Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Happiness is in the heart of the Beholder ❯ Contemplation: Part 1 ( Chapter 1 )

HAPPNIESS IS IN THE HEART OF THE BEHOLDER

I looked out my window, contemplating on how happy I'd be when the school day would be over. I looked to my teacher who was passed out on her desk. Comatose. I think she was drinking the night before. She smells like urine and sake.

Her stench is almost unbearable. I looked behind me and saw some students conversing about something while I saw a very good friend of mines, with another very good friend of mine/ girlfriend.

IT was Matt Ishida and Sora Takenouchi. I can't say I hate seeing them together. I like seeing Matt happy. Sora, on the other hand. I think could care less. She a friend and all but, we've drifted apart, and I don't think she wanted to patch up our friendship. I did. Being friends is better than being noting at all, right?

The problem is that, I love Matt. Unconditionally. When I started to think about it. I was doubting and denying it madly. I always thought that men are supposed to fall in love with women, vice versa. I thought that something was really wrong with me at first, but…there isn't.

It kills me to see them together sometimes. They're always so lovey-dovey.

(sigh)

I've already let myself think there's no hope whatsoever. None. At all. I think they'll grow old and have kids together. That's nice. I don't wish bad fortune or future on people most of the time.

Even as the cost of my own happiness, I'd rather see him happy. That's how much I love him.

Augumon hears me mutter his name in my sleep. And that fact that I've had to change my bed sheets more often. Matt is so…Matt. It's hard to describe him, yes, but…

"MR.KAMIYA! ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION!?" My teacher screeched.

What's to pay attention to if you're passed out on your desk.

"Yes Miss.Maki." You slut. She sleeps with students, not to mention the faculty and staff members.

I think she snagged some girls around here too. Yuck.

(sigh) I wish I could tell him. But then, that'd ruin everything. Like I said, being friends is better than being nothing at all…

I want to take a plunge into his thoughts sometimes. Just to see what he REALLY thinks of me and of Sora… I bet if I hear or see what I didn't want to, I'd be crushed. But seeing into his subconscious, I'd ready myself for anything.

(sigh)

"NOW! All of you pay attention to me -hic- I need you all to…" She passed out, on the floor. She'd get up when we were all gone. I just don't care really, this happens all the time. I think she's still working in this school because of her `thing' with the principal.

I walked out of the school. "I think the smell of urine and sake is on my clothes."

"So do the rest of us," I heard an all too familiar voice say. "Oh, hey Matt."

He looked at me funnily. "You down today?" "hmmm…" I mumbled. "yeah, I guess so."

He made an undeniably cute expression on his face. He does that when he's frustrated, or angry.

I chuckled. "What's so funny?" "Nothing Matt."

I love him so much.

Okay, I take it back. The sight of them together is painful. Very painful. I nearly hate it.

Forty… That has to be it…forty. I stopped caring about this math problem a good while ago, so, I think this one can slip. I don't care if I get it wrong.

I actually think I got most of these wrong anyway. My brain is all focused on Matt. Then, the thought of him and Sora pops in my head, then my stomach lurches, and then I almost break down in tears. It's something terrible that I go through very often.

It's so painful. It used to be all mental and emotional, but now it's affecting my habits and the rest of my life.

I can't eat much. The thing I eat most is ice. It cools me down and soothes my throat.

I'm having trouble in school. I was a pretty average student in school, but my grades are dropping.

My social life is fucked up. Totally.