Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Happiness is in the heart of the Beholder ❯ Contemplation: PArt 2 ( Chapter 2 )
Contemplating: Part II
I cant shake the feeling that something just isn't right…or something's just…out of place or something like that. Tai is way too cool to be so down and so down so much. He's so gloomy all of a sudden. Actually, he's been this gloomy ever since…
"Matt?"
I turned to Sora.
"What's wrong Matt?" "Um…oh, nothing."
She sat at the dining room table doing some last minute homework we were given. "You're not telling me the truth Matt. I know THAT face. You're contemplating on something."
I nodded. She got up and walked over to where I was sitting, and sat down next to me.
Lately, Sora has seemed more beautiful than I had ever seen her before, I think I love her. A lot.
"So, what are you thinking about?" She asked cutely. I laughed. "You're so cute." "I know." "But, I'm thinking about Tai. Do you know what's been up with him lately?"
She blinked. Then suddenly, she seemed much more distant and cold. So suddenly, it made me shiver. "I don't know…but…Matt?" "Yeah?" "I've been thinking something is wrong with him too…but, I don't think it's something either of us should get involved in."
"What do you mean?"
Sora can be a bit, boyish sometimes. But she's…it's hard to explain.
"I mean what I said and I said what I meant." She paused. "An Elephant faithful, 100%." She added and winked. I smiled.
That entire, `I don't think we should get involved' comment was totally blown aside…and it bothered me. I looked over at my cell phone and picked it up…
My gut hurts so badly. "Why is that damn boy stuck in my head?!" I fisted my hair and groaned. "This is terrible. I can't get a good night's sleep without this shit." I muttered.
I sat on my bed in my pajamas cursing myself for these terrible feelings.
I love him, and I cant have him. It's not going to get any simpler.
Life is unfair. But hell, it's life. There's not a damn thing I can do about it except endure it and hope I don't crack under pressure.
BRRRIIINNNGGG…
Damn phone…
BRRIIINNNGGG- -
"Hello?"
"Hey, Tai. It's Matt."
When he used to call me when I was younger, my breath used to get caught in my throat and I wouldn't be able to speak. Not well at least.
Sometimes that happens now. And I'm 14.
"Oh, hi Matt. I was just thinking…never mind."
I was just thinking about how beautiful you are.
"Oh. Well, how is everything going Tai? How's your Mom? Your sister? Augumon?"
"They're all doing well."
I looked at my clock, which read 9:32 PM.
"Matt, I know you didn't call me this late to ask me `what's up'. Why'd you call me?"
He laughed. "I called you to see what's up! I wanted to see how you were doing that's all. Truth is, you've been kinda down and gloomy lately."
"I know."
"Well, what's wrong?"
"I - -mmm…nothing's wrong Matt. You don't have to worry."
I'm lucky to have a friend like him. It's better than absolutely nothing.
Yeah, it is.
"Hmm…Tai Kamiya, I WILL find out what's wrong with you." He paused. "You're not a good liar y'know…Oh yeah, Sora says hello Tai."
I froze. It's late and he's at her place, or she at his? I don't know. But it's really not my business. "OH, tell her I said Hello."
Matt grumbled something about my lack of enthusiasm.
I laughed. I hadn't done that in a while. "Okay Matt. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Bye Tai."
"Bye."
He hung up.
I hung up.
I plopped back down on my bed and whispered…
And let the shadows take me…
Away from tomorrow…
And plunge me in to darkness…
Where I am numb, and cannot feel pain nor sorrow…
It's an excerpt from a book I remember reading…it was an extremely sad one at that.
"Dammit." I cursed. What the hell is wrong with him? Why has he been so…un-Tai like?
I don't understand it. Only girls go through this when it's `that time of the month'.
"Matt?" Sora said. I turned to her. "Oh, What is it?"
"What's wrong with you?" I paused and looked at the ground. "Nothing is wrong with me," I paused again. "There's something wrong with Tai, and it's killing me…"
It's killing me…
It's killing me…
Most kids who go through pressure like this, end up committing suicide. They think death would be better than watching their object of affection with someone else.
At times…ending it all does seem very comforting.
But I wont do it…I'll try my best at least…try not to crack under pressure.
Keeping all this in will make me crack though. I've never told anyone about this. Digimon or human.
If I did tell someone, they would probably say something like, face the fact, you cannot have him and you wont. He's taken already.
………………………& #8230;………………………… ;…………………………R 30;……………………..
I need to stop moping around…
BEING FRIENDS IS BETTER THAN BEING NOTHING AT ALL
BEING FRIENDS IS BETTER THAN BEING NOTHING AT ALL
BEING FRIENDS IS BETTER THAN BEING NOTHING AT ALL
I need to keep telling myself that.
I need to keep telling myself that.
But is what I'm saying what I really feel?
No.
That's why I'm still sad. I've been telling myself that for a VERY long time and it's not helping at all…
I buried my head in my pillow and tried to hold back tears.
There's no use in doing it now…it's late and no one will see me cry anyway…
I let it all out…
I can't keep it in…
My heart sank. Suddenly. It surprised me more so, but…it made me want to cry.
I grabbed my shirt and inhaled deeply.
I saw Sora look at me from the corner of my eye. I think she was getting ready to leave.
"Matt!" She ran over to me. She was really overprotective of me.
"Matt! What's wrong?"
I chuckled. "Nothing is S-Sora. I'm fine. I'm just a little short of breath." I exhaled.
"Are you sure Matt?"
"Yeah."
She frowned. She got up and walked to the kitchen then came back with a glass of water.
"Here, drink."
I took the glass of water and watched her get up and put on her shoes.
"I'll call you later. When I get home,okay Matt?"
"okay. But I don't recommend it. I don't think I'll be answering my cell. I need to see Tai. I'm worrying too much about him and it's bothering me."
She shrugged her shoulders and then smiled. I was so disgusted by her actions.
"SORA! Something is REALLY wrong with Tai and you don't seem to have the slightest bit of concern for him!"
She opened her eyes widely and frowned. "MATT! NEED I SAY IT? I DON'T THINK I CARE! WE WERE FRIENDS AND NOW WE'RE NOT! IT'S THAT SIMPLE!"
I just glared at her.
"That's disgusting."
She just frowned even worse and then stormed out of the door.
Her actions WE'RE disgusting, whether they were friends or not. I didn't care. Something is wrong with him and I -will- find out what it is and eliminate the problem.
I walked out the door on my way to the Kamiya residence. Then my cell rang.
KNOCK KNOCK
"TAI!"
I woke up groggily. My face was wet and my head hurt.
"TAI! IT'S MIMI! PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!"
I got up, and slowly walked to the door.
I looked at the microwave clock which read 10:00 PM exactly.
I opened the door and saw an extremely concerned Mimi looking at me sadly.
"Mimi, what's wrong?"
"I was just about to ask you the same question Tai. ALL of us know something is wrong with you. Please, can I come in?"
"Oh, sure." I steped out of the way and let her walk in.
She sat on the living room couch and told me to sit down.
"Tai, please tell me what's wrong. I just called Matt. He'll be over here soon."
Mimi was a really good friend. It's nice having her around.
I'm going to tell her.
"Mimi, please don't freak out."
She smiled softly. "Believe me, you cant tell me anything that wont surprise me."
"Yes I can." I said softly. "I have a crush on Matt. I actually think I love him."
She took off her coat and then nodded.
"Uh-huh. Thought so. I know you have a crush on Matt."
I stared at her. Wide eyed. "How did you know!?! I HAVENT TOLD ANYONE!"
"Hmm…Shhh Tai. It doesn't take a lot to know you like him. Not for me at least. I know you gaze at him in class. I don't blame you though. He is cute and all, but not my type."
My face got really really really warm just then.
"So, you don't hate me?"
"HATE YOU!? Why would I hate you?! You're one of the best friends on the planet Tai!"
She flipped her pink hair and then smiled.
Her smile made me smile.
"I'll help you through it okay?"
"But…What about Sora?" She frowned. "It doesn't need to be said, but, she's changed. And not for the better. I don't enjoy her company anymore. Not like I used to."
"Neither do I. What happened? What did I do to her that was so wrong?"
She put her hand on my shoulder. "You didn't do anything Tai. I think it's all on her. I know you didn't change."
I smiled. "c'mon. I KNOW you can smile much better than that!"
I grinned, widely. A toothy grin.
"THAT GREAT!" She smiled.
BUMP BUMP BUMP
Mimi got up and answered the door. "Oh! MATT! WE WERE EXPECTING YOU!"
"Oh, hey Mimi. Why are you talking so loudly?"
"NO REASON!"
"ER…okay."
He walked by Mimi and went straight to me. "TAI! Are you alright? What's happening? You're making me worry a lot!"
I blushed. Mimi was making weird gestures behind him.
She mouthed, `TELL HIM! TELL HIM! YOU WANT TO!'
I looked around my living room.
There was a television in front of me and Matt sitting on the couch…A table next to the couch… All that junk.
I inhaled deeply, then exhaled.
I heard a door close. Mimi had stepped out the door.
I inhaled the exhaled again softly.
The room was totally silent. I stood up and hung my head down low.
Please don't hate me…
"I love you."
The room stayed silent. Matt laughed. "Man, I love you too!" He got up and hugged me like a friend would.
I didn't mean it like that…
No…
I didn't mean it like that!
I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!
I pushed him off of me onto the couch. I looked at him. He looked surprised.
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! I HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY MISERABLE BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT! I HONESTLY CANT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I'VE EATEN A GOOD MEAL OR HAD A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP! IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TO DEATH! DON'T YOU GET IT MATT?! I LOVE YOU!"
I was in tears by now. He was totally flabbergasted.
What? He loves me? Tai's gay?
There are so many thoughts flooding into my head that I can't even take.
He loves me. He loves me.
Is that good? I don't really know.
I don't love him though.
I frowned at him and he stepped back a little.
I stood up.
"TAI! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO THAT? I CANT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS? DO YOU HAVE ANY SHAME WHATSOEVER? I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHICH MEANS I AM NOT GAY!"
I fisted my hair and almost pulled some of it out.
"I HATE YOU! DON'T COME NEAR ME ANYMORE!"
I punched him in the face and he fell back. His head had hit the TV screen. I didn't even see him hit the ground before I walked out.
I got to the door and Mimi burst in, wide eyed.
She stared at me. Then gave me the most hateful look I've ever seen from her.
She brushed past me and tended to Tai.
I didn't care about him anymore. Let her deal with him.
I was crying hard. "TAI! WAKE UP! PLEASE!"
Tai's head had obviously hit the TV screen.
The screen had cracked and his cheek was bruised.
I pulled him into my arms and cradled his head, I suddenly felt an extremely cold liquid on my arms. It was blood.
I screamed. It was all over my clothes and on the carpet and some shard of the TV screen.
"TAI! TAI!"
I got up and grabbed my cell phone and dialed 911.
911 Emergency how may I help you?
"PLEASE! HURRY MY FRIEND IS UNCONSCIOUS! HE HAS A CONCUSSION! HE IS BLEEDING SO MUCH! I HELD HIS HEAD IN MY ARMS AND THEN THERE WAS BLOOD ALL OVER MY CLOTHES! PLEASE! COME QUICKLY!" I sobbed.
Please Ma'am calm down.
"DON'T TELL ME TO FUCKING CALM DOWN! JUST GET HERE NOW!"
The woman said something about my call being traced, and that she already knew where I was. "We'll be there as soon as we can Ma'am."
"THANK YOU!" I dropped my cell phone and went to tend to Tai.
I tore through his medicine cabinet praying I'd find something to sustain him until the Paramedics got here.
"OH GOD! PLEASE! THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING HERE!" I dropped something on my foot and then kneeled down to pick it up. They were medicated gauzes.
I look down in the cabinet under the sink and found some wash clothes.
I wet them and then went to tend to Tai.
I was silently praying that he would be all right.
I tried to clean his wound, but it was hard to keep his hair out of the way. "Please…Please…Please…" I kept saying. "God Please… Please…Please let him be okay."
I leaned on the side of Tai's apartment building. I'd been here ever since I hit him.
"Dammit…why is this so confusing? I'm going through too much."
Then I realized something… I'm not the victim in this situation.
Just then, an Ambulance tore down the road. The screeched to a stop and then four men, two of which were holding a stretcher, ran up to Tai's building.
My heart's pace picked up more than a little. "Tai…"
I remember, I hit him pretty hard. I ran behind them, praying it wasn't Tai who they were in there for.
The Paramedic came up the stairs and burst in through the door holding a first aid kit and some other things. They lifted Tai's body on the stretcher and then lugged him downstairs.
I ran down with them.
I was wondering why they had to take him to a hospital really.
Just then, I saw Matt running up the stairs while The Paramedics and Tai were going down them. Matt moved out the way and I ran down after the Paramedics.
I'll deal with Matt later.
"Ms. Tachikawa? I need you to sign your name here." The nurse handed me a clipboard with some forms on them.
"Just sign right here," She pointed to one space. "Right here." She pointed to another space. "And right here."
After that was done, she gave me a badge that had the Hospital's emblem on it.
"Just wait right here and I'll get you a wristband Mis Tachikawa."
"Okay." I said softly.
A cold gust blew past me. The automatic doors had opened and Joe walked through the door, as well as Izzy.
I had called them earlier.
They looked so worried. I went up and hugged them both.
"So yeah, that's really what happened."
The nurse I was talking to came back with three wristbands.
How in the world did she know how many we'd need?
"How in the world did you know how many we'd need?"
"Instinct. I've been working in this hospital for about 10 years."
Izzy and Joe put one on and I know who the other one would be for…
Just then, another gust blew past and made me shiver.
IT was Matt.
He looked pale and stressed. He looked up at everyone and sheepishly said, "Hey guys."
No one gave him any acknowledgment.
I was infuriated with him. I stormed over to him and gave him a right hook to the face. A good hook too.
HE hit the ground and rubbed his cheek.
"DAMMIT MIMI!" He said as he got up. "I'm going through too much…" I hit him again in the face.
"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! I CANT BELIEVE YOU! HE POURS HIS HEART OUT TO YOU AND THAT'S HOW YOU REPAY HIM YOU COLD HEARTED BASTARD!"
I threw the wristband at him.
She walked toward Joe and Izzy who stared at her in amazement, then at me in shame, and utter loathing. The glares made my chest hurt.
I put on the wristband and then walked up to the counter to ask the nurse something.
"Excuse me,"
"Yes young man?"
"Um, That patient who was just brought in here, Tai Kamiya, what was wrong with him?"
"Okay lemme check…."
She typed at her computer for a second and then stopped. "Oh…he came in with a slightly severe concussion to the back of his head. There were some shards of very very thick glass in his scalp, which was causing his excessive bleeding. The girl who just knocked the shit out of you has his blood all over her."
I was so close to crying. And Just then the one thing he had been wanting to tell me so long was something I now wanted to tell him.
Tai was groaning while in a mild state of unconsciousness. I hate seeing him like this. OR anyone for that matter.
"Maa…Matt.." He muttered.
"Hmm…"I heard Izzy say. He obviously had been so worried that he left his laptop. He was VERY worried then.
"He's still worried about him." Izzy said.
"Yeah, it's saddening too…" Joe said. He then looked around the room and said, "Hey, where is Sora?"
"I don't know what's with that girl." I said softly. "She's so…distant now. From the rest of us."
"Except Matt." Izzy said.
"She is VERY strung up on Matt. She's obsessive of him." Joe stated.
I was shocked. "Are you serious? Well, I guess I wouldn't know this because I hadn't been with her in a while. But really? She's really strung up on Matt?"
"Ooohhh Yeahh…" Said Joe.
"HMmm…"
Just then, an ashamed looking Matt walked into the room.
Nobody said anything to him. I don't think anyone wanted to. They were too worried about Tai to even think about anger right now.
He pulled up a chair next to Tai's bedside. He sat in the chair and folded his arms across the bed and put his head into his arms.
I think he's confused. I know I tried beating some sense into him earlier.
He got up and ran out the room.
_______________________________________________________
"I'm a terrible person." I cursed myself. I was outside of Tai's room sitting on the ground.
I'm a terrible person.
I should've noticed it before.
"Matt?" I heard Sora say. I looked up and sure enough, she was there.
"Sora! What are you doing here?" I asked. "I'm here to see you!" She smiled.
"WHAT! ARE YOU BEING INANE? TAI IS IN THERE WITH A DAMN CONCUSSION AND YOU'RE HERE TO SEE ME?!"
Sora looked surprised. "Oh really? He has a concussion? I didn't know. But need I say it? We're not friends. We used to be, but now we're not. Old habits die hard though." She laughed.
"YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" I yelled. I shoved her away from me softly and then went into the hospital room.
He repeated his previous actions when he entered the room again.
He grabbed the chair, pulled it up to the bed and rested his head on Tai's bedside. He held Tai's hand, ignoring the fact that he was unconscious.
"I'm so sorry…" He said.
"I love you too…" He said softly.
I smiled.
He just needed some sense knocked into him.
My cell rang.
I answered it. "um…Hello?"
"MIMI! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BIG BROTHER!??" Kari yelled.
"YEAH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH TAI!?!?" Cody yelled.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS MATT THINKING?!?!" T.K yelled.
"WHY!? IS TAI'S HEAD OKAY?!" Yolei yelled.
"WHERE ARE THE CHEERIOS?!?!" said Daivs.
I had to hold the phone away from my ear. The younger digi destinends were screaming into the phone receiver. I think they were all with Yolei.
I could hear Kari sobbing. "MIMI WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BROTHER?!?!"
I could tell she was on the speaker phone.
"Don't worry Kari, he's alright. All the glass is out. Tell everyone that."
"okay."
She told them about the glass in his head and how it was removed already and then I heard Davis mutter something about Matt…something bad.
"Don't say that Davis, he was just confused and needed some sense beaten into him." I smiled.
"OKAY!" Kari said in relief. "I think I- -" The phone had died.
My cell died.
"Oh man…"
My head…it hurts more than it ever has before.
"Aahhh…" I said. I heard people crowding around me suddenly yelling. "Please…shut up." I didn't know who I Was talking to, but I wanted them to be quiet.
I opened my eyes to see an extremely distressed Matt who was holding my hand.
I frowned sadly and looked away from him.
"I'm sorry…"
"huh?"
"I'm sorry Matt… I wont speak to you anymore."
Matt whimpered then he cried. "NO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY, I'M THE SORRY ONE!"
Why was he crying over me?
Didn't he love Sora?
"I'm a terrible person Tai. Please forgive me."
"Forgive you? I'm confused." I looked at his face. "Matt, what happened to your face?"
"oh.." He chuckled. "Mimi knocked some sense into me."
I laughed a little bit, but winced when the laughing sent multiple painful pangs into my skull.
Matt sat on my bed. He looked at me happily and then picked up my body and hugged me. ]
"I'm so sorry…" He whispered. "You're a wonderful person, and I don't really understand why you would even want to befriend with me anymore." He whispered.
"Matt…I…"
"Please don't talk, just let me do the talking for now. Okay?"
"Okay…"
"Tai…I...I love you too. I love you like you love me."
He tightened his grip on me and then I shivered. Then smiled. "I love you too, but, of course, you already knew that."
He and I laughed and then let me lay back down.
"You can go ahead…" I told him.
He blushed. "Go ahead and do what?"
"You know…"
I closed my eyes and then felt another pair of lips on mines. Then opened my eyes quickly.
This tickles.
He parted away from me and then blushed. Hard.
I laughed hard and then my head started to hurt again. Matt chuckled.
"That's the first time I've heard you REALLY laugh."
He kissed my cheek.
I heard someone going, "AWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"
Really loudly.
I looked beyond Matt and saw a doctor, male, and two female nurses along with Mimi, Izzy and Joe. "AWWWWW!!!"
They went on.
I've decided.
I wont let the shadows take me away from tomorrow,
Instead, I'll let the light embrace me, and let me see tomorrow…