Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Flight: Part 2 ( Chapter 32 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A Balm for Social Failure

(Chapter 32: Flight: Part 2)
Light x L

L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer

A/N: Love me for not leaving you with that cliffhanger for another week. 0_0

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Chapter 32:

L held firmly to Light's shoulder. The last thing they needed was to leave a mark of their passing over the body, such as hair or any other seemingly diminutive shred of evidence. It was bad enough that Light had been here for days and that it would be obvious to any who came to check up on the circumstances of the man's death.

As it was, there would not be time to erase Light's existence from this place but they could take care to leave as small an imprint as possible so there was less to cover up. He would have to call in more favors, favors he was rapidly running out of for the first time, just to keep forensics from bringing out the truth and interring it in a file where it would then pass into common knowledge for those that would be working the case.

L had utilized quite a few resources to track Light down and stake out the place after the signal from the trackers came up 'lost'. He'd gotten interference with the signal when Mikami had, he surmised, taken Light indoors. The last known coordinates placed him in this vicinity, which was helpful only in determining the building, but not which apartment the two were located in. It was a large structure and it would take time to narrow down his precise location.

They came in through the east entrance but that did not mean the apartment would be located on that end, for Mikami had showed time and again that he thought ahead and took pains to evade pursuit and detection at every opportunity. So, L started at the beginning, running a list of all of the tenants, screening out the females, and the males who were underage or over 40.

This left roughly 60 individuals. The names were of no particular assistance, as Mikami had been as careful on that account as he had been about leaving no voice records at the hotel. But an extracurricular search had dredged up more or less personal photographs of the residents which allowed them to narrow it down to 20 possibilities. They couldn't be sure their suspect was not wearing a wig at the time he was caught on video, so facial structure had been the deciding factor.

The minute the trackers had started to move after such a long stasis, L knew that his quarry had given himself away. Whether the man was taking taking flight with Light in tow, or whether he had discovered the trackers and was disposing of them, the only difference was the was in which they apprehended him.

It was lucky that the man seemed unaware of the interference most trackers encountered within buildings, which usually weakened their signal to the point of uselessness, or they might not have found him this quickly. Nor would L have had such a golden opportunity to even the score personally.

They matched the signal to the man, and from there to the tenant photo, apartment number, and the name. Number 247. Mikami Terunaru. Being the second Kira, however, L doubted the accuracy of the name.

Unfortunately, since Light was not supposed to exist, it would have gotten tricky when it came to sending the tails, which he'd used to flush the man out with, off under false pretense so he could put his retrieval plan underway. However, Mikami's movements had been unwittingly helpful on that account.

They had been set to move in during Mikami's absence, but after the death note had dropped onto the floor in front of L, in the unmarked surveillance van he was in with Aiber, the retrieval plan had taken a different turn. One that made it even more essential that as few people as possible knew of this.

To take the law into his own hands... to use Kira's method of killing... to be caught at that was unthinkable. But he couldn't let the law have Mikami.

Mikami had known his name and it was only a matter of time before L would have been the one dead.

---

"Thank you, Aiber," L said shortly, letting the hidden microphone carry that last bit of information before turning it off. It was finished. There would be a car waiting for them on the other side of the apartment building. He shook Light's shoulder. "We're going."

"You... killed him," Light said woodenly.

"Yes." Technically, Aiber had killed him; but as L had specified the terms of death as well relaying Mikami's true name to the blonde man, it seemed splitting hairs to say he hadn't, just because he didn't write that bit.

L kept his face blank as Light, without memories of the death note, looked up at him. It was because L had the eyes that he knew this was so - that the notebook given to him by the Shinigami Ryuuk was in no way connected to the brunette any longer and that he had lost his memories of it. He was a pillar of stoicism to the wide, disbelieving gaze.

He'd made the trade for the Shinigami eyes after much internal debate, and after putting many questions to the black-winged Shinigami. Ryuuk told him the notebook could be lent out, and L tested this by way of Aiber. If Light had supposedly given up his claim to being Kira, L had to know for certain. So, it was only through the eye deal that he could be assured Light was in possession of no notebooks whatsoever. Unlike with the man on the grey tiled floor, L had been able to see the shadowy figures of a life span over Light's head.

L felt the tremor beneath his hand as amber eyes searched his, darting in small movements as if he could thereby assess things more quickly, thus gaining understanding. He knew before the brunette started to speak that he was going into shock. "But, how? Y-you didn't do anything... and he..."

L didn't feel anything less than satisfied when he surveyed the collapsed body of Mikami Teru. Because of the actions he'd detailed in the death note, the man had been driven to uncover his own notebook in an attempt to kill him and yet would, unfortunately, die of a heart attack before he could complete the name. It had all worked flawlessly. Now L had the second Kira's notebook, he had Light, and he had removed the person that had been a threat to them both.

The only thing he regretted was that Light was looking at him as if he were some kind of murderer. Which he was, he supposed, but that was a severe case of pot calling the kettle.

"Yagami-kun," he said sharply, trying to stop the trainwreck that was occurring in the recently-made-pristine innocence of the brunette's mind. You may not remember, but you have done much worse. Oh, but he couldn't say that. It would be best if Light never remembered being Kira, and no one ever brought it up. The incarceration would be difficult to explain, but that could come later. "We need to leave. Right now."

His voice was harsher than he would have liked, judging by the reaction it was gaining him from the younger boy, and his manner more brusque, but he was not in the mood to coddle.

They really were working within a time constraint here.

"I don't trust you," Light said as if realizing it as he spoke. His wide eyes were shading with suspicion.

Oh, the irony of that little statement. But L was too close to his wit's end to appreciate it properly.

"For fuck's sake," he spat, yanking the brunette up by the arm. "You don't trust anyone."

"Well, not if they kill people in front of me in cold blood, I don't!"

"It wasn't in cold blood; he would have done the same." L tried to be patient, but this reversal of roles was starting to mess with his head. Here it was, his first criminal offense (totally justified, by the way) and he was risking getting caught because the serial mass murderer he'd been trying to rescue was upset. "I'll explain in the car. Come on."

Light tried to pull out of his grip, his eyes narrowing. "How do I know you didn't just do something to make it look that way? Or that you won't do the same to me?"

The brunette's mind was starting to function properly again, L could see it. Light didn't know anything about the notebooks or the specifics of this situation, but he was, nevertheless, able to infer a great deal and piece things together. Typically, L held a great respect for this process, but right now it was impeding their flight and putting them at risk. Light's suspicious nature was coming through and he was perceiving L as a dangerous 'unknown' entity. A threat.

L's grip on Light's arm tightened until the other boy winced. If he had to club Light over the head to get him out of here, he would.

"Let me put it this way, Yagami-kun. If we stay here any longer, we will be arrested and charged with manslaughter. Even if they cannot immediately prove anything, we stand to face many lovely years in prison. The lesser evil, of course, would be you trusting me enough to get us out of here. The police are a certainty. My killing of you is merely a paranoid inference. Be reasonable."

Light glanced at the body on the floor, no doubt worrying that he, too, would soon share a similar fate. "We were fighting before," he said, as if testing the truth of it. Wary amber eyes flicked to his, waiting to assess his response. His face was starting to become a mask, all the emotion bleeding from its surface.

L thought it odd that Light's normal memories seemed muddied. As far as he was aware, only memories pertaining to the death notes should be affected. L recalled saying to the other boy, 'Don't make me kill you.' Was it that bluff what he was thinking of? "Yes, we were, but I swear that killing you never entered my mind. Beating you, perhaps, but not killing."

Light took that piece of superfluous honesty at the end like he was supposed to, and finally acquiesced.

L moved past him and took the hand-towel off of the oven's chrome handle, using it to push the white under-the-sink cabinet door shut so as not to leave fingerprints. He kept it in hand, as he would need it for the front door's knob as well, and gingerly picked up the death note and pen. The pen he slipped into his pocket, the notebook, he tucked into the back of his jeans.

"Please do not consider running once we are outside," L said in a businesslike voice, slanting a glance at the brunette. "My people are everywhere, and I would rather you not get shot." It was an untruth, but the other boy seemed flighty and the lie might serve to keep him in check.

Light's eyes widened as if he had been idly considering it. "Of course not."

The tone of their interaction, and Light's behavior on the whole, was disquieting. He knew Light would be different when he next saw him, as he had given up the death note and his memories, but L hadn't quite anticipated this. The disconnect he felt between them was severe. They had all the trust between them as was a befitting a pair of strangers.

L had no way to lock the door behind them, but considering it had been unlocked when he went though it in the first place, he didn't worry about it. He had had Wedy on standby in case he needed to break in, but it had not been necessary.

L stalked down the hallway to the stairs, leaving Light to follow him as a show of faith, but glancing back now and then to make sure he was keeping pace. He waited on the landing of the first flight for Light to catch up. The brunette was moving slower than L would have expected. It didn't seem to be out of any devious intent, however. Among other things, it worried L.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

He'd wanted to assess Light's condition earlier, but it just wasn't the time for that. He'd noticed a small red mark just under the brunette's collarbone, and another on the side of his neck that made him feel even more vindicated that Mikami Teru was no longer breathing. But he couldn't ask about that yet, so he clenched his teeth and pushed it from his mind for the time being.

"I... headache," Light mumbled, pausing at the top of the stairs. "Sorry. It's been making me dizzy." He put a hand on the railing for support and edged down. Discomfort lined the mask Light had been wearing. His complexion had paled somewhat.

Concern darted through L at the sight, breaking through his insistent need to hurry. "Wait. I'll help you."

"I'm fine."

L quickly went back up the steps. "No, you aren't," he said firmly, without the sharp edge his voice had adopted in recent events. "Let me help you." Bracing Light's other arm at the elbow, he encouraged a quicker pace down the stairs, catching him when he stumbled.

Perhaps it was his change in tone, or that Light's sickness was making him feel reliant on L, but the dissonance between them eased.

"You know," Light said through gritted teeth, "elevators are one of the 20th century's great marvels."

"I'm quite aware," L said in an airy tone befitting Light's attempt at humor, relieved that Light was starting to act more like himself again. "But it hardly seems worth the bother for only two floors."

"Speak for yourself," Light said weakly, leaning more heavily on L's arm.

"You aren't going to be sick, are you?" L fretted.

"Hopefully not."

'Headache', he'd said. The more L thought of it, the more he wondered if this was one of those headaches, the ones Light used to get seemingly as a byproduct of his personality trying to split.

"Almost there. Just a few more stairs." If Light's MPD was acting up, that would explain the headache, his paleness that hinted at nausea, the dizziness and even the mild amnesia, for Light did not seem to be recalling everything properly.

It had been a while since he'd last mentioned having one... As far as L knew, the headaches had stopped once Light had come to terms with his darker side, though that had caused problems of a different sort. Had something happened in the past two days to bring another personality out? Had it been the Kira one, or had it been something else entirely?

Multiple personalities often manifested when the person having them was unable to cope with something. The shift would occur, and the other personality would take control until the situation or cause of the distress was past. It was entirely possible that Light could form more than one personality, but without having observed it himself, L would probably not be able to determine such a thing.

Thankfully, they made it down the stairs intact, and out of the building; Light had yet to be sick, though if that changed, at least it was grass that would bear the insult. Light leaned heavily upon him and the warm, solid weight was reassuring to L. He'd missed the closeness more than he could put voice to.

Foreign as it would have been to him such a short time ago, he found he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms about the other boy, to hold him until the nausea and weakness passed. He would do no such thing, of course; as unsure as he was regarding how to go about such practices, he was equally uncertain about the sort of reception it would be met with.

The inconspicuous cream-colored vehicle Wedy had rented to collect them was still waiting.

Waiting to be towed that is.

The blonde woman, resplendent in her white, Russian trooper-style fur cap and her large, movie star glasses was arguing with a man who looked like he wanted to give her a ticket. L cringed. If he had been a police officer, this whole affair could go quite sour. Not only for the time they happened to be leaving a murder scene, which would make them suspects, but for the unthinkable fallout that would be incurred if the officer were to recognize Light.

It seemed as if the man was an ordinary citizen, not-so-politely informing a brassy foreigner that she could not park her vehicle at the curb and disrupt traffic, even if it was just for "a teeny moment." His cell phone was out and at the ready. She suggested that since she was only blocking one lane of a four lane street, for the briefest speck of time mind you, that he was the one making a scene and proving himself to be an un-marriageable busybody with nothing better to do. She punctuated her speech with curses in Russian, while her Japanese remained rather polite. She'd always liked the Russian language, though she was not a native speaker. She pursed her red lips with a disgusted frown as he added his piece to the tirade of insults.

When she spotted L and Light from the corner of her eye her lips curved up in a smile. She fluttered a little wave at them, calling to them with a Russian endearment, then beamed at the man, announcing that her sick friend had finally dragged his carcass outside and that she would be on her way.

To the man's confusion, she pressed what looked like a business card into his hand, pulling her glasses down to wink at him as she said he should call her some time. This flustered him (or possibly scared him) and not being able to withstand the force of her smile, he stammered something unintelligible before scuttling off.

That taken care of, the smile faded and Wedy's face resumed its typical, austere manner. "Took you long enough," she said, her voice coolly aloof; giving the impression of someone waiting for their nails to dry. She opened the back door for them. "He was threatening to have me towed."

"Thank you, Wedy."

It seemed their tardiness had made her anxious and with good reason. Much longer and she would have been forced to leave them there. He was grateful she had been able to stall the man.

She hmphed and closed his door. "I lose so many fake business cards that way," she commented as she slid into the driver's seat.

As the blonde woman pulled the car out into traffic, she reached for something on the passenger's seat then tossed it back to L. L caught the dark slip of cloth.

"If I'm not mistaken, you'll be wanting that," Wedy said, referring to the blindfold. "Oh, and I do believe a raise is in order for both Aiber and myself."

Sometimes it was a pain that two of his best people worked as a pair. Since Aiber knew about the death note so, by default, did Wedy. He'd have to pay both of them off to keep his use of it from Watari. It wasn't a problem, as they were not unreasonable with their monetary requests and had proven their worth time and time again; It was just annoying at times.

"Right. We'll talk later." He really should cover Light's eyes so he would not be aware of their location. He felt bad about it though. Light still looked rough, like he was barely holding his stomach in check.

The brunette in question had his head tilted back against the seat. His eyes were closed, but he cracked one open as he sensed the atmosphere. L held up the cloth apologetically.

Light made a sound of indignant disgust; apparently he felt a blindfold to be overkill in his current state. "Fine, fine, whatever you need." He closed his eyes again. "If I move from here, however, I think we'll all be sorry."

"Point taken, Yagami-kun."

L placed the fabric over his own eyes and tied the knot loosely, a good approximation for fitting the brunette, and slipped it off again. Then he unfastened his seat-belt and scooted across the seat, his thigh touching Light's as he turned the blindfold in his hands to a workable position and prepared to slip it on.

He paused before placing it over the brunette's eyes, allowing himself a moment to remap Light's features in his mind, tracing the high cheekbones, the long lashes and the sweep of silky hair. Relief and anxiety swirled in his chest as he looked at Light, slightly overwhelmed by the knowledge that he had almost lost him.

Mikami had almost succeeded in spiriting the brunette away from him. It was like knowing your arm was going to be removed in surgery, working to shift your mind from the reality of it so that you could get through each coming day, then having the flood of relief and backlog of freaking out that came when you were told you wouldn't have to part with it after all. Only he was pretty sure by now that he valued Light over either of his arms and would rather part with one of them if given the option.

"What is it?" Light asked.

Light was watching him warily as L came back to himself.

He felt a stab of dismay as any warmth those eyes typically held for him, even when the brunette had been at odds with him, was either covered up by mistrust or gone entirely. He berated himself for fixating on it, but he feared that something irrevocable had changed. He's potentially been through a lot. Don't start analyzing everything now.

L faked a bland look. "I was contemplating the likelihood of you making a fuss were I to mess up your hair. You're so particular about the oddest things like that."

"How nice of you," Light remarked drolly, closing his eyes again. He didn't sound convinced. "Mark that upon my gravestone when I expire, would you? Here lies Yagami Light. He had nice hair."

L had meant it as a joke, but then he supposed Light did as well; however, instead of lightening the tension, it was having the opposite effect.

He bit his lip and held the wider part of the blindfold up to Light's eyes. Still present was the ill-formed desire to hold him close, to in some way alleviate the gnawing hole he'd felt in Light's absence. But he had also hesitated because he had gotten the distinct impression that the other boy did not want to be touched. An impression that was validated by the utter stillness Light fell into as L slipped the other end of the blindfold over the crown of his head.

"Can you lift your head a moment?" L asked, his mouth feeling dry.

This tiptoeing, this lack of knowledge about what had occurred the last few days was eating at him. Is this distance all I can expect from him with his memories removed? Or is this behavior circumstantial? Is it Mikami's death that is affecting him or the MPD-induced amnesia?

Did Light even recall what passed for a relationship between them? Or, without Kira, would it not have even happened?

Light didn't speak, merely lifted his head the required amount.

Blindfold now in place, L retreated back to the other side of the car.

The thought that he may never interact with Light in the same way again panicked him. He tucked his feet up onto the car seat and hugged his knees.

I just killed a man. The thought came unbidden, drifting morbidly to the surface of his mind like a bloated corpse, the gravity of it becoming all too real between one moment and the next. L had given Light all the proper, logical justifications, but in the end, it had been jealousy that had reddened his hands. Jealousy and spite were what made him use the notebook. He'd wanted the satisfaction of knowing that that man - infatuated as he had appeared to be with Light in those surveillance tapes - could no longer touch the brunette, willing or no.

How, then, was he different from Mikami?

Mikami had killed for Light. And now, L had killed for Light. Both of them had been doing what they felt they needed to do.

And in doing such a thing, then being denied the sort of reunion he had been hoping for when he realized Light had given up being Kira (for him?), he felt guilt, remorse and shame.

Not for the act itself, but for the reasons behind it. It had been necessary if he wanted to stay alive to remove the threat Mikami presented, but there were other ways, less certain ways. The police. Jail. Jealousy may have motivated his action, but he had chosen the most effective route for maintaining his own safety, and he desperately wanted Light's approval.

Despite his abusiveness, the Light that housed Kira had talked of preserving him... But the Light that was here with him now saw killing as an abomination.

And it was. It was.

It was horrifying and abominable, and yet it had been necessary.

Necessity... had that been the driving force behind Kira's justifications? For Kira's vision of a perfect world was not evil. But killing was evil, and if evil must be done to achieve this utopia... did necessity beget action?

A chuckling caught L's attention. The Shinigami.

"How does it feel to be on the other side?" Ryuuk asked with amusement, lounging in the place between himself and Light. He swiveled his great, toothy head to stare L in the eye from a scant distance of 5 inches away.

L was grateful he could not smell anything from the shark-like maw or from the death god in general, because if looks were any indication, it would have been exceedingly unpleasant. The Shinigami also had a propensity for disregarding things like personal space.

He glared at it, but only to communicate that he could not communicate. Aiber was unaware of the Shinigami, so Wedy was too. As for Light... Light would have forgotten all about them.

Ryuuk mock-patted Light on the head, grinning with the knowledge that it would piss L off. "This guy used to be a lot of fun," he said wistfully. "Did you know he had a hell of a time hiding my existence from you? And he used to get so mad when I would watch your little human activities."

L ignored him. He already found it to be the most effective way of dealing with Ryuuk, even in the short time he'd spent with the Shinigami. He almost raised his brow at the 'little human activities' comment, but decided he'd rather not know.

"I liked him better as Kira," Ryuuk said conspiratorially.

L bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from responding, which he dearly wanted to do. Ryuuk had already figured out that L hated having opinions on things, only to not be allowed to express them due to other people being present. He'd done it with Aiber after L had returned to the van post-interrogation, and his running commentary during the events that followed were just as unappreciated.

L rested his head on his knees. I'm wondering if I do, too.

"This lady has a cool hat," Ryuuk said to him. "How many little fuzzy creatures do you think died to make it?"

Five, if it were real, L answered mentally with a sigh.

How long had Light put up with this thing? It was no wonder he went a little crazy.

"I'm hungry. Got any apples?" Giggle.

No.

"You sure?"

Yes.

"You're answering me in your head and it's annoying you." Ryuuk grinned in his face. "Isn't it?"

L started banging his head into his knees, to the chorus of Ryuuk's cackles.

"You ok, L?" Wedy asked from the front after several moments of this.

"Fine," he responded. He glared at Ryuuk.

"Tell me how annoying it is," the black-winged Shinigami suggested with a leer, "and I'll leave you alone for a while."

Promise?

"I promise." It's yellow eyes rolled for emphasis. It was disgusting.

Fine, L thought, if only he could get it to go away, he'd risk sounding mental.

"It is the most singularly annoying thing," L said, "in the existence of EVER." Acid and vitriol dripped off of every word. He had to make it count, you see, or else Ryuuk would not be satisfied. Plus, it was liberating to asked to speak his mind so directly to the source of his irritation.

Ryuuk looked rather flattered at that. L wished he could kick it.

"Er, what is?" Wedy asked, glancing at him via the rear view mirror with knitted brows.

L almost said 'nothing'. "LIFE," he said instead.

"Oh." She paused. "Well, that's not very optimistic of you," she admonished him off-handedly.

"It occurs to me," Ryuuk said with a giggle, "that it would be to my utmost entertainment to view your reaction were I to break my word."

"Wedy, are we there yet?" L asked desperately, around the thumb he was biting to hold in his scream of existential anguish.

---

TBC

A/N: Continued from last chapter...

As for L, it is interesting to see how little killing someone really bothered him. If he had not been on the side of good (by happenstance) he might have made for an exceptional criminal mastermind.

A lot of assumptions are made about L's conscience by the people around him in the manga, that he is firmly and wholly 'good', for instance. I don't believe that to be the case.

I tried to display that in this fic as well since Light is always getting smacked with TEH EVIL label, and L is seen as ULTIMATE GOOD... but hell, if you have to remind yourself that killing is probably evil... then you are probably not as 'good' and 'white-light' as you could be.

In the manga, L mentions that he and Kira are alike. A lot alike. It seems to me that he never condoned or condemned Kira's actions, he simply acknowledged Kira as an opponent - and once the game was on, he was determined to beat him and prove himself to be superior.

Ramble ramble.

If I am not coherent, it is because I wrote 2 full chapters in essentially 3 days. :O (dies)

Well, well, at least Ryuuk seems to be having fun. ;P

Are we there yet? Are we there YET???!!!!!!!!!!!!