Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Competition ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A Balm for Social Failure

(Chapter 15: Competition)
Light x L

L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer

A/N: Thank you to "? ( )", an anon reviewer that gave some kickass feedback!!! Also, to LawlietDen (hugs) and everyone else. You help give this story LIFE! And you help me survive this healthy eating kick i am subjecting myself to. (no coffee, soda, alcohol, or anything that isn't rabbit-food Huah!) :O

Why am i doing this? The way i see it... if two somewhat reclusive, questionably-athletic genius types can have washboard abs, SO. CAN. I. XD (motivation, woooo!)

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Chapter 15:

"Liiiiiight," Misa whined with a girlish pout. "I thought we were going to go out on a date after this."

"Misa, I'm sorry, but it would be unadvisible to go out in public with such an auspicious thing as a pair of modified handcuffs, attached to my and Ryuuzaki's hands."

"Then make him take them off," she demanded.

Light glanced over his shoulder to where the detective was currently taking up residence. Tucked into an overstuffed chair and speaking to Watari with dessert fork enhanced hand motions, L was giving them space to 'be alone'. It was a gesture, nothing more. The cheesecake on the detective's delicate china plate was a pleasant diversion, but nothing that would fully occupy him or keep his attention off of their conversation. Nor would propriety.

He was unable to speak freely.

"I'm sorry Misa, but L is steadfast on this." He had so many plans he needed to set in motion, utilizing the girl to act where he could not. That, and he had not yet managed to convince her to make the deal for the eyes. What did she care if she relinquished half of her remaining years? Wasn't it a romanticized ideal of girls to die young and beautiful? Wasn't that the sort of poetic drivel they flocked to with shining eyes? She should be pleased he was offering her the opportunity to be close to him in exchange for such a paltry sum as that. How could she refuse?

Misa flipped her straight blonde hair over her shoulder in a coy and sulky fashion. "But Liiiiiight, I only agreed to bring you your tests because I thought we would have some time alone together." Her large blue-grey eyes were annoying. They were also decorated with a phenomenal amount of eye makeup. It was done with no small amount of skill, and it was obvious that she took great pains to mold herself into the trendy goth-lolita style she favored. Oh, if only she could use her time more effectively...

Light scoffed internally. Short-sighted fool. "You know I would rather it not be this way..." He cultivated concern and regret in his words, and offered her a rueful smile.

Her hands went to her hips and a frown marred her face. "First, you get grounded for I don't know how long," her voice was grating, "then, you get chained to a weirdo," and rising with every word, "and now you're telling me we can't even go out on dates!?"

Light bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to maintain his role. As if he would willingly subject himself to the wheedling and constant pouting that this position of 'boyfriend' crippled him with. Did she really believe that acting spoiled was endearing her to him?

She tried another tactic, deciding then to latch onto his arm. She batted her eyes at him and whined. "I miss yoooooou, Liiiiight. When are you going to kiss me like you did at school that day? It's been sooo long."

"Yes, Light-kun," L chimed in, "when are you going to give us all a nice public display like that again?" L was still eating his cake, and his back was mostly turned. Light glared at it.

Misa popped out from around Light and stormed over to stand before L, legs splayed in an aggressive stance. She looked down her nose at L, hands fisted on her hips. "You... perverted little monkey!"

L blinked and looked up slowly, "Are you addressing me?" He and Light were equally surprised and very nearly amused. Light caught the flick of a dark eye before it settled on the self-righteous female before him.

"Yes, I am! How dare you watch my Light kiss me! That is so improper and - and vulgar."

"It was not my intent - I was passing by when-"

"Silence!" she said, pointing an accusatory finger an inch from his nose. "You're a pervert and a weird little freak. Who sits like that? And barefoot? That is just awful-"

"Misa-" Light tried to interject. But the stupid girl was on a roll.

"-Not to mention these horrible baggy clothes and your awful hair, and it's no wonder you feel the need to stare at other people's love because you are not likely to get any for yourself."

L made a sad face, the appropriate response, but Light noted that his eyes were blank. He was acting the expected part, while guarding and suppressing his emotions... which, in fact, were likely to be the same as the role he was adopting. In effect, he was being open without claiming the emotional ownership of it. Misa had actually discovered a sore spot. Light made a mental note that she wasn't completely useless. "I'm sorry I am so unworthy," the detective said in a placating faux-anxious voice, "But surely you know it would be a difficult thing indeed to attain such beauty as to compare with yours, Misa-Misa?" Ah, and here is the embellishment... L had no interest in Misa, he was certain of that. "I've long ago settled for the less glamorous role of fan. I hope you are not so put out by me that I will not even be able to request an autograph?"

Light had to applaud L for his performance. Misa was starting to look guilty and appalled in equal measures.

"Y-You're a fan?"

L looked away, as if embarrassed. "For years now."

Misa's face bore her true embarrassment like a brand. Insulting fans was a no-no in the entertainment business when reputation was so vital. "M-My goodness," she stammered, her voice pitching up as she switched into meet-and-greet fan mode. "Years? I'm so - pleased to hear that.... and um... all of that before, I was joking. Ha ha. Of course I will sign something for you."

L gave her a beaming smile. Utterly fake, Light surveyed with impunity, but convincing... and also kind of cute in its earnestness.

L rummaged around on the table beside him. "Here, sign this." He held up a piece of glossy white cardboard that until a moment ago had provided the bottom lining of a box of scones, and a marker.

"Um..." Misa said, politeness coating her reluctance. "There is also some paper over there at the printer I could-"

"No, no, it has to be this," L insisted. He noticed the profusion of crumbs on the cardboard's surface and wiped at them with his sleeve before holding it out to her. "Cardboard will last longer, after all."

Light watched in awe as Misa gingerly accepted L's offering, taken in by the allusion to making her fame a more permanent thing. L was doing his best to get her back for the things she'd said by repulsing her, Light was sure. It was actually quite entertaining. L was a fair actor as well, which begged the question... was he good enough to act out that little scene the night before, or had it been a dream? If L had purpose, could he act out a role that opposed his nature? Could he subvert his tendency to avoid intimacy and engage it on his own?

"Now, Ryuuzaki," Misa said in a syrupy voice, "since I have been so nice to you, can you not let me borrow Light for a little while?"

L gave her wide, buggy eyes. "Of course." Before she could squeal in delight and triumph, he added, "but I will have to accompany you."

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Misa latched onto Light, to his dismay, and buried her face in his chest. "It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!" Light dutifully patted her shoulder with a long suffering expression. L caught his eye and gave him a smug inquisitive look. Light scowled. Don't drag me into your games like this.

Misa took advantage of her position, being wrapped around Light, and felt him up a bit.

Light stiffened in surprise as a small hand squeezed his cheek through his khaki slacks. Was this girl for real?

"Are you sure you can't get rid of him, Light?" Misa said breathily. "I thought that since we are at a hotel, it would be easy to... you know...." she pressed her chest against him in a suggestive manner. What to do with an overly solicitous female? This was perplexing. Surely it could be made advantageous in some way if it came down to it - if he really couldn't think of a viable way to turn her away without inciting female rage, or to accept without accepting... But would accepting secure him a more loyal second in command? Perhaps then she might dutifully get the eyes... Light played through that scenario and suppressed a shudder - the thought of doing anything of that nature with Misa was an unexciting prospect.... tactical gains or no.

The burning heat of jealous eyes made Light look up.

Deep, rich eyes glowed darkly at him from L's pale face. Light found himself quite taken with the effect of it. Perfect. You are perfect like that. A brief moment more and L had the emotion sealed away, but it was enough to spark an idea.

"Misa," Light tilted her face up, "as much as I would love to take you up on that..." She gazed at him adoringly and with frustration. "I'm afraid it's not possible. Not unless you can get past the idea of having a third person with us." A dark pair of eyes bored into him with unpleasant sharpness. Well then, I see I have your full attention... Whatever will you do, Ryuuzaki?

Misa seemed to deeply ponder that and weigh the consequences versus the immediate gratification. On the one hand, she could finally get Light to commit to some action. On the other, there would be a witness. A stalkerish dark-eyed freak, no less. He'd probably enjoy the show. But to actually get into Light's pants seemed nothing short of a miracle. Maybe it would be worth it... she could ignore the monkey - pretend it wasn't there. People have sex all the time with their pets around and think nothing of it, right?

"Light-kun, I'm afraid I would be the one to protest such a thing." L met Light's eyes and the connection between them sizzled. Light smirked inwardly. What was the quality of it? Angry? Jealous? L's eyes narrowed slightly and he broke their gaze with forceful snap of his eyes and the fluid adoption of his Misa-fan role. "I-I would be completely overcome to witness such a scene." He skulked up to Misa's side. Even with his hunched posture, he towered over her. Invading her personal space enhanced the effect. He was trying to intimidate her. "Misa-Misa, please understand that I could not be privy to such a thing," he fretted. "And yet, I cannot leave Light-kun's side."

Misa tilted her head. "Misa's unveiled beauty would be overwhelming, it is true..."

L nodded emphatically, and for some reason, Light got the impression he wished to kick her.

Misa gave L an assessing look. "You're not so bad... in an anemic, darkling sort of way. And you actually do have rather nice skin... Maybe I could tolerate having your involvement, if only it gives me a chance to be with my precious Light."

"M-Misa-Misa, I do no think that Light meant for me to join you... I do believe-"

"You were fine with being a voyeur, what's the problem?" she huffed.

"Well, by definition, a voyeur..."

"You were creepy for watching us together in the first place, and it would be less creepy of you to be involved instead of just watching everything."

L actually flushed a little at her forwardness. "T-That's..."

Light recovered from his momentary lapse of thought. He couldn't believe she was willing to participate in such ho-ish behavior! She was supposed to be appalled, maybe angry, and ultimately compliant to letting the whole thing go. He hadn't meant for her to take him seriously. "Misa, that was a very amusing joke, but let us stop the matter here."

"I'm not joking," she snipped. "I'm worried. How long are you going to be chained to him? And you're a boy. Boys have urges, and chained to him, there is nothing you can do to take care of those. How long before either of you goes crazy and something happens?"

L and Light exchanged a glance.

"And this," she reached for the chain and rattled it. "is so short that you must be forced to sleep in the same bed. It's a nightmare waiting to happen."

"Are you proposing that a 3-way would be an acceptable preventative measure?" L asked incredulously.

"Well, at the least, it would mean less sexual tension, and that should only help."

L gave Light a complicated look that could only be taken to say, 'Light, you are dating a whore.'

"Logically speaking," L started in a dismissive voice, "the instigation of sexual involvement of any kind between two people is only going to make it more likely for a repeated occurrence. Despite your plan to involve the three of us, you are only going to be increasing the odds that Light or myself will seek gratification with the other as you would have removed the obstacle of unfamiliarity."

"That doesn't make any sense," she said stubbornly.

"Allow me to put it more bluntly." L walked to the door, pulling Light along with him. He called over his shoulder, "We will return in a moment, Watari."

Once the three of them were out in the hallway, L led them to an alcove off the beaten path that housed one of the ice machines for the floor. "L has the hotel room monitored by countless cameras," L said obliquely for Misa's benefit. A condition of Misa being allowed to be the courier was that she think "Ryuuzaki" was just an underling of L's. She was not to know that Ryuuzaki was the L in charge of entrapping Light.

"L sounds like a jerk," she huffed.

L ignored that. "Now, Misa-Misa, as I wished to expound upon earlier, a 3-way is no simple thing. You would have to be ok not only with there being an extra person present, but with relations between you and myself as well as myself and Light."

"I know that - I'm not stupid."

"But theory and practice are very different things, are they not?" L countered. "For instance, you would need to have no objections over something like this-"

Light suddenly found himself being pushed against the wall with L's warm, succulent mouth covering his own. A chaste kiss would have illustrated the point sufficiently, but L chose a deep, violating kiss instead. The unexpectedness of it sparked through Light with wanton appeal. He forgot for a moment anything outside L's greedy mouth, the hand fisted in the front of his shirt, and the joy that surged through him at the feel and taste of the dark-haired boy, rich on his tongue. His eyes slipped incrementally closed.

This... may be the proof I wanted... the dream that may not have been a dream at all...

Your hand is played if you let me know all of what you are capable of.

To show this side of yourself in the light of day... have you slipped up without realizing it, L?

Prying hands yanked insistently to pull them apart. L conceded and moved back.

"That - T-That..." Misa's face was bright red, her expression caught between thrall, embarrassment, and anger directed at L. "Don't you do that again, you pervert!"

"I told you it was likely to bother you." L was unapologetic and, by all appearances, unaffected by their kiss. Light knew differently. He had felt the tremor shudder through the other boy's body. He'd felt the aligning of their perceptions and the hyper-focus that extended between them when they touched. He had seen the fever-light in those dark eyes that would be mirroring his own. He licked his lips.

"N-N-No one has to k-kiss like that while we do it! That was - that was your own perverted nature shining through!"

"So you perceive a kiss to be more personal than engaging in-?"

Misa clapped her hands over her ears. "Don't say it! I don't like when you say it. You're so analytical, and it isn't supposed to be like that."

"And does Light-kun talk about it any differently? Does he wax poetic on love? I admit I would be ignorant on the matter if such were the case."

Light sneered at him. Do you favor poetry, Ryuuzaki? Would that be all it took to pacify you? Could I shackle you beneath me with lines of verse? Or is it that love would do the binding? Is that a word you desperately need to hear? Could I enslave you with a word?

"O-Of course he does! He... He's sweet to me and tells me how he loves me and wants me all the time!"

Light scoffed. Flaccid lies. He'd never done any such thing, nor would he ever. That Misa was merely feeling threatened, however, was quite interesting. Threatened by the way they fit together so well, perhaps? Knowing already that she couldn't compete? He ducked his head as a pleased smile curved his lips. This is why I pursue you L, even she can see it - there is no better match for either of us. The smile turned sharp. But I was not amused by your little game last night... You've been found out and you will bow back down before me - your little power trip is finished. Mine, however...

"That was inappropriate, Ryuuzaki," Light chided, showing his face once more. "Did I give you permission to engage me in such a fashion?" He hinted at a parallel between this moment and the situation the previous night.

L gave him an annoyed look, clearly thinking that that was nothing compared to all else that had transpired between them. "My humblest apologies, Yagami-kun. Had I ever suspected you would be against it, and would not enjoy it, I never would have done so."

Light raised a perfectly shaped brow. It's quite a risk to talk of enjoyment in such things in present company, L. Are yours made of brass then? And, how cleverly you twist your words to suit both levels of our debate. Yagami-kun?? Ah, so you are openly admitting it to me? Your honest deception? 'Likely a dream...' you said, counting on me to look past such an obvious ruse and question myself instead. Indeed, it worked. For a time...

"Does it increase your ego to think that I would enjoy such a thing?" Light said with disapproval as he met L's gaze over Misa's head, stroking her blonde hair as she latched to him. A crooked smile was fighting to present itself upon his face. He could already see that self-doubt was surfacing in those onyx-black eyes with such a small statement. A tiny chink in the armor. I could break you. That most formidable of armor the dark-haired boy had hidden himself beneath. That's right, L, you like it when I invade you. You enjoy being chased. You are not the hunter you attempt to be.

"Misa, perhaps we should forgo this idea of yours," Light said gently. "I do not think it will go the way you would like it to."

"But, Light! I-"

"Shhhh." Light tilted her face up to his. "I was also never one to share." He kissed her, cutting off further useless arguments, and reveled in the toppling of L's defenses which he could practically feel without seeing. From this point forward, renegotiation was paramount. L would be his without restrictions and demands, and without his silly plays for power. L just had to realize how few his bargaining chips truly were, and if using Misa was a means to that end, so be it.

---

"Ryuuzaki. I think we need to talk."

Misa had gone home, as had many of the men that were working on the investigation. Only Mogi and Ide were hard at work in front of the glowing monitors. L and Light were in relative seclusion on the other side of the room. It was private, if they kept their voices lowered.

"I think talking would be a moot exercise at this point." L felt obstinate. Whatever ground he had gained in the earlier play involving Misa had been lost. He had gambled high and had been inordinately pleased with his own execution of things, but Light had wrested the upper hand from him again almost effortlessly. He felt toyed with. Light was surely delighting in watching him struggle and flounder.

"I hardly believe evasion to be more productive."

"That is your prerogative. Believe what you will." The kiss bothered him. Had Light really found it imperative to kiss that blonde whore in front of him like that? Was the other boy so certain of his jealousy? Of his inability to extricate himself from the twisted shape of their tumultuous involvement? The root of the problem was Light himself. He knew he had become indispensable and was taking as many liberties as he could with that. In addition, he wove a thick web of hope, fear, and longing that was not an easy thing to escape. Light was a master at crafting situations to further his purpose. Did it benefit him to make L jealous of a harlot? To see him embarrassed? To infuriate him? To seduce him against his will and better judgment? But for what gain?

He couldn't be entirely false, L thought. If so, he would never so openly show his disdain of Misa and his lack of interest in being physical with her, and at the same time express the opposite regarding me. Even so, I do not trust him.

Light calmly lounged in his chair and examined his ridiculously perfect nails. It seemed he sensed L's train of thought and this was his flippant response to it. "I suppose we are at an impasse, then."

"..."

Light looked up with a droll, bored expression, though a smile inevitably wound his lips. "What would you have done had I accepted her misguided proposal?"

"It doesn't matter. There was no way the three of us would assent to such a situation."

"I think it does. Would you have refused out of propriety, or accepted out of jealousy?"

"Stop pursuing this." Light's words jarred and racketed through L, feeding something in him he couldn't quite give name to. It was dark. Ugly. Violent. Obsessed. He felt his irritation rise, his natural defense against that thing. Would he have accepted out of jealousy? Would he be so naive as to think he could dull the influence of the girl if only he were there? Foolish. And what of himself? His standards? Barring that - how would he handle intimacy with another person, and in a situation such as that? Anger. Would anger have helped him act out a role so distasteful to him? Or had he, in the back corner of his mind, wanted to capture Light's focus and attentions in that situation and show her how impossible it was for her to compete? Wasn't that what he had been thinking when he kissed Light in front of her?

Was he that desperate to have a special claim on the brunette??

L's eyes were drawn back to Light as if the other boy had them on chains he could draw at will. A sharp wrenching pulled at his chest as he traced the contours of his tormentor's face, beautiful all the more for the expression of his inner self in small details such as the set of his lips or the angle of his arched brows. His eyes were averted just now, but L had no doubts Light knew he was being watched. Dark gold lashes nearly touched his smooth cheeks - so long and delicate - adding to the air of angelic regality he oft times possessed. Was it this contradiction that engaged him so? This didactic show of cruelty wrapped in and obscured by the pristine, soulful face and demeanor? Did it intrigue him that none seemed to see past the veneer, and yet he could? Was he so lost because he saw this pool of darkness and had never been forced to drink of its full bitterness?

Was he content that they saw into each other, and that Light was content to play with him, never attacking at full force? Was this his perception of affection?? Was he trying to interpret Light's actions and reasoning, forming a complicated map by which only he could truly know the other boy? Was he convinced that if he did this, he might have a better claim on him, or that he may perceive caring where others would not?

You are too clever not to realize all this. So, what if the map I thought I'd expertly crafted was actually drawn by your hand? You could choke me in your netting while I search for the good in you...

"Ryuuzaki," Light whispered, much too close to him for comfort. "I sense that your opinion of me is flagging..." It rippled through him, the smile in his words was all too evident. He was feeling playful.

"Light-kun, remember our surroundings," L quietly said back, cognizant of the two remaining task force members. It was uncanny how Light could tell when he was just distracted enough to be moved in upon.

"I never forget them," Light said silkily. L felt Light's words, his presence and his intent wrapping around him sinuously, twisting him up in the spiral of the brunette's focus. Amber eyes glowed at him now, unshuttered, golden.

L glanced towards the late-nighters, anxiousness fluttering in his stomach as he turned his attention away from the viper at his throat. They were speaking quietly as well, utterly involved with whatever data it was they had up on the screens. Or hell, it could have been illicit videos for all L knew. He didn't have a direct line of vision to the monitors anyway.

Breath and soft lips against the column of his neck ripped L's attention back to his own side of the room, spiking through him with voracious wanting. "W-What are you doing?"

"Must you ask?" Teeth tested his flesh. L shuddered.

This was different, unprecedented. Light had never taken action where others could see. What did this mean? Another change? A shift? New rules? L's chest constricted. This was terrifying, and yet helplessly he stood by. Light was drawing him in and he was reacting.

"Call it a night," Light murmured. "There is no use in us staying here." God, that voice...

"We cannot always retire so early, they will start to suspect -" I'll be eaten alive...

"L, I'm not in the mood to be denied." L ignored his body's impulsive reaction to that, drowning it in thought. L? There is that particular slip-up again... always in situations such as these... when you are impatient... What is the name you call me by in your own mind? Am I L? Am I Ryuuzaki? And the significance of either one...

Light spoke into his ear, his voice a velvet threat. "I can make it so they have not one shred of doubt how close these handcuffs have truly made us."

"Would that not harm you more than I, Light-kun? I for one, do not have an overprotective father..."

"I love how stoic you can make yourself appear, when I know you are positively trembling inside."

Light's gaze was steel bathed in gold.

"You know this?" L feigned. "Intriguing. I fail to agree with your assessment." Light was hunting him. They both knew this. In times like these, it was all so transparent. The posturing, the tactics, the struggle. It would likely always end the same way.

Light smiled and it was as disturbing as it was beatific. "I can taste it on your skin."

"Can you taste also my disdain for you?"

The smile turned a few degrees colder. "An interesting word you chose, Ryuuzaki. And one so untruthful, I'm debating calling you a contemptible liar."

"So harsh from one determined to win me over while trying to destroy me."

Light paused, radiating disapproval. "As you well know, I respond only in kind."

"If you were Kira, that statement might actually hold merit."

"And if I were, would you hunt me down with a pack of dogs? Would you parade yourself as a champion of justice while they ripped the flesh from my bones? Would you wish my blood on your hands?"

"Would you like to be more succinct if this was to be an admission? I don't think what the cameras have so far is likely to stand in court."

L felt a wash of rage emanate from Light, so strong it was palpable. His expression, however, was schooled. He pulled back and began to laugh. "What an excellent sense of humor you have, Ryuuzaki." His voice was raised enough that he could easily be overheard. "You may be holding me here indefinitely, in chains, but you are the most amusing captor one could ask for. In lieu of that, who would mind being trapped with you and having one's life and activities stop for no apparent reason? Ahhahaa."

Of course, Ide and Mogi's heads had risen like little gophers to witness the act. They moved closer.

Ide was looking perturbed and Mogi was frowning more than usual. Ide, the spineless, eyebrowless twit, decided to speak first. "R-Ryuuzaki... perhaps this confinement is too much pressure on Yagami-kun?" He glanced at Mogi. The broad-shouldered man nodded and crossed his arms, saying, "I agree with Ide. None of us agreed with your decision, and the more time goes on, the less we approve."

Unbelievable, L thought.

Well, actually, it wasn't. He could have expected as much from two such as these. Short-sighted, narrow-minded fools. It was no wonder tracking Kira had proved so impossible with a team of dead weight such as he had. Not one of them even entertained the idea that Light might be Kira, and all for the stupidest reasons. Because he seemed NICE? Because he acted so young, earnest and pure?? It was laughable and yet it made him so angry.

"Perhaps we should put him back into solitary confinement?" L said with false indecisiveness. "Do you suppose that would be a better approach?" He reigned in the vitriol suffusing his voice, but enough remained to widen their eyes. "Perhaps my bit of compassion was ill-placed, what do you think?"

Ide's mouth clamped firmly shut. L turned to Mogi, and waited for him to speak.

"Ryuuzaki, I think... this confinement you have undertaken is as much a strain on you as it is on Yagami-kun. Neither of you have been acting normally for a while, and the whole task force has been concerned over it."

Of course it was strained, with Light pushing him into unwilling debauchery and now, their battle for dominance...

"What I'm trying to say, Ryuuzaki..." Mogi paused to run his hand through his close-cropped black hair "...is that maybe one of the task force members can trade off watching over Light if you insist on continuing this."

Again, laughable. Infuriating. "And should I trust that you will pick up on anything useful, should something be unwittingly revealed?" His voice gathered strength and speed. "You, who all doubt that this young man has it in him to be a killer? You, who doubt that even the best of intentions could still lead someone astray given the right circumstances?" L's voice hardened. "I am not keeping him here as a pet, Mogi. He needs more than this ineffectual 'watching'. He needs to be constantly monitored and assessed and frankly, none of you are capable."

A muscle jerked in Mogi's jaw. "So, you do see us all as being beneath you."

Ludicrous, to even have to address such a thing. "I see you as beneath me in experience, unlike many of you who dismiss me for my age. I did not attain my position as L through goodwill and luck. I have gained it through proving myself over and over. My appearance is not a direct reflection of my mind. Only simple people believe such things to be so."

"Please, everyone, let us not fight like this," Light said tiredly. He had every look of the tormented, kind-hearted schoolboy. All innocence, and a will to endure hardship as gracefully as possible. What an actor he was.

"You make me sick," L said with contempt, albeit childishly. He'd had enough.

Ide and Mogi blanched in response. See? They were too witless to even realize he'd been addressing Light, though he had been facing them. L found he was being perhaps a bit more cantankerous than he would have liked, but he couldn't help it. They had frayed his nerves and patience to the quick. His mood would likely not improve by enduring their presence further. Two gullible fools, and a tragedian.

"I'm done for this evening. Goodnight." L made his way for the exit, and was mildly surprised when his captive did not follow. As his arm pulled taut, he took a deep, steadying breath to calm the irritation that flared in him at being denied his egress, before turning around.

Light was facing him, his legs set in an aggressive stance though the rest of him maintained the helpless schoolboy shtick. His eyes were wide and his face drawn as if he feared going with L was like being led into the lion's den. Less apparent was that mile-wide streak of stubbornness and sadism that remained elusively, yet very much present, in his honeyed eyes. He played 'victim' seamlessly, but L was going to make that more difficult. "Is there a problem Light-kun?"

"I don't want to go yet." Weakness trembled in his voice. The others were taken in. Too easy.

L slouched up to Light until the other boy was forced to move back a step. "But Light-kun, it was you who were so insistent we leave and be about other things. You know, given my preference, I work late into the night."

"Other things?" Ide asked Mogi under his breath. "What do you think that means?"

"Uh... chess, maybe?" he whispered back.

"It... didn't sound like chess..."

"Ryuuzaki, why would I say such a thing? You make it sound as if... I would... would initiate..." Light actually managed to get a believable blush to spread across his cheeks before he looked away with demure embarrassment.

L felt his face go deadpan. Light must be extremely annoyed, for him to go to these lengths to be so frustrating and destructive. Hadn't the brunette admitted conspiring to have them cuffed together? Hadn't he stated that any confirmation of their intimacy would have his father breathing down their necks? What he was doing now flew in the face of all of that.

"Light-kun, I hope you are not implying that I would ever require or act upon something of an indecent nature with you."

Light crossed his arms over his chest and hugged himself as if traumatized.

"Ryuuzaki... I don't know exactly what's going on here," Mogi said brusquely, "But I think maybe we should call Yagami-san."

L leveled Light with an even, probing stare. Is that your intent, Light? You could not bend me to your will, so you will make another play for freedom in order to continue on as Kira? For why else bring your father into this? Why else would you falsely confirm their suspicions that I was taking advantage of you? You know how badly this eats at me... or is hurting me your aim?

"No, don't call Father..."

They all looked to Light. He hugged himself tighter. "I don't want to bother him so late at night. I'm sure you all know how rare it is for him to take time away and get proper sleep."

"But, Light!" Ide said despairingly. "Even so, you can't be expected to deal with something like this!"

"He's right," Mogi agreed. "If there is something more to this than mere confinement, it is not something that should be tolerated."

L wanted to smack Ide and Mogi. Idiots. How could they not recognize this fabrication? Why was everyone so blind?! Light... Light he had a severe urge to kick. In the face. It was also inordinately irritating to see this sham parading around via Light's body. I want to see the real you. I know it's in there... biding its time. In this moment, it's as if you don't exist - so fully do you adopt these roles.

"If you call him, he will do his best to swing his weight around and have me released. I'd like nothing more... however, I know that that will not clear my name and will only make me seem a more likely suspect. Then, all of this will be for naught." Light looked up at them, and L saw what looked suspiciously like tears glistening in Light's eyes. "Thank you. Both of you. But I can endure a little longer. I don't think I could bear being released only to be confined once more at a later date."

This martyrdom is repulsive, Light. It is a shame it is working so well for you.

"Ryuuzaki... I'm sorry I... lost my cool." Amber eyes, illuminated by a false persona swiveled reluctantly to face him. "I just get worked up when you say things to me sometimes and I suppose I forget that I... can voice my opinions and state what I do and don't want instead of merely reacting as I did."

L peered into those eyes, and saw it - a glimmer of the real Light. This was a dual apology. One for their ears, and one for his. Light was actually upset over their exchange. Well and truly upset. Which now made sense as before he really had been voicing incriminating things in range of the microphones to pick up. The rage was perhaps because he momentarily did forget himself and his surroundings, of which L had reminded him? Which part? Which part of it sparked such a reaction in someone so untouchable....?

"If you were Kira..."

"...if I were, would you hunt me down with a pack of dogs?"

"I have given you an apology, Ryuuzaki, should you not offer one of your own for what you have said to me?"

"Would you parade yourself as a champion of justice while they ripped the flesh from my bones?"

"Would you wish my blood on your hands?"

It wasn't so much what he had said, but what he didn't say that must've set Light off.

"Would you like to be more succinct if this was to be an admission?" That had been a warning. A harsh, unfeelingly delivered warning, but one nonetheless. Light would have recognized that. He was angry because he'd needed that reminder to come back to himself.

It was such a cold and bitter end that Light had painted. Ripped apart by demons the one you cared for had set upon you. All for the sake of a justice he wasn't sure he believed in... Was this why Light had evaded his demands, why he had refused to be straightforward when L had asked him if he were Kira? He was afraid of being turned upon in the very instant of admission?

Or did he care? It was a pretty assumption, but who was to say this was all not another trap, expertly set, to assure Light achieved immunity from L? With L's devotion secured, he needn't worry about being known as Kira?

L took his time, choosing his words carefully. This... This was the crux of all their confrontation... They both craved acceptance in some form. L felt he would never gain and hold that from an equal, whereas Light's deeds decreed he shut off all such desires because they were not useful to him in bringing about Kira's world. Kira felt guilt. He had branded himself unlovable to avoid confronting the fact that his actions had become so heinous that no normal person could bring themselves to look past it. He was merely donning a label before others could apply it themselves.

"I would always want honesty from you. You should know I value the truth, maybe more so than I value justice." Working as a detective, it was always about truth and knowledge. I never particularly cared about justice. Justice, to me, was winning. Solving a case. That, in my eyes, was of more importance than a rusty, corrupt ideal. Justice is blind in more ways than one. Without all of the facts, justice is not only blind, but skewed and wrong.

Light's eyes quickened to his words, the subtext that to him was as good as clearly spoken. His face remained the boyish mask. Ide and Mogi remained alert and uncomfortable, completely ignorant to the true dynamic that was playing out.

L continued to speak on both levels, hoping to simplify what Light had complicated for him. "I apologize for making you feel as if you could not speak freely. That was never my intent. Though I must argue your methods of bringing this to air, as well as your allusions to my intentions."

Mogi gave L a hard look. "Are you saying he's lying?"

"I'm saying that I never tried to initiate anything of the nature Light-kun is referring to. And certainly, my motive for confining him was never more than a desire to serve justice." L amended in his head, By "serve justice" I also mean "win". Light's father was making me feel defensive and angry and, therefore, quite competitive. If I killed two birds with one stone... that just makes me twice as happy and that much more productive. L read a faint glimmer of amusement in Light's eyes.

"I never knew you cared so much for "justice", Ryuuzaki... I could almost say I am moved by how admirable you are." L scoffed to himself. Only you won't because what you are really saying is, 'my, you care about winning so much, it's rather childish.'

"Perhaps that is why we get along so well, Light-kun?"

Light allowed a small smile to grace his face. It was still within character, but more resembled a true expression than anything thus far. "That could be."

Ide interrupted. "Wait, what do you mean 'get along'? I thought you were... upset, Yagami-kun?" Ide was trying to be delicate and understanding while not smothering the young Yagami's pride. Admirable, he supposed, if it weren't so imbecilic.

"Why yes, normally we get along far better with each other than anyone else. Surely you don't think it uncommon for two people to have a quarrel now and then?"

"Well, no. But..." Ide looked perplexed and a little put out. Mogi's crusading fire seemed to be dwindling as well.

"Ide-san, I apologize, but it seems I have dragged you and Mogi-san into a bit of a misunderstanding. It is one for which I could be fully blamed, and I take that responsibility. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for listening and being so concerned for my well-being."

Ide flushed a little and nodded dumbly. Mogi stood stolidly by, dipping his head in a curt, slightly embarrassed fashion.

Light favored them with a blinding smile, thanking them again - thus driving them to pack their things and bid a hasty goodnight.

"I am appalled at how well you keep them all in the palm of your hand," L said dryly after they left.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ryuuzaki." Ah, L thought, wary of the cameras once more. You know I can erase them. You don't trust me even now? Or do you fear Watari may be privy to our continued discussion?

"Hmmm... perhaps I am merely speaking from exhaustion," L relented with rolled eyes, to appease the brunette's paranoia. "Would it please you now to call it a night, or must the stars align themselves further?"

"Let us go before your mood has a chance to sour and endanger us both," Light tossed out glibly.

L headed for the door for the second time. This time, Light followed. "I find that my empty stomach is more likely to sour my mood that anything else at the moment."

"How carefree you are, Ryuuzaki. Perhaps I should endeavor to be more like you?"

"Perhaps." The thought pleased him. "Were you aware that highly skilled detectives are more able to shape the world than even the most exalted of the police force?" That should appeal to your complex, should it not? But is it too obvious? Is it a risk to express his desire to see Light's brilliant mind bent to more savory, and less massively illegal tasks? The hallway carpet was cool under L's bare feet.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were dismissing my chosen profession as an insignificant waste of time."

"But of course, you know me well enough to know I would never do such a thing." You would be too good for the police. And you, like myself, do not care overmuch for authority and rules. It would tie your hands and cripple you. "I would not put it past me, however, to suggest a better application of your skills when one is so obvious." L smiled and held up a finger. "Acting, for instance..."

Light cuffed him in the head. "I could say the same for you."

"Oh, but my skills pale in comparison to yours."

"Well, now," Light said silkily. "Isn't that an interesting thing to say. I can't say that I would argue the fact."

L was alerted to the sudden change in voice. The banter had turned sly and seductive. He knew those tones. Intimately. Amber eyes sought his, burning with restrained intensity. L's heart jumped in his throat as Light steered him bodily into the shadowy alcove they had frequented with Misa not so long ago. The hum of the ice machine was a familiar sound. Their positions were reversed. Now L had his back to the wall and the brunette stood before him. Would Light try kiss him? Calm. Calm down, L. Nothing is going to happen. We just barely got past a scene that was going to ruin any semblance of anything between us...

"Do you want the truth, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked him, pressing close, but not touching.

God, I actually want him to. I want him to kiss me. We came so close to a parting of ways - I felt that as clearly as anything - that it's like years have passed since we were so close....

"Yes, I want it."

Light bent to his lips, melting his insides with the barest of caresses and pulling his soul from him in a steady stream. "Fool," Light said softly. "You ask for the truth and yet you always ask for so much more."

And you ask for the universe, and all manner of impossibilities. "Speak it, then, unless you are incapable of uttering nothing but falsehoods."

"Has anyone ever told you, Ryuuzaki, that you have quite the silver tongue?"

Silver-tongued? You know that flattery and eloquent banter are not my forte. They are yours. "You sound like you're wasting time."

Light's hand fisted against the wall, next to L's face. He frowned deeply. He had been stalling. "This should not be so difficult... everything is as much as said..."

"Is this in regards to you being Kira?" L asked helpfully.

Light glanced at him sharply and paused, debating. "...No," he said slowly. Cautiously. He waited a moment, but L said nothing, so he continued. "It is of a more personal nature."

More personal than your orchestration of the biggest fraud of all time? "I'm listening."

Light let out an explosive sigh and released him. He pushed off the wall, frustration etching his features. "Why are you being like this?"

L blinked. "Like what? I haven't done anything."

"My point exactly." Light started to pace like a caged cat, tail lashing. "How is it that you are so blase about this? I've admitted it to you, and you haven't so much as blinked."

L let his annoyance filter into his voice. The Kira admission. "I'm taking it with a grain of salt, for now. Would you rather I make a big commotion and act like I hadn't known?" It was just like Light to fault him for something like acceptance when other people would have partaken of it gladly.

"That is just it - you didn't know." Light's gestures were animated. Comical in a dark sort of way. Tragic. "You suspected me, but you could not be sure."

"So why admit it at all?" L snapped. "It hardly seems I am capable of a reaction you will be happy with." Why admit it at all if it will only complicate things?

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki," Light snarled. "It is not possible for you to be okay with this. It's madness to think so. Your conscience would not allow it."

So, I was right. The guilt is crushing you. So much so that compassion and understanding is an unforgivable offering in your eyes. Will you lash out at me until I break and justify yourself in the cruelty of your actions? "I never said I was okay with it."

Fear. For one moment, blank-eyed panic flashed starkly across the brunette's face.

Gone again.

"Well, make up your mind, Ryuuzaki." He sounded like a snobbish aristocrat, laughter burbling to accompany something unpleasantly spoken. "I can't very well have you sitting the fence on this one, can I?"

L ignored the threat. Light didn't truly see him as a danger... yet. "This still isn't what you were going to say to me before. I want to know what that was, and why that was so difficult to speak of."

"The truth?" Light said dramatically, the smiling laughter gaining force. "The truth, the truth, the truth...." Before L knew it, pinning amber eyes were swallowing his vision. His breath caught in his throat. No matter the situation, Light's close proximity had this effect on him. He shuddered and his mouth felt dry.

"You want the truth?" Veiled threats. Light's lids lowered as if he were divulging a carefully guarded secret. "I enjoyed watching your jealousy... your turmoil, your anxiety... your fear." He spoke softly, murmuring so close to L's mouth that he could have claimed it with the barest of movement. "I loved provoking you and chasing you. I took every opportunity. I took you against your will, and it thrilled me." He laughed and it was hard to tell if there was mirth behind it or not. "This is the sort of being I am, Ryuuzaki. My true nature. This is the sort of being you find yourself tied to. One you are right not to trust." The smile was like razorblades. "I could turn on you in an instant."

L flinched back. He tried to blink past the paranoia and fear that were clouding his head. If all of that were true, why was he saying it? What purpose would it serve?

Cold. He was so cold. And Light was warm where he draped across him, but he was so cold that his limbs were shaking and he couldn't make them stop. Light was voicing everything that had ever occurred to him. Every fear. Every doubt. Everything that had ever wrenched at his soul and made him want to run - run and hide away from the world forever.

Only... it didn't sound right. Calm, L. Be rational. You have to always be rational with him. Too many things, details, clues got lost in the maelstrom of emotion. He couldn't afford that.

What does this really look like? This was unlike the brunette. All those things... it was as if ... Light was trying to drive him away because he felt he was not fit for, or was incapable of affection. The thought had occurred to him earlier, had it not? What if sex had been safely labeled as a conquest? This... this new turn between them, and the developing relationship was different. Seen as more than a conquest, it was dangerous. Was this behavior a rebellion against the emotional aspect of their relationship that Light had been avoiding recognizing as such? For all of Light's unguarded moments, and his constant "you can trust me more than anyone", he had never expected L to take him up on it. He had always had the benefit of emotional distance.

He had expected to have to fight his way out of here. He had always expected betrayal.

Is that what makes killing so easy for you, Light? You have condemned humanity for the faults of a few? You imagine anyone aside from yourself to be worthless, not to be missed when they are silenced forever on Kira's whim? Is this how you sidestep your guilt?

How far you have fallen.

"Self-depreciation does not suit you, Light." The weight was heavy in L's chest. He could be wrong. He could be wrong. And wrong or right did not lesson the pain of hearing Light voice all of those poisonous words. This was an all-or-nothing gamble. Just as he'd always known it would be. To discover Light's true nature...

"Just as self-sacrifice does not suit you."

L needed something, to see his face, anything to have more input. The voice was not enough.

Light shifted, pulling back. His eyes were foreign. Narrowed, and closed off. Kira was surfacing. Kira was washing away the complications and making everything seem simple. Easy. Kira was his balm for guilt. Light hadn't been able to withstand getting his hands dirty for ideals that were supposed to protect people. He was not intact, and Kira was the result.

"Light." L feared the change in him. Stable. He was becoming less stable. Would he become unstable? Dangerous? L's fingers twitched. He spoke slowly and clearly to the mockery forming on the brunette's aristocratic face. "If you cut yourself off from me like this, there is no going back." He effused calm, hoping to still the progress. "If you become nothing but Kira, I will choose to turn you in, because there will be nothing of you worth saving."

Cold eyes flickered. Light was still in there.

"I could kill you where you stand, detective."

L started, but did not allow his voice to break form. It was crucial. "I'm sure you might try, but one-on-one violence isn't your preferred method." He was convinced that any aggression on his part would seal Light's fate with the emergence of Kira.

A chilling smile spread on the face that once was Light's. "Are you trying to tell me you have it figured out?"

"I believe you are using a notebook." This is a normal conversation, he told himself. Treat it like an average conversation. React to nothing. Show nothing. "And that you must have more than a person's face in order to kill them, which is one of the reasons I'm still alive."

"One of the reasons?"

L nodded. His dark hair fell into his eyes. He brushed it back. "Yes. Another is that you know I am not an active threat to you. Light had assessed this a while ago."

Kira was amused. "You speak as if we are not one and the same, I assure you that we are. Light is me, and I am Light."

"You seem largely unaware of certain things that Light knows, as well as the way he thinks."

A deep chuckle rumbled in Kira's throat. "A romanticized view you have of me, detective." Pale gold eyes assessed him, branded him a lower being, and openly mocked him. "It would be easier to believe that Kira and Light are separate entities, wouldn't it? Easier on your conscience if you were not in love with a cold-blooded killer."

L blanched. He knew?! But... Light had never let on to such a thing... This was merely Kira's supposition. Could this not be taken as affirmation that Kira and Light were split parts of a whole? Or was there a little part in each of them that was aware of what the other was doing and hearing?

Kira advanced on him, fingers sliding around L's throat. "I just love it when I'm right," Kira purred.

"Not everyone is your enemy."

"Funny, coming from my greatest adversary." Kira's lips brushed his, another mockery, and the fingers tightened about his neck. Threatening. L's hand flew up, trying to dislodge the iron shackle of his grip. Kira squeezed further and L made a choked noise of distress. Is it truly going to end like this? Amber eyes roved his face, as if enchanted.

"I think I see what he sees in you..." Kira leaned forward, flicked his tongue against L's lips where they parted for air. "...beneath the surface..." Kira shoved him roughly against the wall and forced his way inside L's mouth, his fingers digging into the pale flesh of his throat.

The air was stifling, all of it too heavy and charged and pressing too close. Ill-will, power, and greed rode the air like disease. The wall at L's back was unforgiving, holding up staunchly as L's head and neck were ground into it. Kira's hold was brutal, life-crushing, but his mouth fed at L's almost like a lover's. More gently consuming as it possessed him with the trappings of such triumphant hatred...

L felt a tear slip down his cheek in a hot trail. Kira's kisses tasted like Light's, but they were bitter. Oh, so terribly bitter. His finger trembled over the keypad of his phone, hidden deep within the pocket of his jeans. One more button and he would have Watari and the authorities here in moments. A failsafe. A code that would spring a trap so tight that not even the formidable Kira could escape.

The question was, would he be dead before they arrived to help him?

---

TBC