Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction / El Hazard Fan Fiction / Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Love Hina Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ Anime Isle ❯ Late Arrivals and Stowaways. ( Chapter 2 )

(Scene: Two hours later, Aboard the Lightstar. ARCH and R80 are leaning over the railing.)

R80: I dunno Arch. I can't shake the feeling that I forgot something.

ARCH: I can't imagine what. You called Manor 80 and everything seems to be in order. Even Washu's behaving herself.

RENEMON: Strange. (Sits up, ears twitching)

RIKA: What is it Kitsi chan?

RENEMON: I think I hear a motorcycle.

ARCH & R80: (Wide eyed and pale) NO WAY! IT CAN'T BE HIM! (R80 grabs a pair of binoculars and begins scanning the waves as ARCH dashes for the helm.)

AMI80: Him who love? (peers through the binoculars a moment before handing them back to R80) Oh. Him.

ARCH: Ken, full stop!

MINA: Looks like he's starting to stall out.

ARCH: Hey, Beelzemon, come aboard.

BEELZEMON: Don't mind if I do! (Everyone scrambles aside as BEELZEMON lands his bike on the deck.) You got any gas on this rig?

ARCH: (Leading the way below deck) Sorry Bee, all secured down here..

BEELZEMON: Damn. I guess I'm stuck here with you guys.

ARCH: Lordy Lordy! Just stuck here!

R80: With us! God's gift to fan fiction! (switches to Rodney Dangerfield voice) I tell yah Arch, even on the boat we get no respect.

AMI80: All right Rob kun. Don't make deflate your head.

MINA: Yeah Arch, I know a few secrets about you that would take the wind out your sails, and I'm not talking about the boat.

ARCH: (Thinking) As do I Mina chan. As do I... (Aloud) So Bee, what brings you all the way out here?

BEELZEMON: Amouro and Rusty finished the modifications to this. (Hands R80 a black, slightly oversized wristwatch before securing his bike.)

R80: My remote unit for my Z'Gok mobile suit!

ARCH: Your what?

R80: I came up the idea for this after Roger Smith... "accidentally" chased me around with Big O. I couldn't to any of my mobile suits or armors, and I decided to take a page from his book. By the time this is finished I'll be able to summon any mobile suit to anywhere in the world.

ARCH: Good thing the rift's there then.

AMI80: What rift?

ARCH: There's a naturally stable rift, a wormhole of sorts that links our two dimensions. Convenient, ne?

BEELZEMON: Very. So where are we planning to land?

ARCH: One of the southern islands. Figured we'd veg, tan, relax... You're welcome to join us if you want.

BEELZEMON: (Thinks a while then crosses to his bike changing his leather jacket to a blue print Hawaiian shirt) What the hell. I've been meaning to take a vacation anyway.

R80: Hey, bee, why didn't you just use your wings to find me?

BEELZEMON: (Blinks) I have wings? (Purple angel wings grown from out his back) Oh, those! Well, I just wanted to make an entrance, plus my bike is faster.

MINA: Bee, that outfit looks simply -

BEELZEMON: (Levels both guns at Mina) Choose your words carefully.

ARCH; (presses his caster against the back of BEELZEMON'S head) Don't.

BEELZEMON: You wouldn't.

ARCH: This is loaded with a custom shell. Alpha 17, it's called. At this range, I could vaporize your head before your body had time to pull the trigger.

BEELZEMON: You don't have the guts.

ARCH: Don't I? (squeezes on the trigger as the caster heats up.) Don't I really?

MINA: ARCH STOP!

ARCH: Thank the lady. (Eases off the trigger as the caster vanishes under his robes) She just saved your life. (Exits touching Mina's shoulder gently and heads above deck) Ken!

KEN: We ready to go, boss?

ARCH: Momentarily. (Clicks on the PA system.) Ladies, gentlemen, and muses, this is your captain speaking. We'll be resuming our journey shortly, but while we're stopped I'd like to ask your help in searching the ship for undesirable elements. If you find anything out of the ordinary, bring it to the main galley or throw it overboard, your discretion. (clicks off) Grab the keys Ken and let's go hunting.

(Scene: Lower cabins. Aft)

???: Hey Chico, you think it's safe?

CHICO: No-ah problem Zeppo!

ZEPPO: What about the searchers?

CHICO: Yeah? What about 'em?

ZEPPO: The captain said to throw us overboard.

CHICO: The Captain was-ah bluffing. Besides, (faces BURTER and BEELZEMON posing as twin doors) this-ah deck's been searched already so Peanuuuuuts to you. (Tries the 'doors' only to find them locked)

ZEPPO: Are you tellin me we're locked in?

CHICO: It's-ah lookin that way. (tries again. BURTER reaches into his armor and pulls out a key and hands it to ZEPPO)

ZEPPO: Thanks. (Turns key)

BURTER & BEELZEMON: Click

CHICO: Good-ah job Zeppo! But where did you get da key-ah?

ZEPPO: The door gave it to me. (Follows CHICO into the hall.)

CHICO: That's-ah silly! How could the door have-ah given you da key?

(At that moment, BURTER and BEELZEMON grab the two Marx Bros. from behind.)

BURTER: The same way we just caught you bums, that's how!

ZEPPO: The old "Posing as a door" gag from that one Daffy Duck cartoon. Why didn't I see it coming?!

BEELZEMON: You guys know the rules. No ticket, you get to swim with the sharks!

CHICO: (Sees GROUCHO) We're-ah no stowaways! We're-ah HIS brothers! Hey, boss, wait! Tell this guy I'm-ah your brother.

ZEPPO: And me, too.

GROUCHO: (Thinking) Oh no, not Chico! (Quickly) You can't be my brothers. Last time I checked, they were sight-seeing at Alcatraz.

BURTER: Isn't that a prison?

GROUCHO: Why else haven't they come back yet?

CHICO: But boss! Brother! They gonna throw us off-ah da ship!

GROUCHO: Don't worry about it. We're in soft water territory.

BEELZEMON: Actually, they do kinda look like you and what's-his-name up in the galley.

GROUCHO: Look, I'll ask them two simple questions to make sure they're telling the truth. Will that work?

ZEPPO: I agree.

CHICO: Fire away!

GROUCHO: Okay. You with the accent and the dumb hat! What color was George Washington's white horse?

CHICO: Dun tell me, I know it! Palomino!

(BURTER & BEELZEMON exchange looks of puzzlement)

GROUCHO: Moving on to our next contestant! Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

ZEPPO: Well, that's easy. It's-.

CHICO: Jimmy Hoffa! Dat's-a who it is!

BURTER: Hoffa? In Grant's Tomb?!

ZEPPO: No! No! It's John Phillip Sousa!

CHICO: Dat's-a right! No body but-a me figured it out. Where else would-a you hide a body dan in a tomb?

GROUCHO: Is that your final answer then?

ZEPPO: No-!

CHICO: Yes, dat's de answer!

GROUCHO: Sorry, but you lose. Washington's WHITE horse was WHITE and GRANT is buried in GRANT'S tomb. Have a nice swim back, and say hello to Davy Jones for me if you see him. (To BURTER & BEELZEMON) Toss 'em! (walks away muttering) Jimmy Hoffa? John... Phillips... Sousa....?

(BURTER and BEELZEMON haul the two Marxes to the deck and draw back to heave them over.)

BURTER: Wait a minute. (Both pause in mid heave) These two are still someone's muses, probably Rob's.

BEELZEMON: Yeah. Arch tends to stick to anime and gaming muses.

BURTER: Then we can't just throw them over. (All sigh, BURTER and BEELZEMON from exasperation, CHICO and ZEPPO from relief)

BEELZEMON: (Throws life jackets on the pair) Now?

CHICO: NO!

BURTER: No. (Adds swim caps) Now?

ZEPPO: NO!

BEELZEMON: No. (Adds ear and nose plugs) Now?

CHICO: NO!

BURTER: No. ( Adds swim masks and snorkels) Now?

ZEPPO: NO!

BEELZEMON: No. (Adds swim flippers and nods) Now.

CHICO: NO!

BURTER: (Grins and nods) Now.

ZEPPO: NO!

BURTER and BEELZEMON: NOW!! (Heave the Marxes overboard)

CHICO and ZEPPO: NOOOOOO!!!!!! (Loud splash as both hit the water)

SAKURA: (Joining BURTER and BEELZEMON at the railing and leaning over.) You two might want to start swimming. I read that this is the mating ground of the rare blue pygmy shark.

ZEPPO: HAH! I happen to know for a fact that there is no Blue Pygmy Shark!

SAKURA: Really? Guess you better tell that to him. (Points to a dark shadow under a blue tailfin)

(ZEPPO and CHICO scream and swim for their lives as VEEMON80 jumps from the water into SAKURA's arms)

V80: So when do we get to that mating Saki chan? We rare Blue Pygmy Sharks just looooove mating season!

SAKURA: (laughing) Down little hentaimon! Not in public! (leans closer and whispers) You can do all the mating you want tonight.

BURTER: Have you ever seen any thing move so fast?

SAKURA: Not since I used the Dash card on Jaice.

(All laugh until a second screams sounds from below decks.)

BURTER: I'm no expert, but I think that was Mina.

(A black blur shoots past the group and down the stairs as SAKURA pushes her skirt down)

SAKURA: Well, If that wasn't Arch, I'll be Marilyn Monroe! (Looks at V80) Let's get you below decks before you bleed to death. (Both exit)

BURTER: I think he's got a thing for that girl.

BEELZEMON: He was crazy enough to draw on me because of her, I think he's got it bad.

R80: (enters) The first one to start singing Usher's "You Got It Bad." Is gonna get it bad.

BURTER: Don't tell me you still haven't gotten over MSTing Arch's Takimi Trilogy?

R80: Har har. Have either of you two seen Groucho's brothers, Zeppo or Chico?

BURTER: His...

BEELZEMON: Brothers....

BOTH: GROUCHO!! (Race off to have a "discussion" with GROUCHO)

R80: Okay... what was that about?

BURTER: (Sticks his head around the corner) By the way boss, last I saw them they took a left turn at Albuquerque. (Points out to the water)

AMI B: (Enters with AMI80) They threw them over?

R80: Looks that way.

AMI80: Hey sister blue, you got any jet skis on this rig?

AMI B: Can Goku put an all you can eat restaurant out of business? Let's go get 'em. (Both exit as Rob shakes his head)

(Scene: Lower galley, Starboard side. MINA is standing covered in soot with her hair on end glaring murderously at a small yellow electric rat.)

MINA: Arch's not gonna get the chance to kill you. I'll do it myself. DIE YOU GONNA!

PIKACHU: Pika!

(A bizarre chase ensues as MINA attempts to brain PIKA with a frying pan.)

MINA: It's clobberin time! (Brings the pan down hard enough to leave a dent in the stainless steel counter but PIKA escapes unscathed.

PIKA: PI...KA...CHU! (Shocks MINA then scurries under a pot rack)

MINA: (Coughing out a smoke cloud as ARCH enters) He is so dead.

ARCH: Mina, babe, you're doing it all wrong. (Unwraps a candy bar and breaks it in half offering some to PIKA) You want it come and get it.

(PIKA creeps out and takes the chocolate, keeping his good eye on MINA, so he doesn't see when ARCH produces a skillet of his own.)

MINA: Heeeere's Archie!

(PIKA turns in time to catch a skillet between the eyes)

ARCH: Tennis?

MINA: (Grabbing her skillet) Let's!