Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Bejiita - Unattached ❯ Pt. 10 bittersweet After taste ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Rated: Strong R
Warnings: Yaoi, lemon intense, lil angsty, steamy, language. Enjoy ^^
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just using the characters for my own amusement. So don't sue!

===

| ...words.. | denotes thought.

Part 10

Somehow, after all was said and done, it managed to encompass exactly what we wanted. What we both desperately needed.

And it was wonderful.

It's truly amazing how such angst, and sorrow, how so many cascading affects of my, of our all consuming longing for one another, could be solved by such a simple thing. One act, one man; could make such a difference in my life, change me like no other.

Buruma. She was a friend, a lover, and mother to my children. But she did not suit me. She was a separate entity with which I found some common ground for a time. Always separate. Never truly a part of me, a part of my soul as I needed her, needed someone to be.

But Kakarotto... in his arms, I found what I'd been searching for all my life but could not name until now.

Completion, and understanding.

It was more than I thought I could ever have. More than I could ever hope for. And now I have it.

I could die right now, and have no regrets...

===

I dream. A peculiar dream where I wake to a strange feeling of complete weightlessness.

Detachment from any outside force or the normal entities that bind me to them, to other people from, even to my own body. As if floating totally freely in a world, a sea of soft white. Cool air blows through my hair and over my skin; moist, and uncovered. Even the most minimal restrictions are not present. I feel as though I remember nothing. But the chill in the breeze makes me shiver, and thus reminds me that I still need warmth, if nothing else.

Slowly, I become aware of the sound the wind makes as it whips faster through the hair on my head. The feeling of it over my arms, and torso, and legs. The evaporation of the perspiration on my skin, making it even cooler. I shiver to generate warmth but find I don't need to. Just as I'd newly discovered my arms, legs and body, I notice warmth radiating from my side, under my legs and across my back, slightly covering one shoulder.

"Nmh..?" The sound makes me remember a voice. My voice. The warmth becomes heat as if responding, and moving closer. My throat works on its own, trying to generate more sounds. A particular set of syllables. They seem to have such meaning, but I don't rem...

"Be.. jii..t.a.." I hear myself say.

My eyes open, but are hurt by the light as if I'd never used them before. My vision clears and the muscles in my neck work to turn my head and look up. I see a man. A man with dark, raven hair and even darker eyes, and slightly tanned skin staring back at me. His face seems as though it should hold some expression. But it has none. None, until he smiles.

He smiles and everything comes back.

Grandpa. Buruma. Muten Roshi sama. Training. Kuririn. Chichi. Yamcha. Tien. Chouzu. Pikkoro.
Lover. Friends. Enemies. Gohan. Raddiz. Death. Nappa. Bejiita. Heritage. Intrigue. Ginyu.
Furiiza. Evil. Trunks. Cell. Death. Goten. Second chances. Babidi. Bejiita. Buu. Loss.
Difficulty. Kai. Defeat. Victory. Tournaments. Normalcy. Sparing. Bejiita. Ambiguity.
Time. Chichi. Love. Affection. Friendship. Bejiita. Friendship. Affection. Love.
Gokuu. Kakarotto. Guilt. Chichi. Anger. Rage. Betrayal. Exile. Pain.
Loneliness. Longing. Obsession. Insanity. Need. Bejiita. Hope.
Gohan. Conflict. Confusion. Bejiita. Buruma. Bejiita. Kiss.
Bejiita. Sacrifice. Bejiita. Gain. Bejiita. Lover. Bejiita.
Complete. Bejiita. Freedom. Stability. Bejiita. Love.
Life. Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita.
Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita.
Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita.
Bejiita. Bejiita. Bejiita.
Bejiita. Bejiita.
Bejiita.

My life comes flooding back and suddenly I didn't feel so detached. No longer so light, so cold...

So... isolated.

I've been surrounded by many people all my life. But in a way, I'd always been rather distant from them. They would complain off and on that my head was always in the clouds. That I could forget things, important things so easily chasing something that seemed so trivial.

And it was true.

Other than train, eat, and sleep, I did little else, as if my life had no definite aim. Some would say that was the definition of freedom and happiness. But I'm not so sure.

My mind was always somewhere else. I was never completely content. Always felt as though I were missing something, but never knew what. Unwittingly and constantly searching for that nameless thing that would fill a void. That thing that would calm the discontent, that would ground me, that would fill me, make me whole, make me truly happy. So that maybe finally, I could stop searching and rest.

===

When I finally wake, my limbs ache. My body feels sated, and lethargic, and heavy. But Bejiita carries me. All the way back to my house in the woods.

He placed me on the bed gently. His hands lingering for a while before he turns and walks towards the bathroom for a shower. There is no exchange of words. One would think that after what we just did, that there should be some sort of "pillow talk." But there is none. It's not necessary. Words are so limited anyway. His actions have already spoke volumes. The room is silent save for the faint squeaking of faucet handles.

And it's ok.

| "That thing." I didn't realize I'd already found it, found him, years ago... How silly I was to be so unaware. |

We've only been a couple for a day, yet already I feel like he's been with me all along.

| How smart I was not to let him slip through my fingers. |

I turn over facing the small dresser near my bed and notice a picture of me, holding Goten when he was still a small boy. Just big enough to tuck under my arm. Smiling like the silly little thing he is.

The sound of water rushing from the shower head pulls my attention away for a moment, then I concentrate on the photo again. I look at the picture for a long time, and I just couldn't help wondering...

How much had that revelation, stability, and completion really cost me...?

===

-Weeks Later-

Trunks sat on my bed, reading comic books as he'd always done. Except this time, there was no true smile of enjoyment, no overly animated behavior as he read it, no 'hey Goten, you gotta see this! ' Not even the same old Trunks anymore. Just a quiet, listless, lavender haired boy of 15 thumbing through the pages of what used to be his favorite book.

"Goten, she's getting worse you know..." he said softly.

His mother Buruma, as expected, was not happy. Bejiita had left her. Something I didn't think he'd ever do. Left her for my father. Something I thought he would never do. Ever. It was strange. What was stranger was that we all knew exactly when they were... together. He and Dad. The Earth shook under our feet. It happened quite often.

It was strange.

I didn't know how to feel about Dad being... that way. But I wasn't angry, or ashamed. Just kinda... shocked. We all were. Well, maybe I should only speak for myself. Trunks only seemed to be upset that Bejiita wasn't a part of his and his mama's life anymore. Not about his new choice of lifestyle. Gohan seemed just fine with it. As if he expected it, or even already knew about it. Hnn.

But my Mother, she was livid. In my whole life, I've never seen her that angry. I know what Dad did was, while accidental, must have been devastating for her. But then she forbade him from ever even coming near me again. His own son. That seemed much harsher than anything Dad could have done.

When Trunks first came by, a few days after Bejiita took off, she almost wouldn't let him in. He'd been my very best friend for the past 14 years, and she would not let him in. I wondered if maybe in her mind, Trunks reminded her of Bejiita, and Bejiita made her think of Dad, and Dad always made her think of that 'betrayal' the night she kicked him out. At least that's what I thought.

I was pissed at her for projecting these marital problems onto Trunks, but I understood at the same time. Granted that may not have been why she was being so awful to Trunks, but whatever the reason one thing was still true:

"I know you're mad at Dad. But Trunks hasn't done anything wrong mama..."

I think I shocked her. She still sees me as her little boy, naive and giggling. She doesn't see that I'm not a baby anymore. She doesn't realize that 'little boys' have eyes too.

For once that perpetual mask of barely contained rage she always wore now-a-days slipped for a little while, and I caught a glimpse of my real Mother. My real Mother was not cursing Dad's name, or screaming all the time. She was crying. Crying for him. She still had feelings for him, and may have even regretted what had happened, how she reacted, letting him go...

"Sure Trunks, come in," she said sniffing lightly. "You're always welcome here."

===

We have more in common than I thought, Bejiita and I. He enjoys hunting and fishing, and is even better at it than me! I get the impression that it's like going back to our roots.

And he loves music. Especially Jazz. I was surprised, I'd been under the assumption that he was disdainful of everything human. But he's warmed to Earth, warmed to me, so much since he's been here.

It turns out that I had no machines or devices for playing music here, so he picked up one at Capsule Corp mall not too long ago. Now the unique sounds he loves so much, the sounds I am growing more and more fond of, waft through the house, and the lazy, heavy, heat of a summer afternoon.

Every day I find out something new about him. Some new quirk that I could not have seen unless I was so close to him. I wonder if even Buruma knew him like I did, like I do, like I will. I doubted it, but at the same time I felt a pang of jealousy that I could be wrong about that. That anyone else has been, or could be close to him except me. I'd become rather possessive of him. I wonder if he noticed.

Life, living here, in this house in the woods, is so much more enjoyable, now that Bejiita is with me. Thought that should come as no surprise. But what did surprise me was the nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Days would go by, but the feeling persisted.

I passed that photo of my son on my dresser on the way to the kitchen. How much had that revelation, stability and completion really cost me...? The words rang in my head.

"Kakarotto, come on. Your food is getting cold!" Bejiita yells from the kitchen.

Hesitantly, I push the picture face down in the dresser and continue on my way.

TBC...