Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Rules ❯ Chapter 13 ( Chapter 14 )

Rules

 

Chapter 13

 

On the first of February, it snowed.

 

Elijah had spent the remainder of January in his room. He had come out for meals and for the occasional family together time, but mostly he stayed in his room reading or doing puzzles. He flatly refused to leave the house. After poking and prodding a bit, Julie concluded he was suffering from seasonal depression and that he would be fine once the darkness of winter had turned into spring. Elijah said nothing to contradict her. He wasn't exactly depressed, per se, but he no longer understood himself and he didn't feel like dealing with that at the moment.

 

And then it snowed. It wasn't the first snowfall of the year, but it was the first time Elijah watched it come down. Sitting by the window in his swivel chair, he watched the flakes fall, drifting slowly down to coat the grass and trees. He watched, and out of nowhere, he remembered.

 

He remembered being a child and watching other children run about in the snow, trying to catch flakes on their tongues. He remembered wondering why they did that. Snow tasted like water. Perhaps if it tasted like the powdered sugar it resembled, he would have been more excited. But it didn't, and he couldn't understand why the others tried to catch it. Why they laughed as they ran about. As an experiment, he had caught a flake on his tongue; as expected, it tasted like water. Nothing special. He had wrinkled his nose at the lot of them, turned, and walked back inside.

 

Now, twenty-odd years later, Elijah let his eyes follow the path of the falling flakes and wondered if he had made a mistake. He still didn't understand, but he was coming to realize that not everything in life had a logical explanation. Some things felt good just because they did, but the only way to enjoy those things was to let yourself enjoy them.

 

Just live and be happy, Julie had said. Don't think. Don't worry. Live. Make friends. Have fun. Follow your impulses. Do things for no reason. Laugh. Let your feelings have control. Cry. Hold and be held. Don't think. Just live.

 

Live …

 

Elijah pushed the chair away from the window and rolled over to his desk. He pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen and, only half-thinking, wrote, 'I've never made snow angels.' After a minute of staring at the words, he positioned the pen underneath and added, 'I've never made a snowman.' Before he had finished writing, his mind had gone on to the next one. 'I've never had a snowball fight.'

 

The pen came down again and again, scratching out word after word, sentence after sentence. He quickly ran out of snow-related things, but he had many more gaps in his childhood, many more holes in his life. When he ran out of room on the first piece of paper, he pulled out another one and kept writing. He had opened a floodgate; he couldn't have stopped the words if he had wanted to. They poured from his mind, and his fingers fought to keep up, struggling to catch the words before they washed away.

 

Eventually, the flood of words slowed and then stopped altogether. Elijah paused, pen over the paper, and realized he had nothing more to write. Slowly, he put the pen down and flexed his aching hand. Surprised at himself, he let his eyes roam over what he had done.

 

A list. A huge, long list of things he had never done in his life. Some of them were childish, some clichéd, and some nearly impossible. But as he looked at the list, he felt a strong sense of calm mixed with purpose. If he could accomplish even a tenth of these in the two months he had left, he would leave infinitely richer than he had been when he arrived. He would have lived, at least a little.

 

His roaming eyes stopped on one sentence. He lifted a finger and traced along the bottom of it.

 

'I've never kissed a girl.'

 

He bit his lip. Why had he bothered to write that? And if he was going to write that, why not write that he had never had a girlfriend or that he had never had sex? His finger moved back and forth across the words as he considered it. Did he want a girlfriend? Not particularly. But did he want to kiss a girl? He rested his chin in his knees and smiled. Yes, actually, he did. He didn't need to do something as complicated as falling in love, but it would be nice to kiss someone at least once. As to who it could be, he only really had one option.

 

Elijah reached out for his phone, picked up the receiver, and dialed.

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hi. It's Elijah."

 

"'Lij! What's up, man? You've been AWOL for, like, forever!"

 

Elijah smiled. Mark sounded genuinely happy to hear from him. "I've been a bit depressed," he explained.

 

"Yeah, you're not the only one," Mark replied. "Light's been majorly pissy the past couple of weeks. Annie says he's going through 'Elijah withdrawal'."

 

"What?"

 

The other young man laughed at the shock in Elijah's voice. "Well, you have been avoiding us, you know," he chastised. His voice became softer and less distinct, indicating he had turned his head from the receiver. "No, I'm not going to tell him your dumb theory. You want to traumatize the guy?" His voice returned to normal. "Sorry about that. Anyway, forget Annie's weird fangirl fantasies. The point is you're not the only one with the winter blahs, and at least you're not PMSing on us like Light is, so don't worry about it."

 

"Annie's there with you?"

 

"Yeah. She wants to paint my toenails. I told her no way in hell."

 

The thought of Mark in pink toenail paint made Elijah grin. "I'm glad she's there, too. I have a favor to ask both of you."

 

"Sure, man. What is it?"

 

"Well …" His fingers strayed to the list again, and he played with one corner of the paper nervously. "I've been a bit depressed, like I said, so I started writing this list of things I've never done before."

 

"Um, 'Lij," Mark cut in, "not to play Devil's Advocate or anything, but you have amnesia. As far as you're concerned, if you haven't done it since April, you haven't done it at all."

 

"I know," Elijah conceded, smiling at his friend's concerned tone. "But I did it to help myself feel better."

 

"Because a list of all your shortcomings will naturally make you feel better."

 

"Because if I can do some of them, I won't be so depressed," he corrected. Inwardly, he reminded himself that Mark was the least intelligent of the bunch and that he shouldn't get upset at him.

 

"Well, okay. So what's the favor?"

 

Elijah inhaled slowly, suddenly feeling rather embarrassed. "One of the things on the list is to kiss a girl, but the only girls I know are Julie and Annie. Obviously I can't kiss my mother, so I was wondering if you would grant me permission to kiss Annie."

 

Mark's end was silent for several seconds before he carefully replied, "That depends. Are we talking one kiss or a make-out session?"

 

"Just one," Elijah replied quickly. "I promise I'm not trying to take her from you or make her cheat. I just want to experience it." He looked down at his desk and realized he was creasing the corner of the paper with his fingers. Quickly, he pulled his hand away and gripped his knees instead.

 

"Sure then, it's okay with me," Mark said, the light tone back in his voice. "And don't worry. I totally trust you, so it --" He stopped as Annie spoke to him. Elijah could hear her higher-pitched tones, but he couldn't make out her words. After a moment, Mark began talking again, and Elijah was surprised to hear him gradually grow progressively angrier. "What the hell? No, he doesn't want to kiss me. He wants to kiss you. … That's what I said. He wanted my permission. … Yes, I realize you're not my possession, but it's only common courtesy. … Why are you getting sore at me? He's the one who called. It wasn't my idea. … Look, there's no reason to -- . Would you just -- ? Can I finish a goddamn sentence here? … … 'Lij? I'll call you back."

 

The connection clicked off, leaving Elijah to stare at his receiver. As he returned it to its proper place on his desk, he found himself once again thinking about that strange enigma known as womankind and the fact that he knew almost nothing about them. He honestly hadn't expected Annie to get so upset. Was one kiss really that precious? And more importantly, was she going to do something violent to poor Mark?

 

Trying not to think about it, Elijah opened a book of crosswords and waited for Mark to call back. However, after almost thirty minutes with no calls, he could no longer contain himself. Abandoning the puzzles, he rose to his feet and began pacing. She had killed him; Elijah knew she had. She had flown into a fit of passionate madness and stabbed him with a pair of scissors. Or maybe she had strangled him with the bedsheets. No, she had smashed his head in with something heavy. Although it might be the other way around. Mark might have killed her while trying to defend himself. Yes, that was more likely.

 

The doorbell snapped him from his wild imaginings. Frantic, he flew down the stairs, convinced that the police waited outside. They would want to question him since he had been the last one to talk to Mark before the gruesome murder-suicide involving a stripped computer wire and a jug of water. He would have to admit that it was all his fault. That his friends were now both charred lumps of electrocuted flesh because he had selfishly wanted one kiss from a girl who already had a boyfriend.

 

Elijah threw the door open, prepared to beg for forgiveness for his misdeeds. Instead, his jaw fell open and he blinked.

 

"So what's this I hear about you wanting to kiss me?" Annie demanded playfully, her hands on her hips and her upper body leaning slightly forward.

 

"Hey, 'Lij," Mark waved from behind her. "She decided she wanted to come over."

 

Elijah just stared at them for a moment. Then, he stated stupidly, "You're not dead."

 

Mark and Annie exchanged confused glances. "Why would we be?" Mark asked.

 

"Because she flew into a jealous rage and killed you before going mad and killing herself."

 

Mark burst into laughter. To Annie, he said, "And you say I watch too much TV." Still laughing, he pushed past Elijah into the house. Annie followed him and ruffled Elijah's hair on her way past.

 

"You're cute," she said. "That's why I like you."

 

"You're not mad?" he asked, shutting the door and helping her with her coat.

 

"No," she smiled at him. She removed her scarf and gloves and shoved them into her pockets before handing the coat to him to hang up. "Okay, I was a bit miffed when you two were talking about me like I'm some sort of object to pass around and share, but I got over it. And Mark explained why you want to do it."

 

"Once she stopped yelling at me long enough to let me get a word in edgewise."

 

Annie sent a look of death in Mark's direction, and he obediently shrank away. Elijah bit his lip, worrying that they were about to fight again, but as he looked closer, he noticed the amusement in Mark's eyes and the smile that threatened to take over Annie's lips. They were … playing. Pretending to be angry and scared. How strange.

 

"So," Annie said lightly, stopping Elijah's musings, "is this list of yours private or are we allowed to see it?"

 

He thought a moment before answering, "I don't think I wrote anything embarrassing. You can see it if you like."

 

A few minutes later, the three stood in Elijah's room, and Annie and Mark each had a sheet of paper in their hands.

 

"These first few are all snow-related," she commented.

 

"I was watching the snow fall when I got the idea," he confessed.

 

She sent him a brief smile and then returned to the list. After a moment, she brightened and pointed at a particular spot. "And here I am!"

 

Mark peeked over her shoulder to see and then shook his head in exasperation. "You're way too excited about this," he complained.

 

"Well of course," Annie replied, grinning up at him. "I don't have to break up with you, but I still get to make out with a hot guy who's not my boyfriend."

 

"No, you get to kiss a guy who's not your boyfriend," Mark corrected with a visible twitch. "I did not okay making out."

 

"Really? Somehow I don't think that'll be your decision. It's between me and Elijah to decide what we're going to do. Right, 'Lij?"

 

Annie turned her head to him at this question, but Elijah had completely frozen. He stared at his two friends with wide, disbelieving eyes. Noticing their attention on him, he swallowed a few times to find his voice and echoed, "Hot?"

 

The pretty blonde in front of him cocked her head a little and replied, "Yeah. Why? Don't you think you are? You had dozens of girls flocking to you at the Halloween party."

 

Still dazed, he lifted a hand and pointed over his shoulder at phantom feathers. "Wings."

 

Annie smiled. "No," she replied evenly, as if talking to a child, "good-looking guy wearing the wings."

 

Elijah just continued to stare at her, and after a moment, Mark pulled out an imaginary pencil and pretended to write on the paper he held. "Never been called good-looking before."

 

"Anyway, getting back on track," Annie said, giving Mark a little shove in the arm, "are you serious about this list, 'Lij? Do you really want to try to do all of them?"

 

After blinking himself out of his stupor, the older man replied, "Well, as many as I reasonably can. Obviously I can't learn to ride a bicycle or build a sandcastle at the beach in the middle of winter."

 

"Yeah," Mark added, "and you can't easily climb a mountain, and learning to play an instrument takes a lot longer than one afternoon." He read over his list again and then, completely unaware of the weight of his words, commented, "You know, with a list like this, someone who didn't know you would think you had only six weeks left to live or something."

 

Elijah managed to keep himself from crying out, but he couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath that his lungs pulled in as his entire body clenched. Luckily, his two friends hadn't noticed -- Annie was chastising Mark for being morbid, and Mark was attempting to defend himself. If Light had been there, however, he would have figured out the meaning behind the list, quite possibly even without Mark's comment. And if his friends truly wanted to help him cross a few things off that list, it wouldn't be long before Light knew everything.

 

But was that so bad? Maybe it would be better to have another person know. He wouldn't be able to talk about it and get it off his chest, but at least Light would understand and stop badgering him to explain. At least he could allow his despondency to show when the other was around and not worry about questions. Perhaps it would lessen the load on his shoulders a tiny bit.

 

While Elijah considered these things, Annie had gone to his desk for some tape and fixed both sheets of paper to the wall near his closet.

 

"There!" she announced. "Now it can be a motivator for you every day." She fisted her hands on her hips and tilted her head in thought. "Maybe I'll do one, too. I could use some motivation these days. February is such a long, dreary month."

 

"Don't overdo it, girl," Mark cautioned. He stepped up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. "You have classes to pass, remember."

 

"Yeah, whatever."

 

"Okay!" Mark pulled his arms back and clapped his hands together. "Let's do this thing. Both of you, sit on the bed."

 

His girlfriend wrinkled her nose at him and demanded, "What, are we doing a love scene and you're the director?"

"Sort of." He grinned and ignored the face she made. "Come on, 'Lij. Sit."

 

Starting to feel nervous, Elijah walked to his bed as bidden. Mark was going to watch? But then again, she was his girlfriend so he had the right to make sure everything was done with proper decorum.

 

"No, no, don't sit like that!" Mark ordered as soon as Elijah had sat down. "How're you gonna kiss her with your knees in the way? Put your legs down and sit like a normal person for once."

 

Timidly, Elijah complied, although considering he already felt awkward, sitting like this made it almost unbearable. He hardly noticed when Annie sat down next to him.

 

"Whenever you're ready, Elijah, I am, too," she told him softly. He looked up at her and saw the tenderness in her face; she understood just how nervous he was. "Take your time," she said and then closed her eyes.

 

Elijah took a few deep breaths before deciding to go ahead and do it. He closed his own eyes and leaned in. And completely missed her mouth.

 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he pulled away. His face was burning; he was sure it was a rather impressive purple by now.

 

"It's okay," Annie assured him with a smile as she rubbed the wetness off of her chin. "Just try again."

 

"No, wait," Mark interrupted in a strong voice, and they both jumped. Appearing between them with crossed arms and spread legs, he announced, "It looks as if my expertise will be needed after all."

 

Annie rolled her eyes and muttered, "What expertise?" Mark, however, completely ignored her. Instead, he sat down on Elijah's other side and took him by the shoulders.

 

"Okay, first things first. You have to stop being so scared." He shook Elijah's shoulders gently as if trying to dislodge his anxiety and continued, "Yes, normally when you're kissing a girl for the first time, it's healthy to be a bit nervous. Even if you think she wants you to kiss her, there's always the possibility that you'll get smacked." Mark stopped shaking Elijah and caught his eyes in a steady gaze. "That's not a problem this time," he stated with a smile. "Annie isn't going to smack you. Me, I might get smacked at some point before this is over, but she definitely won't hit you. All right?"

 

Slowly, Elijah broke into a smile. "Yeah," he replied.

 

"Okay. Now, second thing." Mark twisted the older man's body around and pushed him back towards Annie. Hanging over Elijah's shoulder, he ordered, "Put your hand on her cheek." When Elijah hesitated, he explained, "It helps you keep track of where her face is so you have a lower chance of missing. It also has a tendency to help get rid of some of the nervousness."

 

Still unsure, Elijah reached out with one hand and cupped Annie's cheek. She had already closed her eyes again, and as his fingers slid over her skin, she smiled. Surprisingly, he felt less anxious, just as Mark had predicted. Her skin was soft; he liked the way it felt. Gingerly, he ran his thumb along her cheekbone, enjoying the sensation.

 

Mark's light chuckle behind him brought him back to reality. "See? Told you. Now, third thing. When you lean in to kiss her, don't close your eyes until you make contact. Once you're more experienced, you can generally find the right spot by feel, but this is your first time, so don't even try it. Just, you know, keep your eye on the ball all the way through the swing, just like in baseball."

 

"Trust you to bring sports into this," Annie commented, her eyes still closed.

 

"Shush!" Mark ordered. "You just sit there and wait to be kissed."

 

"Yes, sir."

 

"Okay, so that's it for now," Mark finished. He gave Elijah's shoulders a reassuring squeeze before sitting back. "Go ahead and try again."

 

Elijah drew in a deep, slow breath, let it out just as slowly, and leaned forward. This time he succeeded in touching his lips to hers, and once he had, he let his eyes slide shut. She was soft and warm, and as she breathed through her nose, the air tickled his skin. It was strangely pleasant. He had no real idea of what to do, but Annie silently guided him by applying a soft pressure that he returned. Eventually, he pulled away, still a bit confused and befuddled, but also oddly happy.

 

Then, Annie grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him again. It lasted only a second and ended with a small popping noise, but the shock lasted long after she had pulled away. It didn't help that behind him Mark had fallen off the bed laughing.

 

"There, now you've kissed a girl and been kissed by one back," the mischievous blonde grinned. "Now your life's complete, right?"

 

Elijah looked into her sparkling blue eyes and gradually felt all his confusion, fear, and sadness melt away. Why was he wasting his time being depressed when he had such wonderful friends? Why had he been avoiding them instead of seeking them out to bask in their joy and their generosity? For all his intelligence, he had been extremely stupid these past few weeks.

 

"No," he answered Annie's question. "It's not." Before she could respond, he rose from the bed, grabbed a pen on the way past his desk, and walked up to the two papers on his wall. Smiling, he drew a strong line through five words. When he had finished, he turned around and stated, "But it is closer."

 

"That's the spirit!" Annie cried, leaping to her feet. She ran up to him and grabbed his hands. "Let's go build that snowman now."

 

"Okay!"

 

They both sprinted out the door and down the stairs, laughing and practically falling over each other in their haste. Mark lifted himself from the floor and called, "Hey! Hold on, wait for me!" He ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

 

The pen lay forgotten on the floor, directly underneath two sheets of paper that fluttered slightly from the draft caused by the closing door.