Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Blaze in the Dark ❯ The Wondering ( Chapter 5 )

Blaze in the Dark by JaoLynn

 

Chapter 5 - The Wondering

 

A nightmare intruded my sleep in the night, reminding me of one reason why I should have ignored my feelings for Vegeta. I should have known better when I heard about Trunks, and if Vegeta hadn't done anything to conceive Trunks, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just tell him to go sleep with Bulma without a reason. Sometimes I hated being absentminded as I sometimes was. My reality-startling dream kept me up after jolting me awake and even though it was so early I couldn't fall asleep again. I got dressed and left home before the sun was up, heading for Capsule Corp and hoping Vegeta was up early training.

 

I phased in beside his training capsule only to see the lights weren't on. I sensed for him, quickly locking on to his location, before appearing in his bedroom. He was lying in his bed, still sleeping. I had never seen him asleep before. It was a rare opportunity to see him with all defenses down. He looked at peace. Perhaps he was having a good dream.

 

I walked closer to the sleeping prince's bed and got under the covers with him, snuggling close to him. I felt him shudder upon my touch, possibly I woke him? My suspicions were confirmed when the prince turned to face me. He didn't look very awake, as his eyes were only half open. I took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply, hoping to grab his attention and wake him fully. It seemed to work; his eyes were widened now.

 

“What are you doing here at...” he paused and looked at the clock on his bedside table before continuing the rest of his sentence, “Four in the morning?” His tone was very serious and inquisitive. Had I made him mad?

 

“I'm sorry…I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. What's the problem? You don't like having me in your bed with you? I like it… Besides, I thought you woke up way early for training…I didn't think I'd be bothering you.”

 

Vegeta's face turned a bit sour for some reason when I mentioned training. He turned away from me.

 

“I haven't been sleeping well.”

 

“Oh…Why not?” I asked, oblivious to what could possibly hinder my Prince's sleep.

 

“It's…” he paused as if he was contemplating the right words to say, “Nothing...Don't worry about it. I'm just under a lot of pressure right now, that's all.”

 

“I'm distracting you, aren't I?” I should have realized before, it was so obvious. He was spending all his time with me, and not training for the androids. “I'm sorry. Maybe I could help you train, or something.” I threw the suggestion out there, but I still had my doubts his pride would accept an offer like that.

 

“No… I have to do my training alone, there's no other way. I…I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I was training with you… I'm sure you'd end up distracted too, if you know what I mean…” He had turned back around mid-sentence, and seemed a little bit in better spirits, though it still looked as though he was bothered.

 

I looked blankly for a moment, then I realized what he meant by distracted.

 

“Oh… I see. I guess you're right. Should I leave and come back later, so you can get some work done?” I really hadn't meant to distract him this much, I was ashamed of myself.

 

Another thought crossed my mind as I waited for his answer. Maybe, this was a lie. What if he was already involved with Bulma but was humoring me anyways? That didn't really make sense, though. Besides, I trust Vegeta, and he seems like the type who would just come out and say he doesn't want to be with me anymore if he felt that way. I just couldn't help but worry about having it on my conscience if I were the reason Trunks was not born.

 

“No…don't leave. You owe me for coming in here and waking me from a rare peaceful sleep…” I heard him trying to be sarcastic to lighten the mood.

 

I could tell he was still a bit uneasy, but his caring for me was more important to him than upsetting the relationship between us. Sure, there would likely be other reasons and people that would cause problems in the future, but why should we be the ones who mess things up for some stupid reason?

 

I couldn't see myself not being around Vegeta like this. It was so easy to be around him. I loved how I could be funny yet serious when I was with him. I couldn't be like that with anyone else. Chichi never takes me seriously, and she certainly doesn't understand my love for fighting or the reason I am the way I am, though I've told her before it's because I'm a Saiyan and not a human. She doesn't even seem to grasp that I'm not human, no matter how many times I tell her. I can't be something that I'm not.

 

I jerked myself back to the current situation. A response to Vegeta's question was in order.

 

“What can I do to make it up to you?” I said as I snuggled closer to Vegeta, hoping he wouldn't notice my distracted tone of voice. It was enough that he as having problems concentrating on his training. If he thought something was bothering me, what was I going to tell him?

 

Vegeta wrapped his arms around me, and came to rest his head against my beating heart. He just laid for a moment in silence. I was wondering whether he was contemplating my punishment or thinking yet again about not being prepared when it came time to fight the androids.

 

“Maybe I should come back later… It'll be ok, Vegeta…” I didn't speak loudly, still undecided as to what he was thinking.

 

I looked down at him as best as I could, and I realized then he'd fallen back asleep. He said he was having a rare peaceful sleep. I suspected he was able to fall back into his peaceful sleep because I was here, and perhaps this was the favor I owed him.

 

****

 

I opened my eyes, and a mixture of orange and blue making up Kakarott's shirt came into my view. I closed my eyes for a moment again and took in the scent of him; nothing could describe how good and relaxing of a smell he had. I subconsciously hugged onto him tighter when I took in his aroma.

 

“You awake, Vegeta?” He spoke softly, sweetly to me like nothing else mattered besides being with me.

 

“Hn… What time is it?” That was the first thing I thought to say, knowing despite the time it didn't matter; I was already loosing so much time anyways.

 

“It's about 10 or 11 in the morning. Are you going to train now?” He spoke with such a laid back demeanor, but it was no laid back matter.

 

“I can't believe I slept that late. Damn it.” I conked my head lightly against his chest to emphasize how stupid I felt.

 

The other Saiyan ran his fingers through my hair and tilted my head up to meet his gaze, not even a second later placing his lips on mine.

 

“Don't be too hard on yourself. I know you'll be prepared in time, Vegeta. I'll come back later so you can train for now, okay?”

 

He didn't really give me a chance to respond, as he was gone within 2 seconds. It was so easy for him to say that I would be prepared in time. He didn't have anything to worry about, because he was a Super Saiyan, and I wasn't. I couldn't understand it. Why did I have to train so much harder than him to get where I wanted to be? I didn't think I'd been that distracted by him, despite thinking about him a lot and taking it just a notch easier on myself. I hadn't been paying attention. This had been taking a greater toll than I thought. At this rate, I wouldn't be ready. If I wasn't a Super Saiyan, I would die. I couldn't let that happen. I had to try harder today. I would prove I was meant to be the Prince of all Saiyans.

 

I moved with haste to get ready to start my training, better late than never, before the younger Saiyan came back later. There I was thinking about him. It was like a constant thing, since the day I met him. I stepped into the gravity chamber in the capsule ship in the Briefs' backyard. I turned the gravity up to 400 times Earth's normal gravity. I assaulted the air with my punches and kicks, desperately trying to make something happen; something besides these thoughts about you. Why was it like this? I never asked for any of this. I never wanted to feel like this. I enjoyed being with you, loved being with you, and yet at the same time while I wasn't with you and when I was it felt like being tortured. You couldn't feel like this, the same as me, could you Kakarott? If you did, how could you so easily leave me like you did this morning? How is it you don't seem as desperate to see me, to the point that you can't hold yourself back when you see me, like I feel when I see you again after any amount of time?

 

I can only come to one conclusion, one way to describe this. I am irrevocably, hopelessly in love with you. It is to the point that it hurts. And I have had enough of it. Wanting to see you, knowing it is so easy to see you, but not because there are things to do and people in the way. There is only one thing that I can do. I have to leave here to complete my training, or else being distracted by you will end up getting me killed, or worse.

 

There was a knock on the door. Kakarott wouldn't knock, so who was it? I turned the gravity off, and opened the door. It was Bulma. She hadn't said much to me since that one night, come to think of it. Of course I'd been rather occupied myself, so I wouldn't have noticed. I waited for her to say something.

 

“Um…Vegeta…I need to talk to you.” She sounded nervous, and she looked as if she'd been feeling ill.

 

“What is it?” I asked kind of impatiently, anxious to get back to my training, if you'd call it that.

 

“Can I come in for a minute and talk to you? Please?” For some reason I couldn't tell her no. She was probably the only human I acknowledged on this planet.

 

I stood out the way of the doorway and let her come in. She closed the door behind us. I was starting to wonder what she would have to talk to me about that seemed like it made her sick.

 

“Why is this necessary? What is so important that you need to interrupt me?”

 

“I'm sorry, Vegeta. There's something I have to tell you. I'm…I'm pregnant.”

 

I failed to see why this had anything to do with me yet. So she was pregnant. Was I someone she needed to tell for some reason? It's not like we were friends or anything.

 

“So, why does this involve me?” I asked, very curious.

 

“It's…yours.” She had to be kidding me, right?

 

“What? Are you sure?” This was not happening to me, not now. It looks like that one-night stand was going to cost me a lot of trouble now.

 

“Yes...You're the only one I've been with since Yamcha…” I wish she wasn't telling me this.

 

“Oh…Are you going to get rid of it?”

 

Her eyes widened in shock. I guess she didn't like that idea much. It would only make things harder.

 

“No, actually, Vegeta…I want to have this baby. I'm not getting any younger you know, and I want to be a mother…”

 

“Can't you go have a kid with that human?” Why does it have to be mine? I didn't understand this logic of hers.

 

“I don't want to be with Yamcha anymore. All those years with him and I have never really thought I could have a family with him, or thought he'd be a good father…”

 

“And you think I would be a much better one?” She has obviously lost it if she thinks that, so what WAS she thinking?

 

“Well…I understand if you don't want to be a part of it. I just don't want to have an abortion, because I could never live with myself if I did that.”

 

I suppose I could understand that point of view a little bit better if I were a woman. Luckily I am not, and I am not weak enough to hesitate to get rid of something that probably shouldn't be given a chance to live. Now I would have an obligation to her. How would I explain this to Kakarott?

 

“Is there something I should do then?”

 

“Just…try to be here for the baby…please? You can stay here as long as you want after the androids, too.”

 

I guess I could meet those requirements, though I really didn't want to. I should probably just leave now; actually I should have left a long time ago. I was most concerned about what I would say to Kakarott regarding this.

 

“I'll…see. I'm not promising anything. I get sick of this place and I'm out of here.”

 

“No pressure, Vegeta. I just want the baby to know its father, that's all I really ask.”

 

With that she left, and the younger Saiyan was all I could think about again, only in a different way this time.

 

****

 

I was anxious to get back to Vegeta, but at the same time I had this eerie feeling. Something wasn't right. For one, I hadn't felt any surge in his power level since shortly after I left. What that meant I didn't know. Either something had happened to Vegeta, or something had distracted him from training. Was I still a distraction even though I wasn't there, or was it something involving Bulma? I feel ashamed for thinking this, but maybe I shouldn't come back tonight. I wonder what he would do if I didn't? I guess I would know how much he really does have me in his thoughts if he ended up seeking me out when I was past due. That would be my test, to know if there was something going on or not. If he didn't show up here tonight, I would talk to him about this seriously tomorrow.

 

I let myself get caught up in meaningless things for the rest of the day, trying as hard as I could not to let it get to me. I wish there was something else I could do besides just sit here and wait. I knew that if I were to go there and see him with her, I wouldn't be able to take it. I would understand, because it inevitably would have to happen or already did, but I wouldn't be able to help being jealous.

 

****

 

I figured it may be after dark before the other Saiyan would return to me, but it had been dark for quite a while now and it was starting to get what I'd call late. I was growing impatient with Kakarott. I was already nervous about the whole ordeal I had ahead of me, and this wasn't helping. I'd been playing though my mind what to say to him all day, but none of it sounded right. Would this be the end of us? I couldn't stop thinking about how awkward it would be if this caused us to go our separate ways. I would most likely end up leaving after the androids were defeated.

 

Maybe he wouldn't be mad at me for what I did. What if he understands why I did it? It may not be a bad thing to have Bulma as a cover for our relationship. It would keep anyone from thinking anything, for sure. Who was I kidding? It would never go that well; maybe in my dreams. This was a nightmare. Just thinking about it was making me angry because there wasn't a solution in front of me. He would probably be able to tell something was bothering me the second he saw me too. Where the hell was Kakarott anyways?!

 

It was getting really annoying to have to sit here and wait for him to come at his convenience. I would just have to go and find him myself and get this horror over with. Maybe I shouldn't say a word to him and just take off now before someone found out about us, which would have happened sooner or later anyways. Though, I'm not sure if I was capable of leaving now.

 

I took off into the air, hoping I would be able to sort my thoughts out and think of the right thing to say on the way there, but the trip was surprisingly quick and my thoughts equally blank. I envied the serene location of Kakarott's abode for a moment once I got there. It must have been nice to be in a place with lots of open areas like this, away from the hustle and bustle of the loud city Capsule Corp resided in.

 

All of the lights were out in his house, meaning everyone was probably asleep. Well, Kakarott had better not be. I raised my power level up and quickly back down so maybe he's notice my presence. Hopefully he was paying attention. He had better be awake. I would hate to think what I'd do if he had decided to ditch me tonight. Kakarott opened the door quietly and closed it behind him, and I had landed on the ground in front of him by the time he finished closing the door.

 

“What time did you plan on coming back, Kakarott?” I whispered with an impatient tone, though I could have easily yelled I was so mad when I saw him looking as relaxed as he did, like he really hadn't intended on coming back tonight. He looked quite upset tonight.

 

“I…uh…” he fidgeted around with his words like he was thinking of what to say, “Sorry. Chichi was being very clingy, I couldn't get away until just a minute ago.

 

I planted my forehead in my hand; I was already sure this was a disaster about to be unleashed.

 

“Something's wrong, isn't it?” asked the other Saiyan, almost and probably completely oblivious.

 

“Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else…” I didn't really feel like waking up his whole family when we started yelling at each other. He nodded, and we flew over the forest, landing in the first clearing that came into view. As soon as we landed he started to speak.

 

“Something's up. I didn't feel your power level go up at all from about an hour after I left. If you weren't training, what were you doing?”

 

I was fighting the urge to break down. So, this was why he was in a knot? He'd been keeping tabs on me? I was not happy about this, but strangely not surprised. Did he not trust me or something?

 

“So, now you don't trust me? You can't assume I have a perfectly good reason for not being able to train all day, instead you get mad and lash out at me?” I was in full argument mode now, yelling and all.

 

“Well, it's kind of strange, isn't it? You complained you couldn't concentrate, so I left you alone. Then, you still don't train? Why, Vegeta? What were you doing?”

 

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing, all damn day! I couldn't think straight enough to punch. I…” Now was the difficult part. He was already suspicious of me, so I was sure he wasn't going to take this well. I might as well get this over with. If he didn't take it well, I'd just call it that and leave this stupid planet.

 

“Look, can we stop yelling so I can explain? Can you manage that for a minute?”

 

He nodded.

 

“I have a perfectly good excuse for my lack of training today. But in order for me to explain it I must explain something else that you probably won't like hearing.” I had to speak slowly just to keep my voice from cracking or trembling. Oh, how I did not want to do this. I wouldn't say this out loud, but I really felt stupid right now. I continued, “Before you and I…got together, I was having a pretty hard time coping as you probably can imagine…I did something really foolish in my efforts to drown you out of my head. I didn't expect it to come back on me like this…You see, Bulma was feeling down, and I was having my problems, and we confided in each other…Now she's…expecting.”

 

I watch his eyes widen in shock, but the looked on his face quickly changed from shock to what seemed like relief. That was confusing; why would he be relieved? Perhaps it was something else?

 

“I've been trying to think of how to tell you all day. It's been incredibly nerve racking. I understand if you'd rather not be involved anymore.” I tried adding, while still deciphering his reaction.

 

“Was it just one time? Am I the only one now, Vegeta?” He pleaded, questioned me desperately.

 

“Yes.”

 

Within a millisecond of my uttering that one word, he ran across the clearing and tackled me to the ground. Did he really care so much that he was willing to put this all behind us so quickly? I didn't understand him at all.

 

“Why, Kakarott? Why aren't you mad at me?” I asked; I had to know because this just wasn't making any sense.

 

“The past is the past…we can't change it now, so why dwell on it? I'm just glad you're not choosing her or anyone else over me.”

 

I placed his anger more accurately now; it was like he'd been jealous, but why? Why would my lack of training today cause him to be jealous? Why would he get suspicious of me? Something was odd about this. He wasn't telling me something.

 

“Kakarott? Why were you so upset I didn't train today? What was going through your head?” I asked with a hint of desperation in my voice; it was not a want rather a need to figure this out that drove me to ask you this question.

 

“I don't know. I just got so freaked out when you said one thing and did the complete opposite. I'm sorry I made things harder on you. You must have been on edge all day. Let's forget about this quarrel.”

 

He kissed me on the lips; I accepted the kiss but something still felt off about his explanation. I really couldn't believe this had gone so well. I grabbed the other Saiyan roughly by the hair, strengthening the intensity of the kiss between us, and getting a startled jump out of Kakarott. The kiss seemed to last for a long time, but I wasn't sure how long. I wish we didn't have to hide from anyone. There would likely never come a time when we could freely be together. I had to wonder on that note if Kakarott would ever sacrifice his family and friends for my love. Would he give up and leave with me after all of this was over? For all this trouble and torment I went through to be here now with him, he'd better never chicken out on me. I'd really have a bone to pick with him then.

 

***

 

Vegeta may never know or understand how relieved I was when I knew Trunks' life was not in jeopardy, and how I was even more relieved that I didn't have to worry about having my prince taken away from me. My selfless side did sympathize with Bulma's situation. If what happened between her and Vegeta was a one time encounter, she was probably upset about having the baby, and scared Vegeta wouldn't be there for his son. I wondered this as well, knowing the stubbornness of Vegeta. I suppose as long as Trunks was at least born, it wasn't really my place to tell Vegeta to take part in raising Trunks if he didn't have an interest in doing so. Though, he probably wouldn't like it if I told him to do such a thing, because it would sound like I was trying to break it off with him. That's not something I wanted to do. That thought only served to bring other stressful things to the surface. What was I going to do about my family, anyways? They'd be devastated if they knew of this. Not to mention furious as well. My friends would all be too, probably because they didn't understand Vegeta like I did. Everyone thought of him as this killer that he really wasn't. Anymore, he wasn't, at least. Bulma would probably be the only one who didn't think that, and she'd be mad because I was taking her son's father away from them. Vegeta and I finally broke the kiss. I had been lost in my thought and hadn't realized that we were still kissing. The prince locked eyes with me. I felt like we were thinking the same thing that instant. A troubled look shot across his face.

 

“Kakarott…?” he asked quietly, almost timidly, like he was about to ask something he didn't want to ask.

 

“Yeah, Vegeta?” I answered, not really sure I wanted to hear the thing he was dreading to ask me.

 

“How long…how long do you think we can continue this before anyone suspects something between us?” I knew he didn't want to be asking this, but the sheer curiosity and desire to know drove him to ask anyways. It looks like we really had been thinking the same thing.

 

“I…I don't know. I don't want to think about this…” Vegeta's face turned stern when I said that.

 

“This is something we have to talk about eventually, and you know this as well as I. The facts will not go away no matter how much you want them to, so start thinking about it.”

 

Thinking about this meant coming out of the fantasy and back into the brutal truth of reality; I really wasn't ready to do that yet.

 

“Well… right now, everyone's kind of doing their own thing, getting ready for the androids and all, but after that everyone may want to be together and celebrate and everything. That's when it may be hard to hide…”

 

A troubled look shot across his face once again, but he hid it quickly.

 

“What would you do, Kakarott…If anyone, everyone, knew?”

 

Was he meaning for me to make a choice right now? Obviously he had to know what his question meant for me. He was asking me to choose between him and everyone else. I was torn. There was no way I could choose like this. Why did it have to be this way? I couldn't speak; I didn't know what to say at all.

 

“You can't choose, can you? You wouldn't be able to; figures. You know one day you will have to choose. Will you be able decide who is more important to you? You know, I guess it's selfish of me to think I could ever have you all to myself. I've never had any real friends, and I have no family, so I wouldn't know how it feels to be torn between two things like you. You know what? Maybe this really was a bad idea. I should have just kept ignoring you,” he was really starting to get himself worked up, and all I could do was take it; speechless. He pushed me off of him and stood up, continuing, “Why did you even come out about your feelings, weren't you thinking at all about the consequences of your actions? I don't have anyone beside myself to think about, but you do. Did your family's feelings even cross your mind? Did your shallow mind even comprehend any of the results of your decision to be with me? You have to hurt someone's feelings in the end, and I don't know about your family, but do you think I want to be let down when you choose them over me? Am I just a useless nobody who you think can step all over and break?”

 

I stood, ready to take the offense. “Will you shut up already? Just shut up! You're right. Is that what you want to hear? You want me to tell you how stupid I've been because I didn't think about what a bad idea it was for me to tell you how I felt? That's it! I've had it with your pessimism, and I've had it with you! I just forgave you for being an ass and knocking up my best friend, and then you have to go and get mad at me because we made a mutual decision to be together? Are you trying to rip us apart? Do you want to be alone? I don't want you to have to be alone, but you're making this really hard. How does it feel, being yelled at and insulted like you just did to me?”

 

I huffed; I hadn't stopped to take a breath until this moment. I was surprised I stood up to him like that, and said such mean things. He had really hit a nerve. What was his problem anyways? Had this bothered him all this time, and built up till he couldn't conceal it anymore and burst? I hadn't realized I was crying, when suddenly a tear hit my hand.

 

I expected Vegeta to still be glaring at me, and to continue yelling, but to my surprise, he didn't. He looked upset, too. He closed the gap between us, and grabbed my face in his hands, wiping the tears away. His hands remained on my face after doing so.

 

“I'm sorry.” Now, I knew he meant that, as the prince of Saiyans used two types of words sparingly; thanks and apologies.

 

More tears started to flow from my eyes just upon hearing those words. He probably thought I was weak, but I just couldn't help it.

 

“Me too, Vegeta…” I sobbed out.

 

“I didn't mean to say those cold things to you…It's just…I don't want anyone else to have you. You are mine.”

 

He kissed my lips, his lips, claiming me and reinforcing his words. I wish I could stab reality's stab back and tell it to leave Vegeta and his Kakarott alone. The prince broke the kiss to speak.

 

“Look, I guess we don't have to worry about this right now. Let's just…enjoy this while we can. I'm sure you'll do what's the best for everyone when the time comes to make the decision. I…trust your judgment, Kakarott.”

 

“That mean's a lot have your trust, Vegeta. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you earlier… can I make it up to you tomorrow…Veggie?”

 

“You'd better. And don't call me that.”

 

He planted one last kiss on my lips for the night, then took my hands in his, kissing each of them and flying off into the night.

 

The ominous cloud of the conflict to come still loomed over us, but perhaps love will light the dark path before us. The romantic in me hoped this, at least.

 

Author's Note: That's it for now guys! Don't worry; the updates will be coming quicker now because this is what I am fully dedicating myself to. I am going to finish this story before I do anything else. Please leave me a review if you liked it, it helps to keep me going when I know someone likes what I'm doing! Thanks for reading thus far!