Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Never Gonna Fly ❯ Never Gonna Fly ( Chapter 1 )

Never Gonna Fly

Author's Notes: This is a very strange fic that Pizazz (an author on ff.net) made me think about when we were chatting on MSN Messenger. We weren't even talking about strange couples, but me being strange, thought of one. *coughs* You'll see why. It's kind of weird and sad. Enjoy! And I know the beginning might seem that this will be... oh never mind, just read it.

**~**

Matt clutched his stomach as he left the nurse's office, thanking God that his mother let him go home. He would have called his Dad, but he didn't feel like disturbing him at work, even though it would have been easier just to call him. With his mother, he had to explain why he was "sick" and where he would be going. Of course, he answered both of those obviously saying 'home, and the cafeteria lunch made him feel queasy'. Of course that wasn't the real reason.

Matt almost always felt this way. His stomach hurt almost everyday, but it wasn't because the cafeteria lunch gave him a stomach ache, though you would think the stale buns and mushy rice would do that to him; it wasn't growing pains either, though his father had tried to suggest that to him when he mentioned it one night, and Matt just nodded along, knowing that wasn't the particular reason either; and it wasn't because he was nervous about next year, being a sophomore and all. No, it wasn't any of those things.

He looked both ways before crossing the street, but his head mostly turned in the direction of the right side, as if he could see his old apartment building just down the block. But no, he wasn't close enough. His old apartment building was just a few turns and blocks away, and as he thought of this, he could map out the entire route to his flat, knowing it since he was five years old. He used to run and play with T.K., and after he had gone into the Digital World, used to hang around with Tai and Sora; the three of them close friends.

That was only for a moment did he think about his old home when he thought of going to his new home that wasn't a block away from Sora's and across the street from Tai's. No way, this one was five blocks away from Sora's and four from Tai's. Matt despised his new home, cursing his father for moving them what, four blocks away? And what was that for? A new girlfriend? So that he could be four blocks closer to work, perhaps?

Matt had no idea and didn't try to ponder at it, either. He had too much on his mind already. One being the object of his affection, the very person who caused Matt to have these stomach aches. It was a person who was known for his "big hair", though everyone now just accepts it because there was no way in hell he will ever cut it, and he made sure everyone knew that too; and he was also known for being the overly friendly to everyone, even strangers. Of course, just plain and simple, he was called Tai Kamiya.

Just thinking of him made Matt's stomach turn as his apartment building came into view. Love wasn't supposed to do that to a person... it was supposed to make you ebullient and light to your stomach. It wasn't doing any of that for him, in fact, it was making his stomach hurt at the thought of Tai. Just knowing that they could never love each other, even though neither of them had a boyfriend or girlfriend, would drive anyone crazy, and drive Matt to upset stomachs. So that's why he would always get stomach aches in classes that he had with Tai or at lunch time, when him, Sora, Izzy, and Tai would all sit together. It was hard, especially since everyone considered the pair best friends, even Matt.

Just get him out of your head because it is never going to happen, he told himself. As he walked up the stairs to his apartment, he thought of how much he missed when he didn't have more than friends feelings for Tai. Those two were inseparable at that time. They used to have sleep overs at each other's house on both Saturday and Sunday; whenever they had a spare at the same time, they would sneak out of school and head towards the mall or soccer field, with Matt not minding soccer too much anymore; and most of all, when one of them was feeling down, the other was there to cheer him up. It was how their friendship worked. It was how they remained good friends.

Not to say that the two teenage boys weren't friends anymore. They still hung around, but weren't "inseparable" like before. But it was hard for Matt to be around Tai without feeling slightly aroused, even if Tai was only laughing at some joke Sora said or something clumsy that he regularly did. And then he got to a point where reality struck, leaving him hopeless and full of despair, of course, causing the stomach aches all because he knew that Tai would never return those feelings he had for him. Nevertheless, Tai still came over every once in a while and they talked lots at school.

Maybe I could actually have him. Matt stopped walking when the thought struck his mind. I could tell him, and if he rejects me, that's just too bad. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep missing school... So when it settled in Matt's mind that he was going to tell Tai his feelings, he began his trek up the stairs again.

Unlocking the door, he was unsurprised when the house was a chilling silence, the only sound was the creaking door shutting. The place was in its usual state: shoes in a mess beside the door, some of the coats that were supposed to be hanging up were on the floor, the coffee table littered with garbage from bags of chips and pails of ice cream... mostly eaten by Tai and himself, and then there were the clothes. Clothes that hadn't been there this morning, leaving Matt questioning why and how those clothes got there.

He took a step towards a rumpled t-shirt on the floor... a shirt that was familiar to him. He took more steps to the next item of clothing: his father's shirt. Next, his heart began to race as his feet silently swayed down the hallway. Faint noises were heard; finally followed by a louder noise that sounded more like a moan than a scream; then silence. His eyes grew wide, but even so, he ventured into the doorway, only hoping that it was all just a dream.

His love; the boy he had been friends with since the Digital World adventures; the boy who helped him deal with his break up with Sora, which only took place a little less then a year ago; the boy who used to stay up all night with him whenever he and his dad got into an argument was underneath his very own father, completely naked!

The brunette teen was breathless, staring into the man Matt called father. His hands were tightly wrapped around the older -- much older -- man's neck. He leaned up and placed a soft kiss on the man's cheek before mumbling, "I have to get back to school soon. My next class starts in ten minutes, and if I'm not back before my spare's finished, I'll be in deep trouble."

"Of course."

While this was happening, Matt was trying to plan an escape as quietly as he came in. But when he tried to move, his legs wouldn't, for they were numb with fear and anger and shock.

Tai leaned over the bed, fetching a pair of navy shorts. To both Matt and his father's astonishment, he slipped them on without putting on his underwear. Glancing up to look for his shirt, he met with a pair of icy azure eyes. "Matt..."

Finally, Matt was able to move and he bolted from sight, fleeing the sounds of his best friend and father calling his name; fleeing his own home, the place where he was supposed to feel comfort, not pain, but instead felt distress seeing his fifteen year old friend in bed with his own father!

The blonde teen ran until his lungs called it quits on him and decided that they wanted to take a rest. So resolutely, Matt stopped to take in a few deep breaths. Unfortunately for him, Tai was a lot more fit than Matt and caught up easily.

"Matt, listen to me. You don't understand--"

"Understand what? It's pretty obvious when someone's screwing someone, which happens to be my own father." After saying that, Matt felt queasy and had to lean against the wall of an apartment building to keep himself from collapsing.

Tai didn't say anything, but instead, looked away.

"Why are you doing this?"

Again, Tai remained silent, gazing at some unknown object, as if it were more important than Matt.

"Answer me. Tai, what's going on? Why are you... oh God, you are having sex with my dad!" Matt groaned and began to walk away, knowing that if he didn't leave, he would lose his lunch.

"Matt, wait!" Tai called.

Matt walked into the local department store, not acknowledging Tai. He headed straight for the washrooms; and when he did get there, he breathed deeply, knowing that if he had to, he could easily run into a bathroom stall.

Tai walked in, staring uneasily at his angry friend. He walked past him and jumped up on the counter, wordlessly.

"Why?" Matt's voice was sturdy and sharp.

"Maybe we shouldn't--"

"Why? I think I have a right to know why you are having sex with my dad." He turned his gaze directly to Tai, as if trying to see right into his mind: the key to all of answers.

"Matt, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Tai whispered, beginning to whimper.

"How long?"

Tai covered his face with his hands and shook his head, crying now.

"How long?"

"Six months..."

His eyes grew wide. "Six months? No, no way! You-- you-- I hate you! Six months! You've been lying to me that long? How could you do this to me? How could you, Tai? You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"It's not like we've been friends much anyway. The reason this started is because I was worried about you."

"So you sleep with my father?" Matt retorted.

"Yes... well, it didn't happen that way. You were all distant again, like how you were in the Digital World, and when I went to your dad... it just happened, that's all. You know how it is," Tai explained, his voice quivering.

"No, I don't know how it is. Unlike you, I don't plan to lose my virginity at fifteen. I didn't think you planned to either..."

"Not that you would know anyway," Tai muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means that you barely talk to me anymore. Sure you wave in the hallways and sit beside me in class, but what happened? I got worried about you and--"

"This isn't about me. You're the one who's screwing my dad. Why? It can't just be because of me. There has to be another reason."

"There isn't. Like I said, I was worried about you, went to see your dad and--"

"I know you, Tai. Just like you know me. Is he forcing you into this? I never thought my dad would do that, but is he?"

Tai shook his head. "I want this too."

"Want what? To have sex with my dad-- hold on, how many times a week are we talking about?"

"That isn't any of your business," Tai snapped, shoving Matt's shoulder. He leapt off the counter top, shoving Matt's shoulder again. "Enough with the questions! It isn't any of your business why I've been sleeping with your dad. Just leave me alone."

At that moment, Matt felt as if a knife went through his heart. For the first time since he walked into the room and saw Tai underneath his father, he realized that the person who he was crazy about was never going to love him. Sure he felt that before, for that was the reason he always felt sick to his stomach, but there was always that glimmer of hope that kept him going through the days. Now there was nothing.

Matt didn't say anything as he left the washroom of the department store. He didn't try to move at a quick pace; didn't try to move around people, only barged past people, knocking them over with his shoulders; and he definitely didn't stop when Tai was calling his name.

**~**

A short time later, Matt found himself at his brother and mom's home, knocking on the door.

T.K. opened up and smiled. "Hey Matt, I wasn't expecting you. I was going to go shoot some hoops with Davis, but I don't mind canceling."

"You don't have to. I'll be here for a while anyway."

"Huh?" T.K. questioned as he made way for his brother to walk into the flat.

Matt simply walked past his brother, and as his mother greeted him, he ignored her. After going into T.K.'s room, which was the only available room besides his mom's, he shut the door quietly. He wanted to cry so badly, but as usual, kept it in, which only added to the pain he was feeling.

Only minutes later did a knock come to the door. "Matt, honey, are you okay?"

His mother's voice was so welcoming that he had the urge to tell her everything and let her tell him everything would be okay, that he would never have to go home again. But he didn't feel close enough to her to do that, so instead, he called back, "I'm fine."

A few minutes later, T.K. began knocking. "Matt, I need my homework."

What a lame excuse, he thought. But sure enough, when he looked on T.K.'s desk, there were three text books stacked neatly upon it. "Nobody's stopping you, the door's open."

T.K. opened the door and closed it behind him. He crinkled his nose. "I know, but it's rude to enter a room when someone else is in there without knocking, even though it is my room."

A twinge of guilt struck Matt, but nevertheless, he remained cool. "Yeah, well like I said, nobody was stopping you from entering."

"But still... So, mind telling me why you came over and are hiding in my room?" T.K. sat beside his brother on the bed, studying him endlessly.

Matt looked away. "I just felt like coming over to see you guys."

"But you aren't even visiting with us," the younger blonde pointed out.

"Oh... I'm planning to right now. Let's go see what Mom's up to."

"Nah, I wouldn't do that if I were you. She'll only ask you why you are here and then go back to writing her articles. I usually just watch TV or hang out with Davis whenever I can."

Matt looked at his brother curiously, wondering why he kept mentioning Davis' name. He decided the best thing would be not to ask questions, as he would only get asked questions in return. "Is there any food? I'm starved."

"Uh, sure," T.K. said uneasily. He led Matt out of his room and into the kitchen.

Matt could really care less about food, in fact, his head and stomach hurt so badly that all he wanted to do was sleep.

"Matt, you mind watching T.K.?" the brothers' mother asked. "I need to go to the printing room to get a bit of information."

"Yes I--"

"Mom! I'm thirteen! I think I know how to look after myself," T.K. groaned, putting a pout on his face.

Ms. Takaishi gave T.K. a strange glare, that made him say, "But sometimes I do need to be watched."

Matt questioned what was going on, but again, he didn't want to be questioned either, so he instead concluded, "Yeah, I need to catch up on my video games with T.K. anyway. I have yet to beat my old high record, which I am guessing is still not beaten by you." Matt flashed a grin at his brother, his eyes shining with rapture.

T.K. laughed. "I'll admit it, I still haven't beaten your high score, but I will soon."

"Right..."

"Well, I'll leave you boys to play your video games." With a kiss on both teens' cheeks, she left the house with a messy briefcase in hand.

Within ten minutes, Matt and T.K. were settled in front of the TV, playing video games. T.K. was laying flat on his stomach, a pillow under his chest.

"I told you I'm getting better."

Matt was leaning against the wall, not really putting full heart into the game. That's why T.K. was playing "better". All Matt could think about, or the only image in his head was not of the video program, but of his father on top of Tai, and Tai leaning up to place his tender lips against his cheeks...

"...Matt? Hello? Matt!"

Matt jerked back to realize that his character had died.

"What's with you today? You seem so distance."

And that's when Tai's voice floated into his mind. You were all distant again, like how you were in the Digital World, and when I went to your dad... it just happened, that's all. You know how it is...

"No, I don't know how it is."

"What is?" T.K. asked, looking rather confused.

"Nothing," Matt replied, shaking his head.

"What's with you today? Come on, I know something's up. As happy as I am that I beat you, though I didn't beat your high score, you don't seem to be putting in your usual effort. As much as I would love to say I beat you, I can't because this feels wrong. So tell me, what's up?"

Matt pressed the 'start' button on his controller. "Now I have to show you what I'm really made of. Let's play another round," the older blonde said, dismissing entirely what T.K. had just said.

T.K. gave a sad look to his brother, which Matt tried to ignore, and forced a smile. "Sure."

Another few minutes passed with silence between the brothers. Finally, T.K., as causally as he could, asked, "So, did you have a fight with Dad?"

"No, not really."

"Then why don't you want to go home?"

Simple answer: I don't want to face him after what I saw. "Like I told you, T.K. I just want to hang out with you. You're my brother. I like spending time with you."

T.K. smiled. "Yeah, same here." He was quiet for a moment. "Do you ever feel like your flying?"

"Huh?"

"I feel like I'm flying. My stomach is always filled with butterflies and-- oh shoot--" T.K. jumped to his feet-- "I forgot to call Davis and tell him I won't be meeting him. Be right back."

Matt paused the game and watched his brother as he furiously dialed the obviously familiar number. "Hi Jun. Is your brother there?" A moment passed with T.K. nodding his head. "Hey Davis. Just to tell you, I can't meet you at... the basketball courts."

It was obvious to Matt that Davis and T.K. weren't planning to meet at the basketball courts, which mostly was the planned excuse to their mothers.

"I'm sorry, but I would like to spend some time with Matt." Immediately T.K.'s face brightened. "I-- I'll call you tonight."

Matt waited as his younger brother hung up the phone and came back, his cheeks slightly flushed. Yet again, he didn't ask about Davis for the same reason before. "Ready?"

T.K. picked up his controller, nodding. "This time, I'm going to beat you the right way."

And later on, T.K. did beat Matt, but not because he was better than the older Ishida.

**~**

"Matt, do you want me to drive you home?" his mother asked, walking in front of the TV.

"Mom, get out of the way! I promised Davis I would watch this show."

"If Davis were to jump off a bridge, would you follow?" Ms. Takaishi asked sarcastically.

T.K. snickered. "Sure. You know that's a stupid question."

Matt smiled at the petty argument between his mother and T.K. He had only wished that he could move in with them, even though he would probably get annoyed with his mother's fussing, especially since he was used to late nights with his band, or even when he hung out with Tai.

The phone rang and his mother went to answer it. Matt glanced at his brother, who looked like he was bored, but was sentenced to watching this show.

T.K. looked at Matt when he felt eyes on him. "If you are wondering why I am so eager to watch this... you should understand. You understand friendship. I told Davis I would watch his TV show, so I am going to do that. You would do the same thing for Tai."

I might have because of my feelings for him. But not now.

"Matt, I'm going to drive you home now. Your father wants me to," his mother said, taking her mouth from the speaker.

Matt leapt to his feet. "Do I have to? I mean, I never finished hanging around with T.K. yet. We need to spend quality time together." He put his hand on T.K.'s shoulder, squeezing hard.

"Ow Matt, you are hurting me!" the blonde exclaimed, trying to wrench loose of his grip.

The ex-wife of Mr. Ishida gave her sons a funny look, especially meaning it to be to her eldest. She went back to talking on he phone. "Matt wants to stay the night, but mind telling me why?"

Matt froze, and even T.K. did.

She nodded her head a few times before concluding. "Well you two better talk in the morning, as I am sure you want him home. Why doesn't he stay for the night, and tomorrow morning I will drive him home?"

Matt cursed the fact that it was Friday. He wished that he didn't have to go home, and just disappear in the crowds at school. But obviously it was now the weekend, and that wasn't going to happen any time soon. He obviously told her we had some sort of argument. What a bastard. He expects me to live with him when he is having sex with my best friend? The person I am in love with... why is this happening to me? Why? It should be me having crushes on Mimi or Sora, not being in love with Tai. Wanting him to hold me; touch me in places I have only imagined; kiss me like our lives depended on it, but full of exiliration, life, love,..

"...Matt? Matt! I swear, Mom, he's been doing this all day. Matt!"

"Huh? What?" Matt asked, shaking his thoughts.

"Let's go to bed, now," T.K. said quickly, springing off the couch. "The plan is fine with him, Mom." He pulled his brother to his room and quickly shut the door behind him.

"What's wrong with you?" Matt asked, staring curiously at his brother.

T.K. blushed a bit. "You um... who were you thinking about?"

"What? I wasn't thinking about anyone."

T.K. sighed. "Matt, you are... um... you are sort of getting aroused."

This time it was Matt who blushed. He walked away from his brother and began searching his closet for a few blankets that he could lay on the floor. After he fixed himself a bed, he said, "Like you said, let's get some sleep."

"I don't really want to sleep," T.K. protested. "I usually stay up much later than this."

Matt went under the blankets and slid off his pants. After taking off his shirt, he pulled the covers over his shoulders. "Night T.K."

T.K. hadn't moved an inch, and finally said, "I'm going to get a drink of water. I'll be back." T.K. left the room, closing the door behind him.

Through the wall, Matt could hear two hushed voices talking, but couldn't make out what they were saying. So instead of pondering, he tried to relax and get some rest, though he was nowhere near sleeping.

**~**

Matt pulled up the covers, shivering. It wasn't cold, but that's how he felt at heart: cold, lonely, and depressed. All he could think abut was Tai. It was making him lose saneness.

Suddenly, T.K. sat up. Matt could make out the shadow of him reaching out his hand to the nightstand that was just above Matt's head, because Matt was sleeping on the floor. He opened a drawer and pulled out several sheets of paper. Then he quietly turned on the lamp.

Matt remained still, as if he was being caught for staying up late.

"Where are they?" he asked himself quietly. "Stupid Davis..."

Matt was trying to decipher what was happening, but with no luck. Finally, he quietly sat up and stared at his brother until he looked up.

T.K. gasped and jumped slightly. "God Matt, you scared me half to death."

"I know, I have that effect on people," he said with a smile, though it was half true, in his mind anyway.

T.K. rolled his eyes. "What are you doing up?"

"The light woke me up."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I keep forgetting you are here, so I didn't realize that I should have kept the light off."

"That's okay, though that makes me wonder if you do this lots." Matt bit his tongue, angry at himself for saying something that could easily come back with a question itself.

But that didn't happen. "Yeah well that isn't any of your business. Not that you would care or anything."

"I do too care. Now I want to know what these papers you're looking for are."

T.K. raised an eyebrow. "There are certain things I want to know too. How about we make a deal? I'll tell you what I'm looking for and you have to tell me why you are so upset. Is that a deal?"

Matt ignored the compromise. "I'm going to try and get some sleep now. You can keep the light on, it doesn't bother me that badly."

"Okay, good night," said T.K., his voice full of disappointment.

Ten minutes later, the drawer opened and closed again, and then the light turned off. Matt could hear T.K. snuggling under the covers again, and also heard him groan about who knows what.

"Why do you feel like you are flying?"

The question seemed to remain in the room, though silent. It hung around until T.K. finally answered it.

"Why? Many reasons. Life is good for me right now, Matt. I have great friends, a great boy--" T.K. cut himself off and continued with something else "--I am happy right now. Why shouldn't I be?"

"Why can't I be flying?"

"You could if you told me what's happening. Maybe I could help you and--"

"No, you're only thirteen. You wouldn't understand."

"What does that have to do with this? Is this about a girl or something? Did you get some girl pregnant or something? Oh my gosh, you did too, didn't you? You told dad and he flipped out. Am I right?"

"You are ice cold, T.K. I don't have a girlfriend. My last girlfriend was Sora."

"Oh. Well then what is it?"

"Like I said, you are too young to know."

"Matt, please, don't pull that crap on me. I have a... Matt, I'm dating Davis. We are dating, and who says that we haven't gone farther than kissing before? If you did get some girl pregnant, I would understand--"

"How far have you gone with Davis?"

"That's private, but I'm still a virgin. That doesn't mean we haven't done other stuff, so if you are questioning what I know about sex, then forget about it because I know plenty."

"Oh, but I'm still not telling you. I'm not, got it?"

"Then you are never going to fly."

That was the end of their conversation. Soon, both boys were sleeping, each with similar and different troubles on mind.

**~**

The next morning Matt awoke with a groan. Not only had he had a terrible sleep, but he had to go waking up early as well.

T.K. was sleeping on his bed, snoring slightly. His covers barely covered his body, and Matt could see the boxers he was wearing. He noticed there was writing that said: Davis was here. Man, how far have those two gone?

After pulling on the same clothes as yesterday, Matt ventured into the kitchen where he found his mother sitting at the computer, typing away furiously.

She didn't even look back, but said, "Morning Matt. I'm not used to making any breakfast since T.K.'s usually asleep until lunch, but if you want, I could fix you something."

"It's okay, I'm not really hungry."

"I'm going to run some stuff to the office and then I'll be back in a jiffy to take you home," his mother said, gathering up a ton of paper. She shoved it all into one briefcase, took a paper that the printer just spewed out, and walked past him.

"Yeah, sounds good. Take your time."

Ms. Takaishi looked back at him. "I have never seen you so eager to stay here before. Your father told me you two had a fight about some girlfriend of yours or something. Matt, please don't do anything foolish. You're only fifteen."

Matt wanted to cry out, 'But I am not the one who lost my virginity at fifteen! Tai's the one who lost it to Dad.' But the teen bit his tongue and forced a smile. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Who's your latest girlfriend? Sora? Did you two get back together?"

"No, just a girl from school."

"Well, when T.K. gets up, please make sure that he eats some breakfast. He's always rushing out without eating something to meet Davis or Kari."

"Sure."

And that's when Nancy Takaishi left the house. Matt watched her drive away through the window, and after he got tired of watching the city citizens below walk through their lives, even though it was a simple as crossing the street, Matt moved to the couch and tried to fall back asleep.

When he closed his eyes, all he could see was the now familiar image of his father and Tai laying naked in bed. Damn him!

"...Why do you keep zonking out on me? Listen to me. Hello, Matt? Earth to Matt."

Matt opened his eyes and found a pair similar to his staring back at him. "I thought you usually sleep in."

"I just tell Mom that so that I can go meet Davis sooner."

"Than how does she know you don't eat breakfast?"

"I think she guesses that because I never leave any dirty plates in the kitchen," T.K. replied, shrugging. "Anyway, have a good sleep?"

"Sure."

T.K. snickered. "I did."

"Is that after or before you read whatever was on those papers?"

T.K. grinned. "After."

"Can I ask you why it says on your boxers 'Davis was here'? Mom's going to flip if she sees those."

The blonde blushed. "That isn't any of your business."

"May I remind you that you're only thirteen?"

"No you may not. You're fifteen and you have a girlfriend."

"I don't have a girlfriend! Dad lied to Mom!" Matt exclaimed, the rage inside still burning with no intention of lighting up.

"What?"

Matt took a deep breath and forced a smile. "I mean--"

"What do you mean Dad lied? What's going on between you two? This fight you guys are having isn't over a girlfriend?"

"T.K., just mind your own business and drop it." Matt sat up, which he shouldn't have done because T.K. took a seat beside him.

"I think I have a right to know. After all, he's my dad too."

"I don't go asking you what you and Mom fight over."

"Want to know? She gets mad because I'm always hanging around Davis, and also because she found something she shouldn't have a few weeks ago. I just got off being grounded last week."

Matt would have asked, but decided like yesterday that the best thing to do would be to keep the questions inside.

"Fine, then let's watch some TV." T.K. made himself comfy and turned on the television, and then he turned to Matt. "You are too suborn."

"Whatever."

**~**

It was an hour later when Ms. Takaishi phone to say she was running late, but she would be home in another hour.

Matt hung up the phone and turned back to the television, smiling. He was glad to be excused from going home. Sighing, he lay his head on the arm of the couch and began to think, only that wasn't such a good thing considering he kept seeing that image, and all that replayed in his mind was Tai kissing his father's cheek.

"...Matt! Matt, are you okay?"

"I want to fly, T.K."

T.K. turned off the television and looked at his brother. "Then tell me what's going on."

"I can't. What if I get into trouble or something?"

"Did you do something illegal?"

"No, but I think Dad did."

T.K.'s eyes grew wide. "What do you mean by that?"

"I remember one time when Mimi was visiting. She said something about--" Matt cut his own self off, not wanting to lay the burden on his younger brother.

"Go on."

"Please T.K., I don't want to talk about."

"Matt, I'm worried about you."

"Don't be worried about me. I just wish that I didn't have to go home." Matt found himself enveloped in a hug by T.K. His soothing voice was all Matt could hear.

"Everything will be okay. Don't worry..."

Matt didn't exactly hear everything that was being said, but it felt nice being in his brother's arms. Just knowing that someone was there to solace him brought Matt comfort.

Then the phone rang, so Matt pushed away his brother and told him to go answer it. And of course, T.K. being the obedient boy went to go to that.

"Takaishi residence." T.K. nodded his head a few times and then said, "Yeah sure, hold on. Matt, the phone is for you."

"Who is it?"

"Tai. I know you won't mind talking to him, so here, take the phone."

Matt turned around. "Tell him to fuck off."

"You're mad at him too? Who else are you holding a grudge to?"

"Shut up, T.K. Leave me alone." Matt stood up and walked towards the door, eager to leave the apartment and be alone. Then he remember the promise to his mother, about watching over T.K., so instead, he leaned against the wall, looking in the opposite direction of where his brother stood.

"Um, Matt doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. Can I talk to Kari, please? Ha, very funny, Tai. Yeah right. No way!"

Matt rolled his eyes at the fact that Tai seemed so "friendly", meanwhile he's living this other life. So maybe I am exaggerating. Maybe I am being too snippy about it. When I go home today, I will do nothing but smile and say everything is fine. That's what everyone wants.

**~**

"Now you take care, Matt. And if you need a place to stay again, don't hesitate to call."

"Sure." Matt climbed out of the car and waved at his mother and brother as they began to drive away. When he looked on the third floor, where his apartment was, his stomach turned at the thought of pretending everything was okay.

As he climbed the stairs, all he could do was rehearse what he would say when his father wanted to talk about what he saw. If he actually does want to talk. I bet he won't even say anything and go about with his usual work. Hold on, he is usually at work right now anyway. No wonder he has to work on Saturday, considering he must get off early during the week to sleep with Tai. Oh God... Tai. This is unfair. I'm the one who loves him!

Matt unlocked the door and quietly stepped into the house, as if anyone who was home might not hear the creaking door open and close. When he turned around, his eyes met with his father's.

"Hi Matt."

Everything Matt had rehearsed on the way up had completely vanished, leaving his mind blank. He wasn't sure what to say, or do. All he could do was stand by the door and remain eye contact.

"I'm sorry."

Again, Matt wasn't expecting that.

"I know you must hate me."

Oh yeah! "It's okay. Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter if you are fucking my best friend. It just doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter if I am sleeping with my girlfriend, right? I mean, Mom gave me the whole lecture this morning about having a girlfriend. I've had an endless amount of girlfriends, haven't I? I mean, they all must be imaginary considering Sora was the last girlfriend I had. How could you do that to me? Make it seem like it was my fault that we had a 'disagreement', when the last time we talked was yesterday morning, before I left for school."

"What was I supposed to tell your mother?"

"Oh, so you use me as an excuse? I'm sorry, but I don't like being used as an excuse for everything. It's obvious Tai was only being my friend just so you two could have your weekly fun. So basically, I have never had a best friend before. I wonder what it is like to have one. Excuse me why I go take a shower." Matt began to leave when Mr. Ishida laid a hand on his shoulder.

"We need to talk about this."

"Since when did you actually start acting like a father? You haven't for several years and you proved it yet again yesterday. That isn't how it's supposed to be. Your father isn't supposed to take your best friend away."

"I didn't take him away from you--"

"Yes you did! You did so! This is so stupid. I actually thought I might have a chance. I want him so badly and you stole him away from me. He's my age, not yours."

"Matt--"

"I could care less if you are gay, so why couldn't you have picked someone your own age? That's not fair! I'm the person who loves him, not you. You are just using him for your sex toy and I am the one who cares about him--"

"Matt!" But this time, it was a different voice.

Matt turned his head to the living room where Tai sat on the couch, looking shocked. Matt looked away and cleared his throat, for it ached from yelling. Calmly, he walked past his dad and went into his room, shutting the door behind him.

Oh my God... Oh my God, Matt chanted in his head. He felt dizzy, as if someone merely punched him in the stomach and left him to rot with pain. Only he wasn't alone, because there was a soft knock at the door.

Just go away, please, Matt begged, closing his eyes. The blonde teen looked around the room, as if he could actually escape his windowless room. A few still seconds went by where he had no emotion, no feeling about anything. And then it hit. The most agonizing stomach ache ever. He knew these stomach aches were mostly from the mind: a cruel way to express the pain he suffers in silence.

"Matt, please," the voice was soft, but demanding, and Matt felt like he couldn't resist, but he managed not to speak.

I can't take it anymore! Why is this happening? Why can't people just fall in love and be happy, and not get their love torn away? Why?

"Please, just let me in." The handle turned, and a cry of protest escaped Matt's lips. Tai poked his head in, his eyes ablaze with tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Go away." Now Matt's fists were clenched and he stood up straight. "Go."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know..."

"That doesn't matter. Nothing does. I don't care. Go away, I have homework to do."

"It's Saturday."

"So?"

"You don't like doing your homework on Saturdays." Tai shut the door behind him. "These are the kind of of things that made me to what I do. You aren't acting like yourself."

"You heard me."

"Heard what?"

"You know what I said out there."

"Is this why you have been acting so weird? Over me?"

Matt looked away. "Of course not. I was lying so that my dad would stop it. I'm not gay. I said that because I thought maybe he would back away."

Tai sighed. "That's a relief. I actually thought you were serious."

Matt's heart skipped a beat. He doesn't love me... "Now leave. You aren't welcome in my room any longer."

"It's over. Your dad and I are stopping now. We realized it was wrong."

"Of course it was wrong! You're fifteen! Now leave."

"But it's over. Can't we be friends again?"

"Friends don't put each other through the pain you have caused me. You have no idea what it was like to see you having sex with my dad. What if I was to do the same? Then how would you feel?"

Tai opened his mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say. His soft chocolate eyes peered at Matt sadly, wishing that he could change everything.

"I never thought I would say this, Tai, but I hate you. I never want to see you again."

"Don't do this to me! You're my best friend!"

Matt bit his lip to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. "Go. I hate you."

"It was a mistake. People make mistakes all of the time. You're acting if we are dating or something. We aren't, and I can do what I want!"

"No I'm not! You are sleeping with my dad! Tai, sex isn't supposed to be a mistake. It is supposed to be with the people you love and cherish, not just for fun. And I hate you for thinking otherwise." And for breaking my heart...

"Come on, Matt. We are best buds. We can work through this. As long as you don't tell anyone, it'll be okay. I know what I did was wrong, but I'm only human."

"Did you know that I'm getting blamed for this? I'm like the excuse. That isn't fair. Besides, I hate you for it. Now leave."

Tai bowed his head and began descending from the room. "I'll miss you."

"Well I won't." Matt followed Tai to his bedroom door and shut it behind him. After that he sunk down to the floor and curled his knees up to his chest, burying his head within. This isn't fair. Why did he do this to me?

**~**

After hours of moping in his room, Matt finally felt confident enough to leave and get something to eat. Of course that was after he hard the front door slam. Then he was more than positive that his father went to work.

The young teen crept into the kitchen, specifically looking for something to eat. He spotted a chocolate covered rice ball on the counter, as if it was put out to bribe him. He took the rice ball to the table and nibbled on it slowly.

"Mind if I join you?"

Matt didn't reply and went on eating. He wished so badly that he would have stayed in his room, and not bother coming out, ever.

"Don't assume I'm the bad guy because I'm the oldest."

"So I'm supposed to assume that you're the good guy?"

"No. But you shouldn't throw your friendship away with Tai because of a mistake we did. It's over Matt -- it's not going to happen any longer. I promise."

"Your promises are worth shit to me!" yelled Matt as he threw down the rice ball and left the room. "I'm going back to Mom's."

"What?"

"You heard me. I can't even look at you any more. You disgust me. You slept with a fifteen your old boy. You took my best friend's virginity away because you don't have a girlfriend. Maybe if you would spend less time away from work, somebody could actually want to be with you. Than again, I wouldn't know of anyone who would ever want to be with you now."

"Just because you are upset, doesn't give you the right to yell at me."

"It doesn't matter to be anyway. Why should I care?"

"It's obvious you do care if you keep speaking your mind like that. Besides, you are in love with Tai."

"I was just saying that so you would feel sorry for me and leave him alone. But now I don't care."

"Liar."

"You don't know me! Why did I get stuck in this situation? I want to move in with Mom. At least she would never do this to T.K., so if I go live there--"

"She doesn't want you. I know that sounds mean, but we still talk and she says that T.K. can be a hassle. I don't think she could manage the two of you."

"So what? Then I'll find another way!" Matt snapped. "Anything is better than living with you. You and your stupid lies that seem to make trouble for me."

"What trouble?"

"The trouble with Mom! I already told you, she gave me a lecture last night because you went and lied saying I was having sex with my girlfriend. What girlfriend? Sora? Like I could ever love her! Mimi? No, she lives far away. So who did I say? I said a girl from school. And if she ever asks again, I'm telling the truth! I don't care what happens to you."

"Please don't do that to me. This only began because everyone was worried about you."

"I'm fine," the blonde managed to say.

"No you aren't. Now what is this all about? I think you are love sick."

"I am not! I never want to be with a girl after Sora and I broke up."

"Exactly. So which boy are you in love with?"

Matt simply went to the doorway, slipped on some shoes and left the house, not looking back once. He felt the urge to tell someone how he felt. He usually told Tai, but now that wouldn't work. He considered going to Sora, but only for a moment. Then his mind landed on T.K., but he didn't want to lay the burden on his brother. The person Matt went to see... he didn't know why he went to this person, but he did.

The door opened up, revealing a a cinnamon haired boy half asleep. "Hi."

"Hey."

A moment of silence passed until the thirteen year old boy broke it. "Want to come in?"

"Is your sister home?"

"No. She went to the mall. My parents are out too. Want to come in?"

"I guess," Matt replied reluctantly. He wasn't sure why he felt so diffident, but nevertheless, he still followed the brunette inside.

"Take a seat. I was just catching up on some sleep."

"Oh." Matt did take a seat on the blue and white flower-patterned couch. It was soft and comfy, giving little comfort to the blonde for, he was too troubled, though it was as comfortable as can be.

"So, why are you here? T.K. told me you know about us. Are you here to beat me up?"

"No, of course not. I'm glad my brother is happy. He's flying, you know."

Davis smiled. "So am I. He told me you are troubled. Why?"

"It's Tai... my dad... everything is so confusing and I just can't take it anymore." He swallowed a sob that threatened to escape, but found tears rolling down his cheeks anyway.

"It was hard when T.K. and I first began dating. Jun found out right away. She threatened to tell my parents, and she did do that. My dad and I fought a lot, but now he can deal with it."

Matt wiped his eyes. "I wish we would fight about that. I would give anything to be fighting with my dad about mine and Tai's relationship. Too bad it's never going to happen."

"Why? I never thought T.K. loved me until I got the guts to kiss him. Then I knew everything would be fine."

"Well it's not like Tai's in love with me. He's too busy... he's too busy..."

"Did Tai and Sora hook up?"

"No, Tai's gay, I think."

"Well there you go. He's bound to be in love with you, then."

"No, I don't believe that either. Not when he's sleeping with my dad."

Davis leapt off the couch he was sitting on, not hiding his surprise. "What? How could that be? He's only fifteen... Your dad? No way!" Davis suddenly sat down. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he whispered, wiping his cheek with the sleeve of his shirt. "I walked in on them yesterday. That's why I went to T.K.'s."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Yeah. I said I'm moving out, but that's a joke. He's right about my mom not wanting to take me in -- not while she has you and T.K. to worry about. And me getting my own place? Not likely."

"I'm sorry. I'm just so shocked. I always thought that you and Tai would end up together. Maybe he does love you, Matt. He could be doing this to get closer to you."

"No, because when I blurted out I love him, he asked if I was serious. I made up some lame excuse that seemed to work. I just don't know what to do..."

"I don't know what to say."

"There isn't anything to say. I'm never gonna fly."

**~**

Author's notes: Chapter 2 shall be coming soon!! I swear it will be!

Why I wrote this fic is beyond me. Man, I cried while writing this. Seriously, I did. Anyway, please review! Please...

And vote for me!! Pretty please?!??

Thanks! ^_^