Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Secrets ❯ Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Ken walked out of the bedroom, shivering slightly at the cold. He stretched his arms and yawned, trying to remove the last bits of sleep clinging to him. He stopped when he entered the living room. He could see Daisuke sitting quietly at the window, the light of the early morning sun pouring in and caressing Daisuke's face and bare chest.

He stood rooted in place, staring at the scene before him, unable to make a sound. The minutes stretching on like hours, until the room seemed to slant slightly and the light from the window brightened everything, chasing every shadow from its hiding place. He blinked, shielding his eyes from the light and looked on to Daisuke, who didn't seem bothered by the brightness.

"Daisuke?" Ken called but the man said nothing, looking out the window with rapped attention. "Daisuke." Nothing. "Daisuke!" Still no response. Ken sighed and started to walk towards Daisuke but found himself going no where. Eight steps-eight steps from where Ken stood to the window and yet he had already made ten. He continued to move, starting to pick up speed as if the floor were a giant treadmill.

How long he had been running was lost to him, the arms of the wall clock spinning at unbelievable speeds. Ken growled and started to pick up speed, he would not be beat, and he knew he could reach the end of the treadmill if he moved faster then it. He ran, hard and fast; his mouth opening to catch mouthfuls of air.

According to the clock on the wall a new day had come forty times before Ken finally reached Daisuke. The lighting had never changed, dawn had never come and neither did dusk. It was all the same, the light almost bright enough to blind. But Ken was use to it now and he was there. He had reach Daisuke.

"Daisuke!" The redhead turned and looked at him, his brown eyes large and sad. He smiled at Ken but said nothing. Though neither could Ken and he found himself repeating the man's name over and over again. He reached out a hand but before he could touch Daisuke, long green vines explode from the ground and Ken jumped back in shock. Losing his balance and falling onto the floor where the treadmill-floor led him back to his original spot.

The vines-an intense shade of emerald green with sharp thorns-began to wrap around Daisuke. They first went around his waist, then others came, coiling his legs and arms, criss-crossing his chest, and finally twisting around his neck. Daisuke said nothing, not even when the thorns pierced his skin and Ken watched in morbid silence as the blood trickled down, staining the floor.

"Daisuke!" Ken cried, reaching a hand for him. Putting all the feeling he couldn't put into words into that one name. "Daisuke!" He wanted to help him! He could help him!

Daisuke frowned at him as if he had heard something he didn't like, the vines tightening around his body and the ones that had surrounded him rose up, slamming into the ceiling, coiling with each other, creating a wall. Chunks of the ceiling fell to the floor and Ken felt as if the whole ceiling would collapse on them.

Ken stood, his legs aching from the run, and tried to move towards the man again. This time not only did the treadmill try to hold him back, but also the vines themselves. Lashing at him as he tried to get closer. Ken cried out in pain when he was hit but didn't stop, calling Daisuke's name like a mantra, it gave him strength-helped him remember his purpose. He'd help him, he would. He'd save Daisuke, just like Daisuke saved had him.

He was back and nothing could have stopped him. He ran right to the wall of green and grabbed the vines, his hands beginning to bleed immediately. Clenching his teeth against the pain, he began to rip the vines apart but they were strong and held out for so long that after he had made a big enough hole he just crawled in instead of trying to destroy the rest.

"Daisuke…" The redhead looked at him and Ken smiled, stretching out his bloodied hand. He'd come, he'd save Daisuke. The light from the window intensified, casting a strange shadow over Daisuke.

Daisuke frowned at him and Ken couldn't understand why. The redhead stood, undeterred by the vines that clung to his skin, and moved towards Ken. He raised one hand-one vine wrapped over the palm-and pressed it against Ken's cheek. The raven-haired man flinched back at the pain, those thorns were sharp, sharper then the ones that made the wall or the ones that had lashed out at him.

"Daisuke…" He'd come to save him. He had to save him.

Daisuke smiled warmly at him, blood red tears sliding down his cheeks, and he moved closer. Wrapping his arms around Ken and pulling him closer. The light becoming more intense, the shadow becoming darker, surrounding them both and dancing like a demon at play. Ken gasped at the pain of having those thorns pressed against his chest. But he could not say anything. He embraced Daisuke back, feeling those same thorns pushing into his chest. Closer to his beating heart-the shadow dancing faster as if in a frenzy-Ken's warm blood soaking his shirt.

"Daisuke…" All went black.

***

Ken opened his eyes and looked around the room he was in. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, trying to remember exactly where he was. Then it came to him.

Daisuke's room…

He looked next to him to find that Daisuke was not there and sighed while running his hand over Daisuke's pillow. Any other day he would have smiled, but that day he didn't think he could remember how.

The raven-haired man crawled out of bed slowly as he wondered why he felt so depressed as he picked up his clothes and dressed himself. The night before had been wonderful. Daisuke had taken him to new heights of ecstasy and he had gone to sleep the warm in the arms of the man he loved. It was something out of a romance novel but he didn't care, it had felt wonderful to be in such a state of peace. But he knew there were things he was suppose to remember, things that he had to think about. Yet he didn't want to, he just wanted to think about their lovemaking. Think about how wonderful, how complete, Daisuke made him feel.

His bear feet padded silently along the cold floor as Ken tired to think of what had him in such a strange mood. He walked silently into the living room, stopping as he noticed Daisuke sitting on the windowsill. He blinked at the feeling of déjà vu. He looked at the man before him for a few seconds until the clouds that were hiding the sun moved away and the sun's rays streamed in through the window, illuminating Daisuke.

Ken gasped, his eyes opening wide as the dream came back to him. He could remember it so clearly now, the dream that always tormented him at night and he forgot in the morning. That same horrible dream that made him wake up screaming and not remember why. Now he remembered. Every little detailed forever burned in his mind; he'd never forget it. But what did it mean? The dream didn't have just one ending, but multiple ones…some he rather not think about and others more confusing then the dream itself.

Ichijouji Ken was not one to believe in premonitions but this was getting strange.

"Oo kii yo, un…" Daisuke's voice brought Ken out of his thoughts and he looked at the man to see him chatting idly on the cordless phone. He took another step deeper into the living room, slowly and carefully as if testing. Daisuke looked over at him smiled brightly and waved a hello. Ken smiled back and walked over to him, a feeling of relief washing over him, and sat down next to Daisuke whom was still on the phone.

"Otousan!" Daisuke exclaimed. "Please don't say things like that! It's too awkward. Iya! I'm not ashamed, just embarrassed!"

Ken watched the redhead chuckle as he talked to his father. His mind was still on the dream. What did it mean? He had died in the one he had last night. That one had not been as worse as the others though. Now that he actually was able to remember one dream all of them were flowing out like water from a dam. There were ones where he did not die, ones where he was able to hold Daisuke without pricking himself with the sharp thorns that accompanied every dream. In those dreams Daisuke would hold him back sorrowfully as said thorns would wrap around the both of them, tightening their grips on the two men as they bled slowly towards their death.

It always ends that way…death…it's almost inevitable. It was as inevitable as his not being able to talk in those dreams. He was never able to ask what was happening. To tell Daisuke that he was trying to help him. He could never say anything, anything beyond the redhead's name that is. It was too strange, just like the green vines.

Always green, a deep emerald green.

"Daisuke has an issue with that color!"

"What color?"

"Green. Haven't you noticed? The green in his paintings glow of terror, that color traumatized that boy."

"Don't you think your seeing too much into this, Takeru?"

"Ken, seriously, you need to get your head out of the clouds."

Green always green. So Takeru had been right? He seemed to know Daisuke better then Ken and this hurt the dark haired man. They were both Daisuke's best friends, why did Takeru know him better? Why did it seem like Ken knew nothing about the man before? And what about the things he did know about Daisuke; were they really true or just figments of his imagination? Did he really know Motomiya Daisuke?

No. He did not know Motomiya Daisuke. Neither of them did. They only knew small parts of him. Little pieces that only made up half of the picture. Daisuke would not let them see the whole picture.

Maybe those dreams told him something that he was not seeing. Dreams are a link to the subconscious, why couldn't they be a link to something that his conscious mind had yet to pick up, something that was floating around the back of his conscious mind and was manifesting in these dreams. The constant running and feeling like he was going no where, that made sense. He had been feeling that since his conversation with Takeru and maybe even before that. The color green which seemed to be the symbol of all that was evil in Daisuke's eyes, or so Takeru said. The fact that he could never say what he really wanted to say-what he needed to say to Daisuke. And the death that it always ended in.

"If I must die, I want it to be him that kills me".

He had said those words when speaking to his brother that day at the graveyard. And didn't he always die in Daisuke's arms in those dreams? So did it mean that he would end up losing his life if he continued this way? No, it was not a literal death. At least he did not think it was. It probably was a figurative death. Maybe the death of his soul. But why would his soul die in Daisuke's arms, that was where it would feel more live!

The green vines he could not explain. He supposed they were in the dream because of what Takeru kept saying. But the rest seemed to make sense now that he thought about it enough. He was going no where because he would not speak with Daisuke about the important things. These kinds of confrontations scared him, but in his dreams he continued on. Fighting through the vines, ignoring the pain, but still he could not speak to Daisuke…

Shit, almost had it that time…

"Suma na, Ken." Ken blinked and looked at Daisuke who had finally finished with his conversation. "I was going to make breakfast for you before you got up but otousan called and…"

"No problem." Ken smiled back. "You don't have to do anything."

Daisuke shock his head, scooting closer to Ken and raising his hands to run his fingers through raven tresses. "It's my duty to please you."

Ken blushed lightly, moving closer to the warm touches. Though he could not stop thinking about his dream. Still trying to decipher it, still trying to understand. He knew he had to talk to him. Had to tell him…what? How? He was so confused. He felt so many things, wanted to say so many things. He wanted to convey his feelings to Daisuke. To let him know that he would always be there for him. Maybe love could conquer all. Was he really that naïve for believing that?

"Daisuke…" Ken looked at the man before him. He had to talk to him. Tell him how he felt. If Daisuke knew just how deeply he felt for him then maybe he'd be able to open up more. He'd know that Ken loved him so deeply that he would never betray Daisuke's trust.

And maybe it's time anyway. Time to tell him how I really feel about him.

"Yes?" Daisuke's fingers continued to run through Ken's hair, helping him relax.

"Daisuke, boku wa…" He took a deep breath and turned his head slight so that he was looking straight at Daisuke, who had now lowered his hands. "Daisuke, ai shiteru…ai shirteru."

Daisuke's eyes widened. "…love me?"

"You're going to end up hurting him, Daisuke, he loves you!"

"I have no intention of hurting him."

"But your doing it. Intentional or not, you are going to hurt him"

"Yes, I love you Daisuke." Blue eyes stared straight into brown. "Love you so much it can be painful. Ai shiteru Motomiya Daisuke."

"Shun…?"

"I like it!"

"What's the point of naming him? He's no different then the rest."

"Sure he isn't. But I want to call him that. It's better then calling out a number."

"Then fine, call him Shun. You hear that it's your name now, Shun. Answer to it, like you do your number."

"Wakata…"

Ken was in love with Motomiya Daisuke.

"Can I really have any name I like?"

"Yup, any name you like!"

"I like the name Daisuke."

"Then get use to it, cause that's who you are now!"

Ichijouji Ken loved Motomiya Daisuke. Some how that didn't sound real. But it was real. Ken had said it with the utmost sincerity. He loved Daisuke with all his heart.

"You're going to end up hurting him!"

"Shun never go against me. Always remember your place in life. The place that I gave you, the one I will never let you leave."

Daisuke shook his head. He was trembling. He stood up and walked a few steps away from Ken. The dark haired man called his name. He was worried. Daisuke didn't look at Ken. He could not look at Ken. Takeru had been right…He should have listened. Now he was going to do something that he had never done before, something that he had always believed he had no right to do.

"Ken, you can't-"

"But I do."

"No!" He regretted it the moment he said it. "No…you can't and I can't. And maybe we shouldn't even…"

"Daisuke, don't you dare!" Ken's voice trembled slightly and Daisuke heard him stand up and walk towards him. Daisuke moved away. "Is it that your not ready for it. Was it too much for this point in our relationship." Daisuke noted the plea in the man's voice.

"No. Suma na, Ken, I don't think we should…continue this. I just don't think-"

"Daisuke-"

"-we ever should've started in the first place-"

"Don't you feel anything for me, Daisuke?" Ken moved closer, reaching for Daisuke but the redhead moved away. Daisuke looked away from him again, not answering any of Ken's questions. Ken bit his lip, there were so many feelings coursing through him.

Betrayal. Pain. Lose.

He looked up at Daisuke who had his back to him and ran a hand through his hair, moving it away from his eyes. He hurt. His conversation with Takeru coming back to him. Takeru had been right. To Daisuke this was just another notch on his headboard of broken relationships. Ken could feel the anger rushing up overriding the pain.

"I never meant anything to you, did I?" Ken asked quietly, fist tightening. Daisuke didn't reply. "Why'd you agree then Daisuke? Tell me damnit! If you had no intention of going anywhere with this-with us-then why agree to it in the first place!"

Still Daisuke didn't reply or even look at him. His eyes closed tightly and his fingers gripped his forearms almost painfully. Daisuke didn't want to look at Ken, didn't want to see it. He should have said nothing, should never had said those words. He failed…he failed…he was a failure. He truly was worthless. The Motomiyas were wrong. Daisuke was worthless, just like He had said.

"So were you playing with me?" Ken continued after some silence, his voice quivered with pain and anger. "Was it just for the sex?"

"Sex…" Daisuke mumbled quietly to himself. Wasn't it always for the sex? The whole world revolved around it. Beauty, money, and sex.

"What a beautiful boy you are. No wonder you're so costly."

Ken stared at him, eyes brimming with tears. "Didn't I mean more to you then that! Aren't I more important then just that! I thought I was more important to you then a good fuck! We've been close for so long, is that all you ever wanted form me? Answer me, Daisuke!"

Daisuke turned and looked at Ken for the first time. All the pain he was in was so evident for anyone to see. Daisuke bit his lip, remembering the promise he had made with Takeru. Never to hurt Ken, to make sure Ken was never in any more emotional pain. He had promised Takeru and he had promised Ken. He broke his promise…he had hurt Ken so badly without meaning too. He was so sorry for breaking his promise.

"I'm sorry." He looked away, unable to stare any longer at the man before him.

So stupid. So worthless.

Ken's eyes closed tightly and he took many deep, shaky breaths before he could open them again. By then Daisuke face had become completely blank. He didn't care. Daisuke didn't care about him…he had meant nothing. Just another notch on the headboard, just like Hikari. And just like her he had ended up hurting himself. But unlike her it had not been Ken to finish it, it had been Daisuke. A first. He was the first…he meant even less then the others had. Daisuke didn't want to wait for him to end it. He had ended it…

He looked at Daisuke once more before walking past him and out the door. He never wanted to see him again. The idea hurt too much bare…