Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The penultimate bizzare digimon humor fic ❯ And so it begins... once more ( Chapter 1 )

Author's notes: Please review this fanfic, I'm really not sure whether or not it's any good. My sense of humor is an odd one after all, so please, tell me what you thought of the beginning of this bizarre piece.

In a room of pure blueness, a group of scholarly digimon made up of a Clockmon, an Andromon, a Jijimon, and a Monzaemon meet to discuss various mysteries of the digital world, digimon, and that sort of thing.

"First on the agenda." The Jijimon reads off, "The missing link of Leomon's evolutionary chain. It is well known that in the battle with the dark masters, a Leomon warp evolved into a Saber Leomon, and furthermore, considering the name, it is certain the two are evolutionarily related. However, there are no direct evolutions to Saber Leomon on record from any of Leomon's possible evolutions."

"I would like to propose Grappleomon. The longer mane and fanged mouth clearly suggest a predecessor to Saber Leomon, and the body beneath the armor could as well." Clockmon suggested.

"This theory has floated around many times, but I maintain it is inaccurate. When a Leomon becomes a Grappleomon, it gains a suit of armor. However, neither this armor or anything that could come from it, nor the elemental wind-based attacks exists on a Saber Leomon, and as we all know such important elements will not be done away with on an evolution from perfect to ultimate, unless the ultimate is like a Marine Angemon, having little to do with any previous form." Andromon answered, and then added, "Panjyamon, however, makes a good deal of sense. While no Saber Leomon has ever been witnessed performing an ice attack, there is a dearth of information about the species. And Leomon to Saber Leomon would work as a direct evolution if not for the difference in level, so it makes sense for a Leomon recolor to be the proper answer."

"That is impossible. The difference in color is too vast, even if Saber Leomon does use attacks of an ice element. Furthermore, while I admit that the losing of armor would be odd, so would the dropping of an element on a digimon with a body influenced so much by said element." Clockmon retorted.

"The color difference means little, look at Kabuterimon to Mega Kabuterimon. And I think you both overrate element as well, Garurumon goes from fire to ice in two stages. However, there is a simple reason you overlook why it cannot be Panjyamon or Grappleomon, as they are both substantially less like Saber Leomon then Leomon is." Monzaemon added, the teddy bear puppet digimon contributing his first line to the discussion. "For that reason, I suggest Mihiramon, a quadruped feline digimon, and the stripes and vaguely manelike structure are both similar to that of Saber Leomon." Monzaemon said, and the rest laughed.

"Surely you aren't serious. Mihiramon is a tiger digimon, Leomon is a lion digimon, and Mihiramon is winged to boot." Jijimon said.

"Well, it seems this will take a while, so let's get through the agenda to resolve the other things quicker. Item two: What is the appearance difference between a Gotsumon and a Meteormon." Jijimon read, and then the room of blueness was destroyed in a burst of angsty flame, and they were all killed.

As for the source of that angsty flame, it was not, as one might suspect, a Mewtwo, for this fanfic is quite clearly in the digimon section. Nor was it a Sefirotmon, as that would have merely sucked everyone into its eyes. Nor was it Black War Greymon, as he is dead. No, when the flames cleared, the one who stood at the center was none of those digimon, but a Platinum Sukamon, who as he destroyed the room of pure blueness, could be heard muttering, "I destroyed them. What have I done?" and then fighting back a teardrop.

Back in the human world, the chosen had heard of this occurrence, and had gathered, well some of them anyway. Meanwhile, Ken Ichijouji was running at full speed, and finally entered the room where half the chosen were gathered, apologizing for his lateness. Looking around the room however, he noticed certain chosen missing. "Where are the others?" the bearer of kindness asked.

"Well, Koushirou recently got a new Final Fantasy game, Iori's at kendo practice, Mimi's on another continent, Jou's studying, and Daisuke was abducted by aliens." Taichi explained.

"Well, since all who are coming are here, Digiport open!"

When the chosen landed, they were in the digital world. (Which is something most people reading this would have inferred by now from their knowledge of the series.) Specifically, they were by the ruins of the recently destroyed room, and looking onward at the Platinum Sukamon that had made those scholars perish in flame.

"What happened here?" Taichi asked, hoping the metal shit digimon had knowledge of the catastrophe (And completely unaware of the depth of the knowledge he had that came from being the cause of said catastrophe.)

Platinum Sukamon ignored Taichi, already occupied muttering about his fate. The mutterings were as follows. "Unlike most varieties of digimon, filth digimon follow a linear evolutionary path. Numemon become Monzaemon, Nanimon evolve to Digitamamon, and Sukamon transform to Etemon. As I am a Sukamon recolor, it would seem that I would become an Etemon recolor, but there are no known recolors of Etemon in existence. Am I merely fated to die without reaching my perfect form? I don't know, and destroying that place didn't get me any closer to my answer."

The chosen, not getting any answers from the Platinum Sukamon, merely walked away, leaving their new enemy muttering.

After some time walking, the chosen came to a rope bridge over a long body of water, and as if to taunt them, someone had put a dark tower on the other side and moved their D-terminals across the bridge, so there was no other way to get across.

As for the bridge itself, it was quite normal, by which I mean the planks to step on were about a foot apart, the bridge easily swayed in the wind, and the rope gave the appearance of rotting away. But it did seem slightly more treacherous then normal, with ice covering various planks, but never the parts in between them.

Most of the chosen managed to cross with relative ease (Meaning they only took about an hour crossing, and only slipped on every other step.), but after eighty minutes had passed, Hikari had suddenly stopped, quivering in fear, and seeing only darkened water ahead of her. "Miyako! Tailmon! Taichi!" The bearer of light cried out in fear, and hearing no response, began to walk to the side, into the rope. Concerned, Miyako ran back to get her, and the bridge collapsed, plunging them into a canyon below.

The next thing they knew, Hikari and Miyako were on a brownish rocky ledge with the walls of the canyon going up as high as they would be able to see, were it not for the fact that their heads were currently smashed into the ground. After they stood up (And Miyako removed the hand which had "accidentally" been placed on Hikari's rear "in the process of falling."), the two female 02 chosen began to question where they had come to, and other various things that may run through one's mind after falling such a great height.

"What happened?" Hikari asked, as people are known to when they go from the dark ocean to a ledge in a large canyon within what seemed to be seconds.

"We had just crossed the bridge and began to battle when you started quivering and calling for help. I had just begun to run back for you when the bridge collapsed." Miyako explained, leaving Hikari somewhat more knowing, but no less worried about them being stuck down there forever.

"Miyako, thank you." Hikari said, speaking in a very polite tone of voice. "Ever since that day when Sylphymon first appeared, you've always been helping me against that evil which has always threatened me. And now when we're stuck down here, maybe forever, you're still by my side, trying to help me." The bearer of light elaborated, and Miyako smiled in understanding. "And though I'm not sure quite how to explain it, I think I'm falling in love with you." She added, blushing.

"Hika-chan." Miyako responded, a gigantic, almost super-deformed smile on her face. "I feel the same way." The purple-haired chosen said, pulling her jogress partner into a loving embrace, which Hikari responded to in kind, kissing the older girl.

At that very moment, as if on cue by some mysterious godlike coincidental force, a hooded figure emerged out of the wall. "Forgive me if I was interrupting you, but there is information I must impart to you." The humanoid being said, bowing deeply as his golden hair fell across the part of his body where the face would be assumed to be located. At the same time, Miyako and Hikari's faces turned a deep shade of crimson.

"Come with me, this may be the key to defeating Platinum Sukamon." The mysterious being said, motioning in the direction of the cliff walls. Miyako and Hikari both sweatdropped, but after the black-robed humanoid walked through the wall, they followed suit, though no less confused then before.

Once they crossed through the wall, Miyako, Hikari, and the mysterious hooded figure who needs a better epithet then "The mysterious hooded figure" found themselves in a metallic room, where on each of the walls was a gigantic screen that appeared to be showing posts from a message board.

"What is this?" The bearer of light asked, and then began to read some posts off. "I think this war is over now, even you must admit that Hiyako is a canon couple after a scene like that, proof doesn't show up any more clearly then this."

"That kiss was just one of friendship and gratitude, the evidence for Takari is so great, when will you Hiyako shippers ever learn?"

"And I suppose that since it was on the lips, with a nice heart background it couldn't possibly have been romantic. Need I mention the location of Miyako's hand during that scene?" Hikari said, and then smiled at Miyako. "Okay, they're talking about us, but how do they know this?"

"It's an alternate dimension." The black-hooded creature stated definitively. "A dimension where digimon is just an anime series, and these events are fictional."

"Yes, but it couldn't be that dimension. For one, Hiyako has never had a good deal of popular support, it's always been between Takari and Daikari as the major pairings. In addition, at the present time the fandom is on it's last legs and incapable of such a war, the anime ended with the events of 2002, and this is just a fanfic which will almost certainly go unread and not spark such debate." Miyako responded.

"No, I'm talking about a different dimension entirely, where this is the beginning of third season of digimon adventure." The creature shrouded in black explained, sweatdropping, and suddenly began to shiver. "We're in danger. I'll hold them off, so run for it!" He ordered, his voice turning very grave and serious, throwing off his cloak revealing a Pidmon underneath and holding his staff out as three of the walls of the room were barged down by a rampaging horde of Hyogamon, Ogremon, and Fugamon,

"Where to?" Hikari asked, bluntly.

"The only way to go is back, and that leads to a small ledge above a huge canyon, running won't help much." Miyako added.

"Right." The Pidmon replied. "Don't worry, I'm not running away, just need to get these two to safety first." He added, carrying Hikari and Miyako away. Quite a few of the Ogremon, Hyogamon, and Fugamon chased after and fell off the cliff, but the rest stood at a distance insulting the Pidmon.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the digital world, a Metal Greymon came hurtling through space and exploded causing massive chaos, but this really doesn't have any impact on what is going on now. To avoid annoying transitionary scenes without much plot or humor, we will now skip forward by approximately three hours (For those who want the exact time, it's two hours, thirty-eight minutes, and forty-three seconds.)

The dark tower had been destroyed, Miyako and Hikari had found the five other chosen, and an interesting scene involving a decapitated Monzaemon and stereotypes about the sexual habits of nightmare soldiers had occurred, and the chosen were headed back across the canyon when they noticed that the rope bridge was missing.

"It was destroyed last time, remember?" Sora pointed out, right before Taichi took his step onto the lack of bridge.

"But if we can't get back there, there's no way to defeat Platinum Sukamon." Hikari said sadly.

"Explain to us why we can't just fly across?" Takeru asked, confused.

"Someone decided to increase the wind speed enough so that traveling by flight became impossible." Miyako answered, emphasizing the word "Someone" and glaring at Taichi as she spoke.

"It knocked over the dark tower, didn't it?' Taichi answered.

"Shurimon could easily have taken down the tower, but Horsumon can't fly in these winds." Miyako responded, annoyed. Meanwhile, Takeru was glaring coldly in the other direction.

"Show yourself, nightmare soldier!"

"Darkness always works best from the shadows." The nightmare soldier said, in an annoying high-pitched voice.

"Pico Devimon? Pico Devimon, is that you?" Takeru asked.

"Pico darts!" Pico Devimon yelled, throwing a syringe, which the bearer of hope nimbly caught between his fingers. "How did you… What are you?"

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that, Mr. Eaten by Venom Vamdemon?" Takeru responded, a smirk clear on his face.

"Digimon are reborn, aren't they?" The child-level nightmare soldier explained, but Takeru was not convinced.

"Not when they die in the human world they're not." Takeru pointed out. "Vamdemon had to possess Oikawa, and Wizarmon became a ghost."

"Um, good point." Pico Devimon said, and then flew away from the logical assault.

Meanwhile, the rest of the chosen had found a far sturdier bridge a few miles down and crossed that one instead.

"Shouldn't we wait for Takeru?' Sora asked, noticing the bearer of hope's disappearance.

"No, we need a surprise attack, it's important strategy." Taichi answered.

"I see." Sora answered, looking sadly towards the ground. The chosen (Or the half of them that was still actually there) continued on for a while, had three random encounters with hostile numemon, and then arrived at the secret lair of Platinum Sukamon (So called because it had a large blue neon sign reading "Secret lair of Platinum Sukamon on it.) At the gates of the secret lair approached a Geremon, a Karotsuki Numemon, and a Bomber Nanimon, all with weapons raised.

"Who dares approach the lair of the almighty Platinum Sukamon-sama" They asked in unison, waving their various weapons threateningly.

"Fox fire!" Gabumon said, shooting tiny blue fireballs at each of them, and they all disintegrated instantly.

"That was easy enough." Taichi said, sweatdropping, and then suddenly adding "But the final battle's just up ahead." in a far darker tone.

"The final battle?" The bearer of light asked in disbelief. "I doubt it, this is still the first chapter, and the author's never been known to write one-shots."

"And so it begins…" Yamato added cryptically, finally opening his mouth as the first chapter of this fic was suddenly cut off at this random point for no good reason…