Rouge a rifle.]

 

Sonic: Don't miss.

 

Rouge: I don't even know what the plan is…

 

Sonic: Oh, it's quite simple. We'll load the net with gunpowder, and host it up. The Kr…the beast will try to attack it and then we'll shoot and blow up its tentacles.

 

Rouge: Yeah, I can't see how that could possibly not work…

 

[The camera cuts to the interior of the Black Pearl, where the crew is loading the barrels of gunpowder into the net.]

 

Boris: Comrade Sonic, we don't have enough gunpowder!

 

Sonic: Well, then load all the booze!

 

[Dead silence falls over the ship.]

 

Arthas: The booze? I'd rather die!

 

Crew: Aye!

 

Boris: It's the either the rum or giant tentacles will rape you in the butt. Make your choice.

 

[The crew stays still.]

 

Boris: Rouge will have sex with all of you if that rum goes in the net.

 

[The crew springs into action.]

 

Rouge: What did you just promise them?

 

Boris: Doesn't matter. They're all extras. They won't survive this movie.

 

Rouge: Ah. Though it is nice to know that I can motivate men like that…

 

Boris: After you've been at sea for several months, a female walrus could get you going.

 

[The camera does a scenic pan past the Black Pearl to a lone rowboat moving away from the ship. Knuckles is trying to row back to…(whispery voice) The Island. He looks at the Black Pearl, tentacles starting to slide up the sides again, and then pulls out his compass. He looks at it and then looks back at the Pearl. Meanwhile, on the Black Pearl, Rouge runs to the railing and sees Knuckles rowing away.]

 

Rouge: Ooh, you coward.

 

[The entire ship lurches.]

 

Arthas: That cannot be good…

 

[The tentacles rise up the side of the ship again.]

 

Sonic: Hoist up that powder and rum!

 

Boris: HEAVE!

 

[Sonic jumps onto the cargo net as the crew begins to hoist it. Tentacles start crashing into various parts of the ship, carrying off screaming extras.]

 

Extras: (screaming)

 

Sonic: Hey! Ugly! You with the tentacles! I'm over here! Come and get me!

 

[The tentacles start trying to grab Sonic, but he deftly knocks them away with his sword. However, his foot gets caught in the net.]

 

Sonic: Rouge, shoot already!

 

[Rouge hesitates for a second. A tentacle wraps around her foot, and starts to drag her overboard. Cervantes hacks off the end of the tentacles, which slides back into the water, leaving Rouge on the deck.]

 

Megabyte: Now, why would you go and do that, you moron? Haven't you learned anything? Hot babe plus tentacles equals quality fapping material. And now you just ruined it.

 

Cervantes: (deeply sorry) Arr.

 

Megabyte: It's okay, there will be other times.

 

Rouge: Enough with the tentacle rape jokes! Real life isn't like that!

 

Megabyte: And I bet you're more disappointed about that than any of us.

 

Rouge: What?

 

Megabyte: Nothing.

 

[As Rouge gets back to her feet, someone else grabs the rifle and tries to shoot, but they're dragged overboard. The rifle goes flying across the deck. Rouge runs towards it just as the ship jumps, knocking her to the ground. She reaches for the rifle, but someone's foot steps on it. Rouge looks up to see…somebody who is totally invisible because the director went overboard with the lens flare effect.]

 

Rouge: Knuckles?

 

Knuckles: Aye! And now it's time to kick some ass, “Matrix” style! SLOW MOTION GO!

 

[The scene starts to go slow-mo. Sonic cuts the rope he was stuck on and falls to the deck. The camera spins around Knuckles and he pulls the trigger. The bullet slowly streaks across the sky. And I do mean “slowly”; now would be a good time for a bathroom break. I'll call you when something actually happens.]