Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Digital Fiction Theatre 3000 ❯ It Starts ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Pistoffveemon 
The digidestined are forced to suffer through the usual anti-fic by Jerry Springer.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.15.2002 | Updated On: 02.14.2003 | Pages: 7 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
The digidestined are forced to suffer through the usual anti-fic by Jerry Springer.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.15.2002 | Updated On: 02.14.2003 | Pages: 7 | Words: 2.9K | Visits: 1.3K | Status: Completed
Introduction: It's time to play "spot the cliché". I've written an MST of The story "Digimon Die". I know it's overdone, and I know I had to copy the non-MSTed parts of a previous MST of the fic because the original version was taken down, and I know Jerry doesn't even have an author ID anymore, but he still deserves it. Also, this takes place after Ch 5 of Darkened Hopes.
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(we see the main digidestined from Darkened Hopes going through a Digital Portal, and landing in a cell in TK's fortress)
Davis: I hadn't expected that. Who thought TR would be clever enough to think of something like this?
TK: I see you've underestimated me once again. This time you will pay for your error in judgment.
Jun: You wouldn't kill us, would you?
Kari (quietly): Um, he did kill my brother.
TK: No, I'm not in that mood right now. I'm in more of a "Torture" mood.
Yolei: as in...
TK: The worst torture known to man.
Davis: You don't mean...
TK: Bad fanfics.
All: NOOOOOO!!!!!
TK: We'll get onto the lemons later.
Cody: What's a lemon?
Davis: Let's hope you don't find out any time soon.
Yolei: It's a porno fic.
TK: Get into the theatre. WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!
Kari: What?
TK: A nod to the driving force behind the idea. Dog Bone!
(nothing happens)
TK: Myotismon, send them through the doors. Dog Bone!
(door sequence)
(Door 1 is a digiportal. They cover their ears to block out the terrible English dub music)
(Door 2 is Magnaangemon's Gate of Destiny. They pass through it with some concern as to where it goes)
(Door 3 is shaped like a lemon (the fruit). It opens with a moan and all kinds of juices spill out)
(Door 4 is a normal door guarded by a mallet. As they pass through it the mallet hits each one of them)
(Door 5 is the Digimon logo in a circle with a line through it. Each one of them kicks it to open it)
TK: I see you made it. Now enjoy the fic, the doors are now locked.
Davis: I don't understand him.
---------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: I don't own digimon and I'm glad I don't own the nasty thing.
Davis: I think we're gonna be glad you don't own us.
DIGIMON DIE
Kari: how cheerful
Ken: no, Digimon are reconfigured in the primary village.
Davis: I don't think he cares...
by Jerry Springer
Jun: (as JS guest) I's sleeping with my mother's sister's cat's kitten's mother's owner's sister.
Davis: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Once upon a time
Cody: There was an author who wrote bad antifics about the digidestined under the name "Jerry Springer". He was killed by all of the digimon fans in the world, and then the Pokémon fans pissed on his grave for his work under the name "Mr Bigelsworth"
there was a group of stupid digimon people.
Yolei: There's the pot calling the kettle black
Jun: A stainless steel kettle.
They lived in the digimon lands.
Kari: first, that's the digiworld, second, we don't live there.
One day, the stupid digimon people decided to go on a walk in the forest.
Kari: I still remember that forest
Davis: How? He didn't even say where it was.
"I'm scared of this forest," the tiny stupid kid said.
All: That's CODY!
"Go eat your prune juice," the retarded Sora girl replied.
Davis: I really should say something...
Cody: You don't eat prune juice, you drink it.
Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bush
Davis: as a giant snake entered it.
Kari: Davis, keep down the perverse thoughts
and a giant digimon jumped out.
Ken: A giant Digimon can't fit in a bush
The digimon was real ugly,
Yolei: Just like Jerry Springer.
just like all the kids. "Hi. My name is NastyWhoremon." the thing said.
Jun: "Thing," how descriptive
"OMG! Its my mom!" The slutty pink-haired girl said.
Davis: Does Mimi have a brother? One who doesn't like digimon?
Kari: You're saying that it's Jerry's mother, right?
Davis: Right on the nose!
Then NastyWhoremon went and grabbed that computer freak kid's laptop and smashed it over his head.
Davis: (as Izzy) Charlene!
Yolei: WHAT?
Davis: a fic I read once.
The computer freak kid almost dies from the impact on his delicate brain,
Ken: a genius's brain is a delicate thing. I speak from experience
but he didn't, much to the hatred of the world.
Kari: The world, or idiots?
Davis: idiots.
"Oh no, my computer!" the computer freak kid screamed.
Cody: I hate to say it, but he's right on this one
Jun: Don't get too used to it.
then he went and jumped off a cliff, committing suicide.
Cody: Or not...
When the kid landed on the bottom, he splattered all over and a bunch of dinosars came and devoured him messily.
Davis: is that Tyranomon, Greymon, Monochromon...
Ken: don't bother.
"Oh dear, now we have no way to tell where we are, since that computer freak kid's computer is smashed."
Cody: He's right!
Jun: second and last time
The Backstreet Boy wannabe said.
Jun: Matt beats out all the Backstreet Boys by a mile.
Davis: Never mind that he has a rock band, not a boy band.
Jun: That too.
"I wet my pants," the tiny stupid kid squealed.
Cody: No, I don't
"HA HA" NastyWhoremon said as it grabbed that Joe kid and carried him off into the woods where he was raped repeatedly,
Cody: Ah! Permanent Trauma!
Davis: Just be grateful he didn't describe it.
Cody: (twitches)
Davis: exactly.
until he died.
Davis: At least he didn't have a graphic death.
Yolei: I wouldn't call it painless or easy.
Then a month later, NastyWhoremon was pregnant
Davis: All who didn't see that coming put up your hands
(All hands stay down)
and had a digimon/human cyborg baby a few months after that.
Ken: that's hybrid.
"Aww, its so cute," the goodie-goodie lesbian with the white cat thingy said.
Cody: white cat thingy... Kari!
Davis: Kari is NOT a lesbian! I say this with quite a bit of certainty.
"I named him Sally," NastyWhoremon replied.
Cody: I'd hate to be him in school...
Then NastyWhoremon decided to leave the retarded digimon kids alone and went back into the forest with its baby.
Cody: (as fic Kari) No, come back Sally!
The stupid digimon kids were still lost in the woods and it was getting dark.
Davis: the woods were getting dark?
So they made a small camp for the night.
Jun: how would they make a "small camp" for ten people and twelve digimon?
Ken: Author logic
Davis: Moron logic.
"AAAAAAAA!!!" that tiny stupid kid screamed.
Cody: (as fic Cody) I'm in a really bad anti-fic!
"What's wrong?" the goodie-goodie lesbian asked.
Cody: (as fic Cody) I just told you!
The tiny stupid kid just fell over, dead.
Davis: Cody gets out of a graphic painful death? WHY?
The other digimon people pulled the tiny stupid kid's pants down and discovered that the boy died from peeing in his pants.
Ken: because it was a really embarrassing death.
The kid peed so hard that his head popped off.
All: ...
Davis: I think he's running out of ideas.
"Oh no." the orange dinosaur thingy said.
All: AGUMON!
"Too bad..." the Digimon Emperor cried.
Ken: Will you let me forget that?
"Aww, poor digimon emperor, I feel your pain," that blond-haired gay kid with a helmet said.
Davis: Shouldn't that be "That blond-haired gay kid who stole Gilligan's hat"?
Kari: Who cares? He just insulted TK! (yelling) You hear that? He insulted you!
"I'm so happy about that," the digimon emperor said.
Ken: Can anyone say "Out of character"?
All besides Ken: Out of character.
And before you were able to say "gay fags"
Davis: gay fags.
the two nasty boys started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid's dead body.
Yolei: I'm just going to leave that sentence as insulting itself enough.
Suddenyl
Cody: I knew how to spell "suddenly" when I became digidestined.
that retarded Sora girl's digimon-growing pacemaker
All: DIGIVICE!
Thingy
Jun: This guy's obsessed with "Thingies"
started to glow and her pink bird thingy turned
into that other bird thingy with big teeth and flames all over.
All: BIYOMON DIGIVOLVED TO BIRDRAMON!
"I hate gay fags!"
Davis: I think this author may be homophobic.
the fire bird thing screames as it looks
Ken: is this in the past or the present? Makeup your mind!
down upon the digimon emperor and that blond-haired gay kid with a helmet.
All: KEN AND...
All except Davis: TK
Davis: TU
"NO! fire eagle,
All: BIRDRAMON!
spare my gay idiot brother
Davis: Most likely homophobic.
and take me instead!" the Backstreet Boy wannabe said.
All: MATT!
"No," the fire bird
All: BIRDRAMON!
said as it breathed a bunch of fireballs onto the gay boys
Yolei: The attack is Meteor Wing and the fireballs come from her WINGS!
Ken: Calm down.
and incinerated tyhem
Davis: Poor tyhem.
instantly, as well as the tiny stupid kid's dead body. Then the fire eagle got bored and flew off into the sky, but got tangled in electrical
cables
Ken: Which are conveniently in the digiworld...
and was zapped by a zillion and a half volts of electricity,
Kari: Gotta have that extra half, right?
plus a bolt of lighting zapped the stupid fire bird as well
Cody: overkill.
Then the bird fell from the sky and down the side of the same cliff that the computer freak died on.
Davis: You mean she was still alive that entire time?
"Aww, my digimon died." the retarded Sora girl said.
"Oh well." that kid with the 10 -foot tall aphro laughed.
Kari: It's TAI! Have you no respect for the dead?
Davis: (quoting earlier in the fic) ...the two nasty boys started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid's dead body...
Kari: Touché
Then out of nowhere, a diffrent digimon thingy appeared out of another bush.
Ken: Let's review, bush = small. Mega level digimon = large. author = moron
Jun: I'm going to count the number of "Thingies" in this story.
"Hi! My name is Rabiesmon," the creature informed the retards.
Davis: Look who's talking!
The digimon was covered in black, bloody fur and had huge fangs, dripping in foamy saliva.
Yolei: very nice description...
Then Rabiesmon jumped on that tiny stupid kid's yellow, cowboy-talking, armadillo thingy
All: ARMADILLOMON!
and bit its head. The armadillo then got rabies and went crazy.
Davis: of course...
It ripped off that slutty pink-haired girl's face, revealing her tiny brain.
Yolei: (mad) When you insult Mimi, you incur the wrath of Miyako!
Ken: That does it. No more Sailor Moon for you.
"Oh no!" Davis cried.
Davis: He got my name right!
He ran up into a tree to hide, but a big snake was in the tree and devoured Davis with one gulp.
Ken: how convenient
The snake also ate his blue dinosaur digimon thingy.
All: VEEMON!
Then the snake became so heavy, that the tree tipped over and fell into some jagged spikes,
Ken: which were conv...
Yolei: You've said it already.
and the snake was further crushed by an obese baboon
Davis: Self-insertion!
who tripped on the spikes.
Davis: Why would Jerry kill himself?
Then in a chain reaction, the fat baboon set off and earthquake!
Cody: AN earthquake.
A huge bottomless pit appeared and swallowed up the stupid armadillo thingy, Rabiesmon and a bunch of the stupid kid's digmons.
Jun: That's a convenient way to kill multiple digimon without thinking of a creative death...
The earthquake then stopped as quickly as it began. "Yay! We're safe now!" the purple-haired geek cries happily.
Yolei: I have a name, you know.
"I like pies," the kid with the huge aphro said.
Davis: You hear that, Taito fans? Tai likes Pie. Not strudel, pie.
Kari: Davis, I think you may have watched too much wrestling.
Suddenly, pie flew out of the sky and hit the kid in the face.
All:...
The kid then died, because he suffocated from the whip-cream.
Cody: anyone would suffocate if they had a cream made out of whips on their face.
Then that range bat-eared pig thing came and licked up all the whip cream off the dead kid's face.
(Davis opens his mouth to say something, Kari covers his mouth)
Ken: That's an interesting fet... (has his mouth covered by Yolei)
Kari and Yolei: Save the sick jokes for the sick fics.
"Good batpig thingy, come here and give me a hug!" the goodie-goodie lesbian said, "thanks you for killing my brother."
Kari: There are so many things wrong here.
"No problem!" the bat pig thingy said.
Cody: (as Patamon) do not discuss my secret identity
Davis: please no more riffs based on other fics. I'm pretty sure that's a fourth wall violation
(A/N: Please tell me the real meaning of a fourth wall violation)
The batpig flew over to the goodie-goodie lesbian but out of nowhere, a huge bullet impaled the batpig's skull.
Davis: Impaled. Nice big word
Jun: Just try to use it in the right context next time
The digimon's head exploded form the violent force. Blood and bits of bone rained down like red snowflakes on the digimon kids.
Ken: Back to the descriptive deaths.
Then the headless body of the batpig fell into the retarded Sora girl's lap.
Davis: Ten bucks says Sora dies of fear.
Ken: I've learned not to bet on a sure thing
"AAAAA!" the retarded Sora girl screamed.
Davis: You all passed up ten bucks
"Where did that come from?" the Backstreet Boy wannabe asked gayly.
Davis: (as gayly) How would I know?
Then ANOTHER stupid digimon thingy at the ultra, giga, hyper, mega, fagate, person killing, level appeared.
Davis: I assume we're supposed to assume that this is the most powerful digimon of all time.
Kari: Something like that
The digimon was unbeatable.
Cody: Until it meets its fate through its own stupidity
"Hi! My name is Shitbagmon," the thing said. The creature was holding a huge machine gun and various other firearms.
Kari: how sad is this? A digimon that needs WEAPONS to fight?
Davis: Kari, think of the fact that Mummymon is in this fortress somewhere...
Kari: But that was at least a real attack!
Its machine gun was pointed directly at the orange dinosaur thingy's head.
All: AGUMON!!!
"NO! Don't shoot me!' the dinosaur thingy pleaded pathetically, just like it dead master.
Jun: Tai was killed by a pie. He didn't plead at all.
"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" Shitbagmon laughed with pure evil in its voice.
He blew up the dinosaur's body as well as ever other digimon around the digimon kids.
Davis: so now all the digimon are dead?
Ken: It's a way to ensure the story doesn't go too long.
When Shitbagmon was done killing the digimon, there was a huge lake of blood around the remaining digimon people.
Cody: and we don't drown in it because...
Yolei: You don't because you're already dead. I don't because the author's a moron.
The kids were all smothered with the guts of their pathtic digimons.
"I am so sad...My digimon died" the goodie-goodie lesbian said.
Kari: at least he gave me some compassion.
"I HATE LESBIANS!!!!" Shitbagmon screamed as he took out a huge grenade and stuffed it down the lezbo's shirt.
Davis: Homophobic! Definitely homophobic!
The greanade exploded into a psycho ball of flames and guts and blood and other nearby stuff.
Davis: I'm not going to begin on that one...
All the digimon people were now dead as well
Ken: once again Jerry manages to pull off a massive "death to everyone" without any actual thought.
Then Shitbafmon laughed evilly, but he stupidly walked into the bottomless pit
Ken: there was a bottomless pit?
Cody: I told you.
and kept falling for a very long time, until he landed on the bottom where there was a huge pool of digimon-eating thingys. The digimon-eating thingy ate Shitbagmon in a most greedy and bloody fashion.
Jun: make up your mind! Was it one or more?
Then that short old retarded guy who never opens his eyes and soundes like Jedi from Star Wars
All except Jun: GENAI!!!
came to the digimon world and let in a bunch of anti-digimon communists take over all the stuff and digimon thingys.
Jun: eighteen.
Kari: What?
Jun: the number of times he used the word "Thingy"
-----------------------------------------
Davis: Is it over?
Ken: yes.
Davis: are we all still sane?
Kari: all except Yolei.
(Yolei is sitting in the corner muttering something about "the wrath of Miyako")
(the theatre doors open)
TK: hello my little Guinea Pigs. How did you like the story?
Davis: That is considered cruel and unusual punishment.
TK: How about you, Cody?
Cody: Traumatized... for... life...
TK: How did it affect the great mind of Ken Ichijoji?
Ken: Make it stop!
TK: Kari, next time I'm screening the sequel. There is a way for you to get out of it... if you choose to take it.
Kari: by "Take it", do you mean the way out, or "take it like..."
TK: (interrupting) both.
Kari: I would sooner watch a Taikari lemon marathon than take that exit.
TK: That can be arranged...
(Yolei is still babbling in the corner)
TK: no need to get that opinion. Jun?
Jun: Kill me now!
Stinger: the two nasty boys started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid's dead body.
What did you think? Does it deserve to go in the MST Hall of Fame, or the MST Hall of Shame?
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(we see the main digidestined from Darkened Hopes going through a Digital Portal, and landing in a cell in TK's fortress)
Davis: I hadn't expected that. Who thought TR would be clever enough to think of something like this?
TK: I see you've underestimated me once again. This time you will pay for your error in judgment.
Jun: You wouldn't kill us, would you?
Kari (quietly): Um, he did kill my brother.
TK: No, I'm not in that mood right now. I'm in more of a "Torture" mood.
Yolei: as in...
TK: The worst torture known to man.
Davis: You don't mean...
TK: Bad fanfics.
All: NOOOOOO!!!!!
TK: We'll get onto the lemons later.
Cody: What's a lemon?
Davis: Let's hope you don't find out any time soon.
Yolei: It's a porno fic.
TK: Get into the theatre. WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!
Kari: What?
TK: A nod to the driving force behind the idea. Dog Bone!
(nothing happens)
TK: Myotismon, send them through the doors. Dog Bone!
(door sequence)
(Door 1 is a digiportal. They cover their ears to block out the terrible English dub music)
(Door 2 is Magnaangemon's Gate of Destiny. They pass through it with some concern as to where it goes)
(Door 3 is shaped like a lemon (the fruit). It opens with a moan and all kinds of juices spill out)
(Door 4 is a normal door guarded by a mallet. As they pass through it the mallet hits each one of them)
(Door 5 is the Digimon logo in a circle with a line through it. Each one of them kicks it to open it)
TK: I see you made it. Now enjoy the fic, the doors are now locked.
Davis: I don't understand him.
---------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: I don't own digimon and I'm glad I don't own the nasty thing.
Davis: I think we're gonna be glad you don't own us.
DIGIMON DIE
Kari: how cheerful
Ken: no, Digimon are reconfigured in the primary village.
Davis: I don't think he cares...
by Jerry Springer
Jun: (as JS guest) I's sleeping with my mother's sister's cat's kitten's mother's owner's sister.
Davis: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
Once upon a time
Cody: There was an author who wrote bad antifics about the digidestined under the name "Jerry Springer". He was killed by all of the digimon fans in the world, and then the Pokémon fans pissed on his grave for his work under the name "Mr Bigelsworth"
there was a group of stupid digimon people.
Yolei: There's the pot calling the kettle black
Jun: A stainless steel kettle.
They lived in the digimon lands.
Kari: first, that's the digiworld, second, we don't live there.
One day, the stupid digimon people decided to go on a walk in the forest.
Kari: I still remember that forest
Davis: How? He didn't even say where it was.
"I'm scared of this forest," the tiny stupid kid said.
All: That's CODY!
"Go eat your prune juice," the retarded Sora girl replied.
Davis: I really should say something...
Cody: You don't eat prune juice, you drink it.
Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bush
Davis: as a giant snake entered it.
Kari: Davis, keep down the perverse thoughts
and a giant digimon jumped out.
Ken: A giant Digimon can't fit in a bush
The digimon was real ugly,
Yolei: Just like Jerry Springer.
just like all the kids. "Hi. My name is NastyWhoremon." the thing said.
Jun: "Thing," how descriptive
"OMG! Its my mom!" The slutty pink-haired girl said.
Davis: Does Mimi have a brother? One who doesn't like digimon?
Kari: You're saying that it's Jerry's mother, right?
Davis: Right on the nose!
Then NastyWhoremon went and grabbed that computer freak kid's laptop and smashed it over his head.
Davis: (as Izzy) Charlene!
Yolei: WHAT?
Davis: a fic I read once.
The computer freak kid almost dies from the impact on his delicate brain,
Ken: a genius's brain is a delicate thing. I speak from experience
but he didn't, much to the hatred of the world.
Kari: The world, or idiots?
Davis: idiots.
"Oh no, my computer!" the computer freak kid screamed.
Cody: I hate to say it, but he's right on this one
Jun: Don't get too used to it.
then he went and jumped off a cliff, committing suicide.
Cody: Or not...
When the kid landed on the bottom, he splattered all over and a bunch of dinosars came and devoured him messily.
Davis: is that Tyranomon, Greymon, Monochromon...
Ken: don't bother.
"Oh dear, now we have no way to tell where we are, since that computer freak kid's computer is smashed."
Cody: He's right!
Jun: second and last time
The Backstreet Boy wannabe said.
Jun: Matt beats out all the Backstreet Boys by a mile.
Davis: Never mind that he has a rock band, not a boy band.
Jun: That too.
"I wet my pants," the tiny stupid kid squealed.
Cody: No, I don't
"HA HA" NastyWhoremon said as it grabbed that Joe kid and carried him off into the woods where he was raped repeatedly,
Cody: Ah! Permanent Trauma!
Davis: Just be grateful he didn't describe it.
Cody: (twitches)
Davis: exactly.
until he died.
Davis: At least he didn't have a graphic death.
Yolei: I wouldn't call it painless or easy.
Then a month later, NastyWhoremon was pregnant
Davis: All who didn't see that coming put up your hands
(All hands stay down)
and had a digimon/human cyborg baby a few months after that.
Ken: that's hybrid.
"Aww, its so cute," the goodie-goodie lesbian with the white cat thingy said.
Cody: white cat thingy... Kari!
Davis: Kari is NOT a lesbian! I say this with quite a bit of certainty.
"I named him Sally," NastyWhoremon replied.
Cody: I'd hate to be him in school...
Then NastyWhoremon decided to leave the retarded digimon kids alone and went back into the forest with its baby.
Cody: (as fic Kari) No, come back Sally!
The stupid digimon kids were still lost in the woods and it was getting dark.
Davis: the woods were getting dark?
So they made a small camp for the night.
Jun: how would they make a "small camp" for ten people and twelve digimon?
Ken: Author logic
Davis: Moron logic.
"AAAAAAAA!!!" that tiny stupid kid screamed.
Cody: (as fic Cody) I'm in a really bad anti-fic!
"What's wrong?" the goodie-goodie lesbian asked.
Cody: (as fic Cody) I just told you!
The tiny stupid kid just fell over, dead.
Davis: Cody gets out of a graphic painful death? WHY?
The other digimon people pulled the tiny stupid kid's pants down and discovered that the boy died from peeing in his pants.
Ken: because it was a really embarrassing death.
The kid peed so hard that his head popped off.
All: ...
Davis: I think he's running out of ideas.
"Oh no." the orange dinosaur thingy said.
All: AGUMON!
"Too bad..." the Digimon Emperor cried.
Ken: Will you let me forget that?
"Aww, poor digimon emperor, I feel your pain," that blond-haired gay kid with a helmet said.
Davis: Shouldn't that be "That blond-haired gay kid who stole Gilligan's hat"?
Kari: Who cares? He just insulted TK! (yelling) You hear that? He insulted you!
"I'm so happy about that," the digimon emperor said.
Ken: Can anyone say "Out of character"?
All besides Ken: Out of character.
And before you were able to say "gay fags"
Davis: gay fags.
the two nasty boys started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid's dead body.
Yolei: I'm just going to leave that sentence as insulting itself enough.
Suddenyl
Cody: I knew how to spell "suddenly" when I became digidestined.
that retarded Sora girl's digimon-growing pacemaker
All: DIGIVICE!
Thingy
Jun: This guy's obsessed with "Thingies"
started to glow and her pink bird thingy turned
into that other bird thingy with big teeth and flames all over.
All: BIYOMON DIGIVOLVED TO BIRDRAMON!
"I hate gay fags!"
Davis: I think this author may be homophobic.
the fire bird thing screames as it looks
Ken: is this in the past or the present? Makeup your mind!
down upon the digimon emperor and that blond-haired gay kid with a helmet.
All: KEN AND...
All except Davis: TK
Davis: TU
"NO! fire eagle,
All: BIRDRAMON!
spare my gay idiot brother
Davis: Most likely homophobic.
and take me instead!" the Backstreet Boy wannabe said.
All: MATT!
"No," the fire bird
All: BIRDRAMON!
said as it breathed a bunch of fireballs onto the gay boys
Yolei: The attack is Meteor Wing and the fireballs come from her WINGS!
Ken: Calm down.
and incinerated tyhem
Davis: Poor tyhem.
instantly, as well as the tiny stupid kid's dead body. Then the fire eagle got bored and flew off into the sky, but got tangled in electrical
cables
Ken: Which are conveniently in the digiworld...
and was zapped by a zillion and a half volts of electricity,
Kari: Gotta have that extra half, right?
plus a bolt of lighting zapped the stupid fire bird as well
Cody: overkill.
Then the bird fell from the sky and down the side of the same cliff that the computer freak died on.
Davis: You mean she was still alive that entire time?
"Aww, my digimon died." the retarded Sora girl said.
"Oh well." that kid with the 10 -foot tall aphro laughed.
Kari: It's TAI! Have you no respect for the dead?
Davis: (quoting earlier in the fic) ...the two nasty boys started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid's dead body...
Kari: Touché
Then out of nowhere, a diffrent digimon thingy appeared out of another bush.
Ken: Let's review, bush = small. Mega level digimon = large. author = moron
Jun: I'm going to count the number of "Thingies" in this story.
"Hi! My name is Rabiesmon," the creature informed the retards.
Davis: Look who's talking!
The digimon was covered in black, bloody fur and had huge fangs, dripping in foamy saliva.
Yolei: very nice description...
Then Rabiesmon jumped on that tiny stupid kid's yellow, cowboy-talking, armadillo thingy
All: ARMADILLOMON!
and bit its head. The armadillo then got rabies and went crazy.
Davis: of course...
It ripped off that slutty pink-haired girl's face, revealing her tiny brain.
Yolei: (mad) When you insult Mimi, you incur the wrath of Miyako!
Ken: That does it. No more Sailor Moon for you.
"Oh no!" Davis cried.
Davis: He got my name right!
He ran up into a tree to hide, but a big snake was in the tree and devoured Davis with one gulp.
Ken: how convenient
The snake also ate his blue dinosaur digimon thingy.
All: VEEMON!
Then the snake became so heavy, that the tree tipped over and fell into some jagged spikes,
Ken: which were conv...
Yolei: You've said it already.
and the snake was further crushed by an obese baboon
Davis: Self-insertion!
who tripped on the spikes.
Davis: Why would Jerry kill himself?
Then in a chain reaction, the fat baboon set off and earthquake!
Cody: AN earthquake.
A huge bottomless pit appeared and swallowed up the stupid armadillo thingy, Rabiesmon and a bunch of the stupid kid's digmons.
Jun: That's a convenient way to kill multiple digimon without thinking of a creative death...
The earthquake then stopped as quickly as it began. "Yay! We're safe now!" the purple-haired geek cries happily.
Yolei: I have a name, you know.
"I like pies," the kid with the huge aphro said.
Davis: You hear that, Taito fans? Tai likes Pie. Not strudel, pie.
Kari: Davis, I think you may have watched too much wrestling.
Suddenly, pie flew out of the sky and hit the kid in the face.
All:...
The kid then died, because he suffocated from the whip-cream.
Cody: anyone would suffocate if they had a cream made out of whips on their face.
Then that range bat-eared pig thing came and licked up all the whip cream off the dead kid's face.
(Davis opens his mouth to say something, Kari covers his mouth)
Ken: That's an interesting fet... (has his mouth covered by Yolei)
Kari and Yolei: Save the sick jokes for the sick fics.
"Good batpig thingy, come here and give me a hug!" the goodie-goodie lesbian said, "thanks you for killing my brother."
Kari: There are so many things wrong here.
"No problem!" the bat pig thingy said.
Cody: (as Patamon) do not discuss my secret identity
Davis: please no more riffs based on other fics. I'm pretty sure that's a fourth wall violation
(A/N: Please tell me the real meaning of a fourth wall violation)
The batpig flew over to the goodie-goodie lesbian but out of nowhere, a huge bullet impaled the batpig's skull.
Davis: Impaled. Nice big word
Jun: Just try to use it in the right context next time
The digimon's head exploded form the violent force. Blood and bits of bone rained down like red snowflakes on the digimon kids.
Ken: Back to the descriptive deaths.
Then the headless body of the batpig fell into the retarded Sora girl's lap.
Davis: Ten bucks says Sora dies of fear.
Ken: I've learned not to bet on a sure thing
"AAAAA!" the retarded Sora girl screamed.
Davis: You all passed up ten bucks
"Where did that come from?" the Backstreet Boy wannabe asked gayly.
Davis: (as gayly) How would I know?
Then ANOTHER stupid digimon thingy at the ultra, giga, hyper, mega, fagate, person killing, level appeared.
Davis: I assume we're supposed to assume that this is the most powerful digimon of all time.
Kari: Something like that
The digimon was unbeatable.
Cody: Until it meets its fate through its own stupidity
"Hi! My name is Shitbagmon," the thing said. The creature was holding a huge machine gun and various other firearms.
Kari: how sad is this? A digimon that needs WEAPONS to fight?
Davis: Kari, think of the fact that Mummymon is in this fortress somewhere...
Kari: But that was at least a real attack!
Its machine gun was pointed directly at the orange dinosaur thingy's head.
All: AGUMON!!!
"NO! Don't shoot me!' the dinosaur thingy pleaded pathetically, just like it dead master.
Jun: Tai was killed by a pie. He didn't plead at all.
"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!" Shitbagmon laughed with pure evil in its voice.
He blew up the dinosaur's body as well as ever other digimon around the digimon kids.
Davis: so now all the digimon are dead?
Ken: It's a way to ensure the story doesn't go too long.
When Shitbagmon was done killing the digimon, there was a huge lake of blood around the remaining digimon people.
Cody: and we don't drown in it because...
Yolei: You don't because you're already dead. I don't because the author's a moron.
The kids were all smothered with the guts of their pathtic digimons.
"I am so sad...My digimon died" the goodie-goodie lesbian said.
Kari: at least he gave me some compassion.
"I HATE LESBIANS!!!!" Shitbagmon screamed as he took out a huge grenade and stuffed it down the lezbo's shirt.
Davis: Homophobic! Definitely homophobic!
The greanade exploded into a psycho ball of flames and guts and blood and other nearby stuff.
Davis: I'm not going to begin on that one...
All the digimon people were now dead as well
Ken: once again Jerry manages to pull off a massive "death to everyone" without any actual thought.
Then Shitbafmon laughed evilly, but he stupidly walked into the bottomless pit
Ken: there was a bottomless pit?
Cody: I told you.
and kept falling for a very long time, until he landed on the bottom where there was a huge pool of digimon-eating thingys. The digimon-eating thingy ate Shitbagmon in a most greedy and bloody fashion.
Jun: make up your mind! Was it one or more?
Then that short old retarded guy who never opens his eyes and soundes like Jedi from Star Wars
All except Jun: GENAI!!!
came to the digimon world and let in a bunch of anti-digimon communists take over all the stuff and digimon thingys.
Jun: eighteen.
Kari: What?
Jun: the number of times he used the word "Thingy"
-----------------------------------------
Davis: Is it over?
Ken: yes.
Davis: are we all still sane?
Kari: all except Yolei.
(Yolei is sitting in the corner muttering something about "the wrath of Miyako")
(the theatre doors open)
TK: hello my little Guinea Pigs. How did you like the story?
Davis: That is considered cruel and unusual punishment.
TK: How about you, Cody?
Cody: Traumatized... for... life...
TK: How did it affect the great mind of Ken Ichijoji?
Ken: Make it stop!
TK: Kari, next time I'm screening the sequel. There is a way for you to get out of it... if you choose to take it.
Kari: by "Take it", do you mean the way out, or "take it like..."
TK: (interrupting) both.
Kari: I would sooner watch a Taikari lemon marathon than take that exit.
TK: That can be arranged...
(Yolei is still babbling in the corner)
TK: no need to get that opinion. Jun?
Jun: Kill me now!
Stinger: the two nasty boys started to make-out, right on top of the tiny stupid kid's dead body.
What did you think? Does it deserve to go in the MST Hall of Fame, or the MST Hall of Shame?