Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ PITCH ❯ Head to Head ( Chapter 12 )

PITCH

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Light x L

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Part 12

 

L is a reclusive detective who takes his job seriously. Too seriously, in fact. Once he takes note of how neglected and stagnant his life truly is, he decides to make some changes. Challenges arise through an unanticipated meeting. AU

 

A/N: Crazy writer's block... even on just editing. Sorryyyyyyyyy. T_T (damn brain of mine. *kicks it*)

 

Thanks guys for the reviews. They are so insanely helpful, and I cherish them like fangirls cherish their boy pr0n. 

 

Disclaimer: (See part 1 for full disclaimer.)

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Pitch: (def.) 

A substance commonly utilized to bind materials in construction... Tar pitch appears solid, and can be shattered with a hard impact, but it is actually fluid. Pitch flows at room temperature, but extremely slowly. To attain maximum fluidity, to be used, it must be exposed to heat.

 

Minds are like pitch. To reveal their full potential, they must be exposed to environs that apply stress. They must be challenged.

 

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Part 12: (Head to Head)

 

Raito made the call for the driver he tended to use, shortly after setting foot outside of the video room. He'd focus on bringing Lawliet away from here first, then he could think on Aiber in more detail. 

 

He couldn't afford to meet him again now. Even the merest thought of what he had seen, prior to reaching the table, was enough to make him gnash his teeth. Right now, he needed to remain calm and logical. And, in the off-chance Aiber did intercept them before the car arrived, he needed to be quick on his feet. He needed to remain professional.

 

The problem was, if Aiber did reach them, or even see them, the blonde man was likely to relay that little tidbit of information back to Misa, exposing his necessary lie.

 

Raito keyed the code sequence into the alarm system that would let them out the back door without the annoyance of an ear-piercing siren announcing their location. He pushed on the door release and guided Lawliet outside, turning to look down the hall as the door closed. 

 

Gravel crunched solemnly under their feet. No sign of Aiber... yet. The man wasn't stupid though, and wasn't particularly concerned with abiding by the rules, so Raito could expect they would be followed shortly.

 

"Ra..ito..?" Lawliet said under his breath, swaying on his feet.

 

"What is it?" Raito asked as Lawliet began pulling back from him determinedly. It took a small eternity for the detective to accomplish it, his hand lingering on Raito's arm to brace himself. Dark eyes were closed and a look of intense concentration was knitting his brow.

 

"I'm sorry," Lawliet managed before releasing his arm and staggering away from him. His pale hand trailed the white wall of the building, either as a guide or for support. His retreat did not last long, however. Within moments, his body buckled and he proceeded to be sick in the dark, wide alley.

 

The street lamp's illumination stopped just shy of where Lawliet crouched in the gloom. His black hair and shirt were only just visible in the darkness. His shoulders appeared to be hunched and his head hung low, but after the initial sickness had passed, he made no move to stand.

 

"Are you all right?" Raito asked cautiously after a few moments, stepping closer and speaking only loud enough for his voice to carry, not wanting it to be heard by anyone inside.

 

"Yes. I'm fine." Lawliet's voice was a little unsteady, but clearer than before. He did not stand. "Just leave me alone."

 

It was something of a plea, made up of tired words and hollow assurances. Is he worried about having gotten sick? 

 

"I'm not leaving you out here like this," Raito stated firmly. The very notion that he would do so was beyond absurd. Lawliet would just have to get over whatever self-consciousness he felt for the sake of reason. The last thing the recalcitrant intellectual needed was to pass out in this filthy alley, alone, making things worse. 

 

"I said I'm fine," the dark-haired man snapped, rising to his feet with significant help from the wall. He leaned against it heavily, his back remaining turned. "I don't need your assistance, or whatever it is you're offering."

 

Raito didn't rise to the bait, though the words hit him like thrown stones. Whatever it is I'm offering? Each one burned -  sinking into him with perfectly calculated precision. Too perfect. And therein lay the flaw to being utterly convincing. It was the only thing that kept his words from anger. "Lawliet."

  

"What?" It was weary now, that voice. Resigned.

 

It had been a futile attempt to push him away. They both knew this. "People get sick," he said shortly. "It happens. Now stop being foolish - I'm not leaving you out here."

 

A pale face turned towards him slightly, regarding his outstretched hand with a gimlet eye. "Why are you doing this?"

 

The question gave Raito pause. Why was he doing this? Was there a simple answer to that? Reasons swarmed the outskirts of his mind, many of which he did not care to cast into solidity with spoken words. It was this persistent compulsion that drove him - the same one which prompted many of his actions in regards to the dark-haired detective. But how to quantify that with speech? 

 

"Because I want to," Raito said finally, challenge shading his tone, daring the other man to contradict and keep fighting him. 

 

Lawliet let out a thin sigh and leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. "I don't understand you," he murmured to himself.

 

Raito regarded him for a long moment before the sound of a car turning into the alley caught his attention. "That should be our ride," he said with finality. "Come with me. I'll make sure you get home." 

 

"...okay."

 

Lawliet was so reticent to accept the offer of help, it reminded Raito of an injured animal. His dark eyes were caged when they opened again, and looked too large in his pale face. He inched back along the wall on his own, shaking his head at Raito's proffered hand. When he edged back into the light of the street lamp, Raito could see how white and drawn his face truly was. No other evidence remained to indicate he was feeling ill or that he had just been sick. Only the sparse grass would attest to that, and night provided an ample camouflage.

 

The black car was shiny under the yellowed street light, glinting brightness. 

 

Raito opened the rear door and waited for Lawliet to reach it, feeling more and more antsy as he regarded the back door of the bar. Finally, he caught Lawliet's elbow with his hand and helped the process along, ignoring the protestations he received. 

 

He slid into the car after the detective, shutting the door, and none too soon. "Home," he said to the driver, and as they pulled away, he saw Aiber rounding the corner of the building.

 

So, you did not want to gain attention to yourself after all? He was surprised that the foreigner had not simply gone through the back as they had, and had chosen to remain low-profile.  

 

"What am I supposed to do at your place?" Lawliet asked miserably, pulling his attention back into the gloom of the car. He had his head tilted back against the seat and his expression was strained. "What if I get sick again?"

 

The sullen tone and simplified speech Lawliet had fallen to made him sound young and fragile, like a tragic, lost-eyed child. It pulled at strings of sympathy within Raito that he was quite sure he'd detached years ago; but there they were, stretching into the dark abyss he saw as the empty container of his empathy. 

 

"Come here," Raito said, pulling Lawliet down to rest his head on his lap. With the overload of inebriation dizzying and souring Lawliet's mind, he'd feel better if he kept his head down. The detective fought him a little but in the end, relented. The byproduct of that empathy was... protectiveness... "Why must you be so difficult?" Raito asked softly, pitching his voice so that it would not sound too loud to overly-sensitive ears, smoothing a hand over dark hair without thinking. 

 

Possessiveness...

 

Lawliet's hands were pulled up near his face, as if they could afford him some comfort or reassurance. The left rested upon Raito's thigh, a little ways from where L's head lay, and it was as pale as the detective's smooth cheek. It twitched a little as he spoke, curling reflexively. "I can't be sick in a bathroom like that..." was the eventual, murmured reply. "It's too nice..."

 

But even possessiveness could be swayed from the selfish, demanding monster it could become. At times, it could be bent towards being considerate - alleviating discomfort that was not its own. 

 

"If you'd like, I can take you to your house instead." The words felt fuzzily discordant as he said them, but he deemed it a necessary offer to make, though it was at odds with what he wanted. He focused instead on the movements of his own hands as a distraction, and found them twining in dark locks. "I just wanted us to be on our way." Lawliet's hair really was soft. It was hard not to keep stroking his fingers over it as he'd been unconsciously doing since he'd first touched it. 

 

When no response was forthcoming, Raito gently brushed the heavy, jagged bangs from the other man's eyes and peered down at his ivory face. Lawliet's eyes were closed and his lips were parted slightly. His breathing seemed too even for wakefulness. 

 

"Lawliet?" Raito spoke softly, not wanting to disturb him if he had actually managed to fall asleep.

 

Again, there was no response but the sound of quiet breaths, and the silent weight of Lawliet's head upon his thigh. 

 

It wouldn't be that bad, as hangovers went, if the detective was actually able to fall asleep like this. 

 

"Mikada," Raito said, addressing the driver. 

 

"Sir?"

 

"Drive around a bit before heading home." It would be better if Lawliet were able to sleep this off for a little while. The strain on his face had eased somewhat since losing consciousness.  

 

"Understood."

 

Raito's eyes drifted down and he watched Lawliet sleep, his hand coming back unbidden to stroke his dark hair. 

 

Here, there were no distractions... No Aiber or Misa or anyone else to bring a storm of contention between them. Within this shell of steel they rode in, he could almost believe the feeling of connection that seemed to string between them. 

 

A sense of calm stole over him, completely unexpected but fulfilling.

 

Just what was it about Lawliet that entranced him so?

 

His unconventional appearance? While off-putting to others, it had intrigued Raito beyond measure. The little inconsistencies, like how he wore his designer clothing - as if he'd been forced to wear something as comfortable to him as a burlap sack. More curious still was the outfit he'd worn the night they'd met at Guissupo's. He'd seemed perfectly at ease in the plain, shapeless clothing - baggy jeans and a too large, long-sleeved white shirt - his only discomfort coming from the sopping state of them and the stares they'd procured.

 

And the other night, when he had come to Lawliet's house in search of him, the dark-haired detective had been wearing similar attire. It seemed that he dressed differently when going out in public, though he didn't seem to care overmuch about his appearance. The same with the alcohol he tended to drink. He never looked as if he were enjoying it. 

 

Is he a masochist?

 

Raito traced the dark circle beneath one of Lawliet's eyes with the delicate touch of a finger. What is he hoping to accomplish through all of that?

 

How does it connect to his aversion to people and social situations in general?

 

Raito had no doubt that the detective was unused to interacting with people. He could read it in the other man's brusque manner at times, and the uncertainty that would flash briefly in his eyes at others. Lawliet had done his best to push Raito away, but it only made Raito more determined to win his favor. He wanted to get inside of him, to deconstruct the puzzle, to be accepted by someone he felt was actually good enough.

 

He loved the intelligence that shone through those deep, dark eyes.

 

He loved the feel of them focused on him - delighted in the way they probed him with silent questions.

 

Those questions were not always so delightful to answer, however, and caused a bit of strife when he avoided doing just that. But it didn't diminish the satisfaction he felt that Lawliet was inclined to dig into him - to search for the true self he never showed to the outside world - and look past his exterior, which people took to be the extent of him.

 

So wary, he thought, looking down on sooty lashes resting in feathery arcs upon pale cheeks. And in some ways, so defenseless.

 

Was it any wonder that a thrill raced through him each time he broke through that wariness to extract the heat of passion that lay so hidden beneath Lawliet's indifferent expression?

 

And yet, Lawliet also had the power to drive him mad with second-guessing... Never before had he had such trouble anticipating what moves to take in order to get what he wanted. Never before had anyone seemed so able or willing to walk away. In that way, he felt control slipping through his fingers like water. It made him act out of hand and stirred his anger to the point were he could not successfully suppress it. It spurred his jealousy.

 

Raito laid his head back upon the seat and closed his eyes. 

 

What did Lawliet need? What made him tick?

 

Or was the trick of it simply that the dark-haired man did not need anyone, and that all of this was sustained only through the force of Raito's will?

 

If not me, then would anyone else be able to push him into a similar situation? Is that what Aiber hopes to accomplish? And would Lawliet allow it? Put up with it? 

 

He hadn't meant to vent those concerns earlier, throwing them at the detective like sharpened, cruel little daggers. 

 

Raito bit down on the inside of his lip until he tasted the faint trace of blood. Stupid. But his control had simply snapped after seeing Lawliet being so thoroughly kissed by the other man. Aiber's closed eyes enraged him, as did the hand upon the back of Lawliet's head that had held him in place.

 

He hadn't seen Lawliet's face, not until after they'd parted. The guilt upon it and the anxious, quickly averted eyes were like a sick lump in Raito's throat.

 

All he could think of was getting Lawliet alone.

 

He'd wanted to lash out. He'd wanted to hear that it wasn't what it looked like or that Lawliet felt nothing when bearing that kiss - even if the words had to be dragged out of him. He'd wanted to kill Aiber.

 

So difficult it was then to remember his place - to remain the courteous businessman to his employee, and the polite date to the Chairman's daughter... so many rules to follow, so much etiquette. There was so much pressure to conform to, and he'd had eyes only for Lawliet, thoughts only of Lawliet.

 

And during the fake introductions, finally assured that the dark-haired detective was nearly within his reach, a flinch had shaken through the pale hand that clasped his. 

 

It was a recoiling, and it sparked in Raito's mind with ugly intensity. 

 

Never before had his hands felt so tied. He'd wanted to force Lawliet to acknowledge the claim he already had upon him. He'd wanted to blame Lawliet for Aiber ever having gotten so close - he'd wanted to punish the dark-haired man for his naivety. 

 

Most of all, he'd wanted to press his lips to Lawliet's and feel the response in him that would lay this spinning, frantic mess of thoughts at ease. 

 

But Raito could not trust the reaction he might've had if he were to detect Aiber's kiss lingering like a taint upon Lawliet's mouth.

 

Raito opened his eyes and looked dimly out the window. Too late, he had understood the reason Lawliet might have been out drinking in the first place... too late he'd realized that he had not refuted the relationship Aiber had tried to instill between himself and Misa, and the repercussions of such. Too late, and Lawliet was washing his hands of him, angry and hurt and heading back to where Aiber could take advantage of that.

 

'I don't want to leave you with him.'

 

The words had slipped out as he held Lawliet to him, their brute honesty staggering. He didn't let himself dwell on that at the time, being too focused on preventing disaster and too focused on reading any little signs the dark-haired man might give out that would tell him how to do it. So focused, in fact, that he could dismiss the tightness in his chest as a figment of his imagination.

 

The dark street and yellow-white lights outside of the car began to look too cold and dismal. Raito looked away in disgust and told the driver to take them home.

 

Lawliet, are you really that jealous of Misa? Enough so that threatening me with Aiber seemed a viable option?

 

That you did so without thinking only makes it worse. Would you have come back to yourself, rid of your anger only to find yourself beneath someone else, unable to stop the flow of events? 

 

How could I leave you to that, you fool?

 

Aiber would hardly let you get away from him then. I could see it in him... in the way he was challenging me. 

 

Aiber must have discovered something of what had transpired between them... he must have looked into things.... done some research... Damn it. Was all that I accomplished in trying to learn more about Lawliet simply alerting someone who wishes to provide competition? 

 

How well did the two know each other? What was their history? 

 

---    

 

Contrary to L's fears, he did not get sick again.

 

He had a biting headache though and was not quite as taken with the idea of chugging down water as Raito seemed to be.

 

Raito used all manner of tricks to coax it into him, earning himself a number of variations of L's baleful glare that were actually new permutations. 

 

After getting inside of Raito's house, L had been deposited on the couch, reclining against a few pillows in the near-darkness of the living room. It was there that the Japanese water torture took place. 

 

"Enough! I can't take anymore," L protested, trying to push the cup from his lips. Every time he struggled through a glass, it was refilled. Any more water and he was going to start leaking from his eyeballs.

 

"Drink," Raito insisted softly, steel underlying his tone. His hand cupped L's face as the glass tipped to his mouth, his thumb brushing L's cheek in a gesture of encouragement as L tried to turn from it and failed. Cool water forced its way past his lips, flooding his mouth, forcing him to swallow it down or choke. He swallowed and that touch became a caress.  

 

Maybe it was due to the fact that L didn't feel well that the touch struck him so deeply? Sickness was what was making him feel so confused. 

 

Was this rough but caring bedside manner a trick?

 

(But it feels genuine...)

 

L was still angry about their earlier fight. He was still bruised by the force of it and did not know what to make of a Raito that was so considerately taking care of his physical ailment while his state of mind was left in shambles, ignored.

 

He'd fully expected Raito to abandon him when he'd gotten sick, and had wanted him to. That would have at least made sense. But the brunette had stayed, impatient with L for not accepting his hand. In that moment, L had been struck by the utter unlikelihood of someone like Raito really not being squeamish about someone being sick in his presence. He'd also felt, like a stab to the ribs, the utter folly of Raito acting like he cared when Misa loomed between them - a threat that was ill-addressed. 

 

He refused to rely on such uncertain kindness.

 

It was bad enough that he wanted to believe that Raito really cared and that he would never allow Misa near him in any sort of intimate way.

 

It was weak of him to allow Raito to sway him in any manner, wasn't it? It was pathetic that the stroking of Raito's hand on his head had felt so comforting in the face of his sickness, so much so that it had lulled him into sleep...

 

He hated how Raito could push past his protests, making him do whatever he wished. Even now, he was choking down the hateful water, trying to keep up with swallowing the rush of it, lest he drown. 

 

"Don't look at me like that," Raito said quietly. "I'm not trying to drown you. Water is the only thing that will make that headache of yours go away." He took the cup back, granting L reprieve. "That's probably enough now." 

 

"Who says I have a headache?" L muttered sulkily, turning his head so that he faced the back of the couch and wearily closing his eyes.

 

"Your face," Raito responded, leaning in, lips brushing against L's cheek. "Try and get some sleep. I'll bring you a blanket."

 

L felt even that small touch zing through him, unwanted. He shouldn't feel things like that when he was sick and upset. It wasn't right. He nodded and closed his eyes tighter against it, shivering a little, waiting until he could hear faint footsteps disappear down the hall before analyzing it. 

 

He wasn't enamored of his findings. He didn't like the precedent that was being set - that he was developing an alteration in emotions that was actually at odds with reason. As much as he'd wondered if the brunette didn't contain some measure of caring for him, he hadn't fully contemplated what that meant. He hadn't fully scrutinized himself, or the feelings that seemed to be developing against his will. And why did they have to become more apparent now, when jealousy was making him feel more uncertain than ever? He wanted to be able to ignore it all again.

 

When the steady sound of footsteps returned, and ceased next to him, L asked, "Where are you going now?"

 

It was an anticipatory question, for Raito had not yet had a chance to go anywhere, but L expected to hear his quiet steps receding at any moment. Task completed, Raito would be leaving him alone. Which was fine. He was merely curious as to what would be occupying the brunette once he'd gone. Someone untrustworthy like him...he could be up to anything. 

 

(But then, if that was truly what you were concerning yourself with, wouldn't you have asked a different question?) 

 

A long silence met his query, and finally L looked up.

 

Raito was giving him an odd look, the blanket still in his hands. "I was going to sleep in my room. Why?"

 

It was the answer he had expected, and yet...  L decided it was desperately stupid to feel disappointed and lonely that he would be sleeping on the couch, alone. It was even more stupid that he felt better with Raito near him, despite his mixed feelings. What was wrong with him? "It's nothing." He reached for the blanket.

 

"Did you need something?" Raito asked, eyeing him appraisingly. "Or do you think the bed would be more comfortable?"

 

L's heart skipped a beat. It was unforgivably imbecilic of him, but... he wanted to fall asleep with the heat of Raito's body next to him. And perhaps more than that...

 

"I could always take the couch, if you'd like," Raito continued, analyzing his face. "I thought you would be more comfortable out here?"

 

Now his stupid heart felt like it had just been swatted with a sledgehammer. What am I thinking of? Of course it wasn't an invitation like that. Idiot. Especially not when I made such a wonderful display of being sick earlier...

 

L swiped the blanket from Raito's hands and wrapped it around himself. "This is fine." Damn it, why was he so cold all of a sudden? Was there any chance that it - as well as being hopelessly plagued by fits of utterly moronic thought patterns - was a side effect of being unwell and that sleep might relieve such symptoms?

 

"Or was there something else you wanted?" Raito asked in a lingering voice, sinking down onto the couch next to him. 

 

L was overly aware of their hips brushing together as Raito leaned over him. 

 

"You'll have to tell me, Lawliet. I'm not a mind reader."  

 

L shook his head. His mind was flurrying upon the trail that new observations had lain. For when had he ever seen the brunette act in such an amenable fashion until now? Tending to him so carefully... it was unheard of. Raito was almost transparent in his indomitable drive to get what he wanted, when he wanted, and precisely how he wanted it. Until now, he had never exhibited that which could be misconstrued as a capacity for caring, or a softness in the stone wall of his will. Games and manipulation, cost or benefit, it was by these things that Raito appeared to weigh the world around him. But just now and with Raito's lips so near his own, poised to take, yet doing nothing, those things seemed absent. It opened up the possibility that there were more, hidden facets to the other man that he'd never even considered existed. 

 

And so the twisting trail of observation led here. That in this new demeanor of the brunette's, and regardless of his own weakened state, he still found desire. 

 

He wondered if Raito would bury him with it. 

 

Trepidation surfaced the more L stared into those eyes and the more he wanted those lips, for he was not certain that his body or mind could handle such an encounter in his current state - not if past experience was anything to judge by. Thus far, Raito had proven to be passionate, demanding and all-consuming, pushing him to his limits in every sense until he thought the strain of it would surely break him. He was reckless in the way he brought L's mind and body to heel, as if he were waging war upon him, twisting him up and distracting him in turns until L couldn't keep up and was left at his mercy, seemingly unconcerned if L could withstand it. 

 

Being close to Raito and struggling to keep his pace had been both mentally taxing and physically overwhelming... But what if it was possible to experience a tender passion - even if it was circumstance alone that dictated it? To be held gently and kissed lingeringly... to be made love to instead of being torn apart by ravaging lust? ...Did Raito even contain the ability for such a thing? 

 

Stop thinking that way! L interrupted his wayward thoughts as fervid images flooded too easily to mind. He's not implying--

 

"You're always welcome in my bed, Lawliet..." Raito said as he nuzzled his ear, sending more of those tingling feelings through L's body. "All you have to do is ask."

 

L was taken off guard by such directness and how closely he'd been anticipated, wondering with horror if any of it had shown on his face. "T-That's not it."

 

Oh, but it was.

 

"Don't lie to me, Lawliet." Raito took the lobe of L's ear into his mouth gently, as if promising an answer to L's innermost thoughts, working the delicate flesh until L could feel a flush suffusing his cheeks. Heat pooled in his body as Raito spoke again in his ear, "I thought you would rather sleep separately... so that I wouldn't be tempted to compromise you while you felt unwell." 'Was I wrong?' that was the slick, underlying message. That was the Pandora's Box that L was torn between opening and forgetting. 

 

"Is that all you think about?" L condemned himself as a hypocrite with every brush of breath against his skin that made his pulse jump. 

 

"No, but it is a lot of what I am thinking about right now." Raito drifted back, looking deep into his eyes and pining him in place. "Just tell me what you want." 

 

"..." Ravish me gently?? I can't say it. I'd rather die.

 

After moments of L's silence, Raito's look faded back, releasing its hold on him as it became more benign. Hidden. Seamlessly, he changed topics, "Do you feel well enough now to move or change clothes?"

 

Proper preparations for sleep... this territory was far less dangerous. 

 

"I think so..." L said, grateful for the alternative Raito offered him and the absolution from his unvoiced desires. "I'd also like to brush my teeth, if you have a spare toothbrush?" Still, they would be circling each other... Raito's moods did not shift as easily as his voice and expression might imply. It was a temporary reprieve. 

 

---

 

"Certainly," Raito said.

 

This was becoming a dangerous situation. 

 

Raito really did doubt his ability to keep his hands to himself if Lawliet would be sleeping next to him, warm and vulnerable. It would be all too easy to pull his slim frame close unwittingly and tangle their legs together. It would be all too easy to be drawn into the soft heat of his neck. 

 

He'd been trying to be good, to push such thoughts from his head, but there they were again, flitting elusively across the dark-haired man's face. 

 

Tantilizing... engrossing... It was an almost magnetic force that demanded his mouth breach Lawliet's and drink in every bit of deliciously second-guessed desire he could pull from it. This was a level of self-control he was not used to exerting.

 

Raito helped Lawliet to his feet and led him down the hall, forcibly thinking pure thoughts while the weight of his charge's body pressed close.

 

He's sick. He needs taken care of, not...

 

...not any of the things I keep thinking of. Sick. He's very sick.

 

Once in the bathroom, he sat Lawliet upon the cushioned bench and looked for a spare toothbrush. It took a few minutes, there being so many cabinets to go through, but eventually he got one in hand and pried the packaging apart. 

 

"No, just stay there," Raito told him as he started to get to his feet. He stuck the brush under the faucet to get it wet and squeezed some toothpaste upon it. Cupping his other hand under it to catch dripping water, he carried it over to Lawliet and held it out. Dark eyes scanned his face then Lawliet hesitantly leaned forward, pink lips opening to take it into his mouth before his hand made it up to take the handle. 

 

Dear god. It was too provocative. 

 

Raito had to turn away before his thoughts got too far. That couldn't have been on purpose. It was his own mind that made it seem so, surely. He was simply too fixated on his guest, as always, and the desire to pull him close and watch the half-tormented expressions chase across Lawliet's pale face as he fought the wash of physical pleasure was strong. 

 

It was too visceral, too affecting to dwell upon.

 

Raito set to brushing his own teeth, ignoring the race of blood through his veins and thinking ahead to what should be worn to bed. He certainly couldn't sleep nude, and Lawliet would be best if he were as dressed as possible.

 

To that end, when they returned to the bedroom Raito pulled out a long pair of flannel pants, which seemed to be Lawliet's preference, as well as a cotton T-shirt for him to wear. He turned his back so Lawliet could change, and so that he could change into the boxers he'd decided upon. Seeing bared, perfect limbs and delicately pale flesh exposed inch by inch while the other man undressed would do nothing for his resolve. He didn't need to test it, he'd witnessed his own track record. Even the smooth curve of unadorned shoulders drew him in beyond reasonable measure.

 

He glanced over to see if Lawliet was finished.

 

The white shirt hung sloppily and askew upon him, showing a lovely stretch of pale throat, collarbone, and shoulder on one side.

 

His teeth ached to mark it.

 

"You should take the side nearest the door in case you have to get up for anything," Raito said, pulling his eyes from Lawliet's skin with effort and folding down the covers on the near side of the bed. 

 

"Okay." The dark-haired detective watched him but remained still. 

 

"Come on," Raito said, taking Lawliet's slender upper arms into his hands and pulling him to the bed. The flesh beneath his hands felt right and inviting, giving just slightly under his fingers. He turned Lawliet so that his back was to the bed and pushed him down upon it. He hovered a moment, bending towards that upturned face, wishing he could follow with what came naturally, with what his body wished to do...

 

Pure thoughts, goddamnit.

 

Raito drew back and folded the blankets back over Lawliet's slight frame. Out of sight, out of mind... right, he thought as he shut off the light and made his way to the other side of the bed. He slid between the sheets and prayed to fall asleep quickly. It was generally looked down upon to ravage someone who was sick, right? It was also something that would not be misconstrued as caring, wasn't it?

 

Since when have I become concerned with caring? 

 

It certainly wasn't appreciated earlier when it came out like anger, nor when I made him drink enough water to offset his hangover... He was a little bitter over that - he did not feel that nursing someone back to health required such a plethora of glares in response. Not that they'd deterred him. 

 

"Raito... I'm cold."

 

Those solicitous words rang with a tone of doom, conjuring bare skin and shared breaths and nothing like extra blankets. Raito tried to discourage what would make for a long, sleepless night. Namely, entwining himself with the enticing feel of Lawliet's body, but being unable to act upon the desires that were bound to stir. "Well, I don't feel like moving, you'll have to come over here then."

 

"Raito isn't very nice," came the quietly muttered reply.

 

No, I'm not, he agreed silently.

 

Still, Raito felt a shifting on the mattress as L crawled closer and settled next to him. 

 

"I'm perfectly nice," he murmured back, his mind already sinking into the tempting heat of Lawliet's body. He wanted to touch him, kiss him so badly. "A perfect gentleman." He could hear the other man's soft, even breaths... he wanted to hear harsher ones, ones that caught in his throat with passion. 

 

Stop it, you're torturing yourself.

 

(He started it) another part of his mind pointed out. 

 

"Kiss me?" he thought he heard Lawliet say, making his heart beat faster. 

 

"What? Lawliet, go to sleep." He tried to sound curt, but Lawliet's name rolled off of his tongue like it was wont to do, sliding out like silk and betraying his interest in complying. His mind was buzzing, questing, questioning. Why would he...? Have I fallen asleep and not realized?

 

Movement occurred beside him and then a warm body was covering his and lips were pressing lightly against his own, igniting the fire he'd been trying to tap down. Insidiously, it lit through him as the tentative kiss expired. He fought to keep his hands at his sides, to keep from crushing that soft, fleeting mouth against his. 

 

"You're the liar," Lawliet whispered darkly, drifting back. "You never give me anything I ask for."

 

Raito couldn't bear it any longer. He pulled Lawliet to him, sliding a leg between his and seeking his mouth, rolling him over and pressing him to the bed when he found it.

 

The noise Lawliet made in the back of his throat kept it from being merely a kiss that Raito gave him. His hands ran up the other man's flannel-covered hips and under his shirt where they could caress bare skin. He reveled in the feel of it, as one would when indulging in a long-avoided vice.

 

(What in the hell are you doing?) he asked himself.   

 

Nothing. I'm stopping.

 

But Lawliet was kissing him back so desperately as Raito stroked his skin and his hand played at the waistband of the borrowed pants... encouraging, enticing... 

 

He relished the feel slim hips rocking ever so slightly against his own, a teasing pressure that was taking Raito's control apart piece by piece. Stopping... they should... But Lawliet's hands were brushing down his back, pulling him deeper into it. His mouth was all the sweeter for the temptation it offered and Raito's attempts to resist devouring it.

 

"Law...liet..." He tried to to reason with him while he was still able, to tell the dark-haired man that they shouldn't do this right now, not when he'd already put such stress on his body with too much alcohol, but the name came out in a broken moan as Lawliet rolled his hips upward and killed the thought with sensation.

 

(You suck) he told himself disparagingly as his hips began to move against Lawliet's, drawing out the ache in his groin and intensifying it. (This is all the holding back you can do?)

 

Shut the hell up.

 

He brushed his lips over Lawliet's neck, freeing his partner's mouth to make more of those pulse-quickening noises and caught breaths. 

 

What was he supposed to do when Lawliet came on to him like this... seduced him like this? He didn't quite understand how or why it was coming to pass, seeing as how the dark-haired man had been rather angry before... but Raito couldn't deny how much he wanted to feel Lawliet like this, or how much he needed to erase the image of Aiber possessing his mouth.

 

His hand stole down to stroke Lawliet's desire, slowly wringing the most beautifully erotic noises from him that he'd heard yet. Raito wanted to give him whatever he would take - focusing on the other man's pleasure solely. He wanted to burn him up with it, until another person would be completely beyond the scope of his thoughts.

 

To that end, he slid the flannel pants down off of Lawliet's hips, tracing patterns on his bare stomach while his mouth began its descent along pale, flushed skin. Looking up, he could see Lawliet's face was even more flushed, color riding high on his cheeks. He ran his tongue up the silkened steel of hardened flesh, watching the bare expressions that flickered across Lawliet's face. 

 

So open... Or does he think I can't see?

 

Raito flicked the tip of his arousal with his tongue, savoring the small cry that escaped Lawliet's panting mouth, and laid a trail of kisses along its length. Lawliet's hands fisted in the sheets under his teasing ministrations, looking like he was trying not to beg.

 

Go on, beg me, Lawliet. I don't mind.

 

He deviated into stroking milk-pale thighs, pleased when they soon began to shake. 

 

Lawliet, coming undone before my eyes... It was a beautiful thing to behold.

 

"R-Raito..."

 

The desire-choked sound of his name increased Raito's arousal even above everything else. It was becoming hard to think past. "Aren't you going to ask me?" Raito queried sinuously, lust clouding his voice. "Or are you afraid I'll deny you, since I never give you what you ask for?" 

 

He couldn't help that little dig. It had been unfair of Lawliet to say that to him.

 

"That was..." 

 

Raito hovered his open mouth down over the tip of Lawliet's length, playing at giving him exactly what he so desperately wanted, driving him crazy with ambient heat and the errant movements of his tongue.

 

"...god," Lawliet moaned, "Please..."

 

Raito took his time, sealing his lips around his partner's hard heat and taking it further into his mouth. The only things he'd been asked for had been the kiss tonight, and the more difficult request: that he shoot himself in the foot with Misa. Which he had. How then did he never give Lawliet what he asked for? He'd given him everything. 

 

Did Lawliet somehow believe that he would jump when just anyone asked? That he would jeopardize even the tiniest little part of his career for just anyone?

 

He held Lawliet's hips down, not letting him increase the pace even a fraction as he leisurely swallowed his length and slid his mouth completely off of it again in turns. He took pleasure in seeing the stoic detective like this, pinioned upon whatever contact he chose to give him. 

 

Dark hair was becoming a damp frame around Lawliet's face, his breathing harsh as Raito drew upon the tip of his painfully hard flesh with varying amounts of pressure. The detective was about at the limit of what he could take - his head was tossing as he uttered and gasped broken syllables. 

 

It was a litany that Raito was not immune to, and it throbbed through him with increasing strength. 

 

He acted before it undid him, rolling the other man's shaft between the fingers of his splayed hands and taking more of him into his mouth in a steady pace that promised release. 

 

Lawliet was hot on his tongue, feverish in his hands. It was bringing Raito so close to losing it himself... so close as Lawliet's muscles began to tense... so close as his pale body bowed and he spent himself with a harsh cry - spilling his essence into Raito's compliant mouth.

 

Raito swallowed reflexively, without giving it much thought. He was too distracted - he was too aroused to sleep this off, being far more affected than he had anticipated for such a thing. Rather, he could attempt sleep, but it was going to be a brutal lesson in self-control. The point had been to ask for nothing in return. He wanted to keep it that way... but he was burning up. 

 

He could not take care of such a thing here... and getting up from the bed for any reason would also be suspect. Oh, god, this is going to be the death of me.

 

He pressed a kiss to Lawliet's lips before laying back down next to him, on his side, and closing his eyes. 

 

"Raito?" Lawliet asked fuzzily. "Don't you want me to-?"

 

"I'm fine," he said, sounding anything but fine. God help him if he let the dark-haired man finish his thought. No matter what his offer would be, Raito was bound to picture it in such detail that he would really have a problem. Why was being thoughtful so damn difficult to pull off?

 

"Are you sure?" Thought was filtering back into his voice, and skepticism. "Because you don't sound fine to me." Dark eyes peered at him in the near darkness.

 

"..." He hadn't expected Lawliet to pursue this, nor had he anticipated how difficult it would be to hide the deepening effect extreme arousal bore on his vocal cords. "I'm just tired."

 

"Oh, really?" Lawliet said dryly, brushing a hand down Raito's abdomen, making Raito turn his head into his pillow to kill the noise that ground out of his throat. "Being tired does that to you?"

 

"No, I just don't want to deal with the mess." 

 

Raito didn't need to look to know he was being glared at.

 

"That's stupid," Lawliet declared indignantly, pushing into his space and rolling him onto his back.

 

"Whoa - what are you doing? I said I'm fine." Raito scrambled into a sitting position, but a trailing hand caressed his hip, dulling his movements. It was followed by a bolder caress and he barely bit back the moan as Lawliet's hand skimmed over his throbbing need. "God...damnit..." he groaned as that same hand slid his boxers down, and he was too far gone this time to protest it.

 

His head lolled back against the headboard as a warm heat tentatively engulfed his aching flesh, a thousand times more affecting than any skilled mouth had ever been. "Law...liet..." His hand reached down to tangle in dark hair, to ground himself as sensation rolled through him like a wave. 

 

This wouldn't last long...

 

How could it, when even the thought of his dark-haired lover offering to do this for him was enough to send him skittering off of the edge? But to feel his soft lips and gentle tongue... To be certain that this was the first time he'd ever done this with anyone...

 

Raito gasped, his back arching as Lawliet started to employ some of the same techniques Raito had used on him not moments ago. Long, flickering licks and the embrace of a smooth throat... 

 

Fast learner, he thought dazedly.

 

And it truly wasn't long before the burning ache within him gathered, intensified, and razed him to the ground.

 

---

 

L found that oral sex was not nearly as complicated or mysterious as one might be led to believe, having only just received it and then also given it for the first time. 

 

He also felt immensely relieved that whatever had made Raito hold back earlier, it was not lack of desire. It had been too strange for him to fathom why or how it would make sense for Raito to do these sorts of things to him, but without any sort of reciprocation. It had made him uneasy.

 

Now, despite the brunette's earlier protests, Raito seemed relaxed and not altogether displeased with him for pushing the issue. He'd pulled L back against him, spooning him and burying his face against the back of L's neck.

 

It was kind of nice... and restful, despite the relatively early hour. It had to be no more than 11pm or so, but L could feel his eyes drifting shut, and the headache he still maintained was not as difficult to ignore. 

 

---

 

Raito woke up several hours later, his arm enclosing nothing but empty space.

 

Instead of reacting like the past two times, he rolled onto his other side and jammed his pillow over his head.

 

---  

 

When Raito woke the second time, it took him a moment to realize why he had a crick in his neck, but enlightenment found him as his pillow slid off of his face, explaining also his dream of suffocating in a giant marshmallow. 

 

Dreams were next to useless. 

 

He rolled onto his back and cracked an eye towards a strange, muted clicking noise.

 

For the first time ever, Lawliet was actually there, in his bed when he woke up. It was a miracle. But then why did he have to have that accursed cell phone in his hands?

 

"Of course I'm still here," Lawliet said as if he had spoken aloud. Had he? "I just had to use the bathroom. All of that water you made me drink, you know."

 

Why does he sound so awake? What time was it anyway?

 

"I told you, I don't sleep much," the dark-haired man answered again. "It's about 2:30am."

 

Am I talking out loud?

 

"Yes."

 

"Oh." Raito rubbed at his eyes. He was no good at waking up. No good at all. "What are you doing?"

 

"On my 'accursed cell phone'?" Lawliet deadpanned with something that looked suspiciously like a smirk lingering at the corner of his mouth.

 

Raito grumbled darkly. Having one's dignity stripped off with a smile hardly topped his list of 'Things to Wake Up To'. "Yes, on that." But he couldn't be that acerbic - Lawliet's easy manner and the fact that he was still there kind of killed the inclination. Aside from feeling groggy on too little sleep, he suspected he might actually be in a good mood.

 

"I knew you hated my phone for some reason," the insomniac teased, in his almost serious sounding way.

 

"I get jealous."

 

Lawliet blinked at him in slight surprise at his flat statement.

 

Raito was a little surprised himself that he was being so open. Maybe he should go back to sleep. "So, who are you talking to this time?" Sleepiness made his question soft and fluffy as opposed to containing the sharpness it might have held otherwise. It was somewhat disorienting, to tell the truth.

 

"Oh, just Watari," the insomniac said off-handedly, pressing buttons again rapidly with both thumbs. The question did not faze him or make him defensive, and the affable sphere of their interaction was left intact. 

 

Was it my tone that allowed that? Raito wondered, marveling as the expected reaction to the question he couldn't help asking did not manifest.  

 

"I promised not to roam the streets without telling him anything. I forgot to do so earlier..." Lawliet paused, a speculative expression crossing his face before he began hitting buttons again. "I wonder if Aiber has gone and stirred things up?" he said to himself.

 

Aiber... 

 

"Please don't mention him so soon," Raito groaned. Aiber would destroy this hard-won, relaxed interaction between them. He didn't want to think about what Aiber represented: competition, a threat, a bone of contention to make them fight, just like Misa was... Oh, his mind was already off and running on just that one name. Discontent and anger would ride those thoughts. He didn't want that. He liked the peacefulness; he liked just laying in bed, Lawliet next to him, not having to think about what came next or how he might keep the detective with him - because he wasn't going anywhere.

 

---

 

L felt a shift in the mood the moment he mentioned Aiber. He wasn't thinking deeply about it - he'd merely voiced his musings aloud, and was contemplating the likelihood that Aiber had gone to Watari to relay whatever it was he chose to relay. A perfect reason for getting that message out to Watari as soon as possible. After that talk he and Watari had just had regarding Raito, L wondered how the older man would take it if Aiber told him they'd gone home together. The Nazi would assume that, wouldn't he? And he had to be at least a little pissed that Raito had swiped L out from under him just after he'd made his move, though he couldn't know Raito had then had the pleasure of caring for a hangover.

 

"Forget I said anything," L said, sounding a little stiff now that he was back to re-evaluating every word. 

 

"Could I convince you to sleep for a few more hours?" Raito's tone changed slightly as well - he sounded more guarded than before. There remained, however, a vein of hopefulness buried beneath it. 

 

Both of them seemed to be trying to recapture the ease with which they'd just been interacting. Whether that was possible or not, he didn't know. (But perhaps Raito's hope was simply intent upon the promise of sleep and nothing more?) "I suppose I could try." He put the phone aside, having finished his message, and slid back under the covers.  

 

Raito threw an arm around him as if he were a human pillow and murmured a heartfelt thank you, settling comfortably against his side.

 

It was a pleasant weight, warm and inviting. Silky brown hair brushed his cheek like a caress as their faces nearly touched, cradled on the same pillow.   

 

It's conceivable that I could get accustomed to this... 

 

Even if he couldn't attain restful unconsciousness, it might not be so bad to lay here in the near dark. L let his eyes close and he marked the passing of time with Raito's even breaths. 

 

Eventually, even he fell asleep.  

 

____________________________________________________________

TBC

 

A/N: Hmmm, I feel like I need one of these every time now. 

 

Well, let's see... the edits on this chapter were gruesomely labor intensive though they were relatively small. It was one of those things (those of you who write will understand) where parts just didn't feel right. Elusive and maddening. I just couldn't leave it be until I fixed it. :C

 

---

Argh I feel unmotivated to an earth-shattering degree. 

 

Life sometimes is just a parade of really annoying things. Send me some rainbow-flavored anti-pessimism waves or something.