D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ A Game of Poker ❯ Morning After ( Chapter 27 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Bookkbaby84 
Anime/Manga: D. Gray-man Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 11.07.2009 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.7K | Visits: 359 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: D. Gray-man Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 11.07.2009 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.7K | Visits: 359 | Status: Work In Progress
Warnings: YAOI, which means BOYS LOVING BOYS. If you dislike that, then the back button is easy enough to find. Please click that and leave. Limes are in the future, and lemons. Maybe some OOC, spoilers for the end of the anime later on.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these lovely characters, that honor belongs to Katsura Hoshino. (Though if Hoshino-sama ever has a sale, I call dibs on Tyki… what?) I don’t own anything but a copy of the anime series and all volumes of the manga in English. Anything you don’t recognize (like the plotline of ‘A Game of Poker’) does belong to me. Everything else… not so much. Please don’t sue.
Kudos to the awesome SisterWicked of AssHat Productions (a group I am now a proud member of), who got me started on Lucky and lets me use 'lovely'! Beta’d by N.H. Arawn and Misster Cackles! All remaining mistakes are mine.
Dedicated in part to Meester Aytch for the epically long and awesome review!
Last Time On ‘A Game Of Poker’:
"I thought we might pay him and his little friends a visit sometime in the future," the large man remarked, voice once again pleasant. All four Noah looked towards the Earl, stunned.
Road was the first to get over the surprise. She laid her dagger in her lap and clapped her hands together a few times, grinning widely.
"When do we leave?" she asked excitedly. The Earl chuckled.
"Soon, my dear, as soon as the preparations are complete."
And Now, The Continuation
Chapter 27
Morning After
Lavi awoke slowly, sleep clinging to him for several long moments as he slowly became aware of his surroundings.
He sighed in sleepy contentment at the heat embracing him, eyes falling shut again as he listened to the soothing rhythm of a heartbeat beneath his ear. Somehow, he and Tyki had ended up in the same position as they had been the morning before. Tyki's breath moved through Lavi's hair and the man had one arm draped across the redhead's waist. Lavi lay half-curled on the older man's chest, ear pressed over the Noah's heart.
He just lay there for several heartbeats, letting his eyes stay closed so he could enjoy the moment just a little longer. He inhaled deeply through his nose, taking in Tyki's scent, and then exhaled through his mouth. His breathing shuddered and Tyki shifted, seemingly in response. Lavi tensed, opening his eyes and craning his neck at an almost painful angle to see if the older man had woken up.
He hadn't.
Lavi smiled thinly and slowly moved away, lifting himself up and off the other's body. Tyki shifted and Lavi froze again, watching the man closely for any signs of wakefulness. When Tyki simply settled down on his side, Lavi breathed again and continued slipping out of the Noah's hold. He placed one bare foot on the floor and shifted his weight from the mattress to the stone. When both feet had touched down, he stopped and just stared at the man sleeping peacefully in bed.
Tyki looked so calm, so unworried. Lavi wished he could join the man in blissful oblivion once more, but his time was up.
He tore his eyes from the Noah and glanced towards the window. The gray light of predawn was visible through the glass, meaning he would need to leave now to adhere to Bookman's order.
With one last glance towards the bed, he set about getting dressed. The sunrise wouldn't wait for him, as much as he would wish it to.
Line Break
Tyki's eyes fluttered open, consciousness returning slowly. He smiled softly, shifting a bit in bed.
Lavi had stayed last night and had hopefully stayed through until now, making this their first real 'morning after'. Sleepily, Tyki focused on his senses, too tired to open his eyes yet and wanting to know where the redhead was. He couldn't feel the warm weight he expected next to him and so reached out with his hand sleepily, blearily trying to find Lavi.
Nothing. No warmth, no smooth skin, nothing.
His eyes opened fully and he shifted, groggily pushing himself up to look around. There was a bitter feeling beginning to grow in his chest, thinly coating the crushing, cold sensation that grew alongside it. Had Lavi really left him to wake up alone again...?
His eyes landed on a figure standing in the middle of the floor, shirt halfway on. Tyki let out a soft sigh that was covered by the quiet rustle of cloth as Lavi finished pulling on his shirt. The redhead's back was to the Noah, so he didn't notice when Tyki slipped quietly out of bed and padded across the stone to stand just behind Lavi. The Exorcist stilled, most likely sensing the heat the older man's body gave off.
"You're leaving," Tyki said, tone resigned. "Why so early?"
Lavi didn't turn around to face him. He glanced down and to the side, crossing his arms over his chest and holding his upper arms. His shoulders tensed. Tyki's eyebrows drew together in slight concern.
"Lavi?"
"I need to get back to my room," Lavi replied, voice wavering almost unnoticeably. The Noah doubted he would have heard it if he hadn't known the redhead as long as he had. "Bookman wasn't... pleased when he found out where I had been."
Something in the Exorcist's tone sent a sharp pang of unease through Tyki. Lavi's stance wasn't helping his unease either. He lifted a hand to lay on Lavi's shoulder, but the redhead tensed further and Tyki dropped the hand. There was a faint stirring of anger shooting through the unease now and his eyes narrowed slightly.
"Well then, if Bookman says so..." He let the sentence hang and lifted his hand again. This time he placed it on Lavi's shoulder, moving his other hand to the redhead's hip and pulling Lavi back against his body. He ignored the way the Exorcist shrunk in on himself, Tyki’s concern and unease growing along with his anger. "Will I see you tonight?"
Lavi didn't reply, though he did begin to tremble. If Tyki hadn't been pressed so close to the redhead, he never would have noticed. As it was, it took him a moment to realize. His anger faded rapidly and he tightened his hold, bringing his arms across the front of the Exorcist's body.
Lavi's hands released their grip and his elbows shot out, instantly freeing him from the older man's embrace. Tyki stared in shock as Lavi stumbled forward three steps, moving out of reach of Tyki's arms. He reached into his pants pocket with one shaking hand and pulled out his eyepatch. He quickly tied it around his head and then straightened up, taking in a deep breath as if to steel himself.
Tyki felt frozen in place. There seemed to be an ominous air around the redhead and he didn't like it at all. Nothing good could come of the Exorcist's long silence and he suddenly hoped that Lavi wouldn't speak.
"I'm not coming back," Lavi said. His words were quiet and heavy, almost echoing. Lavi was resigned but determined, the note of finality in his tone indicating that the redhead had already accepted what he was saying.
"You're not coming back tonight?" Tyki asked, knowing what he had heard in the other's voice and refusing to believe it. Lavi couldn't just leave.
Suddenly, the redhead's desperate, needy behavior the night before made chilling, sickening sense.
Lavi shook his head. Tyki didn't need to hear the next words from the redhead's lips to understand his meaning.
"I'm not coming back. Last night was... was it. That's all. The end," Lavi said, voice gradually becoming more and more flat and dull. Finally, he turned around. His green eye was just as dull as his tone, so lifeless it might have belonged to a doll. "We're done with this, whatever 'this' was."
Tyki couldn't find his voice. It seemed stuck in the back of his throat somehow, unable to convey the jumbled up mess currently passing for thought from his brain to his mouth. Every bit of him was screaming in denial and he couldn't even find the words to reject what was happening.
Lavi turned away, heading stiffly for the door. Tyki suddenly found his voice and he took one step forward.
"Is Bookman making you do this?"
Lavi's steps halted for a fraction of a second and he shook his head.
"No. I decided on my own," Lavi said, laying one hand on the doorknob. "I knew this wasn't going to last long. I guess I just got sick of sleeping with the enemy before you did. It's not like you gave me anything I couldn't find somewhere else with less hassle."
The words hit Tyki like a slap in the face. His eyes widened further and his lungs froze, refusing to take in or expel air. He was too stunned to react as Lavi left without a backwards glance, closing the door with the very final sounding 'thud' behind him.
Tyki was left staring blankly at the door, a sudden sense of loss rippling through him. The feeling originated in his chest, where he knew his heart to be, and spread outward from there until he was numb from his fingertips to his toes.
Realization followed shortly after.
He turned from the door, one hand slowly going to his chest as if trying to figure out why his heart was reacting so strangely. He had never been affected by leaving a partner before. He had always done the leaving, but even so he didn't think a simple role reversal was enough to send this empty, painful feeling flooding through him.
He had never been left before. Lavi had just left him. He had never shared his bed with another person while asleep. He had shared it with Lavi. He had never asked anyone to stay with him. He had asked Lavi; he had been more than happy to ask Lavi.
This... had gone deeper than simple affection. It was deeper and more complicated than 'like'.
But it wasn't - couldn't be - /that/. It just wasn't.
Even if it was possible, whatever this 'more-than-like' could have turned in to was gone. Lavi was never coming back, he had said so himself.
But maybe there was a slight chance - just a tiny possibility - that... maybe Tyki did feel that way.
He put a hand to his face, covering his eyes as he chuckled bitterly.
What the hell had he done?
Line Break
Lavi bowed his head as he walked along the hallways, stepping quickly as if racing the slowly-rising sun. Bookman wanted him back by dawn.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into tight fists as he walked, feeling his nails dig into his palms. He wanted so badly to blame Bookman for this, but it wasn't the old man's fault, not really. Lavi had known the rules going into this and had known he would have to let it go eventually. He just hadn't counted on his heart becoming so involved and that had turned out to be a major mistake.
His final words to Tyki haunted him, even though he knew they had been necessary. If he had told the truth and told the older man that Bookman was the reason he could no longer be with him - or if he had hinted that he wanted to stay - Tyki would probably try and convince him to continue seeing him in secret. Perhaps he would try and convince Lavi to slip out from meals to see him for a quick tussle between the sheets, or maybe the Noah would ask him to stop by after Bookman fell asleep so they could draw out the encounter. In any case, Lavi knew he couldn't let Tyki try to ask him anything.
He would have caved. His resolve would have crumbled and he would have begun sneaking down to see Tyki against the direct order of his mentor. His desire for the Noah had grown that intense and he knew he couldn't trust himself unless he somehow ensured that Tyki wouldn't ask him to bed again.
Even if it meant telling one of the most hurtful lies he had ever uttered.
What he had had with Tyki was something he was fairly certain he would never experience again. He didn't even want to, not with anyone else.
All he wanted was Tyki and he couldn't even continue their trysts any longer.
He had nothing now, nothing except for the knowledge that he had kept his word to Bookman. As promised, he had said goodbye to Tyki before dawn.
Somehow, the thought failed to comfort him.
Line Break
Bookman sat at his desk, staring blankly at the sheet of paper on the desk before him. His eyelids were heavy from lack of sleep - he doubted he had managed more than three hours from various naps he had managed to take during the night after Lavi had left. Three hours of interrupted sleep was not enough to allow his brain to function at peak efficiency, but he could no longer sleep.
It was just past dawn and Lavi had yet to arrive. Still, so long as the boy arrived soon, Bookman would not penalize him for lateness.
As though summoned by his thoughts, he heard quiet footsteps approaching his door. From the sound of the steps, Bookman knew it was probably Lavi. Besides, he doubted anyone else would be approaching his door so early in the morning.
He put his pen down, abandoning the still-clean sheet of paper, and turned towards the door. He waited, staring silently at the door as he waited for it to open.
He had been gracious enough to the boy, hadn't he? One more night was extremely generous of him, especially considering that he could already see that Lavi's heart was invested in his dealings with the Noah, Tyki Mikk. He could have stopped it last night, after he had first had proof, but he had allowed his apprentice one more night to use as he pleased. Surely Lavi would see that and come back.
He was not disappointed. Slowly, the doorknob turned and the door was slowly pushed open. Bookman watched attentively, muscles going slightly tense.
The redhead stepped through, gaze to the floor. The young man looked up only briefly as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him, shooting a glance towards the bed he expected to see Bookman resting in.
Bookman cleared his throat, bringing Lavi's attention to him in an instant. For a moment their eyes connected, and in that second Bookman could see just how vulnerable his apprentice was at the moment.
None of Lavi's usual masks - masks necessary as a Bookman - were in place. The redhead seemed utterly naked, his visible eye dark and heavy with exhaustion and pain. There was emptiness and loss, both emotions nearly overwhelming in their scope. For a moment, Bookman's mind froze as he registered the various emotions now plaguing his apprentice. He couldn't speak. Of all the things he had expected, he had not expected this. Lavi's heart had been more involved than he had thought. The emotions he had cautioned the boy against feeling or entertaining for any amount of time had apparently taken root, and taken root deeply.
Had he made a mistake? Had he been too slow in stopping Lavi's relationship with the Noah?
The redhead's expression clouded over, eyes turning cold and, on the surface, emotionless. Bookman, however, had had a lifetime of seeing through the fronts others put on and he was well-acquainted enough with Lavi to see that the pain continued beneath the imperfect mask.
Lavi straightened up, folding his arms behind his back and focusing his gaze on a point just above Bookman's ear. The redhead didn't meet his mentor's gaze.
"I've cut off my relations with the Noah," Lavi said, voice just slightly choked. "I will not contact him again."
Bookman could see his apprentice trembling and turned his eyes away. He turned back to his desk, picking up his pen and looking down at the paper before him so he wouldn't have to watch Lavi struggle to hold himself together.
"Good. Be sure you avoid such things in the future," Bookman told him dully, duty providing him with words. "Go and get cleaned up and changed, then get something to eat. When you are finished, report to the library. We're reorganizing it for the next two weeks."
"Understood." Lavi's voice was quiet, almost as if he could barely force himself to speak.
The sound of footsteps and the sound of the door opening and shutting were heard and then Bookman was alone again.
He slowly set down his pen again and let his hand drop to his side.
Lavi had seemed broken, but he was still young. Surely this pain would pass; that was the beauty of youth. Though losing whatever it was the redhead had had with the Noah had been a blow, surely Lavi would be able to get over it and begin performing his duties as an apprentice with his usual efficiency.
Bookman nodded decisively, trying to reassure himself.
Soon enough, Lavi would forget about whatever fleeting feelings he had held for the Noah.
He hadn't been too slow to prevent irreversible damage. He had to believe that.
Line Break
Reever walked through the halls, several sheets of paper clutched in one hand. His steps, unlike his usual casual stride, were quick and purposeful. Any scientist that happened to be in his path quickly moved aside, staring at the section leader for several seconds after he passed them by.
Finally, after weeks of hard work and sleepless nights, they finally had something. A prototype, one they had tested just that morning after taking a well deserved 6-hour break for a nap and a quick bite to eat.
It had worked. Not as efficiently or as well as they had hoped, but they finally had something!
He stopped outside the door to Komui's office and opened it, not bothering to knock since his superior was probably either asleep or pretending to be working. He sighed with a touch of fond exasperation as he stepped into the room and saw Komui slumped over his desk, one arm curled beneath his head. Reever shut the door behind himself and began walking towards the desk, expertly skirting the piles and piles of unfinished paperwork that always surrounded the Head of the Science Department. He moved around the desk and knelt next to the sleeping man, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. Experience had taught him that shaking Komui or shouting at him would be insufficient to wake the man up, but even the quietest whisper of a certain phrase would be sure to do the trick.
"Lenalee is getting married," Reever said in Komui's ear, then stood up and moved back to avoid being hit when the words registered in his superior's brain.
True to form, less than three seconds after he had said it, Komui's eyes shot open and he leaped to his feet, sending the chair he had been sitting on crashing to the floor. His arms flailed wildly and Reever took one more step back to avoid being hit.
"Lenalee!" he cried out, gaze quickly darting around the room for the girl. "How could you-"
He cut himself off, blinked, then slowly lowered his hands to the desk. He glanced towards the side where Reever stood, a slightly petulant expression on his face.
"There are less traumatic ways to wake me up, I'm sure," Komui mumbled, turning from Reever and picking up his chair so he could sit down at his desk. He straightened his beret and his glasses, both of which had been knocked askew by his antics a moment before, and cleared his throat in an attempt to regain some of his dignity.
"If I find a less traumatic way, I'll let you know," Reever said casually, walking back around to the front of the desk. He set the papers he carried down in front of the dark-haired man as he passed then sat down in the couch across from the desk. He relaxed into the cushions as he watched Komui pick up the papers tentatively, as though afraid they would bite.
Reever chuckled to himself. Komui probably thought the papers were more documents that urgently needed his signature. Reever watched, amused, as Komui gingerly lifted up the first sheet to read. He watched as Komui began to scan the document, then saw as the man's focus became much more intense. Within five minutes, Komui was on to the next one, a look of shock and joy on his face.
Reever waited silently for Komui to finish reading the progress report. He didn't have to wait long. Maybe ten more minutes had passed by the time Komui put down the final piece of paper and looked up, a giant, proud grin on his face.
"Excellent work," Komui said. "I thought it would take another week for even a prototype to be made, let alone tested. And it works!"
Reever nodded, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
"It doesn't work as well as we had hoped, but we should be able to make something useful out of it with some adjustments," Reever said. "The information on Innocence bullets you collected from Allen last week helped."
Komui nodded, leaning back in his chair. He had handed the Science Department all his results from the tests he had run on Allen's arm the morning after he had run said tests, after putting them in a legible format so the scientists that worked for him could actually use the information. Reever had told him that, even with the information, it would probably be a few weeks until they could get something useable. It seemed that they had had some sort of breakthrough and Komui was more than happy to learn that the Finders were that much closer to having some kind of actual protection.
"Out of curiosity, what caused the breakthrough?" he asked absently, already thinking up ways to make the design of the gun more efficient. He picked up one of the pages of Reever's report, studying the drawing and rereading the short descriptions of each part. Perhaps the centripetal force could be increased and make the bullet more concentrated... or maybe the amount of time a bullet took being formed could be extended a bit and the energy dedicated to each bullet could be increased. It would cut down on the number of bullets each Finder could fire before having to reload the guns and would make rapid-fire impossible, but each bullet would be more powerful because of it.
He looked up when he heard Reever mumble something, only to see the man with one hand placed a bit sheepishly on the back of his head. Curiosity ratcheting up several notches, Komui loosened his hold on the paper.
"I didn't catch that," he said, wondering what had his usually unflappable friend acting this way.
"Johnny had read something in one of his comics he thought might work. Lenalee hadn't brought us coffee yet and we were out of ideas, so we let him try it." Reever shrugged, dropping his hand. "Turns out it worked. I think we all nearly died from shock."
Komui stared for a moment at the blond man, stunned, then he started to chuckle. A comic book had provided his crack team of learned scientists with the breakthrough necessary to create a weapon, one capable of destroying Akuma, for normal humans. A comic book.
The brunet put one hand over his mouth, still chuckling and trying to muffle it. Reever shot him a small glare and Komui got his mirth under control. He pretended to cough once and put his hand down.
"Good work. Keep me informed," he said. Reever nodded and stood up, turning towards the door to get back to the lab. Komui watched him leave, then turned back to the report Reever had handed him.
They were that much closer to arming everyone in the Order. Komui smiled, flipping through the pages again.
Line Break
Lavi sat at a table by himself, mechanically eating his lunch. He didn't really taste his sandwich - even after a week, his food still tasted terrible. At least it tasted like cardboard now, rather than rocks. It was a step up.
The room was filled with the usual low buzz of conversation and the occasional burst of laughter. It was still the same as it had been last week. It seemed like everything was the same as it had been last week; everything except for Lavi.
The redhead knew his friends had picked up on his mood. Lenalee's looks of concern had grown more frequent and intense and she seemed to be making pointless trips to the library now to try and engage him in some sort of conversation. He hadn't exactly been cold to her, but had smiled as always and laughed when she told a funny story and was sympathetic when she talked about some sort of misfortune that had befallen someone else in the Order. He knew that he wasn't fooling her. He could no longer force his fake smiles to reach his eyes, his laughter rang false, and even his sounds of sympathy were hollow. The Chinese girl was perceptive enough to catch on and so her visits had increased in duration and frequency.
Allen was just as bad, though he hadn't tried to talk to Lavi yet. The white-haired boy would just stay by his side and help him reorganize the library, quietly radiating understanding and support. It seemed like Allen and Lenalee had worked out some sort of shift system - Lavi hadn't been alone for more than an hour in the past three days. It would have been annoying, but Lavi didn't really care. He refused to talk to them about what had happened, though he was sure that Allen at least had an inkling.
It didn't help that the rumor mill hadn't caught up to reality yet. Lavi was still hearing about how he and Tyki were supposedly together and having wild sex every night. His temper had been running higher these days - he had actually snapped yesterday at a Finder who had had the gall to ask him about it. She had been stunned and had run back to her friends, the group of three then engaging in hurried whispering as they had left. No one had approached him since.
He did feel a bit guilty about snapping at the girl, but after hearing so many people talk about what he had lost and dodging Lenalee's not-so-subtle attempts at getting him to talk about what was bothering him and being suffocated by Allen's 'understanding', he thought he had every right to be angry. Anger was better than the lost feeling he had whenever he was allowed a moment to think or whenever he saw something that reminded him of what he had lost.
He hadn't been able to sleep much and had eaten even less, though he had tried to maintain some semblance of normality. Those who hadn't known him well were fooled, but everyone he had been close to had seen right through it. The only one who hadn't tried to talk to him about it was Bookman, who knew damn well why Lavi was suddenly not himself.
The redhead amended the thought. Kanda hadn't spoken to him at all either, though Lavi had noticed that the samurai coincidently showed up with Allen and Lenalee at mealtimes more often. Kanda hadn't said a word to him yet, not even in greeting, but the Japanese teen had come back. The thought did cheer Lavi slightly, but any happiness he felt was drowned out by the loss of Tyki.
Lavi had timed his meals so that he would never be in the lunchroom when Tyki was scheduled to come up to get food. As a result, he had yet to see the Noah since their 'break-up' a little over a week ago. He still felt the loss just as keenly as he had that day, though all the marks from that encounter had faded from his body. The pleasant aches he had grown accustomed to had disappeared and his neck was once more unblemished, Tyki's mark having healed days ago.
It was like they had never been together. The memories were all Lavi had.
He put down his sandwich and picked up his drink, needing something to wash the bread and meat down with. As he poured a small amount of the liquid - milk, he had ordered milk - into his mouth, he heard footsteps approaching.
"Hey, Lavi!"
The redhead set down his glass and looked towards the direction the voice had come from, already recognizing Allen as the source. He forced a smile on to his face as Allen made his way between the tables, carrying two trays piled high with more food than most grown men ate in a day. Lenalee followed the white-haired boy and was carrying her own tray as she smiled gently back at Lavi. The third and final member of the short train was Kanda, carrying his usual tempura soba and scowling while studiously not looking at the redhead.
Allen set down his tray next to Lavi's while Lenalee and Kanda moved to the other side of the table. Lenalee took the spot across from Lavi while Kanda sat across from Allen. Without a word to the others, Kanda broke apart his chopsticks and began to eat. Lavi turned his attention back to his sandwich, picking it up with both hands.
"So, how have you been?" Lenalee asked him, picking up her knife to cut her own sandwich into halves. Lavi shrugged, looking at her and trying for his usual easy grin.
"Can't complain," he replied, though he couldn't quite meet her eyes. He took a bite of his sandwich, chewing and swallowing slowly. "You?"
"Oh, I'm all right," Lenalee replied, trying to smile back though her brow was creased with obvious concern. "How is reorganizing the library going?"
Lavi shrugged again, taking another bite of his sandwich before answering.
"You seemed to be making good progress when I was there," Allen said encouragingly, taking a large bite of a hamburger and chewing rapidly before swallowing and taking another large bite.
"It isn't going as fast as Bookman had thought. We'll be at it for at least another week," Lavi replied, letting go of his sandwich with one hand to grab his glass of milk.
Kanda snorted. Allen shot the dark-haired teen a warning look, but Kanda either ignored it or didn't see it.
"Maybe sleeping with the Noah made you stupid," he said, picking up more noodles with his chopsticks. They were the first words Kanda had said to him in a while and Lavi suddenly wished the samurai hadn't spoken.
He barely registered Lenalee's sharp intake of breath or Allen's angry 'Kanda!' as he set down his sandwich and stood to leave.
"Lavi, he didn't mean it. We don't believe the rumors, really-" Lenalee hastened to assure him, half-standing up herself to try and grab at his sleeve. Lavi smiled tightly and neatly avoided her hand while he picked up his tray and glass. She stared at him unhappily, slowly curling her fingers and setting her hand down. Lavi could sense Allen's concerned stare aimed at his side but didn't glance over.
"It's OK, Lenalee," he reassured her, smiling as brightly as he could. His smile came out tight and thin. "I'm just not hungry. See you later?"
Without waiting for an answer, he turned and started walking away as quickly as he could. He ignored the calls of his name as he moved to drop off his tray and mostly-uneaten lunch, heading for the door the moment his small burden left his hands.
He didn't turn to look at the table as he left the lunchroom, though the second he had cleared the doors he headed for the stairwell. Some of the lower floors were usually deserted and he was suddenly in desperate need of somewhere to be alone.
He was too strong to cry and as a Bookman he had been trained not to, but his eye stung something fierce and if he heard just one more thing about what he had used to have he would break down right then and there. His steps quickened and he nearly broke into a run, ignoring the surprised whispers of the people he passed and keeping his head down so no one could see the distress he knew had to be obvious on his face.
It wasn't so much what Kanda had said, since Lavi had heard worse things from people who didn't know him, but it was because Kanda had said it. Kanda was one of the first people Lavi had ever been able to call 'friend' and to hear Kanda say that was like getting a lemon juice and salt paste spread on a gaping wound.
He reached the stairwell and began to move downstairs, taking the stairs two or three at a time. Bookman always gave him an hour for meals, so it would be at least forty minutes before he would need to be in the library.
He didn't think he could face his mentor at the moment. He could feel a slight stirring of resentment and clamped down hard on it, shoving the emotion far to the back of his mind.
Lavi had known the Bookman's code. Just because Bookman had enforced it when Lavi was obviously straying wasn't a good enough reason to resent the old man, especially not after all Bookman had done for Lavi when the redhead had been a child.
It shouldn't have been a good enough reason, but Lavi couldn't help it. He did resent Bookman, though only a bit; Bookman was simply following the rules. It was impossible to not hate the code that had such stupid rules, though Lavi tried not to hate it. One day, he would be a Bookman and the code would be his to uphold and teach to the next generation.
If he wasn't going to eventually be a Bookman, then what was all this suffering for?
After all, his dream had been to be a Bookman and learn about the history of the world, to learn about things one couldn't find in a book. That dream was all he had left, even if it no longer appealed to him the way it once did.
A quiet thought crept through his mind as he finally reached a floor he was fairly certain would be free of other people.
If he was going through all of this in order to be a Bookman, maybe he didn't want to be a Bookman any more at all.
Maybe he just wanted to be 'Lavi' for the rest of his life.
Line Break
Allen watched Lavi leave the room, grey eyes wide and deep with concern. When the redhead was out of sight, he turned to Kanda, eyes narrowing in a glare. Kanda - who had also been watching the door with eyes as wide as they ever went - returned his glare with interest and then pointedly ignored Allen and continued to eat.
"I thought you were going to try and make up with Lavi!" Allen accused. Kanda didn't even look up.
"Che. I never said I would. If the stupid rabbit is going to get so worked up over a couple of rumors-"
"That was still cruel, Kanda," Lenalee said, staring down at her plate. Her quiet voice shut the Japanese Exorcist up and Kanda picked up another bite of his food.
Allen glared daggers across the table, biting his tongue on the first few phrases that came to mind. Maybe the rumors weren't just rumors - it would certainly explain a lot, but Allen wasn't about to give the Japanese asshole any more ammunition to use against their redheaded friend. Kanda could continue thinking that the rumors were just that from now until doomsday for all Allen cared.
For a moment, the white-haired boy's eyes softened. Lavi had certainly been through enough. The British Exorcist had tried to be there for the redhead and quietly coax him to speak, but the cause of Lavi's distress was still unclear. From the redhead's reaction just now, Allen was fairly certain it had something to do with Tyki or the rumors or both.
He gaze turned towards Lenalee. The Chinese girl was just picking at her food, obviously worried. Allen wanted to tell her, but he doubted she would want to hear that he thought Tyki and Lavi were together in a romantic sense. Sometimes when the Noah was mentioned, her gaze would turn distant and fearful - Allen didn't think she would take the news well and Lavi hardly needed to lose another friend.
Allen sighed to himself and, with one last glare at the oblivious samurai sitting across from him, he turned back to his lunch. It didn't taste quite as well as it had minutes ago, but Jerry was still an excellent cook and Allen managed to eat the ungodly amount of food he had ordered.
He would have to talk to Lavi and get to the bottom of this once and for all. For Lavi's sake.
TBC…
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! The next one should be posted soon.
Please review if you’re planning on Favoriting!
Disclaimer: I don’t own these lovely characters, that honor belongs to Katsura Hoshino. (Though if Hoshino-sama ever has a sale, I call dibs on Tyki… what?) I don’t own anything but a copy of the anime series and all volumes of the manga in English. Anything you don’t recognize (like the plotline of ‘A Game of Poker’) does belong to me. Everything else… not so much. Please don’t sue.
Kudos to the awesome SisterWicked of AssHat Productions (a group I am now a proud member of), who got me started on Lucky and lets me use 'lovely'! Beta’d by N.H. Arawn and Misster Cackles! All remaining mistakes are mine.
Dedicated in part to Meester Aytch for the epically long and awesome review!
Last Time On ‘A Game Of Poker’:
"I thought we might pay him and his little friends a visit sometime in the future," the large man remarked, voice once again pleasant. All four Noah looked towards the Earl, stunned.
Road was the first to get over the surprise. She laid her dagger in her lap and clapped her hands together a few times, grinning widely.
"When do we leave?" she asked excitedly. The Earl chuckled.
"Soon, my dear, as soon as the preparations are complete."
And Now, The Continuation
Chapter 27
Morning After
Lavi awoke slowly, sleep clinging to him for several long moments as he slowly became aware of his surroundings.
He sighed in sleepy contentment at the heat embracing him, eyes falling shut again as he listened to the soothing rhythm of a heartbeat beneath his ear. Somehow, he and Tyki had ended up in the same position as they had been the morning before. Tyki's breath moved through Lavi's hair and the man had one arm draped across the redhead's waist. Lavi lay half-curled on the older man's chest, ear pressed over the Noah's heart.
He just lay there for several heartbeats, letting his eyes stay closed so he could enjoy the moment just a little longer. He inhaled deeply through his nose, taking in Tyki's scent, and then exhaled through his mouth. His breathing shuddered and Tyki shifted, seemingly in response. Lavi tensed, opening his eyes and craning his neck at an almost painful angle to see if the older man had woken up.
He hadn't.
Lavi smiled thinly and slowly moved away, lifting himself up and off the other's body. Tyki shifted and Lavi froze again, watching the man closely for any signs of wakefulness. When Tyki simply settled down on his side, Lavi breathed again and continued slipping out of the Noah's hold. He placed one bare foot on the floor and shifted his weight from the mattress to the stone. When both feet had touched down, he stopped and just stared at the man sleeping peacefully in bed.
Tyki looked so calm, so unworried. Lavi wished he could join the man in blissful oblivion once more, but his time was up.
He tore his eyes from the Noah and glanced towards the window. The gray light of predawn was visible through the glass, meaning he would need to leave now to adhere to Bookman's order.
With one last glance towards the bed, he set about getting dressed. The sunrise wouldn't wait for him, as much as he would wish it to.
Line Break
Tyki's eyes fluttered open, consciousness returning slowly. He smiled softly, shifting a bit in bed.
Lavi had stayed last night and had hopefully stayed through until now, making this their first real 'morning after'. Sleepily, Tyki focused on his senses, too tired to open his eyes yet and wanting to know where the redhead was. He couldn't feel the warm weight he expected next to him and so reached out with his hand sleepily, blearily trying to find Lavi.
Nothing. No warmth, no smooth skin, nothing.
His eyes opened fully and he shifted, groggily pushing himself up to look around. There was a bitter feeling beginning to grow in his chest, thinly coating the crushing, cold sensation that grew alongside it. Had Lavi really left him to wake up alone again...?
His eyes landed on a figure standing in the middle of the floor, shirt halfway on. Tyki let out a soft sigh that was covered by the quiet rustle of cloth as Lavi finished pulling on his shirt. The redhead's back was to the Noah, so he didn't notice when Tyki slipped quietly out of bed and padded across the stone to stand just behind Lavi. The Exorcist stilled, most likely sensing the heat the older man's body gave off.
"You're leaving," Tyki said, tone resigned. "Why so early?"
Lavi didn't turn around to face him. He glanced down and to the side, crossing his arms over his chest and holding his upper arms. His shoulders tensed. Tyki's eyebrows drew together in slight concern.
"Lavi?"
"I need to get back to my room," Lavi replied, voice wavering almost unnoticeably. The Noah doubted he would have heard it if he hadn't known the redhead as long as he had. "Bookman wasn't... pleased when he found out where I had been."
Something in the Exorcist's tone sent a sharp pang of unease through Tyki. Lavi's stance wasn't helping his unease either. He lifted a hand to lay on Lavi's shoulder, but the redhead tensed further and Tyki dropped the hand. There was a faint stirring of anger shooting through the unease now and his eyes narrowed slightly.
"Well then, if Bookman says so..." He let the sentence hang and lifted his hand again. This time he placed it on Lavi's shoulder, moving his other hand to the redhead's hip and pulling Lavi back against his body. He ignored the way the Exorcist shrunk in on himself, Tyki’s concern and unease growing along with his anger. "Will I see you tonight?"
Lavi didn't reply, though he did begin to tremble. If Tyki hadn't been pressed so close to the redhead, he never would have noticed. As it was, it took him a moment to realize. His anger faded rapidly and he tightened his hold, bringing his arms across the front of the Exorcist's body.
Lavi's hands released their grip and his elbows shot out, instantly freeing him from the older man's embrace. Tyki stared in shock as Lavi stumbled forward three steps, moving out of reach of Tyki's arms. He reached into his pants pocket with one shaking hand and pulled out his eyepatch. He quickly tied it around his head and then straightened up, taking in a deep breath as if to steel himself.
Tyki felt frozen in place. There seemed to be an ominous air around the redhead and he didn't like it at all. Nothing good could come of the Exorcist's long silence and he suddenly hoped that Lavi wouldn't speak.
"I'm not coming back," Lavi said. His words were quiet and heavy, almost echoing. Lavi was resigned but determined, the note of finality in his tone indicating that the redhead had already accepted what he was saying.
"You're not coming back tonight?" Tyki asked, knowing what he had heard in the other's voice and refusing to believe it. Lavi couldn't just leave.
Suddenly, the redhead's desperate, needy behavior the night before made chilling, sickening sense.
Lavi shook his head. Tyki didn't need to hear the next words from the redhead's lips to understand his meaning.
"I'm not coming back. Last night was... was it. That's all. The end," Lavi said, voice gradually becoming more and more flat and dull. Finally, he turned around. His green eye was just as dull as his tone, so lifeless it might have belonged to a doll. "We're done with this, whatever 'this' was."
Tyki couldn't find his voice. It seemed stuck in the back of his throat somehow, unable to convey the jumbled up mess currently passing for thought from his brain to his mouth. Every bit of him was screaming in denial and he couldn't even find the words to reject what was happening.
Lavi turned away, heading stiffly for the door. Tyki suddenly found his voice and he took one step forward.
"Is Bookman making you do this?"
Lavi's steps halted for a fraction of a second and he shook his head.
"No. I decided on my own," Lavi said, laying one hand on the doorknob. "I knew this wasn't going to last long. I guess I just got sick of sleeping with the enemy before you did. It's not like you gave me anything I couldn't find somewhere else with less hassle."
The words hit Tyki like a slap in the face. His eyes widened further and his lungs froze, refusing to take in or expel air. He was too stunned to react as Lavi left without a backwards glance, closing the door with the very final sounding 'thud' behind him.
Tyki was left staring blankly at the door, a sudden sense of loss rippling through him. The feeling originated in his chest, where he knew his heart to be, and spread outward from there until he was numb from his fingertips to his toes.
Realization followed shortly after.
He turned from the door, one hand slowly going to his chest as if trying to figure out why his heart was reacting so strangely. He had never been affected by leaving a partner before. He had always done the leaving, but even so he didn't think a simple role reversal was enough to send this empty, painful feeling flooding through him.
He had never been left before. Lavi had just left him. He had never shared his bed with another person while asleep. He had shared it with Lavi. He had never asked anyone to stay with him. He had asked Lavi; he had been more than happy to ask Lavi.
This... had gone deeper than simple affection. It was deeper and more complicated than 'like'.
But it wasn't - couldn't be - /that/. It just wasn't.
Even if it was possible, whatever this 'more-than-like' could have turned in to was gone. Lavi was never coming back, he had said so himself.
But maybe there was a slight chance - just a tiny possibility - that... maybe Tyki did feel that way.
He put a hand to his face, covering his eyes as he chuckled bitterly.
What the hell had he done?
Line Break
Lavi bowed his head as he walked along the hallways, stepping quickly as if racing the slowly-rising sun. Bookman wanted him back by dawn.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into tight fists as he walked, feeling his nails dig into his palms. He wanted so badly to blame Bookman for this, but it wasn't the old man's fault, not really. Lavi had known the rules going into this and had known he would have to let it go eventually. He just hadn't counted on his heart becoming so involved and that had turned out to be a major mistake.
His final words to Tyki haunted him, even though he knew they had been necessary. If he had told the truth and told the older man that Bookman was the reason he could no longer be with him - or if he had hinted that he wanted to stay - Tyki would probably try and convince him to continue seeing him in secret. Perhaps he would try and convince Lavi to slip out from meals to see him for a quick tussle between the sheets, or maybe the Noah would ask him to stop by after Bookman fell asleep so they could draw out the encounter. In any case, Lavi knew he couldn't let Tyki try to ask him anything.
He would have caved. His resolve would have crumbled and he would have begun sneaking down to see Tyki against the direct order of his mentor. His desire for the Noah had grown that intense and he knew he couldn't trust himself unless he somehow ensured that Tyki wouldn't ask him to bed again.
Even if it meant telling one of the most hurtful lies he had ever uttered.
What he had had with Tyki was something he was fairly certain he would never experience again. He didn't even want to, not with anyone else.
All he wanted was Tyki and he couldn't even continue their trysts any longer.
He had nothing now, nothing except for the knowledge that he had kept his word to Bookman. As promised, he had said goodbye to Tyki before dawn.
Somehow, the thought failed to comfort him.
Line Break
Bookman sat at his desk, staring blankly at the sheet of paper on the desk before him. His eyelids were heavy from lack of sleep - he doubted he had managed more than three hours from various naps he had managed to take during the night after Lavi had left. Three hours of interrupted sleep was not enough to allow his brain to function at peak efficiency, but he could no longer sleep.
It was just past dawn and Lavi had yet to arrive. Still, so long as the boy arrived soon, Bookman would not penalize him for lateness.
As though summoned by his thoughts, he heard quiet footsteps approaching his door. From the sound of the steps, Bookman knew it was probably Lavi. Besides, he doubted anyone else would be approaching his door so early in the morning.
He put his pen down, abandoning the still-clean sheet of paper, and turned towards the door. He waited, staring silently at the door as he waited for it to open.
He had been gracious enough to the boy, hadn't he? One more night was extremely generous of him, especially considering that he could already see that Lavi's heart was invested in his dealings with the Noah, Tyki Mikk. He could have stopped it last night, after he had first had proof, but he had allowed his apprentice one more night to use as he pleased. Surely Lavi would see that and come back.
He was not disappointed. Slowly, the doorknob turned and the door was slowly pushed open. Bookman watched attentively, muscles going slightly tense.
The redhead stepped through, gaze to the floor. The young man looked up only briefly as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him, shooting a glance towards the bed he expected to see Bookman resting in.
Bookman cleared his throat, bringing Lavi's attention to him in an instant. For a moment their eyes connected, and in that second Bookman could see just how vulnerable his apprentice was at the moment.
None of Lavi's usual masks - masks necessary as a Bookman - were in place. The redhead seemed utterly naked, his visible eye dark and heavy with exhaustion and pain. There was emptiness and loss, both emotions nearly overwhelming in their scope. For a moment, Bookman's mind froze as he registered the various emotions now plaguing his apprentice. He couldn't speak. Of all the things he had expected, he had not expected this. Lavi's heart had been more involved than he had thought. The emotions he had cautioned the boy against feeling or entertaining for any amount of time had apparently taken root, and taken root deeply.
Had he made a mistake? Had he been too slow in stopping Lavi's relationship with the Noah?
The redhead's expression clouded over, eyes turning cold and, on the surface, emotionless. Bookman, however, had had a lifetime of seeing through the fronts others put on and he was well-acquainted enough with Lavi to see that the pain continued beneath the imperfect mask.
Lavi straightened up, folding his arms behind his back and focusing his gaze on a point just above Bookman's ear. The redhead didn't meet his mentor's gaze.
"I've cut off my relations with the Noah," Lavi said, voice just slightly choked. "I will not contact him again."
Bookman could see his apprentice trembling and turned his eyes away. He turned back to his desk, picking up his pen and looking down at the paper before him so he wouldn't have to watch Lavi struggle to hold himself together.
"Good. Be sure you avoid such things in the future," Bookman told him dully, duty providing him with words. "Go and get cleaned up and changed, then get something to eat. When you are finished, report to the library. We're reorganizing it for the next two weeks."
"Understood." Lavi's voice was quiet, almost as if he could barely force himself to speak.
The sound of footsteps and the sound of the door opening and shutting were heard and then Bookman was alone again.
He slowly set down his pen again and let his hand drop to his side.
Lavi had seemed broken, but he was still young. Surely this pain would pass; that was the beauty of youth. Though losing whatever it was the redhead had had with the Noah had been a blow, surely Lavi would be able to get over it and begin performing his duties as an apprentice with his usual efficiency.
Bookman nodded decisively, trying to reassure himself.
Soon enough, Lavi would forget about whatever fleeting feelings he had held for the Noah.
He hadn't been too slow to prevent irreversible damage. He had to believe that.
Line Break
Reever walked through the halls, several sheets of paper clutched in one hand. His steps, unlike his usual casual stride, were quick and purposeful. Any scientist that happened to be in his path quickly moved aside, staring at the section leader for several seconds after he passed them by.
Finally, after weeks of hard work and sleepless nights, they finally had something. A prototype, one they had tested just that morning after taking a well deserved 6-hour break for a nap and a quick bite to eat.
It had worked. Not as efficiently or as well as they had hoped, but they finally had something!
He stopped outside the door to Komui's office and opened it, not bothering to knock since his superior was probably either asleep or pretending to be working. He sighed with a touch of fond exasperation as he stepped into the room and saw Komui slumped over his desk, one arm curled beneath his head. Reever shut the door behind himself and began walking towards the desk, expertly skirting the piles and piles of unfinished paperwork that always surrounded the Head of the Science Department. He moved around the desk and knelt next to the sleeping man, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. Experience had taught him that shaking Komui or shouting at him would be insufficient to wake the man up, but even the quietest whisper of a certain phrase would be sure to do the trick.
"Lenalee is getting married," Reever said in Komui's ear, then stood up and moved back to avoid being hit when the words registered in his superior's brain.
True to form, less than three seconds after he had said it, Komui's eyes shot open and he leaped to his feet, sending the chair he had been sitting on crashing to the floor. His arms flailed wildly and Reever took one more step back to avoid being hit.
"Lenalee!" he cried out, gaze quickly darting around the room for the girl. "How could you-"
He cut himself off, blinked, then slowly lowered his hands to the desk. He glanced towards the side where Reever stood, a slightly petulant expression on his face.
"There are less traumatic ways to wake me up, I'm sure," Komui mumbled, turning from Reever and picking up his chair so he could sit down at his desk. He straightened his beret and his glasses, both of which had been knocked askew by his antics a moment before, and cleared his throat in an attempt to regain some of his dignity.
"If I find a less traumatic way, I'll let you know," Reever said casually, walking back around to the front of the desk. He set the papers he carried down in front of the dark-haired man as he passed then sat down in the couch across from the desk. He relaxed into the cushions as he watched Komui pick up the papers tentatively, as though afraid they would bite.
Reever chuckled to himself. Komui probably thought the papers were more documents that urgently needed his signature. Reever watched, amused, as Komui gingerly lifted up the first sheet to read. He watched as Komui began to scan the document, then saw as the man's focus became much more intense. Within five minutes, Komui was on to the next one, a look of shock and joy on his face.
Reever waited silently for Komui to finish reading the progress report. He didn't have to wait long. Maybe ten more minutes had passed by the time Komui put down the final piece of paper and looked up, a giant, proud grin on his face.
"Excellent work," Komui said. "I thought it would take another week for even a prototype to be made, let alone tested. And it works!"
Reever nodded, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.
"It doesn't work as well as we had hoped, but we should be able to make something useful out of it with some adjustments," Reever said. "The information on Innocence bullets you collected from Allen last week helped."
Komui nodded, leaning back in his chair. He had handed the Science Department all his results from the tests he had run on Allen's arm the morning after he had run said tests, after putting them in a legible format so the scientists that worked for him could actually use the information. Reever had told him that, even with the information, it would probably be a few weeks until they could get something useable. It seemed that they had had some sort of breakthrough and Komui was more than happy to learn that the Finders were that much closer to having some kind of actual protection.
"Out of curiosity, what caused the breakthrough?" he asked absently, already thinking up ways to make the design of the gun more efficient. He picked up one of the pages of Reever's report, studying the drawing and rereading the short descriptions of each part. Perhaps the centripetal force could be increased and make the bullet more concentrated... or maybe the amount of time a bullet took being formed could be extended a bit and the energy dedicated to each bullet could be increased. It would cut down on the number of bullets each Finder could fire before having to reload the guns and would make rapid-fire impossible, but each bullet would be more powerful because of it.
He looked up when he heard Reever mumble something, only to see the man with one hand placed a bit sheepishly on the back of his head. Curiosity ratcheting up several notches, Komui loosened his hold on the paper.
"I didn't catch that," he said, wondering what had his usually unflappable friend acting this way.
"Johnny had read something in one of his comics he thought might work. Lenalee hadn't brought us coffee yet and we were out of ideas, so we let him try it." Reever shrugged, dropping his hand. "Turns out it worked. I think we all nearly died from shock."
Komui stared for a moment at the blond man, stunned, then he started to chuckle. A comic book had provided his crack team of learned scientists with the breakthrough necessary to create a weapon, one capable of destroying Akuma, for normal humans. A comic book.
The brunet put one hand over his mouth, still chuckling and trying to muffle it. Reever shot him a small glare and Komui got his mirth under control. He pretended to cough once and put his hand down.
"Good work. Keep me informed," he said. Reever nodded and stood up, turning towards the door to get back to the lab. Komui watched him leave, then turned back to the report Reever had handed him.
They were that much closer to arming everyone in the Order. Komui smiled, flipping through the pages again.
Line Break
Lavi sat at a table by himself, mechanically eating his lunch. He didn't really taste his sandwich - even after a week, his food still tasted terrible. At least it tasted like cardboard now, rather than rocks. It was a step up.
The room was filled with the usual low buzz of conversation and the occasional burst of laughter. It was still the same as it had been last week. It seemed like everything was the same as it had been last week; everything except for Lavi.
The redhead knew his friends had picked up on his mood. Lenalee's looks of concern had grown more frequent and intense and she seemed to be making pointless trips to the library now to try and engage him in some sort of conversation. He hadn't exactly been cold to her, but had smiled as always and laughed when she told a funny story and was sympathetic when she talked about some sort of misfortune that had befallen someone else in the Order. He knew that he wasn't fooling her. He could no longer force his fake smiles to reach his eyes, his laughter rang false, and even his sounds of sympathy were hollow. The Chinese girl was perceptive enough to catch on and so her visits had increased in duration and frequency.
Allen was just as bad, though he hadn't tried to talk to Lavi yet. The white-haired boy would just stay by his side and help him reorganize the library, quietly radiating understanding and support. It seemed like Allen and Lenalee had worked out some sort of shift system - Lavi hadn't been alone for more than an hour in the past three days. It would have been annoying, but Lavi didn't really care. He refused to talk to them about what had happened, though he was sure that Allen at least had an inkling.
It didn't help that the rumor mill hadn't caught up to reality yet. Lavi was still hearing about how he and Tyki were supposedly together and having wild sex every night. His temper had been running higher these days - he had actually snapped yesterday at a Finder who had had the gall to ask him about it. She had been stunned and had run back to her friends, the group of three then engaging in hurried whispering as they had left. No one had approached him since.
He did feel a bit guilty about snapping at the girl, but after hearing so many people talk about what he had lost and dodging Lenalee's not-so-subtle attempts at getting him to talk about what was bothering him and being suffocated by Allen's 'understanding', he thought he had every right to be angry. Anger was better than the lost feeling he had whenever he was allowed a moment to think or whenever he saw something that reminded him of what he had lost.
He hadn't been able to sleep much and had eaten even less, though he had tried to maintain some semblance of normality. Those who hadn't known him well were fooled, but everyone he had been close to had seen right through it. The only one who hadn't tried to talk to him about it was Bookman, who knew damn well why Lavi was suddenly not himself.
The redhead amended the thought. Kanda hadn't spoken to him at all either, though Lavi had noticed that the samurai coincidently showed up with Allen and Lenalee at mealtimes more often. Kanda hadn't said a word to him yet, not even in greeting, but the Japanese teen had come back. The thought did cheer Lavi slightly, but any happiness he felt was drowned out by the loss of Tyki.
Lavi had timed his meals so that he would never be in the lunchroom when Tyki was scheduled to come up to get food. As a result, he had yet to see the Noah since their 'break-up' a little over a week ago. He still felt the loss just as keenly as he had that day, though all the marks from that encounter had faded from his body. The pleasant aches he had grown accustomed to had disappeared and his neck was once more unblemished, Tyki's mark having healed days ago.
It was like they had never been together. The memories were all Lavi had.
He put down his sandwich and picked up his drink, needing something to wash the bread and meat down with. As he poured a small amount of the liquid - milk, he had ordered milk - into his mouth, he heard footsteps approaching.
"Hey, Lavi!"
The redhead set down his glass and looked towards the direction the voice had come from, already recognizing Allen as the source. He forced a smile on to his face as Allen made his way between the tables, carrying two trays piled high with more food than most grown men ate in a day. Lenalee followed the white-haired boy and was carrying her own tray as she smiled gently back at Lavi. The third and final member of the short train was Kanda, carrying his usual tempura soba and scowling while studiously not looking at the redhead.
Allen set down his tray next to Lavi's while Lenalee and Kanda moved to the other side of the table. Lenalee took the spot across from Lavi while Kanda sat across from Allen. Without a word to the others, Kanda broke apart his chopsticks and began to eat. Lavi turned his attention back to his sandwich, picking it up with both hands.
"So, how have you been?" Lenalee asked him, picking up her knife to cut her own sandwich into halves. Lavi shrugged, looking at her and trying for his usual easy grin.
"Can't complain," he replied, though he couldn't quite meet her eyes. He took a bite of his sandwich, chewing and swallowing slowly. "You?"
"Oh, I'm all right," Lenalee replied, trying to smile back though her brow was creased with obvious concern. "How is reorganizing the library going?"
Lavi shrugged again, taking another bite of his sandwich before answering.
"You seemed to be making good progress when I was there," Allen said encouragingly, taking a large bite of a hamburger and chewing rapidly before swallowing and taking another large bite.
"It isn't going as fast as Bookman had thought. We'll be at it for at least another week," Lavi replied, letting go of his sandwich with one hand to grab his glass of milk.
Kanda snorted. Allen shot the dark-haired teen a warning look, but Kanda either ignored it or didn't see it.
"Maybe sleeping with the Noah made you stupid," he said, picking up more noodles with his chopsticks. They were the first words Kanda had said to him in a while and Lavi suddenly wished the samurai hadn't spoken.
He barely registered Lenalee's sharp intake of breath or Allen's angry 'Kanda!' as he set down his sandwich and stood to leave.
"Lavi, he didn't mean it. We don't believe the rumors, really-" Lenalee hastened to assure him, half-standing up herself to try and grab at his sleeve. Lavi smiled tightly and neatly avoided her hand while he picked up his tray and glass. She stared at him unhappily, slowly curling her fingers and setting her hand down. Lavi could sense Allen's concerned stare aimed at his side but didn't glance over.
"It's OK, Lenalee," he reassured her, smiling as brightly as he could. His smile came out tight and thin. "I'm just not hungry. See you later?"
Without waiting for an answer, he turned and started walking away as quickly as he could. He ignored the calls of his name as he moved to drop off his tray and mostly-uneaten lunch, heading for the door the moment his small burden left his hands.
He didn't turn to look at the table as he left the lunchroom, though the second he had cleared the doors he headed for the stairwell. Some of the lower floors were usually deserted and he was suddenly in desperate need of somewhere to be alone.
He was too strong to cry and as a Bookman he had been trained not to, but his eye stung something fierce and if he heard just one more thing about what he had used to have he would break down right then and there. His steps quickened and he nearly broke into a run, ignoring the surprised whispers of the people he passed and keeping his head down so no one could see the distress he knew had to be obvious on his face.
It wasn't so much what Kanda had said, since Lavi had heard worse things from people who didn't know him, but it was because Kanda had said it. Kanda was one of the first people Lavi had ever been able to call 'friend' and to hear Kanda say that was like getting a lemon juice and salt paste spread on a gaping wound.
He reached the stairwell and began to move downstairs, taking the stairs two or three at a time. Bookman always gave him an hour for meals, so it would be at least forty minutes before he would need to be in the library.
He didn't think he could face his mentor at the moment. He could feel a slight stirring of resentment and clamped down hard on it, shoving the emotion far to the back of his mind.
Lavi had known the Bookman's code. Just because Bookman had enforced it when Lavi was obviously straying wasn't a good enough reason to resent the old man, especially not after all Bookman had done for Lavi when the redhead had been a child.
It shouldn't have been a good enough reason, but Lavi couldn't help it. He did resent Bookman, though only a bit; Bookman was simply following the rules. It was impossible to not hate the code that had such stupid rules, though Lavi tried not to hate it. One day, he would be a Bookman and the code would be his to uphold and teach to the next generation.
If he wasn't going to eventually be a Bookman, then what was all this suffering for?
After all, his dream had been to be a Bookman and learn about the history of the world, to learn about things one couldn't find in a book. That dream was all he had left, even if it no longer appealed to him the way it once did.
A quiet thought crept through his mind as he finally reached a floor he was fairly certain would be free of other people.
If he was going through all of this in order to be a Bookman, maybe he didn't want to be a Bookman any more at all.
Maybe he just wanted to be 'Lavi' for the rest of his life.
Line Break
Allen watched Lavi leave the room, grey eyes wide and deep with concern. When the redhead was out of sight, he turned to Kanda, eyes narrowing in a glare. Kanda - who had also been watching the door with eyes as wide as they ever went - returned his glare with interest and then pointedly ignored Allen and continued to eat.
"I thought you were going to try and make up with Lavi!" Allen accused. Kanda didn't even look up.
"Che. I never said I would. If the stupid rabbit is going to get so worked up over a couple of rumors-"
"That was still cruel, Kanda," Lenalee said, staring down at her plate. Her quiet voice shut the Japanese Exorcist up and Kanda picked up another bite of his food.
Allen glared daggers across the table, biting his tongue on the first few phrases that came to mind. Maybe the rumors weren't just rumors - it would certainly explain a lot, but Allen wasn't about to give the Japanese asshole any more ammunition to use against their redheaded friend. Kanda could continue thinking that the rumors were just that from now until doomsday for all Allen cared.
For a moment, the white-haired boy's eyes softened. Lavi had certainly been through enough. The British Exorcist had tried to be there for the redhead and quietly coax him to speak, but the cause of Lavi's distress was still unclear. From the redhead's reaction just now, Allen was fairly certain it had something to do with Tyki or the rumors or both.
He gaze turned towards Lenalee. The Chinese girl was just picking at her food, obviously worried. Allen wanted to tell her, but he doubted she would want to hear that he thought Tyki and Lavi were together in a romantic sense. Sometimes when the Noah was mentioned, her gaze would turn distant and fearful - Allen didn't think she would take the news well and Lavi hardly needed to lose another friend.
Allen sighed to himself and, with one last glare at the oblivious samurai sitting across from him, he turned back to his lunch. It didn't taste quite as well as it had minutes ago, but Jerry was still an excellent cook and Allen managed to eat the ungodly amount of food he had ordered.
He would have to talk to Lavi and get to the bottom of this once and for all. For Lavi's sake.
TBC…
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! The next one should be posted soon.
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