Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Trials of the Heart ❯ I Love.... ( Chapter 5 )

I Love....

"Just... stop it. Please."

And then I left. My mind was spinning; I felt like I was on a roller coaster going one hundred miles an hour. Who was I supposed to believe? Matt, my boyfriend? Tai, my best friend? Matt, who made me happy? Tai, who I'd known almost all of my life and could trust?

I chose Matt. I left Tai to his jealous anger and rage-- or, at least that was what Matt called it. After Matt and Tai had their so called "talk," Matt had come up to me and said that Tai wanted to... to split us up.... I knew that Tai had feelings for me-- however deep they truly were-- but I never thought that he would go so far as to....

"You don't believe me, Sora?" Matt said with a light tint of hurt in his voice.

I wasn't sure... but I went along with it. He was the one I cared for, after all.... But now my heart hurt. I didn't know why, it just did. I felt as though I'd done something wrong... as though I'd made the wrong choice.... No! I made the right one! I chose what my heart had wanted! Yes-- that was it!

Then... why?

These questions racked my thoughts while Matt and I made our way back to my house (which was closer to the school than his apartment). Still... I shouldn't have been so... so mean. And... he'd said that he... and he'd meant it.... But I'm....

Pain suddenly flooded into my body from... my heart. What was that? I looked towards the pain, but.... 'Where...?' Matt stared at me suddenly. I placed a hand over my heart. Nothing. Not a single hint of anything hurting me from the outside. Then what...?

"Sora-- what's wrong?" he inquired, frazzled lightly by my sudden jumping. I stopped and took in a breath. It felt as though... a piece of my heart had been torn....

"N-nothing...." I then added-- with a smile, of course: "I'm okay.... Let's just keep on going."

And so we walked. Soon, I was able to forget all about that surge of pain I had felt. 'Who cares?' I reasoned. I wasn't really hurt. It must've been all that thinking... yeah! I had to stop doing all that thinking.... Because I could discover something I'd done wrong... and realize that I couldn't go back and change it. So I would just have to analyze it when it happened.

"Sora?"

I snapped back to the real world. Oh... we were at my house. "Sorry," I muttered, "for not paying attention...."

He laughed; I felt something twinkle from inside of me. "Don't be sorry. Well, I had a great time." Giving me a quick peck on my cheek, he started to leave. "See you later!" he called, jogging off. Of course-- he was late on his early morning run. I chuckled lightly and entered the house.

All was quiet. Mom was in the living room, and most of the lights were out. That was Mom-- she liked things dark. As I walked past to my room, I noticed that she was talking softly on the phone. I faintly wondered when it had rung-- if it had rung, that is-- and who was on the other end, then walked into my bedroom.

"Welcome home, Sora!" peeped Biyomon, bouncing up and down excitedly. Did she wait for me? Well... at least Mom fed her. I mean, she wouldn't have let the poor thing starve, now would she? Chuckling, I set down my bag and plopped onto my bed. I began:

"Thanks, Biyo.... So, how was it like with my mom? She mu--"

"S-Sora? Honey? Please... come here...." Mom's voice was weak and sounded as though she would cry any minute....

'What's the matter?' My mind jerked at a sudden thought. Something had happened, huh? I just knew it-- something had happened! Was... was it Dad? Did he get hurt? Really, he wasn't home much, but... the way she said it.... Something bad had happened to someone... someone close to both of us... to me....

"What's wrong?" I asked; she looked up at me, the phone still in her hand. Tears were forming in her eyes, and she let out a weak moan. Something really bad.... Before I could try to ask again (and comfort her), she stood up and wrapped me in a hug. The hug felt as though it were to... to comfort me. 'But why would I need comforting? Sure-- if Dad were hurt, yes... but....'

"I'm sorry, Sora.... I'm so, so, so sorry...." Her stuttered words barely made it to my ears. I was still as confused as ever. What was wrong?! Why would she be so sorry for me?

"Mom, what's--"

She pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. In them, I saw.... It hit me like a ton of bricks. No... it couldn't... be. "Sora.... It's Tai. It's Tai...."

No.... "It... can't.... What...?" I didn't want to cry. Tears... why cry when I didn't even know what was going on? But still... they came streaming down my face. I rasped, "What happened...?"

"He was only walking home," she explained, "and he didn't look.... Oh, God, Sora-- he didn't look! Some car came down the road, and...." Another sob escaped her lips and she held me close once more. "The person driving the car... took him to the hospital, but...."

Tai... no-- it wasn't him! "No... he's... he's not dead, i-is he?" Guilt erupted from within me. I remembered the last things I'd said to him.... If he was dead, then....

"No... but he's unconscious and in really bad shape...."

The pang I had felt earlier came to my memory. Was it because...? Then... if it was... did I...? But... I loved.... I....

A sob came from my mouth as I held onto my mother. "I... I should have walked home with him... but I...." I cried-- not out of pure sadness... but out of guilt. Guilt from hurting Tai in every way he could've been hurt... and by not realizing just how much I cared....

~*~

"Sora...."

I snapped out of my trance. Kari stood up from her seat; her eyes were weary and tired and red with tears. Mine must've been that way, too, because she instantly ran up to me and gave me a hug. We stood there and sobbed absentmindedly for a few minuets, then walked over to the waiting room chairs.

Mrs. Kamiya was leaning into her husband's shoulder for comfort. He, on the other hand, stared out at the wall. I supposed he was in too much shock....

"How is...?" I started, not sure how to bring up the conversation.

Kari shook her head. She whispered, "We don't know. The doctors are with him right now, and we may not find out until morning. Well... that was what Dr. Hisagi said...." Leaning back in her seat, she sighed. Like myself, she was still wearing the same thing as earlier. So... she didn't have time to change, either....

"Does anyone else know...?"

"No...," she claimed, opening her eyes and smiling weakly at me. "After what I had heard at the school, I thought that you would be the best one to call...." With a light, faded chuckle, she added, "Besides, it might be better if he woke up with you by his side...."

A blush crawled up my neck. True... but what would I say? I had hurt him, and now I was only hurting myself. Sure, I still liked Matt, but I... did I love him? I wasn't so sure now.... God! I was supposed to be able to deal with this "love" stuff! I owned the crest of love, for goodness sakes!

Then why couldn't I...? Why had I been so blind? So stupid?! And now Tai was hurt-- almost dead, really-- and it had been my fault....

My fault. All mine.

What had Tai wanted to tell me about Matt, anyway? I mean-- I never asked, and Matt never told me.... No, Matt had said that Tai was trying to break us up. And now... now I wasn't sure if he had told me the truth....

Tears of pain flowed down my cheeks as I closed them. I needed rest for the time.... A nice, long rest from the troubles of life.

~*~

I awoke to a light sob coming from in front of me. My eyes rolled lazily to the clock. Eight seventeen...? Must've been P.M., because I had left the lock-in at ten.... Man... I'd been there for a while....

Turning my attention back to the noise, I saw a young boy curled up in one of the chairs. His messy light brown hair was damp-- probably from melted snow-- and shined dully in the room's light. Groaning, I cautiously nudged Kari.

"Wake up," I muttered. With a yawn, her eyes slitted open. I nodded my head towards the boy. "Do you know him?" I murmured. 'He might be here for Tai,' I wagered. The younger girl's head shook. Was I surprised? No... not really.

"No...."

"Well... let's go see if he's okay." I felt sorry for the boy. He looked so helpless and upset.... He reminded me... of myself... of how I felt.

We tiptoed across the room; quietly, I bent down to his level while Kari sat in the chair next to him. "Hey...," I whispered. He didn't seem to have heard me. I tried again: "Hey...." His head popped up. Tears were still pouring from his beautiful light brownish eyes. He moaned:

"W-what do you... wah-want...?"

I smiled sadly. So innocent... yet so full of pain. "What's the matter...?" asked I.

Kari added, "You'll turn into a waterfall if you keep that up."

A forced chuckle escaped his lips. "Wha... why would you care? You don't know me...." His head lowered. The poor boy... something must have happened to someone really close to him....

"Please... it may help if you tell us...," Kari pleaded before I could answer. I gave her a fake glare and she just laughed at it. The boy looked away, but gave in.

A friend of his (well... they were as close as she would let him) had been acting strangely lately. Today... today she had not come to the park; he'd invited a whole lot of people to a little party. When he went in search for her, he quickly discovered that her parents (mother and grandmother, actually) had not been home. He entered the house anyway. That's when he found her... laying on her bed with blood seeping from her arms. At the time, though, she was awake. She hissed at him to leave and let her die; he told her that he wouldn't-- he cared too much to let her leave him for good. But... before anything else was said, she passed out from the lack of blood. He then covered the deep cuts and ran her to the hospital.

"I... I don't want her to go...," he muttered, on the verge of crying again. My heart itself was sobbing for this boy.... I leaned forward... and hugged him.

"It'll be alright...," I told him. "She'll be just fine-- you did the right thing...." Unlike me.... I had not done anything right... had not helped Tai in the least.... And if he did die....

"Sir?" We looked up. A doctor was standing before us, smiling slightly and holding a small clipboard. "I think she will be just fine. We've already contacted her parents, but if you would like to see her...."

Without any second thoughts, the child stood and moved over to the doctor. "Is she awake?"

"No, she won't be for a while, but...." We watched them walk down the hall. Inside, I was happy for him. Everything would be just fine. His friend was going to live, and he had been the one to save her. As for me....

"Come on...," Kari said, guiding me over to our empty chairs. I let out a loud sigh. She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. "You okay?"

No... I wasn't. My heart hurt, my head ached, and I felt like I was alone in a sea with no boat. "Yeah... I'm okay...."

~*~

Fifteen minutes had passed when a doctor approached us.... His face was grave and shiny from sweat. When my eyes met his, he smiled; I wasn't sure what kind of smile it was.... Forced, sad, weary, happy...? Who knew? Not me, that was for sure.

"How is he, Doctor?" Mr. Kamiya asked hurriedly. So then... he was still aware of what had happened, even though he had been in a trance-like state the entire time I'd been there.

Mrs. Kamiya arose. "Yes-- is he okay?"

The doctor slid his glasses off and wiped them. "For now...." Putting them back on, he motioned for us to follow. "But it now depends on how strong he himself is...."

How strong he was...? "He is strong!" I exclaimed. He was! Out of all the people I knew, he was the bravest, strongest, proudest person ever! I couldn't believe that the doctor thought he was weak!

"Really? And who are you, young miss?" he asked slyly. I felt myself heat up as I looked away. Stupid me... always talking before thinking. That was why I was the shy, quiet type.... I neverknew the right things to say....

"Tai's best--" I stopped. Was I still his friend? Was I... was I anything at all?"--friend...."

He smiled a little wider than he had before, opened a door (number 105) and ushered us inside. I walked in... and froze when I saw him.

He... he looked so weak.... His right leg was propped up and wrapped in a thick cast; he had a large bandage around his head and a patch over his left cheek. I was forced to imagine what his injuries were elsewhere because of the blanket that was pulled up to his chin.... Tears were born again. "N...no...," I rasped, shaking and bringing my hands to my face. "T-Tai... no...."

Dr. Hisagi walked over to me and patted my back. "It's okay. He's just out cold, although I don't know when he'll wake up...." He slowly led me over to a seat beside Tai's bed; his parents were on the opposite side. "All that we can do is hope...," he whispered.

I nodded meekly and took his offer. The light beeping sent chills up my spine. If those beeps were to stop.... "Tai...? I-It's me, Sora...." I reached out and took his hand. Oh... it was... cold. So cold.... Not freezing, but not warm, either.... "Please... get better.... For the sake of your parents... and sister," I mumbled, leaning forward in my chair to lay my head next to him, "and... for me....

"I've got something to tell you... but if you're not awake, you can't hear it.... So wake up soon...."

~*~

The next week went by like a year to me.... Every single day I would wake up and go stay by Tai's side until it was time for all visitors to leave. His parents did this also, but not as often-- they had a life, you know? Plus, Kari had gotten a slight case of the flu, so she was stuck at home; in turn, I called her after my visitations.

All the while, I completely ignored Matt.... He called, and my excuse was that I "felt ill." Well... Mom was the one who usually answered the phone, so it was basically her excuse. But... it didn't bother me in the least. I wasn't sure why.... Slowly, his calls faded... but they didn't die. And then....

School started up again.

I left home early and walked to the hospital. I "informed" Tai of this, whined that I didn't want to go and finally said that he had better get his butt in gear and get better. With that said, I left.

The walk to school wasn't that hard-- I mean, I didn't live that far from the school, and the hospital was closer, anyway. As I entered the crowded grass area, though, I bumped into Matt....

"Sora!" he exclaimed. I looked up, realizing suddenly that I had been crying. "W-what's wrong, Sora? Are you hurt?" I looked at him. God... I didn't want to talk to him... didn't want to face him. I knew that I didn't even....

"Hey, Sora!" I turned towards the voice. It was Hitomi.... She ran up to me and gave me a hug. "I heard what happened...," she said, starting to walk me to the door. "How is he? How are you?"

I shook my head softly. It hurt.... How was he? I didn't know.... How was I? I didn't know that, either.... "I'm not sure on either, Hitomi...." We then walked into the school... leaving Matt to confusion.

~*~

I ran to the hospital right after the bell rang. I had to visit Tai-- it was my new "ritual," you could say.... That, and I wanted to be there if he were to wake up.... As soon as he was awake, I would tell him exactly what was in my heart. Hell, I'd practiced it for a while now.... But still... I've always heard that saying things in person was considerably harder....

Then... how hard was it for Tai to say it to me...?

The hospital! It wasn't really busy, but there were a few patients roaming the halls. The poor people... bored out of their minds and trapped here until they were healed completely....

"Get back here!"

I froze. Who was that? Spinning, I saw a black-haired nurse chase after a wheelchair patient. Oh... man. Were they coming towards me?! They were!

"Wench! I can't take another minute in this hell hole!" he cried, long black hair flowing as he raced past me. His harsh words surprised me; they didn't seem to effect the nurse, though... Quite the contrary, really-- it only seemed to make her even angrier.

"You jerk!" she raged, no longer caring that she was trying to set a 'good example.' "Get your butt back here right now, or you'll never see the light of day again!"

His head tilted back slightly as he laughed mockingly. "Feh! Like you would hurt me!"

The woman let out a shrill screech, stormed down the hall and skidded around a corner. All the while, I stood there... stupefied. Good Lord... if that was what the hospital was like when people weren't looking, then.... I shuddered. No-- that was just some guy too stubborn to wait and heal... yeah.... Besides, Tai wasn't even awake yet.

Speaking of Tai... I had to go see him, didn't I? Sighing, I opened a door. Having come here so often, I had the stupid number memorized.... How pitiful was that? Really now-- how pitiful? Well... pitiful enough to argue with myself about it, eh?

'So... he isn't awake yet...,' I thought as I popped my head into the room. It was the same as it had been this morning.... No progress...? But... he was getting better, right? His injuries were healing well, right? Right?

I sat next to Tai's bed. He still looked so weak.... There was no expression at all on his face.... God... it used to always light up in a corny sort of way.... Always joking-- that was Tai. He could always find a way to make me feel so happy inside.... And safe....

I couldn't believe myself. I was so blind! Why had I not noticed it until I'd come so close to losing him? But if he had never gotten hurt, I would still be with....

I took his hand. Well... at least it was warmer this time... and more reassuring.... A lot more reassuring. "So, Tai, you missed the first day of school after Christmas break. You lazy bum...," I muttered. Earlier on, I had promised myself that I would not cry. It wouldn't help him, so why do it?

"And, no, I will not help you with any homework when you're better." I laughed falsely. "S'your fault." Don't cry, Sora.... Don't....

Suddenly.... 'What?!' I jumped. Did he...? Had I felt...?

I looked down. Had he squeezed my hand? But I thought that he was unconscious! He let out a light moan. Was he awake...? He... he had to be! Oh... please be awake, Tai!

Weakly, his head rolled over towards me. "S... S-Soh...," he rasped. It sounded as though he had never spoken before... and it made me giggle lightly. I wanted to hit myself for doing so.... That wasn't why I was there! Wasn't there to laugh at him!

I smiled and held his hand tighter. "It's me, Tai...." Yes... and I had something to tell you.... something that I should have realized and said so long ago....

"Wha.... S-Sora... Wha...t hap...?" he muttered, groaning as he tried to adjust himself; it had to have been hard, especially when he had his leg still in a cast (at least it wasn't hanging anymore) and countless bandages all over his body. He cleared his throat a couple of times.

"Here," I offered, handing him a small cup of water that was sitting on a makeshift dresser. He nodded, sat up and drank. I felt a pang of fear when his face twisted with pain as he did so. His pain was my pain... or, at least I thought it was....

He coughed a small "thanks," then gave me the empty cup. "Sora... what happened?" he asked, his voice rising with fear. Fear? In his voice? But... why? Then again... everyone gets scared-- it's normal....

'Kitto kitto bokutachi wa

Ikiru hodo ni shitte yuku

Soshite soshite bokutachi wa

Ikiru hodo ni wasureteku....'

"You... you're in the hospital; you've been here for over a week, really...," I said. 'And I've visited you every day... because I want to tell you that I l....' I shook my head. Not yet.... "You were hit by a car.... The driver claimed that you didn't look, but your parents aren't going to do anything until they hear from you."

'Hajimari ga aru mono ni wa

Istu no hi ka owari mo aru koto

Ikitoshi ikeru mono nara

Sono subete ni....'

Tai nodded solemnly. He was thinking, and I knew it. Whenever he did so, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze slid down to the ground. But... about what? "Well... the driver was right." My jaw dropped about five feet. What?! Then.... "I wasn't paying any attention," he whispered. He was still staring at the ground. There was some kind of look on his face.... Was it pain? More fear? What? He went on: "I was still thinking about what... what you had said...."

'Moshimo kono sekai ga shousha to haisha to no

Futatsukiri ni wakareru nara

Aa boku wa haisha de ii

Istudatte haisha de itain da....'

I felt myself go numb. That! I'd completely forgotten about that! So... I was right-- it had been my fault.... "Tai... I--"

Shaking his head, he murmured, "You don't have to say anything...." A smile formed on his face. A smile... but a fake one. Why was he doing this...? "I know how you really feel about me...," he added, voice trailing off as he lulled his eyes back to the ground.

'Kitto kitto bokutachi wa

Kanashii hodo ni utsukushiku

Yue ni yue ni bokutachi wa

Kanashii hodo ni kegareteku....'

Jerk! "I can't believe you! I've visited you every day and that is all you have to say? 'Leave me alone-- let me mope'?" The tears that I had fought off for so long finally found their way out. I couldn't believe him! And I had always thought....

'Mamorubeki mono no tameni

Kyou mo mata nanika wo gisei ni

Ikitoshi ikeru monotachi

Sou subete ga....'

"Sora...?" I looked up at him. Was I blushing? Well... I knew I was red-- I mean, I was crying.... "Don't try to make me feel any better.... Go on-- go to Matt...." His face twisted with disgust. "You really don't seem to care what he's doing behind yo--"

I couldn't help it any more.... The Tai I knew would never back down! He never talked like that! It was pitiful! But... I had done it to him.... I cried, "I'm not trying to make you feel better! I'm trying to make you see that I... I love you!"

'Moshimo kono sekai ga shousha to haisha to no

Futatsukiri ni wakareru nara

Aa boku wa haisha de ii

Itsudatte haisha de itain da....'

His face turned pale; just as quickly, though, it heated up. "Don't," he scoffed, eyes nervously searching the wall opposite of me, "be silly! You love Matt! You can't l--"

'Boku wa kimi ni nani wo tsutaerareru darou....'

My lips met his. No more words... just like the beautiful song.... Perhaps... perhaps he would realize that I meant the truth this way... with no true words....

'Konna chibboke de chiisana boku de shika nai

Ima wa kore ijou hanasu no wa yametoku yo

Kotoba wa sou amari ni mo

Toki ni muryoku dakara....'

He felt stunned, stiff and a little edgy; as for me-- well... let's just say that I had never been kissed (let alone kissed someone!), either.... But... I was willing to learn. My inexperienced lips tempted his own, but he still seemed too scared....

Had I done something wrong? God... I always did something wrong! I prepared myself to pull away when... he relaxed. His arms went around my waist and he faintly returned my kiss. Oh... it was so sweet... like... honey. And I suddenly wanted forever to become real... just so that we could be together within it.... But forever was not real, and like all good things... it ended.

We pulled apart, taking in the breath we had lost. I looked into his eyes; he, in turn, looked into mine.... All that I could see was happiness... and love. So then... this was the love I was searching for.... Silly me... how hard could it have been to find?

"I... I love you, too... Sora," he rasped, bringing a hand to my face. When he wiped away my tears, I noticed something.... He was crying....

"Idiot...," I scolded, trying to grin. "I already knew that!" Of course! He'd told me at the lock-in!

He flushed. "Yeah... well.... You know...." An old, rusty, goofy laugh escaped his mouth. He was back... that courageous numbskull of a leader.... The one I had fallen in love with and didn't even notice. 'Stupid Tai....' But he was my Tai.... Mine.

I looked at the clock hanging above the door... and groaned. It was time to go.... "Here... let me help you get situated...."

"You have to leave...?" he whined as I gently got him to lie back down. If he hurt himself any more.... "But I want to...talk about stuff."

Good Lord.... I chuckled and straightened myself back up into a standing position. "Tomorrow." Yeah... after school.... Yay-- what fun. And what about Matt? What would I tell him?

Tai sighed. "Okay.... But... come 'ere...." What was he talking about? I looked at him strangely. "I have to tell you something now," he muttered, a childish smile pervading upon his face. "Come 'ere...."

Oh... I understood what he was talking about and bent forward with a grin. How? How could I not have noticed this extreme love for him? Why had I been so blind? Within inches of his face, he slowly reached up and tilted my head... and kissed me once more.

Sweet honey.

Forever.

Or so I wished.... Upon placing his lips to mine, the hospital room door swung open... and a shriek of rage rang out right afterwards..... It caused both of us to instantaneously snap apart. This time, the enraged voice formed words....

"What the hell...?!"

~*~

A/N: Gomen ne, mina-chan! I didn't want it to take so long! School really tied me back, though. Last week was the end of the first semester, and exams and finals were popping up all over the place! Then... a three day weekend. I know, I know-- I should've posted this then, but... I didn't like how it turned out, so I rewrote it.... Heh.... And this week was the beginning of the third nine weeks, which meant that I had to start FOUR brand-new classes! Well... if you know (or put up with) the term "block scheduling," then you know what I mean.... If you don't, let me tell you that it is a pain! You have five periods a day; the first semester you take four of the eight courses you signed up for, then they replace them in the second semester with four new ones! Argh! Oh well... at least I received all A's on my report card! (Although I now have to keep it that way.... Mom wants me to become "valedictorian." Yay....)

Ahh.... I finally got to write some Taiora!!!! It makes me feel so happy! No more Sorato! But... I still don't like how this chapter turned out... even if it IS a second-time job.... If any of you agree with me, just say so in your review-- I may retype it ONE MORE TIME! Heh....

Mina-chan! Who noticed the guest appearances? Can you name them all? There were three who had speaking parts, and one was "off stage." If you are able to name all four (hell, you can name the couple name for one if you want) in either your review or an e-mail, I'll send you a picture for this story series! (Go to my little webpage to see how I draw!) Remember! If you review the answers, leave your addy! (Speaking of pics... DC? You out there? I remember replying to your one email about "Tamer VS Tamer" a while ago, but my email address semi died.... ^.^' I got it to work again, but I don't know if you ever got it, so.... If you want, I can resend them if you!)

I remember saying that I would make it up to you for having chap. 4 so short.... Does this work? It's really one of my longest fics ("Between Pride and Love" was the longest....). I promise to get chap. 6 out as soon as I can-- maybe by Friday or Saturday. And the song "No More Words" does not belong to me.... It is such a beautiful song, though...(it's sung by Hamasaki Ayumi). DOWNLOAD IT! If I get enough reviews, I will fly through my courses and get all of my old stories finished. If not... I will turn into Ruki and let the darkness take me over.... Understand? Well, ja!-Angel-Chan (Now that I think about it, does anyone know anything important about the second Tamers movie/ sixth Digimon movie? I wanna know! Ja!)