Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Chizzari-Raditz ❯ Attempting to heal ( Chapter 20 )

I spend a lot of time in the tanks. I pretty much have to. I can't believe after all I've been through that I am so weak! My strength should have doubled, tripled! How many times was I raped, or beaten, or starved? How often? But I am so weak I can barely hold my own against the Saibamen I train against. It's… pitiful.

I shake my head, my hair falling to conceal my first, unsuccessful attempt to rise. The second gets me to my knees, but a blow to the back sends me painfully back into the floor again. This time, I flop over and blast the remaining training plant. It's another minute before I can get myself up off the floor, and when I catalogue the injuries I have, I nearly despair of ever winning praise from my Prince again.

I slump against the wall, my head hanging. He has not spoken to me since the day I was unable to administer my brother the warrior rites. He hardly looks at me. Anything he wants me told comes through Nappa. If I had known… if I had the strength… no. Not the strength. It takes strength to live. I need a moment of pure weakness. I've been through too much.

I remember now, everything that happened. All the gaps in my memory are filled in. That first long stint in the tank, when Vegeta-sei was blown up, was the beginning of my healing. I've been in a tank nearly every day since. Physically, I'm in near perfect health. I will be in perfect health once I get out of the tank today.

Emotionally? I'm a wreck. I remember, but I haven't managed to cope yet. I still shy away from Nappa… from everyone… who even makes the slightest hint of a sexual innuendo. My defensive reflexes are without equal - I can duck and cower better than the weakest of them. I'm trying so hard to improve, to become a warrior again.

I lift my head, moving away from the wall to the door. It opens a moment later, and I step into the hall, proceeding down it to the medical unit. A few practiced motions send my clothes to the floor and start the tank filling. I step into it and close the door, pulling the mask over my face.

The defeat in the eyes reflecting off the glass is more than I can bear. I close my eyes, waiting on the machine to finish filling and performing its healing miracle. I only wish it would work on the rest of me as well as it works on my body. My mind is shambles, a razor's edge from being broken once more. It is Zarbon who keeps me as stable as I am… and we both know that as soon as I enter his quarters, the truth behind my cracking mask wins.

Yes… the mask is cracking. It was never very good to start with, and each day that goes by only makes it worse. I train until I can barely stand, fighting against plants that I should have no trouble with… and spend most afternoons having a stint in a regeneration tank.

My trip back to my rooms is fairly uneventful. I look like trouble - and I'm Saiyan. Vegeta's made damn sure that everyone knows that even though there are only three of us left, it's very dangerous to mess with us. That and… I'm known to be under Zarbon's protection.

My stride breaks slightly, my head dropping as I near his door. I should be more ashamed to admit that than I am, but I can't help being glad that he is my protector. I can't… I can't protect myself, yet. I'm… oh hell. I slump lazily against the wall, hoping the vision of Nappa heading in my direction isn't real.

It is, of course. He walks past me, a terse, "Come," spouting as he moves by. I follow, figuring that he had orders to take me to Vegeta or something. I figure wrong. What follows is a hell I thought I'd escaped. At least this time, I try to fight.

***********

Zarbon finally finds me about six hours later. I guess I wasn't really all that hard to find - I'm seven feet tall, broad, bulky, and don't fit all that well into small spaces, but I am sure as hell trying. I don't really remember coming to his quarters, although I can recite perfectly every single staggering step I took. I could tell about trying to hide behind the couch and under the bed, except there wasn't room behind the couch and I couldn't curl up under the bed. I only barely fit in the small space inside his closet, with my arms and tail wrapping around me and my hair falling so that I can't be seen for the mass of it.

I'm sure he just followed the blood trail once he got to his quarters. I should have gone to the regeneration tanks, but I couldn't. I… couldn't. I knew they could find me there. I shy away when he reaches to pull me from his closet, but don't resist when he finally gets a good enough hold to pull me out and to my feet.

I know what he sees. I was beaten, after all. He sees the aftereffects of that, the bruises and cuts and abrasions. And he can see where I tore my wrists against the manacles they fastened me to the wall with, lesser marks on my ankles. He can see the bite marks, and the blood that still seeps sluggishly from my ass.

I really should be in a tank. I expect him to take me to one. But he doesn't. He just looks at me for a long time, then leads me to the bathroom. I flinch and shy away thousands of times while he washes the blood from my hair and body, checks for and sets the broken bones. I hadn't even really felt those, but I guess I got messed up pretty bad. I'd stopped paying attention to what they did when Vegeta looked at me, then walked on.

Reaction hits me then, and I hit my knees, arms wrapping around my stomach and tail around my waist as I sob. I hear three sharp cracks, find myself welcoming the pain from my broken tail. Zarbon drapes something around me… soft and warm… then picks me up and carries me to a chair, seating me on his lap and letting me cry all over him.

Eventually, the sobbing ceases, and I just lay against him. He says nothing, and for a long time, the silence is good. But at last, I tell him. "Nappa… sold me. Leaned back against the wall and watched while they raped me, and laughed at me when I tried to fight back. I tried… I failed."

"Who?"

"I don't know all of them. I recognized Ginyu and his crew, except Jeice, Dodoria, some of the elite teams. Others, I'd never seen before." I can't stand how defeated I sound, how absolutely worthless I feel. I can't even summon the strength to feel shame, and it scares me that I feel like I deserved to be raped and beaten, and abandoned.

His fingers comb through my hair, rub lightly on my back. I calm under his touch, becoming slowly content with just sitting there with him. He is my protector, I know he will do something. I don't know what, but I know he will do it. He will do for me what Vegeta, my once-mate, and my prince, never has. He will avenge me.

I can feel the tears slipping down my cheeks again, and duck my head against him so that these few he won't see. Vegeta should have been the one to protect me, to avenge me. He was my mate, and is my prince, and he is Saiyan. It should have been him. Instead, it will be the father of my son, and cousin to my late mate - a creature with only the most carnal of ties to the Saiyan race. It will be Zarbon.

My eyes grow heavy as he continues his petting. Eventually, I sleep.