D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ The One I Obey ( Chapter 13 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: If I were to own DGM…well Tyki would wear tight pants (for my friend) Kanda would never be dressed properly and Allen would wear short shorts, like micro shorts, since they don't, I don't own… D':

WARNING! Foul language from my beloved Asian man!

Note from Israfel: Okay so I made a doodle of Allen for this, so you can see his Lotus (and fantastic arse) and it's up on my DA, you can click my homepage button to get there. ALSO I am looking for a beta, as I mentioned at the end of my oneshot Toguro (YULLEN LEMON!)

CircUs of NIghT

~The One I Obey~

Allen is lying on his back on the bed in his room. He has dressed himself in his kimono though the obi is tied wrong in the back, something he cannot do himself. He is waiting for Cross to return, to come and get him.

He will not leave the room just as his Master has said, he believes the man will come and get him when he needs him…

Someone is knocking on the door persistently.

…but he is asleep… His eyes are sore, dry feeling from all the tears he has shed. His hands are numb but his body is warm. There is a light weight on his side and on his chest. He can't quite think of what it is, of who is lying with him.

The knocking continues, followed by a voice this time. He recognizes the voice, though he is too tired, too exhausted from everything to try and wake up, to become coherent enough to answer it. The weight that is partially on him shifts and so does he.

He is lying on his side now, facing the warmth that is next to him. The one that is knocking on the door says something before the handle turns.

Komui is staring into his sister's room.

Is staring at Lavi who is lying on the same bed as his sister. He swallows thickly, trying to fight his conflicting emotions, to ignore the one he shouldn't have. The Asian man closes his eyes as Lavi pulls himself away from Linalee as fast as he can.

"I need to speak to the two of you…" Komui's voice is restrained and he does not look at the two of them as he leaves the room, shutting the door with a forced calm. Lavi is stunned, is staring at the door with a sense of awe. He turns, looks at Linalee who is in just as much awe as he is. She swallows, her throat dry and turns to Lavi.

Neither is tired anymore…

"We need to go talk to him…"

"Why…didn't he freak out?"

"I don't know…" The female shakes her head before moving to stand. She straightens her clothes a moment before exiting the room. Lavi is slow to follow, conflicting emotions running rampant. His mind is still moving slow, sluggish from sleep but he knows that he has just missed something…something that he should have documented, cataloged away in his memories.

Komui flops down in his chair, staring up at the high ceiling in his office. He feels drained, exhausted from everything. He knows he should have said something back there, to his sister, to Lavi…but…

He knows something the boy does not…

Knows something about him that he shouldn't…

Komui closes his eyes, hoping that the two won't take too long in getting there, won't worry about his actions too much. There is a brief knock on the door before it is opened. Linalee is the first to appear, a false worried smile on her face.

"…Brother…" She looks like she wants to explain to him why she was with Lavi.

He already knows.

"It's okay, he coming?"

"In a moment…why aren't you mad…?" Her eyes convey her worry and Komui has to look away. He doesn't want to tell her what Lavi doesn't know yet.

"I'm just…stressed…" The door opens after a moment and Lavi slips in, looking as if he doesn't want to be seen.

"Will this take long? Bookman saw me and said to try and hurry…"

"Both of you know that Allen doesn't remember anything now, so don't go around mentioning it to everyone, they'll learn soon enough…and don't talk to him about what he used to be like…"

Linalee frowns, trying to understand that last part. "Why not?"

"Right now it's just best, we don't know how he'll react to things… you saw him when you hugged him." Komui hates himself for having to bring that up, hates himself because of the look of pain that is shown in his sisters eyes. The female looks down at her feet, a sharp pain stabbing at her heart.

"O-okay, so no talking about the past and no touching…"

"For right now, he needs to work on his… people skills…"

"Linalee, right now Allen thinks everyone's going to hurt him…" Lavi is staring at her, unsure if he should say anything more. "He thinks everyone wants to… use him…" He hopes that his point has gotten across, hopes that she understands.

"Brother, will… he get better, will he ever remember us?" Lavi looks at Komui, wanting to hear what he thinks, what he has to say.

"I don't know… I need to talk to Cross…"

Lavi is in the cafeteria, is sitting down by himself with a plate of food before him. He doesn't feel like eating, he doesn't feel like doing much. He wants Komui to hurry, to find out if Allen can ever get better.

But the man insists on letting Cross have a few days to rest… after all, it doesn't look like he is going anywhere soon. The redhead picks his fork up and stirs his food about, the spaghetti reminding him of Kanda's soba. He frowns a little deeper, thinking about how long it has been since he's seen him…

Too long…

Lavi feels annoyed now, at everyone and everything. Kanda doesn't know…won't know. He pictures his friend, pictures him returning and seeing Allen run after Cross… The redhead suddenly sits up straight, realizing something.

He hasn't seen Allen in a few days.

Cross is on his way to the cafeteria, is on his way to get lunch when Lavi comes running down the hall. He frowns seeing that the younger redhead is heading towards him. In truth he has no reason to dislike the young man, other then his usually peppy attitude, but he hasn't seen that in a while.

"There something you want?" Lavi comes to a halt a few feet from the General.

"Have you seen Allen?" There is a strange look of fear in the green eye that makes the older man frown.

"Not since I left him in his room…" Cross knows it the second the sentence leaves his mouth, knows that Allen takes things too literally, knows that the boy will do anything he says.

"Take some food taken to Komui's office, I'll being him there, I don't think the cafeteria is a good place for him right now." Lavi stares at the man, unsure if he should trust him…

"Alright…"

Allen is lying on his back in the room.

He is silent.

Has been silent since his Master left.

His stomach hurts a little and he does not understand why, has not felt such a sensation before. He closes his eyes and tries to sleep, like he had at the Circus, though sleep doesn't come so easily, not like before.

Allen trusts his master, believes the man will come back for him when he needs him, like he had before. He rolls onto his side, pulls his legs up to his chest, a pain hitting his stomach again.

That is when the door is opened.

Cross is standing there, a slight look of panic masked by annoyance showing on his face. The man enters the room and shuts the door behind himself. Allen has not left the room, just like he had told him too.

"Your stomach hurt?"

"Yes… Master… why?" Cross frowns, stares at the boy slightly confused.

"You're hungry right?" A part of him does not understand why Allen has not died of starvation by now.

"Hungry?" The boy just stares at him, confused… Cross decides not to try and think of this right now. He knows that spending time alone with Allen is bad, knows that he needs to tell Komui about the Lotus Curse…

…and that he might cave if left alone…

"Stand up." Allen does at told, his kimono still on, sloppily though. "Why haven't you changed?"

"Master is to choose my clothes, choose what he wishes to see me in…" The boy stares at him like he is the one to not know anything. Cross shakes his head, knowing that he can't have the used to be exorcist running around the Order in a mini dress. He moves over to the dresser in the back of the room and opens the drawers, pulling out a white button down shirt and black pants.

"These are your things, you can do what you want with them… Change and then come out. I'll be just out side the door." Cross leaves the room before Allen can strip, before he does anything he shouldn't.

The hall is almost empty, almost because a finder walks by every couple of minutes. They glance at Cross, at his annoyed expression and hurry on their way. The man is still waiting for Allen, still waiting for the boy to dress himself. It shouldn't take so long…

The door opens up and the red haired man looks to his side…

And nearly faints…

He closes his eyes, wanting to slap himself for his choice in words, for telling the boy he could do as he wishes with the clothes. Cross takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself. Damn I need to find a cheap whore…

"Master-"

"What did you do to the pants?" He cuts the boy off, opening his eyes, staring down at Allen. At least he found his boots…

"Circus Master always had me show my legs… It was to entice my patrons…" Cross looks away from the boy, from the damn small shorts he has turns his pants into. He didn't want anyone to stare, to notice Allen in a mini dress…but his attempt to put him in regular clothes has back fired.

Everyone will see Allen in knee high boots and tiny shorts…

"Whatever, lets go." Cross turns and practically races down the hall, finders and Order members turning to see the boy as he hurries after him.

The door to Komui's office is slammed open. Lavi and the Asian man turn to Cross, a little unsure of what to make of his flustered appearance and sudden entrance. He stares at them, half between embarrassed and mad before walking into the room, Allen following behind him.

Lavi moves to shut the door, seeing a crowd of Finders trying to look in. He coughs at the sight of them gawking, partly amused and partly mad.

"Cross…why is he in… shorts?" Komui stares at Allen, at how wide eyed and bushy tailed he seems, at how innocent he acts…

"I gave him pants and he made them shorts." The man grits out taking the boy's shoulders and directing him towards the Asian man's desk where three meals have been laid out.

"Eat until you're full." Allen nods, staring at all of the food. He takes his seat before looking back at the red haired man.

"How will I know I'm full?"

"You just will." Cross turns to Komui, prepared to tell him about the Lotus, about the rest of the information he knows… except he realizes just what Allen has said.

"You've never been full before?" Part of him knows the answer to that, knows that the past Allen was never done eating… Lavi stares at the boy, at the person who used to be his friend, trying to recall a lost bit of information in his mind.

"You never ate at the Circus… did you…?"

Allen turns his attention to Lavi and stares at him, stares at him with large and clear colored eyes. He does not say anything, does not open his mouth to speak, only turns back to Cross and waits for the man to speak to him. A minute passes, then two, three and Cross becomes impatient.

"Answer!" He snaps.

"Yes, Master." Allen turns back to Lavi, "No we never ate, there was no need. The Circus Master… she did something when I arrived, when everyone arrives so that all we need is sleep."

"Well you need to eat now, otherwise you'll get sick."

"Is that why my stomach hurts?" Allen stares at Cross and Lavi frowns deeply, hating how the boy looks to the man, how he acts like he is everything to him. Komui watches as Allen picks his fork up and starts to eat after being given a response.

"It looks like the Walker boy finally returned to the Order."

The air is frigid and the ground is caked in snow, snow that is still falling from the sky. The stars are bright and the moon is even brighter, glowing. The Finders are huddled around a small camp fire they have managed to create in a clearing of the forest.

"He's been gone how many months?"

"Six, I think…"

"I thought he had been killed by an Akuma." There are two Finders, one who has arrived that day and one that is going to be leaving the following morning.

"Yeah since no one talked about him and Miss Linalee was crying all the time."

"I wonder where he was."

"I think he was captured by the Noah."

"They wouldn't let him live would they?"

"He could have become a traitor, like that Suman…"

"His innocence would reject him though."

"True…" Silence sets in for a moment as the frigid air shifts briefly, not enough to put the fire out but enough to make it smaller. "He isn't well though."

"Like how?"

"Well I got to see him before I left, actually on my way out of the Order. He was wearing the General's coat and screaming, Miss Linalee went to hug him and he freaked out, said he's sorry and that he doesn't want hur-"

"SHUT UP!" The two Finders jump and look over at the foot of a tree where Kanda is sitting in a meditation pose. "SHUT UP OR I WILL MAKE YOU!" The two close their mouths, having almost forgotten the Exorcist was there.

"You gossip like a bunch of fucking house wives!" The Finders frown, constantly surprised by the swordsman's anger. The one that is leaving the next morning decides to be bold, like few are.

"Don't you want to know about the Walker boy? He's your friend too right?"

"I don't give a shit about the moyashi." Kanda snaps before standing and heading into the forest with Mugen.

Allen has finished eating and is sitting behind Komui's desk. He is watching Cross, watching Komui and Lavi. His Master is sitting on the couch silently. The room has been silent since he started eating.

"You done?" Cross is back to sounding exhausted.

"Yes, Master." Allen watches the man sit up a little more, watches him signal for him to come closer. Lavi hates how his friend is so obedient.

"Komui, you know that he has a Lotus on his back, but you don't know the rest of it."

"There's more?" The Asian man was silently hoping that there wasn't.

"He's cursed." Lavi says it bluntly, says it knowing that it's true, says it staring straight at Allen.

The boy just blinks and turns back to Cross.

"Allen you remember what the woman said, what the Circus Master told you before you left…"

"Yes Master I do."

"Can you tell them?" Cross asks because he knows that he cannot repeat it himself, cannot deal with this much more.

"Don't make him say it." Lavi's voice is curt and laced with a suppressed anger, hatred and resentment for the man.

"Does Master wish for me to say it?" Komui watches how Allen ignores Lavi, watches how he pays no attention to him, only to the man he calls Master.

"The Lotus on his back is his time limit with us."

"Time limit!?" Komui isn't sure if he is more shocked or more worried.

"He was loaned to me, to us, that woman's idea of a cruel joke I guess. The petals on the Lotus mark his time, when they're all gone he will be too." Allen opens his mouth, to speak, but waits for the man to give him approval before doing so.

"I have to spread my legs for Master." Lavi's face contorts in a sign of disgust. He opens his mouth to voice his thoughts but is cut off by Cross.

"Not me. Allen never loved me, it's supposed to be who he loved. He has to sleep with the one he loves." Komui blinks, slightly confused.

"Allen was in love with someone?" The Asian man looks over at Lavi who throws his hands up in a sign of defeat.

"Don't look at me, if he loved someone I had no clue!"

"He did, and now we have to figure out who it is." Cross turns Allen around, pulls the back of his shirt up and looks at the Lotus, at all thirteen petals.

"It looks like it's more then four days before one disappears…" The man lets Allen's shirt drop, has him sit on the couch. "There's also one more thing…"

"And that would be…?" Komui asks seeing Lavi frown.

"I can't be left alone with him."

"That's an understatement." Lavi says it before he can stop himself, says it before he realizes the affect of his words.

"I know, I'll cave and if I'm with him then we'll lose him, completely…"

Kanda kicks the tree, his shin aching a little from the force. He hates finders, hates how they gossip about every one of them. Just from the past few he has been with he feels like he knows far too much about Allen, Lavi and Linalee.

He's heard how they think Allen's gay, how they think he was secretly sleeping with Linalee, how he's been gone for so long, how Lavi's been acting strange, been hovering around Linalee and Komui, how Linalee has been crying so much…

He hits the tree again, knocking some snow to the ground with his force.

"…fucking hate finders…"

"Oooh what naughty language you have." Kanda draws his sword in one swift motion, turning and pointing it at the voice of the one who spoke.

A girl, a small girl…

The Noah girl.

"What do you want?"

"Earl-sama wants to know where Walker's gone…"

Allen is lying on the bed in his room again, has been brought back by Cross, been told that he'll come back sooner this time. The boy believes him, and obediently stays.

Stays because he has been told to,

Stays because the man is his Master and he only knows how to obey…

Linalee is sitting in a pew, is in the church inside of the Order. She has a bible on her lap, is staring down at the open book, her eyes unreading. She is trying to find something to ease her mind, something to believe in…

Though she feels like she has lost faith long ago…

The church is empty, filled with scented candles and beautiful statues. Most of those that still pray do it daily, at mass that is held later on at night. She closes her eyes and recalls when she first attended, recalls the first time she was reunited with her brother…

The first time she brought Allen…

The door to the cathedral room is opened quietly and Lavi looks in. He spots the female instantly, unsure if he should bother her right now or not…

"Dear Lord, who I hate so much…" Her voice is shaky, is trembling and Lavi knows that she is crying. "…please… please bring us salvation…"

The bible is sent flying across the room in a fit of rage. Her sobs start up, as she whispers things to her self, as she begs to be saved. "I don't want this life anymore!"

Lavi feels like it's time to intervene but as he moves to step into the room he pauses.

"So just praise the Lord, you said!" Linalee leans over, hugging her chest. "Allen you are so STUPID! You said to praise the Lord but you are a fool! His damned Clown! The one that dances for everyone, watches others be granted happiness, watches everyone get saved… why…" Her voice cracks and Lavi feels like he can't breathe.

"Why can't you be saved, of all the people why can't you be saved…?"

Lavi leaves the room, his emotions making him dizzy, the emotions that he shouldn't have. He lets the door shut quietly, heads down the hall, to the place where he can find peace, to the one that can ease his mind.

The room is large and Allen feels small in comparison. He looks around, looks at all the finders filtering in, taking their seats. He watches Kanda enter and move to the front row, watches him sit down on the empty pew.

"This is the church." Linalee looks at him with a smile, her hair still long, still held in pigtails. "You can come to mass when you please but most finders and exorcists attend daily… Kanda, on the other hand, comes once a week…" Allen nods, still in awe of the statues, the serene beauty of the room.

"The Exorcists are meant to sit in the front but you don't have to…Lavi prefers the back…" Allen nods, glancing at the redhead who is walking towards them.

"Want to sit together for your first one?"

"I'd like to sit in the front…" Linalee nods, smiling almost as much as Allen. The three of them head to the first pew, move to sit down. Lavi chooses to be next to Kanda, calling him Yu-chan, saying that he has a soft spot for religion.

"Shut up." The Asian man grits out.

"No curses or death threats in the cathedral?" Lavi nudges his friend in the ribs, looking at Allen who just gives a small chuckle.

"So even the great Kanda is in fear of the Lord?"

"Che," Linalee shakes her head, sighing lightly to herself.

"So Allen, have you always believed?" The youngest teen turns to look at her before smiling, a smile that Kanda feels is fake.

"I have to. I praise the Lord, thank him for my life." The three of them can feel the strange melancholic tone behind his words, something Linalee almost asks about, almost because Mass starts up then.

So just praise the Lord…

Lavi knocks on Komui's door lightly, almost as if he doesn't want to be answered. He waits a moment, waits for the man to answer. When no one says anything he knocks a little harder, a little more urgently. The door opens this time, Reever being the one on the other side.

He stares at Lavi, at the expression on his face and steps off to the side. Komui looks up from his desk, from a paper he had been working on. He gives a week smile and before he says anything Reever leaves the room.

The young man stands just inside of the door, remembering what Linalee had said, what Allen had said so long ago, it was almost his birthday…

"Something you wanted to talk about?"

"…" Lavi stares at the ground, his head spinning and his chest tight.

"Lavi?"

"…why did it have to be Allen?" Komui opens his mouth to reply, to say something, when Lavi continues. "Why does it always have to be him?"

"You want to sit down?" Komui watches the redhead look up, watches him almost lose his balance. He is standing before the young man can move, is helping him move towards the couch, helping him onto it.

"The Noah targeted him, removed his arm, tried to kill him…" Lavi shakes his head, his thoughts spinning.

"Just say it, say what you want, it'll help." Komui knows that if the redhead doesn't speak, doesn't let his emotions out he'll have a break down. He sits down on the couch, next to him. Lavi instinctively leans back, leans against the Asian man.

"Why does Allen only look at Cross?"

"Because he's his Master." Komui closes his eyes, thinking of how close in age Linalee is to Lavi. "Because he was the one to take him from the Circus…"

"I would have… I should have just gone after him…"

"Don't beat yourself up about it."

"If I had saved him, had brought him back things would be different." Lavi closes his eyes, the room spinning, making him feel worse then before. "I hate how Allen obeys Cross."

"He won't always be like that."

"Right, we need to find out who sweet little Allen-chan was in love with," he says, and there is a note of bitterness in his voice. "We need to find who that is and have him fuck them." Komui closes his eyes, hating how vile Lavi sounds.

"It's a male, I'm almost positive."

"Is that why you never cared about how much time Linalee spent with Allen?" Lavi opens his eyes, glances over at the older man. He nods his head, just barely.

"I don't know who it is though."

"We can't mention this to Linalee…" The redhead shifts, unaware of his actions, of how he feels so comfortable at the moment…

"She's not strong enough…"

"I'm not either…" Komui sighs, and shifts on the couch, turns and does something he knows he shouldn't. He hugs Lavi and reminds himself of the young man's age…

Allen is lying on his bed, almost asleep when the door opens, when Cross walks into the room. The boy sits up, stares at the man a moment before speaking, asking what he has been asking for days now.

"Does Master wish to use me now?" The man steps forward, sits on the edge of the bed and presses his lips against the boy's, tasting his willingness. Allen opens his mouth, allows the man's tongue into his, allows him to dominate him.

He can taste the alcohol in his Masters mouth.

And he obeys because he knows of nothing else

… :/ well…honestly what do you think? Up until the Linalee in the church scene I was thinking that this chapter wouldn't be as angsty as the rest…then my music shifted to Dir-En-Grey's Glass Skin, the version on their Uroborus CD :D I love~ that song, sooooo much X3

It's where I got the praise thing from, because the song makes me think of Allen, and how he is so hopeful despite what happens… Haaa I like the Lavi and Komui scene ^ up there too, I wanted to do more, to…. Hehehe…. But I decided to wait :3 The next Chapter will be called: How to Please O///0///O I just realized how that sounds with this chapter ending! >.> <.< >.> DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS! ;D and you'll probably get a double chapter update so don't fret… just click the arrow button…

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~