D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ The Meaning of a Curse ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: All of the beautiful characters of D.Grey-Man belong to Hoshino Katsura, however if you see Kanda up for sale somewhere I would LOVE to know…

 

Warning: Bad language shouted from our dear redhead boy…

 

Note from Israfel: So sorry about the long wait, but I've been dealing with home issues as well as incoming Wisdom teeth, which I am having one removed on the 21st of this month (July), which may have already passed by the time I get this up.

 

 

CircUs of NIghT

 

~The meaning of a Curse~

 

 

It's happening again, she can feel it, the sensations, the uncontrollable urge to just fall apart. It's making her head spin and she doesn't think she can control it, she never can… Her heart is beating faster and the all too familiar sensation is building behind her eyes. It's going to happen again and she's feeling powerless to stop it.

 

Linalee closes her eyes, pushing the memories to the back of her mind, trying to lock the emotions up. Everyone can see her and she is hating it. Not everyone knows about Allen, about how he just might not come back, how he's gone, listed as an MIA. The thoughts are flooding her mind and she can't take it anymore, she can't hold herself together any longer.

 

The female stands abruptly, having not even touched her dinner, and makes her way to the exit, her head is bowed as her eyes are filling with tears once more. Her grip on herself, on her attempt at a calm composure shatters as she reaches a deserted hall.

 

She is crying more now, like she does almost everyday. She is falling apart and no one seems to be able to help. Linalee has her hands on her head, begging, pleading with herself to get it together, that Allen will show up any day now…

 

But it has been days, almost a week since he's disappeared…

 

The female inhales briefly, chocking on another one of her sobs. She is past caring now, caring on whether or not someone sees her. Everyone needs to know, everyone should be sad, not just her…

 

She can hear foot steps coming down the hall, towards her huddled form on the floor. The female can't stop the nervousness that sets in, the sudden movements that over come her already weakened body, she hasn't ate properly since learning about Allen's absence…

 

Linalee pushes herself up, her heart aching at the thought of being asked what's wrong. She can't form the words in her mind let alone say them out loud. She is feeling nauseas once more, the idea of never seeing Allen again is floating back up to the surface of her mind.

 

She can't help but run, and she knows she's trying to out run the ache in her heart. She doesn't stop until someone grabs a hold of her arm, forcing her to turn around.

 

“Linalee,” It's Lavi that she finds herself staring at. “What's wrong?” He looks concerned, more so then the female realizes. Linalee can't help but fall apart all over again, moving forwards and burying her face in the taller male's chest.

 

“He-he's gone!” She doesn't even realize what she's saying until it's already been said. “Allen's gone!” Lavi is momentarily stunned, shocked at the females words and actions, unsure which is more serious.

 

“Gone?” He finds himself asking in a strained voice, his chest tightening despite knowing that he's not really supposed to care.

 

“He's disappeared!” Lavi pulls the crying female away from him, trying to look into her eyes.

 

“When?”

 

“Last week! He went on an assignment and the finder said he never returned!” Linalee is shocked at the expression on Lavi's face, amazed at how he seems so calm when she can't hold herself together longer then a couple of hours.

 

“Where was he,” Lavi's grip tightens on the female's arms, making her wince a little. His voice is solid, so solid that it seems to be the first real thing that Linalee has encountered since she's learned about Allen.

 

“The Circus of Night,” her tears are slowing down and her anxiety is lowering itself, she is beginning to wonder if he might be able to help… Lavi is repeating her words, locating some lost information in his mind, something that might have been said to him some time ago. The sudden flash of fear that crosses his face causes Linalee's small about of hope to fade.

 

“I have to see Komui,” The redhead's words are said so fast that it takes the female a second to understand, to realize that he really might help.

 

-

 

He is nervous again, wanting desperately to stand and run from the room, to get away from the eerie silence, from those penetrating eyes. His mind is spinning and everything he has come to know, to trust about his senses is telling him to run, to get away…but he knows he can't.

 

Allen is feeling helpless again, the sensation is as fleeting as his thoughts of Kanda but persistent enough to let him know that it is there. All he can do is stare down at his lap, at the towel that is the only thing still covering his body. He can feel his heart hammering against his chest, telling him that he is still alive, that they haven't destroyed him yet…

 

“Hurry up,” the voice of the Circus Master is loud and cold sounding to Allen's ears, causing him to close his eyes, to beg himself to no longer hear. She is staring at him even as she speaks to the twins, as they gather supplies and move things about the room.

 

Ivonne is sitting behind the older woman, her eyes hidden behind her hair as she stares down at her own hands. Allen hates it, the silence in the room, the hurried movements of the twins, their fleeting looks at him. They know what's about to happen, and their worry is making him even more nervous, even more terrified of the woman who is sitting just a few feet across from him.

 

“Tell me child,” Allen stiffens visibly as he is addressed, he is getting used to being called child. “Is there something that will stick out in your mind when I look?”

 

“…” He doesn't understand it, the sudden fear washing over him, the inability to use his voice. The feeling is irritating and terrifying.

 

“Speak up. Now.” The woman's voice is daring him to defy her orders and the small exorcist knows that he can't, that he shouldn't, that if he does he'll get hurt, horribly. His mind is telling him that Ivonne has been kind to him in her punishment.

 

“…I-I don't know…” He knows he is lying, even as he says it, that Kanda is prominent in his mind now, more so then before. Allen is finding himself mentally begging the older male to come and save him. Even as he thinks it though he knows that it won't happen, that unless ordered to do so Kanda won't go any where near him.

 

“Don't lie to me brat!” The woman snaps as a large concave plate is set before Allen's knees on the floor. He is starting to tremble lightly, his fear is beginning to show and the part of his mind that knows he is still a child is starting to cry out, to say he can't be there, can't let this happen.

 

“I-I don't know…” His voice is becoming unsteady and before he knows it the woman has leaned over the large plate and is fisting his hair, yanking his head to the side so forcefully that tears are forming in his eyes…

 

…whether he knows if they're from fear or pain he can't tell.

 

“You can't lie to me like that, there is something in your mind that you can't stop thinking about now!” Before he can say anything her free hand is against his head, pressing into his right temple with enough force to cause a headache.

 

Allen can't stop the sudden thoughts, the ones of Kanda of when they met, of when he first called him Moyashi. The memories are coming in torrents and he doesn't want them to be there, to be so much in the forefront of his mind.

 

The Circus Master makes a sound as she let's go of the boy's hair, leaning back into her previous sitting position. She can see him crying; can see the tears he is trying so hard to suppress. Allen feels like his heart is being torn from him the more he thinks about the Japanese man.

 

His mind is in agony and his senses are starting to blur. He isn't aware of the movements around him anymore, of anything except the woman across from him. She is staring at him, choosing her next words carefully, deciding on what will make him break the fastest.

 

The silver haired girl is kneeling on the floor on Allen's left side, pouring clear and clean salt into the large plate. Her brother is across from her, placing different colored vials of liquids in a neat line, a glass made out of ice is sitting at his knees.

 

“What is his name?” The Circus master's words make Allen feel hollow, he doesn't want anyone there to know Kanda's name, he feels like they're going to taint him in some way… He squeezes his eyes shut trying to push the new wave of panic back down, trying to calm himself some, to stop the trembling of his body. He can't figure out why he fears this woman more then any Akuma he has encountered, more then when Tyki threatened his very life…

 

“WHAT IS HIS NAME!” The woman shout's in such a voice that the boy feels like the whole world is trembling before her. He can't help but reply, wishing he wasn't so weak…

 

“K-Kanda…”

 

“His full name child!” The woman snaps in a softer voice, making Allen wish he was back with Cross, with someone he knew that would at least keep him safe…

 

“Yuu…” He swallows thickly, his throat dry, his voice shaking slightly, his very being faltering in what he has come to know as reality. “Yuu Kanda…”

 

“Write it in the salt.” Allen glances at the lavishly decorated plate, at the designs covering the lip and disappearing into the salt. “Do. It. Now.” The woman's voice is deadly and he complies with little thought, fearing only more punishment, more pain that is appearing to be more mental then physical…

 

The exorcist creates the letters slowly, wondering why Kanda is so important, why he has to be brought into this. The second he is done the Circus Master reaches for the salt, grabbing a large handful quickly and tossing it at Allen, covering his body and head with it.

 

There is an immediate force that knocks him back and onto the floor, that causes a burning sensation to run up his spine and into his head. The feeling is so strong that he can't stop himself from shouting, from letting out a scream of pain. Every where the salt is touching him he is burning; his skin feels like it is on fire and melting.

 

Allen tries to wipe the salt from his body, but his hands are pinned to the floor by the twins who are avoiding his gaze, who look like they might cry at any moment themselves. He shouts again as another wave of heat runs across his body, causing him to truly believe that his skin is melting.

 

His vision is obscured by the Circus Masters hand, her other is on his forehead. He can hear her speaking but his own shouts, his own cries of agony can't be stopped; he feels like is being burned alive.

 

“Open your mouth Child.” The command is given and Allen complies, begging the pain to stop, the feeling of being burned to fade. His heart is beating too fast and he knows he is crying even more now.

 

He doesn't care who saves him now, so long as someone comes, so long as they take him away from this place.

 

A freezing sensation is brought to his lips and he can feel a liquid being poured into his mouth. The taste is awful and he tries to turn his head, to spit it out, but Ivonne, the one who has poured the drink, has her hand over his mouth now.

 

Allen feels helpless as he swallows whatever he is given to drink.

 

The burning of his flesh is numbed, replaced by a feeling that is akin to when he activates his innocence. The hand is moved from his eyes and he is forced to drink another liquid, something that tastes earthy and very plant like to him…

 

His stomach is feeling warm, and his mind feels like it is emptying of all thoughts. He can tell he is fading, that the more he is given to drink the more he is slipping away from himself.

 

Ivonne moves from his vision, pouring more liquid into the cup. Allen's mind is telling him that something is happening, that there is something moving up his left arm. The feeling, the sensation is frightening, he knows he's changing, turning into something unreal, something ethereal, it is making his mind spin. He is fading, his mind is slipping away and he is wondering if he is dying, if he'll ever wake up again…

 

-

 

Lavi slams his hands down on the abnormally clean desk before him. He is too blinded by his own thoughts, his need for information to realize the change in the room, to realize how unnaturally clean it is for once. Komui is staring back at the young man, his eyes are conveying an emotion to him that is momentarily lost on him.

 

“Why did you send him there?” Lavi demands through gritted teeth, his hands forming fists on the desk as he glares down at the older man.

 

“Lavi, please calm down…” Komui's voice sounds hollow, similar to Linalee's but still controlled.

 

“No, now answer me!” The redhead is demanding and his chest is starting to feel constricted, he is trying to deny the fact that he cares that much.

 

“…Lavi, calm your self.” The Asian man's voice is suddenly demanding and the younger male is caught slightly off guard, he had never heard the other sound so strict.

 

“Will you tell me why the hell Allen was sent there?” The question is gritted out in a calmer tone. Lavi can feel the emotions swirling about in the back of his mind and he is ignoring them to the best of his ability. Komui is staring at him again, with a blank expression that could rival Kanda's.

 

“I can't let you go.” His voice is steady, too steady and it is causing the redhead's chest to tighten uncomfortably.

 

“And why the fuck not?” There is a sudden silence in the room and the longer it persists the more the emotions Lavi is trying to ignore flare up, coming closer to the surface. He reminds himself that he is not supposed to feel, to care about anyone, that he is going to become the next Bookman, he is to be apathetic to all.

 

“Lavi please sit down…” Komui leans back in his chair, setting the small stack of papers he was working on to the side. The redhead realizes the sudden change in the room, annoyed at himself for having missed it until now.

 

Everything is neat and clean, filed away properly and there is hardly any work to be done…

 

“Why?” He asks, his head starting to ache as his mind and-god forbid-his heart are fighting for dominance.

 

“Please lock the door too…” Komui asks in what sounds like a defeated voice. Lavi watches the Asian man a moment, something in the back of his mind stirring, something that he gave up long ago when he chose to become the next Bookman.

 

The click of the lock is deafening in the silent room and it makes the redhead's heart pound; he isn't sure why…

 

“Why won't you let me go?” He asks again, practically falling into the couch. The other has removed his glasses and is rubbing the bridge of his nose; he looks tense, uneasy…

 

“I've tried already, to send someone to get him…the higher ups won't allow it.”

 

“WHAT?” Lavi is on edge, leaning forward, fighting down the thought that he isn't supposed to care.

 

“We're in a tight situation right now, with the increase in Akuma and the sudden appearance of accommodators, we can't spare anyone…at least that's what they say…what they tell me…” Komui lowers his hand and looks over at Lavi, at his posture and body language.

 

“I've tried, multiple times…”

 

“This why Kanda's been gone for almost six months?” There is a pause that tells the redhead everything he needs to know. “Why did you even send him there?” He asks fully aware that his voice is shaking some, wavering.

 

“It wasn't my choice…” Komui is staring off at a distant object, not really seeing anything before him.

 

“You're choice? You're the one that assigns us everything we do!” Lavi can't help but snap at the man. Their eyes meet for a moment and it's all that the younger male needs to know that it really wasn't the others choice. “The higher ups again?”

 

“I…tried to wait for someone else to finish up their previous mission…” Komui is shaking his head; his voice is sounding disbelieving to the other. “Allen was the only one with out an assignment, I tried to wait but they forced me to send him… Anyone would have been better-“

 

“He's too young for that place!” Lavi is back to shouting again, “I don't care if he was Cross's student, he is too young for that place!” His voice seems to bounce off the walls, increasing its intensity. There is an uncomfortable silence that follows causing Lavi to become aware of the tightness of his chest. He closes his eyes, tells himself that the emotions are false but…

 

“I know…he shouldn't have gone… I wanted to send you, since you're to be the next Bookman. You have control over your emotions.” Komui looks at the small stack of papers on his desk. Lavi understands the reason why the Asian man has such a clean room now.

 

He is trying to busy himself, to do something so that he won't have to think about what's happened, where Allen is… The redhead swallows thickly, his throat suddenly dry, he is painfully aware that what he's feeling is real.

 

“Is…Is there an exorcist that will be near him at some point in time?” Komui looks up, his eyes meeting Lavi's single green one.

 

“Kanda should be…in a month…but I'm not certain of it.”

 

-

 

It is happening so suddenly, so fast that he barely understands what is changing. A sudden pain, searing and hot, is shooting through his system as he is given the last liquid to drink, something opaque that seems floral but isn't. The liquid barely has time to reach his stomach before he feels the skin over his shoulder blades rip as something tares through it, his left eye burning so much that he thinks it's going to melt.

 

Allen screams as the sensation of something crawling over his skin spreads rapidly. It is creeping up from the tears in his back, covering his left arm before moving up his neck and crawling towards his eye. He is dying in the pain, in the feeling of his body changing.

 

“Shut up child!” Someone shouts at him, he isn't sure who, his mind is too lost, to buried with in the pain to understand anything. Something hot and searing is being burned into his skin, around his navel and over his pelvic bone.

 

“I said SHUT UP!” Allen can feel something come in contact with his head but the sensation is lost on him, his body is in so much pain. Something soft and fleshy is shoved into his mouth and he can't stop himself from biting down, to do something to alleviate the pain searing through him.

 

The soles of his feet feel like they are being placed in fire now. The pain is slipping from his whole body shooting down and centering at his feet. Allen bites down even harder on what is in his mouth, he swears it feels like his feet are being ripped straight off.

 

The sensation, the pain, the agony, is starting fade though. The boy's mind is slipping along with it, falling away from him, his lips throbbing with the rest of his body. Allen is painfully aware of every vein, every muscle, every tendon in him.

 

“Fetch his new garments.” He can recognize the voice now, belonging to the Circus Master, demanding the twins to do something more. The object in his mouth moves, Allen is suddenly aware of the taste of blood, of that fact that it was one of the twin's hands.

 

He wants to move, to pull himself away from Ivonne and the older woman, but he can't…his body isn't reacting, isn't doing anything he's begging it too. All he can do is lie there, so aware of everything inside him but comply lost as to everything else.

 

“What is he?” Ivonne's voice is asking the Circus Master. The scent of smoke is in the air again, filled with something of honey, almond and vanilla.

 

“He's a flower…” The older woman's voice sounds amused and it makes Allen want to cry. He feels like a child again, a child that needs their parent…

 

Mana…

 

He can't stop the pain in his chest, the agony in his mind. He doesn't want to think of that right now. He doesn't want to think about anything anymore. The boy wants to be numb, empty, to pass out and fall into an empty, dreamless sleep.

 

“What kind?” Allen is aware of something looming over him, looking at his face. He wants to make his eyes work, to see what is going to happen.

 

The sensation in his chest is scaring him, the feeling of being helpless, of these people doing anything they want with him.

 

“We won't hurt you…” The words are whispered to him, directly into his ear from the male twin as his body is being lifted, pulled into a sitting position. He knows his eyes are open but he can't see anything, he can hardly feel anything anymore. The sensation is welcome in place of the pain he has just gone through.

 

“Master…?” Ivonne asks attentively, still curious as to what flower Allen embodies.

 

“It's called Night Phlox…” Something is being wrapped around the boy's torso, something that covers most of his body, stopping just above his ankles. The cloth is soft, and feels so strange against his skin.

 

He can feel it cover his back, cover what ever sprouted there, the appendages that tore his skin apart… The appendages are pulled through two holes in the back as his arms are lifted. Something is wrapped around his torso, holding the open cloth covering his body shut and in place.

 

“Give him the last drink, it's time for him to see his first customer…” The Circus Master's voice no longer sounds amused, only professional now. With in a moment Ivonne is opening his mouth as the twins hold him up right.

 

The liquid that is poured into him feels soothing, calming. Allen feels like he is becoming more alert, more aware of his surroundings. His eyes are starting to see again, no longer just staring blankly at everything.

 

“You can see now right?” The boy looks up, past Ivonne who is kneeling before him and at the older woman. She is sitting in a dignified manner, her legs tucked neatly under her small form.

 

“…yes…” Allen's voice is hoarse and he knows it's from how much he's been screaming, crying…

 

“You may look at yourself, Flower.” He is momentarily unsure of the name, unsure if it is good or bad… Before he is given much more time to think the twins are helping him stand, his legs feel so oddly weak…

 

Allen glances down, realizing that he has been dressed in a yukata with an Obi like what the twins have on. The yukata is not wrapped properly though, not folded over his body completely; when he walks his right leg pokes through the opening where the cloth should over lap itself. He notices that the girl with hair like his own has a growing bruise on her hand.

 

He is stopped before the vanity and looks up, terrified of what he might see…

 

-

 

“Kanda…he'll bring Allen back…” Lavi gives Komui a half hearted smile. “He'll bitch the whole time but he'll bring him back…”

 

“That's not what I'm worried about…” The Asian man returns his glasses to his face, avoiding eye contact with the redhead.

 

“What then?”

 

“The condition of Allen's mind when he returns… And I will make sure he returns…” Lavi can feel the pain in his chest, the worry, he knows that he shouldn't have it but it's there and he can't deny it much longer. He's known for a long time that he's cared for everyone at the Order, even if he's been telling himself that the emotions are fake…

 

“I don't know if he'll be strong enough to cope with what they're doing to him…he's still a child…” Lavi is staring at Komui, trying to think of something, anything to say. He wants to tell the Asian man that Allen will be okay, but he is doubtful…

 

“He's…not going to be the same when he returns…” Lavi is hating himself for having to admit it, having to say what he really believes. “Why can't someone just go and find him now? He'd be okay if-“

 

“They won't let anyone. I've even asked if a finder could go…” Komui is looking at the papers on his desk again. He is back to feeling helpless, like when Linalee had found out a week ago…

 

“Right now Kanda I think is our only hope… Allen has Tim with him but I doubt that he'll get turned on…” Lavi watches the man a moment, his head is buzzing with all the emotions he's trying to suppress and it's starting to wear on him.

 

“You have another assignment in three days… Linalee's going to be leaving at the same time as you…”

 

“She's-” The redhead shakes his head, another emotion is added to the rest.

 

“I know, but I have to right now. Try to calm her before you leave… I…I can't do anything for her right now.” Komui is watching Lavi again, hoping that he understands. He is given a small nod in reply before the other stands.

 

“Just tell me one more thing, does she know what the Circus of Night really is?”

 

“No…”

 

-

 

The reflection is disturbing, nauseating to him.

 

He feels like what he is staring at really isn't him…

 

But it is him and he knows it…

 

…that's why it hurts to look at himself.

 

Allen stares at his face, at the vine's and sprouts creeping up onto his left cheek, just barely starting to cover his scar. He stares at the pale colored flower petals in his hair, at his left eye that now seems to have a light purple iris, at the odd sparkle his skin seems to have, at the vines that disappear into the yukata he is wearing. He can feel them all over his left arm, covering it, covering his anti-Akuma weapon…

 

He turns himself, to see what it was the tore the skin on his back…

 

…he has small wings, tiny ones that look like they are made of a large leaves…

 

Allen wants to inspect his body, to see what else has changed on him, what else he now can hate about himself…

 

The sprouts that appear with the vines are Moyashi and he knows it. The knowledge makes his chest hurt. He looks down at his feet, trying to keep himself from crying again, to hold himself together. The boy can see the odd decoration on his feet, creeping up his legs, fading out just under the edge of the yukata.

 

There is a lotus mixed in with the design and it breaks his attempt at being strong.

 

“Look at me, Flower.” The Circus Masters voice is commanding and it makes Allen tremble some. He fears this small woman more then any one he has ever met, more then any Akuma, any Noah. The twin's on either side of him turn him to look at the small older woman; Ivonne is sitting just behind her.

 

“You like your appearance?” Allen gives a small nod, he hates how he looks, hates the damn scent in the air, hates everything about this moment but he can't say that. Speaking up means punishment…

 

…punishment means that sound again…

 

“Good, because you're going to be like that every night from now on.” The scent of smoke fills the air, adding to the honey, almond and vanilla scent. The smoke is coming from a cigarette the Circus Master has lit and Allen feels the scent calming his system; he can't figure out why…

 

“Do you know what flower you are?”

 

“N-Night Phlox…” His voice is shaky, unstable and the sound makes his heart rate jump. He is unsure of whether or not he was supposed to know…

 

“Yes, and do you want to know what else that flower is called?” Allen squeezes his eyes shut, knowing that the woman can't see them, can't see his face. He doesn't want to be there, to be anywhere near these people…but he is and he can't escape, can't fight…he can't even use his weapon…

 

“No…” The Circus Master smirks, seeing the boy before her tremble. He wasn't that scared before, no where near as terrified as when she first saw him. She knows something has changed and she wants to know what…

 

“The scent in the air and the taste of your skin go with the name…”

 

…skin? Allen is momentarily lost on what was said to him, he doesn't understand but he doesn't want to ask.

 

“You can smell it, I know you do. The Honey Almond Vanilla scent, it's coming from you.” The idea is peculiar to him; he can't imagine ever smelling so…so feminine, even when Cross had him- Allen stops his thought process. He doesn't want to think of the man, doesn't want to imagine what he'd say if he ever found him like this.

 

“Your skin tastes like it too…”

 

“I-I don't know…” His voice wavers as he gives a reply, trembling lightly, creating a feeling akin to embarrassment in his chest. He can feel the older woman smirk, her amusement seeping into the room like a poisonous fog.

 

“Night Phlox is also called Midnight Candy, and that's just what you are. A treat in the middle of the night for paying customers…” Allen can feel his face heat up and his pulse quicken. He hates the idea of being someone's treat, of giving his body over to another individual. The thought is sickening and makes his stomach churn.

 

Selling his body was one of the few things that Cross never had him do, never let him do…

 

“Drop his old clothes off in his room before giving him to a customer.” Allen's head snaps up, he had heard them say it earlier, tell him that he was going to have to see a customer but he had thought he was going to entertain them not…

 

Ivonne shoves his clothes into his hands once the Circus Master leaves the room. Her face is blank but her eyes are fierce. Her expression is confusing to Allen, his thoughts too muddled, too scattered and frantic to understand the look she gives him once the twins are gone as well.

 

“You're first customer is always the hardest to please.”

 

And he has no idea how hard it will be

 

Well another chapter done… again I would like to say I'm sorry for the delay but it's a bit hard to think when you have horrible shooting pains going through your jaw. However I went to the dentist the other day and they gave me something to knock the pain out :D Vicoden… however I'm a little out of it when I take a whole pill… Happened when I was typing the end of the chapter, made it really hard for me to keep going otherwise this would have been posted already…

 

On another note I would love to say thank you to everyone who reviews, I try to reply to all of them but sometimes you people can say something that just makes it hard for me to say something other then thank you for the review… Next Chapter: To please a customer

 

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~