Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Mistakes ❯ Daisuke ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

I'm not really the big jerk that some people make me out to be. I really try to be a nice guy.

I just fail most of the time.

First, I thought the big emotional roller-coaster ride was the...whole Takeru thing. God...what was I thinking? I still couldn't believe that we had...did what we did.

But no, it wasn't. Earlier, I got a phone call from Miyako. Takeru was in the hospital. He tried to kill himself. Hikari was with him, and she passed out from...psycho-something shock. They were gonna be fine, physically. Emotionally...

One more to the list of problems caused by yours truly. One more scar to take the blame for.

I went out to the soccer field in front of the school to 'practice.'

Really, it was my way of just letting it all out. Some people hit their pillows. Some people write. Some people hold it in and go crazy.

I was letting it out, but I was still going crazy.

My mind insisted on thinking about Takeru, and what we did. Here was the boy I thought I hated. Then, I thought I loved him.

But I knew that it wasn't love. Just because you fuck someone doesn't mean you're in love with them. He was drunk, I wasn't much better; alcohol and hormones make a very dangerous mix. Thank God I was gay, or I could have been the father of someone's child right about now.

Listen to me. Here I am, thankful that I didn't knock up a girl, instead I almost caused someone to kill themself. Much better, huh?

I laughed insanely, and kicked my soccer ball so hard it flew clear across the field and landed neatly in the opposite goal box.

What am I gonna do? I thought. I knew I couldn't face Takeru. Just thinking about what I had done to him, and how I had changed his life and mine, brought tears to my eyes. Obviously, I had indirectly scarred Hikari as well.

A long time ago, or so it seemed, I was sure I was in love with her. I was crazy about her.

Then he had to walk into my life and turn everything upside down.

At first, I was jealous of him. He was good-looking, athletic, made friends easily, and smart, too. He was making moves on my girl! I couldn't believe the nerve of that guy! So, after we had known each other for awhile, I confronted him.

Or, at least, I tried to. Right after he and Hikari announced that they werer 'official,' I went up to him, full of self-righteousness and determination, and demanded that he turn around and face me. I was furious that he possessed the courage to steal Hikari right from under me! I looked directly into his piercing blue eyes, and the words to start off the fight which would win back Hikari were poised to strike on the tip of my tongue.

But I couldn't. I was mesmerized by his...well, everything. His friendly smile disarmed me completely. For the first time, I actually noticed him. I drank in his every feature, line, and curve. My heart, and my cock, fell in love with him right then; all of the anger melted away. It took every ounce of willpower to force myself not to kiss him right then and there, and I ran off, stuttering apologies like an idiot.

Now, a few months later, I had finally done what I never thought I would to. I had been inside of Takeru Takaishi. But there was something that I knew wasn't right. Love wasn't what I felt for him, I realized. There was an emptiness in me that he couldn't fill, and it wasn't just because that one act had suddenly put a rift between us.

I needed to get the weight off of my chest. I needed someone to talk to, confide in, and get advice from. I was sure no one I knew could do that for me.

Certainly not the ex-Digidestined. I was sure I had lost ten close friends because of...it.

'It.' That was the word I used to describe our 'drunken sexual encounter', to quote Koushiro.

I concentrated the building anger, frustration, and denial in me, and let it loose on my soccer ball. It sailed over the goal post, over the hedge, and into the street. I swore loudly, and started jogging over to get the truant ball. It flew over the wall and landed in my arms; I was startled enough to drop it.

Not one to forget my manners, I called over the wall, "Thanks!"

"Not a problem," replied a very familiar voice.

The school's gateway opened, and in walked Ken Ichijouji.

My jaw almost hit the ground. Of all the people in the world, he was the last one I expected to be hanging around the school.

"Ken?!"

"The one and only. How are you, Daisuke?"

He flashed me a smile, and I felt something stir inside me.

"I-I'm fine, how are you?"

"Lonely. Stressed. But otherwise, passable." He looked at me. "This is the last place I would have expected to find someone blamed for the near-death of one of his friends."

I looked at the ground. "So, you've heard, then."

He nodded.

"Aren't you going to condemn me, tell me I'm worthless, tell me I'm all fucked up, like everyone else has, or probably will?"

Ken's smile rapidly disappeared. "No. As a matter of fact, I was going to ask if you needed someone to talk to. I realize that this is a rough patch in your life, Daisuke." He laughed mirthlessly. "Hell, this could be the worst few days you'll ever see. But, trust me, no matter how hard it gets, as long as there's someone else who misses you, and cares about you, you'll make it." I could see tears beginning to form in his eyes. "Remember, back when I was the self-proclaimed Digimon Emperor? I was going through hell. That was my reaction to losing my closest friend, my brother. My classmates thought I was too smart, young or geeky for them, so I didn't have any friends. When my brother died, I shut myself away. I went on the Internet to seek someone else who I could share my pain with." He sighed. "I joined support groups, I met people on-line, I even built my own website just to see if anyone was out there who I could just talk to as an equal. But all anyone was willing to offer me was a kind, meaningless word and addresses to porn sites. So, I delved deep into the seamy underbelly of the Internet, and found the Digital World. There was a place where I could start from scratch, and, well, the rest is history."

I looked at him for a moment, not yet willing to open myself up to someone who had tried to kill me in the not-too-distant past. I knew he had changed, but still..."I'm sure there's a moral to this story, Ken, so out with it."

"My point, Daisuke, is that you've encased yourself in a firewall of self-confidence and are entirely unwilling to let your inner feelings show. Don't try to pretend you're a hardass, because deep down, I'll bet you're not. Look, I know you've been through a lot lately. I have a pretty good idea for what you're feeling inside right now. Open yourself up to me, Daisuke, and I'll help you through this. That's what I'm trying to say."

I was stunned, but my sarcasm, which had always been the one thing I couldn't control, jumped into action. "That's funny, I never figured you for the emotional type."

A familiar fire ignited within Ken. "God damn it, Daisuke, I'm trying to help you! What is it going to take for you to get the idea through your thick skull that I've changed, that I'm here for you?!" Tears started spilling out of his eyes, and he grabbed my arm.

Then he kissed me.

I have never been surer of anything before or since; I knew that this blue-haired boy genius was the person who I should have been with from the start. He was everything I wasn't: cool, collected, intelligent, deliberate. Even his mouth felt like it had been perfectly crafted for me.

He held my lips to his, our tongues exploring each other's mouth, for what seemed like an eternity. Here was the person I loved from the beginning.

"There. Are you satisfied now?" Ken broke away from me, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Daisuke, the only reason I came was because I realized that we needed each other. You need a soulmate, someone you can confide in without worrying about them turning on you, someone you can go to for advice. I need a complement, someone who can help me when I can't do things by myself, someone who is headstrong, and courageous, and has a different, optimistic point of view on life." He smiled at me, a warm, radiant smile that I had never seen before. "Not to mention someone who is damn good-looking in their own right."

I was crying by then. I managed to smile, and he brushed away my tears. Already, his overwhelming self-confidence had begun to wear at my layers of insecurity.

"Ken, I...I think I love you."

"Daisuke, I'm sure I love you."

I understood that I had a lot to take the blame for. I made a lot of mistakes, and needed to set everything right. And I also knew that the days ahead would be full of sadness, regret, and doubt.

But now I had someone to guide me through the darkness. Now I could go on.

THE END