Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Deep As You Go ❯ Be My Hero ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Deep As You Go Part Fifteen

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah not-mine-cakes.

Author's Notes: New chapter, as promised, and not only that, but the second to last chapter too! For those who haven't noticed, the ff.net version of this was DELETED, despite the fact that it CONFORMED TO THE BLOODY GUIDELINES of being R-rated. *Cough* Not that, I'm, you know, bitter or anything. Good thing I saved all those reviews. ::grumble::rat bastard ff.net::grumble::

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"A-are you all right?" A waitress tentatively took a step towards Daisuke, who was still sitting on the floor where he had fallen after Ken had punched him. A bruise was already beginning to spread across one side of his face, and he was wiping blood from his nose.

"Huh?" Daisuke looked up at her in momentary confusion. "Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He got carefully to his feet, using the table to steady himself. Blood dripped from his nose onto the clean floor and with a curse he grabbed a napkin to try and staunch the blood flow. He glanced back at the waitress. "Where'd Ken go? Did you see him?"

"You mean that guy who punched you? He ran out." The waitress shrugged. "I didn't see which way he went after that."

"Right. Thanks." Ignoring the stares from the other patrons, Daisuke ran out of the cafe and glanced around outside.

Dammit, where'd he go? He can't have gotten too far, right? Daisuke irritably wiped at his nose with the napkin. Man, I forgot how hard he could throw a punch. Now what do I do? He could be anywhere! Daisuke looked around again, as if expecting Ken to reappear in front of him any moment. Finally, he sighed in defeat. I'd better get back to the motel. If he went back there, Wormmon should've seen him return.

When Daisuke reached the motel, out of breath and still with a slight nosebleed, Wormmon was sitting on top of the van, looking worried.

"Where is he? Did he come back?" Daisuke asked nervously as he ran to Wormmon's side. The Digimon's eyes widened a bit at the sight of Daisuke's bruised face, but he didn't comment.

"Ken-chan came back a few minutes ago," Wormmon reported. "I was already up here and he looked right at me, but he didn't say anything or stop. He just--just ran right by me."

"Where'd he go? Is he in his room?" Daisuke glanced up anxiously at the closed door, feeling his heart drop. He has a knife. He still has a knife in there. What if--what if he's--

"He went into his room and slammed the door," Wormmon said, confirming Daisuke's worst fear.

What do I do? What do I do? Daisuke's heart clenched with fear and helplessness. If he locked the door...what do I do? I can't stop him if I can't get in there. Can I break the door down? Can Wormmon? What if we can't? Or what if he hears me trying to get in and it--and it pushes him over the edge?

What do I do? Why am I so stupid, why can't I think of something, anything, why can't I stop panicking and figure something out--a plan, a plan, I need a plan, I need something---Come on, Daisuke, think, don't be the stupid one this time you've gotta think and not panic and not--not--God, what if he kills himself? I can't let that happen. I hafta save him, hafta think...

"A--a key." Daisuke swallowed hard. "I need a room key. I have to go see if the--the front desk people, if they have another key or a master key or an anything key. Something that can open Ken's door."

"But Daisuke--"

"You stay here, Wormmon, okay? Come get me if he comes out of his room or if--if you hear anything funny from his room or anything." Daisuke swallowed hard, feeling a little dizzy. His heart was pounding with anxiousness and fear, and he suddenly found himself grabbing his backpack from the front seat of the van, feeling a strange sort of comfort from the letters inside. Ken.... "I'll be back as quick as I can. Just come get me if--if you see him, all right?"

Without waiting for a reply, Daisuke turned and ran towards the motel lobby.

"Damn it!" Ken swore violently as the knife slid upwards and sliced the bottom of his palm yet again. His arm was peppered with small cuts above and below his wrist, but nowhere near the vein. Every time Ken tried to cut, the knife would slide upwards or downwards, as if something was keeping him from cutting. Because something was.

"I won't let you do it, dear," the Kaiser whispered, phantom breath hot on Ken's cheek as he leaned in close, his hand resting on the wrist of Ken's other hand, the one holding the knife. "If you die, I die. I'm not ready to die yet."

"I am!" Ken cried, his voice ragged. "Dammit, can't you just--just let me have damn peace for once? I'm tired of it all. I'm hideous, disgusting, nothing loves me, nothing real, and even Daisuke--he knows now. He saw me talking to you, being your slave and he knows--"

"So what if he knows? Let him know. He can't do anything to us. And why should we care what he thinks?" the Kaiser scoffed. "Such a foolish, foolish pet. For all your proclamations of hatred, it's still just the same. You'd die for him now?"

"Th-that's not it," Ken said. "It's not for him that I want to die. It's because of him...and me...and you...I'm not even sure anymore. I just know--"

"Know what? That you're a wretched little beast?" the Kaiser scoffed. "You already knew that. I've told you enough times. But there's no reason to die for that, not when I'm here, and waiting, and willing. If you must throw your life away, then simply give it to my keeping. I can live that pathetic life to the fullest. So stop with this foolish notion of killing yourself. You know I'll never let you do it."

"Then why do you keep talking?" Ken whispered. "Why do you make my head hurt, and my mind bleed, and everything around me--everything--why--" Ken shuddered hard and in a sudden, swift movement tried to bring the knife across his wrists. Just in time the Kaiser knocked it away, and Ken sliced his palm again.

"I won't let you," the Kaiser hissed. "Not my life. Yours, maybe, but not mine. I've grown quite fond of this life, my dear. And I've been thrown off once, cast aside by you and your weaknesses. Not again. Your life is mine. You will not throw it away, not without my consent!"

"You can't stop me," Ken said, shuddering again. "Y-you're not real, not real, you're not--You can't stop me."

"But I can, and I am," the Kaiser purred. "I'm real to you, precious, and that's enough. I'm there inside you, always, not just during the sex but after and before, no matter the time or place. I'm you. I'll always be you. And I won't let you do this. I'm not quite ready to give up this sweet life again, love. Not when there's still so much yet to be seen and tasted and conquered."

"You're not real!" Ken repeated again. "You're not, you're not, you're not! It's just one life, just mine, mine to lose if I want to."

"Is it, darling?" the Kaiser laughed. "You know better than that. If I'm not real, if it's just you, then why can't you do it? Who's stopping you?"

"My mind," Ken murmured. "It's all in my head, all jumbled up in bits and pieces. A puzzle, broken like glass and soaked in blood, hidden by fog. It makes my head hurt whenever I think about it, and it hurts worse whenever I don't."

"Poor, poor wretched pet," the Kaiser murmured. "I fear I may have broken you this time, and before I planned to. Hush, don't cry." He raised a hand and wiped at Ken's tear-stained face. "Nothing to cry about, though I suppose that's never stopped you. You want to die? Then do things my way. In your death, let me live. All your pain will end at last."

"That's--that's not what I want," Ken said softly. "Not that way."

"You dare refuse?" The Kaiser angrily backhanded Ken. "I am your master here, pet. You know I won't let the knife find its mark. As long as I am here, you have only two choices : take my peace or have none at all."

"It's still my life," Ken said. He was facing towards the wall, his hair shielding his face from the Kaiser. There was a strange quiver in his voice. "Mine to take, mine to lose, mine to keep. Still mine. I'll end this on my terms."

"And where does this sudden strength come from?" the Kaiser mused, a dangerous edge to his voice. "Has the mewling kitten opened his eyes at last, and wants no more of his mother's milk? Fool. You know you have nothing without me. You can't survive without me, nor can you die."

"My life," Ken repeated. "My terms. I want to die, don't you get that? I just want it all to end. I've been stuck in a living death for long enough now besides. I've finally had enough. So why won't you let me?"

"You know why," the Kaiser said. "You know what I am, pet, so did you really even need to pose the question? I value my life far above yours, and I suspect I'm not the only one. Is it for your lovely Daisuke that you've gone this far? Because you fear his knowledge, his eyes, and your own weakness besides? Then give me leave to control you. I'll take him for myself, for the both of us, twist him and break him. I'll make him ours. Will that satisfy you?"

"That's not what I want," Ken said slowly, resolutely. "I won't let you stop me this time, won't let you control me. This one thing....this is the one thing I've been sure about in all this time. I want to die. I want darkness, I want peace, I want to forget that I ever was. I want to forget, to escape, to be beyond the reach of him, of you, of anybody. My weakness is why there's no one who loves me, so my strength will let me escape."

"Fool," the Kaiser spat. "Your strength? What strength? You have none. I am your only strength. And I will not let you do this."

Ken shut his eyes tight, trying to convince himself that he was alone, that there was nothing there to stop him. He brought the knife down on his wrist again, and again it slid away, slicing the palm again.

"You see?" the Kaiser whispered in his ear. "You'll never be free of me, my love. Not until you give in to me."

"Not that way," Ken said, his voice hushed and fevered. "Not that way. I don't want it to end that way."

"So how would you prefer it end? With the pain and the blood? Even the knife's no sure thing, darling." The Kaiser gently pried Ken's fingers open and the knife dropped soundlessly to the ground. "They'll find you here, bleeding to death. And they'll take you to a hospital and patch you up, and then they'll tie you to the bed and make you tell everything in your head. You'll be locked in a little white room forever, alone and shivering, without even me to comfort you. And all because you were too stubborn to let me in."

"No....sure...thing?" Ken repeated slowly. He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, thinking. The Kaiser smirked triumphantly and leaned in for a kiss.

"You see? There's no choice but me."

"No," Ken replied, a mere whisper of a word. "There is one other recourse left to me."

"Come on, it's just one key!" Daisuke said urgently, leaning on the front desk. The man sitting behind it glared at him.

"I told you, I need some sort of proof that you're with the guy in that room," he growled. "I won't believe that you just 'forgot' your own key or something."

"Why the hell would I be lying?" Daisuke demanded. "Come on, this is important I don't have time for arguing! Where's that lady who was here before? She knows I'm with Ken."

"She's on break," the man said roughly. "So you're either gonna have to wait until she comes back or--"

"I can't wait!" Daisuke snapped. "L-look, don't you have, like, a list or something of who's in each room? I can prove that the room's mine. It's under my name."

"The book's not here right now," the man said, turning away from Daisuke. "So like I said, you'll have to wait or--"

"Damn it, this is important!" Daisuke felt like screaming. I don't have time to wait around for that one lady to come back! Ken could already be-- He swallowed heavily. "Listen, isn't there something--"

"Daisuke! Daisuke!" The sound of a small voice calling his name caught Daisuke's attention. He turned towards the door and saw Wormmon half-hiding in the doorway, gesturing towards him.

"Uh....you know, never mind. I'll, um, I'm going, okay?" Daisuke turned and hurried out the door to meet Wormmon. "What is it? Did something happen?"

"Ken-chan came out of his room," Wormmon reported breathlessly.

"He did? So he's all right? He didn't have the knife with him, did he?"

"No, he didn't but--"

"That's good, then." Daisuke sighed in relief. "So where did he go? I need to catch up with him."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you," Wormmon said. "He went into some door a little ways away from his room. I couldn't get a good look at what was inside, but it looked like a staircase."

"A staircase? But he's on the top floor, so where would a staircase..." Daisuke's voice trailed off as realization hit. "The roof!"

In a flash Daisuke was off and running, with Wormmon trying desperately to catch up with him.

"Daisuke, wait for me!" Wormmon panted.

"I can't wait," Daisuke gasped out, turning his head to look back at Wormmon. "Try--try and use your sticky net attack or evolve without Ken or something to keep him from falling if he jumps, okay? I'm gonna try and stop him, but--" He swallowed the rest and kept running. They both knew what would happen if Daisuke failed.

He found the door to the roof easily. Even as he started up the steps Daisuke noticed that there had once been a lock on the door, but it looked to have been broken long ago.

Damn stupid rat trap of a motel, Daisuke thought bitterly even as he rushed up the stairwell. His legs ached from the sudden sprint, but he ignored the pain. The pain was unimportant. The only thing he cared about right then was reaching Ken before it was too late.

"Ken!" Daisuke burst out onto the roof, nearly falling to his knees from the exertion. He paused and glanced around, half-afraid to move from the stairwell for fear he would trip, and half-worried that he was already too late. A cold wind blew around him and pulled his jacket closer even as he stepped out carefully onto the roof. After a moment his eyes lit upon a figure standing not far away, staring down. "Ken!"

Ken turned at the sound of Daisuke's voice, and their eyes met. Daisuke felt his heart clench at the sight of the pure and absolute despair that was clear in Ken's eyes.

"Go away," Ken said tiredly. "Can't you see that I've had enough now?"

"D-don't do this," Daisuke stuttered out. "Ken, come on, let's--let's discuss this on the ground, okay? It's not safe up here."

"No. I won't." Ken shook his head. "This is the only way I can be sure the Kaiser won't stop me. Just this way, no other." He held up one hand, displaying the cuts on his palm and arm. "See? He wouldn't let me do it that way. He's trying to stop me even now. But he can't keep me from moving. If I'm strong enough he can't and so I--so I can--"

"Ken....I don't really get everything you're saying," Daisuke said slowly. "About the Kaiser and...and everything, I guess. But I'm not letting you do this. There's no way in hell I'm letting you leave me this way."

"You can't stop me," Ken said. "Don't you see Daisuke, this is my one sure way? Crushed and dead and beyond revival. That's what I want now. Just a sure way so I can die and let everyone forget I ever was. No one will care, except the Kaiser. And the Kaiser dies with me, so it all balances out. I can be at peace." He paused a moment, listening to an inner voice that cursed in his ear, and sighed heavily. "You're right, I suppose. It still won't stop me. Even if there's nothing but hell awaiting me, it's better than this....this waste."

"Don't say that." Daisuke took a tentative step towards Ken and nearly ended up falling himself. "Ken, why can't you just trust me? When I say I care I'm not lying. I--I couldn't stand it if you died, Ken, I couldn't! I'd--It'd be like I wasn't breathing anymore, without you here. I can't let you do this."

"Even to the end, a liar." Ken glanced back down at the ground. "Why should I believe you after all this time? I used to think you cared, but I learned better. The Kaiser showed me, the world showed me. No one cares for me. No one should, because I'm not worth caring for. There's nothing in me. I'm empty, dead, worthless. I was stupid to think that anyone loved me. Even Osamu....." Ken closed his eyes for a moment, composing himself. "There was never anyone who cared. I thought they did, because I was stupid and didn't know. But then you left, and I realized. Why would you care? Because I did? I thought that because I loved you then you could love me back. But I waited and you were gone, and then I knew the truth I'd been hiding from. You couldn't love me because I can't be loved. I'm alone, Daisuke......"

"You're not!" Daisuke took another step closer, suddenly much more scared of losing Ken than of the possibility of falling and dying himself. "You're never alone, Ken! I'm here, Wormmon's here, Takeru and everybody, your parents--"

"No." Ken shook his head. "It's different. Even when you're by yourself, you're not alone. There's the people you haven't met yet, the ones you see as you walk by; there's trees and birds and singing wind....no matter what, you're not alone, because there are things that care about you. You have a reason to exist, and so you can't be alone. But I don't have anything, I never have. It's just been a delusion, a child's dream, all this while. There's no reason for my existence. I don't do anything but make people hurt and kill those I love. I'm an awful person." He glanced up at Daisuke, the wind blowing his hair in his face and momentarily obscuring his eyes. "I'm tired, Daisuke. Tired of you, tired of me, tired of being the Kaiser's whore, tired of being the only one in the room, tired of being the person nobody sees, tired of--of--of being. I just want to die now, so go away and let me finally end what was never meant to be in the first place. There's no reason for you to want to stop me. It won't matter when I die, because it never mattered that I lived."

"But it did matter," Daisuke said earnestly. "It always mattered to me, Ken. You keep saying that you don't have anything, and you're wrong. You've always had me, Ken. Even--even when I was gone, I was thinking about you. I heard your heart beating all across the ocean, Ken. Every night I went to sleep hearing your heart and thinking everything was all right, that you were okay. Don't you get it? Even when I wasn't here, I still cared. I....I...." Daisuke shivered as the wind blew by again, colder than before. "I didn't know all this was gonna happen, Ken. If I had, I wouldn't have left. But--but even when I was gone I wasn't really gone. I was carrying you with me wherever I went. Because you're my best friend, and so you're a part of me. I'm not alone because I had you, Ken. So that means you can't be alone either, because you'll always have me. And--and you can say that I'm lying, and yell at me and do whatever the hell you want to me and it's still not gonna make me give up and it's not gonna make me hate you, because it's not gonna change the way things are. It's not gonna make me stop caring about you."

"N-no." Ken shook his head wildly. "That's wrong, you're lying, you have to be! No one ever cares. It's wrong to care about me. If you care about me then you'll die. That's why I shouldn't have loved you, because I'd kill you. The Kaiser said it. We'd break you. I can't let that happen. I can't let you die because I'm here. At least if I die then it won't matter. I'm not important. I'm worthless and wretched and evil, and I deserve death. I should've died when I was the Kaiser it's only--only something went wrong then and things didn't go right, and so I lived when I shouldn't have. That's the way the story's supposed to go. The hero defeats the villain and the villain dies all alone in his castle."

"But you're not a villain anymore," Daisuke said. "You never were. You were just....going through all sorts of bad stuff then, and okay, yeah, you didn't pick the best way of dealing with it, but that's in the past! You're a different person now!"

"No," Ken replied, his voice flat. "That's the problem. I'm not anybody at all. I'm not the Kaiser, but....but I haven't moved on. I've just been hiding in purgatory for all these past years. Rejected by the light, afraid of the dark, suspended in between. I'm a waste of a new person. At least if I'd died as the Kaiser I would've been someone. Then I could've died a king, and the boy I was could've cried for me. But now all I have is the Kaiser, and he can't grieve for something like me. So this time when I die, no one will cry for me. No one will feel anything when I'm dead, because I wasn't ever anything to cry for."

"I'd cry," Daisuke said, his voice shaking with emotion. "Ken, come on, think. Would I be up here if I didn't care? Would I have even come this far? I wouldn't. I don't care if you're stuck in--in purgatory or whatever it was. You're still Ken. Isn't that enough?"

"And who's Ken?" Ken asked hollowly. "No one important. The Kaiser was someone, the Ichijouji Ken who was a genius was somebody. But not this me, not the me I am now. Now I'm just....just the living body with nothing but weakness and pain and--and stupidity and delusion, nothing of value, nothing real. No kindness, no courage, no friendship, no love, no nothing, not even cruelty. At least the Kaiser was somebody. When he touches me, I can pretend for a little while. I close my eyes and pretend that I'm important, that I'm loved. But whenever I open my eyes it's still just me. No matter how hard I try to delude myself, in the end it's all the same. I'm still alone. I'm still worthless and empty and not worth the air I'm breathing." He sighed heavily. "That's why you left, because you couldn't stand being near something like me. That's always why everyone leaves. It's always my fault, because I shouldn't even be alive."

"Stop saying that!" Daisuke snapped, surprised at how raw his own voice suddenly sounded. "You have to stop believing that stuff, Ken. You're not awful, or weak or anything! You're--"

"Can't you just be quiet?" Ken said wearily. "Just leave, Daisuke. Give up and leave. You did it once, it won't be so hard to do again."

Daisuke felt a sharp stab of pain in his heart as Ken's words sunk in. Ken stared impassively at him for a few moments, then turned away again, stepping carefully towards the edge of the roof.

"I won't go." Daisuke's voice was shaking with a mixture of barely-suppressed emotions. "I won't go again. Not this time. I'm sorry, Ken. For all of this. I'm sorry that I left you, that I didn't realize that anything was wrong. But--but I can't change the past, not any more than you can. All I can do is try and fix things. That's all I've been trying to do, ever since I got back. And I'm not giving up now. If it's all my fault for leaving, fine. But that doesn't mean I'm going to leave again. I'm never going to leave until I know you'll be okay."

"You're a fool," Ken murmured. "You keep saying those things over and over again, all those empty words. You'll be happier when I'm gone. Look at all the trouble I've caused you. You're better off without me here, without me hanging on you and--and loving you." He spat the last two words out in disgust.

"I can't be happy if you're dead!" Daisuke snapped. "There's no way. I know you missed me when I was away Ken, but what's it gonna take to convince you that I missed you too?" Inspiration struck him and Daisuke suddenly pulled off his backpack, digging around and coming up with Ken's eleven letters, still tied together with two rubber bands and a ribbon. "Do--do you remember these, Ken? You wrote them to me, while I was gone. I kept them. I carried them in my backpack every day the whole time I was gone, because it let me feel like I had some of you with me. And I re-read them a bunch of times, too, especially on the plane ride home. And I was really happy then, because I thought I was going to get to see you again. I was happy then because I wanted to see you. So that means I can't ever be happy if you're gone."

Ken stared for a long time at the letters, his face impassive. He had begun to tremble again.

"It's a trick," he said finally, and Daisuke's heart dropped. "It's always a trick. If you wanted to see me it was only because you didn't know what I was then. You were still acting out my child's fantasy. The fantasy's over now. Now you have to see what an awful person I am. You don't have the most important letter with you, the one I shouldn't have written. That was the one that changed it all. If I hadn't tried to love, everything would've been fine. I could've kept pretending. But I'm so stupid I thought I could actually love you and expect to be loved back. And it's all wrong and filthy and shouldn't have ever been thought of."

"I do have that one," Daisuke said quietly, touching the letter on the top of the stack. "You only wrote me ten while I was gone, Ken. I have eleven with me."

Ken's skin paled even more, and the shaking intensified.

"You're--you're just trying to make me confused," he choked out. "It's all just a trick to make me confused so you can--can stop me and force me to live in a world that hates me, just to make me all alone again because--because--because of something, I can't even remember now, my head hurts. It's some sort of--of trap, like the ones the Kaiser sets. Maybe you're not even real." His eyes met Daisuke's again, and this time they were wide and frightened. "It's just in my head again, isn't it? Like before. It's just the Kaiser trying to stop me again, because he doesn't want to give me up. He knows I wouldn't listen to him so he made you up or--or I made you up, one of us had to have done it, and it's just my own mind trying to stop me from doing the one thing I was certain about, trying to make me--make me become him. I don't want to become him again. I--I just want to make everything stop being so cold and dark."

"I'm real, Ken," Daisuke said carefully. "I'm real, you didn't make me up. You have to listen to me, okay? I'm here, and I wanna help you. I--I know I'm not very good at stuff like that, a-and that I don't really know what you're going through. But I want to help."

"You're not real!" Ken said firmly. "You're not, you're not! You can't be. Nothing's ever real. I'll give in to you and then it'll be just me again. Just me alone...all alone..." He shook his head wildly. "Alone and not real, in the dark and the silence, just me so--so that's why I can't listen, because it has to be a trick of my mind, or the Kaiser's mind or someone's. I have to end this. If I live I'll just be by myself again, with nobody to care. At least if I die I won't have to continue being alone." He steeled himself and turned to jump.

"No!" Even Daisuke didn't know how he moved so fast at that moment. All he knew was that one moment he was still standing facing Ken and the next he was beside him, holding Ken in an iron-tight embrace, not knowing how to do anything else but what he was doing: holding Ken so tight he couldn't get away, couldn't leave. "I won't let you. Dammit, I won't let you!" Daisuke suddenly felt tears on his face, and he didn't know if they were his or Ken's.

"Let me go," Ken whispered. "Let me go! I have to do this." He tried to pull away from Daisuke's embrace, but the other boy held him tight.

"I can't." Daisuke's voice was choked with tears he hadn't even been aware he was shedding. "I can't. I can't lose you, Ken, I'm sorry, I just--I just can't. I--I--" He swallowed hard, closing his eyes. "I love you, Ken. So I can't let you go."

Ken froze at those words, his entire body stiffening. His voice was thin and hollow when he spoke.

"No, no, it's a lie, a trick, you're just trying to talk me down--"

"It's the truth," Daisuke said thickly. "I love you, Ken. I--I wasn't sure before, I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure. But--but I do. I love you. I can't lose you."

"Let me go!" Ken began to squirm and fight, trying wildly to free himself from Daisuke's grasp. "Let me go, let me go, let--"

And then Daisuke's lips were on his, Daisuke's warmth filling his own empty body. Ken's body fell against Daisuke's, his hands clutching at Daisuke's shoulder in sudden desperation, leaning into the kiss like a dying man turning parched lips to a water skin. He fell into it, into the warmth and the light, and suddenly he didn't feel quite so tired anymore.

"I love you, Ken," Daisuke whispered in a ragged voice as he gently broke the kiss. "Even now....I don't care what you are, or what's wrong with you that makes you think you're so awful. You're not. I love you."

"No," Ken said brokenly. "No, it's all a lie, always a lie. No one loves me. If you love me then you can't be real. Nothing with a heart can love me."

"If I wasn't real, could I be holding you this tight?" Daisuke asked almost angrily. "We're so close now, can't you hear my heart? Can't you hear that it's beating with yours, even now?"

"I--I can't hear anything," Ken said. "My head hurts, Daisuke, it just hurts so much and I can't hear or think or--"

"Ken..." Daisuke ran a gentle hand through Ken's hair, brushing the bangs out of his eyes. "You know I'm here Ken. You know I'm real. Please...just believe me this one time, okay? Just on this one thing? Even if you think that--that you're horrible and awful and I'm a figment and a liar, then will you just believe that I love you? That I never would've come this far if I didn't care?"

"You can't love me," Ken said, his voice raw with pain. "There's nothing in me to love. Just emptiness, always emptiness...."

"You're wrong." Daisuke's voice was gentle. "There's feelings inside you too, Ken. No matter what you feel about yourself, I believe in you. I know you can get through this. So let me help, all right? Let me help."

Ken stared at him for a long moment, tense, shaking, pale and wild-eyed. The Kaiser was whispering in one ear, the wind howling in another, the cuts on his arms ached and his chest felt tight. And in the midst of it all was Daisuke, holding him up, staring at him with those wide compassionate eyes that Ken had cursed not long ago. Ken glanced back down towards the ground, feeling a chill run up his spine. Daisuke leaned forward tentatively and kissed his cheek; one of his tears fell on Ken's face and it felt warm against his skin, like a small spark that might one day grow to a flame.

Ken fell forward into Daisuke's arms and cried.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed quietly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...."

"Don't be sorry," Daisuke said, running his hands through Ken's hair. "You don't have to be sorry. It'll be okay now, all right? It'll be okay."

Daisuke pulled Ken closer, and let him cry.

----

And coming next, at long, long last...the epilogue! ::Sniff:: My baby's almost all grown up now.