Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Now That I Know (One Shot LXLight) ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter 5

 

Letting out another sigh Light kicked a pebble from beneath his feet. The scorching sun blazed down on him. He shifted his feet slightly and turned back to the tall building standing far above all the rest. Staring with blurring eyes at the top of that building Light let out a breath and turned away.

 

His father had found him with Ryuuzaki and had forced him to leave immediately, commanding him harshly to never see the boy again. Light took another step; his father had never been so violent with him. There had rarely been a time when violence or harsh words were needed between them, but this was different. They were fighting over which belief was right and which was wrong. His father detested the very idea of his son being with someone of the same sex, whereas Light felt hopeless and desolate without the very person his father didn't want him around.

 

Lifting his hand to touch the scrape on his cheek Light winced and stepped forward. When his face hit the concrete he could have sworn he heard something snap, but there was no time to worry about it. The Death Note was still out there and with his father watching his every move there would be little time or effort to spare for the Kira Case. Ryuuzaki might also be distracted.

 

Light lowered his hand to his side and whispered, “I'm sorry.” Ryuuzaki had already implied that he felt he had caused a problem between Light and his father. Dragging him farther into this had not been part of the plan at all. Light let out a sigh; none of this had been part of his plan. This was supposed to work out without any problems or distractions, but it wasn't working out that way in the least.

 

“I knew it,” Light thought silently as he came nearer to the house he knew well, “I knew that if Ryuuzaki and I got close this would happen. I should have paid more attention to my own actions. I shouldn't have snapped like that.” Light crossed the street slowly avoiding the few cars that passed by. “I made another mistake, but I won't make another one.”

 

He took slow steps up the walkway and wrapped his fingers around the stiff door handle. With a sigh he reached into his pocket and took the silver key into his hand. The door was locked; no one was home yet. He let out a sigh of relief as he shoved the key into the slot beneath the doorknob. This meant he had a little time before explaining this to his mother and sister. “Good,” he whispered pushing the door open, “at least now I can be alone for a while.”

 

Taking the key from the door he closed it tightly and began up the stairs. “I didn't even have time to hear anything about the new Kira,” he thought silently as he opened the door to his room and stepped inside. This room held so many memories, memories of Kira, the Death Note, Ryuk, and Misa, memories that he longed to forget.

 

The door closed behind him and turned the lock tightly as he stepped further into the room. He turned to the computer and tilted his head to the side. Kira's popularity should have decreased after he stopped the killings. Light walked toward the chair he had left near the computer and sat down slowly; maybe everyone was finally against Kira. “I wonder,” he whispered pressing a key on the keyboard causing the screen to blaze white light before dimming to the gray background.

 

Light nodded; he had checked one of the many websites about Kira the last time he was home. Back then it seemed like the number of people deciding to follow Kira was rising every second. “Now, who knows what'll happen,” Light whispered to himself clicking the link that read “message board”.

 

As that page covered the screen Light scrolled through the meaningless threads in search of something worth reading. He stopped seeing one that read, “I'm Kira (I'll prove it)”. Light clicked the link and looked over it; many people had claimed to be Kira on countless message boards, but very few had actually shown any reasonable proof.

 

Light let out a breath and picked up the remote beside him after reading the final line, “Watch Sakura TV today, November 6, 2004, at 16:24. The announcer will die of a heart attack at exactly that time. I'll be waiting for responses.”

 

Holding his breath Light turned to the television by the desk. It would be three hours until that time. He let out a breath and placed the remote on the desk. What if this person only posted this on a live message board in hopes that the real Kira would find it and do the work for him? “But,” Light said seating himself in front of the computer, “there's always a chance that this is real. There's always a chance that this person found the Death Note.”

 

Raising his hands to his head Light leaned forward; maybe it would be smart to keep an eye on this person from now on. He took the mouse into his hand again and clicked the link beside the user's name reading, “Add to watch list”. Seeing the screen flash “User Added” Light sat back in the seat placing his hands in his lap. There was a good chance that Kira would be around for a long time no matter how many of them the police or L caught.

 

Light stood from the chair slowly and fell back onto the stiff mattress. He let out a breath and stared up into the blank dark yellow ceiling, “What's going to happen when Ryuuzaki finds the new Kira? Will everything end once this Kira is caught?” he whispered locking his hands behind his head. “No,” he gasped sitting up quickly, “Rem,” he whispered rising from the bed. He slowly made his way to the balcony and stepped through the open glass doors, “There's no telling what Rem will do,” he said resting his elbow on the wooden railing, “I never did have a chance to talk to her. I never told her that what I said about saving Misa was wrong.”

 

With a loud groan Light kicked the railing and brought his head down into his hands, “What am I going to do?” he groaned hearing the roar of a car as it rushed by. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” he said stepping backward into the dark room once again, “I've never been so confused,” he said sitting down on the bed, “If only I knew more about my situation now; then I could make a more intelligent decision. If I knew more I could make a decision based upon what I know and what would be better for me.”

 

Light let out a breath, “I'm so selfish,” he whispered, inwardly scolding himself for his own foolishness. He had been selfish this entire time. It wasn't the Death Note, Ryuk, Rem, or Misa that made this happen; it was his own selfishness. He knew that now, but after over seventeen years of living with that lifestyle it would be nearly impossible to change into someone else.

 

Closing his eyes slowly Light let himself fall back onto the bed once again. He winced feeling his back hit the hard mattress and rested his arms by his sides. He had spent so long in that building, in that bed that he would have to become used to his bed, his family, and being hopelessly alone again. “There are so many things I have to do; so many things I'll have to make right…”

 

~~

 

“He hurt me; I know he did,” Ryuuzaki whispered as he wandered through the dark, desolate hallways, “I just didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to be like Misa-san; I didn't want him to only think of me as someone he used as a puppet. I wanted to be the one he truly loved.” He let out a breath and bit his lip slightly, “That was pretty much impossible anyway, wasn't it.”

 

He stared down at his feet as he continued through the hallway. “This is my fault,” he whispered, “I never should have gotten so close to him. I came between him and his father, and now I'm only hurting my chances more.” He took a breath and continued, “I have to be inconspicuous now. Maybe if I can keep myself in check, maybe if I never say another word or express another emotion this will go away.”

 

Ryuuzaki shaded his eyes as he passed one of the windows flooding bright light into the hallway. “But,” he whispered feeling his stomach churn and rumble with hunger. Letting out a groan he placed his hand upon the cold wall. This confusion was new to him; it was an emotion he was not at all familiar with.

 

“I know I'll only be hurting him if I don't let these emotions go, but if I let them go I'll be hurting myself.” Ryuuzaki shook his head hearing his stomach rumble once again. “No,” he whispered, “it's worth getting hurt. If I can save Light from a world of hurt; I guess I'll just have to take it.”

 

Shoving his hands into his pockets carelessly Ryuuzaki took a breath. He was not, and had never been one to shrug off a situation nonchalantly, nor had he ever left a game unfinished or a puzzle unsolved. Every problem had a solution; every game could be won. He knew that, and knowing this, he could never bring himself to stop something midway.

 

Ryuuzaki took a step; he knew full and well what he had to do and the choices he would have to make. He knew exactly what choices he would make. The only uncertainty was how this would end. Would Light end up hating Ryuuzaki? Would they both ultimately die unhappy? Would Kira/Yagami Light be arrested? Would Ryuuzaki end up alone again? Would there really be a chance or a happy ending?

 

Letting out another breath Ryuuzaki stared through the closed window into the bright yellow light of the sun. “I know what I have to do,” he said taking a hand from his pocket and placing it upon the cold glass of the window, “but how am I supposed to do what I need to and what I want to?” He moved closer to the window squinting as his eyes met the bright light, “or do I have to chose between them?”

 

Ryuuzaki groaned stepping away from the window as he started further down the hallway. “Why does all of the evidence point to him? Why did he have to be Kira? Why couldn't it have been someone else?” Remembering what he had said only moments before Ryuuzaki raised his chin and stepped forward, “I can't show emotion; I'll be L again, not Ryuuzaki. If I never come close to Light I'll be ok; if I can stay away then I can become like a shadow again.”

 

Letting a slight smile crack the invisible mask hiding his face Ryuuzaki nodded, “Yeah,” he whispered stepping forward, “for Light, I can do this.” He lifted his chin and stared down the lit hallway stretching far beyond him. Letting his legs carry him down the long hallway Ryuuzaki jumped hearing the cell phone in his pocket ring quietly, “Oh,” he gasped taking the small silver phone and flipping it open before pressing it against his ear, “Hello?”

 

“Ryuuzaki,” It was Watari's voice, “are you alright? Everyone's busy trying to comfort Yagami-san, but soon I believe we should go over the latest information on the Kira Case.”

 

Ryuuzaki shook his head slowly and spoke into the speaker, “No, Watari,” he said staring down at his feet, “I've had enough for one day. If anyone does decide to go over the latest information, please, send them up to my room.”

 

“Understood.”

 

“Oh, and Watari,” Ryuuzaki gasped stepping forward slightly.

 

“What is it Ryuuzaki?”

 

Ryuuzaki took a deep breath and responded, “Tell Yagami-san that I'd like to speak with him in my room when it is convenient for him.”

 

“Yes. Please, relax a-little Ryuuzaki.”

 

As his eyes grew wide Ryuuzaki released the phone letting it fall to the floor, `relax a-little.' Not even an hour ago Light had whispered those words to him as well. “Relax?” Ryuuzaki whispered letting a blank expression fall over his face, “How does anyone expect me to relax?”

 

Taking slow steps away from the phone he had let lying broken behind him Ryuuzaki shoved his hands into his pockets. From now on, he was L and only L, no one else. Light couldn't be part of this either. L would once again work alone like he always had. Now, L would be nothing more than a shadow.