Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ For They Shall Be Filled ❯ To Reason Why: The Sand ( Chapter 6 )

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For They Shall Be Filled

The future is only a reaction to the past.

By: Vain (Vainglorious696) 5/31/2001-1/26/2002

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I do not own Digimon, Ichijouji Ken, the Digidestined, or the Digital World, nor am I making any money off of this. Kazunori, Sanghee, the Golden Triangle, the Revelationas Arch, all its OC's and original concepts all belong to me.

Please DO NOT use or "borrow" them without my written permission.

Special Thanks goes to Herongale and the Guardian for betaing and thank you's are extended to everyone who reviewed on FF.net, especially Athena, ShinniJekka, KA, Pan-chan, Crew of the Clow, Mink, and Soulfull Ishida.

Because of the FF.net situation, this story will be posted here gradually. The entire fic and its sequel can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=91738

Thank you and please read and review.

~ Vain

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~For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?

Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

-Matthew 16: 26

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Chapter Six

To Reason Why: The Sand

Leafmon gently bounced up and down on Ken's back in the darkness, listening as his partner's frantic gasps for air slowed down. The little green digimon hopped off Ken and bounced his way to the head of the bed to softly nuzzle Ken's chin.

"Ken?"

The boy shuddered violently, but remained silent. The baby digimon sighed.

This was the ninth time that Ken had woken up screaming tonight, and, while three, sometimes even four, such incidents were not unusual for the former Supreme Ruler of the Digital World, Leafmon was really beginning to fear for his partner. Next to him, Ken's body shuddered again and the baby digimon resumed his nudging, almost expecting to be smacked off the elevated bed and across the boy genius's orderly room. That was what the Digimon Emperor would have done. Provided that he had even let his partner this close to him as he slept in the first place.

Leafmon sighed again. Poor Ken.

"Ken?" he called timidly.

This time Ken looked up; his were eyes sunken hollows bored into his pasty, sweat-streaked face. His hair clung to his skull as he stared into the blue eyes of his digimon. Leafmon suppressed a gasp of horror at Ken's appearance; the boy looked terrible.

Seeing the expression in his partner's eyes, Ken lay down again and curled up into a fetal position, burrowed deep within the covers, yet shivering uncontrollably. The two were silent for a moment.

"Why?" he whispered, voice barely audible.

"What?" The little digimon hopped closer to Ken, listening to the ragged breathing. Ken, he realized, was crying.

"Why what?" he asked, uncertain how to help his friend.

The human's voice was thin and tortured. "Why? Why did you stay? Why did you return? Everyone else always leaves me. Everyone. Can't you see I'm a monster, Leafmon? I destroy everything. Everything I touch, everyone I love, I destroy . . . I caused . . . I reveled in it all! I loved it-- all of it . . ." The young man trailed off, words swallowed by tears and thoughts drowned in sorrow. "Why?" he whispered at last.

Leafmon frowned, eyes shining worriedly. Ken was sliding into these depressions more and more often. The darkness in his soul plagued him more and more often. And it frightened Leafmon. It frightened him because he didn't know what to do or how to stop it. It frightened him because Ken would not--could not--confide his terrible pains to another; such a thing simply went against his nature. And it frightened him because he was terrified beyond anything else of losing Ken to the darkness again. He didn't think his heart could survive another Digimon Emperor; and he knew that Ken's could not.

Ken abruptly sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, resting his head upon them. He did not speak.

Finally, the little digimon could stand the silence no longer. "Ken?" he said, doing his 'hold-me-bounce.'

Ken took the hint and lifted the little green fuzz ball gently, almost as though he would break. Leafmon looked deeply into his partner's eyes, unhidden by the "Camera Face" and washed clear by unfulfilling tears. He looked past Ken the genius and saw Ken the little boy. A terribly frightened and lonely little boy who was lost in the bad world without anyone to protect him. His protectors had left him to the harsh realities of life and those realities had been more than his gentle soul could accept.

Leafmon felt a strong warm suffuse him even as a sharp, causeless pain filled his eyes with tears. What could he say to this boy who knew so much and so little? Who had stared right into the abyss and, not only felt the abyss stare back at him, but had also felt the abyss become him?

The soft creature pressed himself against the boy's chest and felt the other's human heart beating within his ribcage like the final throes of a dying bird. Humans have such fragile hearts, he thought sadly. Tears slid down Leafmon's cheeks and vanished into the hot material of Ken's nightshirt.

"I love you, Ken. You're my best friend. Without you, I am alone. I don't want to be alone anymore Ken. It's hard . . . Alone."

Ken cradled his digimon to him like the precious gift he was. His sharp mind locked onto Leafmon's last words: It's hard . . . Alone.

Someone else had said that to him. Who was it? Ishi . . . Ishida. Matt.

It's hard alone.

But it's worse with another, the youngest Ichijouji thought bleakly. It's so much worse.

The light from the streetlights outside was resting on something reflective on his desk, illuminating it through a small crack in the curtains. It was a photograph. Against his will, Ken's eyes flitted over to and rested upon that photograph. It sat right next to his computer where he would always see it-- and always remember . . .

Sam . . .

Yes, it was hard alone, but it was worse with another. When you were alone, at least, there was no one to hate but yourself, no one to hurt but yourself.

The boy shifted and then frowned. There was something in his bed. He looked down to his side and freed a hand, brushing at the mattress in the dark. It felt like . . . Wet sand?

Sleep did not return to Ken Ichijouji that night.

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