Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Been watching too many commercials... ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own some things, but DBZ is not one of them. So no suing, fool!

Chapter 1

The woman wanted to have a goddamn party.

Of course I didn't want to go, and I told her that straight out. Then she went off on this whole, "you need to spend more time with your son," rant. I contemplated telling her just what I had accomplished by the time I was nine, but then I'd have to go to the party and sleep on the couch. Bitch.

So here I am in the damn garden with the woman and the boy and their baka friends. The woman even made me sit at a stupid little table within earshot of the bakas. And I thought I was done with hell. Now I get to listen to Kakkarot babble some more. How fucking thrilling. I deserve more than this, considering I personally saved all their sorry asses by making sure anything with the word "karaoke" on it was destroyed before that baka Krillin could get near it. Even the brat's old Disney CDs. I've learned my lesson.

The only saving grace at these awful parties is the woman… She has a habit of drinking quite a bit at these little outings, and it's quite the sight to see. She doesn't normally get that frisky, at least not without any provocation. And I've found that if I consume enough alcohol to drown out about most of whatever else is going on, these parties actually become rather entertaining.

So that's where I sit, enjoying the fact that if I drink this beer fast enough I can drown out Kakkarot's idiotic voice. Now he's arguing with his woman about his brat again. Of course he had to sit down closer to me to try to get my support in his argument, a request I deny by ignoring his presence completely. Bulma comes over and plops down across from me with her glass of cheap wine. I find it comical that she buys the most expensive drinks money can buy to give to her baka friends but gets trashed on three dollar a bottle bargain wine. She seems pretty composed, but there's a gleam in her eye that I'm more than just casually familiar with. Horny already I see… I stare through the glass table top as she playfully kicks off a sandal and starts rubbing her foot along my leg. Maybe we'll have to leave the party early… She sets down her wine to take a sip of my beer and then leans back into her chair going back to her wine.

"Glad you like the beer I got you, it's imported."

I finished the rest of the glass in a single gulp.

"Yeah, it tastes great."

She stops and stares at me, with first a look of confusion and then something slightly malicious.

"What did you say?"

"I said this beer tastes great."

"Well, I disagree with you."

"Uhhh…"

"I think," she says, slightly louder with a smirk that could have come straight off my own face, as she slowly brings her hands up toward her chest, "that this beer is LESS FILLING!" and with one swift motion she tears through the small buttons along the front of her sundress, revealing a black lace bra. Not the most practical thing, but enjoyable nonetheless

I quickly notice that everyone has heard this, and now everyone stares at her and at me. She slams her hands on the table and shoves herself up to stand, grabs me by the shirt and proceeds to drag me somewhere. Of course, I have to allow her to drag me, but I'm really too shocked to do anything else. I notice out of the corner of my eye as Trunks grabs Goten by the collar and they take off. Good, I don't think I'd like to share with them where this is going, even if I did know. I see now that she's pulling me towards the pool; it's unmistakable, she's going straight there. She approaches the edge and does a swift 180, turning to face me with only her toes on the pavement, using her hold on me for support. She leans back and tumbles into the pool with me in tow.

Is there something in cheap wine that enhances one's ability to remove clothing? Because by the time we surface, she's already throwing random articles of my clothing onto the poolside area every which way. Krillin and the android are departing, as are most of the other bakas. Kakkarot is too busy arguing with his woman to notice, despite the look of horror on the black-haired bitch's face. The only thing funnier than that, is the look of absolute shock on Gohan and the Satan girl's faces. Reality check, kids, Saiyajin grow up fast…

As best as I can tell, the woman is trying to engage me in a mock fight, so I'm happy to oblige her and dunk her underwater, getting rid of that pesky sundress in the process. The panties come next, and I make a point to fling them farther than the dress. Perfect shot, right in front of the Satan girl. Now she's even paler before. Guess she doesn't wear that kind of thing for the bookworm.

Somehow Bulma manages to beat me, and I wind up naked before I get her bra undone. With that removed (another great shot by the Saiyajin no Ouji, right at the Satan girl's feet) she shoves me against the edge of the pool and proceeds to assault me with her mouth. I could go for that. As I indulge myself, I hear the last thing I want to hear when fucking my wife… Kakkarot's blasted voice.

"Whoa! What happened?"

What the fuck do you think is happening, Kakkarot, I'm pleasing my mate. Maybe your woman wouldn't yell at you so much if you learned how.

Kakkarot paled. My bad, projecting my thoughts like that.

"That's not fair, Vegeta!"

Of course, no one else heard my comments, so everyone turns to him in confusion.

"And just what the hell does THAT mean, Goku?" Chichi screamed. Normally I would say that her voice hurts my ears, but anyone angry at Kakkarot is at least superficially a friend of mine.

"No, Chichi, I didn't mean- I just- he said- I mean he thought-"

"Does this have something to do with last night?"

I chuckle to myself, even as Bulma grasps for my cock. This is going to get very interesting. Just what has Kakkarot been depriving his woman of? I do believe this is heaven. I have my woman's hands in all the right places and my rival's fate sealed. Bulma pulls me to her entrance and impales herself upon me, moaning deeply. Kami, this couldn't get any better.

"Chichi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Didn't mean what? To leave me high and dry for the last week and a half??? A woman has needs, you know!"

I howl with laughter. Not only is Kakkarot in above his head, but about five feet away is a terrified Gohan listening to his parents argue about their sex lives. And the look on the Satan girl's face is precious. She has no idea what to do with herself!

"Chichi, I'm sorry!"

"Sorry my ass!"

"What do you want me to do, rip off your clothes and take you in the pool?"

There's an awkward silence that follows that let's me know that this is going to be a day to remember. He may be stronger than me, and that might always be the case, but no one on this blasted planet should have any doubts about who the better lover is. Of course it does help that I have the more attractive, more flexible wife… But in overhearing the women in their little gossip sessions I know that Kakkarot and Chichi have nothing on me and Bulma. Ha, and there's Gohan, cringing in horror as his father unfastens his gi and his mother unbuttons her blouse. This really is one hell of a party!

~Yay, chapter one done! Please read and review! I was having writer's block with my other fic, and since that one's due for a little angsty interlude coming up, I figured I'd satisfy you folks with some pure smut. Enjoy! Plus it's interesting to write in first person present tense. Okay, so anything is more interesting than writing lab reports, which is what I should be doing now. Oh yeah, and do you get the commercial reference? You might say that in the commercial it was two girls, but there was another commercial with a guy fantasizing about a girl dragging him into the fountain. And I figured a pool was better than a fountain, because for one, who just randomly keeps fountains around, and two, a pool is larger, which just might come in handy later on ;)