Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Tai Live: PikaFlash's World DX ❯ Tai Live 9 ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Truth: We have decided to come clean with the truth as we have been occassionally guilty
of using Anime characters to represent the whole Anime World. The following speeches and
sketches are delievered by Anime characters. We apologise for not being like Survivor or Big
Brother...

**

On this Tai Live Episode:

*Kari: President Goku and Vice-President Vegeta will tell the public about the budget the
Goverment has planned...*

Goku: The work of the President and Vice-President is never ending...

*Kari: Vegeta decided to distract the Taiora fans by doing a ventriloquist act...*

Vice-President Vegeta was behind President Goku...

Goku: As the matter of fact, I just want to say that Saban must pay for its crimes for ruining
Power Rangers...

*Kari: President Goku face charges to an old man...*

Old man: On TV, you said you promise us old people our $1000. You're a liar.

Goku: I'm not.

Old man: You're a liar.

Goku: I'm not.

**

Tai Live 9: PikaFlash's World DX
By PikaFlash Tai at taichi_yagami_zero@yahoo.com.au

Opening Theme:

Tai and Kari were walking in the corridors of the Tai Live Studios...

Tai: Guess what?

Kari: What?

Tai: We're going to have an uncensored interview with Ash...

Kari: Really?

Tai: Yep...

Then Tai and Kari sees Matt at a corner...

Tai: Hi Matt...

Matt: About time you got rid of the !@#$ing censor.

Tai: Huh?

Matt: I mean that this really !@#$ing creeps me up with that !@#$ing editor Izzy around...

Kari: But Matt, it isn't the show that's going to be uncensored...

Matt: Oh. Awww !@#$! I can't !@#$ing believe that it's a !@#$ing misunderstanding...*Matt
walks off*

Tai: What's with him?

Kari: Don't know. Possibally some mother!@#$er name Izzy is !@#$ing things up.

Tai gives a shocked look at the camera...

Kari: Come on, don't be surprised...

Tai: You got a point...

Matt returns holding a Saliormoon Shape silver and gold award...

Matt: Look what Tai Live won in the Anime Awards...

Tai: Errr, Matt, Tai Live didn't win any award yet...it hasn't even started..

Matt: Oh $#!+, that means that Queen Serenity is definitely going to be p!$$ed...

Why DX?: The crew wanted to make Deluxe scenes, enjoyment and spaces...

Disclaimers: All characters, scenes, songs and stuff belong to their respective owners...

*Important message: Tai Live now has Yahoo messenger so that you can speak to any member from
the Tai Live crew if you have a yahoo ID...*

Cast:
Taichi Yagami
Hikari Yagami
Yamato Ishida

Discriptions of the possible scenes in Tai Live:

Opening Theme: Self-explained, Tai and a (few) Random character(s) would do a funny sketch for
as the Opening Theme of the episode...

Taiing with Tai: An interview where Tai will try to question Anime characters on topics of
Romance, Friendship, knowledge and more!!!

Spidey-Tai: aka. the "My Anime/Video Game Character sense's tingling" scene, and Tai will save
the character from mishaps and dangerous accidents...

Super Tai BOX: Originally meant to be the Tai Live Music video thingy, this is another of the
newest editions, where not only Tai (and a few other characters) gets to play as other
singers, but also, play as characters in a movie or even a VIDEO GAME!!! Whoever Tai dresses
will be enough to scare the daylights out of Bill Gates, the Nintento, Sony, Sega and the US
Presidents and even The Digimon Emperor!!!!!*Note: Or maybe that was just a joke, don't take
any offense, guys...*

The Mobile Tai-Live: The newest Feature, where Tai or Kari will be traveling around Japan,
America or Australia to get a glimspe of the popularity of Digimon(or join in with the
festival that's taking place)...

What the...: Tai and gang will find weird things that are picked up from the ground and may
have a curious puppy look on the object...as Tai introduces the object to the public...

Guest Star/Author: Tai will ask an author that will do something secret for the episode...and
Tai will ask the Star/Author to make an apperance and do the scene...oh and btw, we can't
gurantee as the choices are random...heheheheheheheh...

True or False: This is not like truth or dare, but it's more like a quiz show kind of thing...

The "(insert Digidestined's name)" award: The award for people who do strange things over the
best recently seen Anime episodes...

The Space: Gatomon, Patamon, TK and Kari will be doing the spaces of the fic, which is
self-explained, that it's to use up the extra space...

Final Scene: This is where Izzy comes in, sometimes, Izzy will be seen in this part of the fic
(The end of the fic), and he will consider anything Digimon related, but for somethings won't
be considered as Digimon...sometimes you may not see Izzy, instead, you'll see Mrs. Sora
Yagami instead...

*Special: Tai, Matt, Kari and the crew's behind*

Ten things you didn't know about Tai:
1. Doubled Blackwargreymon during his memorial
2. Donated a Kidney (Someone elses) to Joe Kido's research
3. Is a self-confessed addict to goggles
4. Has only one leg
5. Studied in Italy under a person called Stefan Sigfried(literally)
6. Has only one arm
7. Is the daughter of Richie Backbreaker
8. Was once working as a Grave robber
9. Was once one of the commanders in the Japanese Army in Fake World War 2
10. Can defy gravity

The 10 Things Matt must not say to TK Takaishi while catching up during Christmas...
1. "Hey TK, why the long face?"
2. "Now TK, last time I spoke to you I asked you to pass on my regards to Senator Mimi
Tachikawa, did you actually do it?"
3. "It's bloody hot in here, let's go outside and eat cheese on the verandah."
4. "Stop your moaning, TK and grow up."
5. "How long have you been wearing sandals?"
6. "One more wise crack like that TK and I'll put on 'Temptation Island 2'."
7. "Ouch, that hurt TK. It's dangerous to hit people in the face when they're drinking from
a basket of balls, or any basket for that matter."
8. "You're acting like a real jacka$$ now TK, I think I'm going to ask you to leave now.
You've made Kari cry, she wasn't hurting anyone, so please leave."
9. "TK, your cab is here, please put the pot plant down and get outta my house!"
10. "See you next year, mate!"

Ten things called "apologies" that Kari wants to say:
1. I was learning to fly a Mig when I accident killed my co-pilot, Davis.
2. I slipped over banana milkshake and knocked down Jun.
3. I wrote a book about a detective who is made out of clay when I realised that Tai has a
blue clay as a character in a segment.
4. I got locked in my own car due to the Chile Saftry lock. It was really strange, since I
was suffering road rage at that time.
5. I have been giving tips to people at the cow races...well, maybe those in Europe."
6. I was killed in a Cell phone accident.
7. Ever since I recently got the name Hikari "Velvet Dark" Yagami, I have been trying to look
for Joanna Dark for a job at the institute.
8. I made an unsuccessful bid to enter the Anime Original Song Contest with a song called
"My Leg Ain't Broke It's Just A Little Old (Due To A Cell Phone Accident)"
9. I've been held hostage by a bunch of Rebels who were demanded the re-introduction of
fingerless gloves in fashion magazines...
10. I rang Yolei to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and I've been put on hold ever since...

Ten things you must know why Izzy wants to join Ash:
1. I don't give him a damn about his fledgling comedy career.
2. I continually remind him that he out-acted Le DiCapitated in the final series of Extreme
Survivor.
3. I never told Misty how Ash really felt about her.
4. I tell him that the cap he likes to wear to BBQ's suits him.
5. I always call him on his birthday (by accident a couple of times).
6. When I saw Ash punch President Goku in the face I pretended not to see.
7. I've stopped prank calling him.
8. I recognize the creative and structural differences between Digimon and Pokemon.
9. I still call him 'Captain Ash'.
10. He pays better than Tai.

Ten things Sora didn't get to say to Tai:

1. "Nice goggles, Tai"
2. "Don't join the Travelling D-destined's Tai, I have a bad feeling about it"
3. "Why do you hate David Beckham so much Taichi?"
4. "Have you got that twenty bucks you owe me and my "Teenage Wolves" CD? I'm just not sure
when I'll see you again"
5. "I'm sorry Tai, could you take off your shoes, the carpet has just been dry cleaned"
6. "Tai, do you know how hard it is to get red wine out of shag pile?"
7. "Hey Tai, why don't you come over here and show me why they call you Taichi?"
8. "You should do a medley of Pokemon songs, the kids will love it"
9. "Tai, what does love feel like?"
10."The fact that you're considering a vegan life does not change a thing between
me and you ol' buddy"

*

Tai is on stage...

Tai: Ok, let's begin. Who watched the oscars? Well, I didn't because I was busy watching a
docoumentary on snakes. But due to the fact that I kinda get delayed telecasts, it's pretty
hard not to hear the results, like, "RUSSEL CROWE GOT THE BEST ACTOR AWARD" driving by...now,
that's a drive by spoiler, and espically when during a daylight robbery, the robber would
say, "Give me the money in the cash register or I'll tell the Oscars results!!!" and the shop
owner would say, "He's bluffing." And, "Alright, U-571 got the best award in sound effects."
"Oh my god!!! Give him the cash register!!!!" Anyway, I hope you had a great time watching
the Oscars...cause this will try to become better than the Oscars!!!! Anyway, in other topics,
when Mir was meant to land, there was suppose to have a marker for the landing...but
unfortunetely, NASA remembered only 2 things can be seen clearly from space, The Great Wall
of China and Goku's hair. Now wouldn't that be odd if we see Mir in Goku's hair?

*Tai on "Napster"*

Tai: In the old days, people who wanted free music can stand in an elevator, put on hold on
the phone or if you're lucky, hear the ice cream van. Now, there's Nappy. The free software
where people who can't get a radio...well, maybe those who threw them out of the window due to
boring advertisements, but the main thing is that ultimately Napster is about sharing. Sure
it's sharing something that isn't yours to share... but it's still sharing. And I don't think
there's enough sharing in the world that we can deny it in any form.

*

Tai Note: The Studio apologises that due to budget ristrictions, we are forced to repeat
material six times instead of the usual three...

*

Tai Note: The Studio apologises that due to budget ristrictions, we are forced to repeat
material six times instead of the usual three...oh please stay. There's only four more...

*

Tai Note: The Studio apologises that due to budget ristrictions, etc.

*Kari on "Lost in Space"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: Son Goten is planning on becoming tourist in space by paying US$10 million for the ride
to the Anime Space station in space but the Cardcaptors are pressuring Goten to withdraw. The
Cardcaptors spokesperson is Sakura Avalon and the Space Station's spokesperson is Akazukin
Chacha. Firstly, Miss Avalon, why don't you want Goten to be onboard the Space Station?

*Sakura and Chacha are in diffrent Super Tai BOXes*

*Sakura: What Goten has to understand that money can't buy everything in the Anime World,
except if you want to be a president of a territory of course.*

*Chacha: Aww come on! For years you tell us to do things your way and now when we do, you
complain. It's not fair, at the end of Digimon 01, the Digimons have gone off to do something,
this is Mr. Son's last chance.*

*Sakura: Kari, we have to draw the line somewhere. Do you really think it's safe to have an
Anime Character to be floating at zero G's?*

*Chacha: Maybe, maybe not, but at 20, 000 G's is worth the risk for US$10 million.*

Kari: Miss Chacha, is the Anime Space station program really under-funded that it needs money
from a rich guy from the Dragonball Z territory?

*Chacha: We need money from anybody, Kari. Next door to our territory, the only Dragonball we
could find is 1 with the technology we have.

Kari: But couldn't a passanger compromise the saftey of the Space Station?

*Chacha: We're talking about technology we dug up from underground, so saftey is already
compromised, so why not make some easy money.*

*Sakura: I can hear it in the comlink now, "Ahh, Huston, we have a credit problem."*

*Chacha: This is the best we could do for the future, "Space Tourism", or the like, Kari.
Besides, the Cardcaptors should treat Mr. Son as a First Class passenger.*

*Sakura: Right, so Goten will get a cusion chair while our own astronauts in another space
station sit on nothing drinking Orange Tang, he's watching "Trafic" while the other astronauts
watch "Dude, where's my car?"*

Kari: Miss Avalon, haven't the Space Station signalled a way of the future with Space Travel?

*Sakura: Look, we didn't plan to conquer space just so that some Martial artist come along and
make a buck out of it.*

Kari: But Dragonball Z have beaten you the idea of conquering space and making money out of
Space Tourists.

*Sakura: It's not about money, Kari. All we want to do is freely admit that Space travel
is pointless, so why not make some cash. All we're just saying is that it's not safe yet.*

Kari: And what could make the travels safer?

*Sakura: Adding another three zeros to the cheque would be a start. Then fly with us. Our
record is much better, except for the teachers.*

Kari: I think we'll leave it there.

*Taichi on "Dubbed Cuts"*

Tai: What the *beep*? Ever wonder why there are a few things missing in some Dubbed Animes?
Well, due to the fact that it's money. Money is the only way to censor things. They censor
things for money. But now, people aren't very happy with the censoring. Once upon a time,
parents are glad of censoring for the kids. Now, when there's censoring, what's going on
with the story? Basically, the usual victims are Pokemon, Dragonball Z, Saliormoon and
Cardcaptor Sakura, just to name a few that they give us. Ah, to hell with the censoring, just
put it at a time when the kiddies are asleep, ok?

*

Patamon enters the clinic with one hand in his jacket and stands in a queue...

After a few minutes, Patamon looks around the room and uses his other hand to pull out an
extendable hand and slips to the wall and pinches the guy with the cap's butt in front of the
paitent in front of Patamon...

Ash *feeling the pinch and faces Tai*: What the? Why did you pinch me in the butt?

Tai: I didn't pinch you...

Ash and Tai ended up in a fight as they walk off to a corner and beat themselves up and
Patamon cuts the queue and stands behind a kid and his mother...as Patamon borrows the kid's
Stuffed-Goku and tossed it to a corner...as the kid pulled his mother out of the queue,
leaving Patamon in the front...

Nurse(Played by Kari): Yes, can I help you?

Patamon whispers to Kari...

Kari: Ok. Pick a ticket and wait for your number.

Patamon picks a ticket and waits as he sits next to a girl covered in bandages...

Patamon: Hi.

As Patamon checks the time on his watch on the arm hidden by a jacket and pulled out a hand
in a jar of candies...then he read his number, 87, and as he sees the sign, it says 45.

Patamon sees the Bandaged girl and sees the number 65...and swipes it from her as he waits,
and the number's 58...

Patamon: I got an idea...

As Patamon sneaks to the sign, he turned it upside down...the number changed to 59 upside
down (or a 65 on a digital counter)...Patamon tried to get up but the bandaged girl grabbed
Patamon and the next number became 09, then Kari turned it back right-side up...

*

Back at the studio...

Tai: What the?

*

When the number reached, Kari calls out the number and the bandaged girl motions to the
nurse that her ticket was on the floor and the nurse understood and took the bandaged girl
away...

Later, as Patamon woke up, he relises that he "lost" the ticket, he got up to the queue and
stands behind Tai with an armsling and a black eye behind Ash with a bandaged head and on
crutches...as Patamon uses his freehand with the pincher stick...

Ash: OUCH! You again!

Both Ash and Tai both did the usual "I swing my hands so that I can hit you and you can't hit
me" stunt as they go to a corner and bash each other up...

Patamon: I'm back for a ticket...*Patamon takes out a ticket and it reads 3000, then Patamon
angrilly dumps the ticket in the bin, only to have his other hand stuck inside, and he has to
grab a ticket with his mouth...and waited*

*Kari on "Digi-Bills"*

Kari: Digimon and FOX in the senate have united in attempting to pass a bill that will allow
Digimon to ignore any treaties with the DBZ territory in terms of domestic adminstrative
decisions. I'm joined by one of the writers of the bill, Yolei Inoue. Miss Inoue, why is it
that Digimon is trying to avoid the treaties?

*Yolei is in the Super Tai BOX*

*Yolei: I don't know what you mean?*

Kari: Doesn't this bill allow FOX to avoid going to any DBZ conventions?

*Yolei: It means that they can just come and go at the conventions, without running
the rulebooks every 5 minutes.*

Kari: But FOX signed those rulebooks. Aren't we obligned to abide by them?

*Yolei: You're putting far too much importance on a piece of paper. Think of signing a
treaty like signing a co-worker's Birthday card. You know, "Tai, all the best, love Sora",
when you actually think Tai is a complete tool who you wouldn't trust for advice on which end
of a match to light. The same thought applies to interterritorial treaties.*

Kari: Why do we sign them, if we can just ignore them.

*Yolei: Look, don't think of a treaty as like a legally binding contract. Think of it more
like the Banks Code of Conduct, or the journalist's Code of Ethics. We're all for it until
it actually affects us.*

Kari: So, you have no problem signing the interterritorial treaties?

*Yolei: Kari, we refer signing a treaty as "sealed with a kiss"*

Kari: I don't see the connection.

*Yolei: Lip service.*

Kari: Thanks for your time.

*Yolei: I'll just ignore that.*

*The Dictonary of Anime Distributors*

in session: A time when Anime distributors ask questions with the answers they already know
or comparing paychecks and tax-free medical services...

*

Tai: Here's the round up of the news in the Anime World since last year...

Kari: Capsule Corp space experts say they have proof that they have found a planet that was
once teeming with bacteria living in shallow pools...

Tai: Finally, a planet we can conquer with Spray and Wipe.

Kari: Police suggested that a drive-in shooting in a Kanto Police Station was a copy-cat
crime after a scene from the Monster Food Shop series...

Tai: This was further substatiated when a series of Digimon vampire slaying's was discovered
after a recent episode of Buffy.

Kari: A million-dollar research ball launched by the Capsule corp came quickly back to earth
due to a mysterious leak and landed on Kanto's Mt. moon...

Tai: The Police hope to investigate the leak as soon as they are done with the leak at the
local TV station.

Kari: The first "Real-life" robot baby Doll is ready to be sold worldwide in the Anime
World...

Tai: The doll's name is Sakura Kinomoto.

Kari: Children are now legally allowed to sue Parents in the Anime World for giving them
offensive names like "Brock Blockhead", "Sakura Avalon" and "Trunks Briefs"...

Tai: If that doesn't work, they are also legally allowed to sue the Anime Dubbers.

Kari: A beer truck overturned and turned the North Coast into an unlikely treasure hunt after
dropping thousands of bottle into the river...

Tai: Prompting a community's sudden interest in SCUBA, Self-Contained Underwater Beer
Accumulation.

Kari: Team Rocket has instituted emergency anti-drug measures after tests revealed the use
of ecstasy among soldiers has skyrocketed.

Tai: Apparently the sudden urge to dance is not conducive to tossing a Pokeball.

Kari: Arcanines now have more bite than bark after a trip to the Pokemon Center has seen them
fitted with titanium teeth to improve their performance.

Tai: The bonus is they can also open their own tins of dog food.

Kari: Pokemon Trainer Tracey Sketchit has been arrested on drug charges prompting the
producers of Pokemon to fire him.

Tai: Makes you think that's why he did it.

Kari: A champion Pokemon breeder in Pewter has been fined for growing marijurna plants
to provide seeds to feed his bird Pokemon.

Tai: One of the monsters was also reprimanded for turning his water bowl into a bong.

Kari: The Flying Saucer Bureau of the Digi-World has come to an end after 50 years due to
lack of sightings. Their founder has suggested that perhaps the extraterrestrials have
finished their study of Earth.

Tai: Or perhaps Digimons are finally beginning to recognise aeroplanes.

Kari: Scientists are celebrating the discovery of a new species of Pokemon that live
70 metres below the surface.

Tai: Reacting to the news, Mr. Gio announces cull.

Kari: Capsule Corp has claimed that within six years they could have a space hotel ready for
those couples wanting to make love in weightless conditions.

Tai: Not only will it be hard getting in with the mood with no atmosphere, but in space...no
one can hear love songs.

Kari: Researchers have suggested that depression in women is based more on biology then more
stressful lives.

Tai: Turns out the biological factor that depresses them most is men.

Kari: It's been reported that staff at a Pokemon medical centre are to be paid in manure.

Tai: Apparently their only other choice was the Japanese Yen.

Kari: Team Rocket are freezing tissue samples of every example of Pokemon they can think
of for use in future research.

Tai: While most people assume cloning will be a concern, they will more likely end up as
novelty ice cubes at the annual Christmas party.

Kari: Snorlax's strange diet continues to test Nurse Joys after it swallowed a toilet spring.
They are contemplating super gluing everything down as a solution to the problem.

Tai: Of course a little dab on the lips would be simpler.

Kari: A Swiss study has reported that men tend to underestimate their weight and overestimate
their height.

Tai: Which explains plans to incorporate a scale and tape measure into the Swiss army knife.

Kari: The cry has gone up again to have successful Pokemon Trainers repay their development
money after reports that Ash Ketchum has hit the big time, earning over 4 million dollars in
sponsorship deals.

Tai: Earning money and not paying her bills... ah he's still an idiot at heart.

Kari: In Australia's Sydney's Luna Park roller coaster, the Big Dipper, is to be packed up
and sent to Dreamworld on the Gold Coast.

Tai: Apparently reassembling it will be the last big task for the Big Brother contestants.

*Matt on "being your own Anime Distributor"*

Matt: Don't you ever wonder how do these guys show Animes? Well, if you ever read this way,
you can make easy *takes out a roll of money* Cash! That's right, Cash. Why not create your
own Distribution services and take the challenge. The idea for your policy is that of a sheer
genius. Maybe you can make "Victims of the 4Kids censoring group distribution." or
the "Cardcaptor Sakura must start on Japanese Episode 1 Distribution". Now before you can
rush off and start becoming a distributor, you'll be dissapointed to learn the rules you must
abide by.

Rule 1: The name of the distributing services can be no longer than 10 words, which rules out
the "We Put A Lot Of Thought Into Our Policies Than Coming Up With A Short Name Distribution
Group".

Rule 2: Nothing obscene. So if your Distribution group's theme is on what other Distributors
can do with the nearest Anime, you might rethink a bit.

Rule 3: The most important one. You need either 500 signatures from members of the general
public or members of many Otaku clubs, so go to those Otacons dressed in the Anime character
whose Anime you want to distribute and you'll be done quicker than you can say, "4Kids is
going to ban another Pokemon episode". Or the altnative is the signature of an executive of
a distributor group, so if you are the paitent type, wait outside the distribution building
with a good camera and high speed film and you'll be able to get support from some
"hardworking" executive in return for the negatives.

Matt: With these rules in mind, go out and start your own distributing service. The only thing
preventing you having your mail redirected to the Distribution building is votes from other
distributors. Good luck.

*Kari on "Superhero secrets"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: Today, we'll see that things in the Anime World isn't what it should be, so we'll now
meet a student, a superhero that says "In the name of the moon, I will punish you" and a
queen...

*The Super Tai Box reveals a blonde girl sitting in the middle chair with 2 empty chairs
on the sides...*

Kari: We seem to have a problem.

*Serena: No, I'm here.*

Kari: Which one are you?

*Serena: I'm the one who says stuffs. Provided if you watch Salior Moon.*

Kari: Which you did?

*Serena: In the name of the moon, I will punish you.*

Kari: The Moon doesn't pay you. Where does the money come in?

*Serena: Ah, you see, even superheroes get paid if they hand in the bad guys. That's where the
real money is.*

Kari: Which is?

*Serena: The usual "Dead or Alive" and "Reward" posters.*

Kari: Don't you take student apprentienceships?

*Serena: Yes, I used one of Rini's friends.*

Kari: Can you tell us why you can make money?

*Serena: Well, I have two advantages. I'm a global monopoly.*

Kari: And the other?

*Serena: I'm a person to do business with as every last cent counts in my job.*

Kari: I'm impressed...

*Serena: And I'm a queen.*

Kari: Thank you for your time.

*Serena: Thank you for telling me where the Negaverse hides out.*

*Matt on "WWF"*

Matt: I hope you people will remember people like Hulk Hogan or Bret "The Hitman" Hart from
WWF. Basically, my point is that will we see wrestlers like Li "the cardcaptor" Syaoran or
the Big Trunks. Usually, it's just Animes with teenagers as some of the stars but a certain
Video-Game related senior student, changed from the usual school uniform into a classy outfit,
to dispose of some of his clones is not one who would normally associates with the world of
distributing Animes. Is it a good thing? Maybe. Now when Pokemon is on the ropes it can be
rescued by a man in tights and if Digimon isn't performing it can slammed it into the
turnbuckle or when Monster Rancher falters, it can be given a wake up call known as the
German Suplex. But what if it turns out a bad thing. Wouldn't it be ironic just to lost a
headgear like a cap, goggle or bandanna by fighting people who don't even bother wearing one?
Let's face it. If anyone's Dubbed Anime can take a heavy pounding and fall, it's probably
faking it.

*

Tai is on stage with Izzy, Kari and Matt and Sora...

Tai: Anyway...

Izzy was playing with the toy gun that makes a lot of sounds...

Tai: IZZY!! Don't make me confiscate that!

Izzy stopped...

Tai: Anyway, Izzy, want to try this. *grabs a garden spray and spray Izzy some liquid*

Izzy: What are you doing?

Tai: Just testing to see if this garden spray is toxic or not.

Izzy: Well...*starts to choke*

Tai: And that's all for now...

Izzy: Medic!!!!

*

At a hospital, Yolei was sitting on a chair waiting at the casualty waiting room, when Tai
appeared...

Tai: I'm sorry, but you husband is gone.

Yolei cried on Tai's shoulder...until she steps one foot back...

Yolei: Are you having an erection?

Tai: No, it's a belt buckle, a very big belt buckle.

*Tai on "Reality TV"*

Tai was in a bar...

Tai: Ok, if you ever watch a few Reality TV shows, you'll notice that you can make a group
up and watch them fight! Basically, the point of me on "Reality" TV is to make my own version
of people getting voted off. Well, let's say that we make another world with 100 Anime
Characters with the existing ratios the same and using a bit of the money we got from the
Studio's account and we will have this show called "Project Anime"...

There are 57 Pokemon/Digimon characters, 21 Cardcaptors, 14 fellas from DBZ/Saliormoon and 8
Tenchi characters...

52 are female, and 48 are male...

6 people will possess Project Anime's wealth, and all 6 will be from either Digimon or
Pokemon...

There will be 89 hetros and 11 homos...

80 will live in substantial housing and 70 will be unable to read...

50 will suffer from malnutrition, one will be near-death, one will be near-birth, one will
have a university education and one would own a computer...

What do you think? Well, if you think that's good, guess again, we can only see it for
half-hour each day...but the best part is the Cash Prize. After all, its not Reality TV if
there's no cash prize. Anyway, where's Izzy? It's his turn to shout. *Tai looks around the
bar* Damn that Weak Link, Izzy!!!

*Jerry Springler: A Watermelon fell on my head while proposing*

Tai: This is what happened when I was proposing to Sora when this happened...

Tai gets on his knees infront of Sora and then Matt appeared and dropped a watermelon on his
head and as Tai was restrained by the sercurity, Matt runs away...

*Tai on Mimi's Media*

Tai: Senator Mimi Tachikawa has admitted that she spent $350,000 over a year, monitoring what
the media were saying about her. $350,000! For that sort of money she could have printed her
own newspaper, full of really nice things about her. Look, I understand that when you're a
Senator you have to make some tough decisions - like whether to spend $350,000 on more like
monitoring Distributors like WB or FOX or make the translators translate faster for Dubbed
Animes or monitor new episodes from Japan.

Tai looks around the room...

Tai: But I'd better not say any more about Mimi, otherwise she'll have to spend another few
thousand dollars of your money to have the show monitored. And we can't have that.

*

Sora's voice: Welcome to Sora's Digimon Adventure 01 call line,
if you want to know how big Tai really is, press 1
if you want to know Matt's status, press 2
if you want to sue Izzy in court, press 3
if you want to know where the weak-link Joe is, press 4
if you want to see how much Senator Mimi is a b!+c#, press 5
if you want to kick the little kid known as TK, press 6
if you want to have a catfight with Kari, press 7
if you want to meet me, press 8, 9 or 0, but who cares because I won't answer...

Sora's voice: Thank you for calling Sora's Digimon Adventure 01 call line.

*Tai Ads*

In a few days, it will be the Anime Christmas and new year celebrations. Guess what will
you have if you missed the big party, you can go to the Senate building to party and
have a big happy hour. Or if you missed the big show, you could go to WB and FOX as they
have a joint party and make a big fireworks display. Hurry and call now...

(Note: Not avalible to members of the public)

*

Tai was on stage...

Tai: I would want to say that it was a pretty big disappointment on the past 2 episodes of
"The Weakest Link" espically with one of them showing the whole group of cowards voting off
the strongest link, leaving 2 weaklinks with what happened in yesterdays one...

-Courtesy of The Weakest Link-

Sabrina(Host): Now, Ash, why did you want to vote off Sakura?

Ash: Because she reminds me of you.

-

Tai: It got worst later in the episode...

-The final round, Ash was against Li in the final part for banking in money to the group's
account-

Sabrina: Ash, what is the...

The music finishes and the time's up...

Sabrina: Time's up and I cannot finish that question.

(Amount bank for this round: $200)

Sabrina: That's really pathetic. The lowest amount ever banked to the bank account of this
show. This is what you get for voting off the strongest links.

-

Tai: Yeah, but who could guess that the episode after that, no even one single person
banked in any money...as I will leave this segment with this special presentation...

-Misty, Kiyone, Kari, Richie, Madison, Meiling, Miyako and James were at the last 5 seconds-

Sabrina: Kiyone, what is the...*time's up music is played* Time is up and I cannot finish
the question. I'm surprised that this is the first time no one has ever banked to the account
for the first round. Its like we've reached Rock bottom. Haven't you read the rules. It seems
that we need to know who is the weakest link...

Narrator: Meiling has been messing up at most of her answers, so she's the weakest link, and
with Misty as the strongest link, since she got most of the questions correct...

Sabrina walks back to her post in the center of the room...

Sabrina: Pens down. Time to vote...now who is the weakest link?

Misty: Sabrina.

Kiyone: Sabrina.

Kari: Sabrina.

Richie: Sabrina.

Madison: Sabrina.

Meiling: Sabrina.

Yolei: Sabrina.

James: Sabrina.

Tai walks in...

Tai: Hi, Sabrina...

Sabrina: Get out, Tai!

-

*Tai on Poke-ism*

Tai: An email campaign is asking people to list 'Pokemon Training' as their job on the
upcoming census, in order to gain official working status. On the one hand there is the
belief that if people are willing to publicly state their commitment to Poke-ism then they
should do so without fear of job persecution...except maybe from Digies.

Tai walks across the stage and throws out a Digi-vice into a fake window...

Tai: But realise this...as the Distributors were swift to point out such frivolity will merely
confuse vital statistics. So when they start closing schools, hospitals, libraries and
increasing taxes because they have to spend trillions of dollars on Team Rocket defence
because according to the census millions of Pokemon Trainers live here and it won't be long
before the League finds us...you will only have yourself to blame. Census 2001... Gotta
Collect 'em All!.

*

Son Goku (in Black and white), President, fighter and the one on the Air Force one...as he
prepares a war against Pokemon, he pounders on one thing, "What's for lunch?" As there's
Vice-president, Vegeta, is there to take the knowegedge that in the senate, there is a Queen,
a Princess and Vegeta plans to be the Prince in the Senate, as we will see Goku (in Black
and white).

*

Misty Waters (No, the one on the left), as she's a beautiful girl, she plans on becoming one
of the senators for the Pokemon Party, as she does fashion, go to talkshows, she publically
speaks out her name as she will become one senator that will become a fashion statemtent as
one of the youngest senators for the Pokemon side, with Misty Waters (No, the one on the
left).

*

Tai: Ok, now it's time to award the "Hikari" Award!!! And now this award is so exclusive that
it's an exclusive. Now for the runner's up goes to the Officer Jennys at the Kanto Region
for using soda cans to surpressed the criminals. There's also a complimentry "Hikari" Award
that goes to FOX. Actually, one of their cameraman. We couldn't give it all away, but anyway,
we knew Genki was behind the camera, but he kept on looking at...the 2 ladies from a certain
new pop group called Scandal'us. Anyway, the winner to the "Hikari" award goes to Jessie and
James of Team Rocket, for the first hijackers that has hijacked a plane that's going to where
they want to go. Like it says, "James *Holding a pair of sissors*: TAKE US TO VIRIDIAN
CITY!!!" *Airstewadess: But we are going to Viridian.* Hmmm, now isn't that what you would
call a coiencidence or thinking ahead?

*

Tai: And lets look at what happened this week...in a few pictures...

*Picture 1: Brock was walking down a street*

Tai: The Brock lays the Brock Bottom.

*Picture 2: An comercial Boeing airplane is over a corn field.*

Tai: Airplane gets malfunction after take off and does not relise until landing and
President Goku praises the passangers for their bravery.

*Picture 3: Goku with a fist aiming at his face*

Tai: President Goku does us all a favor by punching his face.

*Picture 4: Jessie and James reading the time on their watches*

Tai: Pokemon planning on dropping a Dragonite on Goku's Backyard in 5 minutes...

*Picture 5: Goku and Gohan were in an office*

Tai: "Taking your son to work" day gone all wrong...

*Picture 6: Goku's hand on face*

Tai: Kakarot locks his keys in his Kakorotmobile...

*Picture 7: Sora was walking in front of a stand filled with reporters in a news confrence*

Tai: And finally, Sora is being stalked...

*The Zen of Anime Distribution*

1. Remove your mind from the consious mind...
2. Tell the diffrence from Subs and Dubs
3. Ask this Question:
"How long can an uncensored episode of PKMN last in 4Kids"

*

Tai: Ok, I believe that its a belated mother's day and now, we will always wanted this quote
to happen since its her day. "SAY HI TO YOUR MOM FOR ME!!!" And now, its time for us to
see..."An Unimportant Magical moment"...

*Background music: "An Unimportant Magical moment"*

Tai: Now, we will see how the Tai Live gang get our studio audiences...

*

Tai, Kari and Matt were walking pass the KidsWB auidence outside the WB studio...

Tai: Ok, we need to think of some way to make these kiddies come this way...

Tai stands infront of the kids...

Tai: Hey, kids, want to come to the Tai Live Studios?

Kid1: You're a wuss, Tai.

Tai runs back to Matt and Kari and he cries on Kari's shoulder...

Tai: They called me a wuss.

Matt: No one makes my friend cry and gets away with it...

Matt walks to the kids...

Matt: Alright, I want to say this. Do you want to come with us to the [Tai] Studios? I can
make it the easier way or the hard way...

Matt walks back to Kari and Tai, who is still crying...

Kari: What happened, Matt?

Matt: The kids ganged up on me and bashed me up real bad. *puts a pack of ice on a black eye*

Kari: That's it, I'm calling the heavy artillery...*clap clap*

Mimi walks in...

Mimi: Alright kids, follow me and we will have free ice cream!!!

Kids: YAYYYY!!!!!!!!

The kids follow Mimi onto the bus...

Kari/Matt/Tai: Never underestimate the power of Senator Princess Mimi Tachikawa the
Destroyer...

In the bus...

Tai: Are you licensed to drive a bus?

Mimi: Hey, I'm a politician, so I got many licenses...

Mimi drives the bus to [Tai] Studios...

Mimi: The Ice Creams will be delievered to you kids by one of the managers there...

Kids: YAY!!!!

Kari: That was a good job, Mimi...

Mimi: Yeah...because you can...

Matt/Kari/Mimi/Tai: ...never underestimate the power of Senator Princess Mimi Tachikawa the
Destroyer.

*Tai and Matt on "Bards of Anime Distribution*

Tai: WB services has once more put off a decision on the sale of its
fifty-one percent of 4Kids, and so the ongoing saga continues,
with everyone offering their two cents worth. Even Shakespeare's
Hamlet has an opinion and he joins us now...

Matt *Dressed as Hamlet*: To show, or not to show, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the budget
to suffer the slings and arrows of outraged watchers
Or take arms against a sea of editors,
and by opposing, censor it.

To show, to censor no more
And by a un-censored episode to say we end the heartache and thousand natural lay-offs
That 4Kids is heir to.
'Tis a distributor devoutly to be wished.

To sleep, perchance to censor. Ay, there's the rub
For with that sale of 4Kids, what screams may come
From disgruntled fans must give up pause.

Thus Pokemon do make cowards of us all.
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale casting of Animes.

And public enterprises of great pitch and moment
turn awry. Looks like we're buggered either way.

*Kari on "Leaked notes"*

Kari is at the *Super Tai BOX*

Kari: The plot thickens with claim and counter-claim over a leaked memo from Digimon Party
Senator Mimi Tachikawa to President Goku. In an attempt to sort it all out, we're joined by an
anonymous Digimon member, TK Holmes. Mr TK, what's the state of play?

*TK: Elementary, my dear Kari. Let us review the facts of the case. Firstly, there was the
memo itself, written by...?*

Kari: Mimi Tachikawa. Based on notes from a meeting with FOX.

*TK: And leaked by...?*

Kari: No-one's admitted to it.

*TK: Aha! The first missing piece. Now the memo clearly targets... who?*

Kari: President Goku and Senator Mimi?

*TK: A red herring. Because we have since learned from the Distributors at the meeting that
it was supposedly only President Goku who was the focus of the diatribe.*

Kari: So we are no closer to knowing the identity of the memo-leaker.

*TK: Not so fast, Kari. Several theories present themselves. What if Senator herself leaked
the memo?*

Kari: But why, TK, why?

*TK: Certainly the Senator painted herself in a very dark corner, but what have subsequent
events revealed? Vice-President Vegeta has met with him to "clear the air", a delightful
euphemism for a rehearsed apology. FOX clarify the targeting of the memo, Vegeta achieves an
illusory increase in popularity, the executive throws itself behind Miss Tachikawa and so it
is only Mr Goku who is left holding the kettle of hot coffee.*

Kari: Brilliant, TK!

*TK: Having distanced himself from the President, Vegeta brings down the budget, claims he is
the only Dragonball member doing anything constructive and has a quick whip round of numbers
faster than you can say "I am Prez".*

Kari: I don't know how you do it TK.

*TK: Throw in the added bonus that the Pokemon Party hasn't been on the front page in a week
and I think we have motive and opportunity.*

Kari: I tip my hat to you TK.

*TK: Nothing really, Kari. When the impossible is eliminated, what ever is left, however
improbable, must be the truth. *blows on a bubble pipe**

*Tai on Unisex toilets*

Tai: Why do I have the feeling that the real world is starting to have Unisex toilets? Well,
it is because people watch too much Ally Mcbeal. I mean, its not original anymore at the rate
this is going. *Tai opens the toilet door and Sora screams* Sorry Sora. *Closes toilet door*

*Distribution Cliche*

To travel a thousand miles, all it starts is a good-sized bank account...

*Spidey-Tai*

Tai was on stage...

Tai: Sometimes, we can always see the unexpected to happen and it is possible that 20% of
the change can break your neck. *holds his forhead* Oh no...My Anime/Video Game Character
sense is tingling. A character is in danger. Excuse me for the moment.

Tai runs of the stage...and runs in the hallway to Sakura's dressing room...

Tai: Sakura, don't open the door. Its raining Clow cards!!

Sakura: As if.

As Sakura opens the door, it was raining 52 Clow cards and Tai closes the door...

Sakura: Thanks, Tai. You saved my life...

Tai gives the thumbs up and runs back to the studio to his desk...

Tai: There...crisis over.

*Tai Ads*

Anime Monopoly, the latest craze...where you, get to be a in charge of an Anime take over the
whole Anime business and make sure you don't get bankrupt by taking over the other Anime's
copyright by giving the cash ...sometimes, you got to understand that Absolutely everybody
must join in...but remember one thing...if you want to switch Animes, go straight to the
Distributor, do not pass go and do not collect $200...hope you enjoy, Anime Monopoly...
*Specially made for 2 players*

*

Kari: Now, I have sent Tai on a "Taiing" mission to discover about FOX's Homeless
Executives...

*

The camera was shaking with Tai on the screen as the camera gets closer to and further away
from Tai and Tai holds out his hand...

Tai: Stop it. It makes me dizzy. Anyway, now, I am outside FOX studios parking lot and I am
looking for executives living in their own cars.

Tai knocks on one of the car windows...and a man in a suit winds down the window...

Tai: So, how do you enjoy the life of homelessness?

Executive: It sucks. I mean, I'm just here because my wife kicked me out of the house...

Tai: Hmm. What about comments to the new GST on distributing tapes?

Executive: Its nonsense...all I am is an innocent victim to President Goku's GST plan.

A mailman delievered mail to the car next to the executive's car that Tai is standing at...

Mailman: Hey, Steel...

Executive: Hey, Josh...

Tai: So, is that all you can say.

Executive: Yep.

*Matt on "Homeless Executives"*

Matt: Okay so what do we do about the homeless? Well if they're such a rich, let's take them
out the back and mug them. What? No! You can't do that! That's horrific. Oh sure, that's
horrific...but whacking them, mugging them and leaving them to sleep on the streets
isn't horrific? Supporting feel good distributors that don't smell or talk to themselves mean
that and every now and then there are rich suit functions you can attend to compare paychecks.
Unfortunately being proud sponsors of Homeless Steel since 2000 won't get you a list exposure
and it's difficult to host the rich suit dinner in the carpark behind KidsWB rummaging
through garbage bins...and no one wants to compare paychecks with Steel. What we have to do
is make homelessness more marketable. Maybe we build a shelter and fit it out with
cameras...call it Harsh-Reality TV.

*

Tai and Kari were at Tai's desk...

Tai: In case you people don't know...this is the segment where I have recieved a mail from 2
well known pranksters, namely Yagami and Ishida...where they are telling us how to be great
pranksters...

Kari: Yeah, lets take a look at this footage.

[Footage: Kari Cam: Street, 10:00pm]

Tai and Matt were in the street in the middle of the night...

Tai: You got this on tape, Kari? *the camera moves up and down* Good. Welcome, fellow
pranksters to Yagami and Ishida's prank-a-thon...where we will give you tips on how to be
great pranksters...anyway, the first thing is that we need to know how to get back home and
if you're out of cash...

Matt: Yeah, and now we will go hitch a ride...

Tai grabs Matt's collar...

Tai: No, first, you need the right gear to go through with this...

[Kari Cam: Street, 10:05pm]

Tai: All fine Kari? Good. Anyway, we need to plan. First...some extra pocket money, in case
you get caught, then, a mask, to hide from the taxi driver and finally...us.

Matt: Yeah...and now, we hitch a ride...

Tai: No, first, we must plan our escape...ok, Ishida, see that bush over there...once we will
stop at this point, we will run there and hide...

Matt: Ok.

Tai: Now lets go par-tay!!!

[Kari Cam: After a night or partying, 12:00am]

Tai and Matt were at the road...

Tai: TAXI!!!

Matt: TAXI!!!

A taxi stops next to Tai and Matt...

[Kari Cam: Inside the Taxi, 12:05 am]

Taxi driver(Jun): So, where are you going at this late hour?

Tai: Home.

Matt: Yeah, home, since we are short of cash...

Jun stops the taxi...

Tai: Ishida, you idiot!

[Kari Cam: Street, 12:10 am]

Tai and Matt runs out of the car and Jun chases them, as Matt trips...

Matt: Save yourself, Yagami!!!

Tai: Don't worry, I will!!!

Matt gets caught by Jun...

Jun: Gotcha!!

[Kari cam: Street, 12:30 am]

Matt was driven away in a police car and Tai run out of the bushes...

Tai: Well, there goes one of our best hitchhikers...anyway, see you next time for more Yagami
and Ishida...

*

Tai: Now is time for the "What the...?" segment, where weird stuffs can be found in places
everywhere...anyway, the point is that I went to this restraunt and this places has 4 deals
of meals...but when I saw this ad...for Deal 1: "1 Family meal, 1.15 L of Cock and free Garlic
bread..." and no, this is not a typo, since Deal 4 has the same word, the "1.15 L of Cock"...
What the? And here's the next one, where this butcher's sign says, "Come and eat on our
meats which are the best and big". What the? I guess one guys comment is, "No, I'm a
vegetarian." Here's one for another what the...it says, "Car wash and hand job". *pauses*
What the? That means that if anyone wants to go to the place for sexual pleasure, you could
as well forget it since you forgot the car.

*Tai on "Goku's Budget"*

Tai: It's been six days since President Goku released the most anticipated document of the
year. No, not his resignation. The Budget. Sack...from the French for 'bag'. Now whether
the bag is half full, half empty or full of $#!+ is a matter for interpretation. Initial
reaction to the budget has led many Otakus to wonder "How can I become an obsessed Anime
freak who was once an employee of Goku?". And it's not as simple as putting on a hat and
locking yourself in a Toyota 4WD.

Tai flips a coin and it lands in his hand...

Tai: Like any budget there were winners and losers. Obviously the big winners are the
Distributors. Thanks to Senator Mimi Tachikawa and the Combined Digimon and Monster Ranchers
Association the corridors of power are now filled with zimmer frames and the scent of
lineament. Another group to welcome the news are those who rob cashed up senators for a
living. As for everyone else... unless they reach promotion or retirement before the
election, you have to wonder if Goku has given away enough to win - and if they haven't,
what does it mean?

Tai flips the coin again...

Tai: Well, it means DragonBall Z will have to rely on the vision of Trunks and Goten which
includes a dream called 'fuzion' and a cure for dying tons of times... What do you we do come
election day? I reckon we should skip the how to vote cards and just call heads or tails. Of
course you'll need a coin. Ask a martial artist if they can spare one.

Waits for the coin...

Tai: Where is it?

The coin lands on the floor on heads...

*

TK's hands were on the table moving while having his mouth closed making teeth clattering...

Kari: Don't you think its rude for you to clatter your teeth with ice...

TK's hands took the ice out of his teeth on the table and puts it back into his mouth...

*

Tai was dressed as a rescue personel rescuing Sora at the bottom of a cliff...

Tai: Ok, miss, I'm going to help you up.

Tai tied Sora to a rope and pulled her to his body...then as the the two were being pulled
up...

Sora: Are you having an erection?

Tai: No, that's a belt buckle...a very big belt buckle.

*

Kari: Our Taiing reporter, Tai is sent on a Taiing mission to interview the 2000 WB executives
who were sacked...

-

At Tai's house, a few men and women were sitting in Tai's living room watching TV...

Tai's Voice-Over: Ah, yes, another day to invite some of my WB friends to my place to watch a
few good shows, like "Paymybillsmon"...

-

Tai was in the kitchen...

Tai's v/o: ...or maybe "Doyouneedajobmon"? *Tai pulls out a "Doyouneedajobmon" video tape from
a cupboard...*

-

Tai was eating some biscuits while sitting next to some people who looked very dull...

Tai's v/o: Sometimes, you should take a break and say, "Whats up, doc, need some work?"

-

Tai was picking out some videos...

Tai's v/o: Maybe I should have asked them to join me in making bread with "DOH!".

-

Tai was at the front door wavong goodbye to the people walking away...

Tai's v/o: Or maybe just say "That's all folks, you're fired."

*

Tai was on stage...

Tai: And now, I will talk to our head cleaner, who recently became a widow after her husband
fell off a cliff while mountain climbing, to come on stage, Mrs. Tie...

Mrs. Tie: And he died while doing the best thing he was good at...

Tai: Yeah, screaming and falling. Well, Mrs. Tie, the auidence specially chipped in their
money, *hands Mrs Tie an 18th Century hat* and decided to buy you this 18th Century hat.

Mrs Tie puts the hat on...

Tai: And now we will see why we'll never do...put in a character made out of clay...

*Blue clay in "ER"*

Brown Clay was on a hospital bed...when Blue Clay walks in...

Blue Clay speaks gibberish...

Brown Clay mumbles a gibbrish whine and then, he exploded into pieces...

Then Blue Clay started to make a gibbrish laugh...

Credits:

Maker of Blue Clay: Taichi Yagami

*Tai on "Team Rocket Rockin'"*

Tai was on a couch on the stage...

Tai: I will now interview a member of the infamous Team Rocket, James Starmach...James, why
do you suppose atticking President Goku is one of your plans?

James: Well...it was his fault that he sent 2 people that purposely hit an innocent balloon...
*James's mobile phone rang* Hello? What? Ok. *James stool up* Sorry, Tai, I gotta go...I'm
needed at the...shredder...*James ran off*

Tai: That was odd.

Officer Jenny walks to the stage...

Jenny: Where did James go?

Tai: He ran off this way after an interview...

Jenny: Is this an offical interview?

Tai: Yes.

Jenny: On National television?

Tai: Yes.

Jenny: Then, I'm afraid that I have to arrest myself, since I barged it unofficially
without a warrant, *Jenny handcuffs herself* I have the right to remain silent and anything I
say will be used against me. And if you ever see James, tell him to give me a call...

*Kari on "The Digital-Pocket Monsters Treaty"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: The Pokemon Party has decided to dramatically down-size its Pokemon Defence Force, a
move which has upset the Digimon Defence Force who feel they'll have to take up the
slack in the Kanto region. Joining us is Group Captain Greymon. How does Pokemon's new policy
affect our bilateral defence relationship?

*Greymon: Well for a start we're going to take the Pocket out of the Digital-Pocket Monsters
treaty, which coincidentally leaves it as the Digital Monsters treaty. In other words, we're
on our own. Rest assured, we'll be fully committed to ourselves in a time of crisis.*

Kari: Isn't Team Rocket just facing reality, that in a time of conflict they'll be
dependant on President Goku?

*Greymon: No, that's OUR defence strategy. Anyway, there's an obvious flaw there, what do they
do if President Goku decide to attack them? *

Kari: General, its been suggested that the Digimon Air Force absorb the Team Rocket flying
Pokemon made redundant in the cuts.

*Greymon: No, I believe the the flying Pokemon has always been a flightless, Kari. Stuff them.
From now on, Digital-Pocket Monsters day is now Digital Monsters day. We're getting FOX and WB
to rewrite Pokemon and Digimon. Our new defence attache to Pokemon is Ash Ketchum. Take that
you BUMS!*

Kari: Joining us is the chief of the Pokemon Defence Force Corporal Meowth. Corporal Meowth,
this is quite a reduction in Pokemon's defence capability.

*Meowth: It was a political decision, Kari. Team Rocket wasn't prepared to increase defence
spending above 2 per cent of Team Rocket's funds, and there's only so much you can do with 251
Pokemon avalible. Plus, Pikachu wiped out half our infantry.*

Kari: It's been reported that you expect to carry on with a 'boutique defence force'. What
does that mean?

*Meowth: It means that everything in our military is overpriced but charming. Lots of fluffy
pillows in the beds's, French curtains in our windows. Oak mortars. It's quite delightful
actually.*

Kari: But what about national security?

*Meowth: We had a review and decided to be honest with ourselves. Quite frankly, who'd want
to invade us? If they do, our new defence strategy is to just let them die of boredom. Should
take about twelve minutes. Four if Matt Ishida's in town. Two if he does a ballad for
Christmas.*

Kari: But surely...

*Meowth: (singing) "Oh come, all ye faithful!!"*

Kari: Alright, alright. We'll go away.

*Meowth: "SILENT NIGHT!!!"*

Kari: Look...

*Meowth: "WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!"*

Kari: We surrender!

*Matt on "Beehive or else"*

Matt: Don't you have the feeling that we're being invaded? Well, currently, Japan has suddenly
suffered a certain plague of Beedrills, using trees as hives. President Goku suggested that
we must isolate these invaders in the Detention Trees or Dark Spirals in the Digital World.
Now that's one offer Japan couldn't refuse.

*Kari on "Distribution Budgets"*

Kari: A Budget is nothing more than a collection of numbers until President Goku gives his
speech, and style is as important as content. We're joined by one of Goku's speech writing
staff, Sapphire...

Sapphire: Ex-staff, Kari. I quit last week.

Kari: Why?

Sapphire: He rejected my speech. I was trying to go for a novel yet honest approach.

Kari: Can you give us an example?

Sapphire: "Money. Get back. I'm alright Goten, keep your hands off of my stack. Money. It's a
hit. Don't give me that do goody good bull-$#!+. New car caviar four star day dream if you
vote for Goku."

Kari: That's a Pink Floyd song.

Sapphire: With minor adjustments. But you don't realise how much of Goku's policies are based
on Pink Floyd. "We Don't Need No Education." is a prime example. And it's not just us, the
Digimon party does it too. Most of the Caucus lives by "Comfortably Numb". They still ring up
Barry Jones and sing "Wish You Were Here".

Kari: How would you have done Mimi's budget reply speech?

Sapphire: Probably as the instrumental from "Shine On You Crazy Diamond". Twenty minutes of
reiterations of one central theme. Nice to listen to but doesn't tell you much you didn't
already know.

Kari: So, if you'd had your way, the Budget speeches would have been based on 70's dinosaur
rock.

Sapphire: The country needs a Budget you can sing along to.

Kari: Good luck finding another job.

Sapphire: See you on the Dark Side of the Moon.

*Distribution Cliche*

Stick and stones may break my bones, but the dubs will definitely kill me.

*

Kari: Our Taiing reporter, Tai, is now on another Taiing mission on comparing homosexuality to
smoking...

*

Tai was walking in a hotel room with Tori and Julian in bathrobes...

Tai: Currently on statistics say that Homosexuality is more dangerous when Smoking.

Julian looks at the Tori...

Julian: Did he meant to say "Homosexuality is more dangerous than Smoking"?

-

Tai was behind the room in President Goku's office...

Tai: Now, I'm going to interview the assistant to President Goku on the cases of
Homosexuality...

Tai's hair appeared behind Goku's portrait of George Bush...and the hair disappeared behind
the picture...

-

Tai: So, the big diffrence between Smoking and Holosexuality is that in smoking, you do not
need another man to be a fag, just a ciggrette.

Goku: Huh?

Tai: What I mean is that in restraunts, you don't have to go out of the restraunt while
you'rr a homo but you have to be outside in open air to have and be a fag.

-

Tai: So you meant to say that using condoms will help.

Goku: No. I meant to say that people cannot use condoms.

Tai: So, you mean people can have unprotected sex.

Goku's jaw dropped.

Tai: Anyway, there will be updates soon...

*Kari on "Nuclear Clothes Testing"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: After almost fifty years of denials, the Team Rocket has finally admitted that Team
Rocket members were used in nuclear radiation tests at Mt Moon. Giovanni is Team Rocket's
Chief. Giovanni, why the turn-around?

*Giovanni: We realised we'd made a terrible mistake - turns out someone forgot to
burn one of the files.*

Kari: Yes, these documents show that men were required to drive, walk and even crawl through
a nuclear fallout zone. And you've always denied that.

*Giovanni: No we've always denied that we caried out radiation tests on people, and these
radiation tests were on CLOTHING.*

Kari: But people, Team Rocket members, were wearing the clothing.

*Giovanni: The clothes had to be worn by someone.*

Kari: Couldn't you have used dummies?

*Giovanni: We did. Team Rocket didn't even question what we were doing. And it was important
to find out how different clothes reacted to nuclear exposure.*

Kari: And how did they react?

*Giovanni: Very, very well. If the people wearing them hadn't let them down, the clothes
would still be out there, fighting the good fight.*

Kari: Team Rocket has claimed in the international Court of Human Rights that no humans
had ever been used in nuclear experiments or weapons trials. For years you've refused to
accept the claims of sick and cancer ridden Team Rocket soldiers that their illness was
caused by your testing.

*Giovanni: Yes, we thought they were idiots.*

Kari: So these men, thanks to you, have been denied health care, compensation, psychological
support...

*Giovanni: Look, we clothed them, what more do they expect? A promotion? A fully functioning
liver?*

Kari: Has Team Rocket learnt anything from this experience?

*Giovanni: Oh yes. Next time we'll make sure to give all the files to the FBI. They're
pretty good at hanging on to them until after your dead.*

Kari: Thanks for your time.

*

Next time on Tai Live:

*Kari: Vice-President Vegeta prepares to run around in public nude for Big Brother*

Vegeta are being followed by cameras...

Vegeta: I am willing to take any risks for my territory...

*Kari: Goku blasts farmer after throwing dead Togepi.*

As Goku was walking for an election campaign, a man threw an egg on Goku and Goku did a one
finger KameHame Wave in the man's face...

Goku is in a press confrence...

Goku: Whatever it is, all I want to say is that I'm sorry for reacting at a rather rash way.

*Kari: During a press confrence, a member of Mimi's group faces the wrong direction...Mimi
gives her comments.*

On a newspaper article, Mimi and her party faces the press while one member faces the
cameraman taking the picture...

Mimi: Look, my real name is not Monica...

*

Tai was on stage...

Tai: Now is another Blue Clay moment...

*Blue clay in "The Wizardmon's apprentice"*

Purple clay, aka. Wizardmon places his hat on a shelf while Blue clay was sweeping the floo,
and Wizardmon walked away...

Then Blue Clay looks around and puts on Wizardmon's hat and told the broom to sweep the
floor...

Then Wizardmon returns, and the Blue Clay had an erection and covers it with Wizardmon's
hat...

Credits:

Maker of Blue Clay: Taichi Yagami

*Kari on "Myotismon Lives"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: Odaiba Invader Myotismon should have been dead for five days by now, but Disavowed
Lawyer Cody Hida postponed the execution and ordered an inquiry after the DIA (Digimon
Intelligence Agency) withheld documentary evidence from Myotismon's defence lawyers. Sora
Takenouchi is from the Disavowed Lawyers' Department. Miss Sora, this must have significant
implications for justice in Japan.

*Sora: Oh, absolutely. We'd already sold out the seats to the execution and signed a
legally-binding contract for the telecast.*

Kari: How could the DIA be caught out withholding over 3,000 pages of documentary evidence?

*Sora: That's exactly what we're trying to find out. After all, if the DIA can't withhold
evidence effectively, what chance is there for the rest of Japan's justice system?*

Kari: Does anyone really believe that these documents will exonerate Myotismon?

*Sora: That's not the point, Kari. The point is his legal team should be given every chance to
defend their client BEFORE we execute him.*

Kari: Is there any doubt that Myotismon did it?

*Sora: Reasonable doubt? I'm not sure. But I do know there's something ironic in seeing a
dictator's plans to die after being captured. *trying not to laugh* You should have seen the
look on Vegeta's face when he realised his plane ticket was non-refundable.*

Kari: Doesn't this add fuel to the argument AGAINST capital punishment, that such a high
profile case like this can still be flawed?

*Sora: How could it be flawed when we're still going to fry the guy?*

Kari: There's also a strong case that the death penalty doesn't deter murderers, isn't there?

*Sora: It's true that countries with the death penalty do still have higher murder rates, but
that's only because those statistics include all the people executed by the country.*

Kari: Finally Miss Sora, do you think Myotismon's execution will go ahead on June 11, 2002?

*Sora: That depends.*

Kari: On whether the DIA has withheld other evidence?

*Sora: No, on whether anyone finds out the DIA's withholding other evidence.*

Kari: I think we'll leave it there.

*Tai on "Pokemon Arms"*

Tai: Suppose, for a moment, you are a Cheez TV from Australia after showing the first ever
episode of Pokemon on TV. You're flipping through the recent Digimon Arms catalogue and you
spy an ad for the new Pheonixmon radar defence system which takes your fancy because it'll
give you very early warning of any missile attack but, you're told you can't have it because
it will give you very early warning of any missile attack and apparently that's only going to
upset the Pokemon Fans when they launch a missile attack because they've made it perfectly
clear that launching undetected missile attacks is something they're quite keen on.

Tai takes a bottle of Sports Drink and drank it...

Tai: Surely we don't want Pokemon fans (Pokies) launching missiles - especially undetected
ones. We don't want anyone launching any missiles. In fact the thought that the Digimon
Fans (Digies) are supporting the Pokies's right to launch a few undetectable missiles at our
favourite Television show is frankly terrifying...they might miss and hit the Anzac Bridge...
and then what are we going to drive on when we visit Sydney? The Digies claims that selling
the radar to Cheez would be "unnecessarily provocative" which makes you wonder what they
think launching undetected missiles is... *sighing* I guess it makes them think we're lucky
we're not Cheez TV...right guys?

Matt and Kari were wearing army camoflague outfits...

Matt/Kari: Right Tai!

*

Tai was wearing a millitary suit as he was awarding medals to other soldiers, as he puts a
medal on Matt...then Mimi was next to get her medal...

Tai: Great job, Lt. Mimi. *He hugs Mimi*

Mimi: Are you having an erection?

Tai: No, that's a belt buckle, a very big belt buckle...

*Kari on "Pokemon Battling"*

Kari: A report into corruption in Pokemon Battles by Team Rocket Boss, Giovanni, that the
game has been corrupt for almost 30 years, with match-fixing dating back to small battles in
Kanto in the 1990's and extending through League and Gym matches. To discuss the implications
of this report we're joined by a Kanto League Board spokesman Professor Samuel Oak. Professor,
not a good report card for the game.

P.Oak: Yes, perhaps we should have offered the League more. Still, as someone always said,
you get what you pay for.

Kari: The report details, gambling, match-fixing, kidnapping, drug running, money laundering,
conspiracies, stand-overs, even murder.

P.Oak: Who says Pokemon Battling doesn't offer something for everyone? Wave goodbye to that
fuddy duddy image! We're the Eminem of Pokemon Matches.

Kari: Don't you find this report disturbing?

P.Oak: Very disturbing, Kari, as it shows Trainers from all regions have been involved in
corruption, except for Kanto where some players just get given large sums of money to tell
bookmakers whether or not it's a sunny day and what the field looks like. Generally,Kari,
it's an oblong thing in the middle of the field, but you can never be too sure.

Kari: The report mentions a number of sordid incidents but doesn't name names. Why is that?

P.Oak: It's a bit of fun for the fans Kari. Can you match your favourite Pokemon Training idol
to his respective sordid incident? Was he Mr A in Cerulean with the humph on the Miss M? Plus,
there are various legal reasons why we can't name names in the report.

Kari: There's even a suggestion that a dispute between rival bookies over Pokemon matches led
to a contract killing in Indigo.

P.Oak: Well the Kanto League boards over there are strict, once you've signed the contract
you have to go through with it.

Kari: The report also suggests a number of reform measures to clean up the game, such as
appointing team security managers and limiting the use of mobile phones by players.

P.Oak: Gary Oak would never support that. You can't just take away a man's sex life.

Kari: Don't you find it staggering that the report lists more than 60 battles played since
1999 as suspect?

P.Oak: Kari, no-one can fix a Pokemon match. There are 6 players on each team, 7 if the Ref
was happy with the brown envelope. Could all those players be corrupt?

Kari: Yes.

P.Oak: Damn that report was thorough.

Kari: We'll leave it there shall we?

*

Tai is sitting at his desk with Kari dressed in her 01 outfit, Matt dressed in his 01 outfit,
Izzy dressed as a Commander of the US army branch in Japan, Sora dressed as a air stewardess,
TK dressed in his 01 outfit, Mimi dressed in a pink formal dress and Joe dressed as a doctor
sitting on the completely large couch with Davis, Yolei, Cody, Michael, Ken and Willis
standing up behind the couch...

Tai: We're a little short of time, so I have postponed some of the missing stuffs to next
time. And for those who are the first time who read this series in the UK, this series will
not end on episode 10, but will go on until we go no longer...For next time, We have good news
and bad news. The good news is that we're going to send a certain old friend to the Opening
of Digimon: The Movie, which the bad news is that Matt's coming along with you! Until next
time, I'm Tai Yagami and say hi to your mom for me...

*

Credits:

Author: PikaFlash Tai

What does he do?: He does Tai's crosswords puzzles for him...

Producer: Taichi Yagami

Top of the Props: Anywhere possible...

Live On site Crew: Jyo Kido, Koushiro Izumi

Runner: Hikari Yagami

What does she do?: She video tapes Pokemon for Tai...

Sketches: Too much Television

What does it do?: Helps Kari record Pokemon for Tai...

Make up: Senator Mimi Tachikawa

Camera/Editor: Koushiro Izumi

Sketch Editor: Yamato Ishida

Starring/Host: Taichi Yagami

Usual Cast: Tai, Matt, Kari

What do they do: They're the usual cast, aka. casting usual...

Tai Enterprises managed by: PikaFlash Tai, Taichi Yagami and Hikari Yagami...

What do I do: Watch the news with Kari and Matt...

*

Final Scene:

Tai and Matt were sitting at a piano...

Tai: Here are for those of you within the Asia-Pacific rim who want to call Tai Live, at...

Matt plays the piano...

Matt *singing*: 1 800, 235, 235, 8412...

Tai: For those of you who are on International areas...

Matt *singing*: 1 800, 738, 377, 3451...

Tai: And for those of you in outer space...

Matt *singing*: 1 800, 235, 235, 8412, 738, 377, 3451, Beep, bop, bee bee bop be be bee pop
4123!

Tai: Thank you for reading this Tai Live Episode...

Final Scene 2:

Kari was dressed as a professor wearing geeky glasses standing next to a whiteboard...

Kari: I have the proof that girls are evil. First we state Girls require time and money...

Kari writes on the white board "Girls = Time X Money"...

Kari: As we all know, "time is money"...

Kari writes "Time = Money"...

Kari: Therefore

Kari changes the word time to money making it "Girls = Money X Money" adding an "= (Money)²"
to make it "Girls = Money X Money = (Money)²"...

Kari: And because "Money is the root of all Evil"...

Kari made the word "Money = (Square root of) Evil"...

Kari: Therefore...

Kari writes "Money = [(Square root of) Evil]²"

Kari: And we are force to conclude that...

Kari takes out a sign saying "Girls = Evil!!!"

Final Scene 3:

Kari was at a whiteboard in her geeky professor outfit...with the words on the white board
says "me :) u"

Kari: Take a look at this. Me, Smiley, You. Don't you think its nice? Well, from teenagers to
adults, we are starting to use short forms in our english language and messages on the
Internet. Currently, Goku fears that this may become a rampant in an English Class. Lets look
at this.

Kari writes "The c@ s@ on the m@" on the whiteboard...

Kari: Ok, it says "The cat sat on the mat"...what do you think?

Kari writes "IDTS" on the whiteboard...

Kari: I don't think so.