Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Tai Live: PikaFlash's World DX ❯ Tai Live 10 ( Chapter 10 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Pokemon the Movie 2000 is two years old.
To celebrate, have a cake,
But bake it yourself.
While you celebrate,
give 10% of your Joy to Brock.

*

"You're on a highway to another dimension. A dimension of sight and sound and no imagination.
A dimension within 4Kids as vast as Ash's enthusiasm. Picture a world imprisoned on a couch
by their love of Animes, trapped in the hope it could possibly last forever. The portal
through which they must pass is into a wondrous land where time repeats. That's the signpost
up ahead - your next stop the Pokemon Johto Zone."

*On this Tai Live episode...

Kari: President Goku has plans that having FOX as "Anime Distributor of the Year" will be
shoved up the Head of FOX's bottom...

Goku is at a news confrence...

Goku: This award, will show the right path to the insertion...

Kari: Vegeta robot needs reconfiguration...

Vegeta is at a news confrence...

Vegeta: What we must show is that Goku is doing this to be re-elected. Goku is doing this to
be re-elected.

*

Tai Live 10: PikaFlash's World DX: Tai Live Live
By PikaFlash Tai at taichi_yagami_zero@yahoo.com.au

Opening Theme:

Sora was in a dressing room writing her Diary...

Sora's voice-over: Dear Diary, today I am going to be a star of a show that this Studio is
producing. We will have hot people like *sighing* Squall...A door closed in the Background and

Tai walks in behind Sora...

Sora's V/O: Oh, here comes that Tai, who he thinks he's so big with his big bushy hair *Tai
looks at his hair*, his big legs, *Tai looks at his legs* and that very butt ugly face and
he needs to put on more deodorant...

Tai: Sora, I can hear your voice-over

Sora: Oops. *writes to her * Sorry, Tai.

Tai: That's Ok, Sora.

As Tai was about to leave...

Tai's V/O: Look at how hot she is.

Sora heard Tai's V/O...

*

Matt's voice: Hey, Tai!!! Look who I brought here, Daisuke Niwa from DNAngel!!! *Pulls in Jun
Motomiya*

Tai: Errr, Matt, that is not Daisuke Niwa or even Daisuke Motomiya...that's Jun Motomiya.

Matt: Oh...err...DAISUKE NIWA, YOU LIAR!!! *Matt walks away*

Tai: So, Jun, do you wear a dress?

Jun: Yeah.

Tai: What size?

Jun: 12.

*

Tai and Kari were sitting in Tai's dressing room discussing of the show later on...when TK
entered the room...

TK: Hey, Tai, mind if I could borrow your shower?

Tai: Sure.

TK takes out a tool box...

Tai: I thought you wanted to use the shower?

TK: No, I'm borrowing it.

Tai: If you want get a shower, go buy your own!

*

Kari runs to Tai...

Kari: Tai, the Big Brother nominations are out! The people nominated are James, Jessie and
Erika...

Tai: Not AJ?

Kari: Not AJ.

Tai: Phew.

*

Kari enter Tai's dressing room in her Digimon 01 outfit...

Kari: Tai. Oh...

Tai was also wearing Kari's Digimon 01 outfit...

Tai: We're wearing the same outfit...

Kari: Yeah. Maybe next time, we both should call each other...

Tai: Right.

Kari leaves the room...

Tai: *to the camera* Don't tell her this, but I do look nice in this outfit...

*

Tai was teaching Matt ballroom dancing...

Tai: 1 and 2 and dip.

Matt: Tai, I rather not learn ballroom dancing from you.

Tai: Why Matt?

Matt: You need pants!

Tai was wearing Agumon boxers...

Tai: Oh, so you think you judge the book by its covers?

Tai was walking off and Sora walks in...

Sora: Is it my turn to dance?

*

Matt and Tai were at the Tai Live car...

Matt: I heard that AJ is coming later on.

Tai: Yeah, what a two-faced bastard. Oh, here he comes...

AJ walks to Tai...

AJ: Hey, Tai.

Tai: Hey, AJ. Look, you're welcome to go to the coffee room over to the left of my dressing
room...

AJ: Thanks, Tai.

AJ walks away...

Tai: What a two-faced bastard.

*

Tai and Kari were in the coffee room...

Kari: Ok, guess which Pokemon Big Brother character am I?

Kari pretended to put lip gloss o her lip...

Tai: SUZIE!

Kari: Correct.

Tai: Ok, guess which Pokemon Big Brother character am I?

Tai puts on a wig which looks like Suzie's hair...

Kari: Suzie!

Tai: Right!

Suzie walks in dressed as Matt...

Suzie *Matt's voice*: Hey guys, do I look like Suzie?

Tai: Nah, you don't look like Suzie in any way, Matt...

After Tai and Kari walks away, Suzie gives a confused look at the camera...

*

Why DX?: The crew wanted to make Deluxe scenes, enjoyment and spaces...

Disclaimers: All characters, scenes, songs and stuff belong to their respective owners...

*Important message: Tai Live now has Yahoo messenger so that you can speak to any member from
the Tai Live crew if you have a yahoo ID...*

Cast:
Taichi Yagami
Hikari Yagami
Yamato Ishida

Discriptions of the possible scenes in Tai Live:

Opening Theme: Self-explained, Tai and a (few) Random character(s) would do a funny sketch for
as the Opening Theme of the episode...

Taiing with Tai: An interview where Tai will try to question Anime characters on topics of
Romance, Friendship, knowledge and more!!!

Spidey-Tai: aka. the "My Anime/Video Game Character sense's tingling" scene, and Tai will save
the character from mishaps and dangerous accidents...

Super Tai BOX: Originally meant to be the Tai Live Music video thingy, this is another of the
newest editions, where not only Tai (and a few other characters) gets to play as other
singers, but also, play as characters in a movie or even a VIDEO GAME!!! Whoever Tai dresses
will be enough to scare the daylights out of Bill Gates, the Nintento, Sony, Sega and the US
Presidents and even The Digimon Emperor!!!!!*Note: Or maybe that was just a joke, don't take
any offense, guys...*

The Mobile Tai-Live: The newest Feature, where Tai or Kari will be traveling around Japan,
America or Australia to get a glimspe of the popularity of Digimon(or join in with the
festival that's taking place)...

What the...: Tai and gang will find weird things that are picked up from the ground and may
have a curious puppy look on the object...as Tai introduces the object to the public...

Guest Star/Author: Tai will ask an author that will do something secret for the episode...and
Tai will ask the Star/Author to make an apperance and do the scene...oh and btw, we can't
gurantee as the choices are random...heheheheheheheh...

True or False: This is not like truth or dare, but it's more like a quiz show kind of thing...

The "(insert Digidestined's name)" award: The award for people who do strange things over the
best recently seen Anime episodes...

The Space: Gatomon, Patamon, TK and Kari will be doing the spaces of the fic, which is
self-explained, that it's to use up the extra space...

Final Scene: This is where Izzy comes in, sometimes, Izzy will be seen in this part of the fic
(The end of the fic), and he will consider anything Digimon related, but for somethings won't
be considered as Digimon...sometimes you may not see Izzy, instead, you'll see Mrs. Sora
Yagami instead...

*

Tai was carrying a bird cage and handed the cage to Izzy and Izzy took out a gun and shoot at
the bird....then Tai walks away...

*

Tai walks to the stage...

Tai: *Today*, the WB government banned human cloning, so if you hadn't had a chance last
night, I'm afraid you've missed out. Anyway, it's a good idea, as the side effect of cloning
is having a large belly button. If it's an innie, you could use it to open beer bottles. But
if it's an outie...you'll have to watch out for breakable items. But if WB has allowed
cloning, you could make multiple copies of yourself to do things you don't like to do, like,
going to the dentist, paying your taxes and bills, and even make one version of yourself with
a cool blonde hair for bad hair days. And another one with black hair for you to clean the
bathroom. But don't get mixed up or you'll say, "No, not the good clone!" Anyway, if you have
made a lot of clones, after 10 years, you could say, 'so, what have you been doing all this
time?" "What? Me too!"...But there is a good thing why WB banned human cloning, as if this
happens, then, there'll be no more sex...OH NO!!!!!!

*Day 1 of Week 1 of Pokemon Big Brother*

Tai walks to his desk...

Tai: Recently, we have gotten access to the Pokemon Big Brother tapes. However, FOX had a
few problems in trying to take a peek on them, only to get a message I wouldn't want to
tell...now, I'm going to interview Big Brother...

*On the Super Tai BOX were 12 people in the house, having dinner*

*Big Brother's v/o: Hi, Tai. *

Tai: Big Brother, are you a really one person or many people?

*Big Brother: Well, the job of Big Brother is played by many people using this same voice.*

Tai: Oh, so, it is this complicated.

*Big Brother: Tai, *pauses* do you ever go to www.bigbrother.com.au? Because if you did, you
are one pretty good liar.*

Tai: Thanks, but I don't go there.

*Big Brother: You should, Tai. It will give you a good information on the real people these
Pokemon characters are playing as.*

Tai: Can you care to give me a cast list?

*Big Brother: Sure.*

Tai: So, you watch people in the house 24/7, right?

*Big Brother: That's right, Tai. Its pretty complicated being one of only two people who
speaks to the contestants.*

Tai: And look at that guy with purple hair! What is his name?

Tai was pointing to James in the TV...

*Big Brother: His name is James Starmak and he wanted to be inside there because of his
hair...*

Tai: Oh, anyway, thank you Big Brother for giving us a peek into the house...

*Kari on "The Drugs League"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: Kanto League Organisers are desperately trying to ensure that the main legacy of the
League is not the number of drugs scandals that engulfed the competition. Professor Samuel
Oak heads the Kanto League Public Relations team. P.Oak, there were a lot of positive drug
tests during the Kanto League.

*Oak: Not a lot, Kari. Let's quash that media myth right now. So a handful of competitors
from obscure Pokemons were caught and expelled.*

Kari: A handful?

*Oak: Look, Kari, the expulsions only affected the Bulbasaurs, Ho-ohs, Nidokings,
Togetics, Latvitars, Bellosoms, Ursarigs, Krabbys, Golbats, Chikoritas, Igglybuffs,
Kangaskhans, Abras, Chanseys, Eevees, Magikarps, Hitmontops, Lugias and of course,
the Pikachus. There's no need to blow it out of proportion.*

Kari: There were more positive drug tests for the Kanto League than for any other Pokemon
Leagues.

*Oak: You're being negative Kari. Why can't you be positive and talk about the negative
tests. *

Kari: Are you suggesting we ignore these results?

*Oak: No but I wish you wouldn't accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and for the
love of god don't mess with Miss Inbetween.*

Kari: Why not?

*Oak: She's the Pokemon Nurse. You could be out for days. I shook her hand yesterday and I'm
still having flashbacks. *

Kari: Why did the League officials tolerate appeals and grandstanding from Trainers who test
positive? Surely, if these tests are to mean anything they should have been expelled
immediately.

*Oak: Look, there have been very good explanations for these positive drugs tests.*

Kari: The drug testing methods are more effective?

*Oak: No, the labels on drugs are very hard to read. For example, did you know that an
innocent cough medicine contains a banned substance?*

Kari: Yes.

*Oak: Okay, well perhaps you know, but how are team doctors supposed to? You'd be amazed
how many times "nutritional supplement" is misread as "nadrolyne furocimide"*

Kari: Aren't you worried that the Kanto League are going to be remembered as "The Drug
League"?

*Oak: Not by half the trainers. They won't remember anything. *

Kari: Professor Oak, we've run out of time

*Oak: Really? I can get something that'll make you go faster. *

*Tai on "Gaming Companies"*

Tai: Ah, yes, some game Companies are starting to fall, espically the recent bankruptcy of
SNK, a mini-rival of the famous Capcom. I mean, they won't make that much money if their game
cartriages are big and expensive. Maybe if only we could put a little bit of musical in this
little business.

*Kari on "Goku's Budget Preview"*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: President Goku will bring down the budget this week in the midst of conflicting economic
indicators. To preview the release of the figures is financial analyst from the Digital-Pocket
Investment Group, Davis Motomiya. Mr Motomiya, what can we expect in the budget?

*Davis: Numbers, mainly. A few percentages, a bit of addition, a smattering of subtraction and
some fairly large figures at the bottom of the page. Perhaps a few words of explanation, a
glossary of terms maybe.*

Kari: Yes, but what will these numbers represent?

*Davis: Oh, I'm sorry, I misunderstood you. These numbers, by and large, will represent amounts
of money.*

Kari: No, I mean what changes to expenditure do you predict.

*Davis: Silly me. No, I'm with you now. Our analysis indicates the budget will either be a
surplus, a deficit, or a balanced budget.*

Kari: Isn't that true of any budget?

*Davis: More or less.*

Kari: Don't you have any specific predictions?

*Davis: Oh, you mean like speculation on, say, increases to health, education or Monster
training?*

Kari: Exactly.

*Davis: No.*

Kari: But I thought you were a financial analyst?

*Davis: I am. But this is a pre-election budget, you're talking to the wrong person.*

Kari: Well who should I be talking to?

*Davis: Santa Claus.*

Kari: Sorry for wasting your time.

*Davis: Not at all. I like fantasy as much as the next person. *

*Matt on "Nicking Fics"*

Matt was in a bookshop...

Matt: Fanfiction writers lose reviewers a year through plagiarism and stolen fanfiction.
Now you might be tempted to say that anyone who writes a fic for Battlefield Earth
deserves no sympathy, and that reviews make up nearly 10% of their ideas, so shut up
and enjoy the extra fun. However, a quick peek at the list of the most stolen fics reveals
an alarming social phenomenon.

Matt picks out a script from a shelf...

Matt: Of the most commonly stolen fics are done by the author Funkiechick. Why? Are we that
bereft of taste in this world? Sure, I could understand stealing from Relaxing Pikachu, or
Bellawaterflower, or even Acey, but Funkiechick? I have two theories. Either the thieves
are just plain stupid, or it's the work of one lone fanfiction aficionado doing his best to
remove all traces of that shows of a popular fic can steal your spotlight. And if so, we
salute you and keep up the good work.

Matt looks around the bookshop and hides the script under his shirt and hids behind some
shelves and walks away...

*Kari on "Ash Vs. Joy"

*Kari is at the Super Tai BOX*

Kari: A public brawl has erupted between Ash and the President of the Pokemon Medical
Association, Dr Joy, after Ash said in a radio interview that Dr Joy's only qualifications
were in the media. Dr Joy has now commenced litigation against Ash as a result of the
comments. We're joined now by our resident medical specialist, Dr Joe Kido.

*Joe: Good evening everybody.*

Kari: Dr Joe, I understand you are here to try and soothe the troubled waters between Dr Joy
and Ash, on behalf of the medical community?

*Joe: Yes I am, Kari, and I'd like to speak directly to Ash now if I may.*

Kari: Of course.

*Joe: You are a big fat pig! *

Kari: Dr Joe!

*Joe: You are completely unqualified, Ash! You know nothing about fire or wood! You're a
complete fraud!*

Kari: Are these personal attacks on Ash really necessary?

*Joe: Yes they are. I'd be happy to challenge him to a one on one debate Kari but I'm afraid
he'd eat me. *

Kari: Doctor, you're not just going to insult Ash for the rest of this interview are you?

*Joe: No, Kari, I have a number of comments to makes about his mother. She is...*

Kari: Look, Dr Joe, don't you think that maybe Ash's comments were made as part of the
typically abrasive fray of politics and that maybe, as head of the PMA, Nurse Joy is being a
little oversensitive?

*Joe: No, Kari. To question the qualifications and credibility of a doctor is a very serious
matter. I can still remember the shockwaves throughout the medical community when we
discovered that Dr Who was not a real doctor. Neither as it turned out were Dr Jones, Dr
Seuss and I myself still have some nagging doubts about Doc Ock. But Nurse Joy is a real
doctor, and she has a framed piece of paper on the wall in her surgery to prove it. *

Kari: I think that what Ash was getting at, albeit in a rather rude and tactless manner, was
that as a doctor, Nurse Joy did not have specialised knowledge in the matter of cholesterol
lowering drugs which were under review.

*Joe: Look, Kari, being a doctor is a lot more than just handing out buckets of antibiotics
and saying "I think you might have a virus. Its been going around"; there are also a lot of
referrals. *

Kari: So Dr Joy and the PMA will have your unquestioned support in this litigation?

*Joe: I will always support a decent and hardworking organization that fights for the rights
of doctors and patients but until then I will support the PMA.*

Kari: Do you think that as a result of this litigious atmosphere Ash will be more respectful
to doctors in future?

*Joe: Well, that's hard to say Kari. I just hope for his sake that he doesn't get sick. It
would be a welcome change for something to go intentionally wrong during one of my
operations.*

Kari: Dr Joe we'll leave it there.

*Joe: I don't think you're qualified to make that judgement, Kari. You're not a real
journalist are you? *

*Tai on "Chiko Ritas"*

Tai: A furore has erupted over a recent billboard advertising Chiko Ritas. If you're not
familiar with a Chiko Rita poster then chances are you haven't been inside a fish and chip
shop since the seventies. Basically they involve Television, motorbikes and a Chiko Rita.
Certain members of the community have complained that the Television eternally associated
with these handy goods in a tube are irrelevant and salacious.

Tai: Now we could make hundreds of suggestive jokes about the Chiko Ritas. For instance did
you know it is a Pokemon that still is going out with twenty something guys? I mean who does
know who it is? Cloud Strife? But we won't! Because there is an underlying issue here that
needs to be addressed.

Tai: According to research 60% of Digie and Pokies have a problem with comedic themes in TV
ads and magazines. Now it's very difficult to argue against the fact that there's too much
insanity in advertising. Ultimately, what has a 23-year old Aquarius being a comedian with
a girl and a guy? If you examined it closely. Nothing.

Tai: But, from the smutty pottery of the Ancient Digies to the afternoon visitations of your
average idiot: comedy sells. It always has and always will. And as far as the humble Chiko
Rita goes, I'll be honest with you. I eat them. But I don't eat them because I think they're
a valuable source of vanity. I eat them because I think girls find me attractive doing it.

*Kari on "Women In Dragonball GT"

*Kari is sitting in front of the Super Tai BOX*

Kari: As DBZ luminaries celebrate the hundredth anniversary of the formation of the Party,
Son Goku has boasted that the Dragonball GT Party has met its affirmative action target for
women in Goverment one year ahead of schedule. His spokesman is Trunks Briefs. Mr Briefs, I
expected a female spokesperson.

*Trunks: We've already met our quota, Kari. Let's not go overboard.*

Kari: What was the target?

*Trunks: Women viewers silly enough to believe that they should base their vote on this as an
issue.*

Kari: I mean what was the target for female representation in the Dragonball GT Party?

*Trunks: Our 1985 affirmative action plan was to have 35 per cent of seats needed to form
government filled by women by 2002. And not just by recruiting Digimon leaders.*

Kari: And Senator Mimi's win in the run-by-election has tipped the balance...

*Trunks: Yes, we've already got 18 women in the Senate and nine others pre-selected in seats
we will have to win to get a majority in the Senate.*

Kari: Very impressive. And of the 18 women currently in the Senate, how many have shadow
portfolios?

*Trunks: Well, there's Videl, of course. She's still DBGT I think. And Chichi, although
I haven't seen her for a while. Um, Pan - she's a woman.*

Kari: So three. Out of 30 in the Dragonball shadow secretaries. And even with Bulma Briefs
and Number 18 in the Senate, there's only five women out of 30. That's not 35 per cent.

*Trunks: We never said we'd give them important jobs. We still want to win the next election.*

Kari: These women don't get a lot of publicity either, do they. Not many people would know
who Son Chichi or Son Videl or Son Pan are.

*Trunks: (silence)*

Kari: They're in the Dragonball GT Party.

*Trunks: Of course they are. And if they want more publicity as Dragonball Women we can
always arrange for a moving truck to drive into their house. Or table some dodgy petition in
Goverment. Or if all else fails at least write an article about how much they love the
Digies.*

Kari: One of your former Dragonball Z members, Marion said last week she'd like to see a
female President in the next ten years.

*Trunks: Well Son Goku cries a lot and has problems with his weight and hair - does that
count?*

Kari: I don't think so.

*Trunks: Well the Pokies did have James Starmach as leader for a while. And I think
everyone would agree that Ash Ketchum qualifies as a complete...*

Kari: I think we'll leave it there, shall we.

*Tai on 'sPY CAMERAS"*

Tai: We are becoming increasingly paranoid and less-trusting as a society. We used to spy on
other countries, or for other countries, but the availability and affordability of tiny
cameras means that everyone is getting in on the act. Spying through the curtains at the
neighbours was just the first step, now were spying on our own houses! On our own families!
The sale of miniature spy cameras has risen by three hundred percent over the past three
years, with people hiding the devices inside smoke alarms, clock faces even children's toys.

Tai: All of a sudden there's Dob-Me-In Agumon and Covert Veemon with Surveillance Digi-beetle
parked out the front of Ken's house wondering what Wormmon is doing there. The upside is that
parents will finally be able to catch children out when they're lying. "A fuzzy Digimon came
in and tipped the glass of milk over." What's going to be scary is playing back the tape and
realising the kid wasn't lying! The cameras are also being used to spy on Digimons. Which
I've always found strange because if your concerned about the Digimon why leave your kid
with them in the first place?

Tai: And if your suspicious a neighbour is stealing your newspaper, don't set up spy cameras
and start filming the lawn. Do what any rational idiotic being would do. Stay up all night
with a flashlight taped to the barrel of a shotgun. *Tai grabs a baseball bat and waits*

*Kari on "Dragonball party Recruitment"*

As Kari is sitting at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: The Goku's Dragonball Party has decided to advertise for people who would be
interested in standing as Dragonball candidates for Goverment. Head of Dragonball Party
recruitment is Yam cha. Yamcha you're advertising for, "Men and women of talent."

*Yamcha: Yes we decided to try something new for the Dragonball Party. We've already tried men
and women of mediocrity, men and women of ego, men and women of self-interest, we even
tried just men men men men men, so now we thought we'd try men and women of talent.*

Kari: What sort of talent?

*Yamcha: Anything really. Bit of dancey dancey. Card tricks. Being able to keep a straight
face and not vomit during important meetings; that's very handy.*

Kari: What's wrong with the usual method of selecting Goku's Dragonball candidates?

*Yamcha: Unfortunately Vice-President Vegeta is running out of suggestions. And almost all of
the Dragonball Z girls are married now. Son Pan might still be available.*

Kari: I mean the usual preselection procedures that any political party undertakes.

*Yamcha: Well, normally we do seek candidates from across the broad spectrum of the community.*

Kari: Pokemon Trainers and lawyers...

*Yamcha: And investment bankers. Very, very broad spectrum. *

Kari: Who's conducting the job interviews?

*Yamcha: We'll have a panel of Dragonballs who know how to spot a potential candidate. *

Kari: And how do you spot a potential candidate?

*Yamcha: We have a selection test. Questions like "Who do you hate most - Mimi Tachikawa,
Mr. Giovanni or Vegeta?"*

Kari: But Vegeta is a member of the Dragonball Party.

*Yamcha: We are recruiting for the Goku's Dragonballs, Kari.*

Kari: Is the Digimon Party advertising for candidates?

*Yamcha: No, it's ease for them - they just go straight to the Senate and say "Okay, who's
retiring this week? You're in."*

Kari: The ad says "Tomorrow's leader should apply today".

*Yamcha: We wanted yesterday's leaders tomorrow but Vegeta has already got that job.*

Kari: Yamcha, good luck.

*Matt on Pokemon Poaching*

Matt was on stage...

Matt: I want to talk about Pokemon. Don't switch off. I know what you're thinking "Not
Pokemon...please not Pokemon!" It seems the next Pokemon League, which is still over 12
months away, is already attracting bad press.

Apparently the Orange and Johto Government are trying to poach some of the Trainers
including Duplica Replica and 'shocking' Ash Ketchum. Not 'shocking' Ash. And they are
prepared to pay top dollar. It's been revealed that the man with the golden gun, Lance,
turned down a million dollars to swap sides and compete for Johto come 2001 - preferring to
stay and compete for Kanto. If he's not careful that's the kind of thing that will earn
him an honorary Doctorate.

If Johto are willing to throw that kind of money around let's use the opportunity to get
rid of some of Pokemon's white elephants. Let's dismantle and send them Indigo Plateau,
let's dismantle and send them Lance. And with one million dollars on offer it's lucky
Team Rocket isn't an offical Pokemon Battle...

*

Tai: There has been surprising incidents of monsters terrorising people in the streets.
Fortunetely for us, we were able to capture one of those monsters in action on camera. We
blurred his face so that no one can reconise him. Let see...

*

A purple and green blurred-face dinosaur was pushing some people in the streets in the middle
of the day and kicking the fallen people and stole candy from a kid...and punched an old
man...and stole a TV from a TV repairman...as the dinosaur kicks a girl out of her pink car
and the purple and green blurred-face dinosaur drives off over the hill...with the police
chasing the car...

*Tai on "Team Rocket Justice"*

Tai: Pokemon coup leader, Fat Giovanni, has finally appeared in a Kanto court to face a single
charge of treason. His new lawyer is Cody Hida. Mr Hida, isn't the outcome of this trial a
foregone conclusion?

Cody: You'd think so Tai. There's no way any reasonable court could convict Fat Giovanni.
Luckily, this trial is taking place in a Johto court.

Tai: You don't think they'll find the evidence overwhelming?

Cody: It's difficult to say. I mean, what is treason?

Tai: Kidnapping the entire Government and threatening to kill them with Pokemon attacks
unless you're made President of the Pokemon League?

Cody: Look, I don't want to get into a semantic debate Tai. I'd simply remind viewers
and jurors alike that treason is just 'reason' with a T in front of it.

Tai: That's the best you can do?

Cody: Well it would have helped if my client hadn't insisted on inviting the entire
world media population to film him for two months while he was committing the so-called
treason but there you are.

Tai: Why is Mr Fat Giovanni bothering to plead not guilty?

Cody: Look, was Mr Goku convicted of treason?

Tai: No, he was made President of the DBZ territory.

Cody: And he had TWO coups. On that precedent Fat Giovanni has at least one more up his sleeve
before he should even worry about treason charges or elective office.

Tai: So, he would commit treason again?

Cody: This is Kanto, Tai. Treason comes along every year around July the 4th. It's a bit
of fun for the tourists. Treason season. If you book now you can stay two free nights in the
President's home while he's being held hostage in the Goverment House.

Tai: Thanks for the tip.

*Matt on "Goku's Landslide"*

Matt is near the Goverment House...

Matt: What do Goku and Ash have in common? Spikey hair. Following Digimon's landslide win in
the Anime World, Misty Waters sent a warning to the Government that the hair is indeed spikey
and if they don't do something soon all the spikes in DBZ territory will go up like so much
trees. The wide black land that is Goku's is about to bite the wide backside of opposing
parties, and the sharpest tooth is still Mimi Tachikawa. Despite the media's attempts to
dismiss her as a Queen Amidalia wannabe, Mimi is closer to being the voice of Digimon that
Sora could ever aspire to.

Matt walks to a tree...

Matt: Is the victory a symptom of the terminal illness that may prove fatal to Goku's
government in November? Naturally the federal conservatives are using the time honoured
defence of territory based issues. Cold comfort to the Terriroty's Pokemon leader who will
arrive at work on the same bike. So Goku, what are you going to do? Apparently Vegeta has
already hired an image consultant and surely you can't keep running around the hair pointing
at your head like it was some kind of policy.

Matt sits on a bench...

Matt: But don't panic... no pressure, 9 months is a long time in politics. Besides, Dragonball
Z still loves you. That means relax, kick back there's still 3 elections to go. Watch some
TV, there are some phrases you should get to know.

Matt stands up...

Matt: The tribe has spoken... You are the weakest link... Goodbye.

*The Dictionary of Anime Distributors*

foreign aid: Borrowing money from America and then lending it to Distributors to appear
benevolent.

*Kari on "Joe's Technology"*

At Kari's usual seat at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: Science fiction is now one step closer to reality with the invention of a microchip
that can monitor your body's health from inside you and call for help no matter where
you are in the world. Joining us now is one of the inventors of this chip, Dr Joe Kido.
Tell us about this invention, Doctor.

*Joe: Let me stress that it's very very small. It can be implanted in the human body
undetected. My first one was about the size of a house brick and you had to remove someone's
liver just to get the battery in. It was a disaster. Patients have told me they vastly prefer
the new smaller ones. It's satellite technology at its finest.*

Kari: Did you personally invent this, Doctor?

*Joe: No, Kari. It was a group of us. So I can't take all the credit for it.*

Kari: What's it called?

*Joe: The Doctor Joe Health Tracker 2000.*

Kari: Tell us more about what it does.

*Joe: Well it has a built in global positioning system. That's so medical staff around
the world can have your records on hand and you can use it to pick up foreign television
broadcasts. *

Kari: Couldn't this theoretically result in an invasion of your privacy?

*Joe: I've never had any trouble, Kari. No one bothers my family or me at all.*

Kari: No. What I mean is do you think people will be happy having all their medical records
on the internet, available for all to see? Wouldn't it be possible to hack into someone's
personal information?

*Joe: That could happen Kari, but you have to look at the positive side. Having access to
those records can only be a useful thing. It could very well save lives. Let's say one day
you're jogging in Kanto and stub your toe on a poisonous Ekans and have a heart attack. We get
that kind of thing all the time. This device senses what has happened and calls for help.*

Kari: What happens then?

*Joe: An emergency service will find you and rush you to the nearest hospital where a
doctor will save your life. *

Kari: What if you're on holiday in a territory where the internet is less commonly used?

*Joe: Glad you asked, Kari. Then its in God's hands.*

Kari: Thank you Doctor.

*Joe: Thank you, Kari, wherever you are.*

*Tai on "GOING BACK FOR SECONDS"*

Tai was looking through a telescope...

Tai: Here I am at The Studio's observatory where observational comedy began. And do you know
what I've observed recently? It's that if the Anime Games have made us hyper aware of
time.

"100ths of a second and 1000ths of a second. "

Tai: What is this second we are hearing so much about? By definition the second is the
duration of 9 192 631 770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between
the 2 hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom - lets hear Son Goku
say that.

"Records being broken by surreal periods of time."

Tai: As if our society isn't already time obsessed enough. Our watches have second hands but
we only use them to make sure our watch is working. Nothing is fast enough. If it can be a
done in a minute we want it in 30 seconds. Instant coffee, fast food. One hour photo
developments.

"Look. There's us an hour ago!"

Tai: Think of the many ways we define time. Two shakes of a lamb's tail. Sounds like something
Grandma would say. And if she did chances your Grandmother worked on the top secret Cloning
Project. You see they figured out a single shake of a Pikachu's tail equals the time it takes
the imploding shell of uranium to reach the centre of the sphere. That's why scientists are
breeding genetically modified Pikachus in the hope of faster tail movement. If someone says
they will be with you in a jiffy...what they mean is they will be with you in the same amount
of time it takes light to travel one centimetre in a vacuum. Thanks to the believable feats
of Anime characters we should consider adding new expressions to our vernacular.

Like:

"I'll be with you in an Instant Transmissio - which would extremely fast"

"Two shakes of an Agility - self explanatory"

"I'll be back in a Howling Blaster"

Tai: We could play this game for several 1/24ths of a day. But what effect is this obsession
with time going have on us a are over? Well...all we can hope for is that the sponsors will
take a lead from our word record setting characters and do things faster and faster. Can you
imagine the euphoria if you ask Goku and they actually came round to your house and fixed the
budget in world record time. If the banks got the queues moving as fast as Goku's Instant
Transmission.

Tai: But maybe I'm just crazy and I'm trying to keep a dream alive.

*

Tai: Here are the News we have collected in the cutting room floor...

Kari: Two real life Gomamons were sacked from a stage play when the producers discovered it
was cheaper to hire an actor in a Gomamon suit.

Tai: Unfortunately the plan backfired when the actor suddenly swam south for the winter.

Kari: Using the classic maze test, scientists in Japan have shown that cellular materials
can show a primitive intelligence.

Tai: Of course the question in time has confirmed this for years.

Kari: Mimi's opposition environment spokeswoman wants to allow animals to be kept as domestic
pets.

Tai: And why not? Goku's Goverment is already full of pigs.

Kari: A Koffing has been convicted and fined 200 dollars for breaking wind in front of an
Officer Jenny in Kanto.

Tai: How's that for a gas bill?

Kari: Bus passengers in Pallet Town will soon have televisions on board to make the trip more
fun.

Tai: Of course when you get off the bus, you're still in Pallet Town.

Kari: Details emerged last week of SNK hiring a Feng Shui expert to bring prosperity into
their offices around the globe.

Tai: A closer inspection shows that the prosperity lines were directed straight into the
directors' pockets.

Kari: The latest weapon in the war on male spikeyness is a new tablet called disasteride.

Tai: It's a comb-off in a pill. Known as "snip snip" on the streets.

Kari: Digimon World 3, including Digimon the Movie, are to be included in a new computer RPG.

Tai: Digies sold separately.

Kari: A research paper on happiness has been released and one of the findings was that some
men were happier when they worked 45 hours or more.

Tai: Yes... but not in a row.

Kari: Experts have found that shark fins contain exceptionally high levels of mercury making
shark's fin soup more dangerous than the whole shark.

Tai: Since when did a bowl of soup rip your leg off?

Kari: P.Oak has suggested that a long holiday with little mental stimulation could lead to a
20 point fall in your IQ.

Tai: Since this doesn't fit with Knowledge Animes, expect President Goku to ban holidays.

*Kari on "The Pilot"

Kari: Recently, FOX has been arguing on whether we should show this new show...currently, The
Studio took a peek at the pilot and here it is...

*The Weakest Digi-Destined*

Kari is sitting at a desk in her Digimon 01 outfit with the other 8 Digi-destined in their 02
outfits while standing on 2 seperate stages with the word [Tai Live] in the background...

Kari: Ok, now that we have 8 Digi-destined here. Since we are going alphabertically, we're
starting with Cody. Cody, which Anime would you choose? Pokemon or Digimon?

Cody: Pokemon.

Kari: That is incorrect. The FOX answer is Digimon. Sora, what is FOX's agenda?

Sora: I resign.

Kari: Correct, Izzy, what is FOX's other agenda?

Izzy: Oh crap.

Kari: That is incorrect. The FOX answer is "Excellence". Joe, what are the pillars of FOX?

Joe: The Simpsons...

Kari: And?

Joe: Digimon.

Kari: Correct. Yolei, what is the main controversy of FOX?

Yolei: The Simpsons?

Kari: That is incorrect. The FOX answer is Digimon. TK, what is the main story about Digimon?

TK: The story is about Digital Monsters that meets 7 kids.

Kari: Correct. Ken, why did FOX get Digimon?

Ken: They wanted it to be shown to kids...

Kari: Incorrect. The FOX answer is money. Davis, why did we need to shove a certificate up the
Head of FOX's bottom?

Davis: Because he censored us?

Kari: Davis, that answer is incorrect and you are the weakest Digi-Destined.

As Kari turns around to face the auidences, she faces back to Davis and says, "Goodbye."

*

Kari is on stage...

Kari: Currently, the 2 Anime parties, Pokemon and Digimon, are under heavy controversy over
having guns in the show. I have sent our "Taiing" reporter Tai on the case...

*

Tai was listening to Heavy Metal music...

Tai: Heavy metal, one of the reasons for guns in Animes...

*

Tai was walking next to Irvine Kinneas...

Tai: This is Irvine from Galbadia. Irvine, why do they allow kids to play with guns?

*Gunshot was heard in the background...*

Tai: Ignore that. IT was just a sound effect.

Irvine: Well, we train kids here to use guns effictively and treat them with respect.

Tai: You mean like, cleaning, maintanence, safety...

Irvine: Well, when the safety catch is off, everything goes.

*Another gunshot was heard*

Tai: Will you cut the effects already?!

*

Tai is standing next to TK...

Tai: So, little boy, ever touch a gun before?

TK: Yeah, I did.

Tai: So, did you ever want to shoot people or feel violent?

TK: No.

Tai: How about video games, heavy metal music, action movies, bullying, thievery, robbery?

TK: No.

Tai: So, you're not afraid of a rifle?

TK: Why the heck I'm afraid when I got a semi-automatic rifle? *takes out an M-16*

*

Heavy metal music is heard in the background...

Tai: And hence, we must know that if there is a high school that uses guns, watch out while
you're stealing from them or you might get the "firing squad".

*Tai Ads*

Narrator: Look up in the sky...its a bird, its a plane...

Chibi-Gohan points to the sky (from one Dragonball Z episode) and instead of seeing King
Cold's ship, was 4 men wearing white suits with a blue R on it while flying the sky...

Narrator: No, Its ROCKET MEN!!!

President Goku was in a press confrence, Vice-President Vegeta was submitting his votes, James
of Team Rocket sitting in office and Opposition Leader of the DBZ, Emperor Ken waving at a
crowd in the same place where JF Kennedy was shot...

Narrator: These people are just normal Anime Politicians but when there is crisis in the Anime
economy, they become "Rocket Men"!!! And what do these Rocket men have in common?

Goku was posing in the white outfit with the blue R in it.

Goku:- US$2 million

Vegeta is also posing in the costume...

Vegeta:- US$1.5 million

James posing in his normal Team Rocket outfit only with the R is colored Blue...

James:- US$1 million

Ken is in the white costume with the blue R posing...

Ken:- US$500, 000

Narrator: Money.

The 4 Rocket Men were posing and carrying money sacks with the green US$...

Narrator: That's right, money, as they will save themselves from bankruptcy...coming soon, to
an Anime election near you...

The Rocket Men flew up into the sky carrying the money bags...

*Kari on GT Election*

Kari is at the Super Tai BOX...

Kari: The Dragonball GT has won its second consecutive state election, a stark contrast to
Dragonball Z Party which is hoping to overcome two consecutive election losses with a win
later this year. To discuss the lessons from the GT election we're joined by Trunks Briefs.
Mr Briefs what lessons are in this for the Goku's Dragonball Z Party?

*Trunks: For a start we didn't promise to roll anything back.*

Kari: Nothing at all?

*Trunks: No we had actual policies. *

Kari: Really?

*Trunks: Oh yes. Health, education, welfare, defence...*

Kari: And you just... TOLD people about them?

*Trunks: No point in keeping them secret is there? I mean we were running for Government, not
the CIA.*

Kari: Was the victory directly due to Goku's leadership?

*Trunks: Obviously Goku is a strong leader, but he was also up against a non-descript balding
conservative prat with no charisma.*

Kari: Right.

*Trunks: Vegeta also had nobody behind him really. I mean, I imagine Mr Vegeta has to face a
formidable government team.*

Kari: Mr. Giovanni, Senator Mimi Tachikawa, Emperor Ken, President Goku,

*Trunks: I see. And Mr Vegeta is still in opposition... Ah, has he murdered someone or
strangled a puppy or something? *

Kari: The opinion polls are suggesting he shouldn't lose this time.

*Trunks: Terrific. What's he doing?*

Kari: Nothing, why, any tips?

*Trunks: Has he tried figuring out what the conservatives are doing and then promising to do
the same thing but pretending to care more?*

Kari: You mean like keep a GST but maybe roll it back.

*Trunks: No, nothing that pathetic. I mean just take any conservative policy and match it.*

Kari: Like promising not to raise taxes under any circumstances?

*Trunks: Exactly. *

Kari: Wouldn't that just ultimately mean a choice between a conservative government and a
slightly less conservative government?

*Trunks: We prefer to see it as the choice between a very, very conservative government and a
very conservative government. And why not get him to try calling himself "New Dragonball Z".*

Kari: Why?

*Trunks: Well it makes you sound like an FM radio station. Thanks to public education most
young people are so stupid they might think they're voting for the top forty.*

Kari: Mr Briefs I'll pass that on to Mr Vegeta.

*Matt on "MOBILE CANCER"*

Matt: Debate continues over whether or not mobile phones cause cancer in much the same way
as we debated for many years as to whether cigarettes cause cancer...but at least we've
stopped selling those to children. We offered a spokesman for the mobile phone industry
the opportunity to take part in a phone interview but he declined saying he'd rather write
us a letter.

*Tai on "Verbal Judo"*

Tai was on stage...

Tai: Recently, officers in the Kanto area have been suffering from verbal abuse, so the
goverment decided to train officers to "Verbal Judo" to prevent police brutality. With us
here is "Verbal Judo" Dojo master, Sensei Jenny.

Jenny: Thank you.

Tai: So, Sensei, how do you use "Verbal Judo"?

Jenny: Well, Verbal Judo is a process which train officers in the art of countering offending
words from the suspect without using violence.

Tai: Could you demonstrate to us a bit of "Verbal Judo"?

Jenny: Sure. Insult me.

Tai: Are you really sure?

Jenny: I'm positive.

Tai: Ok. "You are a B!+C#!"

Jenny got up on one leg and does a bit of kung fu swings with her hands and then stood at
attention...

Jenny: Is there a problem, sir?

Tai: Is that it? Maybe I was too soft. I'll try again. "YOU ARE A USELESS W#0R3 THAT IS ALSO
A B!+C# THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO HER JOB AS A POLICE OFFICER!!!"

Jenny does a bit of Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li poses, and then oes a few more karate
moves and then stood at attention...

Jenny: What seems to be the problem, sir?

Tai: Are you teaching offices to be polite?

Jenny roughly grabs Tai by the collar...

Jenny: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAT LIP, BOY?!

Then Jenny suddenly released Tai and got to her knees on the mat...

Jenny: I'm a disgrace to my dojo.

Jenny grabs a Yellow Pages phone book and hits her head with it...

*Kari on "Super Digimon Goverment Man"

Super Tai BOX with Kari at her usual place...

Kari: In the past week both Pokemon and Digimon Party Members have been focussing on the
need to change the current superannuation entitlements for Party Members. Agumon is an
ambassador elected in 2001. Mr Agumon, why the sudden focus on superannuation?

*Agumon: It was a Digimon initiative, Kari. With an election coming up most Digimon members
thought it probably a good time to focus on our superannuation.*

Kari: And will it change?

*Agumon: If it's deemed necessary.*

Kari: To take sample figures from the Daily Digi-World using the example of Digimon
Party Member Izumi Koushiro. He's 20 years old. He's been in Goverment 5 years. If he
loses his seat he'll be entitled to $69,000 a year for the rest of his life.

*Agumon: I don't think 20 year olds who have been Digimon Party Members for 8 years have much
of a life, Kari.*

Kari: If he lives for another forty-fifty years, that comes to about $1.8 million, while he
has contributed only about $80,000.

*Agumon: And what's your point? *

Kari: Doesn't that seem amazingly unfair?

*Agumon: I spoke to Izzy yesterday Kari, he seems perfectly happy. *

Kari: Isn't this why Party Members' super needs attention?

*Agumon: Let's not get carried away with this change stuff. We need some compensation for the
lack of job security. We could lose our jobs after three years.*

Kari: Unlike, say, one SNK worker who could lose their job in three weeks.

*Agumon: Diffrent collaspe, Kari. But, yes but to the SNK worker redundancy is a surprise, we
have to stare down that opinion poll abyss for three long years. *

Kari: At the moment most Party Members can have access to their superannuation from the time
they leave Parliament. They don't have to wait to age 30 like other Digi-Destined.

*Agumon: Well a Party Member isn't like other Digi-Destined.*

Kari: Why not?

*Agumon: We have this amazing super scheme. *

Kari: Yes, on average nearly 70 per cent of a Party Member's super payout is covered by the
taxpayers.

*Agumon: You mean the losers who elected us. Bitch, bitch, bitch.*

Kari: Mr Agumon... You wouldn't be deliberately trying to lose your seat to collect your
super would you?

*Agumon: Did I mention that most voters in my electorate were whinging idiots? *

Kari: Mr Agumon, thanks for your time.

*Agumon: Thanks. It's been super.*

*

Tai: Its caption time...

*Picture one: Goku is standing in front of an American Flag with a hand raised*

Tai: Goku letting his invisible friend sing the National Anthem of America...

*Picture two: Giovanni was looking at a miniture king-size bed...*

Tai: Mr. Giovanni is giving seal of approval for a new apartment...

*Picture three: Dollet soldiers and SeeD members run on a beach...*

Tai: Balamb Garden got paid to do a re-enactment of the Vietnam War...

*Picture four: Vegeta and Krillin were on oppersite sides in a Senate...*

Tai: Krillin has given everyone in the world an opportuinty to be a millionare after giving
an opportunity to people to phone a friend.

*Picture Five: Vegeta is seen rasing his arms...*

Tai: Vegeta auditioning for roles in the new Teletubbies.

*Picture Six: Mewtwo waving his arms to a sky...*

Tai: Mewtwo auditioning for a role as another Teletubby...

*Picture Seven: A Tire rolling down a hill...*

Tai: A tyre has become a new sportsman of the year...

*Tai Ads*

*20th Century FOX music is play*
A curtain rises, showing Senator Mimi...

Narrator: Now is a moment where Senator Mimi in her latest play, "Singing in the Senate" with
her latest song, "The Wizardmon"

Mimi: The Wizardmon does not rule this Digimon party, I do.

Narrator: Senator Mimi is not the first paranoid Senator to be seen worldwide. There were many
other senators who were paranoid, the guy with the big hat, the kid who is wearing pink and
many more. But this is the diffrent Senator comapred to the other Paranoid senators...
because...

Mimi: The Wizardmon does not rule this Digimon party, I do.

*Tai on "Home shopping"*

Tai: In a few years time, home shoping will be avalible on fanfics. Yep, you need not have any
more advertisements when all you need is a mouse. Ok, *a black cursor is pointing to the
background* Ok, now on screen, you should see an arrow. Now, if you want to buy, like the
shirt I'm wearing, move the arrow on my shirt and click on it and the price in the bottom
right corner of the screen should say how much my shirt cost.

-

The arrow clicks on Tai's shirt, making the caption in the bottom right corner read:

Anime character
US$4000

-

Tai: Or maybe this desk I'm sitting at.

-

The arrow points on the table, making the caption read:

Tai's Table
US$3000
"Yeah, I'm also Tai too."

-

Tai: And that will make every fanfic become your next type of homeshopping. Like those
Mastercard ads will say, "The Tai Live sign at the back: Priceless".

-

The caption reads:

"You're wrong Tai, you're wrong."
$1

-

*Next week on Tai Live:

Barney was standing in front of a crowd...

Kari: Goku plans to use Barney the purple Dinosaur as the next mascot...

Goku at a press confrence...

Goku: Whatever I want to say is that we're not the Yankee Doodles around here.

Kari: Senator Mimi finds new words to use...

Mimi was walking to a shop...

On a television show...

Mimi: I'll be sincere this time. I sincerely say that I must be truthful.

Kari: Jeffy Letterguy corrects himself...

On the same TV show...

Jeffy: I maybe saying that sometimes, Rini...I mean Mimi...

Kari: Senator Mimi amd Mr. Gio place a bet that the coffee table in Goku's room has a higher
IQ than the President...

Mimi: This will prove who is the better monster party if we place the bet on the table.

Kari: Mr. Gio announces his guess on the election results...

Giovanni: My guess is around 60 to 200 thousand people will vote for us. Because the people
will vote for us.

*

*Tai Ads: The Fugitives*

Scene shows people rioting in a refuge camp...

Tai: Look out, riots have been starting to get violent. And some refugees have escaped.
The people who have been put there has been innocent, and are victims of the tiny man
with big hair...

Goku is at a press confrence...

Tai: But these fugitives have took a hike towards Odaiba, so watch out. Don't do anything. To
watch the Fugitives, watch FOX NEWS!!!

*Matt on SNK'S WOES*

Matt is standing at a balcony with cars in the background...

Matt: It used to be one for all and all for SNK. But not any more...and you know, when any
relationship goes bad, it's the kids you feel sorriest for. Young Terry and Andy. They
were doing their best. Fresh faced young bucks, all hormones and cash. I mean let's be
honest if you're Dad gave you a billion dollars when you were in your twenties you'd have
blown it too. I would have bought the magic beans from the travelling visionary, Athena.
Think of the impression he must have made on these two muddles in short pants - "Stick with me
kids" he would have said "and we'll be on the front page of every paper in this
territory...even the ones you don't own".

Matt sits on a chair...

Matt: Sure the whole thing's collapsed, but the two young guns have no doubt learnt a very
valuable, billion dollar lesson. It won't happen again...you don't profoundly mislead a Packer
twice. And you can bet these boys aren't quitters. Remember - The Team Rocket's first Meowth
balloon never left the ground. But did they give up? No. They kept going, because they had the
spirit of perseverance. And a rock solid bicycle business to fall back on. Maybe that should
be Terry and Andy next investment - a bicycle business. Then, worst comes to worst...only
two wheels can fall off.

*Tai on "Wrong ways"*

Tai: James "Wrong Way" Starmach is going to Moonies Land. That's right the secratary for cheap
foreign accommodation, is to visit Moonies Land to discourage the Moonies from visiting us.
Good job he doesn't handle our tourism. He's talking to asylum seekers and telling them to
seek asylum somewhere else. Although he better be careful he doesn't discourage the people we
do want seeking asylum in this territory - potential medal winning athletes and supermodels.
For the rest, James should give them a trick map that shows them how to get to "Kanto" which
is in fact The Digi-World, a territory where they still practice cannibalism. (Can we get that
fact checked?) And make sure you pack your bags yourself, James...a couple of those crafty
asylum seekers might try and sneak in as your hand luggage.

*Kari on "Trying to be Green"*

Kari: The recent budget has pushed economic management to the forefront of election
issues. And the Balloon by-election could prove to be a benchmark for popular opinion
regarding both Digimon and Goku's economic strategy. I'm joined live in the studio by
Digimon's campaign strategists Matt Ishida from the 01 side.

Matt: Pleasure, mate.

Kari: And Jun Motomiya from the 02 side.

Jun: Good evening.

Kari: Ready for a vigorous economic debate?

Jun: The budget is my shirt.

Matt: Bring it on.

Kari: And as special moderator for this debate, Senator Mimi Tachikawa, in charge of Green
Digies preference allocation.

Matt: Oh, shit.

Jun: Well, I won't be needing these notes. *toss the notes away*

Kari: Mr Ishida, opening economic statement?

Matt: Yeah. Well... our economic strategy is... like... the... the forest! Carefully
managed to... maximise usage... while... not depleting resources.

Kari: Ms Jun?

Jun: Okay. Um, my team sees the economic future of The Digi-World as similar to...
well, not unlike... an over-salinated river. Corrections must be made to... keep the river...
of economic flow in a state of... reduced salt.

Kari: Really.

Matt: If I could just add that if one sees monetary flow as some sort of... renewable energy
resource...

Jun: And the currency market as like emissions from... a greenhouse type of thing...

Matt: And the whole issue of the global economic future is... pretty much... a... well, a
bill waiting to be ratified.

Jun: And you have to remember money doesn't grow on trees. Tall, beautiful majestic inspiring
trees.

Kari: Comments, Senator?

Mimi: Compost.

*Tai on "Educating Boys"*

Tai: It has been revealed that the learning experience alienates young boys and that's why
they don't do well. That's a relief... I thought I was stupid... that's what it said on my
report cards. But apparently the reason I didn't do well is because schooling conflicted with
my primitive urges. It makes so much sense. I couldn't articulate it at the time. Granted, if
I'd paid closer attention in English I might have had a better chance.

Tai: Sitting still and paying attention is not what young boys are good at. We're hunters and
gathering not factorisers and conjugaters. Why do you think boys spend their days carving
their names into the furniture... it's a primitive instinct... it's cave painting. Young
boys are always accused of cheating - they're not cheating - they are hunting and gathering
the answers. You never take on a mammoth head on... you go round the back and look for an
easier way of doing it... and you always take your mates.

Tai: Boys need their education to be a bit more rough and tumble. They need the teacher to
use more verbs. Instead of the teacher asking how many times does seven divide into fifty,
they should be asking how many sevens are need to beat the crap out of fifty. Boys don't need
to be trouble about having one left over. They would rather just round it up... like they'll
be doing when they work for Fuji film. And there must be ovals for the boys to spend their
lunchtime beating the weaker kids up. It's pure Digivolution theory.

Tai: Did you know that 80% of teachers in this territory are female? Which causes confusion
in young boys that are beginning to recognise their maleness. We need more men teachers.
There is a need to make teaching more manly. Beefcake chemistry teachers who can mix chemicals
while stripped to the waste and holding a Bunsen burner in their teeth. And let's include more
manly questions in exams. Enough of discussing Hamlet - let's see questions like Pokemon
versus Digimon - compare and contrast.

*

Tai: More pictures from the week that came in...

*Pic 1: Vegeta raises up a construction net.*

Tai: Vice-President prepares the anti-missile net.

*Pic 2: Goku is about to shake hands with Mr. Giovanni*

Tai: 2 great leaders want the other to pull their finger.

*Pic 3: A group of soldiers outside a McAnimes restraunt*

Tai: Terrorists demand the release of the hamburger thief.

*Pic 4: A group of soldiers were aiming their guns towards a desert*

Tai: America's funniest Home Videos is there without the funny voices.

*Pic 5: Gary's car crashed through a house*

Tai: Desperate Gary Oak does door-to-door.

*Tai Ads*

Narrator: Tennis, the greatest sport ever played by women.

*Sora uses a tennis racket*

Narrator: So, how do you avoid this?

THE CONTRACEPTIVE PILL!!!

Narrator: For amateurs, there's condoms and special spermicides to help you lose weight.

Sora jumps over the net and does a wild victory dance with Biyomon covering her face with
embarassment...

Narrator: It will save you the trouble of exercising, if you go on...

THE CONTRACEPTIVE PILL!!!

*Tai on Warring Pokemon Trainers*

Tai: It was proving to be the biggest concern involving Pokemon Trainers since Mr. Giovanni
started making house calls - "Ash Vs. Joy" - It had gone on too long and was affecting the
implementation of important health policy. It was time for mediation at the highest level. But
who to turn to? Professor Oak was long retired. Professor Ivy was concentrating on colouring
in all the rogue trainers on her map, Giovanni wouldn't be here until September, and everyone
else was busy.

Tai was seen standing on the stage in front of a large audience...

Tai: That left one man: Son "I'm an idiot" Goku. Using all the skills he learnt from flicking
between ER and the West Wing, he brought the sparring Pokemon Trainers, Ash and Joy,
to the negotiating table. Using deft diplomacy and the force of his personality the President
got results.

Tai was seen on camera...

Tai: Sure Ash refused to apologise, and Joy was still going to sue, and they still hated each
others' guts, but both knew that they had to try and work together otherwise Goku
might give them another stern talking to, and that's enough to put fear into the harvested
organs of any doctor. Buoyed by his resounding triumph, the President will no doubt call his
travel agent and book an immediate flight to America. He's on a roll!

*Kari on "Balloon Elections"*

Kari: With the Balloon by-election this Saturday, both President Son Goku and his opponent Mr.
Giovanni are claiming the underdog status. We're joined by Goku's strategist Gray Edwards and
Giovanni's spokesman Harry Potter. First Mr Edwards, this seat is held by the Goku's, but you
still maintain the Goku's candidate is the underdog?

Gray: Oh definitely, Kari. The best we're hoping for is for our candidate not to be tarred
and feathered and have his house burnt down so, anything better than that will be a bonus.

Kari: Mr Potter?

Harry: Well as you can see Kari, Goku's party are cocky and with good reason. Our candidate is
expecting to the strung up in the local shopping mall and disembowelled with his entrails
spread around Balloon by a pack of wild pigs. Anything better than that will be a bonus.

Kari: So, essentially we're going to go through the same old childish charade of both of you
pretending to be the underdog so you won't be seen as complacent.

Gray: Goku's party are certainly not complacent, Kari. We'd be happy just to get away with
having our candidate's head impaled on a sharp stick.

Harry: Smug bastards, aren't they? We're just hoping that only three of the Four Horsemen of
the Apocalypse appear on polling day and trample our candidate to death.

Kari: Don't you get tired of doing this?

Gray: We'd be happy if they use a tight noose to...

Kari: Oh for heaven's sake. Is anyone going to admit being at all confident that their party
might have a tiny weeny smidgin of a chance of winning on Saturday?

BOTH: (inaudible protestations)

Kari: Stop. Now don't get too excited, I'm going to read you some figures from the
Digi-World's poll and I don't want to hear that...

BOTH: THERE'S ONLY ONE POLL THAT COUNTS KARI!!

Kari: Right, we're leaving it there.

*Tai on "Monster Models"*

Tai: Ok, ever notice that with the tension between Digimon and Pokemon, we seem to be kept in
the middle of nowhere. Well, with the latest models the Tai Live crew recieved, the people
will be getting their just deserts. Like the first model, the "house of cards" model, or the
"house of cards and baseball bat model"

Tai uses a baseball bat and whacks the house of cards...

Tai: The disadvantage is that this model is hard to come by. Then, there's the "Balloon"
model, better known as the "pin in the balloon model".

Tai pops the balloon...

Tai: The disadvantage for that model is that no one knows who is the pin, Pokemon or Digimon.
Finally, the final model, the "Ekans keeper model". Well, all I just need to do is put a piece
of food that looks like a Pikachu into the "Ekans Keeper".

Tai puts the food inside, and then he grabs the bat and hits the keeper a few times to get a
reaction and puts the bat down...

Tai: Anyway, this disadvantage of this one is that we want to know who is the bait?
In common sense, its the Dragonball Z goverment.

*Kari on Stolen BODY BITS*

Kari: With an investigation being launched into allegations that human organs are being
removed and kept in two medical institutions by Dr. Hojo, we cross now to our resident
medical correspondent Doctor Joe Kido. Doctor, this revelation has caused quite an uproar.

Joe: There's no need for people to get upset about this. They'll burst a kidney... or even
strain a uterus.

Kari: I see. So, Doctor, what do you have to say about the organ- harvesting issue?

Joe: You see, Kari, people don't understand that occasionally in medicine various parts of
a person can go missing. Like an arm or a leg, some fillings, a phone, the other arm, a ring,
a gold watch. Perfectly normal. Just think of it as patients doing a runner.

Kari: But to the general public this sounds like a terrible abuse of the deceased.

Joe: That's not abuse of the deceased, Kari. Abuse would be if I drove my car over some
dead man's spleen. And since I don't drink anymore that's unlikely to ever happen again.

Kari: So you have no qualms about this, Doctor?

Joe: People have a hard time letting go of the deceased, Kari. Particularly after a death.
So this way if anyone comes to me and says, I really miss my grandfather I can point to a
glass jar and say to them, Look! There's his colon. There's his duodenum. Here are his rude
bits. It's almost like he's here with us now.

Kari: I see. The Pokemon Medical association president Dr Joy said, and I quote, "until now
Shinra and Square had not appeared to want to know details". Do you honestly believe that
Square and Shinradon't want to know?

Joe: That's right, Kari and I have to agree with her. You see after you've been doing
medicine for as long as we have you can't help but learn how the public would respond. All of
us round the table, which was "square" by the way, knew that the public would like us to treat
their dead bodies as a smorgasbord.

Kari: So how do you feel knowing that some members of the public would be "squarely" against
the unauthorized use of their relative's organs?

Joe: You have beautiful eyes, Kari. They really are lovely. Could I send you some forms to
fill out?

Kari: We'll see you later, Doctor.

*Matt on "Knowedge Animes"*

Matt: Son "Yoda" Goku has released the blueprint for Knowledge Animes. By now we've all seen
this.

Matt shows the meatballs & spaghetti diagram, which is just meatballs & spaghetti in a bowl...

Matt: I love it. I think it should be printed on every placemat at every fast food outlet
belonging to McAnimes. Make the placemats smarter, you make the people smarter! When I first
saw this chart I took up the challenge and managed to color most of it in without going
outside the lines.

Matt stands on stage holding the bowl of food...

Matt: When Goku launched Knowledge Animes he said he was staking his political future on it...
and Vegeta was right there with him. Of course if it all goes belly up, Goku's probably
stuffed but Vegeta's got all the money and white goods he's won on quiz shows to fall back on.

The camera gets closer to Matt...

Matt: What are the nuts and bolts of Knowledge Animes? Lots and lots of money is going to
nerds. Important nerds. Lifesaving nerds. Hopefully Nobel prize winning nerds.

Matt eats a meatball...

Matt: No doubt some of you are sitting at home now thinking "Alright... give the professors
the money, but if I don't see a cure for cancer within a year I want the money back, so we can
give it to Ash. He's a dead set champion... and I can understand everything he says!" Goku's
vision doesn't stop there! He wants at least nine out of ten kids to finish Grade 12.
Again we're not sure if he's consulted the kids on this one but with brain makeovers being
handed out like sweets, how can they say no to all that extra-homework?

Matt puts the food on a table...

Matt: It's all very well spending great gobs of cash on research and development and genomes
and scientists but "What", you ask, "is Knowledge Animes going to do for ordinary Anime
characters who have left school and aren't scientists? Can I be sure it will make me more
intelligent and stop me being so stupid that I give the rent money into a pokie every week?"
We must guard against becoming an intellectually snobby Animes and all of a sudden we get
smart lanes on freeways and Jerry McGuire replaced with someone qualified to ask tough
questions. Obviously, the biggest question to be answered is: What will Knowledge Animes cost?
Well Goku is still working on that one, and he has promised us costed policies that will be
fiscally responsible and presented before the next election. I'm not quite sure what that
means, but under Goku's government, I'll be smart enough to figure it out.

*

Tai: Now, is our stand-up comedian of the episode, Storm Da Elite!

Storm was near the desk...

Storm: Great, anyway, for starters, I just want to say that I am indeed surprised by the
diffrent themes these comercials give out. Some of them can sometimes confuse you. I mean,
there's this one on this brand of chocolate bars, where it says, "A Mars a day makes you work,
rest and play." Ok, work, rest and play. That is one confusing quote. Its like you're playing
soccer as the goalkeeper and then you suddenly fall asleep. Ok, that is one weird thing, but
here's another weird thing to say. "GO YOU BIG RED FIRE ENGINE"! I never seen a big red fire
engine before but I did see a little one that is red. Anyway, to finish this off, I will make
an re-enactment of what happened to me this morning...

Storm combs his hair (represented by his paw), making squeeky noises...and then he mimics
using a tap to push his fur down, only for it to stand up...

Storm: Thank you.

*

Back at Tai's desk...

Tai: Ok, that's it for tonight, I would like to thank our guests who have been here tonight.
Next time on Tai Live, I will interview the whole cast of Pokemon Big Brother, while Kari and
Matt host our special called Big Brother: Tai Live, with 4 special Digi-Destined in the house.
See you next time and say hi to your mom for me.

Credits:

Author: PikaFlash Tai

Producer: Taichi Yagami

We got some new Joke Credits: Due to the fact that our producer is planning on reading TV is
Better than Life

Top of the Props: Anywhere possible...

Live On site Crew: Jyo Kido, Koushiro Izumi

Lighting Director: Kari

Lightning Director: Pikachu, the Electric Mouse Pokemon

Runner: Hikari Yagami

Somehow: The Runner Joke is Running out...

Sketches: Too much Television

Make up: Senator Mimi Tachikawa

Makeup: Your own joke credits

Camera/Editor: Koushiro Izumi

Sketch Editor: Yamato Ishida

College Editor: The maintanence man in the school between Elementary and University and aka.
High School

Starring/Host: Taichi Yagami

The best gag was the Vincent Valentine gag: Because he liked them...

Usual Cast: Tai, Matt, Kari

As usual: We bag out the usual cast...

Tai Enterprises managed by: PikaFlash Tai, Taichi Yagami and Hikari Yagami...

*Final Scene*

Tai was walking to his dressing room, then as he opens the door, he sees TK drinking wine and
counting money...and TK saw Tai...

TK: Uh-oh.