Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Digital Fiction Theatre 3000 ❯ They Came From Another World ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Pistoffveemon 
The Digidestined learn that the sequel rule also applies to badfics. And the Power of the Fourth Wall is revealed.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.15.2002 | Updated On: 02.14.2003 | Pages: 11 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 949 | Status: Completed
The Digidestined learn that the sequel rule also applies to badfics. And the Power of the Fourth Wall is revealed.
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Hentai | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 06.15.2002 | Updated On: 02.14.2003 | Pages: 11 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 949 | Status: Completed
DFT3K
(Int TK's fortress. The DD are sitting around discussing how they were tripping over each other's jokes last time.)
Davis: I think we each need to cover a specific type of joke.
Kari: Let's face it, if we think it through this we'll go insane faster than if w read the fics without comment. Therefore we should just do as we did last time.
Ken: I think you're right.
(TK enters the room.)
TK: It's time. As I promised I have the sequel to the last one. Kari, you still have the option to get out of this.
Kari: And I would rather pose for Tentacle Porn. I would take a freakish tentacled monster over you any day!
TK: You're going to regret those words. You're getting your first lemon next. Dogbone!
(door sequence)
(Door 1 is a digiportal. They cover their ears to block out the terrible English dub music)
(Door 2 is Magnaangemon's Gate of Destiny. They pass through it with some concern as to where it goes)
(Door 3 is shaped like a lemon (the fruit). It opens with a moan and all kinds of juices spill out)
(Door 4 is a normal door guarded by a mallet. As they pass through it the mallet hits each one of them)
(Door 5 is the Digimon logo in a circle with a line through it. Each one of them kicks it to open it)
TK: Now enjoy.
I don't own anything here except, myself and a weed joint.
Davis: Which I actually bummed off Snoop Dogg.
Ken: Wasn't HE the Scavenger in Halfbaked?
Davis: Forget it.
This is yet another anti-digimon fic filled with pointless death.
Kari: Doesn't the phrase "Yet another" imply there was more than one before?
Cody: He could be confusing the fics written for various "mon" series.
EVERY DIGIMON DIES...THE SEQUEL
Ken: And the winner for least original title of the year goes to...
BY JERRY SPRINGER
Yolei: All "Jerry Springer" jokes have already been made already.
(Jun throws a chair at the screen)
Jun: But I'm not letting that stop me.
Let me tell you digimon worshippers something before we begin... the only reason I seem to have a vague idea of the digimon kids is cuz my little brother is OBSESSED with the show.
Ken: and I always watch it over his shoulder pretending to hate it.
And he also likes pokemon.
Davis: Born to be a winner.
Kari: Johto!
Anyway,....yea. Thats how I know.
Jun: Sounding more like an excuse by the second
And before we start, what is that evil computer virus digimon thingy
Jun: The "Thingy" parade begins already
who was in the first part thingy of the Digimon movie?
Yolei: Diaboromon
It was black and had blond hair.
Cody: Sisqo?
I wanna know, cuz I'm writing a fanfic about that
Ken: Pretty narrow target.
and I think it would be nice to know that one's name, instead of calling it the "evil black computer virus digimon thingy."
Kari: (as Jerry Springer) because I sympathize with other evil thingys.
One bright sunny day in the digimon lands,
All: Digiworld
everything was HAPPy!!!
Cody: ANd JERRy SPRINGEr WAs STUPId
But then it wasn't,
Davis: How unpredictable.
Kari: How unsarcastic
because there was an evil digimon named GodzillaCrackmon.
Ken: Oooh, original name.
Kari: I personally preferred Nastywhoremon
GodzillaCrackmon hated all the digimons in the world
Cody: Wait, isn't he a digimon himself?
and loved to blow
(Davis opens his mouth but Kari covers it)
Kari: Sick jokes for sick fics, remember?
Davis: This isn't sick enough?
Kari: I mean lemons.
their gay little asses to pieces. So then the digimon kids went up to GodzillaCrackmon with an intention to kill it.
Ken: Reconfigure! You can't KILL a digimon.
"Go hawk thingy with a belt on your forehead!" the purple-haired geek screamed.
Yolei: Wrath of Miyako building...
"DIGI-ASSHOLE-ENERGIZE!!!" all the kids screamed.
Ken: No, only "The gay kid with the helmet", "The goodie-goodie lesbian", "That stupid tiny kid", "The purple-haired geek", and Davis.
Cody: Yeah, why does he get Davis' name right?
Davis: Because he's judging from my Nimoy given personality, which is a fellow moron
Ken: Then why does he get Tai's name wrong?
(Izzy comes crashing in through the fourth wall, which instantly fixes itself)
All: Hi Izzy!
Izzy: Where am I?
Kari: In TK's fortress reading a bad fanfic.
Izzy: I had to ask...
Then in a freaky party thing,
Cody: Party! Party! Party!
all the digimon turned into those other digimon.
Davis: I think he means Digivolved. He just can't get the terminology.
GodzillaCrackmon was getting mad at all the kids bothering his destruction,
Ken: But we haven't done anything yet!
so he confronted tem angrily.
Kari: Who is "Tem" and why is GodzillaCrackmon angry at him?
GodzillaCrackmon was SO big,
Izzy: That he needed the "Doors" operating system because he couldn't fit through "Windows".
Yolei: That was lame.
Izzy: Better than this fic.
that when he walked, he smashed a bunch of trees. One of those trees had a nest of baby digimon in it
Cody: Great logic, except Baby Digimon are only found in the Primary Village!
and GodzillaCrackmon had squashed them to death with his foot.
Davis: Sorry, Cody, it was another convenience to kill Digimon off.
When he lifted his foot, there was a bloody splatter on the ground and a bunch of starving raccoons started feasting on the remains.
Ken: Raccoons in the digiworld. Not a good sign...
"Oh! I broke a fingernail!" the slutty pink-haired girl cried.
Izzy: Hey, Mimi's not THAT big a ditz.
She started running around in a circle frantically,
Davis: Like a dog chasing it's tail.
(Izzy gets angry)
Izzy: Mimi is NOT a bitch!
Davis: Woah, take it easy. It's not my fault she chose Joe over you.
(Davis ducks a flying laptop)
but tripped on her own digimon and her head fell directly into a huge, rusty spike.
Ken: Which was conveniently there.
The spike went through her eye and out the back of her head. GodzillaCrackmon looked pleased at her death and leaned his head over and gulped the girl down. "NOOOOO......" the Backstreet Boy wannabe screamed.
Davis: (as Matt) I wanted to eat Mimi!
Kari: Davis!
Davis: (innocently) what? There were no sexual implications in that sentence
The rest of the digimon kids got over the slutty pink-haired girl's death soon
Izzy: We care about Mimi more than that.
Cody: Yeah. We'd have at least a minute of mourning.
and now they were ready to fight GodzillaCrackmon.
Kari: Because we weren't ready before?
"Go giant orange dinosaur thing!"
Ken: when did Agumon digivolve?
Cody:In the "freaky party thing".
the kid with the huge afro said.
Davis: It's "Tai". "Tai". Get it right! Please.
Just then, the giant orange dinosaur ran away from its master
Yolei: What are we, Pokémon trainers?
Izzy: Hey, look at this sarcasm detector I invented.
cuz it saw some food,
Jun: Yes, that makes sense...
(Izzy's Sarcasm Detector explodes)
Izzy: That took ten whole minutes to make!
but along the way, it stepped on a landmine and was blown up in an extremely gory manner.
Ken: Mercifully without an accompanying graphic description.
"NOOOOO......" the kid with the huge afro cried. GodzillaCrackmon was bored of the retarded kid's bothering it, so he decided to leave.
Davis: Doesn't he have to kill more of us?
Yolei: Don't worry, he'll find another way.
GodzillaCrackmon crashed away into the darkness.
Cody: Killing more Baby Digimon.
"We have to go kill the GodzillaCrackmon!" the retarded Sora girl shouted. "No, I don't want to," Davis said. "Awwwww................ok," the retarded Sora girl replied.
Cody: I've heard a conversation like that between people before.
Davis: Really?
Cody: Well, more read in an Anti-Pokémon fic by Mr Bigelsworth than heard...
Davis: That would explain it.
Suddenly, a psycho serial killer with a chainsaw popped up.
Yolei: Which international Digidestined would become a serial killer?
Kari: none of them. Jerry's just a moron.
His chainsaw roared loudly.
All: RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR
"Oh no" Joe said. That tiny stupid kid wet his pants for the 20th time in the last 5 minutes.
Cody: I do NOT wet my pants!
Ken: You should be grateful. He gave you one of his character traits.
"I'll save you!" That giant walrus with a shell on its back and a huge metal hammer in its hand said.
All: ZUDOMON!!!
Then the psycho serial killer sliced the walrus's legs off and blood instantly started spurting out. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" the serial killer laughed as he started to chop up the walrus thingy even more, into neat, yet bloody cubicles.
Davis: is it possible for something to be neat AND bloody at the same time?
When he was done with that, the serial killer made a huge pyramid out of the walrus thingy, just like the ones in Egypt, except more bloody.
Kari: and without the slave labour.
"Oh cool." The Backstreet Boy wannabe said, amazed. Then a bunch of pelicans made a nest on top of the pyramid and had laid eggs and stuff.
Jun: Has anyone here ever seen pelicans in the Digiworld?
All: NO!
Jun: That's what I thought.
The serial killer went on, slicing up more digimon. He killed that stupid green caterpillar thing
Ken: Wormon
and also the yellow, cowboy-talking armadillo.
Cody: Armadillomon.
Then as the serial killer went on to kill another digimon, he accidentally dropped his chainsaw. The chainsaw started spinning out-of-control and chopped the serial killer's head off.
Davis: What kind of moron would bend over after dropping a chainsaw so that it coule chop off his head?
The head flew through the air like a bird
Ken: As if this isn't bad enough already he throws in a stupid simile.
and landed right in the tiny stupid kid's arms.
Davis: Ten bucks says Cody dies of fear.
Ken: I'm not passing it up this time! You're on!
The tiny stupid kid got so scared form the gore and violence that he DIED.
(Ken gives Davis ten dollars)
The rest of the digimon people ran away down the forest trail so they'd be safe from the insane chainsaw.
Kari: How can something without a brain be insane?
Izzy: How would you describe Jerry?
Kari: Insa... right.
Then the purple-haired geek and the computer freak decided to have some unprotected sex.
Cody: Ten bucks says this produces either a male who will be given a female's name or vice-versa.
(no one accepts the bet)
Cody: So you all know this guy's style.
(All nod)
Cody: So I guess it would be useless to bet that it will take under nine months.
(All nod)
Cody: Dammit!
The girl became pregnant and soon after, had the nastiest, most gruesome baby alive.
Yolei: Thanks SOB.
In detail, it had vampire fangs and patches of brown fur growing in odd places.
Davis: Odd places, eh...
(Kari covers his mouth again)
The purple-haired geek died in childbirth, for as the baby was coming out, its long, animal-like claws teared up her insides.
Cody: (as Jerry Springer) I writed English goodly.
The other digimon people left baby and the computer freak by himself and continued walking down the path.
Izzy: so nice to know what a close group we are.
The computer freak decided to name the baby boy, Ira,
Cody: Is that even a name?
after his gay math teacher. After a couple lonely days in the woods, the computer freak got so starved that he ate his own baby and his own digimon(which I have no idea what it is)
Izzy: Tentomon
But the baby was the Child of Satan so the computer freak just burst into black flames and died.
Yolei: Wait, I'm not Satan. Izzy, are you Satan?
Izzy: No. I'm occasionally the Dark Koushirou, but that's all.
Anway, the other digimon kids have walked through the perilous forest and made it to a sandy beach!!!
Davis: Isn't this in the past?
Jun: So?
Davis: So, shouldn't that be in past tense?
"Oooo" the Digimon Emperor said.
Ken: I've changed. I've changed. Stop tormenting me with my past!
The Digimon Emperor grabbed a surfboard and dived
Cody: (as Jerry again) I writed another sentence goodly.
into the water and right into the jaws of a huge shark. The shark and its wife, a giant squid, equally devoured the Digimon Emperor's body in a disgusting frenzy. And at the site of blood, a huge bunch of seagulls landed on the water and started licking up the remains.
Izzy: It would take an entire page to list the things wrong with that paragraph
Computerized Voice: Fourth wall integrity has been compromised. Detecting emerging life forms.
(A/N: Can you tell what's coming next?)
(Terriermon comes through the wall)
(A/N: Is this too obvious?)
Davis: Here comes Willis.
(A/N: Does anyone NOT know what I'm doing here)
Terriermon: Come on, Henry.
(Lee Jenrya AKA Henry Wong from Tamers comes through)
Henry: Where am I?
Davis: Who are you?
ME (Yelling through the broken Fourth wall): Please, stop with the jokes about being in a fanfic. Otherwise you're going to bring Takato and Rika.
All (except Henry and Terriermon): WHO?
"NOOOOO...... not the Digimon Emperor!" the blond-haired gay kid with a helmet said.
Davis: He insulted TU again!
The kid then grabbed a shotgun and shot himself in the mouth, blowing his tiny brains out.
Kari: And killed him!
"NOOOOO...... not the blond-haired gay kid with a helmet!" his brother, the Backstreet Boy wannabe shouted as he grabbed the same shotgun and blew his head off too.
Ken: Anyone else sensing another series of related deaths?
All: Yes
Henry: What's going on?
Davis: We're stuck reading bad fanfiction.
"NOOOOO...... not the Backstreet Boy wannabe!" all the retarded digimon worshippers cried as they took turns and blew their heads off with the shotgun.
Izzy: It's physically impossible for any shotgun to hold that many shells. I don't think a machine gun can hold that many...
Davis: Just the retarded ones.
Izzy: That's different.
"NOOOOO...... not all the retarded digimon worshippers!" the orange bat pig thingy said as he grabbed the shotgun and tried to blow his head off but couldn't, cuz there were no more bullets left
Henry: After firing off 100,000 rounds, I'm not surprised.
.So instead, the bat pig thin dove into the water and drowned himself. Then the shark and the giant squid devoured it as well. "NOOOOO......ok" the white cat thing said.
Kari: Gatomon cares more than that...
"Are we done here, at the shore?" the retarded Sora girl asked the remaining digimon kids.
Henry: Who's left?
Ken: Sora, Davis, Kari, Tai, Joe, Veemon, Gatomon, Gabumon, Biyomon, Palmon, Hawkmon, and the international Digidestined.
Henry: I've read this before. He doesn't know about them. Except Michael, he dies.
"Yep" Joe said. Suddenly, a huge pirate ship appeared on the water and anchored itself on the shores.
Izzy: That sounded so much like Doctor Reliable that... that...
Kari: ...that it didn't?
Izzy: exactly.
"Oooo," that plant digimon thingy said.
All: PALMON!
A bunch of pirates jumped off the ship and noticed the digimon people. "Hi. we are Cock-Piratemons," the digimon said.
Davis: And Jerry's homophobia shines through again.
Cody: And attempts to give Digimon funny names/
Then the Cock-Piratemons went and kidnapped Joe and started to drag him to their pirate ship, but along the way, got run over by a steamroller,
Ken: There goes Joe.
which later got swallowed by a whale, that just happened to flop onto the beach.
Jun: There goes Whamon.
Davis: No, it's just a whale.
"Oh cool, a whale," Davis said.
Davis: I am NOT that stupid! Not even as interpreted by Jeff Nimoy!
Davis went up and petted the gigantic creature. The whale got mad so it lifted its head and in the air and crashed back down onto Davi's body.
Henry: Who's Davi?
Every single bone in Davis's body was broken at least 5 times.
Terriermon: this is just terrible. Terrier Tornado!
(Terriermon crashes into the screen)
TK (over Loudspeaker) Nice try!
The whale then laughed as it jumped back into the water, never to be seen again.
Henry: Whales can't jump, or laugh.
"That was weird," the kid with the huge afro said.
Kari: For the last time, his name is TAI!
Davis: Kari, don't speak in capitals!
Computerized Voice: Fourth wall integrity has been compromised. Detecting emerging life forms.
All (except Henry and Terriermon): Not again!
(Guilmon and Takato crash into the room)
Takato: Hey, Henry, where are we?
Guilmon: Takatomon, what just happened?
Henry: You wouldn't believe me if I told you!
Terriermon: We're stuck here reading really bad stories and insulting them.
Izzy: And periodically demolishing the Fourth Wall.
Davis: What's with the Takatomon thing? Are you part Digimon?
Takato: It's a long story. When I first created him...
Davis: Only the Emperor can do something like that! Get him!
ME: GET BACK TO THE STORY!
All: Yes sir.
The kid went up to inspect Davis's fallen body, but little did he know, something was watching he ever move.
Cody: That doesn't seem right.
(Guilmon attacks the screen)
Henry: Don't bother, I've already tried that.
Takato: Did you remember this?
(Takato pulls out his D-Power and takes out a card)
Henry: No.
(Digi-Modify sequence begins. Takato swipes a card through his D-Power and says "Digi-Modify! Wargreymon's Terra Force Activate!")
(Guilmon tries the attack but it fails.)
Takato: Could you guys tear a small hole in the...
Davis: Izzy, give me that laptop.
(Davis types part of the story into the laptop)
(A crack appears in the Fourth Wall and a sleeping Calamon falls through)
Takato: Digi-Modify! Digivolution Activate.
Computerized Voice (different from the one that announces Fourth Wall breaches): Digivolution.
(Digivolution sequence from Tamers starts)
TK: QUIT FOOLING AROUND! OMNIMON COULDN'T BREAK OUT OF THIS PLACE!
(Tamers digivolution sequence ends)
Just then, a huge man-eating wolf ran out of the shadows and grabbed the afro boy right in the ass with its needle-like teeth.
Jun: Right in the ass!
Davis: (starts humming porno music)
Kari: (shoots Davis an evil glare)
The kid screamed in agony, like there was no tomorrow.
Takato: Well for him there WAS no tomorrow.
The wolf growled and dragged afro boy back way into the darkness where its little man-eating puppys teared the kid apart.
Davis: This guy's as stupid as the host of that Jeopardy show.
Henry: Alec Trebec?
Davis: No, Ash Ketchum in another great fic by Pistoffveemon.
Computerized Voice: Fourth wall integrity has been compromised. Detecting emerging life forms.
All: (glare at Davis)
(Rika and Renemon come through the fourth wall)
Rika: What idiocy have you boys pulled me into today? We really need to get back to fighting the Devas.
A day later, the other digimon kids found afro boy's body and everything was eaten except for his head and huge hair.
Rika: If he's talking about Tai then that hair would kill anything that ate it.
Kari: He is.
Later, they discovered a family of sparrows and squirrels had made a nest in his nasty hair.
Takato: Sparrows and squirrels in the Digiworld?
Jun: If you had seen everything else he's done there that would seem insignificant.
"No, my lover has been eaten," the retarded Sora girl said.
Takato: See Henry, even idiots support Taiora.
Henry: I think that's "only idiots"
Izzy: And now we see the Digidestined rivalry of that generation.
"HA HA," the goodie-goodie lesbian laughed.
Rika: Should I even ask?
Kari: It's me as seen by Jerry Springer.
Next, the digimon people decided to go to one of those weird diigmon villages.
Jun: I have to agree. Those are weird.
They went to the one with those pink turnip thingys with weird eyes
All: YOKOMON!
and also the village where that fire digimon who looks like a man
All: Meramon.
and had a black gear thing stuck in his ass
Izzy: I believe it was in his BACK.
was bothering the turnips. "Oh no, the fire man is bothering my turnip thingys,"
Jun: The "thingys" which were inexplicably missing through most of this fic are back with a vengeance.
Davis: overtaking their rivals, the "Things" at the last second.
the pink bird thingy
All: Biyomon!
said. "We must save the turnip thingys!" all the stupid digimons
Davis: The plural of Digimon is Digimon.
Takato: Except in the first fifteen episodes. Then it was "Digimons"
Rika: I never thought your fanboy knowledge would come in handy.
screamed. Just then, the fire man grabbed and ate one of those turnip thingys. "NOOOOO......ok." the pink bird thingy screamed.
Henry: I would think Biyomon would care more about her In Training stage.
Next, the fire man blew a giant fireball right onto that hawk thing with a belt on its forehead, the green plant digimon thingy and the blue goat or wolf digimon with four arms.
Izzy: The only one of our Digimon with four arms is Megakabuterimon. And he definitely isn't a "wolf or goat".
They were all turned into ashes.
Takato: (to Davis) If you break the fourth wall one more time you'll bring in a nuisance.
Davis: (quickly) DigidestinedJeopardybyPistoffveemonreadit!
Voice: Fourth wall violation. Detecting bioemergence.
Yolei: That's an interesting phrase. I'm going to have to remember that one.
(Impmon appears)
Impmon: Woah, woah, woah. Have I been missing some kind of party between humans and digipets? And how did I get here?
Takato: (to Davis) See what you've done?
Davis: It doesn't matter how you got here. What matters is that you're stuck here, so insult this dipshit's fic.
Impmon: Oh, it's an MST is it? Well in that case...
"Go blue dinosaur thingy with red eyes!
All (except Impmon): Veemon!
Impmon: And you all know everything about Digimon. HOW? Granted, I can identify the Digimon if I want to...
All: Then shut up and go along with us!
DIGI-ASSHOLE-ENERGIZE!" Davis screamed.
Impmon: I know everything about any Digimon in existence, but I don't know what that is.
Takato: I think it's supposed to be "Digi Armour Energize"
Impmon: The "ancient form of Digivolving". Of course.
The blue digimon turned into AssDinosaurmon
Davis: Is that supposed to be Flamedramon or Raidramon?
Kari: Only one of them looks like a dinosaur. Figure it out.
or whatever the hell its called. Then AssDinoaurmon jumped onto the fire man's back, trying to strangle it, but instead, the retarded dinosaur got all his skin burned off cuz the digimon man was made of fire.
Cody: even though Flamedramon has the powers of fire?
Kari: They don't call it a "Bad fanfic" for no reason.
The dinosaur died soon after, from too many burns, although no one really gave a damn at his death.
Davis: Once again, he has the power of fire. He wouldn't die from burns!
Meanwhile, the pink bird thingy saved all those pink turnip thingys by hiding them in in a cave.
Rika: Finally, someone's done something intelligent!
Jun: I somehow doubt that...
Then the pink bird thingy ATE them all itself.
Izzy: I highly doubt Biyomon would eat her in-training form.
Jun: Told you!
The pink bird thingy became so fat, that it couldn't fit out the entrance of the cave, so it just stayed in the cave until it starved to death.
Henry: The second she lost weight she should have been able to squeeze out.
Impmon: Dis guy's a moron in desperate need of a... Funnel Flame!
(a ring of fire appears on the ground. A fireball than rises out of it and shoots towards the screen)
Takato: As annoying as you are, that's a pretty cool attack. That still doesn't mean you shouldn't go with your tamer though...
Impmon: (to Renemon) I said that if you told anyone about that I'd Badaboom you back to the Stone Age, Fox Face.
Renemon: The second that attack does any damage I'll start to care.
Davis: Will you let us back into the jokes?
Rika: You're old news now. Tamers are taking over.
ME: (from behind the fourth wall) It's Déjà vu all over again!
All: Shut up
ME: (as Wormon) Yes sirs. And Kari.
(Rika, Yolei and Jun look very annoyed)
ME: don't tell me what to do. I'm the one who's really in charge of what happens next. For example, I could write "All of the original and 02 Digidestined are sent home" and...
(I look around and they're gone)
ME: Whoops. (writing) the original Digidestined all come back.
(Matt's dad, Cody's father, Oikawa, and some unidentified people appear)
ME: Dammit! Let's see if I can get it right this time.
(I erase the previous message and write "Everyone who was here at the start comes back". Everyone reappears)
ME: I'm glad that's over.
Suddenly, the fire dude grabbed the goodie-goodie lesbian's whistle thing that she carries all the damn time.
Kari: Except that I gave it to Gatomon at the end of our first adventure and she lost it between the first and second adventure. Now I'd never go anywhere without my Digital Camera. Where is that thing anyways... Ooh... a Gatomon card. I'll just make it into a necklace and wear it all the time. Until I lose it.
ME: I'll only forgive that lame attempt at a joke because you chose Davis over TK.
Kari: Thanks.
ME: To turn Takari fans' catchphrase against them... Daikari 4 evah!
The fire man then whistled in her ear for so long and so loud, that the girl went deaf.
Izzy: Statistics have proven that prolonged exposure to loud noises can cause someone to go deaf.
Takato: In English?
Izzy: Jerry got something right!
Impmon: Excuse me, I need to call home. See if they've gotten that cold front yet...
After that, the fire digimon person went crazy cuz that black gear thingy was still stuck in his ass.
Ken: Having foreign items forcibly shoved in your ass can lead to trauma, insanity...
Davis: And becoming the Digimon Emperor without the benefit of a dark spore.
Jun: (quickly) mybrother'sremarksdonotinanywayrepresentanyhatredtowardsthehomosexualcomuni tyofwhichheisapart
Davis: That's right
(Jun snickers)
Davis: Except for the part about me being gay.
Jun: So close...
He FLUNG himself off a cliff and splattered all over at the bottom, with flaming body parts scattered all over.
Cody: Emphasis on the "flung"
Anyway, ONCE AGAIN, the digimon kids decided to go on a walk in the woods.
Henry: So he realizes he's being repetitive.
All of a sudden, that lion digimon who has a man's body
Izzy: That would be Leomon
popped out of a bush and started stalking the goodie-goodie lesbian from behind.
Davis: (singing) You say you like that, when I hit it form behind and I'll be right back, yeah that's my very next line...
Ken: A nice demonstration of why we don't do many song riffs.
The retarded Sora girl and Davis saw this and were yelling at the goodie-goodie lesbian to run away, but ALAS!, she was deaf
Rika: Continuity? In this fic?
Impmon: I really need to make that call...
and couldn't understand until....::CRUNCH::
Davis: Who ordered the Extra Crispy?
With one graceful swipe of the lion digimon's powerful claws, he decapitated the girl.
Izzy: How graceful can a death-swipe be?
Guilmon: It's best not to think about that.
Terriermon: yeah, momentai.
Her head fell to the ground and rolled around a bit.
The retarded Sora girl and Davis
Davis: At least make it "that stupid Davis kid". Sora can get out of hers by saying she isn't retarded, but I have no way out.
were so scared, they ran away like maniacs
Izzy: (with a dictionary) Maniac: see Jerry Springer.
Cody: Do you think we're being too hard on him?
(all pause for a few seconds)
All: Nah!
far, FAR away, to the other side of the digimon land. When they were too tired to run anymore, they too, decided to have sex, but it took them a while, because they weren't able to find Davis's microscopical dick.
Rika: So that's where he put all the commas that weren't where they belong...
Davis: Okay, if he's going to insult me he can at least use real words!
They found it after a few hours of searching and then they had sex.
Davis: This scene could be described in detail next time.
(all shudder)
When they were done, the retarded Sora girl grabbed a gun. "That was the worst sex I've ever had!"
Yolei: Where'd that voice come from?
Henry: Moronland.
then she shot Davis in the microscopical nuts a few times and also in the neck, just to make sure he'd die.
Ken: After all, you have a very good chance of missing a "microscopical" target...
Then the retarded Sora girl walked away and listened to Davis's moans of pain slowly fade away in the wind...
Davis (singing) I don't want to fade away, walk that country mile. I don't want to fade away, I plan to go out in style.
(A/N: If I got the lyrics wrong, I apologize)
The retarded Sora girl was all alone now.
Jun: So very alone...
She was really lonely and had nothing better to waste the last bullet she had in the gun so she just popped the gun in her mouth and shot herself.
Davis: Was anyone spared?
Kari: He seems to think that he killed Gatomon in the shotgun saga, but she didn't care enough about Patamon to kill herself.
Jun: Jerry's getting sloppy...
No one found the kid's bodies. The wild digimon things probably ate them all.
Davis: The ones that weren't burned to ashes or eaten already at least...
Oh yea, and before the end, that blond-haired kid who lives in America, no, not the one with the helmet,
Yolei: So he knows about Michael but he ignores him entirely?
Davis: Apparently...
the one who has those two twin digimon rabbit thingys
Terriermon: Why do people not get that my kind are NOT rabbits? BUNNY BLAST!
(fires what will from this point on be referred to as "Blazing Ice")
Henry: That could have something to do with it. Quickly, who was in charge of dubbing the movie where that attack was first seen?
Davis: Who else?
Kari: Yet another reason that Jeff Nimoy must be hunted down and slaughtered graphically.
Terriermon: Could I Matrix Digivolve and shoot a Miracle Missile up his ass?
Renemon: Only if I don't get to him first.
and one of the rabbits was possessed by Satan ...well he dies too.
All: Big surprise!
The rabid bunny digimon eat him alive VERY SLOWLY.
Impmon: Well, may I do the honour of burning that fic?
Guilmon: No. It's my job.
Rika: It's not over yet. We still need to mock his closing comments.
the end
All: Thank god!
please review
Impmon: We prefer to MST.
(Calamon recovers from the initial shock of ending up in another world)
Calamon: Hi. Do you want to play?
I hate digimon so HA. And you people should be happy.
Davis: We're happy that Pistoffveemon promised to take us out the second this one ended.
I am expressing my opinion to this gruesome show in a most constructive manner.
Kari: More like opinions of this constructive show in a most gruesome manner.
All: It's OVER!!!
(TK comes down)
TK: So how bad was it?
Calamon: I don't know, I was asleep the whole time.
TK: Who are you people?
Tamers: We're the Digimon Tamers!
TK: You have instantly become worthy of being kept here.
All: NO!!!
Davis: Welcome to the group.
TK: (turning to Impmon) You seem like a powerful digimon. How would you like to be my partner?
Impmon: Great. And after that could you give me a leash, a name, and shove white-hot coals up my ass?
TK: Point taken. You don't like humans. You're just data scum.
Takato: This is seeming disturbingly familiar...
TK: I suppose I should tell you what you're up against next. It's a real stinker called "Cody Declare his love towards Izz"
Ken: Three errors in the title alone. Not a good sign.
TK; Well, go to your sleeping quarters. Tomorrow's a brand new day with poorly written Yaoi lemons.
Davis (to Kari): If you love me, you'll smother me in my sleep.
TK: Well, go!
(everyone leaves)
Stinger: When they were too tired to run anymore, they too, decided to have sex, but it took them a while, because they weren't able to find Davis's microscopical dick.
(Int TK's fortress. The DD are sitting around discussing how they were tripping over each other's jokes last time.)
Davis: I think we each need to cover a specific type of joke.
Kari: Let's face it, if we think it through this we'll go insane faster than if w read the fics without comment. Therefore we should just do as we did last time.
Ken: I think you're right.
(TK enters the room.)
TK: It's time. As I promised I have the sequel to the last one. Kari, you still have the option to get out of this.
Kari: And I would rather pose for Tentacle Porn. I would take a freakish tentacled monster over you any day!
TK: You're going to regret those words. You're getting your first lemon next. Dogbone!
(door sequence)
(Door 1 is a digiportal. They cover their ears to block out the terrible English dub music)
(Door 2 is Magnaangemon's Gate of Destiny. They pass through it with some concern as to where it goes)
(Door 3 is shaped like a lemon (the fruit). It opens with a moan and all kinds of juices spill out)
(Door 4 is a normal door guarded by a mallet. As they pass through it the mallet hits each one of them)
(Door 5 is the Digimon logo in a circle with a line through it. Each one of them kicks it to open it)
TK: Now enjoy.
I don't own anything here except, myself and a weed joint.
Davis: Which I actually bummed off Snoop Dogg.
Ken: Wasn't HE the Scavenger in Halfbaked?
Davis: Forget it.
This is yet another anti-digimon fic filled with pointless death.
Kari: Doesn't the phrase "Yet another" imply there was more than one before?
Cody: He could be confusing the fics written for various "mon" series.
EVERY DIGIMON DIES...THE SEQUEL
Ken: And the winner for least original title of the year goes to...
BY JERRY SPRINGER
Yolei: All "Jerry Springer" jokes have already been made already.
(Jun throws a chair at the screen)
Jun: But I'm not letting that stop me.
Let me tell you digimon worshippers something before we begin... the only reason I seem to have a vague idea of the digimon kids is cuz my little brother is OBSESSED with the show.
Ken: and I always watch it over his shoulder pretending to hate it.
And he also likes pokemon.
Davis: Born to be a winner.
Kari: Johto!
Anyway,....yea. Thats how I know.
Jun: Sounding more like an excuse by the second
And before we start, what is that evil computer virus digimon thingy
Jun: The "Thingy" parade begins already
who was in the first part thingy of the Digimon movie?
Yolei: Diaboromon
It was black and had blond hair.
Cody: Sisqo?
I wanna know, cuz I'm writing a fanfic about that
Ken: Pretty narrow target.
and I think it would be nice to know that one's name, instead of calling it the "evil black computer virus digimon thingy."
Kari: (as Jerry Springer) because I sympathize with other evil thingys.
One bright sunny day in the digimon lands,
All: Digiworld
everything was HAPPy!!!
Cody: ANd JERRy SPRINGEr WAs STUPId
But then it wasn't,
Davis: How unpredictable.
Kari: How unsarcastic
because there was an evil digimon named GodzillaCrackmon.
Ken: Oooh, original name.
Kari: I personally preferred Nastywhoremon
GodzillaCrackmon hated all the digimons in the world
Cody: Wait, isn't he a digimon himself?
and loved to blow
(Davis opens his mouth but Kari covers it)
Kari: Sick jokes for sick fics, remember?
Davis: This isn't sick enough?
Kari: I mean lemons.
their gay little asses to pieces. So then the digimon kids went up to GodzillaCrackmon with an intention to kill it.
Ken: Reconfigure! You can't KILL a digimon.
"Go hawk thingy with a belt on your forehead!" the purple-haired geek screamed.
Yolei: Wrath of Miyako building...
"DIGI-ASSHOLE-ENERGIZE!!!" all the kids screamed.
Ken: No, only "The gay kid with the helmet", "The goodie-goodie lesbian", "That stupid tiny kid", "The purple-haired geek", and Davis.
Cody: Yeah, why does he get Davis' name right?
Davis: Because he's judging from my Nimoy given personality, which is a fellow moron
Ken: Then why does he get Tai's name wrong?
(Izzy comes crashing in through the fourth wall, which instantly fixes itself)
All: Hi Izzy!
Izzy: Where am I?
Kari: In TK's fortress reading a bad fanfic.
Izzy: I had to ask...
Then in a freaky party thing,
Cody: Party! Party! Party!
all the digimon turned into those other digimon.
Davis: I think he means Digivolved. He just can't get the terminology.
GodzillaCrackmon was getting mad at all the kids bothering his destruction,
Ken: But we haven't done anything yet!
so he confronted tem angrily.
Kari: Who is "Tem" and why is GodzillaCrackmon angry at him?
GodzillaCrackmon was SO big,
Izzy: That he needed the "Doors" operating system because he couldn't fit through "Windows".
Yolei: That was lame.
Izzy: Better than this fic.
that when he walked, he smashed a bunch of trees. One of those trees had a nest of baby digimon in it
Cody: Great logic, except Baby Digimon are only found in the Primary Village!
and GodzillaCrackmon had squashed them to death with his foot.
Davis: Sorry, Cody, it was another convenience to kill Digimon off.
When he lifted his foot, there was a bloody splatter on the ground and a bunch of starving raccoons started feasting on the remains.
Ken: Raccoons in the digiworld. Not a good sign...
"Oh! I broke a fingernail!" the slutty pink-haired girl cried.
Izzy: Hey, Mimi's not THAT big a ditz.
She started running around in a circle frantically,
Davis: Like a dog chasing it's tail.
(Izzy gets angry)
Izzy: Mimi is NOT a bitch!
Davis: Woah, take it easy. It's not my fault she chose Joe over you.
(Davis ducks a flying laptop)
but tripped on her own digimon and her head fell directly into a huge, rusty spike.
Ken: Which was conveniently there.
The spike went through her eye and out the back of her head. GodzillaCrackmon looked pleased at her death and leaned his head over and gulped the girl down. "NOOOOO......" the Backstreet Boy wannabe screamed.
Davis: (as Matt) I wanted to eat Mimi!
Kari: Davis!
Davis: (innocently) what? There were no sexual implications in that sentence
The rest of the digimon kids got over the slutty pink-haired girl's death soon
Izzy: We care about Mimi more than that.
Cody: Yeah. We'd have at least a minute of mourning.
and now they were ready to fight GodzillaCrackmon.
Kari: Because we weren't ready before?
"Go giant orange dinosaur thing!"
Ken: when did Agumon digivolve?
Cody:In the "freaky party thing".
the kid with the huge afro said.
Davis: It's "Tai". "Tai". Get it right! Please.
Just then, the giant orange dinosaur ran away from its master
Yolei: What are we, Pokémon trainers?
Izzy: Hey, look at this sarcasm detector I invented.
cuz it saw some food,
Jun: Yes, that makes sense...
(Izzy's Sarcasm Detector explodes)
Izzy: That took ten whole minutes to make!
but along the way, it stepped on a landmine and was blown up in an extremely gory manner.
Ken: Mercifully without an accompanying graphic description.
"NOOOOO......" the kid with the huge afro cried. GodzillaCrackmon was bored of the retarded kid's bothering it, so he decided to leave.
Davis: Doesn't he have to kill more of us?
Yolei: Don't worry, he'll find another way.
GodzillaCrackmon crashed away into the darkness.
Cody: Killing more Baby Digimon.
"We have to go kill the GodzillaCrackmon!" the retarded Sora girl shouted. "No, I don't want to," Davis said. "Awwwww................ok," the retarded Sora girl replied.
Cody: I've heard a conversation like that between people before.
Davis: Really?
Cody: Well, more read in an Anti-Pokémon fic by Mr Bigelsworth than heard...
Davis: That would explain it.
Suddenly, a psycho serial killer with a chainsaw popped up.
Yolei: Which international Digidestined would become a serial killer?
Kari: none of them. Jerry's just a moron.
His chainsaw roared loudly.
All: RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR
"Oh no" Joe said. That tiny stupid kid wet his pants for the 20th time in the last 5 minutes.
Cody: I do NOT wet my pants!
Ken: You should be grateful. He gave you one of his character traits.
"I'll save you!" That giant walrus with a shell on its back and a huge metal hammer in its hand said.
All: ZUDOMON!!!
Then the psycho serial killer sliced the walrus's legs off and blood instantly started spurting out. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" the serial killer laughed as he started to chop up the walrus thingy even more, into neat, yet bloody cubicles.
Davis: is it possible for something to be neat AND bloody at the same time?
When he was done with that, the serial killer made a huge pyramid out of the walrus thingy, just like the ones in Egypt, except more bloody.
Kari: and without the slave labour.
"Oh cool." The Backstreet Boy wannabe said, amazed. Then a bunch of pelicans made a nest on top of the pyramid and had laid eggs and stuff.
Jun: Has anyone here ever seen pelicans in the Digiworld?
All: NO!
Jun: That's what I thought.
The serial killer went on, slicing up more digimon. He killed that stupid green caterpillar thing
Ken: Wormon
and also the yellow, cowboy-talking armadillo.
Cody: Armadillomon.
Then as the serial killer went on to kill another digimon, he accidentally dropped his chainsaw. The chainsaw started spinning out-of-control and chopped the serial killer's head off.
Davis: What kind of moron would bend over after dropping a chainsaw so that it coule chop off his head?
The head flew through the air like a bird
Ken: As if this isn't bad enough already he throws in a stupid simile.
and landed right in the tiny stupid kid's arms.
Davis: Ten bucks says Cody dies of fear.
Ken: I'm not passing it up this time! You're on!
The tiny stupid kid got so scared form the gore and violence that he DIED.
(Ken gives Davis ten dollars)
The rest of the digimon people ran away down the forest trail so they'd be safe from the insane chainsaw.
Kari: How can something without a brain be insane?
Izzy: How would you describe Jerry?
Kari: Insa... right.
Then the purple-haired geek and the computer freak decided to have some unprotected sex.
Cody: Ten bucks says this produces either a male who will be given a female's name or vice-versa.
(no one accepts the bet)
Cody: So you all know this guy's style.
(All nod)
Cody: So I guess it would be useless to bet that it will take under nine months.
(All nod)
Cody: Dammit!
The girl became pregnant and soon after, had the nastiest, most gruesome baby alive.
Yolei: Thanks SOB.
In detail, it had vampire fangs and patches of brown fur growing in odd places.
Davis: Odd places, eh...
(Kari covers his mouth again)
The purple-haired geek died in childbirth, for as the baby was coming out, its long, animal-like claws teared up her insides.
Cody: (as Jerry Springer) I writed English goodly.
The other digimon people left baby and the computer freak by himself and continued walking down the path.
Izzy: so nice to know what a close group we are.
The computer freak decided to name the baby boy, Ira,
Cody: Is that even a name?
after his gay math teacher. After a couple lonely days in the woods, the computer freak got so starved that he ate his own baby and his own digimon(which I have no idea what it is)
Izzy: Tentomon
But the baby was the Child of Satan so the computer freak just burst into black flames and died.
Yolei: Wait, I'm not Satan. Izzy, are you Satan?
Izzy: No. I'm occasionally the Dark Koushirou, but that's all.
Anway, the other digimon kids have walked through the perilous forest and made it to a sandy beach!!!
Davis: Isn't this in the past?
Jun: So?
Davis: So, shouldn't that be in past tense?
"Oooo" the Digimon Emperor said.
Ken: I've changed. I've changed. Stop tormenting me with my past!
The Digimon Emperor grabbed a surfboard and dived
Cody: (as Jerry again) I writed another sentence goodly.
into the water and right into the jaws of a huge shark. The shark and its wife, a giant squid, equally devoured the Digimon Emperor's body in a disgusting frenzy. And at the site of blood, a huge bunch of seagulls landed on the water and started licking up the remains.
Izzy: It would take an entire page to list the things wrong with that paragraph
Computerized Voice: Fourth wall integrity has been compromised. Detecting emerging life forms.
(A/N: Can you tell what's coming next?)
(Terriermon comes through the wall)
(A/N: Is this too obvious?)
Davis: Here comes Willis.
(A/N: Does anyone NOT know what I'm doing here)
Terriermon: Come on, Henry.
(Lee Jenrya AKA Henry Wong from Tamers comes through)
Henry: Where am I?
Davis: Who are you?
ME (Yelling through the broken Fourth wall): Please, stop with the jokes about being in a fanfic. Otherwise you're going to bring Takato and Rika.
All (except Henry and Terriermon): WHO?
"NOOOOO...... not the Digimon Emperor!" the blond-haired gay kid with a helmet said.
Davis: He insulted TU again!
The kid then grabbed a shotgun and shot himself in the mouth, blowing his tiny brains out.
Kari: And killed him!
"NOOOOO...... not the blond-haired gay kid with a helmet!" his brother, the Backstreet Boy wannabe shouted as he grabbed the same shotgun and blew his head off too.
Ken: Anyone else sensing another series of related deaths?
All: Yes
Henry: What's going on?
Davis: We're stuck reading bad fanfiction.
"NOOOOO...... not the Backstreet Boy wannabe!" all the retarded digimon worshippers cried as they took turns and blew their heads off with the shotgun.
Izzy: It's physically impossible for any shotgun to hold that many shells. I don't think a machine gun can hold that many...
Davis: Just the retarded ones.
Izzy: That's different.
"NOOOOO...... not all the retarded digimon worshippers!" the orange bat pig thingy said as he grabbed the shotgun and tried to blow his head off but couldn't, cuz there were no more bullets left
Henry: After firing off 100,000 rounds, I'm not surprised.
.So instead, the bat pig thin dove into the water and drowned himself. Then the shark and the giant squid devoured it as well. "NOOOOO......ok" the white cat thing said.
Kari: Gatomon cares more than that...
"Are we done here, at the shore?" the retarded Sora girl asked the remaining digimon kids.
Henry: Who's left?
Ken: Sora, Davis, Kari, Tai, Joe, Veemon, Gatomon, Gabumon, Biyomon, Palmon, Hawkmon, and the international Digidestined.
Henry: I've read this before. He doesn't know about them. Except Michael, he dies.
"Yep" Joe said. Suddenly, a huge pirate ship appeared on the water and anchored itself on the shores.
Izzy: That sounded so much like Doctor Reliable that... that...
Kari: ...that it didn't?
Izzy: exactly.
"Oooo," that plant digimon thingy said.
All: PALMON!
A bunch of pirates jumped off the ship and noticed the digimon people. "Hi. we are Cock-Piratemons," the digimon said.
Davis: And Jerry's homophobia shines through again.
Cody: And attempts to give Digimon funny names/
Then the Cock-Piratemons went and kidnapped Joe and started to drag him to their pirate ship, but along the way, got run over by a steamroller,
Ken: There goes Joe.
which later got swallowed by a whale, that just happened to flop onto the beach.
Jun: There goes Whamon.
Davis: No, it's just a whale.
"Oh cool, a whale," Davis said.
Davis: I am NOT that stupid! Not even as interpreted by Jeff Nimoy!
Davis went up and petted the gigantic creature. The whale got mad so it lifted its head and in the air and crashed back down onto Davi's body.
Henry: Who's Davi?
Every single bone in Davis's body was broken at least 5 times.
Terriermon: this is just terrible. Terrier Tornado!
(Terriermon crashes into the screen)
TK (over Loudspeaker) Nice try!
The whale then laughed as it jumped back into the water, never to be seen again.
Henry: Whales can't jump, or laugh.
"That was weird," the kid with the huge afro said.
Kari: For the last time, his name is TAI!
Davis: Kari, don't speak in capitals!
Computerized Voice: Fourth wall integrity has been compromised. Detecting emerging life forms.
All (except Henry and Terriermon): Not again!
(Guilmon and Takato crash into the room)
Takato: Hey, Henry, where are we?
Guilmon: Takatomon, what just happened?
Henry: You wouldn't believe me if I told you!
Terriermon: We're stuck here reading really bad stories and insulting them.
Izzy: And periodically demolishing the Fourth Wall.
Davis: What's with the Takatomon thing? Are you part Digimon?
Takato: It's a long story. When I first created him...
Davis: Only the Emperor can do something like that! Get him!
ME: GET BACK TO THE STORY!
All: Yes sir.
The kid went up to inspect Davis's fallen body, but little did he know, something was watching he ever move.
Cody: That doesn't seem right.
(Guilmon attacks the screen)
Henry: Don't bother, I've already tried that.
Takato: Did you remember this?
(Takato pulls out his D-Power and takes out a card)
Henry: No.
(Digi-Modify sequence begins. Takato swipes a card through his D-Power and says "Digi-Modify! Wargreymon's Terra Force Activate!")
(Guilmon tries the attack but it fails.)
Takato: Could you guys tear a small hole in the...
Davis: Izzy, give me that laptop.
(Davis types part of the story into the laptop)
(A crack appears in the Fourth Wall and a sleeping Calamon falls through)
Takato: Digi-Modify! Digivolution Activate.
Computerized Voice (different from the one that announces Fourth Wall breaches): Digivolution.
(Digivolution sequence from Tamers starts)
TK: QUIT FOOLING AROUND! OMNIMON COULDN'T BREAK OUT OF THIS PLACE!
(Tamers digivolution sequence ends)
Just then, a huge man-eating wolf ran out of the shadows and grabbed the afro boy right in the ass with its needle-like teeth.
Jun: Right in the ass!
Davis: (starts humming porno music)
Kari: (shoots Davis an evil glare)
The kid screamed in agony, like there was no tomorrow.
Takato: Well for him there WAS no tomorrow.
The wolf growled and dragged afro boy back way into the darkness where its little man-eating puppys teared the kid apart.
Davis: This guy's as stupid as the host of that Jeopardy show.
Henry: Alec Trebec?
Davis: No, Ash Ketchum in another great fic by Pistoffveemon.
Computerized Voice: Fourth wall integrity has been compromised. Detecting emerging life forms.
All: (glare at Davis)
(Rika and Renemon come through the fourth wall)
Rika: What idiocy have you boys pulled me into today? We really need to get back to fighting the Devas.
A day later, the other digimon kids found afro boy's body and everything was eaten except for his head and huge hair.
Rika: If he's talking about Tai then that hair would kill anything that ate it.
Kari: He is.
Later, they discovered a family of sparrows and squirrels had made a nest in his nasty hair.
Takato: Sparrows and squirrels in the Digiworld?
Jun: If you had seen everything else he's done there that would seem insignificant.
"No, my lover has been eaten," the retarded Sora girl said.
Takato: See Henry, even idiots support Taiora.
Henry: I think that's "only idiots"
Izzy: And now we see the Digidestined rivalry of that generation.
"HA HA," the goodie-goodie lesbian laughed.
Rika: Should I even ask?
Kari: It's me as seen by Jerry Springer.
Next, the digimon people decided to go to one of those weird diigmon villages.
Jun: I have to agree. Those are weird.
They went to the one with those pink turnip thingys with weird eyes
All: YOKOMON!
and also the village where that fire digimon who looks like a man
All: Meramon.
and had a black gear thing stuck in his ass
Izzy: I believe it was in his BACK.
was bothering the turnips. "Oh no, the fire man is bothering my turnip thingys,"
Jun: The "thingys" which were inexplicably missing through most of this fic are back with a vengeance.
Davis: overtaking their rivals, the "Things" at the last second.
the pink bird thingy
All: Biyomon!
said. "We must save the turnip thingys!" all the stupid digimons
Davis: The plural of Digimon is Digimon.
Takato: Except in the first fifteen episodes. Then it was "Digimons"
Rika: I never thought your fanboy knowledge would come in handy.
screamed. Just then, the fire man grabbed and ate one of those turnip thingys. "NOOOOO......ok." the pink bird thingy screamed.
Henry: I would think Biyomon would care more about her In Training stage.
Next, the fire man blew a giant fireball right onto that hawk thing with a belt on its forehead, the green plant digimon thingy and the blue goat or wolf digimon with four arms.
Izzy: The only one of our Digimon with four arms is Megakabuterimon. And he definitely isn't a "wolf or goat".
They were all turned into ashes.
Takato: (to Davis) If you break the fourth wall one more time you'll bring in a nuisance.
Davis: (quickly) DigidestinedJeopardybyPistoffveemonreadit!
Voice: Fourth wall violation. Detecting bioemergence.
Yolei: That's an interesting phrase. I'm going to have to remember that one.
(Impmon appears)
Impmon: Woah, woah, woah. Have I been missing some kind of party between humans and digipets? And how did I get here?
Takato: (to Davis) See what you've done?
Davis: It doesn't matter how you got here. What matters is that you're stuck here, so insult this dipshit's fic.
Impmon: Oh, it's an MST is it? Well in that case...
"Go blue dinosaur thingy with red eyes!
All (except Impmon): Veemon!
Impmon: And you all know everything about Digimon. HOW? Granted, I can identify the Digimon if I want to...
All: Then shut up and go along with us!
DIGI-ASSHOLE-ENERGIZE!" Davis screamed.
Impmon: I know everything about any Digimon in existence, but I don't know what that is.
Takato: I think it's supposed to be "Digi Armour Energize"
Impmon: The "ancient form of Digivolving". Of course.
The blue digimon turned into AssDinosaurmon
Davis: Is that supposed to be Flamedramon or Raidramon?
Kari: Only one of them looks like a dinosaur. Figure it out.
or whatever the hell its called. Then AssDinoaurmon jumped onto the fire man's back, trying to strangle it, but instead, the retarded dinosaur got all his skin burned off cuz the digimon man was made of fire.
Cody: even though Flamedramon has the powers of fire?
Kari: They don't call it a "Bad fanfic" for no reason.
The dinosaur died soon after, from too many burns, although no one really gave a damn at his death.
Davis: Once again, he has the power of fire. He wouldn't die from burns!
Meanwhile, the pink bird thingy saved all those pink turnip thingys by hiding them in in a cave.
Rika: Finally, someone's done something intelligent!
Jun: I somehow doubt that...
Then the pink bird thingy ATE them all itself.
Izzy: I highly doubt Biyomon would eat her in-training form.
Jun: Told you!
The pink bird thingy became so fat, that it couldn't fit out the entrance of the cave, so it just stayed in the cave until it starved to death.
Henry: The second she lost weight she should have been able to squeeze out.
Impmon: Dis guy's a moron in desperate need of a... Funnel Flame!
(a ring of fire appears on the ground. A fireball than rises out of it and shoots towards the screen)
Takato: As annoying as you are, that's a pretty cool attack. That still doesn't mean you shouldn't go with your tamer though...
Impmon: (to Renemon) I said that if you told anyone about that I'd Badaboom you back to the Stone Age, Fox Face.
Renemon: The second that attack does any damage I'll start to care.
Davis: Will you let us back into the jokes?
Rika: You're old news now. Tamers are taking over.
ME: (from behind the fourth wall) It's Déjà vu all over again!
All: Shut up
ME: (as Wormon) Yes sirs. And Kari.
(Rika, Yolei and Jun look very annoyed)
ME: don't tell me what to do. I'm the one who's really in charge of what happens next. For example, I could write "All of the original and 02 Digidestined are sent home" and...
(I look around and they're gone)
ME: Whoops. (writing) the original Digidestined all come back.
(Matt's dad, Cody's father, Oikawa, and some unidentified people appear)
ME: Dammit! Let's see if I can get it right this time.
(I erase the previous message and write "Everyone who was here at the start comes back". Everyone reappears)
ME: I'm glad that's over.
Suddenly, the fire dude grabbed the goodie-goodie lesbian's whistle thing that she carries all the damn time.
Kari: Except that I gave it to Gatomon at the end of our first adventure and she lost it between the first and second adventure. Now I'd never go anywhere without my Digital Camera. Where is that thing anyways... Ooh... a Gatomon card. I'll just make it into a necklace and wear it all the time. Until I lose it.
ME: I'll only forgive that lame attempt at a joke because you chose Davis over TK.
Kari: Thanks.
ME: To turn Takari fans' catchphrase against them... Daikari 4 evah!
The fire man then whistled in her ear for so long and so loud, that the girl went deaf.
Izzy: Statistics have proven that prolonged exposure to loud noises can cause someone to go deaf.
Takato: In English?
Izzy: Jerry got something right!
Impmon: Excuse me, I need to call home. See if they've gotten that cold front yet...
After that, the fire digimon person went crazy cuz that black gear thingy was still stuck in his ass.
Ken: Having foreign items forcibly shoved in your ass can lead to trauma, insanity...
Davis: And becoming the Digimon Emperor without the benefit of a dark spore.
Jun: (quickly) mybrother'sremarksdonotinanywayrepresentanyhatredtowardsthehomosexualcomuni tyofwhichheisapart
Davis: That's right
(Jun snickers)
Davis: Except for the part about me being gay.
Jun: So close...
He FLUNG himself off a cliff and splattered all over at the bottom, with flaming body parts scattered all over.
Cody: Emphasis on the "flung"
Anyway, ONCE AGAIN, the digimon kids decided to go on a walk in the woods.
Henry: So he realizes he's being repetitive.
All of a sudden, that lion digimon who has a man's body
Izzy: That would be Leomon
popped out of a bush and started stalking the goodie-goodie lesbian from behind.
Davis: (singing) You say you like that, when I hit it form behind and I'll be right back, yeah that's my very next line...
Ken: A nice demonstration of why we don't do many song riffs.
The retarded Sora girl and Davis saw this and were yelling at the goodie-goodie lesbian to run away, but ALAS!, she was deaf
Rika: Continuity? In this fic?
Impmon: I really need to make that call...
and couldn't understand until....::CRUNCH::
Davis: Who ordered the Extra Crispy?
With one graceful swipe of the lion digimon's powerful claws, he decapitated the girl.
Izzy: How graceful can a death-swipe be?
Guilmon: It's best not to think about that.
Terriermon: yeah, momentai.
Her head fell to the ground and rolled around a bit.
The retarded Sora girl and Davis
Davis: At least make it "that stupid Davis kid". Sora can get out of hers by saying she isn't retarded, but I have no way out.
were so scared, they ran away like maniacs
Izzy: (with a dictionary) Maniac: see Jerry Springer.
Cody: Do you think we're being too hard on him?
(all pause for a few seconds)
All: Nah!
far, FAR away, to the other side of the digimon land. When they were too tired to run anymore, they too, decided to have sex, but it took them a while, because they weren't able to find Davis's microscopical dick.
Rika: So that's where he put all the commas that weren't where they belong...
Davis: Okay, if he's going to insult me he can at least use real words!
They found it after a few hours of searching and then they had sex.
Davis: This scene could be described in detail next time.
(all shudder)
When they were done, the retarded Sora girl grabbed a gun. "That was the worst sex I've ever had!"
Yolei: Where'd that voice come from?
Henry: Moronland.
then she shot Davis in the microscopical nuts a few times and also in the neck, just to make sure he'd die.
Ken: After all, you have a very good chance of missing a "microscopical" target...
Then the retarded Sora girl walked away and listened to Davis's moans of pain slowly fade away in the wind...
Davis (singing) I don't want to fade away, walk that country mile. I don't want to fade away, I plan to go out in style.
(A/N: If I got the lyrics wrong, I apologize)
The retarded Sora girl was all alone now.
Jun: So very alone...
She was really lonely and had nothing better to waste the last bullet she had in the gun so she just popped the gun in her mouth and shot herself.
Davis: Was anyone spared?
Kari: He seems to think that he killed Gatomon in the shotgun saga, but she didn't care enough about Patamon to kill herself.
Jun: Jerry's getting sloppy...
No one found the kid's bodies. The wild digimon things probably ate them all.
Davis: The ones that weren't burned to ashes or eaten already at least...
Oh yea, and before the end, that blond-haired kid who lives in America, no, not the one with the helmet,
Yolei: So he knows about Michael but he ignores him entirely?
Davis: Apparently...
the one who has those two twin digimon rabbit thingys
Terriermon: Why do people not get that my kind are NOT rabbits? BUNNY BLAST!
(fires what will from this point on be referred to as "Blazing Ice")
Henry: That could have something to do with it. Quickly, who was in charge of dubbing the movie where that attack was first seen?
Davis: Who else?
Kari: Yet another reason that Jeff Nimoy must be hunted down and slaughtered graphically.
Terriermon: Could I Matrix Digivolve and shoot a Miracle Missile up his ass?
Renemon: Only if I don't get to him first.
and one of the rabbits was possessed by Satan ...well he dies too.
All: Big surprise!
The rabid bunny digimon eat him alive VERY SLOWLY.
Impmon: Well, may I do the honour of burning that fic?
Guilmon: No. It's my job.
Rika: It's not over yet. We still need to mock his closing comments.
the end
All: Thank god!
please review
Impmon: We prefer to MST.
(Calamon recovers from the initial shock of ending up in another world)
Calamon: Hi. Do you want to play?
I hate digimon so HA. And you people should be happy.
Davis: We're happy that Pistoffveemon promised to take us out the second this one ended.
I am expressing my opinion to this gruesome show in a most constructive manner.
Kari: More like opinions of this constructive show in a most gruesome manner.
All: It's OVER!!!
(TK comes down)
TK: So how bad was it?
Calamon: I don't know, I was asleep the whole time.
TK: Who are you people?
Tamers: We're the Digimon Tamers!
TK: You have instantly become worthy of being kept here.
All: NO!!!
Davis: Welcome to the group.
TK: (turning to Impmon) You seem like a powerful digimon. How would you like to be my partner?
Impmon: Great. And after that could you give me a leash, a name, and shove white-hot coals up my ass?
TK: Point taken. You don't like humans. You're just data scum.
Takato: This is seeming disturbingly familiar...
TK: I suppose I should tell you what you're up against next. It's a real stinker called "Cody Declare his love towards Izz"
Ken: Three errors in the title alone. Not a good sign.
TK; Well, go to your sleeping quarters. Tomorrow's a brand new day with poorly written Yaoi lemons.
Davis (to Kari): If you love me, you'll smother me in my sleep.
TK: Well, go!
(everyone leaves)
Stinger: When they were too tired to run anymore, they too, decided to have sex, but it took them a while, because they weren't able to find Davis's microscopical dick.