Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Matter of Perspective ❯ Taichi ( Chapter 18 )

DISCLAIMER: I think, judging by the content of this particular part, you can see for yourself that I don't own Digimon Adventure 02. I mean, I've worked around the sorato, but obviously I'd rather it was never there to start with. Since we've safely established that, I'll add that I haven't made any money from the use and/or abuse of their characters. The only thing I own is the text in this story. (Under copyright law, it really is mine.) No infringement intended, all rights reserved.

A/N: If I were giving these installments titles, this would probably be 'Seven', after the Wada Kouji song. (Jessie, I must ask that you please restrain your hatred of his voice for a few seconds.) Anyway, for some reason the acoustic version seems really appropriate for this part. Not even vaguely sure why. Maybe it's just because it sounds slow and sad, and even though this is a happy, happy part (taito at last!), there are still sad moments in it. Share and enjoy, everyone. Share and enjoy. Oh, and I think everyone knows that Miko (I'm assuming female since the name means 'priestess') is the Yagami cat, but at least you do now.

Matter of Perspective Part Eighteen

"What should I do, Miko?"

Really, Taichi knew that he was only talking to a cat. His sister's cat, even, who had never been all that fond of him in the first place. Miko gave him an insolent look to point out that he had stopped petting her, and then sauntered away as if to add that she didn't have to put up with that sort of behavior. He let her go, which was something he'd been doing a lot lately. But Taichi didn't care about getting the cat's advice. She was just a focal point. A way of talking to himself without feeling completely awkward.

Fifteen minutes since Takeru's phone call. Only five or six minutes since his little sister had knocked hesitantly on the door to his room and brought the world crashing down around his ears. The center of what she'd said to him was good -- Yamato almost certainly loved him -- but Taichi wasn't sure yet how to reach that center. Trust his sister to understand; she hadn't burst in singing because she knew that she was giving him more problems than solutions. How were you supposed to go up to someone and explain that you knew they'd lied to you because the one person they had thought they could confide in had rushed to spread the word? Okay, so Yamato had never specifically asked Takeru not to tell anyone, but only because she'd assumed it was obvious.

Maybe. Or maybe she'd left that window open on purpose, even just on a subconscious level. Maybe he was desperate, grasping for straws, but Taichi could sympathize with wanting your little sister to get you out of a situation you couldn't get out of by yourself. Right now, he would have given almost anything for Hikari to tell Yamato that he knew. Even considered asking before he realized she'd never agree. She would want him to face this on his own, because she believed in him more honestly and completely than anyone he'd ever known. That faith made him strong, somehow. And his being strong would make her strong in return. A cycle of energy, the yin and the yang.

So he would be strong now. He would get out of this tiny apartment, away from Agumon's constant accusations ("You said you weren't fighting anymore. You lied to me."), away from his parents who thought he was coming down with the flu or something, and even away from his sister's unwavering support. Yes, he would get outside, breathe fresh air, and figure out what to do from there.

He hadn't meant to find her. Hell, the first thought in Taichi's head as he entered the park was that he should probably avoid Yamato. She'd said she was too confused to handle his feelings, and coming out wasn't going to make her any less confused. He knew that much. But his first instinct when he saw the girl sitting all by herself on the park bench with her knees tucked against her chest and her face buried in her arms was to go over and make sure he couldn't do something to help.

There was a big moon in the sky, round and full and looking about the size of a fist. The kind that people like Koushirou called an 'optical illusion' because they didn't like the idea of the moon changing sizes. Optical illusion or not, though, it gave off more than enough light for Taichi to recognize the face of his former best friend when she looked up at him, and the way her almond-shaped eyes widened told him that she had recognized him, too. It was way too late to pull back without more or less saying he didn't care whether Yamato lived or died, but Taichi still had no idea what to say to her. The only thing he'd come up with was already a moot point. Unless they were in this park for the same reason. If he stayed quiet and kept his cool, maybe he could get her to open up and tell him what he already knew.

"Taichi," she said tonelessly. Not to mask what she felt or in the deathly way Taichi sometimes caught himself speaking when he was almost too angry for words, but more of an exhausted emptiness. As if all her emotions had simply drained out of her when she saw his face.

"Yamato." His own voice carefully neutral.

For some reason, that seemed to make her miserable. She reached out to touch his shoulders and then his face, mouth opening and closing -- eyes slowly filling back up with tears when no sound came out. Yamato wanted to say something, but obviously wasn't sure where to begin. It should've been easy to wait for her, because what he'd wanted for years would be his in seconds. So how come Taichi found himself growing angry and restless? All he could do was wonder what right she had to hesitate now that they both knew. Why wouldn't she just spit it out?

Easy, Taichi. Be patient.

Patient and understanding, right? He'd done patient. As far as he could see, it hadn't gotten him a whole lot. Why shouldn't he just take what he wanted? What he'd wanted for the last few days. Hold her down and kiss her until she admitted she loved him, or draw it out and make her beg. Until she was hot again and desperate for him like she'd been on Wednesday, Wednesday and every time he'd shut his eyes since. Taichi clenched his teeth and shoved the thought away, but he knew that part of him had enjoyed dwelling on it. That part of him just wanted to see more. Maybe they could play a game after things got settled, but a game would never be quite as good as the real thing...

All of this went through his mind, and Yamato was still struggling to speak. It irritated him, and watching her full lips tremble was really not helping his mood. Taichi took several deep breaths. Forced himself to back off a ways so that he'd be able to think more clearly. He did not need to be so close he could smell her shampoo. But the movement must've alarmed Yamato, because she grabbed his hand and kept him from getting any further -- then lowered her eyes like maybe she shouldn't have done that. At least she'd finally quit stammering.

"I talked to Takeru," she announced quietly. It wasn't what he'd been hoping for, but it was a definite step in the right direction.

Still trying to sound unconcerned, Taichi asked, "What did he say?" He sat down on the bench next to her so that she would know he didn't hate her, but didn't get close enough that she'd think anything more.

"A lot of things," she responded in a guarded voice. Much too late, it occurred to him that acting totally indifferent probably wouldn't encourage Yamato to do this any faster. "Mostly, we talked about you."

Good things or bad things? he wondered absently. "I see."

Long pause while the blonde seemed to argue with herself. Then, almost timidly, she murmured, "Taichi, do...do you really love me?"

"No." The sarcasm was thick in his voice. Thick enough to hurt her, but he couldn't bring himself to care. "Obviously, I just said that to see the look on your face."

"You don't have to make fun of me!" Yamato snapped. "Just answer the question."

"Why? So you won't have to risk anything?"

Her head jerked sharply, and she stared at him. Went red when she realized what he meant, hastily dropping her eyes once more. "...You already know."

Taichi sucked in his breath. Not something he'd meant to tell her. Why was he letting his anger get the best of him? "Yeah," he admitted. Then thought of something and lied, just a little bit. "I've known for a while."

"Then how come you let me make a fool of myself?"

There was no resentment in her voice, but he heard the beginnings of despair and touched her shoulder gently -- wondering what he wanted to do. Crushing Yamato would've been child's play, and it might have even made him feel better after everything he'd gone through. But when she looked at him with eyes so soft and vulnerable, he knew he could never be the one to make her cry. So he put an arm around her shoulders and tried not to notice the way she stiffened at his touch.

"Because you said you couldn't deal with having a relationship right now, and I wasn't sure this changed anything."

The honesty seemed to give her pause for thought. Then, slowly and uncertainly but so very beautifully to him, Yamato moved to rest her head on his shoulder and murmured, "It changes everything."

Of course, Taichi found himself thinking that this was the part of the dream where he always woke up, but if it was real... He slipped his index finger under her chin and lifted it gently. Just enough so that he could turn his head and kiss her. The kiss wasn't hard or fast, but seeing her eyes drift shut right before they connected -- knowing that she wouldn't twist away or regret this later -- knowing that Yamato loved him, made all the difference in the world. Afterwards, he brushed his lips over the tip of her nose and watched her blush. She was so pretty when she did that.

"I thought I must be going crazy," Yamato whispered. "That wanting you was so wrong. But this doesn't feel wrong, Taichi."

"Love is never wrong." The words sounded funny, like an old cliché. He meant them anyway.

She didn't nod or shake her head, but gazed at him sideways. Looked thoughtful. "And do you love me? Me," she added, before he had the chance to get frustrated again, "not just this body. I know what you said, Taichi, and I heard you the first time. But I want to make sure my confusion hasn't rubbed off."

When he realized what she wanted, Taichi blinked. How could he begin to express something that had happened so slowly he hadn't noticed it for years, but started so quickly that he knew he'd loved her from the moment they met? When he wasn't even that good with words in the first place. He took one of her hands and traced the tiny lines in her palm, trying to think of some way to explain.

"Well, it's sure not because you're a girl, Yamato. I've never cared much about that. Girls and guys all look good to me, they always have. But if we're just talking about you, it's even more than that. Jeez, Yama. I've loved you since way before I started thinking about any of this stuff. Back when kissing was something gross Mom and Dad did when they thought I wasn't looking. Being a girl, being a guy, doesn't have anything to do with it. You're just...beautiful, Yama. Inside and out, which isn't something most people can do. And I love everything about you."

She was squirming, tugging on her hand, and when he glanced up, she looked like she wanted to cry. "I thought you knew me, Taichi. That you of all people...but you wouldn't say that if you did. Stop it. I don't deserve this."

"You love me back!" he protested, totally mystified.

Okay, so he'd half-expected Yamato to say she didn't, but he'd never expected her to wince. "That's not the point. I thought maybe you could be attracted me, that you might even call that love, but what you're describing..." The blonde shook her head and made as if to stand up. "Please don't waste it on me."

Panic. Panic. Object! Say something! How could she say that? Panic. He knew her. He really did! "I know you, Yamato."

"You don't," she said flatly. "You can't."

"I know you had a hamster when you were three. Before your parents got divorced." He was babbling, but he didn't care. She hadn't moved any further away yet. "Takeru took it out on the balcony one day and dropped it by mistake, but you told your mom it was you so that he wouldn't get punished for it. You haven't been allowed to have a pet since because your dad thinks you can't take care of them, but you've never told him what really happened."

It was working. Yamato was staying where she was, and slowly she turned to stare at him. He kept talking. Anything to make her stay.

"Your great-grandfather died when you were five. You wouldn't stop crying for a week and your dad made you see a therapist because you hadn't even known him that well. The therapist never got you to admit it, but you hated your great-grandfather for a bunch of little kid reasons and thought it was your fault he'd died. Deep down, you still believe it."

These were just things she had mentioned to him over the years that most people didn't know about. Taichi swallowed and went deeper. He would prove her wrong.

"You love the ocean, but you've never gone swimming in it because you're afraid of the current. You go out there whenever you need to get away from everyone, and there's a little cove with rocks all around it that nobody else ever uses because you can't really see it until you're practically on top of it. You take Sora to the beach sometimes, but never to that cove."

He could see the whites all around her eyes. "How did you --"

"Because I know you," he said as simply as he could. "You would never take anyone to a place like that. It'd ruin everything the cove stood for. If you took Sora there, you'd never go by yourself again."

Yamato studied him for a moment, then sat down again. She was curious now. "What else?"

He paused, then caught her left arm and turned it over so that they could both see a thin white line that ran halfway down her forearm. Scar tissue. There was a vaguely triumphant look in her eyes. He thought he knew why, but he was going to disappoint her. "When you were thirteen, your dad found you passed out at home with this arm sliced open and he rushed you to the hospital for eighteen stitches. We all went to visit, but you refused to say anything about what had happened."

When she started to open her mouth, Taichi grinned and interrupted. "Half the Chosen Children think you tired to kill yourself, but I'm not one of them. I think you were just trying to de-bone a chicken for your dad's dinner and the knife got away from you. When you realized you'd cut a vein, you thought you were going to die so you panicked and more or less fainted completely. You were way too embarrassed to tell the truth when you came to, and figured it wasn't like we'd ever believe you anyway. Am I right?"

Blue eyes flickered. "Close," she conceded. "It was a turkey, not a chicken, and I'd never handled a de-boning knife before. The weight of it caught me off guard."

"Should I keep going?"

"You haven't gotten to the bad stuff yet."

He smiled softly and ran a finger down the white line. "Yamato, there isn't any bad stuff. Lapses of judgment, sure, one or two. Like," he went on carefully -- all too aware that this was dangerous ground and he wasn't even sure about it, "I really wanted to be your first."

"Who told you that?" Sharp. Fear rippling across her face. "Takeru?"

"No, not Takeru," he replied, surprised. "You told your little brother?"

"By accident. It slipped out. But..."

"You've only had sex once," Taichi interrupted. He wanted to drive his point home. "Pretty young. And, out on a limb here, not with Sora."

Now she gaped at him. "Okay, this is starting to get creepy."

"I'm not stalking you, Yama. It's just...obvious. You go this really dark red anytime someone mentions sex, which you wouldn't do if you'd never tried it before, 'cause you would want to look like you had. But it can't have been more than once. You wouldn't care otherwise." Again, he covered her hand with his own and squeezed it. "I know you, Yama. Do you believe me yet?"

"You're so sure?" Her voice broke. "I hit Takeru. Tonight, when she suggested I might -- might -- oh god, I can't even say it! But I hit her! I hit my brother, just because she dared to say something I didn't like. Do you really want to get involved with someone like me?"

Even though it was a rather stupid and insensitive thing for him to do, Taichi laughed. "Yama, please. I'd be shocked if you said you'd never pounded on Takeru before. Come on! That's part of having a little brother." When the guilty expression on her face didn't fade, he cupped her cheek and looked at her seriously. "Okay, it wasn't the right thing to do, but I think it's probably natural, don't you? Takeru didn't just say something you didn't like, Yama -- she said something you've spent your whole life trying desperately to ignore. Anyway, you're obviously sorry you did it, and it's not like you'll do it again..."

She let out a whimper, and he broke off to kiss her softly before continuing.

"...so I don't think it makes you a horrible person. Call her and apologize if you want."

Naturally, Yamato had to call right then and there once he suggested it, but she kept her conversation brief and turned back to him with shining eyes. She looked so much happier than he had ever seen her, and when she smiled at him, like that, under the moon and even on the cold bench, he couldn't help falling in love with her all over again. Which is why what she said next was so perfect. Or, Taichi amended, as close to perfect as life would ever get.

"I love you, too, Taichi."

They let the rest of the world fade away for a while. He was kissing her, and she had wrapped her arms around his neck, and they would worry about everything else later on. When they were a little less involved in each other. Not that either one of them ever intended to be less involved in each other. Taichi knew they still needed to find a way to deal with the whole Sora situation, but he thought that could wait.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

End of Part Seventeen.