Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Trials of the Heart ❯ Downhill from Here ( Chapter 6 )

Downhill from Here

"What the hell...?!"

Okay, back up. What's going on, you ask? Well, earlier today, Sora had totally ditched me (it wasn't like I hadn't noticed her... 'awayness' the past week), and I wanted to know why. So I did what any reasonable guy would do: I asked around. That was when I learned that Tai was in the hospital; the idiot let himself get hit by a car! When someone asked why I hadn't known, I just said that my band had been too busy practicing... heh. Mandi had taken me out almost every day last week when she heard that I wasn't busy.

Then, an idea hit me. I figured that Sora was riding the guilt boat for telling Tai off and felt that she should keep him company. If I were to go and 'visit' my old friend, maybe she would come back to me! So there I was, nervous for some odd reason, standing outside of Tai's hospital room. With a sturdy hand and a quick clear of the throat, I swung the door open. What I saw made my blood boil.

Tai. Sora. Kissing.

I let out a scream of rage that sent the two apart. "What the hell...?!" I demanded, slamming the door behind me. She had no right to do that! A small voice tried to tell me that I had been doing almost the same thing, but I knocked it out of the way.

Sora looked frightened..... 'She should be,' I thought. "Matt... I can explain!"

"Don't," I spat, scowling and feeling my face burn with anger, "try. You were cheating on me, weren't you? I gave you my love, and what did you do? You--"

Tai sat back up and glared at me. "If anyone should be told off for cheating, it should be you!" I choked. The little....

"Wha... what do you mean, Tai?" Sora questioned softly. Her face twisted into a mixture of confusion and fright. He... he hadn't told her yet! But then again... who would she believe? Who?!

I sneered. I hadn't expected him to be so strong yet. "You don't know anything."

I almost fell over when he laughed. His chuckle was raspy and faded, but it still held all of the emotions intended. "Oh yeah?" he mocked. "Tell her about that Mandi girl-- tell her where you really were that morning before the lock in."

Sora's hands clenched into small balls; her face became shadowed. She knew who to believe. Then again... it wasn't that hard to choose. My actions weren't appropriate for someone who 'hadn't' cheated. Tai had won... hadn't he? I'd lost Sora.... I cared for her... and now I lost her. GOD! Why was I such a jackass at times?!

I watched as Sora stood up and walked over to me. Her orange hair bobbed gently. "Sora...," I pleaded. "I can explain every...."

Her eyes were what stopped me. The crimson ovals gazed out at me with pain swimming at their cores. I wanted to answer, but I felt that I had no right.... And then... she hit me. It didn't hurt-- I've been slapped much harder-- but the way she had done it.... I'd never forget... the way she slapped me....

"How...? Why...?" She closed her eyes and gathered her thoughts. "How could you call me a cheater... when you were the one who was...?" A sob cracked in her lips, and she flung around to Tai. I could tell that he knew exactly what she was going through, and although he felt bad for me, I knew that he would never forgive me....

I opened the door... and exited. Tears wanted to me released; anger wanted me to hit something; friendship, a trait that was supposed to be my best, seemed to float away.

I shouldn't have done that.... It hurt someone I cared about. She... she probably never wanted to talk to me again... and I'd never have her love shine upon me.... By one little choice... I had screwed up my life.

The thing was... how long would it take for the damage to heal?

~*~

The next eight days went by me in a daze. Tai was finally allowed to go home; he couldn't go to school until his leg cast was removed, though. Sora completely ignored me-- even when we were in the same class and working together on some project. Mandi called, but I said that I hadn't been feeling well. I got a little "my poor baby" coo and we said our goodbyes. And then....

It was early Saturday morning. Since I had nothing to do, I felt the strange urge to just... bake. No-- I didn't cook all the time. I was pretty good at it though, so it wasn't too bad. Just as I pulled out the tomatoes (ahh... homemade spaghetti sauce), the phone rang.

I ran, dodged the low hanging bookshelf, and snatched up the receiver. I was hoping to invite Mandi down and knew that she usually called about that time, anyway. "'Ya-llo?"

A pause. "Matt...?" It was Mandi, all right, but.... "Is that you...?"

Uh-oh. I did not like the tone of her voice.... "Yeah, it's me. Mandi? What's wrong?"

"Is it true," she whispered, holding back a sob, "that you used me and another girl?"

'Used?' Who told her that-- who told her any of it?! I didn't use either of them! "I didn't use you!"

Another pause. This one was longer. Was she going to believe me? "Matt... I really wish...." A cry came to my ears. It was hurting her... no. I was hurting her.... Just like I had hurt Sora. "I really wish I could believe you," she mumbled. I felt my heart crack. She...?

"I started to fall for you, you know? But after I learned of your 'other life,' I...." No longer was she able to hold in her pain and agony. "I want you to leave me alone!" With one more sob, a click entered my ears. She had hung up.

'I want you to leave me alone!'

Her final words stuck the cords of my heart. All that I could think of was that I had no one. Sora left me. Mandi left me. My heart had broken hearts, and now it was time for it to be smashed. I... I deserved no one. Why had I sunk so low as to do that?!

I... hated myself.... All because I was too unsure of a stupid choice... I had hurt two of the people I--yes... I finally knew-- loved. To think... neither one would want to love me back now....

Who had told her? An image of a guy with long, messy brown hair and mischievous chocolate eyes popped into my mind. I growled. Tai... he was the only one who knew what Mandi looked like.... He must've told her! But... why would she believe him?

Sora.... She must've gone with him when.... Oh, God. I... my life.... Why did life have to hurt so much?! I cried and cried until the stove caught my eye.

Time to cook. Time to get my mind off of the hurting. Time to....

~*~

"Hey, Matt? You need a ride home?"

"Nah... I'll walk."

"Fine-- suit yourself."

It was the beginning of February... almost one month after all of my pain. Sure, I was feeling better and everything...but my friendships did not mend-- in fact, they only worsened. Less people wanted to be around me nowadays; if it weren't for my band, I'd practically be alone. Still... no more fan girls or things like that. I had deceived the world and hurt many. Why should someone trust me after pulling a stunt like that?

I just wished that someone would. It was much too lonely to go on with life having no one take care of you... watch you... love you. Perhaps Sora and Tai were meant to be... even if I had made the correct choice. Perhaps Mandi and I were to separate... even if I had chosen back when I had the chance. It was done. That part of my life was over.

I still hated myself, though.

Winter roamed the streets, blowing the snow around. It nipped at my nose lightly and made me sneeze. I hated winter.... I hated it more so, now. I had too much to think about this time of the year, and my stupid actions only made them worse. If I were able to, I'd probably hit myself....

"Matt...?"

The voice was soft, pushed and a little scared. I turned. Who would want to talk to me anymore? Not some who knew me, I guessed. If that were the reason, they'd find out why sooner or later. Then... who I saw made me feel numb all over.

"J... Jun?" I croaked. Jun Motomiya. Davis's sister. She was a big fan of my group... well, mostly of me. Might I say that I put a lot of emphasis of the word 'big?' I hadn't heard much from her since the Christmas concert.... She must have heard of Sora and my hookup.... I mean, I hadn't seen her for a while....

She whispered, "Why...?" I felt my numbness only grow stronger. 'Why,' what? What was she talking about?! A smile, a sad one, formed on her face. My confused look must have given her my question. "Why did you do it? Trick all of us like that?

"I... I tried to forget about you, you know, once I found out that you were with Sora. I pretended that I liked some other guy." She giggled, probably remembering the moment in great detail. Ya know... in the moonlight, with the snow all over, she looked... different. Almost... beautiful. No! Wait! I couldn't start thinking of things like that! I didn't want to be like that guy in A Walk to Remember! She went on:

"But still... no matter what I did, I thought of you." Her eyes saddened, and a tear ran down her cheek. Was... was this the same Jun that I had been so afraid of...? Did she really care about me that much...? "And then I heard that the two of you broke up; I was so ecstatic! I thought that I would have a chance again!" A pause. "Then I heard the reason for the break up...."

Her face turned so that she could look directly into my eyes. What...? What was she trying to tell me...? What?! "Why would you hurt people who love you? Why would you misuse their trust... and everybody else's as well...?"

Something pinched my heart. She was right.... Why had I? I... didn't know. Now that I had actually thought back, I realized that I had only done it because I thought that I wouldn't get caught. But... I never meant to hurt either of them.... I just wanted to know who I truly cared about. I just wanted to....

"I don't know...," I whispered, shivering from things other than the coldness. She nodded meekly and turned to go. "But," I called out to her, "I am sorry... sorry for everything...."

Her head turned, and I could have sworn that I saw a grin. "I know," she muttered. "I know...."

~*~

I had mail; it was a rare occasion. And the really odd thing about it was that it was sent the old-fashioned way-- postal. Strange... there was no return address. Shrugging, I tore open the top. Junk mail, I supposed. Once the paper was unfolded, the first line hit me like a ton of bricks.

Matt,

It's been a while; don't know how you've been fairing. We were all wondering... well, we're having a digidestined get-together-- just the Odaiba digidestined-- next Thursday. It'd be nice to see you again. Don't worry. Old grudges aren't supposed to taint friendship, right? Look... I know it's been a long time, and I have to admit that neither Sora nor I forgive you completely, but life goes on, I suppose. Just... well, if you can, come visit! Bring Gabumon and any of your family! Oh, and Sora says you'd better bring some type of food; don't worry, though, she's just jealous of your cooking! Well, I hope to see you there!

Tai

P.S. Look, pal, I'm sorry about Jun.... I heard what happened a few years back. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where I live. Heh, I still don't know if that's a good thing, though....

I stood there in shock as the memories flooded back. What I'd done to Sora. What I'd done to Mandi. What I'd done to myself. I... I thought that they hated my guts and never wanted to talk to me again.... There was only one person who took my hand and lead me through it. Jun. Without her... without her, I wouldn't be doing what I had always dreamed of. I wouldn't be a traveling, famous singer.

Still... Jun left me-- not it the way you think, though. She died... in a car 'accident.' Accident my butt... the damn driver was drunk! He felt like chasing some 'chick' and 'accidently' hit her! I hated the judge's for his stupid ruling. All he saw was some struggling factory worker against some dead woman.

"D... Daddy? You 'kay?"

I looked down. Yui stood before me, eyes worried. God... she looked so much like her mother.... Had I... been crying? My hands rose to my eyes. Yes. Was it because of the memories? I tried to stop thinking of them; they would not leave me alone. Yes.

"I... I'm fine, Yui. Daddy just got a letter from an old friend..."--I smiled as her ten-year-old face twisted into a happy surprise--"...one that he had hurt a long, long time ago."

Her eyes filled with pain yet again. She never heard my story because I didn't want her to know what I had done.... I felt that she would hate me then, although she probably wouldn't.... She was too much like her mother to hate me. "What did they want...?" she rasped softly, fear creeping up her body. She was trembling lightly.

Kneeling down, I hugged her gently. "Just... wondering when I'll visit," I answered.

All those years ago I learned that one choice could bring a world of pain. It could also bring a world of understanding. One choice taught me many things... and I figured that the pain would never end. Back when I had first felt the pain... I grew up.

Sometimes I sit around and wonder to myself.... If I could, would I go back and change anything? Would I have made the correct decision...? Would I have dealt with the pain differently? Would I want to change the life I had lived?

Now that I can think back about it, my answer is really quite clear: no.

~*~ END ~*~

A/N: The end... finally. I hope I wasn't too cruel to Matt.... I just wanted to prove that sometimes one choice can make your whole world fall apart. *ducks behind a toppled desk* Please don't hurt me!

I had a few different ways I wanted to end this.... One was just to end it with Matt and Jun's wedding; another was to go all the way up to the meeting, ya know, and see how it all works out. And this is what I came up with. I hope you all enjoyed reading it! I know I promised to post it a while ago, but... school sucks! I have the dreaded ALGEBRA II!!!!! WAH! Oh well... a 97% isn't THAT bad.... And I already chose what I am taking next year! Wah! I am doubling up on my math subjects (Pre Calc. and Trig) and taking Spanish 3 and 4! *sighs* My brain's gonna blow....

This chapter is dedicated to all you Taiora fans! 'Specially to DC, a new friend of mine! (I'll send you those pics as soon as I can!) To those of you who want to know what I'm gonna work on next... look out for new chapters to "The Legend of the Crests," a story of the digidestined's children, and "Fated," an AU tamers story! Also, anyone going to the steel worker rally in DC Thursday? I am! I am playing there with the rest of my band members! Hehe! I may get to see the pres.! The part that sucks is that I have to wake up at, like, two in the morning.... T-T Life sucks... that's why they made the GBA! *walks away dancing* Ja, Mina-chan!~Angel-Chan