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Anime Isle Act 1, Scene 3
Dirty Pool, Girl Talk, and Stormy Weather

(Scene: Thirty minutes later. PIKA has been expelled by MINA's power serve. ARCH is at the helm, intending to give KEN and AMI some time alone as MINA cleans herself up. As the others pursue their own interests we find SAKURA and V80 standing at the railing.)

V80: It's too bad Gotsumon ain't here.

SAKURA: I know, hon. I don't understand what could have happened to him. Everyone told him we were going to Arch's and Arch loves digimon. (V80 gives SAKURA an odd look) Are you seasick or... (Mentally reviews her last few statements) Vee chan! This is Arch we're thinking of! He'd never do something like that.

V80: Then how come he ain't got no girl?

GOTSUMON: (OS) Maybe he's just waiting for that someone special.

(At this moment a boat carrying JINNAI, BUGROM GROUCHO, NARU, KITSUNE, SHINOBU, GOTSUMON, SHAYLA SHAYLA, MIZ MISTAL, AFARRA MANN, and KEITARO)

SAKURA: It's Gotsumon! Arch full stop, please! What are you guys doing out here?!

KEITARO: (opens his mouth to speak, but then pauses before looking at Jinnai) How DID we get out here, Jinnai?

JINNAI: You got me. Maybe Rob's trying to promote our respective series?

ALL: (Look at R80)

R80: Eh... Could be!

SHAYLA: (Looking seasick) But why did I have to get included? You know I get seasick real... (Leans over the side of the boat)

(BUGROM GROUCHO pats her on the back, to help soothe her)

ARCH: (Looks at NARU and KITSUNE snuggling together) Are they...?

SHINOBU: Nah. Lost a strip poker bet. DON'T ASK.

TK: (raises an eyebrow at KEITARO, who looks away and whistles innocently)

R80: Hey Jinnai, did you find the Motomiya's?

JINNAI: Sorry boss. Those two gave us the slip at an airport, but we'll find them sooner or later, no worries. We got Luffy and his pirates looking for them, too.

SHINOBU: Lighten up guys. What's the worst that can happen?

(Thunder rolls and lightening flashes)

ARCH: Either Fate just accepted your challenge or the weather man was dead on with that "scattered thunderstorm" bit.

GOTSUMON: Shin chan baby, you never say anything like "What's the worst that can happen?" And especially not "It could be/can't get any worse."

SHINOBU: Why?

GOTSUMON: Strange and inexplicable things happen shortly afterwards.

ALIELLE: (OS) Sister Shayla? Where are youuuuuuuuuuu?

GOTSUMON: See what I mean?

V80: O.o Shin chan

SAKURA: o.O Baby?

GOTSUMON: (Blushes) Did I forget to tell you about my new girlfriend?

ARCH: (mumbles) Damn digimon got a girl before I did. What a revoltin' development.

R80: Don't be so "Grimm," Arch

ARCH: -_- Lame joke

R80: Oh shaddap.

ALIELLE: SISTER!!!!!!

KITSUNE: Arch, sugah, you gotta help us. If she catches us...

ARCH: No prob. Just keep sailing straight into the fog.

KEITARO: What fog? (Suddenly a Boston pea soup rolls in) Never mind. What about-

ARCH: We'll take care of her. Now go!

JINNAI: Get the fog lights up! And somebody get the Alka Seltzer for Shayla!

(Shortly after the "Love Hazard" ship slips into the fog a single figure paddles by in a rowboat with a lantern hanging from the bow)

ALIELLE: Hello... (All girls scurry out of sight) Have you seen Sister Shayla? (ALIELLE'S eyes glaze over slightly as she drools)

R80: Does Fatora know you're out here?

ALIELLE: She's busy with Nanami, so I volunteered to look for sister Shayla

ARCH: (Thinking) Oh brother! Three may be company but four is like... (shudders) The nameless one's work. And if she catches that boat... (Aloud) Actually, Sister Shayla said how romantic it would be to see the northern lights from the pole.

R80: (hisses) Arch! Look at her! She'll freeze.

ARCH: (Murmurs) How cold hearted do you think I am?

R80: I think you're cold as ice when you want to be, and downright mean!

ARCH: Anything else?

R80: Yeah... I wish I'd thought of that idea first. ^_~

ARCH: Alielle, wait! It's cold up north silly. At least take my cloak.

ALIELLE: (purrs) Thank you Arch.

ARCH: (Stares as she paddles away until he's malleted by MINA) OW! What was that for?

MINA: Have you no shame?

ARCH: No, but I'm no murderer either. I wear that cloak on the dark side of Pluto, so it'll keep her plenty warm. Besides, why are you so jealous? It's not my fault she thinks I'm bishi!

R80: He's gotta point Mina. She doesn't even like guys.

MINA: I read one too many Ranma fics okay? (Thinking) Besides, Arch.... You are kinda cute.

R80: Don't look at me, Arch. I don't have that many Ranma fics

ARCH: It ain't me. Akane's only that violent to Ranma in the first chapter of the AMG cross.

MINA: Look, I'm really sorry. If anything, Arch should be worried about her hanging all over me.

ARCH: (Thinking) Hmm, now how to phrase this for maximum effect? (Aloud) I suppose I should if I was your man or something. But I'm not, and even if I was, you don't belong to me, not like a pet to be fondled and cared for and spoiled.

MINA: (Thinking) Like that's a bad thing?!?!?

ARCH: Of course, there are worse things in life than having someone care about you. (Saunters off to the helm)

MINA: (Murmured) There are indeed, my Dark Angel. There are indeed. (Pause, practically screaming) THE DARK SIDE OF WHERE?

Later:

(Most of the girls are out on the deck, sunbathing. Nearby at a table, RENEMON, RIKA, BEELZEMON, and TK are playing cards. Suddenly, HARPO comes out with a huge tray of sandwiches and starts passing them out, tooting his horn as he does.)

KARI: What service!

RENEMON: Read 'em and weep, lady, gent, and 'mon. Five aces. (RENEMON lays three aces and two jokers)

TK: Shoot! (BEELZEMON squeezes off a shot which ricochets about the upper deck before whizzing past TK's head.) I didn't mean that literally! Whaddya trying ta do, part my hair?

BEELZEMON: Wait.

(TK rolls his eyes upwards as his hat and hair fall into a perfect part. He sighs, respikes his hair, and pulls a fresh hat from his nearby duffle bag.)

RIKA: Nice shooting Tex. (Puts down her cards) Think I'll get some tanning in for a while. Kitsi-chan, you mind my winnings for me and beat the pants of these two bums. (Starts to pull her shirt off to reveal her bikini top.)

Beelzemon: AHEM!

Rika: (Halfway pulling her shirt off, stops and blushes) O.O Ooops! (Runs off quickly)

RENEMON: That was rude!

Beelzemon: Let me put it this way, do you really want us to see her almost naked body?

TK: Especially when I'm already spoken for?

RENEMON: (Deals more cards) Points made.

(Minutes later, RIKA comes out in her bikini and takes a chair next to MINA. KARI tosses her some tanning oil.)

Rika: I've got to control myself better when I'm around Renemon. (Sighs dreamily)

AMI B: I'll say. You almost freaked Beelzemon out.

RIKA: Beelzemon, nothing. Imagine if TK was watching while I was stripping. (Shudders)

KARI: (Scowls) Excuse me?!

RIKA: Relax, angel face! I'm not interested in him that way. We all know he's loyal to you and nobody else when it comes to true love. Besides, who else could light his fire?

KARI: Almost any girl, if R80 has anything to say about it.

R80: (Off screen) AT LEAST I DIDN'T PAIR YOU WITH DAVIS OR MATT FOR REAL!

AMI80: Hey, TK can't help it if he's a babe magnet. Besides, R80 has you as TK's number one girl and you know that'll never change.

RIKA: What DO you see in him, anyway?

KARI: You want the abridged version or the short version? Seriously, it started as a childhood crush. He and I were the same age and the only younger kids of the Odaiba DD, so I had no one else besides Tai and the other girls to really get along with other than TK.

MINA: Are you sure you weren't using TK just to keep Davis away from you?

KARI: Even if that was my intention, Davis wouldn't stay away. When TK moved back to Odaiba, I nearly fainted the first time I saw him. That was before school that year, though.

(Enter LITA and SAKURA, talking spiritedly)

LITA: But I don't get what you see in him. I mean, he's a digimon.

RIKA: I wouldn't let Kitsi chan hear that. She might turn you into a pincushion.

(LITA is forced to take a step back as a rain of diamonds strike the deck in front of her)

LITA: (Reading) Too late. Be nice. (To Rika) Your girl's got good aim. I'm impressed.

BEELZEMON: Quit dealing out punishment and deal the cards.

RENEMON: I can't help it I always have at least one good ear on my beloved.

BEELZEMON: (mutters) Just like I keep my aimin' eye on Bell.

TK: What was that?

BEELZEMON: Nothin! Mind yer own business before I part your hair from the nose back! And before you start about Kari getting me, lemme just say i have help from up on high.

TK: (Just smiles) As do I friend. As do I. Shall we play Foxy?

RENEMON & KARI: What was that?

TK: Umm... Rene san?

BEELZEMON: Nice recovery.

TK: (Thinking) Yeah. Now I think I'll just keep my foot in my mouth a while longer. It seems safest that way.

CHICO: Hey Harpo! I need-a some help with dis-a turkey!

MINA: Is it wise to have the Marx's cooking for us?

AMI B: At least they don't stuff the turkey with a whole can of tomatoes or oyster shells like the Stooges do.

LITA: Besides, it's not like their the worst cooks in the multiverse.

(Many, many Akanes sneeze)

AMI80: Anyway, what do you see in Ken, twin of mine?

AMI B: (Mumbles) Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me.

AMI80: I had to ask, didn't i?

AMI B: You asked for it.

AMI80: It just reminds of the Darkstar days.

AMI B: Okay, I'll leave those parts out

MINA: What was so bad about the Darkstar days?

AMI80: I was married to Mimi and R80, turned into a bisexual sex maniac...

KARI: (pulls out a pad and pencil and scribbles furiously)

MINA: What are you doing?

KARI: Making copies of a note to keep Mes and Nymph away from Ami80 so she doesn't drive R80 to suicide.

AMI B: And Urd too... Though she might poison him first.

(A loud "I HEARD THAT!" echoes from the distance)

All: GOOD!

BEELZEMON: I almost shot her when she tried to get me to drink that stuff.

TK: why'd she give you some?

BEELZEMON: Ask again and you'll be talking to my gun.

TK: I withdraw the question. (Thinking) This guy takes things way too personally.

MINA: That's enough, you two! Ami, you were saying?

AMI B: I just wanted to shake my whole good girl image. I even toyed with the idea of dating Hotaru but.... (Shrugs)

RIKA: It's okay. It's not part of everyone's nature.

AMI B: (Nods) Well anyway, I was looking for the baddest of the bad, the people my mother would've gotten a restraining order against, had she known. And then I found Ken. Me and Ken started as simple highly charged fling but somehow Ken brought me out of my comfort zone and back again. After that... (Sighs happily as her glaze over)

KARI: We've lost her.

RIKA: So, Kari, why else do you like blonde boy other there?

KARI: Aside from his cute butt, nothing else.

TK: (Fumbles his cards)

BEELZEMON: What's wrong?

TK: (Gets his cards back) Ask my staff.

BEELZEMON: Touché pussy cat!

LITA: And you frosty? Nothing unnerves you.

RIKA: Except Rene chan

LITA: Exactly. Why is that?

RENEMON: Last chance to cover your ears, boys.

BEELZEMON: And lose my hand? No way!

TK: Besides, I'm always curious when partners fall in love. You two aren't the first and you probably wont be the last. Now pipe down!

RIKA: (Softly) I fell for her... At first, because she was so unattainable. Then after I almost lost her... (Shakes her head) She reminded me I do have a sensitive side.

RENEMON: (Whispered) The first joker who says anything gets Diamond Stormed into next week. It isn't easy for her to say this.

BEELZEMON: No jokers here, just chickens. and I do mean TK.

TK: Turkey!

BEELZEMON: I'd give you the bird for that, IF there was a way to do it without getting in trouble with the censors.

Rika: The first time she took me into her arms, I cried like I hadn't cried in years.

Kari: You needed to and Renemon knew that.

Rika: Thank you Miss Goody Two Wings. I guess I fell in love with Renemon for the same reason we all did.

Mina: We missed that first step?

Rika: To be complete, Venus. To be complete.

AMI80: Okay, Lita. your turn

LITA: You know. To this day I can't figure out why I fell in love with someone 16 going on 70. It just feels so right being around him and Hotaru. And boy can that girl-

HOTARU: (Enters blushing furiously) LI CHAN! That they don't need to know!

LITA: (Sees Ami80 with a brick in her hands) Oh yeah, Sorry! Forgot.

HOTARU: Anyway. I was drawn to Iori kun because I saw in him another kindred soul. We were both - no all- forced to grow up too fast. That's why when we're together, we tend to bring out the child in each other

AMI80: That's no problem with Rob, except for when he hits bad memories. He likes being a child again

LITA: So who haven't we heard from... Sakuuuura....

SAKURA: I get the hint! Well, you can thank that... that...

AMI80: Asshole? Idiot? Baka? Diablo? Shi-

SAKURA: Asshole will be quite sufficient for this, thank you. ...That asshole Darkstar! Grrr, thinking about that pervert makes me so MAD!

AMI80: I know, Saki baby. (Pulls SAKURA into a hug) But you've got to calm down. You're turning all red.

OTHERS: (Stare)

SAKURA: It's not like that guys. Ami's like my sister. She's the only one who understands how I feel.... Because she felt it too.

MINA: Ah... And now it comes out. He put you and Ve together with...?

SAKURA: Well, DorkStar paired us up, although V80 and R80 were VERY reluctant to do it. but... we grew to like each other, (smiles happily) then came love... (frowns) AND THEN THAT DICKHEAD THREW TOMOYO INTO THE MIX!!!

KARI: (gasp) Isn't she...

SAKURA: My cousin. Sick bastard, ain't he?

MINA: Just one more reason for me to kill him. Not that I need it.

AMI80: The dumb ass didn't know that, though. He only saw the Dubbed CCS.

SAKURA: But still, he had the three of us married, and made me and her go at it more than anything else other than... (looks at Ami80) I'll stop there

V80: You don't wanna know what he did to me BEFORE that happened!

KARI: Start talkin'. We'll call it thereapy

SAKURA: Kari, it involves you and Gatomon.

KARI: ...Forget what I said!

RIKA: And you, child of Venus? Who do you love?

MINA: Me? Love? I'm just a happy single girl!

HOTARU: Now I know why you never won any of the Scout's poker games. You're a terrible liar.

Mina: HEY! Neither did Serena!

Ami80: Don't change the subject!

Rika: Lessee. You're is of medium height, has a black pony tail and one eye? Am I right?

Mina: If it's so obvious why can't he see it?

Rika: Kitsi chan knew how I felt, even before I did.

Mina: I don't understand.

Rika: I'm strong Mina. Out of all of us girls, I'd have to say that Arch is most like me. Strong, fiercely independent, and very goal oriented. But I think most importantly, he's lonely. He throws himself so fully into his work and his fics and the keep so he doesn't realize how truly lonely he is.

Mina: I don't want him to be lonely any more. (Softly) And I don't want to be either.

Ami80: Men aren't as smart in love as they think they are. ...and sometimes neither are we women

Ami B: Sounds like my twin had some problems with her man.

Ami80: Just a slight case of attempted homicide is all. So Rika, how did you persue your realtionship with Renemon? It might give Mina an idea of where to start.

Rika: Wait just a second! Whaddya mean slight case of-

TK: Beelzemon, you're cheating!

Beelzemon: Am not!

Renemon: oh really?

Beelzemon: Yeah, all I got are four aces!

Renemon: then how come they're all SPADES!

Beelzemon: They're not! see? Three spades and a club-! O.o uh-oh.

TK: (Grabs Beelzemon and shakes him as cards fall out fo his clothes) If you wanna cheat, then cheat fair because if there's anything i can't stand, it's a crooked crook!

Rika: Five... four...

Kari: Three... two...

Together: One... zero....

Renemon: Diamond Storn!

TK: (Changes to his Angelic form of OMNI) Halo Blade!

Beelzemon: Does everyone on this damn boat have wings!

(A flash of light and Belldandy80 appears, shielding Beelzemon)

Bell80: THOU SHALL NOT HARM MY LOVE!!!

All: LOVE?!?!

R80: Don't look at me, I'm as stumped as you are!

Arch: (Thinking) Somehow Rob... I think you know more than your telling.

Omni: Hmm... Angel vs Goddess. I bow out this time. (points to Beelzemon) But you stop cheating, or next time I might decide to press my luck.

Beelzemon: I will! (Raises a hand in a boy scout salute dislodging more cards) Scouts... honor?

Bell80: (Sighs) Bee kun, I wonder what a goddess like me ever saw in an imp like you.

Rika: Bell, you can sit in for me if it'll keep him honest.

Bell80: Arigato, Rika san.

Rika: Look, if Gotsumon and Trigger happy there can get Shinobu and Bell, what's stopping you from going after Arch?

Mina: I'm afraid of having my heart broken.

Kari: Mina, you, me and TK, we were the first. We've been with Arch for as long as he's had muses, but we know nothing of his past before that. Maybe... he's scared of hurting you... or being hurt by you.

Ami B: Spekaing of heartbreaks, I heard AMI80 broke R80's heart a few times.

Ami80: I NEVER TOLD THAT BAKA TO MERGE WITH MY HEART CRYSTAL!

Lita: If he hadn't you'd be dead.

Ami80: he should have let me... after all... Greg and i did to him...

Mina: Whaddya do? Shoot him?

Ami80: DUmped him for a lie, nearly killed him on several occasions, let Greg kiss me just to hurt him

Mina: Hmm... no less than what I want to do to Arch half the time.

Ami80: one day, i yelled at Rob, demanding to know why he couldn't leave me alone. by then, he was veyr sick from merging our heart crystals... he could barely breathe... then Cell attacked, and-.

Mina: And you almost lost him.

Hotaru: Why?

Ami80: Huh?

Hotaru: Cell attacked you. Why?

Sakura: that was before he joined us. he was still semi-evil, and wanted to duek it out with rob as a super goblin. It's a Saiyan thing

Mina: He'd have killed Rob.

Ami80: exactly. Rob was only able to turn goblin then.... cell threw him around like arag doll... but he stopped when he realized the grim truth...Rob was dying

Mina: A dying advasary is no challenge. That fact has saved Arch's life on at least one occasion.

Ami80: Cell tossed his limp body to me and said, "He's dying because of you, you know. Killing him now while he's weak would rob me of my revenge AND the glorious death that he deserves. Only you have the power to save him, if you still love him."

Rika: (shivers) That's cold, even for me.

Ami80: Well, the others didn't like me very much back then. They had Rob taken to the hospital, where he drifted in and out of comas for weeks. My mom was his doctor. She didn't know how he was dying, but she knew I was involved. Turns out she knew our secrets. at her request, I went to see him, alone. He was half- awake, long enough to say he wouldn't hound me any longer ...that I didn't need him after all. He slipped into another coma, one I knew he wouldn't wake up from. I finally broke down, realizing I still loved him.

Mina: Losing half your soul does that to you. I know (beat) Wait, how do I know that?

Hotaru: Thus far I am only aware of two individuals with the ablity to slip through time: Setsuna and Archangel.

Kari: I doubt Arch would let a little thing like linear time stop him.

Lita: Look at the plus side. In a possible future you two did get together.

Ami80: Oh, do NOT get me started on possible futures! I've seen 2 of them where Rob either died or married someone else and I married Greg!

R80: At least I never married Jun.

Chico: (Comes out on deck) Hey Arch! Da radio, she says-a dere's a big storm-a near us and is-a no stop!

Bell80: You mean that storm over there? (points to a dark patch of sky in front of the boat)

Kari: I vote we go home!

Ami B: I second-!

(Thunder crashes)

Arch: Too late now, the polls just closed! Everybody get below decks and hold tight! TK, you're with me! (Beat) THANK YOU SHINOBU!

TK: Aye, aye sir! (Starts humming) Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

Arch: Don't TK... You jinx us so help me god I'll beat you within an inch of your divine little life.

TK: Come on Arch, what harm can a little song do?

Arch: Lots. (Draws on a long cloak and pulls up the hood so he's completely covered) So don't sing it.

TK: You're just paranoid. (Takes a deep breath) A tale of a fateful trip, that started from this tropic port.

Arch: (As the winds increase in power and the ship rocks violently from side to side.) You get us killed and I'll take it out of your angelic hide. (Quickly taps a few buttons on a console)

TK: Never happen! (Bellowing into the storm) ABOARD THIS TINY SHIP! THE MATE WAS A MIGHTY SAILING MAN, THE SKIPPER BRAVE AND SURE! FIVE PASSENGERS SET SAIL THAT DAY FOR A THREE HOUR TOUR!

Arch: (Looks on as a lightening bolt blasts a hole in the hull) Oh what the heck. We're screwed anyway. (Raises his voice) A THREE HOUR TOUR!

TK: (Blinks in surprise) That's the spirit Arch! ( Glances up at a towering wave)

TK: Ah her come da big wave, mon! Tell kari I got a date wid de mermaid!

Arch: Who died and left you a Kuno?

(The Lightstar is swallowed by a wave)