Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Bad Hair Days Spare No One ( Chapter 4 )

A Balm for Social Failure

(Chapter 4: Bad Hair Days Spare No One)
Light x L

L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
(A/N: updated the formatting - spacing issues 9-6-08)
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Chapter 4:


Light was in a horrible mood. One night of missed sleep had thrown off his whole schedule.

He was nearly compulsively obsessive when it came to sleep, but not without reason. Without it, the mind and body could not function at their peak performance. Concentration, memory, reaction time and looks were all affected. Yes, Light thought while fingering a section of less-shiny-than-usual hair with disapproval, all of these were critically important.

Light hoped L appreciated what he was going through due to that rendezvous last night, that he appreciated the trouble that missed sleep would cause him. Already this morning, he had blundered his way into two social engagements for the coming weekend, unthinkingly taken the direct route to Building B for his Calculus 4 class which was fraught with excessive numbers of starry eyed admirers, forgotten his lunch on the counter on his way to the school so he would be forced to eat food other hands had prepared unless he decided to eat nothing at all, and his hair looked limp and dejected.

He favored L with a spiteful thought or two.

Why was it that L seemed to run fine, no, better, when he went without sleep? That his ink-black hair looked all the more interesting for never being graced with the shine of good health, or a hairbrush. That the smudges beneath his eyes were not unsightly or puffy - as they would have been were Light to allow lack of sleep to marr his features - they were merely dark accents to his unusual, almost wholly black eyes. That was probably why L's blank looks were so effective - with eyes so dark, there was no visible pupil to give him away in most lighting.

Light tuned out the drone of his Physics instructor, having already covered the next three sections on his own before becoming too bored with the simplicity of it to continue. He brushed a thumb over his lips distractedly. There'd been no way to tell, for instance, what was going on in the detective's mind that first time Light had caught his wrist. No way to tell the source of his agitation. L's black eyes reflected the light and kept inquisitive people out. Only the wideness of his eyes and the unsteadiness of his caged hand belied any sort of panic.

Is that why he had forced L into the same situation again? To discover what could possibly have made the unflappable detective feel off-balance? His thumb pushed past his slightly parted lips and he tested the flesh with his teeth, like L was wont to do. It was firm, and vaguely pleasing as he bit down. He could liken it to putting one's teeth to a ripe fruit - something to savor. Images of a distracted L, his thumb poised thoughtfully against his lips tangled with Light's view of him last night.  Eyes closed as if to shut him out - so close he could almost smell the warmth of L's pale white skin, the quality of his fear, his uncertainty, like something intoxicating. Light bit down a little harder, recognizing the feel of his quickening blood as he realized he had been drawn to the smooth curve of the other boy's neck. That if the other had not jumped back, he would have felt quivering flesh beneath his lips.

"Yagami-kun, would you mind solving number 42 on page 356?"

"Of course," Light said graciously, standing up and making his way to the chalkboard. He disliked the interactive portion of class. It was wildly unhelpful to him, and broke his train of thought. Though he was grateful that the lack of sleep had not overwhelmed his ability to notice when he was being addressed. He worked out the problem on the board with precision, in his careful and perfect script, then bowed to the Instructor and retook his seat. A murmur of appreciation rippled through the class, and he smiled modestly to himself for their benefit.

L. L. L. Where was his shadow today? He had been nearly used to the inconspicuous staring. And the lack of it just now... was unsatisfactory. He picked up his pencil, pretending to take notes. It had taken him off guard at first, that he seemed to be interested in L for more than just his mind... but the evidence was present and irrefutable. It wouldn't do to ignore it, hoping that something would change. He disliked people who acted like that. Avoiding what was right before them. Better just to accept and work things to your advantage...

Could L be worked to his advantage?

Was he capable of desire? Or would this be one of the areas in which they were opposites? 

If he could only ascertain the source of L's unusual behavior during their encounters, he could plan accordingly. Was L weak to physical closeness or was there something else plaguing his mind? Either scenario was likely...

He would need to delve further into this, but for that, he needed L.

---

Light tapped the keys of his computer terminal's keyboard mechanically while harboring a festering frustration. Tonight was the second evening that he'd shown up to headquarters, after long boring days at the school without his usual shadow, eager to gain some headway in his analysis of L - but the detective once again was not present.

This behavior was atypical as well. From what he'd gathered from the other task force members, L, while not around at all hours, always seemed to be around when Light was. They joked that L probably felt better having someone smarter around to talk to. Light silently agreed. But that made it all the more baffling that he would continue his absence. For what reason would he avoid the only person on his level? If it were merely that he were a suspect... then L would be at his side watching for any incongruous behavior, would he not? That left his rescinded confession from the other night, or his wariness at being close to people. Embarrassment at an admission or fear of physical contact. If it were the latter, Light wondered, was it all people or just him?

Dammit, L, I can't figure this out if I can't watch you.

Light consulted his watch.

9:00p... Another wasted night.

He saved the files he was working on, exited the applications, and stood with a weary sigh. It was the most he could allow himself - it wouldn't do to let exasperation color his behavior.

He pulled the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder and bade the remaining task force members and his father goodnight.

"Oh, Light," his father said, "leaving early?"

Light made himself smile, "I always leave around this time. I can't let my studies suffer too greatly after all."

The police chief looked at the time in surprise. "Hn - I thought it was earlier."

"Don't stay too late?  Mother and Sayu have been complaining how they miss you." There, all of the perfect son comments were out of the way. Now focus on things of greater import. Light turned to leave, but his father called to him.

"Wait just a moment, Light." Yagami-san rustled some papers into his briefcase and swatted at some resilient wrinkles in his suit as he stood. "I'll come with you."

"Uh- Ah," he assented haltingly. The train ride home would be infinitely less relaxing if he had to keep up his "good-son" facade the whole way. But it couldn't be helped. It would be strange of him to reject his father's company. "They'll be happy to see you. It's been three days this time, hasn't it?"

Recently his father had taken to working non-stop. The 'don't stay too late' comment Light offered had become a bit of a joke. The police chief didn't often stay here to sleep, but coming home to crash and then jumping up as soon as he was conscious just to do it all again made it seem like he was never around. His mother and sister really were going a little crazy without him, expecting him to somehow make up the deficit. They were practically hanging off his elbows whenever he came home, and it was all he could do to secure time alone for himself.

"Has it?" his father said absently. "It's hard to keep track anymore."

They left headquarters, maintained a steady silence in the hotel elevator, and stepped out into the night. On the short walk to the train station, his father began a halting conversation.

"So, Light, how have you been? You aren't neglecting anything in order to help the investigation, are you?"

"No, father. I am well up-to-date with my studies, and I get the proper amount of sleep."

"What about your social life? A young man your age should have plenty of offers from his classmates."

"Ah. Well, I do, of course, but I do not want to distract myself too much from my goals. I have seen the results of that in my classmates too many times to count."

"Light," Yagami-san sounded a little perplexed. "You shouldn't assume that hanging out with your friends will make you irresponsible. A boy your age needs friends around. It's a healthy outlet for the stress of school."

Pah! As if he would waste his time with those useless creatures. "I don't mean to imply any disagreement on that matter. In fact, I have two engagements this weekend." For the first time, he could be somewhat glad of the annoying snares he'd fallen into. He couldn't allow his father to be disillusioned. "I am far enough in my studies that a break should not set me back."

"Ah," his father sighed, relieved. "That's good."

Light prepared to resume their previous silence, but it was not meant to be. His father was going to insist on beating this awful conversation into the ground.

"And are you dating anyone?"

Light was appalled. Of course not! If I don't want to be friends with them, why would I wish to date one? "No one at the moment. I have had several offers, but none of them have particularly captured my interest." Understatement.

Yagami-san looked perplexed again. "Is there no one interesting enough to make you want to approach them?"

Light pretended to consider this, though in actuality he was fending of his brain's insistence on feeding him images of L.  "Possibly," he relented, "but I am unsure as to how it would be received."

"With your achievements and that face, I wouldn't think that any girl would pose much of a problem..."

"A-Ah." That was a rather awkward thing to hear from one's parent. Light hoped his lack of response would lay this topic to rest.

"It... It is a girl, isn't it?" his father said worriedly.

Light let out a sound of horrified indignation, "What kind of question is THAT to ask me?"

"Well, you see," Yagami-san hurried to explain, "you never really showed much interest in girls in general, and at your age... so I wasn't sure if-"

"So because I don't paw and salivate on females to the point of disgrace, that makes you assume I'm GAY?" he hissed the last, not wanting to be overheard. When had his "good-son" and "perfect-student" image fractured so?

"I'm... sorry, Light, that was unnecessary of me to say."

Light steamed. Unnecessary? How about unfounded? "What a conclusion to jump to. Mother would cry if she knew you'd said that to me."

His father shifted awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Forget I said anything."

At the least, Light thought, crossing his arms over his chest as they waited for the train, it gave him an excuse to ignore his father for the remainder of the journey.

---

"Light, you're home!" Light's mother fluttered as he stepped in the door. "Do you want dinner?"

"No, I'm fine, but I think father would." He stepped aside so she could see his father trailing in the door after him.

"Honey," she gasped, turning to her husband, "is everything ok? You're home so early!"

"Yes, dear, everything is... fine. I just thought I should take extra time to spend with my family."

"Oh!" She clapped her hands excitedly. "Sayu will be so pleased. Light, tell your sister on your way up to your room, would you, dear?"

"Of course."

"Are you sure you aren't hungry?" she fretted.

"I'm fine, mother, I'm just going to study a bit before bed," he smiled and waved her off with a playful hand. "Goodnight."

Light trudged up the stairs, the smile falling from his face like a discarded paper mask. The faintest crease marked his brow as he sank deep into thought. How was one supposed to feel when one of their parents thought they were gay? It was perplexing. He had never thought of himself that way. In fact, the assumption had to be faulty for while he didn't have much interest for girls, he had none for boys either. Just L.

Just L... and he didn't think of L as a boy, per say. It's just that he happened to be one.

Was that enough to label him as gay? An attraction to one particular person? He didn't think so. If anything, that kind of logic was product of a society determined to slap a label on everything. A society he had no need to cater to as he would be changing it very soon.

"Sayu," he called as he knocked on his sister's door. "Father is home."

He heard her squeal of delight, and quickly ducked into his own room, lest he be pulled back downstairs.

When the danger had passed, he flopped down on his bed and regarded the ceiling.

If L truly were wavering in his attempt to catch Kira, that would afford him some new possibilities. The thought of exterminating the detective, when he had brought such relief to the boring tedium that was Light's perfectly constructed life, had never sat quite right with him. However, he had resigned himself to bear it when weighed against his own execution.

And L surely knew that he was in the reverse position. That he must catch Kira or forfeit his own life.

But what if Kira and L came to an agreement?

Was it possible?

Light closed his eyes. He made himself relax every muscle in his body one at a time, and slowly, the tension started to ease its steel claws and afford him a semblance of peace. He indulged his mind, allowing it to wander now that he was in the sanctity of his room.

Dark eyes flooded his vision. Precious bruises framing their wideness. Adding so much vulnerability to the spooked look they carried.

L...

Ryuuzaki...

White, white skin. A rare flush of embarrassment lighting those high cheekbones. He'd seen it only the once, but it was burned into his memory. His only regret was that they hadn't been alone. He couldn't pursue. Had the others seen their champion make that face? Avert his eyes?

He wanted to see it again.

He might've, having nearly reconstructed the scenario once more, only it had been dark. Too dark to see such things. Too dark to do anything but listen... and touch.


What would it have been like that time... if you hadn't pulled away...

...if my body had stayed on its treacherous course... Would the taste of your skin be as intoxicating as I imagine?


The scene from before rose in his mind, playing out the same as it did in reality, altering course only at that crucial point.

~~~~~~~~~
"Are you suggesting I made you wait on purpose, Light-kun?" L stared at him with wide, deceptively innocent eyes.

Light had the urge to wipe that false expression off the other boy's face. As if he could not tell the difference between this and sincerity. "That's exactly what I'm saying, Ryuuzaki. And to what do I owe this disrespect?" It was disrespectful, but more than that, it was a challenge. A challenge from someone worthy of him. He felt exhilaration start to trickle through his veins, speeding his heart's pace.

L paused, his face adopting an air of contemplation that suited him much better. His vision was turned inward, leaving him open to Light's advance.

Light reached out to stroke the soft skin of L's wrist, the one he'd caught in his hand just the other day, remembering with satisfaction the look that had been on L's face.  The flustered, harried look that had made it seem such an easy task to bring the other boy to his knees.

"Is it because of earlier?" Light asked in a soft, low voice, leaning closer. "When I did this?" His hand encircled L's wrist and a small shudder ebbed through the captured limb. His quarry's eyes slid shut, inviting further liberties. Light found himself drawn to that vulnerability, to the sweep of throat exposed as L averted his head. He hovered over it, inches away,teasing himself with the thought of indulgence, of pulling soft flesh between his teeth and making the other boy react to him. Would he cry out? Gasp? Or would he try to maintain silence?

Light held himself back from taking that final, irrevocable step - the wrongness of the situation making him want it all the more. He felt L's hand trembling in his grasp, felt the tension chasing through the detective's body... he could hear his small, quick breaths.

Light leaned into him as far as he dared, so he could feel the reaction as he mocked the other boy in a low tone against his ear. Layered with concern, "Why does it upset you so?"

L shuddered against him unwittingly with a quick intake of breath. He tried to jump back but Light was ready, and held him fast. "What's wrong, Ryuuzaki?" he teased, enjoying the sight of the detective coming undone. Every shake, shudder, or breath, he cataloged with gleeful efficiency, his pulse speeding each time the stakes of this game increased.

"L-Light-kun. I am going to request that you release my hand."

Light ignored him; the stutter was merely fuel to the fire. "Are you scared, Ryuuzaki?" He breathed the name like a caress, watching the shameful effect it had on the dark-haired boy. "Is it because you suspect me to be Kira?" he continued, loving the reactions that his words alone were able to invoke. "Or is it something else?" his voice lowered with dark amusement.

"S-Something else?" L asked, in a sad attempt at detachment.

Light allowed himself the barest touch of lips to skin. Feather-light. But control was such a hard thing to bear when he was being overcome by the heady scent that enveloped him and the warm flesh beneath his tongue.

"L-Light?" the voice shook deliciously.

Light sank his teeth into luxuriously yielding flesh, pinning L against him and loving the strain that arched the slim body against his and the gasp that tore from his throat. L's struggles were token resistance, he could feel the shudders as he mouthed and teased his skin and could hear half uttered syllables fall from the other boy's lips in a stream as Light's hand worked down his stomach and over a hip.

Light's own breathing was coming fast. He marveled that merely touching someone else was burning him up like this. He sought L's lips and savored the pleasure that peaked in him at L's moan of protest, and the nails of his free hand digging into Light's shoulder.

That's right L, I'll pull you down to my level.

Scratching, and biting, if need be, until you lose yourself in this.

Until you can't control one reaction, one thought, one look, without my consent. 

~~~

Light awoke instantly, his eyes greeted with the shinigami's grinning head floating before him like an evil piñata. "What?" he snarled, as he tried to get his bearings, his voice coming out weaker than he'd intended. Room... My room... No L... Dream... FUCK. Why did everything truly worthwhile have to be in a fucking dream sequence? Couldn't life put out a little??

Light took a bracing breath. His dream had been disrupted, but the evidence of his enjoyment, in tormenting the detective, was making his slacks distinctly uncomfortable and tight. Not to mention the desperate, throbbing ache riding his body. He twitched. And all from a dream. He'd never had a dream like that about anyone. So why did the first time have to turn out like THIS? It had started out so well -

Vexation at the dream's interruption battled with his horror that Ryuuk was watching him unabashedly, and would have seen everything had he - climaxed.

Vile!

"What are you doing in here?" Light hissed, sitting up and checking the time.  4:30am. He actually fell asleep in his clothes and slept through the night? Disgraceful. That meant he hadn't the chance to wash his face the evening before, or brush his teeth, or study. Now he was in wrinkled day-old clothes, a day behind in his studies, with an arousal he desperately hoped had gone unnoticed by the damn shinigami floating over his head like a decrepit vulture.

This was pathetic. If he ever got a hold of L, he was going have his way with him and make it as humiliating as possible.

"Apples?" Ryuuk said innocently.

"Like hell. I've already told you to just grab them yourself."

Ryuuk floated around the room a few times, with dangling limbs, laughing lightly to himself. He ended alighting on Light's bed and crouching over him. "I wasn't sure at first if the noises you were making meant you were ill," Ryuuk said, not sounding apologetic at all. "But with that nasty reaction, and your subsequent embarrassment, I realized my mistake." He grinned, "Apparently even you are not above human desires."

Outraged, Light jumped to his feet. But, knowing there was nothing he could do to smite the fucking thing, he grabbed his bathrobe off the hook on the door and shut himself in the bathroom for a cold shower.

Cold water struck him like an insult.

He seethed.

Why would Ryuuk mock him for being human? He glared at the wall, not really seeing it. He was human after all, so it was only to be expected!

His hand formed a fist against the shower tile.

True... but then, why was it pissing him off so badly?


---
TBC